Why does anybody think it's ok to ask...

MrsStutler

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I've had so many people ask me "Was the baby planned?" and I just want to beat them.

With my first it was because we were young (21 and 23) and recently married (2yrs, after 5yrs dating).

With the second it was because my daughter is only 17 months younger than my son.

Now that I'm pregnant with the third people are STILL asking this stupid question. I just want to go crazy on them. Mostly because of the hormones but more because I can't believe anybody would ask such a personal question. I mean, does it matter!? Who really cares?
We struggled very hard with getting pregnant this time and I want to say to anybody who asks that, "Planned? Was it planned? If planned means months and months and months of careful temperature charting, timed intercourse, supplements, special lubricants, prayer, tears and shattered hearts when it didn't happen then YES it was planned."

Uhg. Sorry I just had to get that out of me.
 
lol yea i get it a lot as im only 24 and this in number 4, Its a stupid question and grinds on me too lol xx
 
It's ALWAYS a stupid question. My first was a surprise and I wasn't married, in fact was trying to leave the father as the relationship was abusive. Asking that question just drove home how not planned he was, which brought up feelings of guilt etc. NOT COOL, PEOPLE.
 
I'm mean so I would probably say something snarky back like were you planned? -no matter what the response- ok then. -walk away- haha a

Or ignore it and ask an equally pointless question
 
I hate any question to do with pregnancy. I've just been married in the past few months, and it's like its an open invitation for people to start asking when you're going to have kids.

If it's not that annoying question, it's the "are you knocked up?" question.

ALL of these questions are rude and inappropriate.
 
Omg this is the worst question ever! With my dd, we were engaged a full year before I got pregnant, wedding date set and all. Got married on that date when I was 5 months along. Even though friends and family knew we had been engaged for a while, we still had people asking was it planned? Or are you getting married bc you're pregnant and it wasn't planned? Like wtf???

I ignore this question this time around. But I do love that response of "were you planned?" Hahha
 
:rofl: "Were you planned?" OMG I love it!

I am so using that next time. I have just had it! The other awful comment I got was from a co-worker. When I told her I was pregnant she just scoffed and said "Why? Don't you have two kids?". No congratulations, nothing. People...no manners anymore.:haha:
 
Oh god, I wish I had used the "were you planned?" come back the first time around. Our first LO was a surprise and I made the mistake of admitting it time and time again when people asked. I am still boggled that people would ask that!! It's so personal. It's like asking "So when you go home and have sex, is it just for fun or do you have a purpose?" to someone random in the office!

Our second LO was very much planned and my freaking MIL was staying with us two nights ago and she came up to me saying in a cheeky tone, "what a surprise!" in reference to my current pregnancy and I just about clocked her as she was the one who kept going on about our first being unplanned when I was pregnant with him. So I just said in a very firm tone "It wasnt a surprise, it was planned" and she was all fake laugh and "Oh I did hear that through the grapevine". I was just like whatever lady! So she just said that to dig at me again. Argh!! People are so rude!
 
Do you know it's never really bothered me when people have asked that question, what's bothered me is that they don't actually want the answer! I kind of like our 'surprise you're pregnant' story, which isn't exactly long and has a funny twist, but I always find as soon as the words 'were you planning?' are out of their mouths their eyes glaze over and they interrupt half way through the sentence. One sentence I might add it's not like I go into excruciating detail.

So maybe that's the secret to getting people to back off, make up a boring story and I guarantee as soon as you start they'll stop caring :haha:
 
well my boyfriend and i had a surprise, yet highly welcomed pregnancy and no one asked us if baby was planned. all they asked was "when are you due?" or "did you find out yet if baby is a girl or boy?". even if they asked if baby was planned, i wouldnt get mad. we love our baby girl to death. all we got were congratulations and hand-me-down baby clothes from all sorts of people at work and around town. i can understand it being asked several pregnancies if it was planned though. that seems annoying but this is my first so i dont have much experience regarding all the questions to be possibly asked!
 
I will get so mad if people ask if our baby was planned!

I'll reply, well thanks for the congratulations! And over $10,000 later I sure hope it was planned or someone robbed our bank account!

Can't wait to tell people though! Keeping it secret is soooo hard :)
 
My husband and I have only been married since August of 2014 but we've been together for 6 years and have lived together for 4 years, but family members still asked if we were trying to get pregnant. And they always make the same comment: "oh, that was quick." It isn't any of there business when we decide to have kids! I would never ask a woman that question. I usually just shrug it off lol.
 
That is just as annoying as the "...oh that's early" comment. My partner and I were eager to share our news on Christmas Eve with his family. Once we did and I was sitting down to eat with everyone, one of his female family members asked how far along I was and when I told her "Four weeks, we just found out" I got the "Oh that's really early...." comment and in a tone of voice that translated it into "Yikes you could lose the baby" Ugh :growlmad:

Herding that's a great response! :rofl:

Zep I would've had to really restrain myself from smacking the smarta$$ off her face if it was my MIL! OMG
 
I remember being asked this by a colleague when I was pregnant for the first time. I was gobsmacked as I knew I would be judged either way: I would have been just as embarrassed admitting I'd had a wild, impulsive romp, as the truth, which was that we'd been 'trying' for ages! I felt the only ones who would ask would just want the gossip so I finally said "that's quite a rude question, isn't it?" and the woman replied "yes, I suppose it is". No-one asked me if my girls were planned, even though they came only 20 months later! I'm sure people did plenty of speculating behind my back!
 
Actually, I think I did get asked if it was planned the second time round. I just said "I don't think anyone plans to have twins". :winkwink:
 
My husband and I have only been married since August of 2014 but we've been together for 6 years and have lived together for 4 years, but family members still asked if we were trying to get pregnant. And they always make the same comment: "oh, that was quick." It isn't any of there business when we decide to have kids! I would never ask a woman that question. I usually just shrug it off lol.

My hubby and I also got married in August 2014!! :) The minute we found out we were pregnant 2 months later, my SIL asked him if it was planned or if it was a surprise and he told her we were planning it, just didn't expect it to happen this fast. MIL was a little harder to please with the news. She was telling me before we got married that we needed to wait a couple of years when we are both done with college and have our own house blah blah blah.
People will have their opinions and many won't have filters. Just gotta roll with the punches. :)
 
I was asked this once by someone else pregnant at the time, they were family so I didn't mind.

if someone asked and it was inappropriate (my boss asked when I told him about DS!), I would just put on a really shocked face and say "...is that really any business of yours?!?"

What they are probably really trying (poorly) to ask is "were you expecting this, or was it a total surprise?"
 
I was also asked if my pregnancy was planned, but I had worse questions such as "are you going to keep it?"...which I found way more offensive and I was asked that not only once but a few times by a few different people. Why in the world would I announce I was pregnant if I wasn't going to keep it?!? This is my first pregnancy ever and I will be 30 by the time the baby is born I think the time is more than right for a first child.

I also had one person argue with me after the "was it planned?" question. I said we had discussed a baby, decided we wanted one and weren't taking any preventative measures nor charting, just allowing nature to run its course. I was told that isn't planned because I was still surprised when it happened...lol...I think even women who are charting are surprised when it finally happens...doesn't mean the baby wasn't planned.

Sometimes I think people just blurt out the first question that pops into their mind without consideration of how it may be interpreted. Although I found it hurtful in the moment I no longer do.
 
OMG I read everything, how rude can people be!

I guess I should be prepared... I'm still a student and I'm pretty sure some people will ask me the same questions...
 

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