Why hasn't OH popped the ? :-(

[lexey_7]

Just feeling a bit sad

Last summer I saw a consultant about bleeding and why I wasn't getting pregnant and he said I wasn't ovulating and would need to start clomid and take it from there.
Me and OH talked lots and decided maybe it wasn't the right time as we had just brought a new house and we should get married first and start trying again in a few years. I was very sad but looking forward to planning my wedding and finishing uni and maybe focusing on a career instead. He seemed really enthusiastic about getting married and when I saw an engagement ring I loved in an antique shop he bought it for me. This was November and I was imagining (hoping!) for a Christmas Day proposal as both of our families were at our house.
Then the week before Christmas I found out I was pregnant

Well.. fast forward to June and my ring had been sat in a drawer for 8months!
We've had;
•Christmas
•birthday
•Valentines
•babymoon spa break

NOTHING!

I've mentioned it a few times but he just told me its unattractive to keep bringing it up and he'll do it when he's ready. I thought he was ready
My mom keeps making spiteful comments and although I don't think he plans to just leave us I can't help feel like he's waiting to see how it all pans out when babies here.

I'm just sad why bother buying a ring if he isn't going to give it me, I've tried my best to show I'm 'wife material' but still nothing.
Do you think now I'm pregnant he's not interested anymore our sex life isn't exactly sizzling but then it hasn't been since the honeymoon period really but I thought we were happy and I always try to make sure I've 'taken care' of his needs!

Don't know what to think, do you ladies have any thoughts on what I should do/not do/say/don't say.

Thank you xxxx

 

[kirstybumx3]

honestly hun, I wouldn't mention it.. I know its hard, but if hes missed all those milestone occasions then maybe he is planning something really amazing.. or wants to do it totally unexpected... its not gonna be unexpected if its all that's ever on your mind is it?
be happy you have the ring, everytime I mention marriage to my OH hes like HELLLL NOOOO!
I definitely don't think it has anything at all to do with you being pregnant, or not being wife material, of course he is interested and im sure now more so than ever, you are carrying his child! even though they don't show it so much (I know mine doesn't) they do care!
give him time if that's what hes asked for, stop mentioning it, and try your hardest to stop thinking about it and im sure it will just pop up out of the blue one day and be fabulous

I don't know how long you TTC but I found it the same sort of situation, while I was constantly thinking about it, it just didn't seem to happen, me and OH went away for 2 weeks to a country cottage, no worries or cares in the world, TTC didn't cross my mind once, and that was the month I conceived! .. I know in reality its completely different, but if you try not to focus on it so much, when it does happen it will be 10000x better xx

 

[Tami]

You know what would be special? Proposing after your baby is born and all three of you are there! Maybe that's what he's thinking?

I bet it's not that he doesn't want to propose, but that he has a time or place in mind and it just hasn't come up yet. Valentines day, christmas, etc are all a nice time to ask, but it might be he has a more specific day in mind!

Just wait hun, in the mean time don't question your relationship over it, he's still there with you afterall, but maybe by mentioning it to him a lot you're making it stressful for him, try not to push it! It'll happen when it happens and no amount of pestering is going to change that!

I can imagine it's frustrating though!

 

[funinthesun]

Maybe he is waiting to propose when the baby arrives.

Sometimes men can't focus on two things at once, so the baby is now his priority.

Does he want the baby to take his last name?

 

[Mum2BKW]

I waited for years for a proposal from my Hubbie - every time there was an occasion I hoped that he would propose.... and nothing. And we didn't even have the ring!

Then we went on holiday in the US - first LA and then San Francisco. I was, again, secretly hoping that he would propose on holiday. Nothing happened in LA so I thought "damn, still no proposal", assuming that he wouldn't be just carrying the ring round with him the whole time. Then in SF we were boating on a lake and I suddenly felt really sad about it as it was such a beautiful place. He asked me what was wrong and I said "nothing really, only that would have been such a beautiful moment to propose".

Of course, stupid me didn't know that he had secretly had a ring designed and made for me, and had been carrying it around in his pocket THE WHOLE HOLIDAY (except when we went to Disney as he was worried it would fall out on a ride) waiting for 'the perfect moment to propose'. And now he thought he'd missed it.

So he proposed the next day in front of the Golden Gate Bridge, took me TOTALLY by surprise and was just so perfect. And imagine how awful I felt about my comment the day before!!

So the moral is - leave him be. He's obviously planning something really special and when it happens it will be amazing. Don't ruin it by pestering him and making him feel he's doing something wrong by waiting for the right time/place for him to ask you to be his wife

 

[Baby180512]

He's waiting til you DONT expect it. My friend's husband did this they went out together and bought her ring then he said he would propose when he was ready, she kept getting herself stressed that he hadnt done it at all these times that she expected it and i kept telling her to put it to the back of her mind he will do it when you least expect it. One day no particularly special day and totally out of the blue she went home from work to find kind of a treasure trail set up and at the end was her ring and a note saying will you marry me and he was hiding away watching her read it and popped out when she found it.
So be patient, he is waiting til he thinks you've given up so that he can still make it a surprise and make it special, it wont be the same if he knows your expecting him to do it.

 

[Sarahdisco]

I cant understand your frustration but yeah I'd leave it be. Your OH might be planning on doing it when bubs is born, but like the others have said its really not worth stressing over.

Me and OH have been together for 11 years and my finger is still naked But, if and when he's ready to, he will.

 

[Baby180512]

I think men need to feel like its their decision and they like to surprise us with it. One of my other friends was chatting to me a couple of weeks ago getting really upset that her OH was still insisting he wasnt ever getting married because he just thought it was a waste of time and made no diffference to the relationship, he proposed the following week.
IF you keep asking him, he'll feel like its your decision, you will be prob then question if hes only done it because you asked him too and it wont surprise you.

Stop discussing it, pretend you've forgotten about it totally, if any one asks you both anything just say something really laid back like "were really happy we dont HAVE to get married to show each other we love each other" then he will think you have given up he'll be more likely to get it done then lol

 

[smokey]

Maybe he sees it this way (and this is how id honestly see it) maybe was planning on it around christmas but other things happened and ti them propose to a pregnant woman could come across as "have to do it out decency" sort of thing and hes concerned that others will think he did it because he had no choice or that you trapped him just to get a ring.
So hes waiting till after the birth so it feels more like this is my family im joining together here and no one can think he was pushed into it.
Plus he may not want to take away the attention of a new baby and birth and want the two occasions to have their own deserved thunder is that makes sense.

 

[Smudge101]

Maybe he really wants it to be a surprise when he does do it and since he knows your expecting it then all the typical days to do it wouldn't be a surprise.

I'd say stop mentioning it because that's only likely to put it off further and just enjoy the final stages of your pregnancy and your little baby.

You've discussed it so it will happen eventually. I wouldn't be thinking that he's going to do it when baby arrives either though. If he doesn't then you'll be disappointed about nothing should detract from that special moment with your newborn.

 

[annio84]

Before hubby proposed to me I was somewhat like a woman possessed and basically told him in no uncertain terms I wasn't waiting forever. Anyway, the more I nagged the longer he put it off. Basically he wanted it to be a surprise, didn't want it just to be about the nagging and he had his own little plan of what needed to happen first. In the end I managed to chill out for a while (by that I mean I stopped complaining to him!!) and he asked and I said yes. I think men just like to feel that they've decided and if you back off I'm sure he'll ask.

And as for the comment about being ready I don't think he means he's not ready to marry you, just that it won't be when you tell him to do it!

 

[xobabyhopes]

i wouldn't mention it only because men can't focus on 2348 things like us women can, he is probably super wrapped up in baby

-also for our 1 year anniversary i thought my hubby was going to propose since he had been checking out my fingers, going to to mall without me and being secretive. the day we exchanged gifts i saw a tiny black box and i was like "omg this is it" opened it and it was a necklace. i cried and got mad at him because he tricked me. the next day (july 4th) he proposed to me under the grand finale of fireworks at our local carnival in front of everyone, i was so shocked i was just like "shut up" then "yes" he still tells everyone about the day before and i still feel bad about it. the time will come and it will def be worth the wait.

 

[MrsWhy]

I remember I'd been with my oh for 7 years and everyone around us was getting engaged or married - I kept going on about it and all it did was make my oh not want to ask me as it seemed to him that I just wanted to be engaged for engaged sake. Once I stopped saying anything and just got on with our lives, he proposed.

Also my friend was with her oh for 18 years before he proposed - that happened last year in the February and they were married by October.

Honestly just focus on your baby and your relationship - he'll propose when the time is right to him.

 

[J22]

I wouldn't mention it to him, hun. Men have their own ways of going about doing things and us woman read ito everything far too much (but we can't help it ). He'll have it in his head I'm sure...but with the baby coming soon he's no doubt wanting to get the timing right. Just don't nag him about it 'cos that stresses men out! xxx

 

[NennaKay]

I put my foot down with my OH. I was raised in the fashion that you get married and then have babies, so I couldn't wait forever.... Of course he did move in before we were married, or even engaged. He and I had talked about it some, but I wasn't too worried about it. I thought: He'll do it when the time is right. We started dating in June of 2009, and he officially moved in January 1, 2010. Things were going fine and I was in no big rush to move ahead, but then I started getting nudges from outside sources. My parents started asking when he was going to ask... I dunno?

Around the summer my friends started asking if there was any sign of a proposal. Not so much, but I let it slide. In the early winter my Dad tells me that my OH had asked his permission several months before... So now I'm expecting it, but still nothing. Thanksgiving and Christmas both roll by. My birthday is January 10th and it passed as well. About a week after my birthday, my Mom tells me that the reason she invited everyone over for my birthday was because my OH told her months before that he was going to propose then!

I talked to a couple of my close friends and they had been told the same thing. At this point I was just about done dancing around the elephant in the room... I talked to my closest friend and she told me to advise the OH that rings often go on sale around Valentine's Day... I thought about it and decided she was right. When the OH and I finally had our conversation he told my Dad had come over after my birthday and told him basically: "Shit or get off the pot." And then he told me he didn't even have a ring yet because he wasn't sure what I liked! It was super sweet that he was concerned about it, but he could have just asked me!

So I told him we'd go look at rings the next day so he'd have an idea of what I liked and we'd go from there. That was February 5, 2011. Instead of just looking we picked out the engagement ring and matching band and a band for him and put our down payment on them. I expected some kind of wait time, but when we got home that night we sat on the couch to watch TV together, like normal, and he looked at me and said: "So will you?" I said yes and he tried to give me the band instead of the engagement ring; he was sure the "big" one was for the ceremony!

 

[lexey_7]

Thanks so much ladies

I've been trying not to mention it or talk about weddings, it's just so horrible when everybody around me seems to be planning theirs and my mom is constantly going on at me saying 'just tell him to sell the ring he's obviously not ready he shouldn't have brought it' I feel silly for ever getting excited and telling my family he'd got it!

We've been together 6years and he definitely wants baby to have his last name (which is good because its waaay better than mine) so I'm hoping your all right and he just wants to plan a surprise when I least expect it!
Can't help but be doubtful knowing him though it feels like he's forgotten about the whole thing I did feel a little sad that people might think he's only doing it to be 'decent' now I'm pregnant but I've been waiting soo long I don't care about that anymore!

Thank you so much for all your advice, I'm keeping my fingers crossed but for now just keep sneaking into his office to try it on. (Such a sad loser rubbing my bump with the ring on infront of the mirror! Worrying now my fingers too fat for it!)

Nennakay- my birthday is January 10th too :-D

Xxxx