Why the hell should i carry on helping him if he cant even freekin help him self

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by kimbobaloobob, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. sorry for the rant but i have no one i can talk to and i really need to get this out now. Me and my 'OH' moved in together in october and ever since then i feel more like his maid and mum thans his girlfriend. I have to cook his tea everynight, i have to take him to and from work or else he wont go, i have to run him about if he wants to go anywhere, i have to do his washing and ironing. He went out the other night and said 'i will make my own way home' so i thought i would catch up on some sleep i get a phone call waking me up at 12 with him pissed as a fart telling me to come get him, then when i get in i have to cook his tea cause hes hungry. i'm 36 weeks pregnant ffs and he expects me to act like i have the energy i had before i got pregnant. He hasent been in to work for 3 days and will more than likely be sacked when he does go back in cause he hasent even phoned in and hes on his last warning, I woke him up this morning to get him to ring in and he wouldent even get in so i told him to ring up the docters him self, as i was going to ring the docters and make him an appointment as he apparently hurt his ankle at work and its still hurting him, but it only seems to hurt when hes with his parents or someone mentions it, and as work cant give him a sit down job he needs to get a sick note apparently. But he expects me to ring up and make the appointment and take him (the docters is a 5 min walk from our house). so anyway i told him if he cant be assed ringing up work then i cant be assed ringing up the docters so now he cant get an appointment and cant get a sick note, hes got no excuse for work now either as he cant proove fck all. Im just so annoyed with him, its like he wont even get out of bed till 2 or 3 because theres 'no need'.
    i moved to a different county so we could be together with our baby, left all my friends and family behind and moved to a place where i dont know anyone or anywhere and he treats me like this.
    ive just had enough and dont know what to do with him anymore i feel like i already have a child, We wont even beable to cover the bills next month cause he wont go to work and he will expect me to use my inheritance that my dad set up for me just before he died so i could put a deposit on a house or something to bail us out... AGAIN. he saiys he provides and looks after me but i even have to roll his freekin fags for him coz he cant be assed. And all he does is moan that my house work isnt up to his standard but then wont do naff all himself
    ive just had enough ive never felt so lonley and isolated in my life, and he says he loves me!! yet lets me feel like this (i have told him how lonely i feel) and tells me to get on with it
    i just had enough now:cry:
     
  2. LittleAurora

    LittleAurora 2 boys 1 girl :)

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2009
    Messages:
    2,742
    Likes Received:
    0
    yes the world is meant to be equel...but in realty it is not. I cook clean iron and organize my family. My OH is the bread winner and makes the money. I am more than happy to do my job at home with the kids. Why should he have to do anything in the house when he already works all day.
    As for your other half not getting up to go to work...how would you feel about sitting down with him and explaining thats not what responsible fathers to be or men do. Explain to him that you are his girlfriend not his mother, and he needs to step up.This is in the teen section so i guess you are both teenagers. Sadly guys do not mature at the same rate as girls do.

    I really do hope that you can get it sorted. But Do expect to take the lions share of the domestic work. As a mum this is the life path you have chosen.

    This post is not ment to offend.
     
  3. i dont mind doing most the house work, but im finding it harder to do as much as i used to be able to but he still expects it all to be done, but then what i do manage to do he says he could of done it better and its not up to his standard. But it would be nice for him to say ' what do you want for tea tonight' or ' let me run you a bath' he just sits there even though he hasent been into work for 3 days he hasnt lifed a finger... and im 19 hes 20, so pretty much teenagers yeah
     
  4. thedog

    thedog Guest

    You deserve better hun, at 36 weeks you should have your feet up chilling out, not driving here there and everywhere just because he cant be arsed to get to places himself, he should be the one taking you everywhere and making your tea, not the other way around.
    I hope he sorts himself out and he gives you a break! good luck hun x
     
  5. trashit

    trashit Guest

    I agree with ^^^ its not fair that at that far along he expects you run around ragged, while he lazies around and doesnt even go to work, or call them.. I think a talk is needed. Let him no how tired you are, you havent chose to be a mother to him so thats a pile of bull, you deserve better. If i was you id stick my feet up, get a cuppa, stick the tv on and ignore his demands. Let him fall on his face, you dont need to mother him. :hugs: x
     
  6. i had a go this morning when he woundent ring work after i woke up just to get him up to do so, then i stayed awake so i could wake him up to ring the docters, which he still dosent do, i told him that 'theres no point in going the docters now and he may aswell go to the job centre but that he wouldent even go there unless i drove him' and his reply was 'shut up moaning woman' he hasnt talked to me since apart from to say 'omg work are ringing me... what do i say' now hes expecting me to take him to a&e so he can get a note of them... he hasnt asked me yet but i overheard him talking to his mum about it. ive not doe nothing but sit on my ass today and i dont plan on doing anything else but sit on my ass. Will see how he copes doing everyhing for himself for once...
     
  7. hope&faith09

    hope&faith09 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,217
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey ,

    He needs to move his lazy arse and start helping you out!

    My OH works during the day and I do alot of the housework stuff (not that he expects it to be done and he mucks in when its not) Then we share the cooking and everything else so in my opinion he should be treating you better, things should be more equal for you if thats how you want it and you need to tell him this!
     
  8. well hes got up and cleaned the kitchen so i must have made some impact when i had a go this morning... ive just had enough of doing everything for him...
     
  9. Janidog

    Janidog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2009
    Messages:
    2,402
    Likes Received:
    0
    Can you not kick him out and send him back to his mums? I think you'll be far better of without him. Once your baby is born his behaviour will no doubt get worse as you will have less time for him.

    Can he not roll is own cigarettes? If he is to lazy to do it then he clearly doesn't need to smoke
    :hugs:
     
  10. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2009
    Messages:
    31,206
    Likes Received:
    2
    ( I know you didnt mean to offend though! :hugs:)

    As far as my OH is concerned, looking after a LO is a 24/7 in comparison to his 5 day a week job.My OH does 12 hour shifts yet still takes my LO for a feed while I get a lil quick me time, or cooks while I feed LO. As my OH says, when he goes to work, he gets time to himself there without LO.

    Even my own grandmother believes the man should help out around the house, working or not. Shes very old fashioned in her ways but she said my grandad certainly came in from work, done what he needed to do and then took over with the kids.

    Its 2010, this guy sounds like a total lazy a***hole and at 36 weeks pregnant why the HELL are you running about as his keeper and maid? He should be helping you!!!!!

    Big hugs for putting up with this crap, im sure you are too kindhearted to have said anything before. But sod it f the housework isnt to his standard - he'll get a shock when LO is born because let me tell you- you wont have the time or energy to start with.
     
  11. Janidog if i kicked him out i would be even lonlier than i am now, if anything i would take the dog and go back to my mums and see how he copes with out me... and as for the rolling his fags, he sees it as if i make him smoke roll ups (we cant afford his 20 a day habit on normal fags) then i should roll them for him....
    sb22 he sees himself as the bread winner so dosent have to do anything else...
     
  12. annawrigley

    annawrigley Guest

    or how about he quits and spends his fag money on your baby?!?!?!?!
    this guy sounds like a complete idiot and if he cant even freaking do little things for you now when you are heavily pregnant, how useless do you think he will be when LO is born???
    im not gonna ask why you are doing all this for him because my ex was the same and i couldnt really answer why i carried on doing it but i did.. well partly because he'd get violent if i wouldnt (yes it was a shit relationship on many levels lol) but alot of the time i just found it easier to give in and do it than put up a fight. or the mess just annoyed me too much so i just did it.
    he sounds like a complete waste of space and you do not deserve being treated like this at all, its disgusting. :hugs:
    since i moved out of his and have been living on my own i realise how bad he was, like if a friend sleeps over and then brings me a cup of tea in the morning i appreciate it SO much because after the first couple of months of our relationship he would never do anything like that for me. little things like that make a world of difference when you're not used to it.
    and right now i really think you just need to concentrate on looking after yourself and LO when he arrives, f*ck him until he grows some and starts acting like a responsible father and partner
    xx
     
  13. i told him earlier that i wasnt going to do fk all for him anymore and he just said its not like you do much anyway :/. i cba with him ill just leave him too it now its him who will suffer cause he doesent even know how to use a washing machine lol.
    How horrible it must of been for you, my sisters husband is violent to her so i know what it can do to someone (well i have an idea i would never know unless im in the situation) it was really brave of you to get out :) i wish my sister would do the same... Maybe now im not going to do anything for him he will realise how much i do actually do for him and start to appreciate it...
     
  14. Janidog

    Janidog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2009
    Messages:
    2,402
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know you are going to feel even more lonelier on your own, but once LO is here you can join baby groups, also you sound lonely on your own and lonely with your OH who clearly isn't make you happy, or couldn't give a crap about about LO.

    How can he be the breadwinner if he doesn't work???? And being a breadwinner doesn't give him the right to walk all over you.
    :hugs:
     
  15. lol he has a job, he just wont go cause hes 'poorly', well chances are he wont have a job when he goes back actually... He is nice and sweet to me hes just a lazy git when it comes to looking after himself...
     
  16. annawrigley

    annawrigley Guest

    good :) lets hope he pulls his finger out!
    it was horrible and it does change you as a person actually, in the end i just let him walk all over me and was so like nervous of being around him all the time id barely even speak to him, but its so much better now im back to the old me :D
    he actually dumped me so i had no choice but to get out but im sooo glad he did! i hope your sister gets the courage to leave, its awful knowing others are in that situation but being powerless to help :(
    cant believe he said you "do nothing anyway" grrrrrrr some people have no idea!
    plus even if you didnt do anything,which you do, you are carrying his child and he doesnt even go to work so he cant really call himself breadwinner if he has to get you to make him call in sick and drive him there and whatever! its pathetic!
    xx
     
  17. My sister did leave him, filed for divorce ect... but kept sleeping with him and ended up pregnant (shes due 5 days before me) so took him back..... i just leave her too it, sounds harsh but how can i help her when shes not willing to help herself, not to mention her other 3 boys... Still i think you were brave to go and rebuilt your life :)
    and as for my OH well... he can suck eggs atm :)
     
  18. Fliss_floss

    Fliss_floss Mum of one

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    0
    im speechless.....what a silly little boy!

    You shouldn't have to put up with all that crap hun
    U have hell of a lot more patience than me..... i'd tell him to grow up & get his act together or pack his bags! He's a grown man ffs

    Hope he gets his arse into gear soon
    xx
     
  19. well hes gone out on his own to the docters to get a self certificate, what ever that is, and is walking to work to sort things out, he didnt even ask for a lift!!, maybe cause he knows i have to wait in for work men... but its a start....
     
  20. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2009
    Messages:
    31,206
    Likes Received:
    2
    Honey, is he smoking 20 a day in the house?

    He cant smoke in the house with LO for a start. Its not on.

    I'm so strongly against that because I have watched my LO on oxygen for 11 weeks and prayed that one day she wouldn't need that kind of assistance. I'm an occasional smoker - I smoke outside - one cigarette at home with her and i bet it would have put her back to square one.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice