WHY?! WHY does she "need" to get used to being away from me?

[TheNewMrs]

F**K!
I am so sick of hearing this crap!
"You NEED to leave her a few hours more often so she can get used to being away from you"

"you HAVE to stop co-sleeping, she'll be too attached!"

"Why doesn't your (insert husband, mother, mil, friend here) watch her and we'll go out"

Im a SHAM for heavens sake! I CHOSE to be a SHAM so I wouldn't have to leave her.

Rant over...... PEACE!!!!

 

[xsadiex]

They obviously don't know much about child psychology/ attachment theory. She's a baby for god's sake! Just ignore it x

 

[confused87com]

i get it all from my friends, i know they are well meaning but we are going out for a meal, im not sure i can leave lo with hubby because she refuses bottles....well they said, if i have to bring her, bring a bottle so they can help.......wtf is the obsession with people helping...i know they mean well adn love them for it, but its more stressful watching her fight a bottle then it is to feed her! also if she took a bottle i wouldnt be bringing her! lol
everyone is so well meaning but they dont understand that u dont want to be apart form the baby!

 

[shmoo75]

I will be going back to work on 04/03 2 days a week Mon and Wed. I would love to be able to SAHM but, we just cannot afford to do so. On the Mon both my children will be looked after by DH and, the Wed one week my In laws and the next my parents this will be the 2nd time I have returned to work and, I am quite looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong I will miss my girls but, I wont be stressing out about how they are being looked after as they both love their Daddy and Grandparents. I am also a great believer in having a bit of time to myself it does me good and my children aren't traumatised by Mummy not being there 24/7. I know my youngest is FF and loves her food so there are no issues there.

 

[babyhopes2010]

argh! annoying isnt it lol

i wouldnt co-sleep for my own reasons but really what is it got to do with anyone else

 

[Berklesbump]

You don't need to! Some people want to, or cirumstances dictate they have to and that is what it is and their kids will be fine too. I don't leave my babies for any significant length of time until they're at least a year or so...and now my three year old WANTS to go to his grandparents for sleepovers. They figure it out in time. Just ignore it

 

[Noelle610]

I guess in my mind, it would be good for LO to get used to be away from you for short periods just in case you have to leave her at some point. Life is unpredictable. You may have a medical emergency or you may even want to go away for the weekend with your husband at some point. I think it's nice for our babies to be comfortable in the company of others so they're not upset when we do leave them.

 

[Unbridled]

So far, the only people who support my decisions as a parent are my husband and my parents. Everyone else, including the pediatrician, tells me that I'm spoiling him. If what I'm doing is so wrong, how come he's so far ahead developmentally? Why is he so confident and so happy and so bonded with us?

Nope, I gotta call b.s. on the whole "attachment parenting is another word for overindulgence" train of thought.

 

[Indi84]

I guess in my mind, it would be good for LO to get used to be away from you for short periods just in case you have to leave her at some point. Life is unpredictable. You may have a medical emergency or you may even want to go away for the weekend with your husband at some point. I think it's nice for our babies to be comfortable in the company of others so they're not upset when we do leave them.

I'm much more like this. I love time alone with hubby, my hubby loves time alone with LO and my mum and mil just plain love LO! Haha, I just see it he has a lot of love from a lot of people

I don't count leaving him with DH leaving him though, he's a fantastic daddy and has as much right as me to the baby, I'm just lucky and get him all to myself until DH comes home.

However, if that's not for you then fair play. Works different for different families. If you think that's the best for your child then fine! I have some friends obsessed with asking me out for dinner, they don't get that I don't want to go every single time, I adore time at home with LO and DH and see my friends all the time, but not that fussed with dinner dates every two weeks, lo is only tiny once!

 

[Noelle610]

I guess in my mind, it would be good for LO to get used to be away from you for short periods just in case you have to leave her at some point. Life is unpredictable. You may have a medical emergency or you may even want to go away for the weekend with your husband at some point. I think it's nice for our babies to be comfortable in the company of others so they're not upset when we do leave them.

I'm much more like this. I love time alone with hubby, my hubby loves time alone with LO and my mum and mil just plain love LO! Haha, I just see it he has a lot of love from a lot of people

I don't count leaving him with DH leaving him though, he's a fantastic daddy and has as much right as me to the baby, I'm just lucky and get him all to myself until DH comes home.

However, if that's not for you then fair play. Works different for different families. If you think that's the best for your child then fine! I have some friends obsessed with asking me out for dinner, they don't get that I don't want to go every single time, I adore time at home with LO and DH and see my friends all the time, but not that fussed with dinner dates every two weeks, lo is only tiny once!

I hear you. I don't considering leaving Charlotte with my husband "leaving" her, if you know what I mean. She's definitely going through a very attached to mommy stage right now, but typically she loves us both equally. I go out to dinner with friends every Saturday. I usually leave arond 5:30pm and she goes to bed an hour later, so we don't miss much time together. But I do think it's nice for daddy to have alone time with her so that they can foster their special relationship.

I do understand wanting to spend time with your kid, though. I have a lot of childless friends who just don't get it! I don't think it's hard to understand why I want to be with my daughter for the vast majority of the weekend when I work 55 hours a week and only get to see her early in the morning and late at night on the weekdays.

All that aside, I am a big fan of whatever works for you. But, I don't think attachment parenting = never leaving your child.

 

[Amy2701]

I never used to leave Lily, like ever! Then when I was further along in my second pregnancy I had to leave her for scan appointments /MW appointments. She was always incredibly attached to me and would scream everytime I left her. Then I was in hospital for 3 days while having my second, so Lily stayed with my sister. Leaving her was the best thing I could have done for her.. She is like a different child now. A lot more independent (although as I type this she's having an "off hour" and screaming my house down lol) and she is happy to go to anyone really. But if I never had a reason to leave her, I never would have. X

 

[NoodleSnack]

It depends, if your baby has to be with you and only you 24/7 or he'll cry non stop, then that's extreme and he does need to learn to be away from you because there might come a time you can't be with him for some period of time. If it's just about daily child care preference, and he's fine being left with others once in a while but you're the one who want to be with him all the time, well he doesn't need to do anything, he's fine and well adjusted.

Personally, I prefer to have him looked after by family members regularly and be able to interact with his cousins if I could, I think children should be raised that way, not in a nuclear family and then we have to seek out playgroups to fill in that void. He'll also need to learn that he can depend on people other than me, so might as well start off that way.

 

[Fitmomma]

F**K!
I am so sick of hearing this crap!
"You NEED to leave her a few hours more often so she can get used to being away from you"

"you HAVE to stop co-sleeping, she'll be too attached!"

"Why doesn't your (insert husband, mother, mil, friend here) watch her and we'll go out"

Im a SHAM for heavens sake! I CHOSE to be a SHAM so I wouldn't have to leave her.

Rant over...... PEACE!!!!

I am with you. I don't want to leave my baby either. I am his mom! He goes where I go. Im sure they mean well but I would just ignore the people that tell you that. You will leave her when you are ready to.

 

[Bevziibubble]

So annoying isn't it! I can't leave my LO for a minute with other people (except my DH) as she's so scared to be without me. I know she will get there in her own time. The last time I left her for an hour with my parents was 7 months ago and she was so distraught she threw up and cried herself to sleep. I was so upset when they told me and I've never left her since. People in my DH's family say that would make them even more determined to leave her again and again until she 'got out of it'. Wtf! No way am I putting my baby through that just so I can have an hour to myself.

You don't have to leave your LO until you're both ready, so just ignore the people who say your spoiling LO!

 

[Jarenk]

UGH!! I got tired of hearing "you're going to spoil your son if you get him now, you need to let him be for a few minutes." "he is going to be spoiled," things of the such. I'd respond back with, " you can't spoil a baby but you can grow their confidence in your ability to be there when they need you the most." I co slept with my bubs until he was a year old and he's turned out just fine. HA

 

[shmoo75]

So far, the only people who support my decisions as a parent are my husband and my parents. Everyone else, including the pediatrician, tells me that I'm spoiling him. If what I'm doing is so wrong, how come he's so far ahead developmentally? Why is he so confident and so happy and so bonded with us?

Nope, I gotta call b.s. on the whole "attachment parenting is another word for overindulgence" train of thought.

well both of mine are also developing nicely(I wont say so far ahead of anyone elses baby because every baby developes at different rates so you can't really compare when they are just babies) Mine are also confident and very happy with us and I leave both of mine at least once a week(not being back at work until 04/03)for at least 2hrs with grandparents and until we did CC with youngest my parents would come over and stay at mine the night and have LO for the night so me and DH got at least 1 nights decent sleep a week as my 2.5yr old is an angel of a night 99% of the time. Its just personal preference. If you were leaving your LO every night to go out partying then that is a different story but once a week or a mth for the night wont do you or LO any harm but, as I said its personal preference and in this situation no one is right and no one is wrong.

 

[bubbles123]

I guess in my mind, it would be good for LO to get used to be away from you for short periods just in case you have to leave her at some point. Life is unpredictable. You may have a medical emergency or you may even want to go away for the weekend with your husband at some point. I think it's nice for our babies to be comfortable in the company of others so they're not upset when we do leave them.

I agree with this, I think people are worried how your LO would be if you ever have to involutarily leave them, for example you go into hospital. My friend had never left her kids and was rushed to hospital with an apendecitis; her kids were so upset. Her hubby had never even put them to bed before and they were distraut and screamed for hours. I think this is what worries people, it's not a criticism of your day to day parenting choices.

 

[jd83]

I guess in my mind, it would be good for LO to get used to be away from you for short periods just in case you have to leave her at some point. Life is unpredictable. You may have a medical emergency or you may even want to go away for the weekend with your husband at some point. I think it's nice for our babies to be comfortable in the company of others so they're not upset when we do leave them.

I agree with this, I think people are worried how your LO would be if you ever have to involutarily leave them, for example you go into hospital. My friend had never left her kids and was rushed to hospital with an apendecitis; her kids were so upset. Her hubby had never even put them to bed before and they were distraut and screamed for hours. I think this is what worries people, it's not a criticism of your day to day parenting choices.

I also agree with this. yes, there are people who say those types of things jsut because they themselves like to have time to themselves, so they think you should to. But there are also other people, like myself, who believe that kids should have SOME experience staying with others for at least a small amount of time in case something ever comes up where they have to stay away from you. When I had my 2nd baby, we were in the hospital for nearly a week because he had jaundice and was moved to the NICU. My son had to stay with my in laws, but since he has doen this before on several occasions, it was fine. He missed us, which was evident when they brought him in each day to visit for a little while, but he was okay with leaving without us as well because he had developed a bit of independence. I view that as a good thing. It makes me feel much more comfortable knowing if an emergency comes up, he won't be freaking out that he can't be with me 24/7.

 

[Randianne]

I have to agree with the other ladies. I don't necessarily think your LO needs to get used to being away from you on any regular basis. However, I think it's good for your LO to feel comfortable with someone else (especially her father). That way, if something happens, it won't be such a traumatic experience and they'll know they're safe even when mom isn't there.

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't agree with this entirely but I hate that it's made out to be such a big deal and that you are told that you're spoiling a baby....you literally can't do that. I'd understand if they were like 2 or something lol.

People do AP and that's fine but if you don't label it as such you get told you must leave them with others. Lucas sees family and friends with me and his dad and it's a completely win/win situation. We get to have a little bit of a break because there are so many people to help out, he gets to see everyone and bond with them (he already adores my brother and MIL ) but if it gets too much for him we're there.

I prefer breaking him into it all gently and I know that if me and OH want to go out or if I need an afternoon to sort out the house etc that he is happy with other people and they all know exactly how we like things done for him.

I think we have a healthy balance. Like I said win/win x