Wife really struggling

FTB2017

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My wife is about 9 weeks and has been off effexor for 3 or 4 weeks now. It's really getting rough. We had a rough day friday...I had brought up some of the marital issues we've had in a text friday...it wasn't the smart thing to do but really wasn't mean spirited...kind of just a question...it sparked a long exchange where she was all over the place. One minute she's telling me all is good, literally the next she can't be happy together...I'm all she needs then she can't be happy in a monogamous relationship...at the end she basically said she was having a rough time and that shes "all over the place" with everything. I made a pact with her that I wouldnt do my "bring up the past thing"...and if I did for a week we would have a "special Saturday night". She was pretty psyched and happy because despite our many talks we never really drew a line in the sand. So far it's been ok. She's definitely noticing my effort. Yesterday opened my eyes though and that's why I'm here. She texted me that it "almost makes it worse" that I'm being so good to her and that she feels like a lump. Then told me she knows her head isn't right and is going to seek counseling to help her cope (she doesn't want to take zoloft or other drugs). I worry alot about her. I've totally blocked out "me" in the grand scheme now...I know the way she feels isn't about me. It's so hard to be helpless. Especially when I know she actually is appreciating what I do for her. She missed work today with a brutal headache. She's just kind of blah...even with our son. From what I've read this is around the time when it really gets rough...(not that it's ever easy) and not having effexor is catching up today. I'd be fine with moody, or mad...but I don't want her sad for one minute. Anyone do counseling or something similar? Any advice?
 
You are just the sweetest. When you said about not wanting her sad it brought tears to my eyes. You are doing EVERYTHING right, it's not selfish or mean to bring up your issues as you matter too in all of this (despite what you've said about taking yourself out of the picture). All I can say is it will get better, even if - and it's just an if - she's in a bad place all pregnancy. Once the baby is out, if necessary she can have whatever drugs she needs (her mental health and the state of your family and two kids far outweighs any need to be breastfeeding). Just hang on in there, let it out here to us or to family or friends. It's good that she's going to try counselling - it'll all be ok, it's just a difficult patch. Pregnancy is rough at the best of times without the added issues that you and your wife have to deal with.
 

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