Will your baby be...

[HarlaHorse]

Hey girlies. I was just reading on this as I was in this situation. To be honest everyone feels differently about this at every stage in life. Let me just give you my personal experience. I am going to be 24 next week, however I had my daughter when I was 15 and "in love". Now, unlike most people, I will not tell you that you can't be in love at that age. To this day I will say I loved my daughter's father with my whole heart and would have married him had he been good husband/father material. At the time I believed he was. I gave our daughter his last name. We were very on and off through the whole pregnancy and after her birth because he could not stay faithful nor did he want to accept what becoming a parent should mean. I am now married to someone else and we have a son together. My daughter lives with us and has had some issues with the fact that she is the only one of us with a different last name. She is too afraid to allow me to try to change it because what little she sees of her father, has her worried that he would stop loving her all together if she dared get rid of his last name. Blah blah blah long story short. It can't hurt a single thing to give your little one, your last name and then change it when you get married and change yours. That way IF for whatever reason things don't work out, you and your baby will have the same last name which is just another connection on top of everything else. I know that the father is always the father but many don't deserve the honor of their child carrying their last name. Sometimes that is a thing we find out after it's too late. Don't just take my word for it, look around you. Watch Teen Mom or 16 & Pregnant and see how many of those poor kids dads are actually there for them or deserve that honor as I said, of passing on their last name. It's not just a name sometimes. For those of you having boys, it will be the last name of your grandchildren as well, and for those having girls, it will be the name she carries until she gets married and even then she may choose to stay with her maiden name. Think about if that boy were to walk out on you 2, would you rather honor him, or yourself? Love to you all and I hope you all think it through before you decide. NO MATTER what you decide though, congrats to you all! There isn't a wrong choice really, just what is more comfortable for each person.

I've chosen to give my baby my OH's name, it's all scarey though. I'm just trusting him 100% that he'll be there the whole way and so far he's showed he will, so lets hope he doesn't change. I honestly do trust him though. And unless he really really screwed up I'd be happy to let my son/daughter carry on the name. Obviously you were trusting your OH not to cheat either which is scarey though. I'm confident I'm making the right decision though, but thanks for posting.

 

[nicole_]

OH surname, he probably wont ever marry me as he doesnt believe in it as hes dad had some horrible experience before.
but it will always be his son and i dont really see us going our seperate ways

 

[kittycat18]

My daughter or son will have my partners surname. It doesn't matter what happens between us in the future- he is still our babys father.

 

[Mellie1988]

My 2 both have my OHs last name, like someone else said, he will always be their daddy and i'm pretty certain we will be married in the next 5 yrs

x

 

[lizardbreath]

Both my kids have their fathers last name. And I dont regret it . because In the end he is their Dad always will be their dad and I wont take that away from him

 

[~RedLily~]

My boyfriends last name. I think it's messed up to give the baby the mothers last name if the dad is going to be taking care of and raising the child. If he skips out then at that point I consider it acceptable to use the mothers surname.

Why shouldn't a child have the same name as their mother? Other than tradition? My LO has my last name I don't think it's 'messed up'.

 

[kittycat18]

My boyfriends last name. I think it's messed up to give the baby the mothers last name if the dad is going to be taking care of and raising the child. If he skips out then at that point I consider it acceptable to use the mothers surname.

Your comment is completely out of line. I will be giving my child their fathers second name because he is the child's father at the end of the day and I want my LO to know who their father is no matter what happens between us. But I don't care if other women want to give their child with their own surname. It is their decision at the end of the day and not "messed up" in any shape or form.

There is a thread over in 2nd trimester about this and a lot of older women don't and aren't giving their children their partners name

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Both my kids have my OH's surname, BUT, they also both have my surname as a second middle name which is on both their birth certificates.

x

 

[AP]

My boyfriends last name. I think it's messed up to give the baby the mothers last name if the dad is going to be taking care of and raising the child. If he skips out then at that point I consider it acceptable to use the mothers surname.

Why shouldn't a child have the same name as their mother? Other than tradition? My LO has my last name I don't think it's 'messed up'.

I agree, and if you somehow end up being the only one raising that child, would you still want the fathers name? Some people do, and fair play, thats their choice, but I wouldn't.

Its way harder getting your babies surname to yours from fathers than other way round. Safer bet is having mothers name til you have the wedding band imo

I used to believe that baby should have fathers name, but when she was born I changed my mind, OH respected this.
It was just as well, as his family pushed me out a lot and if me and LO didnt share our names I think that would have affected my post natal depression further.

 

[Bexxx]

My boyfriends last name. I think it's messed up to give the baby the mothers last name if the dad is going to be taking care of and raising the child. If he skips out then at that point I consider it acceptable to use the mothers surname.

How is it messed up?
I'm going to be taking care of and raising my child just as much, if not more, as the father...

 

[Gee123]

I want he/she to have my fiances name but my mum insists my own, i dont know if i should go along with them or have my fiances name with is better than mine anyway It will also sound lovely if we have a girl - Olivia Rose Tyson

 

[Leah_xx]

My daughter got my OH/FOB's last name. It is his child too so i said she deserves his name no matter what.

 

[RubyTee]

Baby will be having Ben's last name. We had quite a few debates about it and doubling it just didn't sound nice.

 

[xSarahM]

My babies will be taking my OH's last name. Whether we stay together and get married or not, i know he will always be in their lives and he'll be an amazing dad. And if i then marry someone else, my babies will not have the same last name as either of their parents..

 

[syntaxerror]

His. I know it'll mean more to him to have the same name as his baby as it does to me, I like his last name just fine, and I still love him more than anything, regardless of whether he doesn't want to work on the relationship side of things. He's going to be a good daddy, regardless of whether he's around for me.

 

[20102001]

Our is having double barraled (sp! )

 

[xSarahM]

My babies will be taking my OH's last name.
We've only been together for 1 year and im aware that the stress of having children may put too much strain on our relationships and we may not stay together forever. But then if i find someone else and get married, the children will not have the same last name as either their mother or their father.
Also, my OH has been amazing with the whole thing, and is amazing with the children in my family. Even if we do break up, i know he'll always be an amazing dad to our babies.

 

[Harleyy]

Mine will have my boyfriends last name

 

[Callie-xoxox]

my daughter has my last name. We were together when I gave birth.
I told him that if we get married then our daughter could have his last time.

it EASY to change the babies last name to OHs last name after you get married
But its HARD to have your babies name changed to your last name if need be,

 

[djw47]

To all the ladies who mentioned that if you gave baby your last name and ended up marrying someone else then your LO wouldn't have the same last name as either of their parents...well a couple things (coming from my heart and not out of anger) you could hyphenate your last name at that point rather than just taking on your husbands...I didn't only bc my daughter does have her father's last name. However, when I went to enroll her in school, I had to PROVE I was her mother by more than just her birth cert. because my name on her birth cert was different than my married name AND not the same as her father's last name. In that case, it would have been much more simple had she had my maiden name of Danner since my name on her BC was Danner and they would have matched that up. I had to find my marriage license to show where my name changed to Watts and that I married someone other than her father. Also I thought her father would be an amazing daddy and to an EXTENT he is. When he sees her he calls her "daddy's little girl" and gives her hugs & kisses and lets her do whatever she wants really. However, he only sees her 2 times a month because he CHOOSES to skip his Wednesday visits in order to go out drinking and play poker and he always asks me to pick her up early when it's his weekend because he makes plans to go out with friends to bars to watch sports. He is supposed to have her from Saturday morning to Sunday at 7pm every other weekend but usually he has me pick her up around 2...earlier during football season if his team plays at 1. There was even a period when he was married to someone else and she decided to leave. Once she left, he did not see hers (with him) or my daughter (both his kids) for about 2-3 months. He does not call in between visits to speak to his child or tell her he misses her. His only contact with her is for just over 24 hours 2 days a month. I'm telling you, no matter if you're 16 and dating or 35 and married, men do not always feel so attached to their child that they will want to be there 24/7 like us mothers do. They may be great now during pregnancy or even right away when baby comes, but it doesn't always stick! I pray for each one of you that your situation turns out like a fairytale because that is what we ALL deserve. I just don't want you to be naive about the possibilites and make decisions that you may later regret. If you can picture your life going as mine as gone and still then be ok with your baby having their father's last name even if he acts like my ex then you are a strong woman! If you cannot. If you picture yourself and my shoes and think that in this scenario you would wish you had done differently, then be proactive. It is not wrong to stand up for how you feel. If he's for real, he'll know that it doesn't matter if baby starts off with your name because it will end up with his once he says "I DO".


Like I said, that comes from my heart and I do not judge a single one of you who decide to give your LO your OH's last name. I just want you to all make educated decisions regardless of what the decision ends up being! Congrats to you all!