I APOLOGISE NO FOR MY RAMBLING
Im not even sure i want another
Monday i do, tuesday i dont, wednesday i dont
I dunno id love to have another but nursery fees mean ttc is (at the earliest) jan 16, if i werent to catch by may id stop till jan 17. I work at the seaside so cant really take mat leave over summer, i mean i know i CAN but it wouldnt be fair on my team
plus i really want a mid oct baby, the boss wants a late jan baby 
But i really want lo to have a 'proper sibling' (has 2 hlf siblings), days to soft play or farm or zoo etc is always better with a play mate.
And id love to do it again, the belly, the scans, labour
1st smile, 1st word, 1st step etc
Then on the other hand working around 1 is sooooo hard how would i juggle work, a baby and a school boy. We couldnt go on holidays, id never get my dream car (little pink mini with eyelashes
barbies car). Id have to stop shopping at next 
Having to deal with ex baby mumma drama again if i were to go for second
I couldnt spoil oscar the way i do. I keep arguing with myself that he has family, but part time families not the same, is it???
My reasons for not sound so selfish i know but i dunno. My parent to put it bluntly were crap. My childhood was a cold house, very few clothes, no holidays, no days out just arguing parents over money
I want better for my son
I realise no-1 can choose but me but it feels better to 'say' it
Im not even sure i want another
Monday i do, tuesday i dont, wednesday i dont
I dunno id love to have another but nursery fees mean ttc is (at the earliest) jan 16, if i werent to catch by may id stop till jan 17. I work at the seaside so cant really take mat leave over summer, i mean i know i CAN but it wouldnt be fair on my team
plus i really want a mid oct baby, the boss wants a late jan baby But i really want lo to have a 'proper sibling' (has 2 hlf siblings), days to soft play or farm or zoo etc is always better with a play mate.
And id love to do it again, the belly, the scans, labour
1st smile, 1st word, 1st step etcThen on the other hand working around 1 is sooooo hard how would i juggle work, a baby and a school boy. We couldnt go on holidays, id never get my dream car (little pink mini with eyelashes
barbies car). Id have to stop shopping at next Having to deal with ex baby mumma drama again if i were to go for second
I couldnt spoil oscar the way i do. I keep arguing with myself that he has family, but part time families not the same, is it???
My reasons for not sound so selfish i know but i dunno. My parent to put it bluntly were crap. My childhood was a cold house, very few clothes, no holidays, no days out just arguing parents over money
I want better for my son
I realise no-1 can choose but me but it feels better to 'say' it
