wish people would keep opinions 2 themselves..

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by xnewxmummyx, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    ok right so i totally understand people are entitled to their opinions but i totally do not agree with what happened to me today..

    me and OH were out shopping and decided to pop into Wetherspoons for a quick drink ... and I decided to have 1/2 pint stout (like Guiness, only not lol) which I have been doing every other weekend throughout my pregnancy and it has done me, nor baby any harm at all. Alot of people I know always say their grandmothers or generally older generation used to drink this as its full of Iron and Vitamins .. I dont know if its true or not, but I believe I am entitled 2 half whenever I want. So, OH ordered and the barman, or should I say BOY, said to me "is this for you?" and I answered "yep" whilst going to get my ID out of my bag, thinking this is what he wanted, but he said to me "are you pregnant?" so I obviously answered "yeah" and he took the glass away from me!! and said he wasnt happy to serve me because I am pregnant! I was completely gobsmacked, my mind started racing thinking "when did this happen?" as in, I thought I had missed the new rules of LAW and I said to him "excuse me, its my body and my baby and if I want to drink it I will, its not the law" but he totally refused to give me the drink and said its against what he believes, so my OH by this point who was seething asked for manager, so the boy storms off and then 2secs later comes storming back saying "ive got to let you have it" and took our money! my OH spotted the duty manager and took her 2 the side and said he was completely offended by the barBOYs attitude and comments and he had really hurt me, which he had, I was just too shocked to say much else, too which the manager apologised profusely and said he just feels strongly against pregnant women drinking, but agrees he shouldnt have refused me it or lectured me basically. So...I took the drink and proceeded to drink it, but by this point it felt as though everyone in the whole pub was staring at me, and I felt very uncomfortable :cry: The gentleman stood next 2 me at the bar was also very shocked and couldnt believe it...

    Like I said before, I completely understand people are entitled 2 their beliefs and opinions but I do not appreciate a member of staff telling me off when I am a paying customer. He completely made me feel like I am a bad person and that I dont care for my babys well-being, which is completely wrong. I have taken care with everything I eat and drink or activities I take part in throughout my pregnancy and for me to be treated like this at the last hurdle as completed taken the wind from my sails..

    I do not drink excessively on a weekend, half a pint every other if I feel like it, I do not take drugs and I do not smoke, some of which lots of women continue 2 do throughout their pregnancy and all though this is frowned upon, nothing gets said.

    Please dont think I have anything against ladies who smoke through pregnancy cos I dont, I am merely saying it because I didnt smoke pre-preg either and I know lots of people who have/do and their babies are fine...


    Sorry rant over, I am just completely irritated by peoples audasity (spelling lol) and sticking nose in where its not wanted...

    ...i hope u all agree 2 some degree...

    xxxx
     
  2. tas1

    tas1 Mummy of 2 Beautiful Boys

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    I do think it is wrong for refusing you. If you had asked for about 10 shots and triple vodka and coke and then the stout i would understand a little comment but still people should keep their opinions to themselves.

    Your entitled to have a drink and apparently scientists are saying its ok to have a glass of wine a day or a week cant remember. They say alot of things you cant do whilst pregnant but the older generations did them and their babies were fine.

    x
     
  3. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    I agree :) As an after thought I should have said my OH's pint was mine lol, then go back up and order double vodka and coke, teehee...

    xx
     
  4. Babushka99

    Babushka99 Well-Known Member

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    My grandma actually used to crave Guiness when she was pregnant with my mum and did have a half pint once in a while too and my mum is absolutely fine. Its totally your choice and that must have been a really awkward moment!!
     
  5. Gemie

    Gemie Mum to 3

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    Although I wouldn't drink myself in pregnancy (I am tee total anyway) I think it's extremely out of order for him to refuse you due to HIS personal beliefs! omg how rude :shock:
    What you chose to do is up to you and your choice! xx
     
  6. tas1

    tas1 Mummy of 2 Beautiful Boys

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    You should go back in and order a triple vodka and say this ones for the baby lol x
     
  7. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    :haha::haha:

    I would never put my unborn childs health at risk and he was basically saying I am and this is what really got 2 me the most..

    xx
     
  8. rockabillymom

    rockabillymom Punk Rock Mama of 2

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    Its none of his business what you do! My school teachers like to do that to me.. I was outside with a friend while she smoked (I wasnt smoking just talking with her at a safe distance) as I was coming in one of the teachers yelled at me demanding to know if I smoked or not.. I told her frankly it was none of her business and that even if I did she wouldnt be the one to stop me....
     
  9. tas1

    tas1 Mummy of 2 Beautiful Boys

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    I dint mean drink it! He was bang out of order and if it was said to me i would of gone mad but then thats my hormones now,im out of the crying stage just into the if you cross me then run stage lol! x
     
  10. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    lol I know u didnt mean drink it hun lol...

    i did just wanna reach over grab his pony tail and smash his head off bar lol!!

    oops maybe a tad rough?

    hahaha

    xxx
     
  11. ummar

    ummar Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to play devil's advocate here, but I wish more bar staff acted responsibly rather than focus simply on selling as many drinks as possible. I think it is the law that a pub must refuse drinks to those deemed excessively drunk. If they don't, the pub can be fined or even closed down.

    Not saying you were drunk (you just wanted one drink) but on one level I admire a bartender putting a customer's well-being (or his perception of it) ahead of profits - he was brave to do so.
     
  12. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    I work in a restaurant, and work on the bar alot and yep its law 2 refuse service if u feel the customer has already drank too much, or being aggresive, underage also, but I was neither of those so I just think he should have kept his belief 2 himself...

    dont wana start a huge debate here ladies..

    xxx
     
  13. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    I agree with ummar, of course you can order what you want but the guy was considerate too. :) and that's nice to see. At the same time though if it was his beliefs that caused him to react the way he did he could have got someone else to serve you. It's what I would have done. :shrug:
     
  14. spring_baby

    spring_baby <a href="http://pregnancy

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    I am so glad yr oh was there and that he stood up for you, what you choose to do or not do whilst yr pregnant is yr perogative and I hate everyone out there that says can you eat that, stop dont eat that etc etc
    I ahvent read anywhere that you cant have alcohol whilst pregnant i think the guidelines I have in my baby pack say 3 glasses of wine a week or the equivalent.
    I personally have chosen not too, but have been dreaming of cider a lot lately lol I thought baileys would be the first drink I drank when bubs gets here but thinj it will be a cold glass of cider:) xx
     
  15. charlene7828

    charlene7828 Well-Known Member

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    I can see both points here... he as brave in what he done but at same time it none of his business!! totally different if u were in the pub a few hrs and drinking pints of it, then mved on to vokda followed by a few shots!!

    are u from ireland??? cuz i am and although i personally hate the stuff, alot of pregnant women here drink it when pregnant!! it not uncommon at all... ive often had men buy me a glass in a pub while pregnat cuz they presume u will want it!!

    i often have a wee drink myself, but i tend to drink maby a bottle of bud (just cuz it only drink i really like other than maby cocktails which id saftely say is too strong to drink!!) wen i go out then just stick to minerals.. or maby a glass of wine with my dinner!! i dont see the problem once ya not getting "pissed" and falling all over the place!!

    try not let it worry u too much hun, through out our 9 months we are at some point bound to come across someone at some stage tat will insult us over something... it could b anything. i tink its law r something! ha

    u kno ur a good person and a good mummy and at the end of the day tat all that matters... and dont feel everyone was staring at u, i bet they were on ur side...

    let he who has not sinned cast the first stone!!

    xxx:hugs:
     
  16. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    I completely agree that he was totally out of line. Whether or not you were making the right decision, he should have kept his opinions out of it. Or even if he said 'I don't think that's right,' but didn't keep your drink from you. He could have voiced his opinion without taking it too far. I'm so sorry he did that to you!

    As far as drinking while pregnant, I have chosen not to, but I know my last drink was around 3-5 weeks pregnant, before I found out. And I won't lie, if someone offered me a drink or I was around people drinking, I would probably have a small drink. Not liquor, just cuz of the difference in alcohol content, but a beer or something.

    And as my friend who's over here with me said, "If it was truly such an issue, why aren't all the people born in the '60s more ***ed up?"
     
  17. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    At the same time, I agree it was brave of him to voice his opinion and "look out for the safety of your baby," but he took it WAY too far. It's your personal choice if you want to take his 'advice.'
     
  18. lilacmonkey87

    lilacmonkey87 Well-Known Member

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    I worked for wetherspoons for years, from a bar associates point of view if they think someone should not be served then they dont have to serve that person. it doesnt matter about being a paying customer, if staff dont feel comfortable then they totally dont have to serve the alcohol. if it was me, although you had no intention of drinking irresponsibly...i myself would have been hesitant in whether or not i should serve the alcohol, women drinking in pregnancy can be a touchy subject and i think atm people and bar staff in general can be unsure about the legalities surrounding the subject and they dont want to be held responsible if it turned out that you werent a responsible drinker.

    Really he should have been more tactful about it and maybe suggested that he was ok with serving the drink as long as you had no more than 2 units while you were on premises or at the least he should have conferred with the duty manager and perhaps even asked another member of staff to serve the drink...someone who didnt feel as uncomfortable as he did.

    Ummar is right about the law in regards to serving alcohol responsibly - i think its cause of all this why some staff can be a little too hesitant about serving people cause theyre worried too much about the consequences. i mean anything from a fine to losing your job, even prosecution and the possiblity of closing down the est - losing your liscence etc. Alot of customers take it personal when they are refused alcohol but 9 times out of 10 staff just would rather not take the risk if it means avoiding a potential consequence.
     
  19. Anababe

    Anababe Well-Known Member

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    Aww hun I would be angry at that too!! I havent had a drink during this pregnancy, Ive not had an opportunity to really but I know I would be annoyed if i was refused it.

    Although I do believe everyone has a right to an opinion and a right to voice that opinion whenever they want but it was wrong to refuse to serve you, thats just taking his opinion too far and not doing his job properly. Its his right to feel uncomfortable serving a pregnant woman if he feels that strongly about it but he should have just got someone else to serve you rather than making a scene about it. I definitely would have complained about him.

    Try not to worry. You know you have done nothing wrong so dont let it get to you :hugs: xx
     
  20. xnewxmummyx

    xnewxmummyx Mummy, Daddy and Isobelle

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    Thanks ladies, its interesting to see everyones different opinions.

    Like I say, I work, or did before maternity leave, on a bar and I have also refused alcohol but only if the person is drunk or underage, never if they have appeared 2 be pregnant. It is their decision and their body. It isn't the law and we shouldn't be peonalised (sorry spelling) for making decisions.

    I bet women who ask for 20 cigarettes arent refused when they ask for them and are visibly pregnant, or atleast I've never heard of it.

    Also because I am pregnant, this dosent mean I'm not a responsible drinker.

    Just my opinion really.

    xxx
     

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