words of comfort?

[Claireyb1]

Hi Ladies, I am needing some of your advice?
My best friend in the whole world found out yesterday at her 12 week scan that the baby had no heartbeat and had probably died in the last couple of days.
She is having a D&C today under general.
What words of comfort can I give her?
I feel as if I should keep a low profile as my pregnacy is progressing all ok and hers has ended so sadly and suddenly.
I just don't know what to do for the best for her?
Just be there when she wants to talk?
I feel so sad as we were both so excited at the prospect of our 1st children only being 3 months apart.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.

 

[jennijunni]

Okay first, do not keep a low profile, that is the absolute worst thing you could do. There is nothing worse than feeling like the people you love dont care enough to offer their sympathies, and their support. I lost a baby boy at 17 weeks, almost 4 months ago. My sister and I are best friends, and she did not call, or stop by or anything, I was so hurt, and frankly angry. SHe just did not know what to say, but you dont need to say anything, just be there, give hugs, listen, make some food for the family, hang out, and just be a good friend. Hugs to your friend!! And hugs to you!! You seem like a good friend who wants to be supportive. GL!!

 

[mandyt]

A agree with Jennijunni.....I had a mmc june/july and everybody either just acted like nothing had happened and i was never pregnant or i didnt see them for dust!

Your best friends needs you more thabn ever.....she will probably want to talk about.

Im sure reading these posts will help you decided what to do for the best...but you need to do whats best for your friend not whats best for you (sounds harsh but thats what people feel like)

xxx

 

[Bells n Bump]

I agree just be there for her, she will need you more than ever. When I had found out at my 12 week scan my best friend had just had a baby and she thought I wouldn't want her there so she avoided me, I understand she was thinking of me now but at the time I was upset.

Luckily I am very close to my sister and she was there a lot for me and was a great shoulder to lean on, I also worked with her so she made sure that people who knew about the pregnancy knew what had happened so I wasn't asked about how the scan went.

I can understand it is difficult to know what to do but just be there for her for if she wants to talk about it, you sounds a great friend and I'm sure your friend knows she is lucky to have someone like you at a time like this xxx

 

[chirizma]

I dont think there is any magical saying that will make her feel better.
But from my own experience, I would say to just be there for her. Let her know you love her and will listen anytime she needs. Spend time with her, dont pretend it didnt happen but at the same time let her bring it up to you when she needs to talk about it. but mostly, hug her and support her. Call and check on her to make sure she is doing okay.
you could always ask her if there is anything she might not want you to bring up, in regards to your own pregnancy at this time. if that makes sense.
*hugz* Im so sorry for her loss.
this will be a hard time for, but please dont back away from her. because that will make it harder for her. If she needs space, she will tell you, KWIM? But Im sure right now, she will need you more then ever

 

[Claireyb1]

Thanks ladies, all of what you have said seems right.
We have been talking by text since yesterday as she found it hard to string a sentence together without having uncontrolable tears, so text was easier for her.
I have been speaking with her sister also, who is informing me of her progress today. I am lucky to be very close to her family too.
I have siad I will come and see her on monday if she feels up to it, but I have not put any pressure on her. It has to be in her own time etc etc.
I am going to send her some lovely bright flowers to say I'm thinking of her and that I love her dearly.
Thank you all again for the advice and sorry for your losses too.

 

[KahluaCupcake]

Just be there for her. Go out of your way to be kind to her.
If you can, send her a card. And send her flowers. This is not the time for an "edible arrangement".....flowers would do her wonderful. She will most likely preserve at least one of them to keep forever in remembrance of her lost child.
I was extremely hurt that everyone avoided me, changed the subject, and only ONE person sent a card.

If you go to the miscarriage support forum here, there's a sticky up top for Angels for Hope...you can have an angel or butterfly sent to her.

And try to not talk about your pregnancy unless she asks. She IS happy for you, but I can speak from experience when I say that she is also extremely jealous, and as much as she loves you, is questioning her faith with "why me and not her?" Not that she would ever wish a bad thing on you or your child. But I just recently went through this, and trust me...logic isn't really part of the beginning of the grieving process. If she asks about your pregnancy, definitely answer her, but don't go on and on about it.

It is so hard.

 

[KahluaCupcake]

Oops! I saw you said you will be sending flowers. That is so wonderful of you!