Worried about DH relationship with LO

[Pinkvc]

Okay, so brief background. LO is 4 months old, and has never spent more than 30 mins alone with DH. This isn't intentional, it's just happened that every time I've been away from her (few hours here and there and 2 full days), DH has always been with me, so she's been with her GPs.

I've been pretty worn out recently and DH wanted to buy me a spa day. I refused cos money is tight and we agreed that as an alternative, I'd have a pamper night at home once a wk (bath, tan etc). Tonight was the first night - its been 40 mins and LO has cried nearly the whole time.

DH adores LO but I can hear him getting stressed. I don't want to interfere and tell him what to do, but what can I do to make it better for them both?

 

[robinator]

Honestly, I think this is a case of practice makes perfect. The more time he spends being solely responsible for her, the easier it will become. It'll be stressful for him in the beginning, until he "figures" things out... Same for your LO; she needs to get used to Daddy and that'll take a little bit.

Good for him for letting you have some "me" time

 

[carlyjade86]

What robin said! They have to learn how to be together without you. I personally don't think men have the intuition like woman... They have to learn it. My oh gets a look of blind panic when Elsie starts crying, but he is getting better at dealing with it, where as before he'd give her straight to me with a "she wants feeding" even if she didn't!

 

[Pinkvc]

Thanks for the replies. I know you're right, but I don't know how to encourage him without sounding patronising! We've been together 10 yrs so I should be able to handle him!

He didn't make an hour - brought LO up to me in the bath and she immediately stopped crying and smiled - think that made poor DH feel worse.

Think I'll just have to try to encourage them to spend more time together.

 

[robinator]

You can also give him a list of activities to try. Instead of saying, "you could do this and this and this", which can sound patronizing, disguise it by saying, "lately, LO really seems to like doing such-and-such".

 

[Nat0619]

I'm wondering if this could be partly an age thing too. I seem to recall my LO going through a phase of not seeming to like daddy around 4 months. It didn't last long and she's a real daddy's girl now .

I think it's just perseverance. Just keep trying and try to enjoy your 'me' time x

 

[PG5K]

Lasting an hour is a good start to work from.
I often say to my DH, "I've found doing... really helps her sleep/keep her happy"
I don't know if he finds it patronizing but then I'll see him doing it.

It must be hard on them when all they want is mommy. My daughter is in exactly the same phase and i do feel sorry for my husband as he tries so hard to play with her.

 

[Pinkvc]

I'm really grateful to you all - you've made me feel much better!

I've suggested to DH that it would be nice for LO to have more time with daddy and he agrees!

 

[aliss]

Throw him into the water and let him swim!

Go for a walk, out to the mall, whatever.... just leave them though. He has to find his own way. It can take men so long to learn/bond because we mamas keep interferring

 

[Twister]

It's similar with my oh. So we've decided that on Saturday, instead of us all going and doing the weekly shop, I'm going to go alone and leave LO with oh. I can't stand to hear LO cry, so if she starts getting really worked up with oh I can't help but step in, or oh throws the towel in and hands her to me. At least if I'm out the house then he will have no choice and I won't know any different. I'm a bit nervous since its the first time I'm leaving LO, but I'm sure it will all be fine and I'll only be gone an hour tops. I just think it will be good for oh to have that one on one time with Jessica without me there as backup. He needs to learn how to calm her too.

 

[Pinkvc]

It's quite difficult cos DH is working full time and doing overtime cos money is so tight, so cos we only get a few hours together I want us to spend them as a family!

 

[Lissidoll123]

I agree with all of the above! Our LO was in hospital for 10 days at 9 days old and me and oh had to take it in turns to stay there and sleep overnight with LO. Oh had to do it cos I was so exhausted! It was awful situation but in hind sight it really did him good to spend time with LO on his own. He's great with her now, better than me I'd say! He doe everything and I feel comfortable going out and leaving her with him. The nurses helped him lots in hospital too and guided him when needed. Xxx

 

[SaMa86]

Like the other ladies have said I found that just letting him have time on his own with LO was what worked. You may have to leave the house completely to protect your own sanity, you can't hear LO crying if you're not there. They will figure each other out.