Worried about OH

[welshgirl21]

OH and I had a good talk yesterday and he opened up to me about how he has been feeling; he said he is feeling at the moment like everything is centred around the baby and people don’t ask how he is anymore or how work is etc, but he feels selfish for saying that or feeling like that and that most conversations are around the baby and we need to remember that we are still ‘us’ too.. He is also very nervous about the 12 week scan as he wants to make sure everything is ok with the baby.

He also said that he has so much to do on the house before the baby arrives, but he isn’t being given the time as he is being asked to work weekends or we have plans with our families.

He is feeling very down about himself too as he has put on a bit of weight recently, but he is angry with himself because he swore he would never get this big again and he isn’t sleeping properly as when he lays down it’s tight across his neck and he has started snoring which he says is embarrassing for him and he worries he keeps me awake and I’m not getting enough sleep.

Any ideas what I can do to help him or make him feel better?

I have reassured him that I still think he is gorgeous and that I will help him to lose weight by making sure we cook healthy dinners together. I have also said that I will try to not talk about the baby all the time and not always bring up names/nursery ideas/prams etc. I’m also going to use the weekend he is working to start sorting out the house like tidying the clutter etc so there isn’t as much for him to do.

He has been the most wonderful support since we conceived and he cannot possibly do any more than he has been for us both and it hurts me that he is so unhappy with himself.

 

[kat2504]

It sounds like you have already agreed to do lots of supportive things for him.
I guess it can be overwhelming for men too. They worry about getting the house ready and they worry about earning enough to provide for the baby. Also us women can get a bit carried away too early with the baby stuff as it is naturally on our mind all the time.
Save the names and prams until the second half of the pregnancy. It is exciting to think about it but 9 months is a long time and if you make all those decisions so early you have not got much left to do towards the end!

The baby will not be an expert on interior design and will be quite happy if it has a cot to sleep in, it doesn't need a designer bedroom. make a list of priority things that need doing and hopefully getting some of them done and ticking them off the list will make him feel better.

 

[redbubble]

Youre def doing the right thing in reassuring him. Its really hard for both of you. You cant help but be excited and he cant help but be excited in a male way! My OH is overweight too and its getting him down a bit as well. I just have to kep reassuring him that i still love him and find him attractive. Maybe, if youre not feeling too sick, you could book a night away somewhere nice just for the 2 of you and spend your time just being together. Nothing beats quality time together. Is there anything you used to like doing together before you got pregnant that you can still do now? Maybe a course or a 1 day healthy cooking course or something? Im the same as you and will randomly blurt out baby names at my OH. am not entirely sure he actually listens to me anymore and just says yes or no to it so......

Kat2504 is right - as long asthe baby has a cot to sleep in and the love of its mummy & daddy, it doesnt need anything else.

I know how you feel on the de-clutter side. Ive felt so crappy throughout my pregnancy so far that i cant stand to cook anymore or im feeling too awful to do any housework and then OH comes home from work and does it all, which makes me feel a million times worse. I try to do little bits now so it doesnt wipe me out, i.e. do the dusting and polishing, have a rest then an hour or 2 later i'll tackle the hoovering of 1 or 2 rooms and so on.....

xx

 

[Jai_Jai]

I think what you are doing is just all the right things hun I feel bad for you r OH but hopefully he will come round and relax a bit once you have your scan....you doing those things will also help - sorry I have no more advice xx

 

[yumosh]

wow how refreshing to hear of women who actually care about their men.. I posted on another thread saying men need support too and they are really scared about providing..I was accused of living in the 1920s!!! This woman chose to bitch about her man rather than ask for advice, like you, as to how to make him feel at ease.

i agree us women do get carried away and society focuses on you and the baby, the man just gets forgotten..from my experience, it's these relationships that end in divorce or cheating etc..

my hubby and I have drawn up an agreement: we will both feed the baby (my breast, he bottle to bond), I will return to work two days a week after 6 months and he will look after the baby those two days (we are wont earn as much him taking two days off but our baby is more important than designer baby clothes), and we have a budget..

we are going on 'date nights' regardless of having a baby..we're lucky his mum lives nearby, but we have vowed not to become those couples where the woman is totally obsessed with the baby and has forgotten her man and romance..

I think you've got a great man there who is concerned for you and cares. I would say just communicate and keep the romance alive and share baby chores

 

[no drama mama]

He sounds like a great guy... and you sound pretty great yourself I think you've got a good plan. I have a feeling that his anxiety about the scan is manifesting itself like this and that he'll be feeling a lot better once you've had it.

I worry about my DH too. It seems like ever since I've been pregnant, I can't focus on anything else. I need to do a better job of focusing on us for awhile.

 

[HoldOn2Hope]

I have a feeling a lot of men feel this way a never say it. It's a great thing he is opening up to you! Something that me and my husband have tried to do since we got pregnant is to have one night a week where we go to dinner and do not talk about baby or pregnancy or parenting or anything like that. We have lots of talks in between, but our (usually) Friday night date nights are used to reconnect about US. It's helped him and me too! It helps us remember that we aren't just parents. We are people and we are still the lovely couple we were 3 months ago.

I also try to cook something special for him that he likes even if I'm not into it, or to take his suits to the cleaner if i have a moment, or little things like that so he feels cared for. It's the little things sometimes that count most.

 

[sjwebb]

You are such a good wife. I know sometimes it hard for me to feel involved because they really can't be a father until the baby is born and in their arms. I think its normal for men to feel like that. I know if I was a man, I would feel the same way. Just like the other girls said, your doing a great job, maybe take him out somewhere special, what kind of hobbies does he like? Do something that he likes to do and get his mind of baby for a little bit.

 

[luckybreak]

Awwww what a great guy! and you sound wonderful too...I think when he comes home instead of talking about the baby ask him how was his day, let him rest and settle before you mention anything remotely of work or baby or bills etc etc...just love on him and then he will come around and ask abou the baby then go all out Ask him when he wants to work on the house "which weekends" that way when family or friends call wanting to do things tell them you already have plans and not put him in the middle by saying let me ask OH etc etc in regards to the weight men are lucky, cut out the pop and give him water and serve more veggies and meats and less carbs with that and his work around the house he should shed the pounds quicker...I dont like the tightness around the chest thing he may need to get that checked out.