Worried about surnames

[pinkribbon]

I'm in a bit of a rut on who's surname to choose for baby. Mine or FOBs. We're not married, and because the majority of our money will be spent on looking after baby, we'll be waiting a few years if we decide to marry.

I actually prefer FOB's surname to mine... but on the other hand I'm worried we won't get married, or something will go wrong, and baby will have a different name from me. I know it's not that big of a deal and he/she will be my child no matter whos name they take... but I just think it'll be a bit wierd if baby doesn't have the same name as me.

There's also FOB's feeling to consider, he definately wants baby to take his name which is understandable. Also his family's feelings and my family's feelings.

Complicated? I think so.
Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so, what decision did you make?

 

[wiganlass]

go with which ever you feel more comfy with,are baby will have my oh's surname as its normally traditional to have there farthers surname unless your not together and you dont speak xxx

 

[RHR]

Me and my partner aren't married but we are engaged and living together. Once our LO arrives he/she will have my partner's surname. As we want to get married in the future it will also be one less hassle of trying to get bump's surname legally changed.

It's tough luck on what my family think as in the end it's our decision and not theirs.

 

[wannabubba#4]

I agree with wiganlass - you have to go with your feelings on this. But it is much easier to change the surname to his at a later date -say when you get married etc; than it is to change it back to your name.

My first two kids were to my first husband and automatically took his name , we later divorced and I went back to my maiden name.
With my third baby, I wasn't married but chose to give my son his dads name and as he treats the other two as his also and they both already called him dad, we decided (with their agreement and their biological fathers too -and expense of legalities of that) that we'd change their surnames too. We married last year so this baby will have dads surname too.

My ex-hubby and his family are well known to the police and just the mention of our old surname brought questions about who we are related to etc, so tbh I was glad to get shot of it. They didn't need to grow up with that stigma around them.

xx

 

[tashalina]

We got engaged when I was pregnant with my son, he took OH name and then I joined them when we got married. I know you say marriage will be a few years off, are you engaged coz if so I think OH might be a bit upset if you said you were unsure on what name in case u dont get married lol...its down to u though, have a chat with your OH and decide together xx

 

[GossipGirl]

I'm not married to my OH but we're living together and I had no decision in that I'm going to give the baby his surname. We'll probably get married sometime in the future and I would just prefer the baby having his name. My parents suggested a double barrelled surname but I can't stand them (sorry anyone here who has one!) but I really don't like them so that won't be happening.

Do what feels best for you and what you feel happiest with.

 

[shortie1990]

We're not married either, but automaticaly we started calling it baby Taylor (OH's surname)

No matter what happens between me and OH, we chose to have a baby as it was what we both wanted, and its more of a commitment than marrage IMO, so no matter what he's still going to be the father, and he will be a cracking one at that, even if his feelings for me do change in the future. His father is his father at the end of the day.

 

[Teeny Weeny]

My first son has his dads surname as we were engaged at the time. Unfortunately we broke up and so we have different names...but I don't really mind too much.

This time I am unsure of what surname to have...I might give him mine an then if me and OH get married change it then. I just don't want two children with different names to me. But it is individual choice. xx

 

[Odd Socks]

our baby will have oh's surname, because i've heard it'll make things easier down the line. we're not married, & like you, won't be for a good while yet, even though we've been together almost 7 years. we just never got round to getting engaged or married, but have lived together almost 6 years, & decided that starting a family was more important to us than getting married at the point we're at in our lives.

xx

 

[clarebo9]

I have been with my hubby for 16 yrs and we arent married, we have 3 children already who are 11 and twins that are 10, I always wanted them to have their dads name, as we are not planning on getting married. Also gives the children that speacial connection to their dad. I overheard my OH explaining this to his mate the other day and although we are steady together, he said a child will only ever have 1 mum, but on occasion they end up with 2 dads if a relationship breaks down, I was really quite in awe about how he said it, was nice to hear what he thought too.
Good luck in your choice tho x

 

[x-amy-x]

caitlyn had daddy's surname. It was never an issue. She was always going to be taking his surname

That said, we're married now so we're all the same

xx

 

[LoobyBump]

I'll start by saying, do what you feel is right for you...

My story is that i felt 'obligated' to call my DD1 her fathers name, and now it bugs the poo out of me. I kicked him into touch at 3 months old. I tried to change her name to my name, but solicitor advised me not to as he could have it overturned in a court. basically i should have given her my name from day one. I am since married and he refuses to allow her to change her name to my married name, well add it on double barrelled (she wants to), so she's been guilt tripped by a 44 yr old grown man! I've told her once she's 16 she can do what she wants as no judge will go against her at that age.

As for naming LO fob name...well we did that with DD2, but when we got married a couple of years later, we had to go back and re-register her. Basically, the fact that we weren't married at the time of her birth has been wiped off records, it appears that we were married when we had her to all who check her birth cert and records. That annoyed the hell out of me as i felt 'they' were trying to cover up a huge SIN!!!

I think the time it only got complicated was just before we got married...as i had 2 DD with 2 names, my OH and then my maiden name...it made booking holidays complicated!

Sorry that was such a ramble...hope its given a bit of insight x

 

[cw1975]

Me and my baby's dad aren't really together but we are still best friends and decided when I found out I was pregnant that we wanted to do this together and we can deal with our own situation once baby is born and we are settled.

He is coming to stay with me once baby is born and everything, would never rule out getting back together but for the time being we have decided we would rather be as we are and remain best friends, than be at each others throats and together just because we have the baby.

Anyway getting ot the point, it was my decision to give the baby his surname. He will always be his dad, no matter what happens between me and him and if anything happened to me, he will be the one bringing the baby up.

Long winded - but long boring day in work

 

[StarLightxx]

So glad you posted this up!! I have been worrying about this too!
Theres no way we could double barrel our surnames as they sound stupid together!

He thinks baby should take his surname but we're not married. And marriage? Well we cant afford that right now! Dont even think I want to get married tbh!

but his surname is very popular lol. I want it to have my surname but he's the only son in his family and thinks he should be carrying on their name!
Hang on what about my familys name!! I have a bro but who says he's ever gonna get married!

Surnameless baby is the answer perhaps lol!

 

[Pearls18]

Our baby will definately be getting my partner's name but we are getting married in december so it's not a tough decision neways I guess tbh. I think even if we were'nt engaged I'd give LO OH's name just coz I'm a bit of a traditionalist. But i know what u mean about having diff surnames, i dnt like the fact we'll have diff surnames for 3 months!! only prob is tho if u give babba ur name, as and wen u get married ul have to change babba's name again...i duno if it's a hassle but just worth baring in mind. Tbh i think if you know ur getting married no matter how long down the line id give LO ur partner's name. But it's totally personally and there's no right or wrong! it's whatever u feel comfortable with, just make sure u find a first name that matches both names lol xxx

 

[karamel]

My daughter will have my surname.
FOB & I are in a situation at the moment, not exactly together.
But, even still, when we were living together & engaged, I told him that if we were not married at the time of her birth, she was going to have my last name. I didn't and don't want a different last name than my child.
If we were to ever get married, it doesn't take much to change her last name to his. But like you said, if something does go wrong, having a different last name than my child is just not something I'm willing to do.
Oh & his opinion on it ; he's fine with it, he knows where I'm coming from. & he also knows if we were to get married, it doesn't take much to change her last name. I'm sure if you explain it to your OH ; he'll understand

Good luck xx

 

[curioser_5]

Me and my OH arnt married or engaged but we have been together almost 9 years and our baby will take his last name. I have been on about getting engaged for a few years now,lol, and now that we are having a baby he keeps saying how we will have to get married in the next few years so we can all have the same last name,which, although it dosnt really matter, i think it would be nice Aswell i would never want to give my baby my last name as i have major problems with my father, and i dont even want it!lol

 

[Joyzerelly]

There was no way either of us wanted our baby to have a different name to us entirely, and even if we get married I will keep my own name. So we've gone double barrelled with my name going first just because it sounds better that way around.

 

[princessellie]

when leyla was born i refused to give her her dads surname, for the simple reason that we werent married and i figured if we broke up, which we since have, i wouldnt want her to have his surname since he wouldnt be doing the majority of bringing her up, i would never give my baby someone elses surname, if youre married its different because then its your surname aswell but i would always want my baby to have same surname as me

x

 

[Linz88]

both hun, xx