Worried and Mad!!! AGH!!!!

[hancake100]

Hello I just need to have a little rant!!

I am living with my mum at the moment and she is a smoker!
I was a smoker but given up soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was hard but it was something I had to do.

Well anyway, I have done some washing today and It smells so lovely (I love the ssmell of fresh washing,hehe) But she has just got out of bed (because she works nights). WIthin a few seconds she lite up a dirty stick and the smell hit me straight away and makes me feel sick!!!
She has been sat here and smoked 6in the last hour and it has got me really mad and upset!!!

My brother and his OH have just had a baby and when they used to come round when she was pregnant she would never smoke in the house, she would go out the back.
But with me she smokes in the house and walks around with it and I feel like screaming!!!!!!!!!!
My brother had a go at her about smoking awhile back and she just gets mad and says its her choice!!

And also what is this doing to my little baby girl in my tumtum!!

Sorry about the rant but this has made me soooooooooo mad today!!!
xxxxx

 

[Buffy71]

Aw hunny that's so selfish of her.

Have you tried sitting her down and telling her how you feel, calmly?

I expect it was easier for her when your brother's OH was expecting as she could do it just as and when they came round - but with you living there she might not even have thought about it.

Hope she takes it well.

 

[hancake100]

She gets touchy about things like this........... And I dont know where to start, I know my dad would be mad (he passed away just over 3years ago - he stopped months before he passed away and hated it) She still carried on and when people talk about it she tends to go into a mood!!
But this is really upsetting me at the moment. I mean if she wants to smoke then fine but not around me as I do live here as well!! I dont want anything to go wrong and want a healthy LO!!
Thankyou for your reply hun! xxx

 

[Mariposa]

Awww bless you hun, I would simply ask her politely if she would mind not smoking around you whilst you are pregnant, as it is not good for you (makes you feel sick) or the baby.
As it's going to be her grand-daughter you might find that she is ok about it. She might just be assuming that you don't mind as you havn't said anything to her and as you used to smoke she might not realise what she is doing. Good luck x x

 

[QTPie]

Oh honey, I know how you feel 100%. Apart from that I don't live with my mother... so I have that going for me, BUT everything else is identical

My Dad dies 5.5 years ago, my Mum now lives on her own. She is VERY sensitive about her right to smoke and has never shown ANY consideration around husband and I (who have never smoked, I am also asthmatic). Her health, "the only thing that keeps her going", her choice...

I almost caused a scene - just days after my BFP - when we (my Mum, my husband and me) were visiting old family friends. The woman of the couple offered to my Mum that she could go and smoke in the garden, but my Mum made a BIG thing about how she wouldn't be that inconsiderate and how the woman had asthma etc. I was absolutely enraged: I was sat there at these family friends' dinner table and was on the verge of either yelling or crying (if you know what I mean). I think that it began to show in my voice and my mother started to get VERY defensive ("I have EVERY right to smoke in my own house!" - except she wont if other non-smokers, not me, are around...). So I had no option but to drop the subject and quietly fume... My mother has NO qualms about smoking around us, has no qualms about smoking in my kitchen (despite knowing she shouldn't). BUT she makes a BIG thing about NOT smoking around other people who are not smokers. What does that say about how much consideration she gives me (her only child?)? Ok, I know it isn't that she doesn't love or care for me... it is just she expects me to accept it because I love her...

To be honest, I do not care what she does with her health anymore (her choice), but I do care about my health (especially now pregnant) and my baby once it is born. The MW has already warned me about the dangers of passive smoking to babies (related to SIDS). Not only being in a smokey environment, but being picked up by a smoker within 20/30 minutes of them smoking (since they are likely to have increased levels of carbon dioxide - a contributor to SIDS) hanging around their person.

My mother is a also a master of justifying things to herself (i.e. smoking in my kitchen on a cold day is ok if she has the hob extractor on... OR if she stays in the kitchen then opens the backdoor to blow smoke out ). How can I trust her to ever babysit? Before long she will have,s omehow, justified it to herself that she can hold the baby with a cigarette in her mouth...

We haven't been into my Mum's flat since I got pregnant (not sure if she realises the avoidance) and I have yet to raise the issue with her (rarely a good time and don't think it will be pretty!), but I need to do it soon (especially re her handling the baby...).

It isn't going to be good - so I feel your pain. But you have it a lot worse: I couldn't even go into my Mum's flat, let alone live there...

AND BREATHE! (am posting this straight after posting on a thread about "not stressing" - DOH! )

QT

She gets touchy about things like this........... And I dont know where to start, I know my dad would be mad (he passed away just over 3years ago - he stopped months before he passed away and hated it) She still carried on and when people talk about it she tends to go into a mood!!
But this is really upsetting me at the moment. I mean if she wants to smoke then fine but not around me as I do live here as well!! I dont want anything to go wrong and want a healthy LO!!
Thankyou for your reply hun! xxx

 

[hancake100]

Thankyou so much for your reply 'QT'
I really dont know how to address the situation with her because of how touchy she gets, I hate the fact that I smell of smoke when I dont even smoke but my main problem is my unborn daughter.

I dont want to fall out with her as she is so good to me but I just dont know what to do. She smokes soooooooo much as well, I understand that it is a comfort things to her and I want her to be happy and smoking is her choice not mine (so dont make me smoke)

I would love her to stop more than anything but I dont think that is going to happen. Agghhhhh!!! I do think she is being selfish, she can see me covering my nose with my top everytime she lights a dirty stick up, but I cant do that every time. xxx

 

[purpledahlia]

could you maybe approach it and ask if theres some kind of comprimise? maybe you could ask her to let you know when shes gonna light up so you can go away fom her, or get a tv in your room and chill up there? or have you got another room you can go to... maybe ask to limit the smoking to certain room, like maybe her room and the kitchen, so you can sit in the living room and watch tv... and she wont feel like your judging her or annoying her just wanting to say have half the house smoke free... ?

 

[hancake100]

Yes, I am going to have to say something to her (wish me luck )
I have a TV in my room and I always use my laptop so I could go anywhere in the house really but I think the living room is a family place and should not be smoked in. My brand new little niece comes round alot (she goes outside in the back garden when she is here though) But there will still be a smell around.

My mum is so house proud as well and she is forever cleaning, but the smoke is a bigger problem I think.

I think I will be having a word with her tomorrow though (she works nights and is about to go to work, so if it ends up getting out of hand I dont want to leave it with her storming off to work)

Thankyou all so much for your help.

 

[MoonMuffin]

could you maybe approach it and ask if theres some kind of comprimise? maybe you could ask her to let you know when shes gonna light up so you can go away fom her, or get a tv in your room and chill up there? or have you got another room you can go to... maybe ask to limit the smoking to certain room, like maybe her room and the kitchen, so you can sit in the living room and watch tv... and she wont feel like your judging her or annoying her just wanting to say have half the house smoke free... ?

There's no point in her only smoking in some parts of the house, it'll get everywhere weather you can smell it or not, and 2nd hand smoke is even worse then smoking the cigarette yourself. The toxins get into carpet, furniture, clothes, everything and continue to be released into the air days weeks and months later (well clothes can be washed, but it stays untill they are). We live with my MIL and when FIL was alive he was constantly smoking in the house even though he knew how bad it was for me and baby (and even though he agreed to smoke outside), and even though he knew that he was increasing the risk of Kathryn dying from SIDS a lot (he didn't die untill she was 3 months old). Smoking is a big time addiction and addicts will do anything/say anything to get their fix, and nicotine is so so addictive (I used to smoke before I was PG with my DD).

from https://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=33573

Q: What about other people smoking around the pregnant woman?
A: New studies show that if a woman's partner smokes near her during her pregnancy, there are added risks. She has a greater chance of having a baby that weighs too little and may have health problems.
So, a pregnant woman should ask her partner, and other people as well, not to smoke near her.

Q: If a mother who smokes breast feeds her baby, does the nicotine get into her milk?
A: Breast feeding is a good way to feed a new baby but smoking may cause problems. Nicotine is a poison in cigarettes. So if the mother smokes, the baby drinks the poison in her breast milk.

Q: Are there any long-term harmful effects on the baby if the mother smokes during pregnancy?
A: Yes, there can be. Smoking during pregnancy may mean that after the child is born it will have more colds and other lung problems.
These children may also be slower learners in school. And they may be shorter and smaller than children of nonsmokers. And, of course, they are more likely to smoke when they get older because they see their parents smoking.

Q: We know that a woman should not smoke during pregnancy, but is it alright to go back to smoking after the baby is born?
A: It makes no sense at all for her to go back to smoking! Even after the baby is born, her smoking can hurt the baby.
Babies have very small lungs and airways which get even smaller when they breathe smoke-filled air. Smoking can make it hard for the baby to breathe. It can cause lung problems like bronchitis and pneumonia that could put the baby back in the hospital.
Babies of smokers also get more colds and coughs and middle-ear infections. Mothers should also ask people like family, friends, baby sitters, and day care workers not to smoke in any areas near the baby.

 

[littledancer]

I'm a bit of a b*tch so I would say something like "Just let me know when you're going to light up and I'll step outside since clearly you won't"

I know, won't solve anything and would probably cause a big row but I'm just being a big baby about certain things *grin*

 

[hancake100]

Thankyou 'MoonMuffin'
This has made my mind up and I am 100% going to have a chat with her, It isnt fair. I wish they would ban it, we would all be better off!!

I cant believe that I EVER smoked, no I am looking at it at the other end of the tunnel, I keep thinking why do they sell something that is SO harmfull to us???????

 

[EmmanBump]

awww hun its horrible isnt it, im living with my mum n dad for a few more months n my parents r both heavy smokers n theyre not very considerate about it, but theyre quick to say i cnt eat this or do tht, when theyre the ones basically harming me, not me. its so frustrating!!!! the only thing i do is try to keep away from them, its a lot easier said than done tho.

 

[hancake100]

awww hun its horrible isnt it, im living with my mum n dad for a few more months n my parents r both heavy smokers n theyre not very considerate about it, but theyre quick to say i cnt eat this or do tht, when theyre the ones basically harming me, not me. its so frustrating!!!! the only thing i do is try to keep away from them, its a lot easier said than done tho.

I know what you mean, when shes saying ooww I dont think you can eat that........... Well me and my baby dont want to inhale your smoke either!! Oh I am on one today with this and its getting me very mad!
I do try and stay clear as much as I can, but she smokes that much I would prob never see her if I kept away every time.

She is at work now so I am smoke free and I will prob be at the boyfriends after tonight! SMOKE FREE!!!

 

[jem02]

Sorry to hear this sweetie, oh's parents smoke(only in their kitchen') butoh tells them to go outside when I'm in and they can't smoke for at least an hour before they see lo when he/she arrives xxx

 

[QTPie]

Good luck talking to your Mum, hancake. Let us know how it goes...

I certainly appreciate how difficult it is

QT

 

[hancake100]

Thankyou hun!! I will let you know!! xxx