Worrying about being a mum...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Club' started by Blondie, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. Blondie

    Blondie Well-Known Member

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    OK so I'm 32, pretty intelligent really but I have absolutely no idea about babies, looking after babies etc and I'm now starting to worry a little that you go through 9 months pregnancy, give birth then a couple of days later they let you walk out of the door with a tiny baby! That thought is absolutely terrifying me :(

    We don't have any family within a 200 mile radius so it's not like I'll have anyone I can turn to.

    My sisters all have kids and they both laugh at me for being so non-maternal (they don't know I'm pregnant yet) and joke about how I know absolutely nothing about kids. :(

    People keep saying - oh you will just know, and you will become really maternal as you get further along but I'm very much a business minded person who needs a good plan of what I need to do and the idea of "winging" it is pretty scarey.

    Does anyone else worry like this? How do we go about learning to be a mum and knowing what our babies need?

    Please tell me I'm not alone in thinking this and that every first time mum has these worries.
     
  2. polo_princess

    polo_princess ♥ Brookes Mummy ♥

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    Its perfectly natural hun, dont worry!!

    I think all of us have had similar thoughts at some point, after all it is a completely life changing thing .. something youve never done before.

    You'll be fine, you soon get the hang of it :)
     
  3. babystar

    babystar Guest

    i was not "maternal!" according to all my family etc.... I have 2 and another on the way...it seems daunting at 1st but it is a naturral thing and it will come flooding to you.. I worried too at 1st
    :hugs:
     
  4. Bekkiboo

    Bekkiboo Guest

    You'll be fine hun, I had my first at 17 and I was terrified about the prospect of becoming a mum, but it does all fall into place after baby is born! :hugs:

    I think all women have a natural in-print (for lack of a better word) for motherhood regardless of whether they think it or not. :hugs:
     
  5. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    I am the same. I was an only child and have had very little contact with children of any age let alone tiny wee babies! I was always adamant that I would not have kids (then again I used to tell my Mum I would live at home forever and have lots of cats!! Hmmmmm! :rofl:)

    But, I'm doing my reading (nottoo much as I found a lot of it a bit scary or worse, condescending! Yes I know not ot place your baby under the water in the bath!!!!!) and I'm sure that with hubby's help we'll muddle through. Babies are resilient - I'm sure our mother's didn't know what they were doing at first and we're still alive. I'm determind that we'll learn how to cope and our own ways and methods......and instincts are wonderful things!
     
  6. faille

    faille Mummy & WTT

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    I'm the same hun.

    I'm the youngest of 3 and don't have any younger cousins (well, months younger but not years!) and I've never really been around kids let alone babies.

    The only experience I have is my nephews, who I was absolutely terrified of picking up or feeding. If they cried, I didn't know what to do etc and that's just as a visitor! The thought of having to take care of a baby all day is really overwhelming and I keep thinking I won't know where to start.. I've changed one nappy in my whole life so I'm not even confident I can do that lol!

    And it doesn't help when everyone around me keeps saying how shocked they are that me & OH want kids... Just because we don't like *your* spoilt brats doesn't mean that we don't want our own kids :hissy:
     
  7. lollylou1

    lollylou1 Mummy to Belle and preg

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    the people that are telling you it comes naturally are telling the truth hun, it is very scary and daunting but you cant reallt prepare yourself for it as such, you can get all the things you need but you cant make a plan of what to do when baby arrives becauise you have no idea what your baby will be like, i had all these plans of how i was going to cope when OH returned to work and all Annabelle did was sleep all the time and i managed to get loads done, things have sice changed lol and now she hardly sleeps so not as much time to myself.
    your insticts tell you whats wrong with your baby, that doesnt always come straight away but it will come and you can be proud that you have that special bond with your baby

    plus we are all here to help hunni

    Lou
    xxx
     
  8. lepaskilf

    lepaskilf Guest

    I keep having a recurring nightmare that i'm gong to trip over whilst holding my baby!!!!!! It scares me!!!! This will be the first time I have held a baby since 10yrs ago!!!!!!!

    I find reading lots of baby magazines and books helps xxxx
     
  9. Enodia

    Enodia Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't be too worried about it. It's natural for a lot of first time moms to experience doubts about their first child. 2 years ago I was a built in nanny for my 2 neices, whom I have taken care of for 5 years so changing diapers and caring for children isn't new territory for me. However, it's different when the child is yours 'cause you can't just pawn them off onto other people. They're your responsibility and I think that can get overwhelming and quite intimidating.

    It'll take some time after the baby is with you for you to get into a routine and for everything to fall into second nature. But I don't doubt that it WILL happen. Women aren't always born maternal and don't always have "being a mom" as their life long ambition, but I really think that once you meet your little one, he/she will just mold into your life that you won't be able to help knowing what to do. That's why you have 9 months of preparation. You worry about so many things for so long that you stop worrying (until maybe the tail end of the pregnancy :)) and just take things as they come.
     
  10. lesleyann

    lesleyann Mummy

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    im younger and have looked after babys and i still get all of that even things like what if i put his nappy on wrong or drop him in the bath even though i looked after my couson every weekend till she was about 1and half years old so always nappy changing and bathing lol

    I even worry about my oh and the baby about him dropping the baby
     
  11. Wombat

    Wombat Married mum of 2:)

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    Ok, I am not going to tell you that as soon as the baby will be born you will turn into earth mother (but anything can happen).

    What I will tell you (and not many people tell you that before you have a baby) is that it is going to be HARD! Damn hard. There are going to be times when you will think that you are a complete failure (you are not) and there will be times when you will think what on earth did you get yourself into.

    But it is going to pass. You will learn everything and you will be the best mummy for your baby.

    :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
  12. Dukechick

    Dukechick Wife & proud Mom of 2

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    I worry sometimes too, not gonna lie..... but we'll all be okay!!! And remember, babies don't know when or if you make any mistakes! ;)

    Do you have any kind of classes you can take in your area? We start ours tomororw, and I've heard nothing but good things about it!

    xx
     
  13. tasha41

    tasha41 Mum & Dad + 1

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    You slowly figure out what works, it's hard without help the first time around, but there are mums groups etc. you could try to get involved in right? :) Over time you get to know your baby better and your baby will become more interactive and it gets better. And the first couple weeks they do a lot of sleeping, I found Elyse sort of "eased us into things"..
     
  14. amylw1

    amylw1 my 3 boys in avatar. x

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    i was only 20 when i had my eldest. luckily my mum lived 5mins up the road. but it was still scary when she wasnt here etc. my then OH worked over 3hrs by car away and wasnt much use even when he was here.

    i felt very daft ringing the HV or going to see her at the weiging clinic for silly things like "how do i know when he needs more milk" or "how much water can he drink as well as milk". they get the questions from alot of ppl and would rather you ring and ask than struggle at home and do something wrong.
     
  15. polaris

    polaris Mother of two

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    I feel all these worries - i also feel that people will assume that I 'should' know what to do because I'm 34. But I haven't ever had to mind babies, I've never changed a nappy or anything like that. So it's all going to be a steep learning curve. But I'm sure we will do it!
     
  16. lu-lu2009

    lu-lu2009 Expecting a boy! 35 weeks

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    :hugs: awww calm down sweet, your feeling are perfectly natural. i was pregnant with my 1st when i was 16, no family around as all moved away and a partner who worked all the hours he could so i was pretty alone. the midwives give you plenty of support and when you leave the hospital they visit you daily before passing you over to the health vistor who gives you as much or as little support as you want.

    now im 27 and onto baby number 3 with just a few weeks left, and i STILL feel pretty nervous knowing that pretty soon im gonna be caring for a newborn baby again !

    I'm sure you will make a FANTASTIC mum, its not about how much experiance or how maternal you are, its about you bringing a baby into the world for you to love and care for :hug: xx
     
  17. MissyMojo

    MissyMojo Army Wife, Mam & BFP

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    blondie , where in the northeast are you??

    im n.york near darlington and my mw has offered us parenting classes, is there anychance you can ask your MW for advice?? pop to waterstone and get a basic book on how to care for a baby, you will learn how your baby is as you go along, each baby will have its own routine, good luck for the future sweetie xxxxxx
     
  18. Blondie

    Blondie Well-Known Member

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    Well feeling a bit less worried after speaking to midwife yesterday. They have parent craft classes up here that me and DH can attend before baby is born and also some breastfeeding classes so looks like there is a good support network in Durham area.

    Thanks for your responses everyone - I guess I just need to get used to the fact that having a baby isn't something I can file nicely behind B and expect to carry on with business as usual :)
     
  19. steph1505

    steph1505 Well-Known Member

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    I totally feel the same way!! I am 21 and haven't been round a baby since my little brother was born 15 years ago!! I am absolutely terrified of when the baby is born, we have to take it home...and then 2 weeks later OH goes back to work and I will be left alone in the house with a wee baby!

    But I think its totally natural and my mum says that it will come naturally to me when the baby is here!!

    Its jst a scary thought at the moment!!
     
  20. Lulu

    Lulu 1 dude & 1 dudette

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    This is totally how I feel! I'm 34 but I've never held a baby (nevermind a new born), never dressed a baby, never changed a baby, fed one, never babysat for anyone when I was younger. Nothing!!!! I'm a complete and utter novice and so is DH :dohh:

    But as I figure it, every baby is different, we're all different and it will take time getting to know each other and what works, what is best for baby and us. I'm going to try and not get stressed (which I will, because that's what I do!) but going to try and not give myself a hard time. As long as I feel my baby is happy and settled then that's what matters.

    It is only natural to worry about being a good mum and I firmly believe that if you are worrying about it then you will be a good mum! It shows you care :)
     

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