Would this really offend you? UPDATED

[loz]

the way i look it is, you wouldnt put a cig in your babys mouth, but its practicly the same smoking while pregnant, i was a smoker so i understand its not easy giving up but the thought of it cutting off the oxygen supply to my baby makes me feel sick just looking at one

 

[Kimboowee]

I understand where people are coming from and i understand that alot of people (incl me) have given up smoking whilst ttc, wtt or preg. Im not some mental anti-smoking person who runs round preaching at people.

I don't get the fact that she's so mad at me, i didn't tell her off or have a go at her, i stated a fact. Im suprised i hadn't said anything sooner, after the 'i'll probs smoke more on maternity leave cos i'll be bored' i should of just made her get out the car!

I just hope her baby being so far behind has given her the kick up the backside to actually do something. Theres gonna be a point whether she's in labour of recovering from a c-section where she's not gonna be able to pop out and have a fag, she might aswell try and cut down at the moment so its not such a shock for her when she could have to go days without.

 

[hopedance]

a friend of mine smoked during pregnancy, and i did speak to her about it. i don't remember what i said now, but i think i just said that i couldn't approve of her smoking while she was pregnant and sit there and watch her smoking without saying anything, so could she please not smoke in front of me. she didn't get upset or anything, she said that what i had said was fair enough, and didn't smoke in front of me again. we are still friends.

 

[mama2b]

I think its great that you said something to her, whether it will have any impact is another matter altogether. I hope it does though.

It really is a difficult situation I have smoked off and on for years, more of a social smoker than anything but in the first four weeks of being pregnant I think I smoked and drank like a trouper as I wasn't trying for baby I hadn't cut down or stopped.

When I found out I vowed to stop drinking and smoking straight away, drinking was no problem at all apart from a sniff of cava at xmas ive had nothing at all smoking was slightly harder I cut right down, I only had a couple a day anyway so I literally had a couple a week after that until the end of August which was my ohs mums wedding. I had half a fag and not only did it taste completley rank but the looks I got off some of the guests were just as disgusting and that was it for me not had one since.

The weird thing is although I don't crave them now I know once Ive had the baby and have my first drink I will be begging for a fag, hope i have the willpower not to have one tho.

 

[Pink_Witch]

i refuse to visit my mother in law while i am pregnant as they all smoke and they dont seem to be bothered that i dont and i am pregnant so i wont go round there! I also wont take my baby round to visit either as they still smoke round the babies-allbeit in a different room-but they all smoke in that room when the babies arent there and go into the kitchen when they are, and then come back in the room when they are finished so the baby still gets the 2nd hand smoke! if they want to see me or my baby then they have to come to me!!

 

[Dukechick]

It's her own fault for lying to her midwife and saying she doesn't smoke. That's pretty stupid. And, I don't think she really has the right to 'worry' that her baby is measuring behind, because she should know why!!

I don't think I would have said anything to her about smoking though, because I have friends who have smoked during their pregnancies, and it's none of my business. If I did say something, I would be careful the way I worded it.

xx

 

[mernie]

I will say that I know the dangers of smoking and drinking whilst pregnant and totally agree that if you can stop STOP. My DH had FAS and had lasting effects because of it. While everyone knows the side effects of smoking while pregnant (its written on the pack for godssake) they shouldn't complain when their baby is measuring behind. I don't however think that if you smoke while you are pregnant that you are automatically a horrible mother. I smoked while pregnant, as did my SIL, my mother, and many other people I know. I know at least for my mother and me we both had perfectly healthy babies who were not too small. Its a personal decision and trust me even if she doesn't say it or act like it i've been there...she does feel guilty about not being able to quit.

 

[Lara+sam+bump]

A girl at work continued to smoke when pregnant, i tfrankly think its disgustingly selfish. I smoked before I got pregnant and stopped as soon as I found out and havent had a single one, I could never do it personally id feel awful. Cum on its 9 months of your life, not 4eva, if you wat you can start when LO is here, its gonna do anyone any harm by quitting for a few months. I neva said anything 2 the girl at work, but had she said anything like wat the girl you kow did I most certainly wod of. Not at all rude in my opinion xxxx

 

[Laura--x]

You were right to say something hun, infact you done well saying as little as you did, i would have gone mental at her way before that.

 

[JayleighAnn]

She's also been drinking aswell, im not sure how much as i've ditched the nights out where she'll be there purely cos i know i will say something.

This is the bit that worries me the most tbh, shes drinking????

I don't think theres anything wrong with what you said, you only stated a proven fact, and if she can't deal with someone stating the proven damage she could possibly do to her child, she needs to stop smoking.

 

[NoSpringChick]

So she's smoking 20 a day now, AND will smoke more when on maternity leave AND drinks and LIES to her midwife.... Too right say something, how could anyone not?

If you go through life always turning a blind eye to what everyone else is doing then who is that helping? If she goes home and feels guilty now then that isnt really a bad thing if it makes her more responsible. She might have another child and do the same thing again- maybe now she wouldnt?

 

[nfm3]

I'm glad you said something. I don't think it's judgemental to be honest. I don't understand making the choice to smoke pregnant OR NOT knowing everything we know about smoking today. That's not a judgement just a fact. When we make poor choices we shouldn't be upset when people point them out to us.

 

[DiddyDons]

I would have said something aswell....she should know better than to put her childs life at risk! I did everything right and I still lost her

Donna xxx

 

[impatient1]

I was a smoker before I found out that I was pregnant and as soon as I found out I quit. Just because I choose a poor habit doesn't mean that my child should have to suffer from it as well, it didn't make the choice to smoke. I'm probably gonna have a few people mad at me for this one but I'm gonna say it anyway. I think she is being irresponsible... she is wondering why her baby is 3 weeks behind... well you are smoking and drinking when you are pregnant and lying to your mw about the fact when they could be trying to help your child. There are many children out there who are born with problems and their mother's have done everything that they can to help them, while this mother is sitting back and watching her child suffer. If she is trying to quit great for her, but she's not and she is going out drinking all at the same time. I would have said something tto her as well. She needs to know that her actions have consequences and this is most likely why it's happening. I however went to school with a girl who was told by her doctor not to completely quit smoking but cut back as she had smoked so much, and so far into her pregnancy that it would cause more harm to her child if she had just quit. Unfortunately this girl does not seem to be taking any steps to try to help resolve the situation... hopefully what you said will get through to her.

 

[tasha41]

TBH as a former smoker (quit cold turkey when I got pregnant! ).. combined with the hormones and being upset baby is measuring behind, etc. I can see why she would be upset/offended by you saying that.

But.. she really is being a knob about things, drinking and smoking whilst pregnant.. has she cut back or is she just going about things business as usual? Since YOU are also pregnant, I can understand how things just.. come out sometimes lol, and not always in the nicest, most sensitive ways.

If it was a good friend, I would have said something to her or tried to convince her to quit throughout the pregnancy, offering support, I think you said you also smoked before too so maybe you'd be good help?

But if not a good friend.. I would have probably kept my mouth shut/avoided her. I know sounds bad but it's not my life, and you can only say so much to a person when they clearly know what they're doing is wrong/dangerous.

 

[jojo2605]

i think you did the right thing... or should I say you didn't do the wrong thing!

It is everyone's choice to smoke or not but that doesn't take way the cold hard fact that smoking is very bad for you & therefore is clearly going to be bad for the little life growing inside you.

As people have said already, it's each woman's personal decision, however, I don't think you judged her or said anything I would deem offensive - you stated a very obvious & widely known fact about smoking in pregnancy. She may be in denial about the harm it is causing, but that doesn't stop any harm from actually coming from it.

I would NOT worry about this & just pray that she sees sense & realises that she is in control of this situation and can do something to help it if she just accepts the damage she is doing.

 

[meldmac]

What I don't understand is that it is a known fact that smoking during pregnancy can harm the baby, yet people still say oh well it's her choice and her life, but it isn't just her life she's affecting it's her babies too. Doesn't the baby have a right to be brought into this world as healthy as possible? I'm sorry but if you can't sacrifice 9 months of not smoking for your baby before it's even here than maybe you should of thought of that before hand. I get so upset when people use the excuse "oh it's so hard to quit smoking" Well I smoked too and quit so I know what it's like, doesn't give you the right to still hurt your unborn child. I had a friend that quit after smoking for 30 years, if she can do it so can anyone else. My cousin's neighbor smoked and drank the whole time she was pregnant, and when her baby came he had breathing and heart problems. She cried and moaned but no one felt sorry for her, only for the baby. It's the baby that ultimately suffers for being selfish and irresponsible while you're carrying him/her.

Everyone wants people to keep their opinions to themselves when it comes to difficult issues, like saying oh well give her a break maybe she's trying and having a hard time....but this person doesn't even seem like she's trying to stop. We all say give her a break, but what about her baby ? Even if it wasn't planned or wanted, doesn't it still have a right to have a mother who cares enough to at least try and stop? Come on she's already 30 weeks into her pregnancy and commenting how she will smoke even more after the baby is born. That to me doesn't sound like someone who is willing to even attempt to stop smoking.

I'm sorry maybe it's hormones but it really gets to me that people feel the need to defend someone who clearly is only thinking of themselves and not the child that is inside them.

 

[NoSpringChick]

What I don't understand is that it is a known fact that smoking during pregnancy can harm the baby, yet people still say oh well it's her choice and her life, but it isn't just her life she's affecting it's her babies too. Doesn't the baby have a right to be brought into this world as healthy as possible? I'm sorry but if you can't sacrifice 9 months of not smoking for your baby before it's even here than maybe you should of thought of that before hand. I get so upset when people use the excuse "oh it's so hard to quit smoking" Well I smoked too and quit so I know what it's like, doesn't give you the right to still hurt your unborn child. I had a friend that quit after smoking for 30 years, if she can do it so can anyone else. My cousin's neighbor smoked and drank the whole time she was pregnant, and when her baby came he had breathing and heart problems. She cried and moaned but no one felt sorry for her, only for the baby. It's the baby that ultimately suffers for being selfish and irresponsible while you're carrying him/her.

Everyone wants people to keep their opinions to themselves when it comes to difficult issues, like saying oh well give her a break maybe she's trying and having a hard time....but this person doesn't even seem like she's trying to stop. We all say give her a break, but what about her baby ? Even if it wasn't planned or wanted, doesn't it still have a right to have a mother who cares enough to at least try and stop? Come on she's already 30 weeks into her pregnancy and commenting how she will smoke even more after the baby is born. That to me doesn't sound like someone who is willing to even attempt to stop smoking.

I'm sorry maybe it's hormones but it really gets to me that people feel the need to defend someone who clearly is only thinking of themselves and not the child that is inside them.

You have to be so PC these days as to not offend anyone!

here in the uk we have had a few bad cases of children dying because people not wanting to get involved, and when social services did they too let the children down - people should voice their opinions like they did years ago, now they just think anything for an easy life while it's mostly the children and babies that suffer.
Nothing to do with me so why shoudl I get involved <--- this seems to be the way nowadays.

 

[mz_jackie86]

Personally i think ur a better friend than anyone because u said something and the silly mare obviously knows she is doing wrong! I just feel sorry for the baby!

Well done for saying something tho hun! xx

 

[kaykay]

tbh its not our place to say anything to her, Its her choice whether she wants to smoke and drink during her pregnancy. Some people are willing to sacrificeanyhting for there unborn baby. on her head be it.