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would you be upset?

Blu10

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So this is my 4th pregnancy. I have had 2 losses and 1 child and am now pregnant again. Due to my losses I have a scan booked in a week to check on baby and DH has said he doesnt think he will come as its too early?!? WTF!!
He said he will come to 12 week one but we wont see much at 7 weeks. Im a bit miffed especially as we found out at my last scan that we had had a mmc. Am i over reacting or would anyone else be peeved??
 
Due to the previous MC I would be a little peeved. But, I've had my husband come to 2 of my previous doctors appointments and I felt bad for dragging him along those times, as they can be really boring for them! I'm sure his reasonings are mostly just dumb guy thoughts, and nothing to do with not wanting to know your baby is doing okay.
 
:hugs: I can understand why you feel the way you do. I have had losses too. And I really needed him there. But as it is he can't be with me tomorrow coz the kids. So I have a friend coming with me. Maybe try telling him now it makes you feel x
 
Id be hurt but men dont seem to understand how things can really matter to us. He could be abit nervous of bad news?

I think he should go with you. Your in this together xx
 
Thanks girls, nice to know its not just me! Hes very detatched which i gt under the circumstances but i dont have that luxury and dont want to ask him to come as i feel like he should want to! Men! X
 
My DH has yet to come to a scan for this pregnancy and I've had 3. I get why but it still hurts a little.
 
I would be pretty upset. I would want support and someone to hold my hand, and celebrate when baby comes up on that screen. I'd talk to him more about why you want/need him there, maybe it will change his mind?
 
Maybe talk to him and see if it's anything to do with previous losses. My dh was super detached from this pregnancy. To the point of him refusing to have anything to do with it, it even split us up for a number of weeks as to me he was being selfish and not supporting me at at when I needed him. Turns out that after 7 losses he was terrified of us losing another one and how he'd hold it together if we did. I'd really underestimated the effect our losses had had on him and realised then that he needed support as much as I did. Once Id forced my dh to a scan at 11 weeks he instantly fell in love with little baby and now he's pregnancy crazy! Sits reading baby books, buys more baby clothes than I do and even sings to my bump lol. Maybe your dh is scared something will be wrong at the scan? Men are such strange creatures, maybe have a sit down talk and see if there are other reasons behind him not wanting to go.
 
Thank you for the advice. I had an early scan last time and saw a hb at 7 weeks and we still went on to lose that baby. I might talk to him again x
 
I would be annoyed too. I hope you can persuade him to come along.
 
I would definitely be upset. Just keep in mind that men don't think like us and don't always understand the way we think any more than we always understand the way they think. Try talking to him openly and honestly, but lovingly. Chances are he won't even be open to the idea if you start hammering into him for being insensitive or something like that.
I don't know about your man, but my husband is very practical and doesn't see any point in doing anything unless he sees a concrete reason why he should. If he thought he'd be going with me to look at a blank screen he probably wouldn't want to go either. That wouldn't be him being insensitive, or unexcited, or detached, just practical.
Granted, we haven't ever lost a baby, and we've not been married long at all, but my limited experience says it would be best for you to talk to him about how you feel about his actions and ask him to with you. But lovingly and respectfully is key. Try putting yourself in his shoes (not that I could IMAGINE not wanting to go to a scan in his situation, but that's not the point). Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you'd want him to come to you. Lovingly and respectfully, I'd imagine. You may just find that like the other ladies have suggested, he's just as scared of losing this baby as you are.
 
id be annoyed too because ive had scans round then and theres been plently to see!
 
I would be extremely annoyed! You are in this together. You need his support, and, frankly, he should want to be there to support you.

Good luck with the scan, I've had losses too so I know how scary it is. I hope that you have a sticky baby in there xxx
 
I would be absolutely FURIOUS. When a lady has suffered losses she needs moral support not just in the scan room but hugs as she's leaving the house, hand holding in the car, hugs and kisses and reassurance before going in the scan room. I literally wouldn't get through the early scans without my dh's love and support. I need him to lean on cos I'm certainly not strong enough after four miscarriages.
Obviously if he couldn't come due to work commitments etc that's a different story, but the selfish reason of he's not going to see anything just wouldn't cut it with me :(

Do you have a family member or friend who would be able to come? :hugs:
 
Thanks for all of your replies. Still feeling pretty annoyed about it and my pride says I dont really want to ask him to come again because he should just want too if that makes sense? I dont want him to come because he thinks he should. My mum would happily come and Id be happy-ish to have her there but it just seems wrong when its DH's baby! In fairness he was quite detatched with my previous pregnancy until DS was born, although he came to the scans he wasnt the kind of hubby who would rub my belly or anything and wasnt overly interested in shopping for baby stuff either. Its really niggling me to be honest though and makes me wonder how important all of this is to him x
 
That's quite normal though. It's more difficult for the hubby's to attach cos it's not physically happening to them. Once that baby is in their arms it all changes though :)
It's more worrying that he doesn't see you really need the moral support of early scans after a loss/es. That's only my opinion though :)
 
I'd be spitting feathers! Could it be thats he's afraid too, but doesn't want to show it and not going his way of coping? :hugs:
 
I would be annoyed, but then i know that men dont express themselves as openly as we do. Remember losses are just as hard on them as it is on us...they just dont show it but appear to just not care. Also not all men are belly rubbers etc. Some men actually feel disgusted and grossed out about pregnancy until the baby is born. Yes we all may want our men to rub our bellies and be super into the pregnancy like us, but truth is many arent connected with it. Im lucky my man loves the idea, but i dont bring him to many of my appts as he gets bored easily lol. I would just be open with him and talk to him about it and see if he is just afraid. If you are waiting for him to come and tell you, chances are it just wont happen with him freely opening up. The more you two are bonded feeling wise, the better things go :)
 

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