Would you do this?

[AngelUK]

No there is no residential house right next to the cafe, so she definitely had to cross at least one (smallish) road to get to it. And as I said, from inside the cafe she would not have been able to see her house for sure. Plus she was very relaxed and happy to wait her turn and chat to me in the meantime, she didn't seem to be in a hurry to get back.
And I think going to a neighbour's house to get a parcel depends on what kind of house you live in and how close the next front door is, doesn't it. If I went next door's house I would not be physically further from my boys, than if I sat in the kitchen.
I don't know, it just seemed so frivolous to me to leave her girl alone for a piece of cake and a coffee.

 

[RaspberryK]

Yeah my neighbour is literally a couple of metres, definitely not 100 yards.
Xx

 

[minties]

I live on #93 of my street, 100m would take me to #109. That also includes crossing a main road.

There are 3 flats up our driveway so seeing my actual neighbour is the same as just walking outside to my garden. Big difference from a neighbour to 100m up the road for sure.

 

[MommyJogger]

100y is a football field, right? That's about the distance b/t neighbors here, but I guess it's a bit different, too, when there's wide open space between rather than other shops. I dunno, I'd still have to see it with my own eyes to decide whether I'd be appalled or not. We also don't know how close she may be to her actual neighbors. It's kind of unwritten around here that we all have eyes and ears out.

 

[SerenityNow]

I would not do this. I have no more fear of kidnapper than I do of terrorists or earthquakes or tsunamis, but I wouldn't be comfortable being that far away from home with my toddler there alone, sleeping or not.

 

[Larkspur]

I certainly wouldn't do this without a baby monitor, but I *might* consider it if I did have one.

I quite often go and sit down the bottom of our property with the baby monitor while LO is napping, and that's a good 40m from his room. 100m would be the other side of our neighbour's section, also somewhere I would be quite comfortable standing for a natter if I had the monitor with me. I could sprint to LO's room within 30 seconds from there if I needed to. So it doesn't seem like that huge a distance.

People say "Anything could happen" but really, what's the likelihood? The chance that some random weirdo would be monitoring my movements and waiting for a chance to seize my child from his bed at home as he slept seems a LOT lower than the chance that a random drunk would plow into the side of our car on the way to the supermarket. But I still leave the house with my kids in the car almost every day.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

My fear would be what if something happened to her while she was out? What if she got hit by a car crossing the street, and was rushed to the hospital with no one knowing her baby was home alone?

Far-fetched, of course, but not outside the realm of possibility. I would be way too terrified to do this. I'm sure she was well-meaning, and wasn't intentionally irresponsible. But there are just too many variables for me to be comfortable with it.

(Of course this could be a different scenario if the child was old enough to "fend for themselves" meaning know what to do in an emergency, where to seek out help, etc.)

 

[Larkspur]

My fear would be what if something happened to her while she was out? What if she got hit by a car crossing the street, and was rushed to the hospital with no one knowing her baby was home alone?

Far-fetched, of course, but not outside the realm of possibility.

I understand the fear, but still, exactly the same thing could happen at home. What if she fell down the stairs and broke her neck? Stabbed to death by a fake courier driver? Freak electrocution accident? None of these things are "outside the realm of possibility" but at some point you need to draw a line about what you worry about.

That's not to say that it's unreasonable to draw the line before "popping 100m down the road for five minutes", but it would also be fair to say that the realistic chance that something is going to go devastatingly wrong is vanishingly small.

I mean, I often read stories in the paper about scenarios where parents have left small kids at home for hours on end while they go drinking at a neighbour's place or at a pub a short drive away. That's obviously negligence pure and simple, but kids actually survive that level of neglect (relatively) unscathed all the time, so there is a very large greyscale between "I would freak out walking to my letterbox while my child naps" and "They'll be right for a couple of hours, we're only next door."

 

[AngelUK]

Sensibilities have changed over this also. My OH's family were poor uneducated immigrants from Cyprus and his older sister told me that their mother sometimes had to leave the house to get work (she was a seamstress), she could not take her three small children. When I asked how old she, the oldest child was, she said maybe 5. OH must have been about 3 and his younger brother 2ish. When I said how terrible etc, my SIL just said, she had no choice. It was that, or not work and we all starve.

But while this is incredibly dangerous and unimaginable in this day and age, I do think that it is still different to getting a coffee. I cannot really tell you how far exactly the lady's house is. She only vaguely said "about 100 yards in that direction" when asked. It is a quiet residential area we live in and the cafe is part of a sports ground. It isn't like a busy part of town. Kidnapping had not really entered my mind and I do think it unlikely cause they'd still have to break in and get to the cot etc and all that would probably not take only a few seconds. But it would still never occur to me to leave my boys for a coffee. I panic when my monitor is on the blitz and I live in a very small flat and can hear them from most rooms.

 

[Zephram]

I agree that going to get a coffee is a poor reason.

Actually, it isn't even a reason! That's blatantly being irresponsible, in my view. It's a coffee, it's not exactly an emergency. Buy a coffee plunger or some instant and suck it up, lady!!

Also want to add a story a girl from my antenatal class told me when our babies were probably about 3 months old. She was doing controlled crying with her baby and she once said that when she couldn't stand the screaming anymore she would just leave the house for a walk or to pop up to the ATM. I honestly didn't react to it at the time as I didn't know if she was serious, considering that I knew where she lived and the area and she would have been a good 5-10 min walk away from the closest ATM! Thinking back, she probably was serious, haha, but I was too naive to figure it out.

 

[AngelUK]

that poor little baby!!! See, things like that make me want to cry!
I guess my rule of thumb is that, I don't go further away from my boys (when I am alone with them) than what would consist of 1 or so minute of response time in an emergency. This lady (or the one you just mentioned Zephram) by being away 10 minutes, has to calculate her response time to about 10 minutes and that to me is unacceptable.

 

[overcomer79]

Nope. One time, I stepped out front to talk to a neighbor and dh needed to go somewhere. We were talking and I didn't realize he locked me out and my oldest was in the house sleeping...I tend not to be out of the house when he leaves now lol

 

[JessyG]

When it comes to things I may consider 'risky' I always think to myself ... Would I ever forgive myself if something happened.

I remember I forgot Bellas towel when she was already in the bath. My choices, leave her for a few seconds to grab it or take her out and she is cold for a few seconds ... In my head it wasn't worth the risk to leave her so I got soaked as I wrapped her in my cardigan. When she is napping I have hung the washing out. It takes forever as I pip my head in the back door every few seconds! Again not worth the risk (our monitor doesn't work outside!!!).

TBH though not much is worth the risk when it comes to the safety of my baby. I have carried her back and forth 4 time to get the shopping from the car. She screamed when I put her in her high chair and the buggy was folded away. My arms hurt for a while but at least she was safe!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Never.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Why cant she use a kettle and make tea or coffee at home?

 

[AngelUK]

I have no idea why it had to be then. All she said was that her husband was away all the weekend and she was alone with her girl, who had been super whiney all morning. But since she was such a good sleeper and she only lived 100 or so yards away, she thought she would get her self a quick treat. That is all I know and after that I stared at her opened mouthed and cow eyed and that pretty much ended the convo.

 

[ktod]

I wouldn't do it because I'd be afraid of the consequences if I got caught.

However, I don't actually think its a big deal for that distance and length of time. If we didn't have police/social services I couldn't 100% say I wouldn't do this. There have been so many times when LO has been asleep at night that I'd loved to have just nipped to the shop to get some milk for a brew but I'm too scared to do it.

 

[Natsku]

I have no idea why it had to be then. All she said was that her husband was away all the weekend and she was alone with her girl, who had been super whiney all morning. But since she was such a good sleeper and she only lived 100 or so yards away, she thought she would get her self a quick treat. That is all I know and after that I stared at her opened mouthed and cow eyed and that pretty much ended the convo.

That sounds like it was a one-off rather than a regular thing so seems a bit less bad to me now. Being alone with her girl all weekend and if she's been extra whiny maybe she wasn't really thinking straight or something like that.

 

[AngelUK]

I really hope so. And I totally understand the need for a treat!

 

[sue_88]

Jeez, I'm alone with my baby 24/7 whiney days and all I still don't go running down the street for a coffee!

I'd rather enjoy a treat but when I want one, I have to take my child. There isn't an excuse or a way round it...it's negligent.

Hopefully your look towards her has left her feeling ashamed!