WTT #2 and child age gaps

[highof75]

Hey there,

Waiting to try for #2 probably for another 6-9 months, but we'll see. I wanted to get some opinions on ages gaps between 1st and 2nd child. We have a DD who is nearly 8. If we try for #2 chances are she will be 9 by the time the baby is born. Anybody here have an age gap that big? I wanted to know how that works for some people, what works and what doesnt when it comes to having a 1st born so much older than your 2nd.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I dont have any advice really, but I wanted to watch this thread. I will have a relatively big age gap between my 2nd and 4th children (my 3rd child passed away) By the time I have my next child, my 2nd will probably be around 6 years old. I'm worried about the dynamics of having that big of a gap because my first two are only 16 months apart.

 

[MoldyVoldy]

The biggest gap my son will have with his future sibling will be anywhere from 5 to 7 years. It used to seem like such a HUGE age gap and my husband and I still have small arguments about it. I always had an image in my mind of my children having no more than 3 years in between them. Unfortunately it just isn't how our lives have gone. My husband is wanting to wait for #2 until he has a better job (Fingers crossed for any time now! LOL) especially because our first was a surprise. A very amazing surprise But a surprise nonetheless.

My oldest sister and I have a 9 year age difference. We don't get along but that's only because she has issues, not our ages.

I see the benefit of having larger age gaps because the older child will be out of diapers, will be presumably done with nursing, will be able to work on school things/go to school during the day (I home school), will probably enjoy helping out with the baby etc.

I don't know if this post helped you lol. But it was kind of good for me to type it out because I feel better about the argument my husband and I had last night (i'm ovulating and very broody) about age etc.

A 9 year old will enjoy snuggling a baby and keeping the baby happy on car trips. I know I would have if I had been 9 when my sister was born. I was 3 and while we were always close, we also fought a lot. With a 9 year difference, there won't be much sibling rivalry (at least while they're younger )

 

[Emiloo]

We would like 2-3 years in between our children.. I think this is because my SIL has 4 kids with small age gaps and its pretty hectic when they come over lol, so its put us off having them so close together! Although, I know that a different parenting style would probably make the kids less hectic and crazy...!

My OH and his sister have about 10 years between them and they get on really well. They have a brother and he doesn't get on with either of them- I think personality has a big play on whether they get on rather than age!!

 

[Kians_Mummy]

Not me personally but my Dad has a 22 (me), 21, 18 year old and a 6year old!
We're actively gonna start trying when my DS is 3 year old so baby wouldn't be here until he's almost 4ish. We've been having a chat and OH wouldn't want another one until he' in his early-mid 30s so 5-10 years

 

[sillysapling]

We're aiming for ~3 years between them. My partner's brother is only 15 months younger, and the gap was REALLY bad for them- so my partner is steadfastly against short gaps. I'm not looking forward to having a toddler and infant at the same time, so I'm in favor of that.

I know someone who was TTC for many years before they were able to have #2, I think their kids are 6-8 years apart (can't remember exactly). The elder daughter was super excited to be a big sister and so was really helpful with the baby. I know another woman who's eldest is 9 or 10 and youngest is just now 1. Her elder son gives her a lot of grief and basically never helps with the baby, so she has a lot more on her plate.

It really depends on your family and your childrens' personalities. There's no ideal age difference.

 

[lovetocruise]

No kids yet but we have agreed that if baby#1 is a content baby and fairly easy as far as babies go, we'd like a very minimal gap. No more than 2 years, possibly closer to 18 months.
Our reasoning for this is that my sister, who is almost 3 years younger than me, and I don't get along and have always fought. We have different personalities so that doesn't help, but it was always just a weird gap. I want my kids to have that bond that a lot of closer in age siblings get.
Now if number one is high maintenance baby, that will likely change everything. We'll see.

 

[dre]

I have a sister who is 4 years older than me and a brother who is 14 months younger than me. My sister never got along with my brother and I, she was a very mean and rude older sister. She has her own kids now and is 25 and I can not stand her. We have such different personalities. While my brother and I really bonded after my sister when to college. My brother and I are pretty close and we did have a lot of competition growing up but now that we are in our twenties we are very good with each other.

My plan is to have no more than a two year gap. Especially with the oldest two. The ones after that I would do a three year gap or more. As long as they have a no more than 2 year gap sibling.

I would like 4 or more children. (Still convincing DB ha ha ha)

 

[MummyJade]

I always wanted 18 months-3 years (at the most) age gap... my daughter is 5 in Nov and still the only child... I left her 'dad' when she was 15 months old... and then I met my partner and just decided we will start trying in November... So there will be 5 nearly 6 years if we get pregnant quickly... Which now I dont mind the gap... x

 

[kayadream]

Same boat, my kids will be 8 and 12 years older than my third child when i conceive. Itll be like a new generation. My brother and i are 7 years apart and never got along. Even now at me 27 and him 34 i still cant be in his company for too long. But at the sametime he was never a loving pprotective brother and I've seen sibling relationships with our age gap flourish. Hes alwsys resented that he wasnt the only child anymore, dont think he ever grew out of that :/

 

[Marlarky]

My OH and his brother are 8years apart and get along great and always have. It's all about how you have them bond

 

[schmetterling]

That's a wonderful age gap!! I am 10 years older than my brother and I LOVED helping my mom take care of him. The relationship is more maternal but I love him to pieces. My daughter and her aunt (my youngest sis who is 15 years younger than I am) are 9 years apart and they are obsessed with each other. At 9, your older child will be old enough to help and probably won't be jealous because they've had their time as the baby. I'm sure they'll have a wonderful relationship! I'm hoping to have that gap between some of my kids (I want a lot lol).

 

[jessicasmum]

I'm WTT # 2 and my daughter is 8 years old so will be 9 by the time she has brother or sister. I didn't want this big of a age just happened because of health reasons on my side, I would of loved an age gap of 4-5 years really.
But hopefully all being well with #2 then I would love to have #3 closer in age

 

[Lucy139]

My ds is 5 were going to wait another few years so will be about 7-8 year age gap x

 

[LilyValley]

Interesting thread! My DS will be 13 months when we ttc no.2 so he'll be almost 2yrs. Think I'm a bit crazy :/ but we want 3 DC and I'm in my 30s so we kind of have to get on with it.

 

[twiggy56]

Interesting thread, something my husband and I have talked about a lot lately!
My perfect age gap is 4 years- enough for my daughter to have had her time with me, full attention and doing all the fun stuff with me before she goes to school. Our daughter turns 4 in Feb so gap will be at least 4 years depending on how quickly we conceive.

I can safely say my daughter will be over the moon to have a brother or sister and less competition as shes ready for school and likes being mummys 'big girl' so i dont doubt for a second she will want to help me and protect/look after her sibling. Shes very loving and will be old enough to understand shes not got 'competition'.

 

[xcharx]

There's 6 years between me and my sister & we never got along when she was younger.. Now were older (im 24 she's 18) we get on a bit better but still argue now and again lol.

we will be ttc from January, hoping for around a 3 year age gap between DD and next baby my daughter is very loving & i think shell be a great big sister, but she never sits still! I originally wanted a smaller age gap (more like 2 years) but in glad i waited now!

as others have said, completely depends on your children as to how they get along

 

[zigee]

I'm the baby.

My oldest sister is 13 years older than me. We have a good relationship now that Im in my 30s. My other sister is 8 years older and we've always been very close.

I think it is nature (personalities) and nurture ( how you handle the family dynamic) versus the actual timing. Granted it can contribute, but you're dealing with way more factors than just tme, cut yourself some slack on trying to plan it down to the minute.

 

[girlnboots]

We just had our first, so we're wtt for 3-5 years. I like a 3 year age gap (to avoid two toddlers) but 5 seems much more practical as Marin will be in school and I'll be able to focus fully on the baby as I'll have been able to do with her.

I hated being pregnant, but I love being a mommy, so maybe it won't be so long in the end