Yet another month of disappointments

[greenarcher]

This is my 7th month trying, and I know I have no right to be upset at another failed cycle. So many of you strong ladies have been trying so much longer and been through so much more.

But I really thought this was my month. We tried a number of different things this month to boost what I believed were our conception weaknesses, and I was so sure that this would do it for us.

Yea, I guess I'm still in because AF hasn't shown, but only like 1 in 10 women get a positive test after this point. I don't think I'm that special.

Only 15% of women get pregnant between months 7-12. I am so sick of hoping and obsessing and tracking my cycle. I don't want to deal with this anymore. But I can't tear myself away from the forum. My two best friends fell pregnant this month, and I find myself left behind. My work is suffering. My mood is crap.

How do you ladies do it month after month?

 

[red_head]

I'm so sorry. We've been ttc for three years, and it really sucks but don't let people who have been trying longer take away from what you're going through - you don't need to apologise. It hurt just as much at 7 months as it does now. I actually think it does get a little bit easier - I have months when I want to give up now, but mostly I'm just resigned to the fact that AF is just late and my body thinks its hilarious playing tricks on me! I think the only reason I haven't given up is because I don't really get how you give up! lol! Me and hubby have sex regularly throughout the month, and I wouldn't go back on contraception. Some months I don't use ovulation tests or chart or anything, but we're still trying really. It does really really hurt when you see others get their BFPs - our circle of friends are now on to their second round (one crazy lot are on their third!!). I just try and tell myself that it'll all be worth it. I picture the second I see my husband holding our baby - that's what I want most in the world. And failing that I have a tantrum, cry my eyes out, delete all the one born every minute recordings from the sky planner without watching them, swear at my husband for no reason, and then cry even more because I've been mean to him!!
You'll get there. Don't give up hope, even if it's only a tiny sliver! And don't beat yourself up for feeling shitty and not wanting to be happy for pregnant friends etc, because it's natural and normal.
Good luck xx

 

[greenarcher]

Thank you so, so much. I guess you're right, you're not really giving up if you're still off BC. I guess I consider giving up as no supplements, no preseed, no tracking, and no forced sex. We generally have sex a couple times a week, so I suppose it could happen on its own.

Unfortunately, I've signed up for a short term disability plan for when I get pregnant, so every month I'm NOT, I'm basically throwing $100 out the window.

 

[red_head]

It sounds like you're putting extra pressure on yourself, which doesn't help. Try and relax; can you get out of the plan? We try and enjoy it; we have date nights and try and mix things up when I'm ovulating, so rather than doing it because we have to, we're doing it because we want to.
Fingers crossed it happens soon for you. Maybe go to the doctors and ask for some investigations into why it's not happening, as I know trying to relax into it is harder than it sounds!

 

[Emilylove13]

I don't even remember how I got through 19 months trying with my first. Honestly, no idea. On month 4 trying for #2, nothing so far. Sorry I don't have any advice. But good luck! Hopefully soon for both of us!

 

[OhHappyZ]

I just cry and allow myself to get angry. That's all I've got. It's hell but once we see those two pink lines the pain will fade, and once you hold your baby the pain will disappear. It f'ing sucks. And you're still in it girl.

 

[chocolatechip]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I'm pretty much in the same boat as you (about to enter the 7th month of trying after miscarriage and 10th month overall) and every day is a battle. My best friend recently gave birth, my sister is giving birth soon, and it seems like every day I have a new pregnancy announcement on Facebook. Some days are easier than others, but really - I depend on the ladies in here. I'm here to listen if you ever need to vent.

 

[soon2 b wifey]

A thing that helps is to take frequent breaks from ttc for health and happiness even if its just a month or two to devote doing what you love