Young and Confused....

[Confused_1984]

Hey Everyone!

Sorry for again not actually being a teenager but still posting in this section!! Seen a few others that have done the same! tut tut tut...
but i sometimes feel like i'm still a teeenager and very young to be pregnant.

Right, i'm completely confused....hence the name.

I'm 22, boyfriend's 25 this week. I live at home with my mum and brother.

Found out at the weekend gone i was pregnant...complete and utter shock and horror...as i'd recieved a negative test about 5 days before! Think i'm nearly two months now...

Basically i'm totally and utterly confused about what to do...

Do i take the easy route out and have an abortion....? This will remove all stress and panic i'm feeling now? But with a risk of messing myself up mentally?!

Or do i give up my decent job and struggle to try and make this work?

My boyfriend wants to have this baby and even though he says he'll support me in whatever my decision i know he'll be devasted if i have an abortion.

I look a lot younger than 22 when i'm not all dolled up, i like to think i'm very mature for my age though.

My main concern is housing and finance problems....

Would appreciate all your feedback and advice!!!

Thanks! xxx

 

[Arcanegirl]

Hi Confused, Welcome to Baby and Bump

First of all congrats on your pregnancy!

Do you have your own place with your boyfriend? Is it rented or bought? if rented is it private or council/housing association?

Finance wise you'll find that most people came make room for a baby no matter how tight things are.
If youre on a low income you may be able to get a maternity grant and possibly milk tokens too.
Theres also things like child tax credits that you may be entitled to that you could look into too....

There is alot of help out there for having kids and housing stuff, you just gotta find out what youre entitled too and make sure you get it!

 

[Confused_1984]

No we don't have our own place.

I live with my mum and brother and he lives with his friend!

This is my main concern at the moment.

Think i'll take a visit to my Local Authority and see what they can do.

We're both on a good wage but living in London is riduclously expensive, so it's difficult finding somewhere ideal...

 

[Arcanegirl]

How about applying for a council/housing association place?
It might not be ideal at first but its a start to getting your own place and the rent would be a bit cheaper too.
You may be able to get points for overcrowing for either you or your OH and once theres a pregnancy involved, youll get points for that too.

In the meantime, have a look at private rents, you find a good deal somewhere

HTH!

 

[Confused_1984]

Thanks arcanegirl.

Yes i'll set up an appointment with my local council - i've already contacted them, so just need to find some spare time!

Thanks again for the advice, its really appreciated!

xxxx

 

[Tootsie]

Hugs hun.

I was 19 when i had my fist baby but luckily i was in a good relationship (at the time) and we had bought our own place.

I can understand the confusion you are going through, the fact that you are now worrying about how you will cope is good and shows you are responsible

As for living accomodation i too live near london and understand the increased costs involved in living somewhere that is expensive. as arcanegirl said the Local Council is your best bet.

Have you told your parents are they not there to support you and help you. I'm sure they wouldn't expect you to do this on your own. Maybe you can discuss some arrangements with them about staying there till you can get settled.

Hopefully everything will be easier for you as time goes on. Fingers crossed but i think if you havent told your parents now would be a good time

 

[Arcanegirl]

Good luck with the council

 

[Iwantone!!!]

aaawwww hun all the best whatever u decide

 

[Confused_1984]

Thanks girls,

I told my parents the day i found out.

They were obviously shocked but they gave me wise advice and said they'll support me either way BUT ended it indirectly telling me they thought i should have an abortion...hence my confusion!

My mum was really upset yesterday - which is one thing that kills me to see, i think she's worried about losing me

Well i've got a doctors appointment tomorrow - she'll be coming with me as my fellas got work!
xxx

 

[Arcanegirl]

Awft i hate it when other try and push their desisions onto others.
Do whats best for you, and what you want, nobody else!

 

[Confused_1984]

I know its a complete Head-Fuck!

My boyfriend desperately wants to keep it and my parents and brother don't think i should.

As for me, i dont have the slightest bloody clue.

Just wanna go doctors and find out how far i am into pregnancy...!

 

[Arcanegirl]

Why dont your parents think you should keep it?

 

[ablaze]

it is a decision that has to be made between you and your bf, its a pity your parents arent being a bit more understanding though

 

[Laura]

Hunni, dont worry about what anyone else thinks!! this is your decision about your life.

If you have an abortion just coz someone else thinks that you should, then you will regret it for the rest of your life!

Dont worry about housing and such like, people all over the world have babies everyday, how do you think they manage? You will always get by hun, and maybe getting by isnt what you want, but you will have your little baby there, who will make up for everything else.

Hunni do what is right for you. It seems like its serious with ur bf, so this baby was made out of love, let it blossom, and it will be more rewarding than anything you will ever come across.

Hope that makes sense

Laura x

 

[Tam]

Thanks girls,

I told my parents the day i found out.

They were obviously shocked but they gave me wise advice and said they'll support me either way BUT ended it indirectly telling me they thought i should have an abortion...hence my confusion!

My mum was really upset yesterday - which is one thing that kills me to see, i think she's worried about losing me
Well i've got a doctors appointment tomorrow - she'll be coming with me as my fellas got work!
xxx

Hi hun,

I have been exactly where you are! I lived at home got PG but I knew I didn't have a future with my partner......my Mum was brilliant, my Dad was pressuring me to go more for an abortion, due to my career and life, whereas Mum was obviously worried about me and didn't want things turning out bad for me.....

Well cut a long story short, my Mum came with me to appointments, and to the one where I signed the forms for the abortion....I cried as I signed the paperwork and didn't have a clue what I was doing, and whether I was doing what 'I' wanted?!?!

The night before the abortion, I told my partner I was having second thoughts, he was not happy, and that made my decision to leave him final, whatever I was going to do now, I was going to do it alone and for me!!!!!
I phoned my sister that night as I was so scared and really knew I wanted to keep this baby, she was a great help, I also told Mum and wanted to break it gently, I didn't want her worrying for me, but I needed her to know how I felt and what I wanted......and to be honest, if it wasn't for my Mum, I don't think I could have done it, she was the best, really supportive, and very happy at the thought of having a baby in the house (me & Mum were inseperable).

I got ready the morning of the Op and knew I couldn't go thru with it, so I picked the phone up infront of my Mum & Dad (Mum knew I was doing this, she had been great all the way thru) and I told them I would not be coming in for the Op.

From that day on, my Mum was with me 1001% and even my Dad was too, which was the one thing that worried me, as he had been so for the abortion. During all of my pregnancy, Mum helped me get things together, my Dad decorated the nursery and between us all (mainly thanks to my Mum) we got everything I needed for my baby! They were even at the birth with me, as was my sister, and they all have the closest bond with Jade that you could have, they ALL love her to bits and feel something very special for her......My Mum has sadly since died, but Jade was her life, my Mum was like a second mum to Jade and they absoulutely doted on eachother! My Dad is very close to her too, and loves her to bits, sadly he lives quite a way away, and he gets teary at not seeing her very much, but the relationships and the enjoyment Jade has brought to my family I cannot express in words............

so in short babe, as hard as it seems now, and as confused as you are, you have to make sure you do what is right for YOU, and everyone else will come round and I promise, if you have this little'un, there will be no regrets from anyone, but if you feel it is not right for you, then you will also feel happy with your decision! Just take time out for YOU and think hard about what it is YOU want, everything else WILL fall into place in time x

 

[twinkletoes]

hi hun.

i was 15 when i had jordan and 20 when i had lily-mae.
When my parents found out i was pregant with jordan they were mad to start with, but luckily soon became very supportive. they were also very supportive when i was preganant with lily-mae too.
I think you have to do whatever feels fight for you.

big hugs to you chick x x x

 

[lexis_mommy]

heya hun, just wanted to say that it is hard, but it's also the most amazing rewarding thing you can ever do. i had my daughter at 17, and got pregnant again when she was 2 1/2 months old. with this baby i thought about having an abortion because i thought i wouldn't be able to handle two babies so close, but i decided against it because it just wasn't the right decision for me. now i'm really happy and excited (although i am VERY sick of being pregnant lol) i hope you can make the right choice for you, and not listen to what everyone else is trying to tell you. it sounds like you're very lucky to have your bf wanting to stand by you, and the decision is between him and you, not him you and everyone else. good luck hun xxx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

I was 18 when i fell pregnant with my first and although i was already moved out with my bf it was still a big shcok but it was the best thing that could of ever happened to me and nwo im having my second
Do what you feel is right and its only you who can decide good luck and if you ever need to chat were all here .
Katrina

 

[Natalie&Karl]

Hi Everyone - this is confused_1984 reintroducing herself and her partner NATALIE AND KARL.

I'd just like to thank you all for sharing your stories and advice. It was a particulary difficult decision and in response to the question "why do your parents want you to have an abortion?" it's because they think that i have a bright future ahead of me career wise - well that's there strongest point anyway.

Despite everything, Karl and myself are going to be keeping our baby! I went away to Bath last weekend with my mum, so we could spend some time together and talk - it was great and i think she has finally come to terms with it. We even talked about baby names together and had a laugh!

I knew it was only a matter of time before they started supporting us. My dad asked to speak to Karl, so they spoke last night and my dad said he was proud of him - which was amazing.

My final task now is to tell my work! Which i'm still apprehensive about!

I just want to start trying to enjoy my pregnancy and be happy without the stress of other people.

Unfotunately i'm still having bad morning sickness and headaches, so it's not been fun! Awaiting a letter from my hospital to confirm our first scan date - and can't wait! I think i'm about 13 weeks now...

Thank you all again! xxxxxx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Thats great hun im so happy for you i knew they would eventually come around, good luck with everything and dont be shy
Katrina