Young-ish moms?

[FluffyKid]

I'm going to be 21 in May.

I want kids more than anything... My DF and I are NTNP since October '11. I got pregnant mid November and had an ectopic removed December 4th after it ruptured. I got to keep my tube though. Thankfully.

The point of my post is this:

How young were you when you had children, and how did you make it work? College? No college?

I'm in school this semester and thought about going in for nursing since nothing else interests me so far (I LOVE to draw, but not interested in most art programs, since they're ridiculously expensive) but I'm VERY seriously considering not going back to school after this semester. I feel like I am just running myself into the ground, wasting time and money by going to school for something I don't want to do.

It feels like I'm having a midlife crisis. Hahaha.
I want to work and be able to support a child, I just am so frustrated. DF doesn't want to TTC right now, because he wants to be able to be financially stable/prepared, but he has agreed to practice NTNP at least.

So, how did you all do it? If you haven't conceived/had #1 yet, how do you PLAN to make it?

 

[MyGummybear]

I was 17 when I became preg with my first and 19 with my second. Both me and my fiancé at the time were TTC and I was supported by both him and my dad. My mom helped out a lot too, even though they wished we had gotten married first. We ended up breaking up right before my youngest sons birthday, so it obviously did not last. I was young and didn't even really know what I wanted yet tbh, but I thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom..which I was for a good while. After we broke up though, things were very different and difficult at times. The boys lived with me for a couple years, now they live with their father and stepmother for now. We never went through court by choice, so we decided on split custody and will allow the boys to choose who they would like to live with when they get old enough. I just want them to be happy. So make sure your OH will be supportive and that it's definitely what you want. I am now 7 weeks pregnant at 22, with #3 and very excited. I have not gone to college yet, but plan on going for nursing later when I can. It's hard work but worth it, especially since I want my kids young. I don't want a kid past 30. Good luck to you, looks like we don't live that far away.

 

[zimsha]

I was 21 when i was pregnant and 22 when i gave birth. i LOOOOOVE being a mom but I wish that I would have at least have a full education by now. Im juggling my son and school and thoughts about #2 already! (I'm 23, my son is 14 months).

Being a mom is amazing and i can't tell you what to do but i would advise you to get some sort of education (major, certificate, BA, BA, etc) before you give birth. I would rather spend 100% of my time with my son but i also don't want to give up on my education so I'm a part time student/full time mommy

hope this helps a bit! good luck!

 

[Charlie91]

Im the same as you, going to be 21 in May. Im due to finish my university degree in May and me and the OH are currently NTNP, as you and your DF are. I would say not to spend money on a course simply for the sake of being on a course as in the future you may decide on something completely different. Is there any careers advice service around you which you may be able to arrange an appointment with to try and get a better idea of what kind of positions are available and what you would need to study? xx

 

[lemongrass]

I'm 23 and I'm ttc #1. My husband and I's plan is for me to stay home with our kids at least until they are all in school. Then we'll see from there whether I want to go to work or back to school or what. I purposely didn't go to college because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and also because I didn't feel there was a point because I would be halfway through a degree and then stop when I wanted to have children, making my education obsolete by the time I went back. However, my husband makes enough money to afford for me to stay home. He has a comfortable, secure job with great benefits that he plans to stay at until he retires. We have been living off of just his pay check for a year or two now so that we won't have a shock when we lose my income. Anyways, thats our plan.

 

[Zoe_x]

I'm the same, I have wanted children since I was about 14! And I knew I always wanted to be a young mum because I was raised with an older mother and realised that although she was the best mum I could ever ask for, differences in terms of outlooks of life, rules, being able to to help me with school work etc were some of the downsides. I want to be close to my children and be young enough to understand what they are going through and kinda of how they think about stuff (I'm talking about teenage years here).

Me and my OH will be TTC from Monday - when I say TTC, it will be more like NTNP because I don't finish my degree until May so in a huge rush to get pregnant straight away but will be v happy if it happens!

I would say though that, having been through almost a full degree, it is very stressful and takes up the majority of your time to do it right and get good grades! I cannot imagine being a full time mum and studying on the side. I don't really want to go back to work either until my kids are in school because I want to focus on just them.

Have you thought about childcare costs if you do go back to work and will you be earning enough in your job then to make that worthwhile? If not, and you may even decide you don't want to go back to work, will your OH be able to support you all with his job? I totally see where he is coming from in terms of being financially stable because thats what me and my OH want which we should be by the time we have our child a we are saving currently and I have a job to go into which will pay maternity pay should I get pregnant.

All I would say if if you do get pregnant again through NTNP and your OH wasn't totally up for having a child just yet and you then start to struggle financially, it could end up putting extra pressure on your relationship because of that which is something you definitely don't want with a new baby around! Just some points to think about!

If you are spending money on education which you aren't going to use, don't! Get a job and take that time to really figure out what you want to do in life! You may end up falling pregnant and realise you want to be a stay at home mum to look after the child for a while! But the money you are wasting now could be used as savings to go towards a baby if it does happen

 

[FluffyKid]

Thanks everybody! All of this is very helpful to read. I'm glad, since it kinda gives me a little hope and more focus, haha. I've responded to you all below!​

MyGummybear - Aww. I'm sorry you and your guy split. That's one thing I worried about when thinking about even telling my DF that I want kids, but he completely took me by surprise and wants kids almost as much as I do, too. He's just more reasonable about it, I suppose. I know I want to be a stay at home mom for a bit, but obviously not forever. I'd LOVE to get into a position where I could do something creative, like freelance art or a cake decorator or something, haha. I want to be a young mom, too. But hey, it's cool that your parents at least helped! My family...is kinda crazy. My mom would want me to abort the child, and my dad is on hard drugs, so he would NOT be an option. Anyway, congrats on #3! I'm jealous that you've even had 1! I know I'll get there eventually, but y'know... And oh, cool! I live almost in the geographical center of TN. About 30 minutes away from it, actually.

zimsha - Not being smart or anything, just curious, but how does your incomplete education affect your life with your child? I ask because I really want to know, y'know, from someone's perspective that does have kids. I've got people telling me that they had a fine time raising kids without a college degree, and I've got people telling me it's just plain wrong to have kids without having some sort of degree.

Charlie91 - Oooooh, yay, a May birthday! I'm May 2nd. I'm not sure of any career advice centers... Unless... There IS this place that I want to go to about 20-30 minutes away from me that is called The Career Center? Hahaha, that would probably be the place to go.

Lemongrass - I envy that you have your finances in order! But also, congratulations on that accomplishment! I started college immediately after high school because everyone was telling me it's what I NEEDED to do. I was afraid that, if I didn't follow along with everybody, my life would just go to waste. Also, I was VERY single at the time, so all I had to worry about was my lonely self. I wound up failing out of school after that year for what I guess I would call mental health reasons (I had depression due to a low thyroid), transferring to a community college the very next semester and didn't do so well there either, because of my thyroid. I got medicated mid November that year and the next semester was a disaster because I became homeless all of a sudden, so... My grades are kind of awful. It has been a year since then, though and I'm properly medicated, I have a home now, have been with my fiance for over a year, and am back in school this semester. But I feel like it is $1300 wasted. It is going to help me get my grades back up, but it's leading nowhere.

 

[lemongrass]

Fluffykid- You may not have received good grades in college, but you learned a lesson. I spent a year in college- and $4000 but didn't end up wanting to do what I went in for so I know how you feel. But we live, we learn.

 

[tabitha561]

Hello, I am 24 almost 25 unless your husband has a good job. I would advise you to wait. I am in school and taking care of a 9 month old, it is fun at times but it can be hard at times. I guess I am lucky enough to have a good support group around me that we can make enough money where I can stay at home. Most people don't have the means to do that. Also when you have a child you will change your mind what you want to do lol I was going to be a nurse but I would hate working those long hours... I am still undecided what I am going to do.

 

[FluffyKid]

Definitely learned a lesson. An expensive lesson. My grades are so low, I can't get financial aid until I get them back up, so I'm going to have to work to put myself through school. Not too terribly frightening, but I don't want to do it, since I don't know what I want to go to school for anymore.

 

[sposey]

I am 19 and waiting on doctor's appointment to confirm my first pregnancy. We were ntnp as well. I am in college right now, and with the support system I have (my parents and my husbands parents and grandparents) I think that I will be able to keep going to school. My husband works night shift, so he will be able to be home with our child during the day, and we would only need someone to help watch when I had to work in the evenings while he is at work as well. I'm scared, but I am dedicated to finishing my degree no matter what! Right now I am going for education, but even before finding out I may be pregnant, I was considering switching to a business associates degree which would be a shorter degree program. Seriously consider the fact that to get a CAREER you usually need a degree. Even if it is just a two year. Good luck!!

 

[motherearth23]

I'm 19 and my man is 20. I've really wanted to have a baby with him since I met him. We have been together since I was 17, and have future marriage plans. He adores me, and knows I've got baby fever. We have been NTNP since November, and each month I get my period and am disappointed. I think that being a young parent is not a bad thing, and is not directly related to how educated you are (from school). I think if you're the type of person who is intelligent enough to think things through like this and be able to make a mature decision on whether or not to have a baby that is good enough. If you have the love in your heart, a modest income, and a good support system... have children if you so desire. I know I'd be thrilled to fall pregnant. I'm currently waiting to see if my period comes (it's supposed to come the 28th).
As for the ectopic pregnancy, it's one of my own fears. I was my mother's first and only child. The two pregnancies after me were ectopic and had to be terminated. She was devastated... And it scares me to think that I could have gotten the problem genetically. However, we will deal with that if/when the time comes. Right now I'm just working on getting a positive in the first place!

 

[MyGummybear]

Awesome, I live in Memphis! Haha. Oh yeah, it sucked when we first split, but now I wouldn't change it for the world because I love the guy I am with now more than I have ever loved any other man. It is great and he is the father of this baby #3. It will be his first and I am so excited. That sux about the family thing you mentioned, I'm sorry. But since you're an adult, it's your choice and life. Gotta do what makes you happy, and I always think about how kids are great because you will have someone in your life there for you later to love and spend time with and they will hopefully help out when we get too old! LoL.

 

[Momma.Bear]

Hey! I'm 23, i was 20 when i got pregnant & 21 when my daughter was born.
I've not done the college/uni thing as i still don't know what i'd want to take.
Right now i'm a full time SAHM and plan to be for at least another year (until LO is 3) or even until she starts school.
Me and my OH are kinda sorta NTNP, but we barely DTD so it's kind of hard to make a baby that way
I wouldn't change being a Mommy for anything! And if the only job i ever have from here on out is retail or something - i will be perfectly fine with that! It'll mean i will always be able to take my LO to school, give her dinner, bath and put her to bed & not have stress from a demanding job, iykwim.
You have to do what's right for you, who cares what others think/say. If you're happy, that's all that matters

 

[Siinead__]

I was 18 when I had my daughter and her father and I are now engaged & getting married in 2 years! (im now 20, my wee girl is 2).. I'd left school at 15, no GCSE's ( im from ireland lol) no nothing! Was a bit of a tearaway you could say lol. I was studying health and social care when i got pregnant, didnt know what i wanted to do.. just did it for th sake of it! So glad I did now though.. Took a year out after I had my baby. Went back to college & did childcare. I've always wanted to be a midwife but thought it would take too long before i got a career so thats why i did childcare. That was last year! ( Also got myself some GCSE's aswell) I'm now back to health and social care & will be applying for midwifery in september If i hadn't of had my daughter I don't know where I would be now.. Most likely sitting at home on benefits with no job! My daughter gave me so much prospectus and drive to make something of myself! & I really enjoy being at college because I get out of the house and meet new people (im not a stay at home person lol) My fiancé & I are now also thinking about having another child It is hard but i wouldnt want my life any other way right now xx

 

[sweetmere]

I'm 21 & hubby is 24. We are TTC, hubby has a good job with good insurance and I have an alright job. I got all of my general classes at college done, but still don't know what I want to do. I plan on writing books, so will probably start one soon. I would go back to college, but in my opinion it's a waste of money to study something you don't even like, or aren't sure about. I know I'd just change my mind anyway, and I'd have to go back all over again. Since I plan to write, I may take some creative writing and journalism courses eventually. English/spelling/writing were always my strong points.

If you husband has a great job and you feel secure, go for it. If not, I would wait. The only reason we are TTC early is 1)we would love our own little family. 2) we have a pretty large savings account for our age and the area we live in. 3) we are "savers" so I feel comfortable having a child right now.

 

[bornthiswayxo]

Hiya! I'm 20 years old, and NTNP in two weeks time... just come off my pill in preperation. I have been pregnant before, two of the pregnancies ending in MC. :/ I'm hoping this time for a sticky one if it happens! Hope everyone in this thread is well. x

 

[pinkribbon]

I was 19 when I fell preg with DS and was in my second year at uni. I finished my second year about a week before my EDD, turned 20 5 days before DS was born. I was also working part time.

I interrupted my studies (took a year off) and returned to uni when DS was a little over 1. I also returned to work. I wil graduate in a couple of months

For me things worked out perfectly because I had the first year of his life with him, he was born in sept and the academic year starts then too so i managed to complete my year and not have to take a break mid-year if that makes sense. My friend has a DD and had to return to uni when she was 4 months old. She found that incredibly hard.

 

[bornthiswayxo]

I was 19 when I fell preg with DS and was in my second year at uni. I finished my second year about a week before my EDD, turned 20 5 days before DS was born. I was also working part time.

I interrupted my studies (took a year off) and returned to uni when DS was a little over 1. I also returned to work. I wil graduate in a couple of months

For me things worked out perfectly because I had the first year of his life with him, he was born in sept and the academic year starts then too so i managed to complete my year and not have to take a break mid-year if that makes sense. My friend has a DD and had to return to uni when she was 4 months old. She found that incredibly hard.

Wow, congrats! Uni is not something I am considering because of cost and my academic intelligence (confidence with my ability anyway), but thats great! Hope you enjoy graduation!

 

[pinkribbon]

I was 19 when I fell preg with DS and was in my second year at uni. I finished my second year about a week before my EDD, turned 20 5 days before DS was born. I was also working part time.

I interrupted my studies (took a year off) and returned to uni when DS was a little over 1. I also returned to work. I wil graduate in a couple of months

For me things worked out perfectly because I had the first year of his life with him, he was born in sept and the academic year starts then too so i managed to complete my year and not have to take a break mid-year if that makes sense. My friend has a DD and had to return to uni when she was 4 months old. She found that incredibly hard.

Wow, congrats! Uni is not something I am considering because of cost and my academic intelligence (confidence with my ability anyway), but thats great! Hope you enjoy graduation!

Thank you! Congrats on moving over to NTNP/TTC!