Hi everyone, my name is Natalie.
I am an 18 year old Veterinary Nursing student who lives in Morisset (Central Coast) with my Partner Lee (34) and we sometimes have his children Tori (11) and Blake (8). Now most people think strait away about the age difference, but anyone who has met me can say I do not act my age. So we meet somewhere half way mentally
So after being with my partner for just over a year I found out I was pregnant on the 17th Dec (Mind you I have been on the pill since the age of 15 for back pain problems). In the little over a week that has just past I haven't had much time to really think about our plans to keep or not because of xmas, but over a few brief chats with the partner it is clear he never wanted this to happen as we both never wanted to give his children half-brother/sisters. But with the person that he is, as much as he isn't in favor of the situation, I really don't think he would ask me to terminate against my will, so this is what is actually upsetting me. He is great in not pressuring me and allowing me to make my own choice, but I feel as though keeping the baby would disappoint him. So I am now around 5 weeks pregnant with a lot going through my head right now, none give me a clear yes or no.
The main thing on my mind is obviously this big "keep or terminate" question.
All the things running through my head are positives and negatives, with only one coming out on top all the time, and I am DEEPLY ashamed of it, is our "plans not to have children/marriage plans" and the fact we didn't want kids because we didn't want to give Tori and Blake half brothers/sisters is effecting me big time now that the unplanned has actually happened. It was easily decided back when already being pregnant wasn't on the books. So now I'm actually feeling bad towards his children, which I actually adored before all this. Feeling as though its because of their existence that I couldn't be embracing our pregnancy and loving each other more over it instead of this instant negativity towards the situation. I am constantly wishing they weren't his, that they lived with some other happy family, because I do know for a fact that if he didn't already have children, hed be all over me like a rash and nothing could be more perfect, and I am so ashamed of this, and Its the most immature thought I have ever had.
One other major thing on my mind is the fact his sister and my best friend, also called Natalie (Moondance on here) has been trying for 2 years now with no luck what so ever, nothing. And here I am, the person who has been beside her through all this, falling pregnant whilst ON the pill and planning to possibly abort.
I had a dream around the time I would have conceived involving me becoming pregnant FOR Natalie (Moondance) and her partner. So it was like my body was giving me hints of a sort. Now I'd love to be the strong best friend who could go through a pregnancy for Moondance and her partner, but fact is, by the time it came to delivering the child, I would be attached to the child and I would not be able to cope knowing someone else was raising my flesh and blood, let alone someone I'd see every day (She lives on the same plot of land). Otherwise i'd be first in line to be a surrogate for Moondance. And this also upsets me that I'd be terminating a child that I'm blessed to conceive in the first place, when adopting out to Moondance seems like a better thing to do to me, but I just wouldn't be able to cope.
That's IF we terminate.
So my job now is to give my partner time, wait till his children go back to their mother's on the 4th Jan so he can relax and have time to think, and talk to him again and go from there.
So anyway, that's my stuffed up story so far.
I am due on the 29th August 2012 if we go ahead and keep our baby...25 days before my Birthday
I am an 18 year old Veterinary Nursing student who lives in Morisset (Central Coast) with my Partner Lee (34) and we sometimes have his children Tori (11) and Blake (8). Now most people think strait away about the age difference, but anyone who has met me can say I do not act my age. So we meet somewhere half way mentally
So after being with my partner for just over a year I found out I was pregnant on the 17th Dec (Mind you I have been on the pill since the age of 15 for back pain problems). In the little over a week that has just past I haven't had much time to really think about our plans to keep or not because of xmas, but over a few brief chats with the partner it is clear he never wanted this to happen as we both never wanted to give his children half-brother/sisters. But with the person that he is, as much as he isn't in favor of the situation, I really don't think he would ask me to terminate against my will, so this is what is actually upsetting me. He is great in not pressuring me and allowing me to make my own choice, but I feel as though keeping the baby would disappoint him. So I am now around 5 weeks pregnant with a lot going through my head right now, none give me a clear yes or no.
The main thing on my mind is obviously this big "keep or terminate" question.
All the things running through my head are positives and negatives, with only one coming out on top all the time, and I am DEEPLY ashamed of it, is our "plans not to have children/marriage plans" and the fact we didn't want kids because we didn't want to give Tori and Blake half brothers/sisters is effecting me big time now that the unplanned has actually happened. It was easily decided back when already being pregnant wasn't on the books. So now I'm actually feeling bad towards his children, which I actually adored before all this. Feeling as though its because of their existence that I couldn't be embracing our pregnancy and loving each other more over it instead of this instant negativity towards the situation. I am constantly wishing they weren't his, that they lived with some other happy family, because I do know for a fact that if he didn't already have children, hed be all over me like a rash and nothing could be more perfect, and I am so ashamed of this, and Its the most immature thought I have ever had.
One other major thing on my mind is the fact his sister and my best friend, also called Natalie (Moondance on here) has been trying for 2 years now with no luck what so ever, nothing. And here I am, the person who has been beside her through all this, falling pregnant whilst ON the pill and planning to possibly abort.
I had a dream around the time I would have conceived involving me becoming pregnant FOR Natalie (Moondance) and her partner. So it was like my body was giving me hints of a sort. Now I'd love to be the strong best friend who could go through a pregnancy for Moondance and her partner, but fact is, by the time it came to delivering the child, I would be attached to the child and I would not be able to cope knowing someone else was raising my flesh and blood, let alone someone I'd see every day (She lives on the same plot of land). Otherwise i'd be first in line to be a surrogate for Moondance. And this also upsets me that I'd be terminating a child that I'm blessed to conceive in the first place, when adopting out to Moondance seems like a better thing to do to me, but I just wouldn't be able to cope.
That's IF we terminate.
So my job now is to give my partner time, wait till his children go back to their mother's on the 4th Jan so he can relax and have time to think, and talk to him again and go from there.
So anyway, that's my stuffed up story so far.
I am due on the 29th August 2012 if we go ahead and keep our baby...25 days before my Birthday
