younger brother/sister having a baby before you, jelous?

[mummy.wannabe]

hi all

I know people may call me selfish or jelous but, my husbands sister as 2 people at a very early age, and my brothers gf was pregnant ( not planned) a few weeks after they started going out,
im the eldest child in my family and i felt jelous that my brother was having the 1st grandchild, then she had a miscarriage, and though i was sad for their loss i felt a bit relieved! as they hardly knew each other either, think they may trying again
did or does anyone else feel like this, or am i being silly?

 

[mummy.wannabe]

has 2 children not people!

 

[SpudsMama]

I can't say much on the issue with a younger sibling because he's only 15 and had better not announce any pregnancies anytime soon lol!!

But I can relate to that feeling with friends... it seems that all my friends are either pregnant or have babies/toddlers... driving me CRAZY!! Out of my little social group there's only me and two other people who aren't mums/expecting and there's over 10 of us in total

It's like you're torn between feeling happy for them and really really wishing it was you and not them... I feel guilty for even saying that

But our time will come, I know it

Baby dust to you xx

 

[mummy.wannabe]

thats what i mean, i feel so bad for saying it out loud that im jelous but thats how i feel. im so deperate for a baby, i had been waiting until a certain month so that we could start trying, then that came and past and i know it doesnt happen in 1 month but other people can fall straight away.
being on this website you see how many people actually wait years to fall and id be so upset, its not fair sometimes, when people dont want babies and they fall anyway x

 

[SpudsMama]

yeah most of my friends who have had babies didn't plan them and bingo they're preg... not fair at all

when I first started ttc I thought 3 months tops and I'll be on my way to having my baby... and I know this is only my 5th month, nothing compared to other women on here, but it feels like forever!!

xx

 

[mummy.wannabe]

your about the same we been trying for 6months, but after the 1st month i didnt have a peroid for 4 months! so only tried again this month, it was so frustrating and i really dont want a christmas baby x

 

[DMG83]

i didn't think i'd want a christmas baby and had this whole list of "what i wanted/didn't want" but now, on cycle 6, i'll take whatever i'm given, boy or girl, xmas day or new years day, i don't mind, just give me a healthy happy baby in my belly and in my arms!!

as for the jealousy.... every single second of every single day pretty much... it's so unfair i think most people feel the same, i know i shouldn't be jealous but i've got to the point that i don't even care about saying it, it's a normal reaction when you want something so bad and can't have it! So i'd rather get it out than keep it in and let it eat me away inside! don't feel bad about it

 

[mummy.wannabe]

if im not pregnant this month, which i dont think i am, we will carry on so next month it would be born in november, and then i will have a big think whether to carry on or wait a few months. that would prob kill me but we wait and see how it goes x

Its just the money thing with a christmas baby x

 

[Chelsie]

My brother is 17 and just announced that he is going to be a daddy.. and he has no relationship with this girl.. so yeah it really sucks. He is soo upset about it and all they do is fight about it, then i'm over here married and trying and trying.. it really sucks.. and on top of that my coworker that a share an office with, my cousin, and about 4 close friends that all got married around the same time as me have also announced their pregnancies.. all within the last 2 months. It's getting to be a bit much!

 

[mummy.wannabe]

yes chelsie sounds like you know the feeling and it sucks big time!!!

 

[plutosblue]

Hi hun

Not younger but my SIL was pregnant with her first child - unplanned and had the same thing.. again was supposed to be the 1st grandchild.

It's horrible and I feel awful for her, but I can relate to the "relieved" feeling, its horrible what TTC does to us, I should feel nothing but sadness but can't help but feel in my own selfish little way a tad relieved.

Jealously can be so horrible sometimes, no matter how much you try to ignore it it's there. But you just have to remember, it will be your turn at some point - positivity!!

 

[DMG83]

i have this terrible sinking feeling that DH's twin sister is going to announce she's pregnant to her bf or that his other sister will when we've been trying for 6 months.. neither of them has stable relationships! But i just can't get it out of my head that they'll suddenly be pregnant by accident!

His cousin announced her pregnancy... on MY WEDDING DAY!!!! She told EVERYONE, apparently they were all in the toilets talking about it. Talk about having to be the centre of attention. I wondered why all his family were huddled in the corner doing "cheers" and nattering away together all night... she's oooh 7 years younger than me and only has a bf..

to make matters even worse, i persuaded my best friend to start trying with me in november (it took her a few months to agree lol) and she started trying nov 26th.. she messaged me to tell me she was pregnant on dec 7th she has her 12 week scan next week. I'm so happy for her.. but obviously you all know how I also feel about the situation..

 

[carine]

mummy.wannabe, my situation is so similar to yours! I feel your pain!

I'm the eldest and have a younger brother, and last January he and his girlfriend got pregnant. They told us in May and I was very, very upset. I felt guilty, but I was (and still am a little) incredibly jealous. They had only been dating for a few months, she's in her early 20s, and my husband and I have been married for a couple of years, we're rapidly approaching 30...we only started trying the second half of last year because I'm in grad school but it just seemed so unfair! Why should he have the first grandchild with some random girl we barely know, we've done all the "right" things and still haven't conceived yet, blah blah. All that. My mom felt the same way, though, so that made me feel a little better. She has said that she can't wait until I find out I'm pregnant because it will be happy news this time.

Anyway, now, of course my nephew is amazing and I'm glad for them, but I still get twinges of envy. Just like every time I find out someone else I know is pregnant...but hopefully our time is coming!

 

[mummy.wannabe]

OMG nai on your wedding day! i would be very upset about that,

my best friend wants to have a baby at the same time as me so that we cna spend more time together and our children can wrong up together like we did, but she wants to be married 1st, at this rate i will still be trying and shes getting married in 2012.

carine your situation is exactly the same, my brother is is a rocky relationship, she doesnt LIKE to work, they still live with parents, they cant afford to have a baby but as she doesnt want to work they think it would be perfect to have a baby!! our family know that they wont last and when a baby is involved they would have no choice but to be in contact! my mum said '' i wonder how many families he would have''!! he is desperate for a baby! weird for a man i thought.

jelousy is a terrible thing, i know i wouldnt have the 1sy grandchild on husbands side but as least on my side you just expect to have the 1st one. life doesnt go to plan!

 

[DMG83]

OMG nai on your wedding day! i would be very upset about that,

she was only 7 weeks too, so there was no need to announce it on my wedding day! so pathetic lol even DH was annoyed when he found out!

i know jealous is wrong. It's just such a basic reaction to finding out someone has got what you want so bad..

 

[mummy.wannabe]

oh and at 7 weeks! she knew what she was doing. that was unfair of her. maybe she craved the attention.
i also get jelous of my SIL as she had hers at 18, she knew she was off the pill, her bf didnt want a baby yet but she knew he wouldnt make her get rid of a baby if it was there, so he didnt get a choice, shes then had 3 and has never worked in her life, and then tells me i best not go one further than her and have 4!! i was fuming as i can afford my own children and she cant.
maybe when i have my own child i wont be so jelous x

 

[mom22boys]

I am sorry. I am speaking as the younger sister here. My brother and his wife were married for 10 years before they had their child. My hubby and I were married for 5 months when we started trying. I really did not want to even tell my brother and sis inlaw because I thought it might hurt their feelings. I really did think about it hard! I had my mom tell them because I did not want to see their faces. BUT on the other hand they have the youngest and that is just a special!

 

[Chelsie]

Ah the friend thing sucks too! My friend and I decided to try together so we could be pregnant together and have our kids around the same time.. she was going to start trying in November (got married Oct. 23) and beginning of December she tells me she is pregnant.. and then AF is late so I got all excited.. nope.. I haven't had a period since Nov. 25 .. 2 months late all BFNs! Mother nature has AWFUL humor

 

[fallenangel11]

Human nature can be so mean. We should be happy at all these lovely babies coming into the world- but we can't. Luckily for me my younger siblings haven't announced any pregnancies (I told my sister I would have to murder her if she does ). But DH has a 3 year old child from a casual relationship just before me.

So you guys might have to see these pregnant people occasionally, but I have a constant reminder that even my DH has had a baby before! It would kill me if I weren't able to try for my own. While i love my step-daughter, she will never be mine. The only solice I can get out of it is, at least our baby will be wanted, planned and loved (my DH did not want my Step-daughter- he knew he didn't want to be with the mother, he didn't love her for the 9mnths as he wasn't ready to be a daddy, and she definately wasn't planned!) Now of course he adores his little girl, but I know that at first it was hard for him. But he tells me how happy he is knowing our baby will be loved even before it's here. Also we can't wait to have our baby 24/7 (step-daughter lives with her mother 50%).

To top that off DH's bestmate has just gotten a girl pregnant and the whole situation sounds a lot like DH's situation- (a casual relationship, almost eneded by the guy, then the girl 'accidently' gets pregnant, so the guy sticks around coz he thinks it the right thing to do) but just like DH, his friend is starting to look miserable and trapped.

I think the best thing to do in these situations is to remind ourselves just how lucky our babies will be! They will have two loving parents who want them more than anything else. Our babies will always come first, our babies will have parents with stable, loving relationships and our babies will get to be told 'we planned for you' not 'oops you just happpened'!

 

[4magpies]

My 17 year old sister in law had her baby the beggining of this month, still lives at home with MIL, neither her or her OH have a job (relationship is rocky at the best, he takes drugs and is a voilent drunk!!).

We were told in May just after my lap in which I was told I have a damaged tube. Awesome. Nawt.

I just avoided her through the whole pregnancy and still am doing now!

xx