your oh

[missy123]

How does ltttc affect your oh?today hasn't been good for mine he has his moments when it all takes it toll

 

[EllieGoulet]

We've only been trying for a year, but I know he didn't think it would take this long. He's very pragmatic though, there's only been one occasion when he had a man-meltdown (and even then I don't think it was anywhere near what I subject him to).

 

[longing]

Hi, I have moved to this forum now as it has been over 2 years with nothing. So, hello! My oh doesnt really express how he is feeling but I can tell he is sad that it doesnt seem to be happening. But he does bury his head to the fact we might need some help, which is really frustrating for me

 

[cooch]

Mine is desperate but probably not to my extent. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he replied- you know what I want. At least we have hope as I know ladies on other forums who have had laps and been told their uterus is twisted/or a mess making them unlikely to ever carry a child. This made me feel lucky to still have hope. xx

 

[missy123]

My oh is having trouble accepting that ivf could be our only option he doesn't believe in it..he feels only god should create a child and feels interfering isn't for him..but it is for me so he has to accept it because its what i want x

 

[rosebud_01_99]

im amazed my oh is still with me after 16yrs of ivf and miscarriages and its all my issues , i have pcos and immune issues. i really am blessed to have him, but its tough knowing that all he wants in life is to be a father and he would be a fantastic one.

 

[Maurie]

DH is much more a relaxed person. We are both 25 so he tells me he is not in a huge rush. He tells me HE would be OK if it took another 2-3 years. However me being me he supports me and tells me to do what I need to do, he sees the pain and impatience in my eyes. Going through the tests he is realizing that it will take a while, and we will need assistance. He is very supportive, goes to the tests and appointments he can, even asking for another one after he missed one to go over side effects of Clomid.
LOVE that man

 

[Armywife84]

I'm jealous! I wish my DH would display some sort of emotion about LTTC! At first, he denied the issue was with him, insisting I should go get a second opinion because there could be something wrong with me. The nerve, if anything he should be retested! He's way too optimistic about it, even going as far as to tell me, "It will happen when it happens". Don't feed me that bs! Because nearly 2 years later and still childless, it's more than likely not going to happen without assistance!!

Then he told me that he doesn't believe in IVF and he's against it. I told him that if we were going to stay married, then we're having IVF and using deployment $$ to fund it. That ended that argument.

Overall, he ignores it like it doesn't exist. When the subject does come up, we end up arguing because I'm sick of going thru this alone, when I don't even have the issue! LTTC with MF is hard enough, but having a DH who offers you no support makes it that much harder.

Sorry for the meltdown.

 

[echo]

My oh is wonderful. I'm sorry for those who don't have a man like him. He is so supportive. I know he wants to be a father so bad, but he also understands how much I want it, too. He is 36 years old and I am 32, so we feel the pressure. We just passed the 3 year mark, moving towards 4 years.
He will make such a great dad, and I really want that for him! Seeing him with our niece and nephew....makes me sad.

 

[echo]

I'm jealous! I wish my DH would display some sort of emotion about LTTC! At first, he denied the issue was with him, insisting I should go get a second opinion because there could be something wrong with me. The nerve, if anything he should be retested! He's way too optimistic about it, even going as far as to tell me, "It will happen when it happens". Don't feed me that bs! Because nearly 2 years later and still childless, it's more than likely not going to happen without assistance!!

Then he told me that he doesn't believe in IVF and he's against it. I told him that if we were going to stay married, then we're having IVF and using deployment $$ to fund it. That ended that argument.

Overall, he ignores it like it doesn't exist. When the subject does come up, we end up arguing because I'm sick of going thru this alone, when I don't even have the issue! LTTC with MF is hard enough, but having a DH who offers you no support makes it that much harder.

Sorry for the meltdown.

Don't worry about the meltdown. TTC is hard.

 

[Try Rocking]

My DH is of the mind that it will happen when it happens, he wants another baby as much as I do but I don't think he notices how much time passes as much as I do.

With our daughter it took us 7 years, in the end it happened without any assistance but because it took so long I'm afraid that the next one will take as long (or not at all) but he just keeps on being patient about it. Sometimes it drives me nuts, especially when I comment on how long it's been and he says "it'll happen when it's meant to happen" but he's just more patient than I am.

 

[missy123]

My DH is of the mind that it will happen when it happens, he wants another baby as much as I do but I don't think he notices how much time passes as much as I do.

With our daughter it took us 7 years, in the end it happened without any assistance but because it took so long I'm afraid that the next one will take as long (or not at all) but he just keeps on being patient about it. Sometimes it drives me nuts, especially when I comment on how long it's been and he says "it'll happen when it's meant to happen" but he's just more patient than I am.

I think when you have one already like we do the men are in less of a hurry

 

[Try Rocking]

I wish I could say it's only been since we had our daughter but he was like this before we had her too, right up until I got pregnant with her. He just has a lot more patience than I do. :\

 

[ememcly]

My oh doesnt really express how he is feeling but I can tell he is sad that it doesnt seem to be happening.

 

[doodles999]

I'm jealous! I wish my DH would display some sort of emotion about LTTC! At first, he denied the issue was with him, insisting I should go get a second opinion because there could be something wrong with me. The nerve, if anything he should be retested! He's way too optimistic about it, even going as far as to tell me, "It will happen when it happens". Don't feed me that bs! Because nearly 2 years later and still childless, it's more than likely not going to happen without assistance!!

Then he told me that he doesn't believe in IVF and he's against it. I told him that if we were going to stay married, then we're having IVF and using deployment $$ to fund it. That ended that argument.

Overall, he ignores it like it doesn't exist. When the subject does come up, we end up arguing because I'm sick of going thru this alone, when I don't even have the issue! LTTC with MF is hard enough, but having a DH who offers you no support makes it that much harder.

Sorry for the meltdown.

My DH reacted the same way to then news that he was the problem. He literally heard magical different words coming from the doctor. Somehow, a million good sperm for IUI was AWESOME in his mind...even after I showed him study after study with single digit success rates for post-wash counts under TEN million. He then kept telling everyone that I had issues because I spotted a few cycles so the ob/gyn put me on Clomid before ever testing DH. For the record, our chart at the FS says "male factor infertility" and the doctor said that I have no issues. Thanks, doc. Then the urologist told DH that he was "super," according to DH...which just meant "you don't have a varicocele, but you should do ICSI." After I refused IVF and had a massive meltdown, telling DH that this was all his fault, he FINALLY realized that he wasn't "just fine." Then he got really sad and started dealing with it realistically. I felt bad for being so mean to him about it, but I was sick of being "blamed." I've now caved on the IVF and we're starting next week, hopefully. I think men just aren't capable of hearing that their swimmers have problems

Hope your DH gets it together soon

 

[Armywife84]

I'm jealous! I wish my DH would display some sort of emotion about LTTC! At first, he denied the issue was with him, insisting I should go get a second opinion because there could be something wrong with me. The nerve, if anything he should be retested! He's way too optimistic about it, even going as far as to tell me, "It will happen when it happens". Don't feed me that bs! Because nearly 2 years later and still childless, it's more than likely not going to happen without assistance!!

Then he told me that he doesn't believe in IVF and he's against it. I told him that if we were going to stay married, then we're having IVF and using deployment $$ to fund it. That ended that argument.

Overall, he ignores it like it doesn't exist. When the subject does come up, we end up arguing because I'm sick of going thru this alone, when I don't even have the issue! LTTC with MF is hard enough, but having a DH who offers you no support makes it that much harder.

Sorry for the meltdown.

My DH reacted the same way to then news that he was the problem. He literally heard magical different words coming from the doctor. Somehow, a million good sperm for IUI was AWESOME in his mind...even after I showed him study after study with single digit success rates for post-wash counts under TEN million. He then kept telling everyone that I had issues because I spotted a few cycles so the ob/gyn put me on Clomid before ever testing DH. For the record, our chart at the FS says "male factor infertility" and the doctor said that I have no issues. Thanks, doc. Then the urologist told DH that he was "super," according to DH...which just meant "you don't have a varicocele, but you should do ICSI." After I refused IVF and had a massive meltdown, telling DH that this was all his fault, he FINALLY realized that he wasn't "just fine." Then he got really sad and started dealing with it realistically. I felt bad for being so mean to him about it, but I was sick of being "blamed." I've now caved on the IVF and we're starting next week, hopefully. I think men just aren't capable of hearing that their swimmers have problems

Hope your DH gets it together soon

That fecking selective hearing!

Every time I confront him about being in denial he just brushes it off. So hopefully one day he'll wake up and smell the before I've lost my marbles and can't LTTC anymore.

Another fellow poster told me, what they fail to realize is that we're going thru this hell because we love them and want to have their baby. I could've filed for a divorce last year, given that IF was tearing our marriage apart. I wasn't dealing well with it, and he wasn't acknowledging anything. But I didn't. I really hope that he sees that.

Thank you for your story and letting me know I'm not alone in unsupportive DHs.

 

[doodles999]

That fecking selective hearing!

Every time I confront him about being in denial he just brushes it off. So hopefully one day he'll wake up and smell the before I've lost my marbles and can't LTTC anymore.

Another fellow poster told me, what they fail to realize is that we're going thru this hell because we love them and want to have their baby. I could've filed for a divorce last year, given that IF was tearing our marriage apart. I wasn't dealing well with it, and he wasn't acknowledging anything. But I didn't. I really hope that he sees that.

Thank you for your story and letting me know I'm not alone in unsupportive DHs.

You're welcome Sometimes I think unsupportive DH's with lazy stupid sperm is the worst kind of IF. It's so hard to not be resentful, especially when they're being so insensitive. My mother once asked me if I was sorry I married DH...but I told her honestly, no. Before DH, I was ambivalent about having children...I want to have HIS children. The IF has definitely put a major strain on our marriage, though. Having DH come to every last IUI, HSG, etc. really helped him realize what I was going through BECAUSE OF HIM (I possibly also mentioned several times that this was his fault...bad, I know).

I actually did tell DH that I go through all of this for him, because I want to have his baby...and because this is OUR problem, not just his...because I'm not having a baby if he's not. I also had to tell my mother this when she thought I just needed donor sperm

I hope your DH gets it together soon...I know how hard it is to do it alone

 

[Bumblebeee]

My oh is not so good with the whole lttc. We think the issue could be with me as when I was younger I got like 3 periods a year at most, so i went to the docs who sent me for an ultrasound. My scan showed an enlarged left ovary, indicating possible pcos so they put me on dianette and, being 15, we left it at that. However, i've been off dianette for around 2 years and in november I went back to docs to ask for help with ttc and he ordered blood work which showed no signs of pcos, diabetes, cholestrol or anything else. 'The picture of health' he said... So where the frigg is my baby?!!
I'm also a big dreamer and mindlessly scribble doodles on the backs of receipts etc and i've found myself scribbling baby names, and my oh told me to get a grip! Just little things like that hurt. He's a proud man, and he genuinely thinks that it's me that's the problem, but after the blood work showed no pcos, i'm not so sure.