Your Parents are not to see the new baby before My Mum

[JohnsPrincess]

I'd be extremely upset if my Dh gave me any sort of demand like that. Thankfully, he's got his head on his shoulders and wouldn't dream of it!! LOL That said, my mom will be seeing the baby before his dad. But that's because we live away from all our family and No One is invited to stay with us during the first two weeks (our friends are totally welcome to visit) and then we're heading home for 2 weeks, which is where my mom lives. If his dad wanted to come down (and stay somewhere else) during the first two weeks, that would be fine. But it wouldn't be because of a demand!!

 

[wishful1]

Same here . . . I don't think I want anyone in delivery except my DH, midwife & doula . . . but who knows, I might want MY mom . . . and if that means she get to see the baby before my MIL so be it. I'm the one giving birth.

It sucks that your DH is not being supportive of your wishes, try explaining to him that you will be going through a lot and may need YOUR mom there for YOU.

 

[janeybaby]

I see where your OH is coming from, you say you may like to have your mum there at the birth which WILL push his mum's nose right out of joint. The best option is for the birth to be just you and OH then arrange that the 2 mums come see baby together or who ever gets there first.

fairs fair!!

 

[Dannieo]

I must admit he's a bit brave to be dictating such terms to a pregnant woman!

I'm very lucky in that my M & FIL have 9 other grandkids so they've done it so many times before. I've said that for the first few days (and hospital) all I want is ILs, my parents, my bro and OH's daughters. Like I said, ILs are so laid back about it, they've said they'll let us settle in at home first. Bless them.

This is my first kid, so my mum and dad are very excited about it, but even they've said the hospital is time for me, OH and the girls. Plus my dad is bringing us back from hospital.

Everyone else has been told that they've got to give us a few days to come round, and that people need to call first, as we live in a one bed flat and I don't want crowds in all at the same time and want to limit visitors on each day. I'm not looking for a party atmosphere everyday.

Sounds a bit complicated, but like I've said everyone on OH's side has kids, knows how it is and doesn't push. Plus they all they're own lives and wont be dropping everything to rush to see us!!!

If you want your mum at the birth he has no right to say anything to that, I'm sure you wont stop his mum seeing the baby once it's here, so he needs to wind his neck in with that. You're his wife!

And as for you being told you have two days, I'd tell him to shove that up his arse in the nastiest way possible! YOU get to decide when you are ready for visitors, not him.

Stick to your guns, girl and don't let him dictate to you about your birth. You've done all the chuffing work for the last nine months!

Hope you're OK with it all. xxxx

 

[2RockinBoys]

My OH's parent's saw our first born son before my mum but that's because they live in the area and my mum live's 150mile's away. Im sure your OH is just over reacting, as I'm sure his mother probably doesn't feel excluded at all, it's not like your saying she can't see LO until such and such time but your parent's can see LO any time. Hopefully your OH will see that he's being a total tool about the situation

 

[Pielette]

Personally I think the whole 'who gets to see the baby first' thing is a little immature. Does it really matter? They'll all get to see the baby fairly soon, I don't see why it matters if someone beats someone else to it.
As others have said, it's your labour and birth, and if you want your mum there during or quickly after that is YOUR decision. Going through delivery is crazily intense - I had my mum there too and I was so glad I did, I needed her! Some women really need their mums, I certainly did and she was a godsend, just like my husband.
He should be supporting you; you will have carried his baby for nine months and done all the hard work to give birth, you should be his priority, no-one else.

 

[pup1]

my parents both saw our LO before OHs Sorry inlaws thats just the way the cookie crumbles when its not your daughter.

I agree to this.... sorry inlaws that just the way the cookie crumbles !!!!! Im not your daughter !!!

 

[Fruitmash]

I don't think he understands what an ass he's being about it. If your mum it at the hospital with you, it's to be there for you when you need her. Meeting the baby first is more of a byproduct than reason for it. I do admit, I wanted my mum to meet our baby first (not to support me, just to hold her) but only because my mum has had a REALLY tough time lately. She's being worked to the bone and has lost both of her parents to smoking related cancers within 5 months of eachother, she needs something to smile about. If she's there first it's great, but the gall of anyone asking you to push someone else away?? Unacceptable. There is a difference between having a slight preference and excluding family (which is what he'll be doing). Same with the 2 day thing, it's something you both have to agree on, he can't tell you when. When my OH says something about my plans regarding labour etc. I tell him that when he pushes a baby from his crotch, he can do exactly as he pleases. But seeming as you're doing all you hard work, you've definatly earnt your say. Cheeky git.

 

[mum2b2009]

blimey poor you! my OH would have to be feeling very very brave or very very stupid to say such things to me!! you are the one giving birth so you are the one who says what goes..end off imo!

 

[EffyM]

hubby has already been instructed on teh order phone calls are to be made... and that his mother under no circumstances will be present by my side as i am giving birth regardless if my mom gets here in time or not!!!!
tell him the way its going to be and thats that... yes its going to be his baby too but the birth is all up to you hun!!

 

[babydustcass]

You are not her daughter, it doesn't work like that! If you want you mum there it's up to you!!! And if your mum is waiting outside to meet her new granbaby then that's up to you too!!! Honestly, whilst it may upset your mil, she or he has no right to dictate to you... Why does it matter?! It's a new baby

 

[GilmoreGirl]

Sorry they've put you in such a tight spot

In complete honesty, I have absolutely no idea if it was my parents or my hubby's that saw our last daughter first, so obviously it wasn't a hugely important thing to me at the time. It was whoever happened to get there first.... also... I have no memory of anyone asking if the OTHER had been there first either. I can't imagine anyone being disappointed meeting their grandchild, only because someone else had seen it first. Extremely immature imo. Remember you can always tell your wishes regarding vistors to the nurses and they will take care of the situation for you, if it really can't be settled before then.

Best wishes

 

[Lilac_cloud]

OH. MY. GOD. Un-bloody-believeable. Do you know what though, you're not the only one with a nightmare M-I-L. At the end of the day hun, YOU ARE THE ONE GIVING BIRTH ETC ETC, just tell your OH that the decision has to be joint and you don't want his mother round seeing the baby before your parents. It is NOT his decision to make!!! Plus I soo agree with you, she's just gonna want to come round and be f-ing entertained when all you're going to want to do is sort yourself out and have time with your baby. I don't know what advice to give you, sorry. I'm gearing myself up to have a similar convo with my hubby over Xmas. GREAT. Wish me luck! xxxxx

 

[lynnikins]

your birth hun so its your say, my mother was invauable to me during my first labour esp since MIL landed us with my SIL (11 yrs old at the time ) right for a week directly following my due date and i went overdue! it was very stressful and thankfully i was still in hospital when MIL needed DH to take SIL to meet her at the airport so me and Ds1 were saved from having a 2 hr car ride up to the airport so she could meet him caus i was not impressed and very unhappy with MIL and what she had done because DH didnt get to spend the time with me and DS1 ( who was in hospital for a week following birth for treament ) because he was on babysitting duty to his half sister.

 

[5-a-side]

I feel for you being in that situation.
Its right what some have said that mother's of the daughter giving birth just naturally seem to see the baby first. Its not favoritism just genes I think.
Make sure you let people know its more important how people follow up a commitment to baby and you and your DH rather than just "we saw baby first" rubbish, that means absolutely jack if the care and love isnt shown after.

 

[DebzD]

As wonderful as it is having a new baby, it can also be a bit stressful the first time round if you worry about am I feeding right, is it sleeping enough/not enough, is it warm enough/too warm, you don't need the added stress of trying to not hurt MILs feelings and I think you need to try to sit down and have that discussion with OH. My MIL/FIL turned up unexpectedly at the hospital 2 days after DD was born and it was just added stress I didn't need and I wasn't comfy BFing in front of them so had to try to find a nice way to ask them to leave the room - it was a bit of a nightmare - plus I already had visitors there that I was comfy with and I just wanted to chill out and enjoy my new bub. I think we are going to be setting some groundrules this time round and making sure they are known!

 

[mummylove]

OHs family saw DD b4 my family did but my family live 150 miles away

 

[shantel_18]

I think its terrible what your OH said to you. At the end of the day its upto you!! I've demanded that i dont want anyone there apart from my husband after the birth. As i want alone time with the 3 of us. I know my mom and dad wont be impressed, but at the end of the day its my child not theres. Good luck hun x

 

[ellebelle]

I think it's up to you.
I know I won't want to see anyone else's mother except my own after I give birth.