1/2 of us would like to be TTC...

[kc1980]

I wish that someone had warned me about this "switch" that was going to come on, but anyway. It just did, about 10 days ago, and I am ready to have a baby. My husband, on the other hand, isn't sure, and I totally see his perspective. He says that having a child changes everything, he likes his life the way it is, so I guess he's putting 2 & 2 together and thinks that a change might be bad.

Anyone else experienced this? i.e. husband that isn't sure that he's ready, while you are? I don't doubt that he would love our baby, but I don't want to pressure him into anything he may not want, or isn't 100% sure about. Is there any other way of testing to see if he's ready?? I tried asking him "What if I took a pregnancy test today & it came out positive? Without thinking about it, what is your gut reaction?"
His response? (after thinking, mind you...) "I'd probably say, ok, let's do this" (have the baby)

Any advice or suggestions welcome! thanks

 

[lozzy21]

Start a journal, if you OH is like mine you might be here for a while.

 

[magicvw]

Aw hun - you say your switch came on only 10 days ago? So it will take him a little time to get used to the idea, I'm sure! I was ready years before my DH (we've been together 16 years married for 5). I think it took a good year or so of me grumbling that I'd soon be too old to get pregnant before my dh decided he was ready (that's when we got married lol!) Hopefully your husband will be quicker off the mark It's difficult to test if a bloke is ready, because most of the time they haven't got a clue themselves I reckon. xxx

 

[Mrs. October]

Awww - well unfortunately the roles are reversed in my situation. My hubby has BEEN ready and I am the one dragging my feet. One thing that I can say to NOT do is to nag or coerce your hubby into wanting a baby. Let him come to the conclusion in his own time. You should want your DH to feel just as certain about the decision as you do - nothing is worse than having a baby that one spouse is not ready for. It will only lead to feelings of resentment. Listen to your hubby's fears and concerns and really try to understand where he is coming from when he says he wants to wait. Maybe by having a frank, open discussion (not a heated, emotional debate) your hubby can also see things from your perspective.

 

[kc1980]

thanks for the tips - i'll do my best not to push the topic. i do really want him to be as ready as me. i just don't want him to think that it's the same for him re. being ready, because a) i am younger than him and b) he's a man. i think that if he's not ever really _wanted_ kids before, it's not going to suddenly happen.

 

[Mrs Poppy]

I think many of us in wtt are in the same position. If only men had the same baby desires as us ladies!

 

[shambaby]

i think sometimes it just doesn't occur to men to want children until they are faced with a partner who does!

when i met my hubby (14 years ago) i already knew that one of the most important things i wanted to do in my life was to have children - lots of them! he on the other hand was adamant he didn't want any AT ALL, ever. it was his personal crusade to solve the problem of over-population by not reproducing. gradually, he conceded that it would be ok if every couple just had one baby, as the population would still decrease. now, he is comfortable with the idea of maintaining the current population - ie each couple should have 2 children. having spent a lot of time around my nieces and nephews i have reached the conclusion that 2 is probably enough for me too! i think that those same nieces and nephews have helped him to come around to the idea of children himself, to the point where i think he wants them almost as much as me.

what i'm trying to say is, give it time, be patient, and if the two of you are meant to be together you're bound to end up in the same place eventually. hope your OH is a bit quicker off the mark than mine! x

 

[lovehearts]

I know how you feel. I am ready to TTC but the OH wants to wait although he would be really happy if we did ( we are not being over cautious!) I have been feeling funny this week and asked him yesterday what he would do if i was pregnant to which he replied 'nothing - my decision would be made - i would def keep the baby' so why doesnt he want to TTC? I think he thinks i will turn in to a maniac following my cycles etc (which i do already!!) We sat down and had a big talk - i told him how ready i was but that i didnt want to push him in to anything and that when he was ready we would try. Since then i havnt been the one bringing up the baby conversations - he spent most of the day on monday doing baby quizzes on facebook! Now tell me thats mixed signals!!!!

 

[Kacie]

I wish that someone had warned me about this "switch" that was going to come on, but anyway. It just did,

You are soo right... it was exactly a switch that came on with me too... mine came on fully about 3 years ago now, but hubby didn't know the full extent of its power until a few months ago... he is completely dragging his feet.. but i can understand some of his reasons... some other of his reasons though are are just useless excuses from a panicked man afraid of losing sleep!

I talked to him awhile ago and he said that if i did fall pregnant then we would just cope with it and everything would be fine but I can't get him to turn that into a positive desire to TTC.

 

[kc1980]

hehe, reading the last 2 posts, I kind of understand how women end up going off birth-control without informing their partners, or push them into having a baby before the man is ready. I bet that most of the time, it ends up being OK, that men just need that final push, but there are still instances where men are bitter? Anyone have this experience? Wouldn't we _know_ if our men were going to end up hating fatherhood? Do any?

 

[bunnyg82]

awww yeh, I know how you feel! My switch came on about 2 years ago! I was happy to wait until I was 30, but then I turned 25 and all of a sudden, it just hit me. I wanted a baby so bad!!! Now the ball is in my court as I have to lose some weight before ttc, but it kills me waiting as when that switch goes, it's all you can think of! x