# Ugh.... I wanna but I'm too scared



## KamIAm

Hi Girls....

I'm gonna make this short and sweet.... :winkwink:

I can't shake these thoughts or feelings .... I have been battling with them for a while now and need help with them... I wanna TTC but I am terrified!!!!

My OH is leaving it up to me if and when we try...I REALLY REALLY wanna try NOW but everytime I think to myself, "this is it! this is the month kelly"... I immediately rush back to March 25, the day I lost Emma... and then I tell myself "No way!!!" Never again will I try.... That hurt TOO much.... Why would I put myself in risk for that to happen again??? But then I have this uncontrollable pull..... I wanna TTC! 

Is this just a normal feeling, that everyone has and then will just pass?? I keep telling myself that I don't really, that this is just a part of grieving the loss of Emma, the sudden end of my pregnancy.... I don't know....

If I would be given 100% chance of having a successful pregnancy, I'd done already jumped in,..... But I"m scared.....

THanks girls for listening/reading my crazy ramblings.... :hugs:

And here I said this was gonna be short and sweet,.... Ha, never from me:winkwink:


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## kiki04

I wanna try again too but I cant cuz OH got a vasectomy while I was pg and we lost her :cry:


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## Aunie

I know how you feel, i lost my baby at 18 weeks and it was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. When i think of finally being blessed with a baby, this painful journey will have been worth it. Keep your head up and take your time, you'll know when the time is right. I think being scared won't ever go away for ladies in our situation unfortunately, not completely at least


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## Nikki_d72

I feel the same way hon, totally sh *t scared. When the doc said we could go for it and DH agreed to try I was on a high for a wee while but then crashed again with the realisation that I was going to have to decide to do this - it would probably have been easier if he'd said we had to wait X amount of time and I could prepare. On the other hand, I want so badly to have a baby, my reasons for wanting another haven't changed and I don't want to look back in a few years with regret that we didn't even try because I was too scared. My age is against me and I have the additional thing of wanting to give my DD a sibling, there's a huge age gap already so I don't have time to think about it! I realise that I will be dealing with grief during any possible pregnancy and that's a bit unfair on any new baby but I just don't have the time to spare and I think any subsequent pregnancy is going to be fraught anyway.

I think it's totally normal to have a deep longing to be pregnant again and I presume none of your reasons for wanting your baby in the first place have changed either, so why wouldn't you? It's a pretty primeval urge, who are we to argue, eh?!

It's a totally personal decision and damned hard I know. I think you have to ask yourself which you'd regret more - trying again and something possibly (though not likely) going wrong again, or always wondering 'what could have been' if you don't try? I know what you mean about never wanting to go through anything like this again, I originally said "Never-ever" but the longing has overcome me. I still chop and change with the weather though. If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant I'll be terrified, I know, I can't think that far ahead, I'm trying to focus on now and I'll deal with it if it happens, or my head will explode.

Best of luck with whatever you decide, I'm glad your DH is on board for you and letting you decide in your own time.

xxx


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## mhazzab

Hiya K! (not sure if I am allowed to use your full name for security reasons, lol.)

I agree with the others, I think you will know when the time is right, when your desire for another child is stronger than your fear of something bad happening again. At least, that is what happened to me.  I think Nikki got it right, ask yourself what you would regret more?

I'd love to hear that you are trying again, but only you know what's right for you and when you feel ready

:hugs:

xxx


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## Andypanda6570

You all have given me great advice and Kelly you also, you told me would i regret not trying more than being terrified and I said YES so that is why I am trying. I am terrified also and for me it is bad cause I am up there at age 41 :cry::cry::cry::cry: all of you encourage me so if you really feel the need then you must do it. I think we are all different but for me it has been over 7 months and my need to try again has never went away :cry::cry:
My boobs hurt I am nausea and constipated but is it all in my head????? It may be I don't know. I don't have long kelly, I am only trying till maybe the latest January :cry::cry::cry: I will be 42 in June (I don't feel that old) but for me and only me I think 42 is pushing it so if i don't get pregnant by January then I am finished, I close the book and I move on. But you have a lot of good years and I know you are so scared but I just know it will not happen again you will be ok I know it.
So think hard and weigh all your options before you close your book..
XOOXOX Love you xoxoxoxxoo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Your feelings are completely understandable hun. I think we all feel the way you do and regardless of how much time has passed whenever any of us get pregnant again we will be terrified. I am ttc this cycle and although I am absolutely terrified i can't let my fears stop me from having another baby because that is what myself, my OH and DD want more than anything in the world. For me the desire to have another baby is too great so I'm not going to let the fear of being pregnant stop me and have decided to have fun ttc. :haha:

Do what you think is best for you hun whether that be waiting another while or going ahead with it. We are all here to support you whatever you decide. :kiss:


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## Rukky

GO FOR IT DEAR! its better to try than later on regret not trying,wish u all the best!:thumbup:


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## Hellylou

Hey, lovely :hugs:

We ALL understand the fear - we know exactly how it felt going through 2nd tri loss, and none of us ever want to be there again. And any future pregnancy will never be free of stress and fear because of it.

It's entirely up to you and your OH what you decide to do, and you will know what is right. It sounds to me like you really want it though. I know there are no guarantees, but if you cling on to that urge to try again and your reasons for it, and try to put aside the fear as best you can, perhaps that urge will outweigh the terror enough to just go for it.

I know for me, my reasons for not trying again will be because I can't for health reasons, so if that becomes the situation, I will have to accept it and move on. If I find that my health is up to the challenge, I will go for it. I will be terrified, just like you, but I know that for me, I need to try again. I don't want that terrible experience to be the last time if I can possibly help it. So unless docs say no, I'm going for it.

Go with your heart. It is never going to be an easy ride for any of us, taking the step to TTC again, but it can and does go well for others, and we just have to believe it will for us too. 

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Cassie10

I know exactly what you mean. I want a baby so badly but whenever I think about the chance of this all happening again I get so sick. The thought of even being pregnant again absolutely terrifies me! 

It is so strange because that is all I wanted to for so long...and we tried so hard but now I can't seem to shake the fear. I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way... I mean we know so much now. For a lack of better words ignorance is bliss. I never thought about what all could go wrong in a pregnancy until it actually happened. Now it is all I think about...

I look up to women who TTC after a loss... I am not strong enough yet but for those who make the choice to try again I feel they are brave and very courageous!


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## KamIAm

THank you all..... You girls are amazing! :flower:

It is a crazy thought, feeling that I have been feeling for a long time, that isn't going away... 

I am just completely terrified... AND another BIG reason I am on the fence about it.... I have 4 living children! I have a beautiful family I have been blessed with.... I was previously married, we had children, then he changed his mind and we divorced... I have been with my OH for last 4 years, he loves and treats my children as his BUT he has never had any children of his own and he would love to have one.... He is older than me , so time is a lil bit of an issue with us as well... I am 33, he is 45... So, we are on the down hill slide also... BUT my biggest fear is.... Each pregnancy I have been blessed with, each child comes earlier and earlier... My child before Emma, His name is Ethan, (he's 8 now) and he was born at 26 weeks gestation, weighting 2lbs and 5oz... Preterm labor , that''s all they said was the reason.. No one mentioned about IC, incompetent cervix... and once it started happening with Emma, that term was thrown out there at me... SO, what's that mean??? Every pregnancy that I have, they will keep coming earlier and earlier??? That is what it seems to me... So, with those cold hard facts, it makes me think and put on the brakes....

I know with each of my past pregnancies, I didn't slow down, stay off my feet... I couldn't I had to work and do everything.... But my situation is a lot different now... I am not working... My children are older (16, 14, 9 &8) ..I would be able to stay off my feet, so this is where I am getting these tiny glimpses of hope....

I don't know... I sometimes think I am being greedy, asking for too much... Like I said, I have been blessed with 4 living, healthy children, so I think I should be happy with what God has given me....

I dunno:shrug:.... I still wanna add to our big ol' family tho... :shrug:


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## Cassie10

No hun you are not being greedy at all!! Once you're ready you go ahead and add to your big ol' family! :thumbup:


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## KamIAm

Thanks Cassie :flower:

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## daopdesign

I know exactly how you feel and look at me now pregnant again and worried but I can't allow myself emotionally to attach to this baby as I am so petrefied of losing it. I know that sounds awful but until/if I get into delivery suite I won't be happy.

In a way, if I am going to m/c again I'd rather it just hurry up an happen because the thought of going through a delivery like that again makes my stomach churn :(

Maybe the best way to move forward is to go with what feels right x


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## KamIAm

THank you Hon' ....

Thank you for sharing your worries, and your thoughts, ecspecially now that you are preg now.... How far along are you?? Forgive me, I didn't read your tickers, just hurried to reply back :winkwink:

I would be devastated and also for feeling guilty for putting my OH and my children through another loss, if that happened... Once I lost Emma, my children bounced right back, and as long as they seen mom was ok , they was ok... but I wouldn't wanna put any stress or strain on my family....

Ugh...

Just doing some soul searching and thinking.... :hugs:


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## kiki04

That is a huge fear of mine also is putting the children through it again. My 4 yr old daughter says quite often "Mommy, I want to go to heaven so I can be with my baby sister.... and I know you have to die to go there" OH MY GOODNESS!! :cry: How do you answer that?! Or she will ask me "Mommy, do you want to go to heaven so you can be with Hadlee?" That I say, "But then I wouldnt get to see you and that would make me sad too honey" :cry: My boys bounced back pretty good. They still share with peopel they had another sibling but they went to heaven cuz they got sick and I love that they still acknowledge her. But Kenadie... it broke her. Completely ripped her to pieces :cry: I want to TTC so badly as well... and we will soon, I hope, but I wont be telling my kids for as long as I can hide it, in case the unthinkable happens again :(

So I think we all understand and SHARE your worries and fears and you are very justified to feel this way :hugs: 

Daop-I really wish for you so much nothing but a H&H 9 months until you are holding your sweet baby :cloud9: I cant wait to hear all about it :hugs:


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## Cassie10

kiki04 said:


> My 4 yr old daughter says quite often "Mommy, I want to go to heaven so I can be with my baby sister.... and I know you have to die to go there" OH MY GOODNESS!! :cry: How do you answer that?! Or she will ask me "Mommy, do you want to go to heaven so you can be with Hadlee?"

Oh my gosh... That breaks my heart! :cry: I absolutely adore your little girls name BTW... Hadlee is such a precious name!


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## KamIAm

I agree... "IF" we try again, I most certainly will not be telling anyone for as long as I don't have too... Well of course, except for you girls:flower: I'm sure you will be 2nd to know, right after OH ... LOL

Mine children are a lil older, and I can explain a lil differently from your 4 yr old.. That is such a hard age, hard to explain ... 

Mine go with me to the cemetery, they make things for Emma, we all send balloons and stuff to her. I do hate when they see me sad, the first thing they think of is.. "are you sad about Emma"... then they get a look of worry... 

Lots to think about ... When I lost Emma, my doctor was telling me about having a cerclage placed as well as the 17p injections I was already recieving during my preg with Em'... I dunno....


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## kiki04

Cassie10 said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> My 4 yr old daughter says quite often "Mommy, I want to go to heaven so I can be with my baby sister.... and I know you have to die to go there" OH MY GOODNESS!! :cry: How do you answer that?! Or she will ask me "Mommy, do you want to go to heaven so you can be with Hadlee?"
> 
> Oh my gosh... That breaks my heart! :cry: I absolutely adore your little girls name BTW... Hadlee is such a precious name!Click to expand...

Thank you :flower: It means Heather meadows, which is where I like to think she is running around... through a field of flowers, in a white dress and flowers in her hair :flower: Peaceful and happy :cloud9:


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## kiki04

KamIAm said:


> I agree... "IF" we try again, I most certainly will not be telling anyone for as long as I don't have too... Well of course, except for you girls:flower: I'm sure you will be 2nd to know, right after OH ... LOL
> 
> Mine children are a lil older, and I can explain a lil differently from your 4 yr old.. That is such a hard age, hard to explain ...
> 
> Mine go with me to the cemetery, they make things for Emma, we all send balloons and stuff to her. I do hate when they see me sad, the first thing they think of is.. "are you sad about Emma"... then they get a look of worry...
> 
> Lots to think about ... When I lost Emma, my doctor was telling me about having a cerclage placed as well as the 17p injections I was already recieving during my preg with Em'... I dunno....

Isnt a cerclage just like a couple stitches put in place to prevent you from dilating?


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## MummyStobe

hi hun
Don't feel greedy about wanting to add to your family. If you want to to try again and you're feeling strong enough then you go for it girl. I think you'll be terrified during any future pregnancy whether you catch next month or next year, the fear of something going wrong will always be with you but don't let it put you off. Do whatever is right for you and your family.
I'm still waiting for my first earth baby so I know I'm going to have to dig really deep and find the strength to get through another pregnancy to have the family that I am so desperate for. I want a family so bad that I told my DH that I'd go through it 50 times if I was guaranteed to get a baby in the end but as we all know too well there are no guarantees in life. xx

Daop I wish you all the best for this pregnancy, keeping my fingers crossed that you'll have a h&h 9 months x

Kiki that is a lovely way to think of your daughter. I'm sure she is smiling down on you from her field of flowers x


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## KamIAm

Wow, thank you ... You are truly a strong woman ... please share some of that strength and bravery with me OK :winkwink:

Max is a lucky lil dude to have you as his mom ...:hugs:

I would absolutely LOVE to try again NOW... Just terrified this will happen again.... 

After reading everyone's love and support ... I am leaning towards trying... I am NOT gonna tell ANYONE, except you girls :shhh: Sooo, I guess we'll see... I was trying to figure out my lovely monthly calendar, something I have never done... LOL... I should be ovulating this week! It says Friday is MY day :sex: SOOO we'll see.... Lots of thoughts, feelings and doubts floating around :flower:

You girls are THE best... I honestly don't even wanna think about where or how I'd be without you all!!!:hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hmmm?? Just might have to add one of those ticker thingys to help me keep track of my monthly junk, just in case ... :winkwink:


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## KamIAm

KamIAm said:


> Hmmm?? Just might have to add one of those ticker thingys to help me keep track of my monthly junk, just in case ... :winkwink:

Holy Crap ... Yea... I guess I figured it out right ... I guess my body is ready this week like I thought :winkwink:


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## MummyStobe

Thank you. The support that you give to everyone else is amazing too. I feel lucky to have found such amazing supportive people on this site.
Every now and then I get this strange feeling of comfort and strength and I like to think it is Max telling me everything is going to be ok.
Being a mum and having a family is the only thing I have ever wanted. I'm not career minded at all. I'm quite happy working as a legal secretary/pa but I have no desire to study law and become a lawyer. I'm not materalistic, as long as we have enough money to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table then I'm happy. The simple things in life keep me happy. But the one thing that I do long for is a baby of my own to hold in my arms and look after. I know I'll make a fantastic mum, I just need to be given the chance to prove it. x


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## kiki04

Get at it chickie!!! :happydance:


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## MummyStobe

This is a link to my inspirational song. Something Inside So Strong. My dad and his girlfriend are members of the Rock Choir and I just love this version. I have it on my ipod and listen to it regularly

https://youtu.be/FNvGFNBZKFE


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## DueSeptember

KamIAm said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Hmmm?? Just might have to add one of those ticker thingys to help me keep track of my monthly junk, just in case ... :winkwink:
> 
> Holy Crap ... Yea... I guess I figured it out right ... I guess my body is ready this week like I thought :winkwink:Click to expand...

*HAHAHA BETTER START NOW *


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## Nikki_d72

Hey Kam, Have you ever read the thread on Gestational Complications, about IC/Threatened preterm labour/Cerclage etc? it's very long, I've not read all of it but there are lots of ladies on there who have had cerclages placed very successfully. One lady had twins with a cercalge and got though it, she's a wealth of info and really great at helping other ladies - her name is Lizziedripping, I think you should go and look her up and ask her some of your Q's to help you in your decision-making. She seems to like helping other ladies through it, I'm sure she'll be more than happy to help you. did your consultant say what they would do for you in future pregnancies at all? Mine said monitoring the cervix with transvaginal ultrasound weekly from 10 weeks and cerclage placement if any changes noted but I've not got a definite case of IC. The progesterone shots are somewhat unproven, but many seem to think they work well in combination with cerclage. Don't feel guilty about wanting more children, like you say you would be more able to slow down this time too - it sounds like you'd have to plan for bed rest, I'm sure the other kids would be a great help to you if you had to. All the best xxx

Daop, wishing you a H&H 9 months. Thanks for sharing with us, I think hearing about other pregnancies warts-and-all is a great help so thank you. I hope we can help support you through all your fearful days.

Kiki, that just brough tears to my eyes, it's lovely. One of my angel sons is called Hayden, which means "heather covered hill". 

MummyStobe, I hope you get the chance soon, you are a mummy to lovely Max and he's got a great Mum. I hope you get your rainbow brother or sister for him soon though. 

Thinking of all you lovely ladies, Ihope we can all get through this somehow. xxx


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## KamIAm

Wow... Thank you SOOO much Nikki... You have been amazing!!:flower:


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## KamIAm

Hello Ladies :flower:

Today is a GREAT day ...:winkwink:

I am babysitting a good friends lil one today... He is only 7 weeks, this isn't my first time keeping him so his mommy can work, I started keeping him when he was 5 weeks old, and I usually only keep him 1 day a week..

I must confess.... When she first asked if I'd be interested, I immediately thought "Heck no!".... but I thought I'd try it once and see how it goes... Well I love it!!! I love everything about him!! Even tho he is a lil fuss butt, I love it..:happydance::happydance:

His mom, my friends keeps asking if keeping him is hurting me or making me want to TTC again... Honestly, it doesnt upset me at all keeping him for some reason, I love it...and I then told her, me keeping him is making me NOT wanna TTC again LOL.... I don't wanna tell anyone that I DO, I DO... The first time the baby was here my OH didn't like the idea, at all! He thought it wasnt gonna be a good thing, he didn't want nothing to do with him... But this morning when my friend dropped him off and left, my OH was still in bed and hollered for me to bring baby to him.... They has some bonding time, it was the cutest thing! He loves the baby! It did make me have a twinge when I first walked in and seen him craddling the baby in bed with him...but seeing the look in my OH's eyes and the smile on his face... and hearing him talking to the baby...:kiss:

Yep.... I think we are full throttle on board with the baby making.....:winkwink:

We talk all the time bout the risks and potential heart ache ...but we are just gonna see what happens and go from there:flower::flower:

I'll definately keep y'all posted ....

:happydance: :winkwink:


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## babylou

I am so pleased for you. I hope to start feeling positive enough to try again soon. I know I will. :winkwink:

:hugs::hugs:xxx


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## kiki04

I am so glad you made this decision... otherwise I was going to have to smack you with all the exact same love and support you have been tossing out in Andreas thread ;) Sometimes you need to take your own advice :hugs:


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## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Yep.... I think we are full throttle on board with the baby making.....:winkwink:


OOOHH I am so happy to hear you say this :happydance:

good luck, and have fun ;)

xxx


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## Hellylou

That's great news!

It's lovely how a friend's new baby can bring such positivity and hope in the wake of such heartache and sorrow. I'm so glad he has brought you to this decision together.:hugs:

Good luck! :dust:


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## Nikki_d72

Yay! So happy you have decided! Kiki's right, you are so great and positive for everyone else, you need to apply the same to yourself! 

Good luck and enjoy!! XXX


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## KamIAm

Thanks Nikki!

I made a ticker and it says I should be ovulating now.... but now that I have seen that and KNOW that I am right NOW.... The fear just increased by a million! UGHH... Wish this fear would subside just a bit ... I am too scared to completely commit to the decision .... I really want to ...just scared to death...:shrug::shrug:

How many of you ladies are TTC right now?? If so, how do you over come this fear..or over come enough to start at it ..... 

Thanks SOOO much!!!

It's been a lil quiet around here today... hope you all are doing ok :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

I was exactly the same hon, I am TTC this month, albeit a bit half-heartedly. I'm kind of in the mind that if it's meant to be, it will happen, so only roughly looked for signs of OV and tried to BD around then, but I'm not going about it with as much gusto as I did before! I didn't have strong signs this month so doubt it will happen for us yet anyway but in some ways a wee 'practice run' will be a good thing, hehe!

The first month we had discussed it, after the follow-uo appt with the OB and agreed that we both wanted to try again (despite us both saying never again at first) and after we'd "decided" I was too crippled with the reality and the fear to do anything about it, so this was the first month we'd even DTD at all (poor DH!!). 

I know exactly where you're at, give yourself time to get used to the idea, though I've just kind of 'shut my eyes and jumped' IYKWIM! As I feel I'll never do it otherwise. I don't have age on my side so can't mess about and my DD is 8, nearly 9 and desperately wants to be sister (she's never ever adjusted to being an only, it's strange) so have just jumped in before I'm ready, really. it's now or never. let's face it, I don't think any of us will ever really be ready anyway, will we? 

That's my way of dealing with it, I have swung every way every day though, but now I'm actively sortof trying, I actually feel better. It's something else to focus on too, which is no bad thing. I know I'll have a heap of other emotions to deal with if we're lucky enough to conceive, but I can't think that far ahead, I've kept it in manageable chunks in my head, y'know?! One step at a tine or I'll lose the plot!

I hope you can settle a bit hon, be prepared to get more scared once the decision is made, I was but had to just move through it. xxx


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## KamIAm

Nikki~ reading your post, was like reading my mind .... half heartedly trying this month ... That is where we are at the moment... Not obsessing, or overly tracking everything and BD'ing at just the right times.. At first, we are just gonna see what happens, see if nature takes it course... I have noticed a huge shift in my thoughts and focus as well.... I am more optimistic...

So, guess we'll have some practice runs this month :sex: and see where we end up ....:kiss:

Good luck and keep me posted :flower:

Xoxo


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## Nikki_d72

Good luck to you too and keep me posted also! xxx


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## KamIAm

Deal :thumbup:

:hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Get bonking hun. LOL. 

As Nikki said we are ttc this month also but kind of half heartedly too. We're just going to :sex: round the time I think I am ovulating and hope for the best. Today is my fertile week but I haven't noticed any changes in CM yet? I wonder does that mean it won't happen.


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## collie_crazy

Oooh K I have just seen this thread and read all of the pages... I am so happy that you have decided to TTC your rainbow :hugs:

We are TTC too... and I know only to well how scary it all is. 

I sit and think sometimes that if I were to suffer another loss it would be the end of me... I honestly dont know how I would cope. But then I think about how desperately I have always wanted a family and it sort of spurs me on. Absolutely millions of babies are born healthy all the time surely its our turn to have just one of those? :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Well Ladies...... According to my ticker ... I ovulate today:happydance::happydance: ... LOL 

Sooo, guess well see what happens .. :winkwink::winkwink:

I tried to wake my honey up "nicely" this morning... Needless to say, He ISN"T a morning person.. Poopy :haha:

I must confess.... Since we aren't gonna go at this the obsessed, crazed way...just gonna have fun and see where we end up.... This is rather nice :winkwink:

I honestly thought that once I made the decision, or said it outloud, or typed it... I thought I'd feel guilty, as if I'm replacing Emma... But honestly, I have never had those feelings or thoughts... Is that normal?? SHould I be worried... Great, now I'm feeling a teeny tiny bit guilty for NOT feeling guilty! LOL :wacko:

I don't know, I am just feeling and reacting totally different as I thought or planned....

Happy Humping :winkwink: :sex:

Yazoo... We are on the same schedule ... This is my "good" week ..
Good Luck Hon'!!!

:dust::dust::dust:


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## jaykay

Hi,

I'm really glad you've decided to go for ttc again. We lost our baby Alex on the 1st of September, and have started ttc again this month. I'm terrified of becoming pregnant again aswell, and I knew if I didn't start ttc soon, I might not want to at all. But, the love I have in my heart for a baby outweighs the fear. Also I'm very comforted with the many stories I've heard about women who have experienced loses at different stages, and then have gone on to have perfectly healthy babies.

Good luck with the :sex:!!! I hope you get your BFP soon xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Well said Collie!

Good luck all!!


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## Andypanda6570

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Hope you get you BFP soon.. I am so excited for you................
XOXOXOXO Love You, Kell...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hellooooooo Friends :hugs:

How is everyone today??? Hope you all are enjoying your weekend!!:flower:

Well, figured I would update y'all a bit on our baby makin' mission :kiss:

Well, Ovulation for this month is finally over... Wheww.. Good Grief, Never thought it would be this funny, hilarious, and exhausting.. LOL!!!:haha: But we made it.... We actually didn't do so well this time... We found it difficult to perform with purpose now..Hahaha... Lots of pressure, it was quite funny.. So, we actually only hit the sheets 3 & 4 days prior to THE big "O" day and then 1 day after.... Only when we WANTED :serenade:

To be honest, we both are glad that is over... LOL!!!!:rofl:

So, guess we'll see.... Think this was a good test run ... 

To Be Continued.....

:dust::dust::dust:

Thanks girls for ALL your love and support ...AND keep me posted with all y'alls progress.....

Happy Humping Friends :hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Thanks girls for ALL your love and support ...AND keep me posted with all y'alls progress.....
> 
> Happy Humping Friends :hugs::hugs:

Well done getting some action in around the special date! :haha: Got my fingers crossed for you now!!

As for keeping you posted with my progress...check out my new sig :)

xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! No, I am NOT breathing!!!

Yes, I am jumping up and down!!!! :happydance::happydance:

When did you find out??? How are you feeling??? Have you told OH?? OMG, details!!! details!!! :happydance:

I am BEYOND excited for you hon' ..... Please keep us posted!!!!!!

:happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! No, I am NOT breathing!!!
> 
> Yes, I am jumping up and down!!!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> When did you find out??? How are you feeling??? Have you told OH?? OMG, details!!! details!!! :happydance:
> 
> I am BEYOND excited for you hon' ..... Please keep us posted!!!!!!
> 
> :happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:

I found out on Monday, I wasn't sure whether to put something on here or not, it felt a bit uncomfortable, if you know what I mean, given the forum, but I suppose this thread is as good as any! Couldn't resist when I saw your message above, lol.

I had a dream Sunday night that I got my BFP, so I tested when I got up in the morning, got the shock of my life when it came up positive! Poor OH had gone to bed late so I had to wake him up and tell him! (same thing happened last time too, lol)

My dad is terminally ill, and he cried with happiness when we told him...he said I had made him the happiest man on the planet :happydance:

feeling exhausted and sick but am a very happy girl :)


----------



## Nikki_d72

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! No, I am NOT breathing!!!
> 
> Yes, I am jumping up and down!!!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> When did you find out??? How are you feeling??? Have you told OH?? OMG, details!!! details!!! :happydance:
> 
> I am BEYOND excited for you hon' ..... Please keep us posted!!!!!!
> 
> :happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:
> 
> I found out on Monday, I wasn't sure whether to put something on here or not, it felt a bit uncomfortable, if you know what I mean, given the forum, but I suppose this thread is as good as any! Couldn't resist when I saw your message above, lol.
> 
> I had a dream Sunday night that I got my BFP, so I tested when I got up in the morning, got the shock of my life when it came up positive! Poor OH had gone to bed late so I had to wake him up and tell him! (same thing happened last time too, lol)
> 
> My dad is terminally ill, and he cried with happiness when we told him...he said I had made him the happiest man on the planet :happydance:
> 
> feeling exhausted and sick but am a very happy girl :)Click to expand...

Oh I'm so happy for you! Brilliant, brilliant. The bit about your Dad has just made me fill up, that's so lovely. Wishing you all the best of luck and love for the next 9 months xxx Nikki


----------



## KamIAm

I am soooo glad you said something!!!!!!! :happydance:

Yea, I know, the forum in which we all met in, BUT we are all friends... through out anything, everything... So, just because you are expecting now, you DO NOT vanish from us... :winkwink:

That is absolutely wild that you had a dream the prior night!!! WOW!!!! Amazing!!! Well, you and baby will be in my daily prayers and thoughts!! :hugs: AND please, keep us (ME) updated with everything, how you are feeling, your appointments... EVERYTHING!!:hugs:

:hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! No, I am NOT breathing!!!
> 
> Yes, I am jumping up and down!!!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> When did you find out??? How are you feeling??? Have you told OH?? OMG, details!!! details!!! :happydance:
> 
> I am BEYOND excited for you hon' ..... Please keep us posted!!!!!!
> 
> :happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:
> 
> I found out on Monday, I wasn't sure whether to put something on here or not, it felt a bit uncomfortable, if you know what I mean, given the forum, but I suppose this thread is as good as any! Couldn't resist when I saw your message above, lol.
> 
> I had a dream Sunday night that I got my BFP, so I tested when I got up in the morning, got the shock of my life when it came up positive! Poor OH had gone to bed late so I had to wake him up and tell him! (same thing happened last time too, lol)
> 
> My dad is terminally ill, and he cried with happiness when we told him...he said I had made him the happiest man on the planet :happydance:
> 
> feeling exhausted and sick but am a very happy girl :)Click to expand...

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: THOSE ARE HAPPY TEARS!!!!!!
OMGGGGGGGGGG I am SOOOoooooooooo excited for you, congratulations!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: It could not of happened to a nicer person , I am so happy right now.I wish you so much luck and love... You are in my thoughts and I am sending SOOOOOooo many kisses to you...What a wonderful day I am having since I saw your news...
XOXOOXXOOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Oh wow!!!! I am actually sitting here teary-eyed for you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I am so happy for you! A wee rainbow :happydance: Hopefully we will all be following in your footsteps very soon! 

I am 2dpo now and still feeling positive! Hopefully it continues :headspin:


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Oh wow!!!! I am actually sitting here teary-eyed for you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I am so happy for you! A wee rainbow :happydance: Hopefully we will all be following in your footsteps very soon!
> 
> I am 2dpo now and still feeling positive! Hopefully it continues :headspin:

XOXOOX Wishing all the best for you... :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Collie!! I am 2 dpo as well!! Man, we are are right together ain't we!!!:happydance:

Well, I am starting to really wonder, leaning more towards just being sick....

My complaints are..... body aches, headache, gas/ diarrhea, increase CM and now a teeny tiny fever ( running a lil hot tonight) ... Hmmm?? Guess I am gonna have to google LOL :winkwink: 

Collie, keep in touch with me!! Let me know what and how your feeling!!! :hugs:

Ooooo, Good Luck Babe!!!

:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## Hellylou

This is such a lovely thread to read...mhazzab congratulations, that is the best news ever! I am thrilled for you, and wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months ahead. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

And all these lovely angel mums who are TTC right now...I am keeping everything crossed hoping for more wonderful news from all of you. If ever there were people who deserve some happy news it is you :dust:

I will be checking in constantly for more news. This is just lovely to read. :happydance:


----------



## yazoo

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Thanks girls for ALL your love and support ...AND keep me posted with all y'alls progress.....
> 
> Happy Humping Friends :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Well done getting some action in around the special date! :haha: Got my fingers crossed for you now!!
> 
> As for keeping you posted with my progress...check out my new sig :)
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

Ahhh Mhazzab, i have just seen this. CONGRATULATIONS. That is excellent. :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


----------



## yazoo

How are the symptoms today K?? I am on CD 14 today and i don't know if I have ovulated or not. I am getting negatives on OPKs. I think we will be out for this month tbh but we'll see. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Gooooood Morning Friends!!! :flower:

Well a lil update on how I'm feeling..... I'm actually a bit confused, well honestly a lot confused ..

All evening I felt horrible, like I was definately getting sick (flu) even had a slight temperature, sooo totally had myself convinced I really was getting sick and was completely fine with that, like I said, heck first few months I'm considering total practice LOL :winkwink: BUT... My temp went away quickly on it's own, no medicine and this morning I am feeling back to normal again, except for a tiny headache & body aches and some killer gas (sorry, TMI) LOL :shy: ...

So, now I'm back to the drawing board of "that wondering".... Starting to really wonder.... Hmmmm :shrug:

Another HUGE thing ( I'm totally thinking this is ALL mental, so I'm all good :winkwink:) Is.... I am a HUGE, Biggest Pepsi drinker... I "HAVE!!!" to have it in the mornings (my coffee) and throughout my day... BUT during my preg with Emma it tasted terrible to me and all I wanted was fruity drinks/juices AND here I go, My pepsi (soda) tasted awful and I am currently sucking down strawberry flavored water!!! :dohh: .... Hahaha ... 

I'm sure I am just another casuality of that wicked mind running full throttle .. :winkwink: Just wanted to type this out and share sooo we can keep an eye and also help others in this craziness... :flower:

THanks friends for allowing me to share .... AND please.... If my rantings about ttc is hurting anyone or upsetting anyone here please just private message me and I will most definately pipe down in this section :hugs::hugs:

:dust::dust:

Good Luck You all ... 

And mhazzab- Keep up posted on how your feeling!!!! :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

See I felt things also.The biggest for me was my BOOBIES :blush: they never ever hurt so when they did I thought for sure I was. I was upset but now I am ok and I am ready to accept that it may be this way for me for awhile, it could take 1 month or 6 months I don't know. So I can't sit here and think maybe you are or maybe you aren't . I KNOW THE MIND DOES PLAY TRICKS ON US, BUT THEN AGAIN it could be your time and I hope and pray it is :hugs::hugs::hugs:.
I know when I was pregnant and had no idea I did feel like I was getting my AF that is why I had no clue, only had nausea a little I never vomited. So I really had no signs and I was. This time I had every sign :haha::haha: and I wasn't.
We all are different, I just want you to know I am pulling for you, I want this so bad for you.. I hope you are, ...XOOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Is there any way you could have got pregnant last months cycle even though you weren't "trying"? No actually scrap that coz you would ahve had your period wouldn't you. Duh. Blonde moment. :haha:

To be honest hun and I hope you don't mind me saying but if you only ovulated the other day it is very unlikely that you would be having symptoms yet (that is unless you actually ovulated earlier) 

I'm really rooting for you this month. :hugs:


----------



## kiki04

I am going to be onboard with you soon enough and I am very excited to symptom spot with you girls!! :happydance: I just hope Andrea changes her mind about stopping after 3 months :brat: At least try til your 42nd bday... then maybe all 3 of us can be PG BUDDIES!! :dance: All sharing our losses and our rainbows together :hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> THanks friends for allowing me to share .... AND please.... If my rantings about ttc is hurting anyone or upsetting anyone here please just private message me and I will most definately pipe down in this section :hugs::hugs:
> 
> And mhazzab- Keep up posted on how your feeling!!!! :happydance:

I'm also a wee bit worried about talking about my pregnancy on here, as I don't want to be insensitive so if I ever do cause any upset, please let me know. I still get upset when I see pregnant ladies and babies around the age mine should be, and don't even talk to me about twins, unless you want lots of tears...:hugs:

I've had a bit of a stressful weekend, my dad has terminal cancer and was rushed to hospital on Saturday with pneumonia...we were told it was 50/50 whether he would pull through and we should consider making the necessary phonecalls, but, in his true 'I'm a fighter' style, he got home this afternoon! I really don't know where he gets his strength from! So, sorry I haven't been around much the last few days.

Other than that, tiredness and nausea, I'm great! lol. Going to see my GP tomorrow to ask to be referred to the consultant so I can find out what extra care we will get this time, plus, I have some questions I want clarified from the test results we got. 

keep us all updated on the TTC front, I love reading how everyone is getting on xx


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> I am going to be onboard with you soon enough and I am very excited to symptom spot with you girls!! :happydance: I just hope Andrea changes her mind about stopping after 3 months :brat: At least try til your 42nd bday... then maybe all 3 of us can be PG BUDDIES!! :dance: All sharing our losses and our rainbows together :hugs:

I'm so happy to hear you will be trying soon too, Kiki, I would love to hear you are pregnant with a little rainbow brother or sister for Hadlee and your other children xx


----------



## kiki04

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> THanks friends for allowing me to share .... AND please.... If my rantings about ttc is hurting anyone or upsetting anyone here please just private message me and I will most definately pipe down in this section :hugs::hugs:
> 
> And mhazzab- Keep up posted on how your feeling!!!! :happydance:
> 
> I'm also a wee bit worried about talking about my pregnancy on here, as I don't want to be insensitive so if I ever do cause any upset, please let me know. I still get upset when I see pregnant ladies and babies around the age mine should be, and don't even talk to me about twins, unless you want lots of tears...:hugs:
> 
> I've had a bit of a stressful weekend, my dad has terminal cancer and was rushed to hospital on Saturday with pneumonia...we were told it was 50/50 whether he would pull through and we should consider making the necessary phonecalls, but, in his true 'I'm a fighter' style, he got home this afternoon! I really don't know where he gets his strength from! So, sorry I haven't been around much the last few days.
> 
> Other than that, tiredness and nausea, I'm great! lol. Going to see my GP tomorrow to ask to be referred to the consultant so I can find out what extra care we will get this time, plus, I have some questions I want clarified from the test results we got.
> 
> keep us all updated on the TTC front, I love reading how everyone is getting on xxClick to expand...

I am so sorry to hear about your dad :cry: But what a fighter!!! :hugs:

And I am totally OK hearing about your pg... I am beyond thrilled whenever I hear of anyone getting their rainbow cuz I know how wonderful that moment will be for me in 2-4 months when we start TTC and I get a BFP... I am sure all of us want to share in your happiness cuz we know your pain :hugs:

And thanks! I cant wait to get on that train. I am guessing by Feb at the latest we should be ready to TTC :thumbup:


----------



## KamIAm

I am extremely sorry to hear about your dady... Hmm? Strength?? Well I see that runs in your family... :hugs:

I am glad to hear you are going to doctor soon and get referred to a specialist SOON ... Gotta keep a close eye on you lil missy :winkwink:

Kiki... I am soooo happy to hear you say you guys will start first part of next year!! That is sooo exciting!:happydance: I too am hoping Andrea will keep at it at least til her 42 bday as well, Heck I think longer! LOL :winkwink:

yazoo, thanks for the info! I appreciate all I can get!!

Yes, our minds play crazy tricks on us don't it LOL..:wacko: coo coo coo coo 

Well folks, To Be Continued..... :flower:


----------



## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Thanks girls for ALL your love and support ...AND keep me posted with all y'alls progress.....
> 
> Happy Humping Friends :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Well done getting some action in around the special date! :haha: Got my fingers crossed for you now!!
> 
> As for keeping you posted with my progress...check out my new sig :)
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

Congratulations mhazzab, really pleased for you. Got my fingers crossed for a H&H 9 months for you. Seeing your good news has helped boost my positive thoughts about getting pregnant again.

We've started ttc again this month, well more ntnp really but that is how we have got pregnant both times before, I've never used opk or tracked temps etc, so we're sticking with our go with the flow method. Based on my cycle I should be ovulating at the end of this week so we're getting plenty of :sex: in at the moment :blush:

Look forward to hearing about everyone's progress and will add mine in due course.

Big hugs to all the amazing ladies on here :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

I just can't wait to be joining you all on the TTC journey...very exciting :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> THanks friends for allowing me to share .... AND please.... If my rantings about ttc is hurting anyone or upsetting anyone here please just private message me and I will most definately pipe down in this section :hugs::hugs:
> 
> And mhazzab- Keep up posted on how your feeling!!!! :happydance:
> 
> I'm also a wee bit worried about talking about my pregnancy on here, as I don't want to be insensitive so if I ever do cause any upset, please let me know. I still get upset when I see pregnant ladies and babies around the age mine should be, and don't even talk to me about twins, unless you want lots of tears...:hugs:
> 
> I've had a bit of a stressful weekend, my dad has terminal cancer and was rushed to hospital on Saturday with pneumonia...we were told it was 50/50 whether he would pull through and we should consider making the necessary phonecalls, but, in his true 'I'm a fighter' style, he got home this afternoon! I really don't know where he gets his strength from! So, sorry I haven't been around much the last few days.
> 
> Other than that, tiredness and nausea, I'm great! lol. Going to see my GP tomorrow to ask to be referred to the consultant so I can find out what extra care we will get this time, plus, I have some questions I want clarified from the test results we got.
> 
> keep us all updated on the TTC front, I love reading how everyone is getting on xxClick to expand...

:hugs::hugs::hugs: I want you to know i am thinking of your dad and sending prayers of strength.. You are a great friend.. XOXOXOO and a wonderful person and If you ever need to talk I am here.. Please know that.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

MummyStobe said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Thanks girls for ALL your love and support ...AND keep me posted with all y'alls progress.....
> 
> Happy Humping Friends :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Well done getting some action in around the special date! :haha: Got my fingers crossed for you now!!
> 
> As for keeping you posted with my progress...check out my new sig :)
> 
> xxxClick to expand...
> 
> Congratulations mhazzab, really pleased for you. Got my fingers crossed for a H&H 9 months for you. Seeing your good news has helped boost my positive thoughts about getting pregnant again.
> 
> We've started ttc again this month, well more ntnp really but that is how we have got pregnant both times before, I've never used opk or tracked temps etc, so we're sticking with our go with the flow method. Based on my cycle I should be ovulating at the end of this week so we're getting plenty of :sex: in at the moment :blush:
> 
> Look forward to hearing about everyone's progress and will add mine in due course.
> 
> Big hugs to all the amazing ladies on here :hugs:Click to expand...


Oooohhh! I am SOOO Super Duper Excited to hear your TTC as well :happydance: That is pretty much what we did this month, just try to hit the important dates and see what happens :thumbup:

Good Luck Ladies!!! AND keep us posted!!!!:winkwink:


----------



## dnlfinker

So I wanted to wish Congratulations to mhazzab .Very exciting news and actually gives hope for some brighter days in the future. Since some of you mentioned that you are 2 days past ovulation , I will say that I am around that time as well. I am confused a bit though as two days ago I had a positive opk and 2 bars on the ovulation monitor. The next day , for some reason the opk was negative and the monitor still showed 2 bars. The monitor is suppose to switch to three bars indicating that I ovulated so I guess this months is not going to be it for me. I guess that really means that my PCOS problem is still kicking my butt. Since I truely believe that Chlomid caused my baby to have a birth 
defect , I will no longer take that to ovulate . It makes me nervous because before I was not able to ovulate and get pregnant (twice), what if I will never be able to have children again?


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Sweets :hugs:

I am COMPLETELY clueless with the opk's... I have never seen one, let alone used one.. I am sorry.... I know someone will come along and answer this for you... I am super excited to keep hearing about all these rainbows in the works!!:happydance:

Fingers crossed for you all.... keep me posted!! I wanna hear how you all are feeling!!! :thumbup: :winkwink:


----------



## SarahJane

Yayyayayayayay.... I hadn't seen much of this post - so pleased you are TTC Kelly xxx


----------



## SarahJane

mhazzab - OMG OMG OMG - just read this thread - so pleased for you xxxxx

Congrats babe 

Let's hope we have loads and loads of BFP's in here this month...

I am due to ovulate on Wed. I am on cycle 7 TTC (tried instantly after loss) and I am using soy this month, and temping, and CBFM and OPk's - something has to work eventually :haha:

C'mon rainbow babies :dust:


----------



## KamIAm

Sarah.... As much as I am on this forum and in this section... I haven't noticed the TTC thread here!! :dohh:

Haha ... Looks like I have found a home!!! :haha: :happydance:

Come on rainbows!!!!! 

:dust::dust:


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> So I wanted to wish Congratulations to mhazzab .Very exciting news and actually gives hope for some brighter days in the future. Since some of you mentioned that you are 2 days past ovulation , I will say that I am around that time as well. I am confused a bit though as two days ago I had a positive opk and 2 bars on the ovulation monitor. The next day , for some reason the opk was negative and the monitor still showed 2 bars. The monitor is suppose to switch to three bars indicating that I ovulated so I guess this months is not going to be it for me. I guess that really means that my PCOS problem is still kicking my butt. Since I truely believe that Chlomid caused my baby to have a birth
> defect , I will no longer take that to ovulate . It makes me nervous because before I was not able to ovulate and get pregnant (twice), what if I will never be able to have children again?

I don't think so i do think you will get pregnant :hugs::hugs::hugs: You may have caught the ovulation as it was going away,like it started earlier and then you tested and it was still there and then tested again and ovulation was over. I just stick to digital OPK, the one with the smilie face, if you get the smilie face that means you will ovulate in 24 to 36 hours.I don't like the sticks cause sometimes I can't see if the color is the same darker lighter, it is just confusing. I got the clear blue easy digital one in Walgreens on sale for 39 bucks. I had a coupon for 3 dollars off but I forgot it and was to lazy to go home and get it :wacko:It will happen for you believe me., :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

I was checking the ovulation monitor (testing from day 11) so I am pretty sure that I didnt miss it.the monitor showed two bars at 22 day , which I think is late to ovulate. I dont understand how the smile was there but the egg on the monitor didnt show.I will test two more days in case, and I think I am done for the month.maybe dec will be better. My little angel was due in dec 28, 3 days away from my daughters second birthday :) they were suppose to be 2 years apart but god has his own plan.:nope:


----------



## KamIAm

Big Hugs Hon' ..... Fingers crossed!!!!


----------



## Nikki_d72

Fingers crossed for all you ladies TTC, I'm hoping we get a few BFP's this month or in the near future!


----------



## dnlfinker

By the way, does anybody else have issues sleeping since the loss? I am sleeping but keep getting weird dreams. The are not necessary baby related, but I am no longer sleeping deep. I find myself tossing and turning all the time after certain point at night and wake up tired mst of the time. Just wondering if it is normal.


----------



## KamIAm

Right after I lost my Emma, I wasn't sleeping well at all!!! :nope: I think that is completely normal, and with time it will get better dear... :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

I was wanting dreams, hoping for signs and things, but didn't get any dreams at all straight after the loss, though wasn't sleeping well and felt exhausted all the time. Now I'm getting the wierd dreams and waking up in the middle of the night or really early in the morning. It seems to be a normal part of it. Try Rescue Remedy - it's a natural plant tincture that can relieve stress and help you get a good sleep. HTH


----------



## yazoo

Oh I have a really excited feeling right now reading this. There are alot of us either ttc or pregnant and I know we will all be a great help to one another. 

I am so glad I found you girls on here. Now bring on the :bfp:
Lots and lots of :dust: for all of you. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> By the way, does anybody else have issues sleeping since the loss? I am sleeping but keep getting weird dreams. The are not necessary baby related, but I am no longer sleeping deep. I find myself tossing and turning all the time after certain point at night and wake up tired mst of the time. Just wondering if it is normal.

That is me and still 8 months later I have insomnia, I sleep maybe 4 hours a night. Last night it hit me again and I cried for hours. I just wish things were different, hurts very much..:cry::cry::cry::cry: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

I haven't had a good night's sleep since the loss. I didn't sleep well beforehand really, but now it's ridiculous. I lie awake trying to get to sleep, then when I do, I wake up all through the night, then I'm awake well before the alarm. I am shattered. And the dreams...!!! Yes, I dream of all sorts of vivid random things, mostly nothing baby related, but then occasionally (like last night) I dreamed I had a teeny tiny baby in my hand, no bigger than my palm. I was looking at it thinking 'it should be bigger than that'... I don't think we need Freud to analyse that one...:cry:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> I haven't had a good night's sleep since the loss. I didn't sleep well beforehand really, but now it's ridiculous. I lie awake trying to get to sleep, then when I do, I wake up all through the night, then I'm awake well before the alarm. I am shattered. And the dreams...!!! Yes, I dream of all sorts of vivid random things, mostly nothing baby related, but then occasionally (like last night) I dreamed I had a teeny tiny baby in my hand, no bigger than my palm. I was looking at it thinking 'it should be bigger than that'... I don't think we need Freud to analyse that one...:cry:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

I had the opposite problem with sleeping at the start. I would have slept 24/7. I felt like when I slept I wasn't thinking about it. I felt so tired no matter how much I slept. My GP said that that can be a way of dealing with grief and the fact that I lost alot of blood and my low haemoglobin levels added to it. That tiredness has passed and now my quality of sleep varies. Some nights i get an ok sleep and then other nights I wake up crying in my sleep. I'm obviously dreaming but then I can't remember the dreams. 

I am hoping the 24/7 tiredness returns as it'll mean I have a wee :yellow: on the way. Lol


----------



## mhazzab

dnlfinker said:


> So I wanted to wish Congratulations to mhazzab .Very exciting news and actually gives hope for some brighter days in the future. Since some of you mentioned that you are 2 days past ovulation , I will say that I am around that time as well. I am confused a bit though as two days ago I had a positive opk and 2 bars on the ovulation monitor. The next day , for some reason the opk was negative and the monitor still showed 2 bars. The monitor is suppose to switch to three bars indicating that I ovulated so I guess this months is not going to be it for me. I guess that really means that my PCOS problem is still kicking my butt. Since I truely believe that Chlomid caused my baby to have a birth
> defect , I will no longer take that to ovulate . It makes me nervous because before I was not able to ovulate and get pregnant (twice), what if I will never be able to have children again?

Hiya - thank you! :)

Are you using the clear blue fertility monitor? Is it your first month? I think for some people when they start using it, it takes a couple of months to get used to you, it may have missed the surge that gives you the peak reading. So, just because you didn't get a peak, it doesn't mean you didn't ovulate, just that it didn't pick it up. The fact that you got highs, and a positive opk is good - that shows yor body was at least trying to ovulte. Also, the monitor only tells you when you are preparing to ovulate, not whether you actually did. I think the only way tell whether you actually ovulated, is to temp.

So, don't count yourself out yet this month based on the fertility monitor xx


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## dnlfinker

Thank you. I am using the clear fertility monitor for the past 3 years. So far with two of my pregnancies , I got pregnant from the second month(after chlomid) and both times the opk was helping me track the time that is close to ovulation. I tried to read the instruction manual for the monitor and it says that if you didnt get the peak that means that the cycle is long( which makes sense) or that I did not ovulate that cycle. So by all means , I am probably out! Is it possible that it didnt pick it up if I am using it every morning since day 11 at the same time every morning? :dohh:. . I also had an issue with the monitor this month, it was asking me to clean it . I couldnt get it to function for a while , what is the chance that I ruined the mechanism or something? Thank you for the support and once again congrats on your rainbow baby!


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## winterwonder

Just skim read this thread and wanted to say congratulations to mhazzab, I am so pleased for you! :happydance: And to everyone else who is ttc, I wish you so much luck, and i hope you all get your little rainbows soon! 

I'm not ttc yet as we are still waiting for results about why we lost bud but i'm hoping we'll get them next month and then i can start thinking about making a rainbow baby.

Lots and Lots of :dust: to everybody!


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## SarahJane

It is lovely to see so many angel mummies making rainbows.

As for the sleep thing, I struggled early on, I then went through a period of nightmares but now I am much better and sleeping pretty normally. I hope it sorts itself out for you guys soon :hugs:

I thought I might ovulate tomorrow but am now thinking the soy may have lengthened my cycle as OPK has gone lighter today without having a positive (normally I get a few days of positive) so I will have to keep testing. I am temping and no rise so far either.

How's everyone else doing and when is everyone testing this month? xx


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## KamIAm

Well, Hello Miss Sarah!!!! :hugs:

I am dying, as I am only on day 4 past "o" ..... I hear you CAN start testing 7-8dpo so you know I'll be POAS those mornings , if not sooner :wacko: .. I know, I know, I really should just wait as long as I can, since it will just be a waste but the craziness is now settling in.... Hahaha:haha:

How have you been today?? All ok?? 

Everyone else doing alright today?? 

I think of y'all often!!! :hugs:


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## kiki04

I am going to be a freaking lunatic POAS since cd9 with opk's right up til OV and then instantly switch to hpt's :rofl:


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## katie21188

hey girls, just wanted to introduce myself. I lost my twin daughters 3 months ago on 20th July 2011 at 22 weeks :cry: and we are just starting to TTC now to :happydance: hopefully we all have our rainbows soon :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:dust: :dust: :dust:


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## MummyStobe

katie21188 said:


> hey girls, just wanted to introduce myself. I lost my twin daughters 3 months ago on 20th July 2011 at 22 weeks :cry: and we are just starting to TTC now to :happydance: hopefully we all have our rainbows soon :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
> 
> :dust: :dust: :dust:

Hi Katie I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girls. It's so unfair that anyone has to suffer the pain of losing one baby never mind two.

Sending lots of :dust: your way and hope you get a BFP for your rainbow soon. Xx


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## collie_crazy

Welcome Katie :hugs: I am so sorry for your loss :( Your avatar pic of your girls holding hands is stunning :hugs:

Sending lots of :dust: your way xx

Girls... I caved... I POAS this morning :haha: And whats worse is I swear I can see a line... if you tilt it a certain way at the window :rofl: I think I have lost the plot!


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## yazoo

Kiki I have been using OPKs this cycle since CD6- addicted much? lol. Its only now I am seeing strong lines on CD16. 



kiki04 said:


> I am going to be a freaking lunatic POAS since cd9 with opk's right up til OV and then instantly switch to hpt's :rofl:


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## yazoo

Hi Katie, welcome. I am very sorry about the loss of your daughters. I love your avatar pic. Very cute. :hugs::hugs:



katie21188 said:


> hey girls, just wanted to introduce myself. I lost my twin daughters 3 months ago on 20th July 2011 at 22 weeks :cry: and we are just starting to TTC now to :happydance: hopefully we all have our rainbows soon :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
> 
> :dust: :dust: :dust:


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## yazoo

LOL Collie, this is funny. I know I will be exactly the same after O. I said I wouldn't and I wouldn't want to know straight away if I was pregnant but heck I said I wouldn't go too mad with ttc and well I am a teeny tiny bit. :haha:
Woohoooo on seeing the line. Did you use FMU? Take another tomorrow. That line could get stronger. :flower:




collie_crazy said:


> Welcome Katie :hugs: I am so sorry for your loss :( Your avatar pic of your girls holding hands is stunning :hugs:
> 
> Sending lots of :dust: your way xx
> 
> Girls... I caved... I POAS this morning :haha: And whats worse is I swear I can see a line... if you tilt it a certain way at the window :rofl: I think I have lost the plot!


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## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Girls... I caved... I POAS this morning :haha: And whats worse is I swear I can see a line... if you tilt it a certain way at the window :rofl: I think I have lost the plot!

hahaha I hate those damn liney tests...it's torture! I so hope there is something there...make sure you keep us updated tomorrow!!! xx


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## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> LOL Collie, this is funny. I know I will be exactly the same after O. I said I wouldn't and I wouldn't want to know straight away if I was pregnant but heck I said I wouldn't go too mad with ttc and well I am a teeny tiny bit. :haha:

I could have written this, lol! I was going to 'take it easy and BD when we wanted to, not stress out over every little symptom, and not test till AF is due'. Yeah right, failed on all counts!


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## yazoo

LOL- The whole thing just makes us :wacko: doesn't it.


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## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> LOL- The whole thing just makes us :wacko: doesn't it.

It does indeed...! X


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## katie21188

collie_crazy said:


> Welcome Katie :hugs: I am so sorry for your loss :( Your avatar pic of your girls holding hands is stunning :hugs:
> 
> Sending lots of :dust: your way xx
> 
> Girls... I caved... I POAS this morning :haha: And whats worse is I swear I can see a line... if you tilt it a certain way at the window :rofl: I think I have lost the plot!


Thanks mummy stobe and collie crazy, it is surely something that I am going to cherish forever, I love it


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## Hellylou

Hi Katie, and welcome. Sorry for the loss of your girls, and such a touching pic...

:hugs:


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## KamIAm

Good Morning Friends!!! :coffee:

I am jumping thru threads too quickly, I like to read them all then go back to reply... Boo Boo'd this morning... Meant to "welcome Katie" here but Katie I welcomed you in a different thread LOL!!!!! :rofl:

Soooo ... Let me try this again :winkwink:

WELCOME KATIE!!! :flower: So glad you found your way here, this place was my lifeline... my sanity check in the beginning but now it's just my daily reach to some amazing friends :hugs: I found such love, support and understanding from everyone here, I am sure you will too!! Always here for ya!!:hugs:

I am terribly sorry life has thrown you into this journey/nightmare ....but you truly landed in the perfect spot:hugs:

Your avatar pic is breath~taking beautiful!!! Soooo precious!!!!! :flower: (and love their names!!!) Blessed lil angels now playing with all of ours...:hugs:


Ok, Friends... I have a question.... I posted about it in the TTC thread here.. Hate posting abt ttc mission outside "that box".... Never wanna upset anyone... Soooo, wonder over to that thread and then let me know whatcha think :thumbup: PLease ... :winkwink:

Xoxo


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## Nikki_d72

Hiya Kam, I'm not sure you'll still be around - this time difference is a killer! i'm up and ready to chat as everyone else is going to bed!! Anyway, have answered your Q in the TTC thread. xxx


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## katie21188

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hiya Kam, I'm not sure you'll still be around - this time difference is a killer! i'm up and ready to chat as everyone else is going to bed!! Anyway, have answered your Q in the TTC thread. xxx

me to, the time difference is crap hopefully we catch it other on here soon :hugs:


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## winterwonder

Hi Katie, just wanted to say welcome and i'm sorry for the loss of your little girls, it really is a lovely picture you have of them. xxx


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## Andypanda6570

katie21188 said:


> hey girls, just wanted to introduce myself. I lost my twin daughters 3 months ago on 20th July 2011 at 22 weeks :cry: and we are just starting to TTC now to :happydance: hopefully we all have our rainbows soon :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
> 
> :dust: :dust: :dust:

:cry::cry:I am so deeply sorry for your losses. I lost my Ava in March and I am just trying now. I am excited but still very sad sometimes. So glad you found your way here, these ladies are amazing, you will see that though..
XOXOOXO Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

katie21188 said:


> hey girls, just wanted to introduce myself. I lost my twin daughters 3 months ago on 20th July 2011 at 22 weeks :cry: and we are just starting to TTC now to :happydance: hopefully we all have our rainbows soon :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
> 
> :dust: :dust: :dust:

Hi Katie, nice to see you here! Enjoy your TTCing! And thanks for the post you tagged me in on FB, it's lovely, my hubby said the same thing too xxx


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## KamIAm

Good Morning Girls!!! :coffee:

How is everyone today, or....how was everyone today :haha: ... Dang time difference :dohh:

Well ... for me... It's still early in the morning, so it's a great day.... haha... Just gonna be home all day (actually have no where to be!!) and gonna get all my school work done , well see if I can stay off BnB and facebook!!! :rofl:


Cheers to a wonderful Thurday!!! :flower:

Oh.... and NO I haven't caved YET.. Haven't tested YET .... :wacko:


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## kiki04

It is early for me too cuz I am in Canada :haha: So far I woke up to a cold morning that is sooo foggy its hard to see out the window. I am sick with a head cold and am at work :dohh: However... I am off early today, pick my kids up then have a daycare interview! I have been searching for MONTHS for daycare for my boys so keep your fingers crossed this one works out! Thats why I am off early cuz I had to cut my hours so I am home with them before/after school :( Then grocery shopping and home to relax.... 

When do you plan on testing?


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## mhazzab

Winterwonder - I love love love your new avatar pic xxx


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## KamIAm

KiKi~ 

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE your cluster of kid pictures down by your signature! I've seen this before, I think... How did you make it, I'd love to make one for my bucket full of kiddos LOL :winkwink: AND I THINK I see you have a Kenadie?? Crap, forgot how you spelled it, I have a daughter named Kennedy:thumbup:


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## KamIAm

:rofl: Well what the crap.... I wasn't finished with my post dang it! Now it's starting to act like my OH.... hahaha, telling me to "Shhh Woman"... :shhh:

Ok, sorry KiKi , we was interupted LOL

Oooo, you are daycare interviewing ....Ooo that is THE worst!! It's terribly hard to find someone decent to keep them that isn't gonna charge you and arm and a leg! Good Luck babe.... Oh yea, I was planning on waiting til start of next week before thinking of testing.... no sooner than 5 days before my AF is due... But we'll see LOL!! :winkwink:

Hope everyone's day is going greatttttttt :thumbup:

:hugs:


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## kiki04

Yes I do have a Kenadie! :thumbup: Her full name is Kenadie-Lynne Emerson Jayde :rofl: It was originally just Kenadie-Lynne Jayde, but someone mentioned Emerson and I love that name so I went back and fourth on which middle name to use and everyone said, JUST USE BOTH! Then it was, well what order would they go... and on and on and on and ON, until she became Kenadie-Lynne Emerson Jayde :rofl:

And yes, daycare is so difficult to find especially when you only need before/after school! No one wants to work suck peeny hours for little pay :dohh: This one I found is just a mommy, who has a 4 yr old and a 10 month old. Her maternity leave is about to run out so she just wants to find a way to be able to stay home with her girls, yet still make a bit on money on the side... so this is a great option for both of us! Now we just need to make it through today to find out if we have found a solution after months of stressing about this!

I cant wait til you test though :happydance: I have everything crossed for you... however, if it takes a few more months... we will be ttc together and thats not so bad either ;)

Oh and :gun: for getting cut off....


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## KamIAm

Hahaha! Out of all my kids, my Kennedy has the most complicated name... She has 4 names as well.... LOL!!!! Guess we're gonna have some complicated girls on our hands, well that is what I hear from others... They are angels aren't they LOL!!! I love how you spell it tho, very original... Me, I'm not sooo creative Hahaha .. 

I can't wait to test!! I just read on a website that it IS possible, rare, but possibly to get a bfp at 7 dpo and that is what I'll be tomorrow SOOOO you know where to find me in the morning, oh say about 6 am... LOL!!! POAS POAS POAS!!! :happydance: I'm sure I'll be greeted with a "nope"...and that's ok... Just gotta see.... LOL!!!!


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## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hahaha! Out of all my kids, my Kennedy has the most complicated name... She has 4 names as well.... LOL!!!! Guess we're gonna have some complicated girls on our hands, well that is what I hear from others... They are angels aren't they LOL!!! I love how you spell it tho, very original... Me, I'm not sooo creative Hahaha ..
> 
> I can't wait to test!! I just read on a website that it IS possible, rare, but possibly to get a bfp at 7 dpo and that is what I'll be tomorrow SOOOO you know where to find me in the morning, oh say about 6 am... LOL!!! POAS POAS POAS!!! :happydance: I'm sure I'll be greeted with a "nope"...and that's ok... Just gotta see.... LOL!!!!

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: I will be here at 6am and you better post right away if you have any info :happydance::happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Promise :thumbup: .... As soon as I get off the pot, I'll post the results .... :happydance::happydance:

For some reason, I just KNOW it's gonna show bfn (just cuz I think it's too early) BUT curiosity is killing me SOOO pee pee time in the morning!!! :happydance:

AND, If it does come up negative... I'll be OK :thumbup: I'll just POAS every morning til AF shows up LOL!!! :winkwink:

Hope everyone is doing well .... :hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Promise :thumbup: .... As soon as I get off the pot, I'll post the results .... :happydance::happydance:
> 
> For some reason, I just KNOW it's gonna show bfn (just cuz I think it's too early) BUT curiosity is killing me SOOO pee pee time in the morning!!! :happydance:
> 
> AND, If it does come up negative... I'll be OK :thumbup: I'll just POAS every morning til AF shows up LOL!!! :winkwink:
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well .... :hugs::hugs:

DON"T THINK LIKE THAT< HAVE FAITH WOMAN :growlmad::growlmad::haha::haha::haha::haha:
Even if it is negative you, me ,we got time..
XOXOXOOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SarahJane

Very very very excited for POAS action!!!


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## KamIAm

Hi Friends!

Missing my Emma .... a lot more than usual tonight.... :cry:

Good Grief! I want off this crazy emotional train wreck... :hugs:

Sarah~ I POAS earlier this morning, bfn... So, I am gonna hold off til next week til I test again... to be continued... :flower:


:hugs:


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## DueSeptember

:hugs:


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## SarahJane

BOOOOO for BFN!

It is really early yet babe so you are still in. 

Loads of love and hugs :hugs: x


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## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hi Friends!
> 
> Missing my Emma .... a lot more than usual tonight.... :cry:
> 
> Good Grief! I want off this crazy emotional train wreck... :hugs:
> 
> Sarah~ I POAS earlier this morning, bfn... So, I am gonna hold off til next week til I test again... to be continued... :flower:
> 
> 
> :hugs:

Aww Emma is fine she is with Ava and all our angels and I think they are laughing at us, cause we are crazy :wacko::wacko::wacko:
XOXOXO I am here if you need to talk, Kelly.
XOXOOXO
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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