# Lost our baby girls:(



## TatorMom

I found out at a prenatal appointment this morning that we lost our baby girls. :cry: My OB thinks it may have been due to blood clots in the placenta and umbilical cords, but I don't know that we'll ever know for sure. We've tried so hard for another healthy baby after our boys, but after this miscarriage DH and I are both done. Neither of us can handle the heartbreak of another loss. I was told I may never be able to have kids due to severe endometriosis if we waited, so I'm very thankful we had our sons. We'll always miss our little girls. I decided to be induced and deliver naturally so that I can spend some time with our babies and have the chance to say goodbye. DH wasn't able to come to my dr appt this morning and won't be able to be at their birth because things are so busy at work for him due to the hurricane. It just makes it that much harder, but I also feel like him not having to go through this like I am will make things easier for him, and he has his work as a distraction. I just feel so lost and numb. I wanted so badly for another baby and when we found out we were having twins I was overwhelmed at times, but so excited. We've decided to get permanent birth control, so that we never have to go through this again. DH said he's DONE and no more kids. I kind of feel that way a bit, but a part of my is so heartbroken that I feel like our family will always be missing someone. :cry:

We decided to name Baby A Grace Annabel and Baby B Paige Leanne.


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## wondertwins

Oh no. :cry: I'm so sad for you. You and your whole family will be in my thoughts. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Give those boys extra cuddles, and please take care of yourself and take the time needed to heal (physically and emotionally).


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## fuzzylu

So sorry for your loss x


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## Tasha

I am so sorry for the loss of beautiful Grace and Paige. 

There is a thread in the stillbirth, neonatal loss section of things people did and/or wish they did when they met their baby, maybe have a read of it sweetie.

Also dont make a decision of permanent contraceptive just yet, any decent doctor wouldnt do anything just now any way but now is not the time to be making huge life changing decisions like that.


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## henrysmumkaz

Whaaaat.... Oh my goodness. I'm just speechless. My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so SO sorry. This is just bloody unfair. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. Be gentle on yourself and eachother. I hope with the passing of time, it becomes easier to accept. 

Treasure those precious moments you'll get with your daughters at their birth.

Rest in peace Grace Annabel and Paige Leanne :angel::angel:


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## san fran shan

This is so shocking. I am soo sorry for your loss. And so sorry you have to go through it alone. Those are beautiful names and your girls know that they are loved forever. You and your family are in my thoughts. :hugs:


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## Tigerlilies

I'm so sorry, my heart aches for you. Please have someone go with you when you deliver Grave and Paige, you shouldn't go through that alone.

I agree with Tasha, you don't have to make a permanent decision right now. You and dh are hurting right now. Give yourselves time to heal first. :hug:


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
My heart is broken for you, I am so deeply sorry for your losses :cry::cry:

Thinking of you and Grace & Paige.. XOOXOXOX


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## TatorMom

Thank you everyone. It was shocking for us too because everything seemed to have been going well and I have been taking my blood thinners as they were prescribed and following the doctors orders religiously. My doctor didn't have a whole lot of explanation, although I hadn't been feeling much movement the past several days and I had been feeling them quite a bit since 17-18 weeks. Hopefully after they're born we'll have some answers. I worry that it's because I started the pregnancy out underweight and still haven't gained much. I was still drinking caffine too, so maybe that had something to do with it.:(


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## lambchops

Oh no! im so so sorry for you and your families loss xxxxx Cant imagine now how you are feeling, the precious moments you get to spend with your girls will stay in your heart forever. Rest in Peace little angels xxxx


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## Tasha

Oh sweetie :hugs: the what if's are so very hard but it is very unlikely tht drinking caffine did this. They will look at your placenta and see if it had lots of clots etc and that will give them an indication of what hppened.

If you have any questions about what to expect or what ever then feel free to pm me. My first stillbirth was at 36+6 and I was so scared to meet her, my second was at 24+3 and I thought I should be less scared as I knew what to expect but as I knew she was the size of a 19/20 weeker it made me MORE scared as I didnt know what to expect of a baby of that gestation.


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## xxxemsxxx

So sorry for your loss of Grace and Paige.

Thinking of you and your family at this time.

Take care of yourself. All my love. xx


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## lambchops

TatorMom said:


> Thank you everyone. It was shocking for us too because everything seemed to have been going well and I have been taking my blood thinners as they were prescribed and following the doctors orders religiously. My doctor didn't have a whole lot of explanation, although I hadn't been feeling much movement the past several days and I had been feeling them quite a bit since 17-18 weeks. Hopefully after they're born we'll have some answers. I worry that it's because I started the pregnancy out underweight and still haven't gained much. I was still drinking caffine too, so maybe that had something to do with it.:(

Never think that this is something that you caused :hugs: These sometimes unexplained things happen, as horrible as they are, but you are not at fault. Please dont worry that its you that has done this. As some of the other girls have said please if you cant go through it alone, take someone with you for support. xxxx


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## henrysmumkaz

TatorMom, this is not your fault!!! You mustn't think that!


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## xxxemsxxx

As the others have said please don't think it's anything you did or didn't do. It's not your fault :hugs:


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## Wind

I am so very sorry for the loss of Grace and Paige. As the other ladies have said, do not blame yourself!! I wish I knew why these things happen. :cry: You will be in my thoughts and prayers!! If you need an ear, I am here.:hugs:


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## HLanders

Please please please don't blame yourself!!! It just wasn't the right time for your little angels but it is NOT your fault!! I'm so sorry for your loss, you and your family are in my prayers.


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## Meezerowner

So sorry for your loss. 
You mustn't think it is anything you did or didnt do though. I think caffine is linked to early miscarriage anyway not late loss.
Please take care of yourself over the next few weeks. x


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## Bumblebee117

:cry: I am so so sorry to hear about your losses! :hugs:


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## fidgets mammy

so so sorry hun. i cant believe it. heaven has two more angels now. please dont blame yrself. its not yr fault. somethings are out of our control. look after yrself hun and each other


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## jogami

Its nothing you did! PLEASE don't blame yourself. Sometimes life seems unfair :( you have 2 angels looking down on you.

Fly high angel babies :angel: :angel:

Please be kind on yourself, treasure the time you have with your beautiful daughters and take all the time you need :hugs:


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## Mrs Mc

So sorry for your loss.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers :hugs:


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## 1948LC

I'm so very sorry for you and your family. 

Thinking of you. xxx


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## DragonflyWing

Oh TaterMom, I'm so so sorry :( I hope they are able to shed some light on what happened, so you can be reassured that it wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I'm keeping you and your whole family in my thoughts :hugs:


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## Bon18

So sorry for your loss... Please do not blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. 

Rest in peace little angels Grace and Paige

:hugs:


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## jackie2012

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. i can't imagine what your going through. Don't be too hard on yourself like you said you did as your doctor told you to a tee not much more you could have done. you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. rest in peace little angel babies. :angel::angel:


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## lisababe5

Really sorry to hear that. I hope you find strength to get through this time and as the other ladies say - please don't do this alone. I will be thinking of you and your family xxx:hugs:


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## moo_fie

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girls. Please don't blame yourself. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time xx


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## Lisa84

So so sorry for you loss. You and your girls are in my thoughts :hugs: Please dont blame yourself sweetie :hugs: xxxx


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## lizziedripping

Just awful sweetie, every Mom's worst nightmare :cry: You're a brave lady, but please don't go through their delivery alone honey - is there anyone that can be with you? Lots of love :hugs:


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## DippyTink

So sorry to hear of your losses. Beautiful names for beautiful angels x x


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## Cabbage

Oh my God, what terrible news... I am very sorry. It's hard to know what to say...


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## tweety pie

So so sorry for your losses hun, you are in my prayers :hugs:


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## _Vicky_

OMG I am so very very very sorry!! I am in tears for you!!

I have no advice but want to echo try and take someone with you sweetie - it's not something to do alone xxxxxxxx


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## GoldieLocs

So sorry for your losses.


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## arj

caffeine wouldnt have done it, nor being underweight, you arent to blame!!
so sorry for your loss 

:(


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## Banana2012

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie :hugs:


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## smurfybaby

I am so very very sorry for your loss.


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## BabyBG

So very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through but you are in my thoughts and prayers!!


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## Eternal

I am so so sorry xxx


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## hannahmiller

Im so very sorry for your loss. May your beautiful angels rest in peace xxx


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## Tasha

Still thinking of you, your family, Grace and Paige x


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## kimbobaloo

:hugs:


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## mummykel1984

Oh my gosh huni I am so so sorry for your loss, god has gained two of the most precious and beautiful angels, thinking of you all xxxx


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## ShelbyLC

Oh hun, I am so, so sorry. None of this is your fault - the weight nor the caffeine would have have anything to do with this. I'll be thinking of you, your girls, and the rest of your family. :hugs:


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## TatorMom

Thank you everyone for all your prayers and well wishes. I was induced and delivered our beautiful baby girls last night at 1018pm. I was diagnosed with Chorioamnionitis, an infection on the membranes. They've run tests to determine what bacteria caused the infection, but my doctor said it was a random 1 in hundreds of thousands occurrence and that there's nothing anyone could've done to prevent it. I'll probably be in the hospital for another couple days to get the infection under control and then hopefully I'll be able to go home. We spent some time with our baby girls, gave them hugs and kisses and told them how much mommy and daddy loved them. The nurses were amazing, which I'll always be forever grateful for. It's just so much to process in such a short period of time. I can honestly say I can never go through something like this again and that we're done. We're just so grateful for the blessing of our 2 healthy boys. 

Thank you all for your support.


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## henrysmumkaz

:hugs:


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## chetnaz

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Cannot imagine what you are going through. I'm at a loss for words...


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## xxxemsxxx

:hugs:


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## fidgets mammy

big hugs hun. x


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## wondertwins

Sending massive hugs your way. I'm glad you're being well taken care of and hope they are able to get the infection under control in short order. :hugs:


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## 4myjewel

Prayers for you and your family xoxo


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Just wanted you to know I was still thinking of you . I pray the days ahead are gentle on you. I am just so sorry this has happened. :cry::cry:
All My Love XOOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## 88kelly

An angel in the book of life wrote down your babies birth,

Then whispered as she closed the book,

"Too beautiful for the Earth"

Sending lots of hugs your way hun, cant even begin to imagine what your going through xxxxx :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Deethehippy

I am so sorry to read of your losses, i cannot imagine how hard it is for you, i have tears in my eyes just typing this :cry: :hugs:

Take plenty of time to look after yourself and do not rush back to work or anything :hugs::hugs:

Rest in peace beautiful angels :hugs::hugs:


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## zephyr

I'm sorry for your loss :( Thinking of you and your family xx


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## Cabbage

Thank you for taking the time to update us. Dreadful thing to happen to you and your family, my heart goes out to you. I guess it's important for you to know why this happened... Really hope you and your family are OK and find the strength to deal with this.


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## TattooMummy

This is so incredidbly sad xxxx I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx sending hugs and love and prayers xxxx


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## meant2bamummy

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.


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## nyba

Deepest sympathies to you and your family on your loss.


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## TatorMom

88kelly said:


> An angel in the book of life wrote down your babies birth,
> 
> Then whispered as she closed the book,
> 
> "Too beautiful for the Earth"
> 
> Sending lots of hugs your way hun, cant even begin to imagine what your going through xxxxx :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thank you! This is actually 1 of 2 quotes/verses we chose to put on our babies head stone. They were laid to rest this morning in one of the most beautiful cemeteries in our state, that has a section called "Lullaby Land". It's specially dedicated to stillborns and infants and is such a beautiful place. We did have my parents hold them after they were born and I'm glad we did. My parents are glad they were able to say goodbye as well. We did put their pictures on our bedroom dresser and they were very beautiful peaceful pictures. My husband's boss went to the HR department at his work and asked that he be granted bereavement leave, which they had no issue with. Any pregnancy loss after 20 weeks is deemed a death and not a miscarriage by the company. He'll be returning to work Monday, which I feel is more than appropriate. I think he would have been fine going back today, but his boss asked that he take until Monday. It makes it easier to pick up the pieces and move on when he's able to be home for a few days. 

We truly do appreciate everyone's support through this. We've been shocked and thankful for the support from our family and friends as well. Initially I never wanted to get pregnant ever again, but we've decided to take a semi permanent route, so that in 3-4yrs when our boys are in 1st grade we can try again if we want. My doctor said that I would always regret doing something perm immediately after, and my husband and I think she's right. We did want some answers and I guess it brought some comfort know it's not really anything I had any control over, but makes trying again not something I want to do again either.


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## jackie2012

sounds like a lovely place to lay your little angels to rest :hugs::hugs:
I am glad you have some support and don't have to go through this alone.
My heart goes out to you and keeping you in my thoughts.


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## MrsC8776

:hugs: Sorry I'm coming in late but I just wanted to send you tons of hugs. :cry: This is so sad and I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. My heart goes out to you and you will be in my thoughts. I do think that it is a blessing that you both were able to hold them and say goodbye. Brings tears to my eyes again as I think of everything you must have gone through. Your girls will forever be remembered and they will always be looking over you. :hugs:


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## Cabbage

This thread makes my heart heavy... It sounds like a lovely place to put them to rest & you have formed a relationship with them by holding them before you lay them to rest. You will always be their Mum... Try not to think of the future and trying again or not trying again. You don't have to decide on that right now. You can cross that bridge when you come to it and I'm sure you will make the right decision for you both when the time comes. In the meantime, take care of yourself :hugs:


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## TatorMom

Thank you everyone for your kid words and thoughts. It really means a lot. It's been a week full of ups and downs, sadness, anger and emptiness.:cry: It's been hard to figure out how and when to move on. I'm blessed to have an amazing husband who is very open and willing to talk about my feelings and his. It helps both of us being able to truly talk to each other and help each other pick up the pieces.

Our girls have shown us how fragile, irreplaceable and unpredictable life is and have made us better parents, spouses and people. I'll always be grateful for the short time we had with them. I'm staying on prophylactic antibiotics until we have another baby at some point, just to prevent any complications. Although the risk of this happening again is slim, I/we don't want to take the chance. We're very excited to be bringing home our fur baby, Great Dane puppy, Dec. 17th. He's warmed our hearts and we can't wait to bring him home. He's not a baby, but in a way. Dogs bring companionship that kids don't even. He'll be our first puppy/dog, since we had our boys, so we're excited. It's nice to have something to look forward to. It no where near, nor is he intended to replace the loss of Grace and Paige and our hopes and dreams of bringing home our rainbow baby, but we're thankful for Tango none the less. I'm very excited for everyone and can't wait to see pictures of your babies! The loss of our girls hasn't tainted our genuine happiness for friends, and those on this forum, who are expecting because we know that we'll have our rainbow baby at some point. Friends having healthy babies and getting pregnant gives us hope.
 



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## arj

Tatormum I was really hoping that you would maybe consider trying again one day, I know nothing can replace your twin girls but there may just be another baby out there for you at some stage in life. I just cant begin to imagine how you have been feeling this past week. I lost amniotic fluid at 22 weeks and it was absolutely terrifying I didnt know what was happening, I was shocked at how attached I was already to both babies before they were even born, something other people could never understand. 
There was a lady that lost her boys at 18 weeks when I was pregnant with mine, we were the same gestation, and even to this day I think about her babies, and wonder how she is doing. Ill be thinking about you and your babies too. xx


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## wondertwins

Hope you're healing. It sounds like you and your husband are a good support for each other. :hugs: 

Your fur baby is lush.


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## WTBmyBFP

I'm so so sorry!!! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## KELLYBD

TatorMom I sorry I've only just read this as I haven't been on here in ages. I do not know what to say........I am so so sorry for your loss, I'm speechless, life is so wrong at times. 

I truely hope you try again and I wish you all the happiness that life can bring to you. Take care and sending you big hugs Kel xx


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## Wind

I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength and courage. I have been praying for you every day.:hugs:


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## _Vicky_

Xxxx big hugs sweetie. 

I agree don't ever underestimate the healing powers of a canine - they truly are mans best friend xxxx


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## drsquid

aww that puppy is amazing!!! he will bring lots of love to you and your family. they make great confidants and shoulders to cry on. plus they get huge so you can get a real hug going.


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## ttcreed

Hey ladies! I have been gone for about six months. I was pregnant with my first, due to clomid. We lost our daughter on May 2, 2012 to Chorioamnionitis. We are now attempting to try for another baby. I hope we have some good news soon. Hope to talk to you all again!


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## TatorMom

Delete


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## Nut_Shake

I only just saw this, I'm am so so sorry :( sending you lots of love and thoughts xxxx


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## TatorMom

Please delete thread. Thanks


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