# Gender revealed against my wishes?



## LadyLovenox

I am 14 weeks, and just had an ultrasound yesterday. As I went into the room, I told the ultrasound tech... Just to let you know, we don't want to know the gender....we're waiting for the surprise on delivery day. She said the doctor will be the one doing it, but that's fine. When the doctor came in, I told her the same thing. Truthfully, I wanted to not find out, bc I really want a girl, and I knew I'd be disappointed w a boy. But I figure once they put my baby in my arms I won't care, so waiting is best. So less than 2 minutes later, while doing my ultrasound, the doctor says "I wouldn't buy any pink" I said excuse me?  not believing she had said that. She said "all I'm saying is, I wouldn't buy pink" I said I just told you we didn't want to know!!! She said... I'm not telling you anything. Yellow would be a lovely color. Just not pink. I was obviously irritated, and she said, I'm just kidding... Buy whatever you want. Then she left. The nurse then comes in (who I also told I didn't want to know) , and says, she can always tell gender early. First thing she said when she left the room was "it's a boy". I am sooo upset. Now I feel completely disappointed which I was trying to avoid. And I feel guilty and feel bad for my little boy for feeling like that. :( 

I did call into the doctor and complained. I told her she really upset me. She insisted she was being "fecicious" (spelling?) and that she had no clue what the baby was. She said I can't tell this early on our crappy machines. I even said.... The thing that really set me off was your nurse said you came out of the room saying it's a boy. She replied... "I said it's a boy... Or a girl" which I think is bs. Who would say that? Needless to say, I cried a lot today, and then felt like a terrible mother for being disappointed in my sweet baby. Do you think she was joking like she claims or did she really reveal the gender? Please be honest w your thoughts on this.


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## lau86

Some thing sort of similar happened to my friend, she was team yellow and was having a growth scan I think it was. It was late in the pregnancy so not quite the same, but the tech said to her you better look away as this baby is revealing it's genitals right on the screen! Or something. Not in a nasty way she just obviously didn't want them to see and needed to say something. My friend just assumed that meant it was a boy, it wasn't it was a girl. 
That was very wrong of your doctor. I think if you still want to he be team yellow you just need to forget it and not try to analyse.


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## george83

I'm in the same situation as you regarding not wanting to know as I know - as horrible as it sounds - I would be totally devastated to know now that I'm having my third boy. I fully understand the wanting to wait until you have baby to find out. So I was you I would be absolutely fuming, I'm not the sort of person to complain about things, especially if your going to have to have contact with that particular doctor again but I wouldn't let them get away with it. Gender disappointment can be such a serious condition for some women and that doctors attitude is appalling. S/he clarr my has no idea of how far reaching the effects of it could be. The only thing I would say is that I think it's true that they can't tell accurately at that stage so I wouldn't completely believe what they said anyway. 

I'm really sorry though, the whole situation sucks x x


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## kaths101

That is awful, made me feel upset reading it!! 
For her to say it's a boy is a bit silly and why say it could be a boy or a girl :wacko: and coming from someone else too! 
Sounds like she is now trying to cover herself!! 

What silly comments to make!! Why say anything at all? grrrr

:hugs:


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## MyFavSurprise

That is really terrible, I would be furious as well..what an inappropriate attitude for a doctor to have, im so sorry you had to go through that and now to be left wondering what to do or think is unbelievable. Thinking of you during your healing, and I do agree that they could have been entirely wrong as it is still very early.


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## bdb84

I think she realized she made a mistake and is now trying to cover her arse. It was most likely an honest mistake, but she should have been sincere and apologized. I'm sorry :(


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## diliapickle

This happened to me yesterday actually. I was at doctors and they said look away. We did. Then doctor starts grumbling about how us not wanting to know makes it hard to talk to us. I said, what do you mean. And he goes - well it is a boy and there is an issue with his penis. Then he goes on to say how it is too early to actually see if there is an issue as it isn't fully grown yet. So he ruined my surprise and has me panicking that there is an issue when there may not be! And now I feel guilty because I wanted another girl (I know I already have one and should be happy with that, but I always wanted two girls so they could have a sister. I came from a boy/girl family and we are not close and most my friends that are boy/girl are not close with their siblings) and now I know it is a boy and was sad about that and then guilty over being sad because there could be a problem and gender should not matter.


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## Eleanor ace

diliapickle said:


> This happened to me yesterday actually. I was at doctors and they said look away. We did. Then doctor starts grumbling about how us not wanting to know makes it hard to talk to us. I said, what do you mean. And he goes - well it is a boy and there is an issue with his penis. Then he goes on to say how it is too early to actually see if there is an issue as it isn't fully grown yet. So he ruined my surprise and has me panicking that there is an issue when there may not be! And now I feel guilty because I wanted another girl (I know I already have one and should be happy with that, but I always wanted two girls so they could have a sister. I came from a boy/girl family and we are not close and most my friends that are boy/girl are not close with their siblings) and now I know it is a boy and was sad about that and then guilty over being sad because there could be a problem and gender should not matter.

Oh wow that is terrible! :hugs:. Your doctor so didn't need t do that, surely he could have said "I know you don't want to find out the gender but there is a potential issue with the babies genitals so I feel like it would be useful for you to know the gender so we can discuss this". No need to just jump in and put it on you like that! I think our sonographer let us know the gender, after telling us to look away because he was checking LO's legs and there was a clear shot between them he then referred to LO as "he" a few times and called him a "naughty boy", but because he didn't flat out say it is a boy I can still tell myself we are team yellow. I've been hoping for another girl too and feeling bad about it too :hugs:


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## bdb84

diliapickle said:


> This happened to me yesterday actually. I was at doctors and they said look away. We did. Then doctor starts grumbling about how us not wanting to know makes it hard to talk to us. I said, what do you mean. And he goes - well it is a boy and there is an issue with his penis. Then he goes on to say how it is too early to actually see if there is an issue as it isn't fully grown yet. So he ruined my surprise and has me panicking that there is an issue when there may not be! And now I feel guilty because I wanted another girl (I know I already have one and should be happy with that, but I always wanted two girls so they could have a sister. I came from a boy/girl family and we are not close and most my friends that are boy/girl are not close with their siblings) and now I know it is a boy and was sad about that and then guilty over being sad because there could be a problem and gender should not matter.

I'm sorry :hugs: If it makes you feel any better, I have an older and a younger brother and they are two of my very best friends. My protectors. My built-in therapists. And vice versa. :)


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## diliapickle

bdb84 said:


> I'm sorry :hugs: If it makes you feel any better, I have an older and a younger brother and they are two of my very best friends. My protectors. My built-in therapists. And vice versa. :)

Thank you! That is good to hear :)


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## Kuji

How inconsiderate and disrespectful of the doctor to do!!! I don't know if it's possible, but I would personally change doctor. To act that way was just unacceptable. I just can't believe a doctor would do that...


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## mod19

Your doctor is an absolute jackass. I'm sorry but she is. I would seriously consider switching doctors if I were in your shoes. 

Anyways, when I found out dd was a girl I cried for days. I wanted a boy so bad. I felt like a horrible mother not just being happy that I was carrying a healthy baby after all we'd been through to try to even have a baby. I did get over it and I bought lots of punk and crochet her a beautiful blanket. She's my world now. She's beautiful and perfect and I can't even imaging her being a boy. God new what I needed and gave me a little girl. She's only 3 1/2 months old and we're already expecting #2, and I honestly don't even care what it is this time. All I care about is that they are just as awesome as dd. I know dh would like a boy, but at this point, I'm ok with another girl. And I never saw myself with girls.


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## SoupDragon

That is really disgusting, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'd change doctors and make a formal complaint...the ultrasound room is no place for being facetious. 

My ob 'slipped' towards the end of my pregnancy...I was :yellow:. I had multiple growth scans during which he always called baby 'junior', and at the last one, he said something about how 'she' was looking to be a good size (yeah, 2lb heavier than what the growth scan said!!). 

I brushed it off and didn't give a lot of weight to it, mostly because I was utterly desperate to have a girl and didn't want to convince myself LO was indeed a girl after being :yellow: for 9 months, and getting myself mentally prepared for hearing DH tell me we had a son.

I was lucky in that I got my longed-for baby girl, but it makes me want to growl at the ob for letting it slip after I'd told him every time that we didn't want to know!


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