# negativity towards home births



## Ginag88

How do u deal with the negativity of people telling you not to have a home birth?

It's already a scary choice. I know things can happening but they can in a hospital too.. I'm scared that something will go wrong because I have it home n the guilt would eat me alive


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## marigold91

I'm not sure if this is good advice or what you want to hear, but if you're not confident in your decision, you're definitely not going to be able to rationalize to those who don't understand.

I'm planning to have a natural birth in a hospital setting, so I don't have the experience of a homebirth, but with any decision, if you're not truly behind it, it will most likely just be more stressful for you. Home births are generally safe if you haven't had any pregnancy complications, and I'm sure no matter how sound you are in your decision to have a home birth, there's probably always a small "what if" in your head about the safety and security of you and your baby, but once you feel completely confident, it will be much easier to shut others down.

Talk with your midwife. If you're dead set on having a home birth but have some qualms about the safety, your midwife can be an excellent resource. But she also can't fully change your mind or opinion. I would also recommend reading some books (specifically Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth), watching some youtube videos from those who went through homebirths, anything that will help you solidy your decision. I'm sure you've probably already seen the Business of Being Born, but that is a great resource as well :)

I hope I don't sound negative! My main point is that YOU have to be 100% comfortable and confident in your decision before you can adequately combat the negative remarks of others. At the end of the day, it's about you and your family - so even if you are feeling confident and have all the research and knowledge to back up your wishes, who cares - as long as you are happy with your birth plan and experience, that's all that matters :)


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## MindUtopia

I didn't get a whole lot of negativity from people (probably because I'm a scientist and they assume I know more than they do, so they don't want to question me!), but when people did question it, I always said I was choosing to birth at home because it seemed safer and easier and less painful than birthing in a hospital. In fact, it turned out that it was. I had a really positive birth experience, didn't ever feel like it was truly "painful" and I felt very relaxed and in control. I also had a 4 hour 2nd (pushing) stage, which isn't unusual or anything to necessary be concerned about (baby and I were both fine, she was posterior and turned before birth which is why it took so long), but had I been in hospital, they most certainly would have intervened using forceps or ventouse, which would have caused more trauma for me and potentially injury to my daughter. I have some friends who had forceps births and their babies had awful facial injuries. So it most certainly was safer. 

But I agree with the PP, if you are choosing a home birth (or whatever kind of birth you're choosing), you should be choosing it because it's where you feel the safest and most comfortable. If I had at any point felt like I would be safer and more comfortable in hospital, I would have birthed there. I birthed at home because it seemed safest and best to me and I felt really confident that my midwives had the tools and skills to handle any situation that arose. I think you really have to buy into that and believe it yourself if you want to have a positive experience (in any birth environment, not just at home), but also to convince other people that it's the right choice for you. For me, it was never a scary choice, so it was easy to communicate those feelings when I talked to anyone about it. 

That said, I don't think it's your job to convince anyone of your birth choices. If you were having a c-section, you shouldn't have to convince anyone that it's an acceptable choice, and home birth is no different. If they aren't the ones giving birth to that baby, they don't get to voice an opinion about it. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, just say it's not up for debate and it's your choice and change the subject.


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## BunnyN

I do agree with what the others are saying about it having to be a choice you are comfortable with. I don't think that means you can't have any concerns or doupts though. It is only reasonable to weigh up risks and benifits of both choices. Keep doing research about any concerns you have and make sure you do feel in your heart its the best choice for you. 

Were I live HB is very much not accepted as a mainstream choice. Once I did research I felt very comfortable with the idea of a HB in itself but having to go so far outside accepted convetion did shake me a little. In the end we decided we just had to do what felt like the best and safest choice for us and our baby. One thought that helped decide me was if we were swayed by opinion and went to hospital and something happened to the baby that wouldn't have happened at home, how would that make me feel. Which is kind of the what if something happened at home in reverse thinking. You can't know what is going to happen on the day so you just have to make a sensible choice and accept the risks and benifits that come with whatever choice you make.

My family were fine with it, I was born at home. We took time to explain the benefits, statistics and research to the inlaws who at least half came around to the idea. Other than that to be honest we just kept it fairly quiet until after the baby was here. With the second birth a few more people knew but it was easier to explain because we'd already done it once.


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## MrsG09

I'm not having a home birth, but still had some people in my life with negative opinions just for using midwives. Mostly the nurses in my life, such as my sister. Honestly, I just ignore it. I was going to use a midwife with her own stand-alone birth center but then we moved states. I (along with DH) did my research and felt/feel confident in my decision. My DH decided that we aren't even telling his mom (also a nurse, NICU) about our caregiver decision lol.


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## NDH

The best wqybto deal with negativity is to of course prevent it as best you can initially. Either by keeping your birth plans to yourself, or by being upfront and saying something along the lines of "I am making the well researched and informed decision to homebirth because its the best decision for my baby's and my safety. I am telling you this because I know you love me and will probably have questions or concerns about me doing something different, and I am happy to address any concerns and questions you do have as long as they are not phrased in a rude, condescending or negative way that attacks my choice."

Since it sounds like you're already dealing with negativity from people who know about your decision, could you ask your midwife if she would be willing to meet with the family members whose opinions most matter to you to help allay their fears? Or have a Q&A yourself with them where you agree to answer their questions openly and honestly.
I would also tell them clearly that if they cannot be supportive (which can just mean not speaking against your decision even if they can't fully support you) that you will have to cut them out of your life temporarily until after the birth for your own well being.


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## kristel_

My father in law said to me last night 'isn't it dangerous'. I reminded him that my mother nearly died in hospital having by brother because the midwives had more than 1 patient each at the same time. At least with a homebirth you get a midwife, even 2, all to yourself until the end! It's hard having everyone remind you of the risks constantly but you have to do what feels best for you. I know i will be more relaxed at home than in a hospital so that's what i'm planning on doing.


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## MummyToAmberx

We just didnt tell anyone. Its no one elses business where i intend to birth my baby :)


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## lovejoy

I would say don't have a home birth if you are not 100% o.k with your decision. The fear will eat you alive and effect your birthing experience.

I had a lot of negativity from my mother the know it all. I'm a single mum who had a fast 1 labour and was advised to have a home birth because my second labour would probably be faster. Also being a pregnant single mum with a19 month old, I didn't want to have to spend time in the hospital or make arrangements for my older child. Going home after the first labour was a headache too and I just wanted to avoid all that second time around.

My mum was all doom and gloom "what if something goes wrong blah blah" it didn't (apart from the unplanned solo birthing part but thats a whole another story). Afterward it was so nice to be at home and just start mothering.

Home birthing in the UK I would have two highly trained midwives, a hospital 10 minutes away and 999 if needed. Birthing without fear starts with mum first. Trust your body and do what's right for you.


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