# At what age will you stop trying?



## mumoffive

I was thinking about this last night. I am not really bothered about me being pregnant health wise as i have had a baby concieved at 38 had when 39, then conceived at 39 and had at 40 and was fine but i am more worried about the risks of having a baby with issues iykwim. when will you say enough is enough?


----------



## Minno

Personally I am going to keep trying for as long as poss. I am desperate to have no 2 and am hurtling towards being 41 in a couple of months time. Hoping I still have time left but feeling a bit despondent about it all like it will never happen. I'm in good health and fit so I hope that if I am lucky enough to conceive again, things will be ok but I do realise there are increased risks of difficulties the older we get.


----------



## Minno

Mumoffive - do you mind me asking, how long did it take you to conceive when you were 39/40?


----------



## mumoffive

Not long. I conceived my ds on the second month ttc. However, i just had my dd 5 months prior to that so think i was very fertile. I have always caught on quick..but sadly, im 42 now and am finding it a lot harder. I am on my fifth month now ttc however, i did have a very early m/c after 2 months ttc, my first ever. It seems to be the scourge of being in your 40's, the more i read. I am feeling like you. I am so despondant now. Just feel like its never going to happen. I dont know when my cut off point will be. Just wondered how long everyone else would go on for. Goodluck x


----------



## babyanise

i am 43 and been thinking alot about this,i think i will give it a few more months then call it a day.


----------



## mumoffive

Anise really? I thought you were happy ntnp. Tbh, i think there will come a time where you just really want to 'get on with life' and forget it all. You just seem to put your life on hold dont you? even although you may not even be actively trying. You kind of just think about it. Really really hope you get your bfp Anise. x


----------



## Lyns

I'm currently 41, and I don't think we would ever prevent, but I think that as time goes on, we will know when the 'window has closed' so to speak.

In all honesty, i thought it had done, a few months back. I was diagnosed with cancer and told I was very likely to have to have radiotherapy, which would have been a natural end to it all for us anyway, and the thought of it wasn't quite as awful as I actually thought it would be. Again, I'm lucky that I'm not TTC no 1, as it will always make my daughter seem even more of a blessing. But I would always rather regret trying too long, than giving up too soon IYKWIM!!

If you asked me now.......I'd still say we had more chance of succeeding than not, although I don't always feel like that when AF pitches up!


----------



## inkdchick

I agree with Lyns time will tell me too im 43 and have been trying for two years and feel that im not ready to give up yet.
Minno it depends on the person tbh i am 43 and have been trying for 2 years and we are still trying so it really depends on the person good luck hun hope its really soon for you xx


----------



## Minno

Thanks for sharing Mumoffive - know just how you feel. I'm having a bad day. AF coming on and feeling rather hopeless about it all. I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help having a look at the ttc stats. Actually it was a little more encouraging than I expected with there being double the rates of women conceiving in their 40's than five years ago. Avge ttc is around 20-24 months for 40+ (with 1 in 20 chance each month) so I guess we all just have to keep on trying, hard though it is. I'm with Lyns for preferring to regret having tried too long than not long enough. But every month it gets harder and harder to pick myself up and look ahead.

Ladies - you are an inspiration. I will certainly keep going as long as I can and it will be much easier because I know I can count on all of you for support. Thanks so much xxx


----------



## Minno

INkdchick - good for you. It could be just around the corner. I read an article today by a fertility expert that said the worst thing you can do is give up, especially if you've been trying for ages as you may be closer to hitting the target than ever before.
Keep going girl! That goes for you too Anise :) xxx


----------



## Rumpskin

I will keep trying until hopefully I will get a little :baby: in my arms.

I am 39 btw x


----------



## serendippy

I think ill give up when im 45..i really cant see me still trying at that age, ill just learn to face the facts that ill never be a mother.

Im not in a good place at the mo cos i assume im ovulating this weekend and my OH refused to try cos of the chemical. Im dreading the next two weeks with the thought that i havent even got a chance this cycle.

Pissed off is an understatement!!


----------



## mumoffive

Oh Serendippy..is it cause he saw how upset you were after the chemical? I kind of tried to hide it a bit cause i was afraid my dh said to me 'well if it gets you this upset then i dont think we should try just incase it happens again' Actually, he almost said it :( Its so hard isnt it. Hope he changes his mind. x


----------



## serendippy

Its basically cos the doctor said we shudnt try this cycle and he thinks were more at risk from another one if we try straight after. Its taken us 12 months just to get one BFP, im not sure i can stand waiting another 12 months to get another one if we ever do of course.

I think all my positivity has flown off to be honest..feeling really down over it all...so much to the point i do kinda feel like giving up


----------



## Minno

So sorry to hear about your situ Serendippy. The whole ttc is so damn difficult for us older gals. I've never had a BFP in 20 months of trying so I imagine that having a chemical must be awful. Sometimes though, I've heard that your fertility is higher after a chemical or MC and maybe it would be worth a shot this month because of that if you feel you can and can convice DH. Lots of luck xxx


----------



## serendippy

Unfortunately Minno we dont live together yet so we have just missed our window which was this weekend. Nowt i can do now other than wish the next 2 weeks away until AF and then start next cycle. All this really sucks!!

Sorry for being so negative..think i need a kick up me backside lol xxxx


----------



## Minno

I certainly do! I am so full of self-pity right now. Hope the next two weeks flies by for all of us xxx


----------



## mumoffive

Well i have to say that your doctor seems to be going against current thinking. There was a report that said you should try right away!! You are more fertile seemingly. It didnt work for me but it may work for others. I know how you feel. I have been there. I had a chemical and it just takes the wind out of your sails. The only difference was i was only ttc for 2 mnths when i had mine. If i had been waiting longer i would have been even more devastated. For some strange reason this month, my fourth month ttc, it hit me SO hard when my af came. I have no idea why. I have found it so hard this month to pick myself up. I am now just on a negative spiral. I just cant help but think..whats the point? Its so very hard to keep your chin up month in, month out. x


----------



## ArticBaby

Sometimes I feel like giving up, till I hear/read success stories. But I will be 40 this dec and talk about the clock ticking:wacko:

I will give 2-3 years till I call it quits:cry:


----------



## mogsanddogs

i too will be stopping when im 45 in january and oh will be having a vasectomy .

we were desperate for a second child and had our son at 34 and tried for next 8 years without a bfp then got a bfp when i was 44 but mc at 9 weeks ,absloutely devastating.

we decided to keep trying for another few months and my cycle has finally returned to normal and am ov again but am not holding out much hope as apparently after 44 your chances nosedive to only a 1% chance every cycle .

but never say never that lucky egg might be just waiting for its chance:spermy:


----------



## truly_blessed

I don't think I even want to consider giving up just yet, we only really started after the MMC in Nov after 15 months of NTNP. I'm 41 in December and we're TTC our first so stopping trying just isn't going to be on the horizon for quite a while yet. 

In my wildest dreams I manage to fit 2 in before I turn 45 lol, if only it were that easy.

We will have success here, WE WILL :dust:


----------



## twinkle

Hi there, i was 44 2 weeks ago and have been trying for 3 years...although not very hard as dh works nights so alot of the time we have missed our good days!!! i am about to start acupuncture at a fertility clinic in London...and i also have another 2 months of clomid left after taking a break...so fingers crossed !!! but i will stop trying in 6 months and then aim to look for another job..am staying where i am at the mo as we have excellent maternity benefits. 
Oh sorry ps...neither me or dh have any previous children x


----------



## Jolinar

I'm very fortunate in that I have my beautiful boy (conceived at 38 first cycle). We're going to try for another next year but part of me wants to start now as I know it will probably take longer and I want to have the best possible chances of having one closer to 40. How long would we carry on for? I honestly don't know, we were very lucky with Nic, I'm not sure how I'd handle a longer ttc journey and I have total admiration for those that do stick with it.

Much :dust: to us all!


----------



## inkdchick

We decided last night that we are not going to stop til it happens it hink its the best way no pressure then :rofl:


----------



## inkdchick

twinkle said:


> Hi there, i was 44 2 weeks ago and have been trying for 3 years...although not very hard as dh works nights so alot of the time we have missed our good days!!! i am about to start acupuncture at a fertility clinic in London...and i also have another 2 months of clomid left after taking a break...so fingers crossed !!! but i will stop trying in 6 months and then aim to look for another job..am staying where i am at the mo as we have excellent maternity benefits.
> Oh sorry ps...neither me or dh have any previous children x

I wish you all the best Hun i am 44 in december , so nice to have someone my age still trying too (alas we live in london and no-one would help us at all and we have tried a f.s. and a doc who i have just changed but still no help ). so we are out on our own to prove (eventually hopefully ) them all wrong .xx


----------



## Minno

I know I keep saying this but honestly ladies, you are all such an inspiration. Mumoffive I completely hear you - I've also found it so difficult to pick myself up again this month. AF now in full flow :( I'm 41 in a couple of months and so just keep thinking that I'm running out of time. Its so great to come on here and listen to all of your stories - you give me so much hope. Maybe being 40 isn't as bad as I thought and I do have some time left xx


----------



## Lucy1973

I have only started TTC at 37, no children yet. I did want 3, but as getting no1 is proving alot more difficult than I expected, I would be very happy and blesssed with one or two. I feel fitter and healthier than I did in my 20's. I feel that even at 37, I still have a good few years left in me. :hugs:


----------



## glitterqueen

I will be 42 in dec been ttc for 5 years with bfp in jan but m/c at 8 weeks. I don't want to ever accept I will never be a mum. we decided to go for ivf starting monday but can only afford one go so praying hard. my oh is ten years younger so as long as i can manage to have a child he can do the night feeds etc lol. trying to stay positive, very hard sometimes but hope and pray we all get there xx


----------



## truly_blessed

glitterqueen said:


> I will be 42 in dec been ttc for 5 years with bfp in jan but m/c at 8 weeks. I don't want to ever accept I will never be a mum. we decided to go for ivf starting monday but can only afford one go so praying hard. my oh is ten years younger so as long as i can manage to have a child he can do the night feeds etc lol. trying to stay positive, very hard sometimes but hope and pray we all get there xx

lol I'm the same hun, he's 14 years younger so needs far less beauty sleep than I do. x


----------



## poppy666

Im 40 & had Korben back in March, now want to try one last time so just going to leave it to fate if its ment to be it will happen :hugs:


----------



## bdwell1904

I love ya'll ladies as it seems we lurk the same threads and have alot of the same issues. I am 44 and was NTNP when I got the hincky cycle in may/june. I keep telling myself I am not going to do this again (I was actively TTc in my late 20's for 5 yrs) I hate the way it made me feel every month. DH is 5 yrs younger, we have had 2 bfp ending in 2 mc. at 40 and 42. My grandmother had my uncle at 42. I keep hoping in the back of my mind and heart for a sticky bean, I dare not tell anyone but ya'll. I know, I know I am blessed with 3 great adult children. I would love so much to share a child with DH we love each other so much I couldn't imagine a greater blessing. Well enough of my pity party, but know my thoughts, prayers, and blessings go with you each daily


----------



## poppy666

Awww fingers crossed for you too :hugs:


----------



## Tishimouse

I started TTC at 45 when I got married for the first time. However stopped at 47 when nothing was happening, bloods showed I was in perimenopause stage and to be honest the stress of taking ownership of TTC and all the planning, responsibilities that go along with that took over my life. I was obsessed with it.

One year later, I have learned to cope with the fact that I will not be a mother (most of the time), but have a little wimper to myself as it's something out of my control, but nevertheless upsetting.

My SIL has just found out she is pregnant with No. 2 at age 41, so this should encourage those of you around this age.

For those in their late 30's ...... take it from me, you are still young enough to keep trying for a while yet and I sincerely wish you all the luck in the World.

Best wishes to you all :dust:


----------



## Omi

I have to be honest, that at 40 with 2 mc's under my belt (pants!) i have never contemplated stopping. EVER. Of course this might change the older i get but i have no intention of stopping until i actually have a baby or im really, really too old to feasible have one. 

My current plan is to keep trying, hopefully get pg and have baby and then try right away for another. Hope springs eternal, lol! :)


----------



## serendippy

Awww poppy ur baby is absoloutely gorgeous..what loverly eyes xxx


----------



## poppy666

Aww thanks Serendippy think Korben knows it too cos he already tries the look when he wants something lol x


----------



## serendippy

Lol yeh he does seem to have that cheeky boyish look about him..hes gonna be a handsome devil when hes older me thinks lol


----------



## poppy666

So how you feeling and hows the TTC going? sorry ive been stuck over in other thread everyone testing today for their AF's and a few got their BFP's already, im still waiting for the dreaded af x


----------



## carrieanne

giving up is not an option here ladies ! lol im 42 just had my 5th and wanting another so i would say keep going !!! xx


----------



## poppy666

carrieanne said:


> giving up is not an option here ladies ! lol im 42 just had my 5th and wanting another so i would say keep going !!! xx

WOW 5 at 42 gives me hope then :happydance:


----------



## carrieanne

thats what i like to hear lots of pma xx


----------



## poppy666

carrieanne said:


> thats what i like to hear lots of pma xx

So are you going to try very soon, well once your body has settled from having Alexander? x


----------



## serendippy

poppy666 said:


> So how you feeling and hows the TTC going? sorry ive been stuck over in other thread everyone testing today for their AF's and a few got their BFP's already, im still waiting for the dreaded af x

Sorry i didnt reply, i went a wandering lol. TTC is ok generally, tend to be a bit up and down with it at times (no pun intended lol). My cycle this month seems to be a bit weird prob cos i had a chemical last month. My temps are not reflecting what my body is doin so i think ive just got to wait this cycle out until AF comes and then start again.

I saw ur AF came, big hugs to ya and hope this next one is ur one xxxx


----------



## poppy666

Thanks :hugs: decided im going to buy a CBFM this month and try that, bit expensive but hopefully worth it x sorry for asking but whats a chemical im new to all this and learning everyday x


----------



## serendippy

A chemical is a very very early miscarriage..it tends to happen before week 6 so i beleive, before a heartbeat develops. I had faint positives but they didnt get any darker really, and then a few days later i got a negative. AF turned up a day or two after that. It was the first BFP ive ever had so i was elated lol, came down with a massive bump a few days later


----------



## poppy666

Ohhhh sweetie i bet that hurt one minute sooo excited then it be taken away just like that? im sorry & wish you all the luck in world that you get a :bfp: very soon :hugs:


----------



## serendippy

Thanks hunny xxx and u too xxx


----------



## JTDesigns

Hello Ladies,

I am new here, been lurking around a bit hehe but just wanted to say, Dont give Up!. I am 46 years old, 3 grown children and just became a first time grandma on Aug.5th:happydance: and this is my story. 

I have been perimenopause for a few years now which was fine with me because DH had a vasectomy after our third child was born some 21 years ago although we did regret rushing into it the way we did. Being perimenopause , my cycles have been a bit off at times then go back to normal so I didnt really think much of it when I missed AF in July. (was due July 10) 

I started to notice a few odd things like really sore bbs and I got really sick as well but still didnt pay much attention just chalked it up to the flu. Well around Aug. 2 I start to get a little spotting, very light and thought AF was finally showing but alas, no, lasted less then a day and so light hardly noticable. Then along comes my first grandson and he was born very sick (almost no platlets to speak of) so he had to stay in NICU fow 10 days and I was so caught up in everything that was going on, didnt think anymore about myself. 

Well after 2nd month of missing AF and 2 more bouts with nausa and throwing up and tummy problems and countinuing and might I say, very painful bbs I started thinking something isnt right here, so i bought one of those cheap storebrand tests and took it and it came back + !! OMG I was totally floored. After looking at about a hundred more times lol i still didnt believe it, couldnt believe it not after all this time so I went and did another the next day and + again! this was only a few days ago and I still cant believe it. I have an appt next week with ob so we will see but as of today, no AF and is looking like it is so. 

Long story short, at 46, a grandma ,perimenopause and a failed vasectomy that we didnt know about, all though I have suspected a few times over the yrs ( and NO, i have never in 27 years ever stepped out on hubby! he is the one and only : ) we are once again truly blessed with a little miracle form god so dont ever loose hope :flower:


----------



## mumoffive

What a lovely story...and congratulations :) What a precious miracle. I hope you have a healthy and happy 9 months. I have older children and was lucky to conceive my two toddlers in my late thirties. Am trying for another but after one m/c, nothing seems to be happening. Your story will fill us all with some much needed hope. xxx Thankyou. xxx


----------



## inkdchick

NOW !!!, i have had enough of getting things i never normally get and then i go to bed coz in knackered and with cramping and get up to still wet cm but with a brown tinge .!
I've had enough i really have perhaps they are right 43 is too old :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:


----------



## mumoffive

NO!!! dont say that! - How do you know its not implantation? Its usually brown tinged cm!!! Take a test, then you will know for sure. x


----------



## inkdchick

coz im 12dpo today i thought it was too late thats the only reason so i thought that i would sit tight for another 6/7 days and then test as the test will be a lot stronger by then and OH is away for four days next friday so that will take my mind of it as im having a girly few days with a friend and looking forward to it tbh so we will see but i will let you know . Thank you


----------



## coccyx

oh fingers crossed for you. I am 43 and my younger two are 4years and 2years. I know I don't want any more chidren as we have 4, and I just feel that is great. Although I do sometimes look ay baby bits in shops and think Maybe!
My friend married at 47 and had twins a year later much to her and hubby's surprise and delight


----------



## inkdchick

i dont know am just going to wait for a few more days 7 maybe and see what happens in between now and then thank you i love hearing success stories of my age group thank you
:flower: xx


----------

