# Things not to say to a premmie mummy - share your stories!



## katy1310

Ok....after a visit to the doctor today where he diagnosed reflux on Sophie and told me "It's because she was so premature...you didn't do your job properly and didn't keep her inside long enough so it's your fault", it's been suggested that we have a thread on what inappropriate comments people have made to us!

I will start with:


"Oh, you're so lucky you didn't have to push out a big 8lb baby"
"At least you're getting time to catch up on your sleep and you're missing the hard part"
"It can't be that difficult, she wasn't meant to be here yet anyway and you wouldn't have met her yet if you'd gone full term"

I'm sure there have been more things but I can't think of them right now! I think today's comment from the doctor is the worst I've had yet though!


----------



## MommyMichele

"what did you do to have him so early?"
"you shouldn't have more kids, they'll all be preemies"
"at least you won't have to worry about buying him clothes as fast"
"he'll be delayed"


----------



## clairec81

All of these things have really bugged me and the constant comments from strangers - she's so small - she cant be that age - like i dont know my daughters age! BUT i think the worse so far came from a group of 'friends'. One was pregnant and spent the whole time saying i hope i go early i cant stand much more of this, the baby's getting bigger everyday, i dont want a 10lb-er. Another friend who'd had a big baby replied - in front of me! - 'you will have a big baby as you've been really healthy throughout your pregnancy just like me'. I left feeling sorry for them for being so ignorant and pleased for them that they have never experienced an 'early' baby!
p.s. In the end she went 12 days over and had a 6lb baby - bang goes their theory! ha ha


----------



## AP

Me: "Alex was 3 months early"
Other Person: "Oh so was mine"

And then the other person gasps in shock at her photos . And turns out their baby wasnt that prem at all.

:nope: Dont get it, and I actually get this all the time.

Along with someone saying "oh my baby was earlier" like its a competition?!?!

Or the girl downstairs claiming her baby was a 22 weeker.....


----------



## AP

Oh and the classic
"She doesnt look 'disabled'"


----------



## katy1310

sb22 said:


> oh and the classic
> "she doesnt look 'disabled'"

what?????!


----------



## AP

Nearly threw the bitch down the stair!


----------



## Anna_due Dec

I hate the bit where people either don't say congratulations or say it but look uncomfortable about it.


----------



## kerry m

i always get "she doesn't look at prem baby she looks like a normal 4/5 month old"!!! what in their minds is a prem baby supposed to look like?!!!


----------



## katy1310

kerry m said:


> i always get "she doesn't look at prem baby she looks like a normal 4/5 month old"!!! what in their minds is a prem baby supposed to look like?!!!

Oh yes - I've had that too! Forgot about that one!


----------



## Mrs Doddy

Oh she looks like a doll :-(


----------



## Fiestagal

If anyone asks Connor's age I always end but saying 'he is x (age), but was small when he was born', I had a lady say her son was very small too at birth, so I said asked what weight, the reply was 'he was 6lb 12' !

I don't get the competitiveness over how premature babies are though. I was reading on another premature message board and it seemed people were having to justify their babies being prem as they were 'only 5 weeks early'. It was like they were being dismissed for worrying as their babies weren't as early as some of the babies.


----------



## pink.crazy

Can I ask, does anyone else find people constantly saying "Wow, doesn't s/he have good skin?!!?" like he shouldn't have or something....
My first baby had perfect skin, but no one commented then ???


----------



## hopedance

i hate it when people dismiss what we went through by interrupting and saying 'oh but he's fine now, isn't he!', as if just because he is okay now somehow discounts the trauma and upset of having a premature baby. 

i also hate it when i tell people i had severe preeclampsia and had sam prematurely say to me things like 'oh i know _just_ how you feel, i had sereve preeclampsia too at 38 weeks and had to be induced so i ended up in hospital for 3 days'. i know that can be so difficult for them, for multiple reasons, so not to discount their own difficult experience, but they can't claim to understand what it is like to have an early low birth weight baby who needs NICU/SCBU care for weeks.


----------



## Mrs Doddy

pink.crazy said:


> Can I ask, does anyone else find people constantly saying "Wow, doesn't s/he have good skin?!!?" like he shouldn't have or something....
> My first baby had perfect skin, but no one commented then ???


Yep I've had this too- I don't get it either !


----------



## AP

hopedance said:


> i hate it when people dismiss what we went through by interrupting and saying 'oh but he's fine now, isn't he!', as if just because he is okay now somehow discounts the trauma and upset of having a premature baby.

Thats the thing that gets me too. The experience of having a preemie doesnt stop when LO gets home.


----------



## Lianne1986

i knew sum1 who had her son at 28 weeks. i had tyler a year later and when he was born early she sed to friend. "well tyler isnt as poorly as reece was"

tyler was only a few days old at the time so it really upset me! 
yes ok tyler was only in scbu for 3 weeks but tht 3 weeks seemedlike a lifetime. :(


----------



## shreedhara12

One of my colleague said the other day
" good your daughter was premmie, my son was big and to get him out my wife had to have a sutcher and believe me it so painful"


AND

My colleague wife- " how long was your wife carrying"
Me - " 25 weeks 3 days"
My colleague wife- " lucky to be releived of the sagging pain and all the stretch marks"


----------



## katy1310

shreedhara12 said:


> One of my colleague said the other day
> " good your daughter was premmie, my son was big and to get him out my wife had to have a sutcher and believe me it so painful"
> 
> 
> AND
> 
> My colleague wife- " how long was your wife carrying"
> Me - " 25 weeks 3 days"
> My colleague wife- " lucky to be releived of the sagging pain and all the stretch marks"

I get those ones too - I'd forgotten about that....people telling me how lucky I was not to go through the final months of pregnancy, not to have to put up with the discomfort etc.....well I'd rather have gone through some discomfort myself than watch my tiny little daughter fighting in neonatal with all those tubes and needles etc :( I'm sure your wife is the same. xxx


----------



## katy1310

Mrs Doddy said:


> pink.crazy said:
> 
> 
> Can I ask, does anyone else find people constantly saying "Wow, doesn't s/he have good skin?!!?" like he shouldn't have or something....
> My first baby had perfect skin, but no one commented then ???
> 
> 
> Yep I've had this too- I don't get it either !Click to expand...

Me too - people ALWAYS say that about Sophie - and I've just remembered that when she was first born and my mum was showing people photos of her, they said to her "Oh I thought she would have transparent skin but she doesn't".


----------



## Laura2919

The twins came out of hospital at 34 weeks gestation weighing only in the 4lbs! I used to get ahh I cant remember when mine were that small. My reply would be, how big were they and I'd get a stupid comment like 7lb.. Well then they wouldnt ever be this small love cos they are only 4lb! Errr


----------



## Lottie86

Hmmm well mine aren't all down to him being prem but I am sick to death of people's stupid comments.


_"oh well he was only 5 weeks early my baby was 1/2/3 weeks premature and they are fine"_

_"Them: How old is he
Me: almost 17 months
Them: But he's tiny, was he prem? How much did he weigh? What does he weigh now?
Me: yes 5 weeks prem, he was 5lb 7oz, he's now 13lb 3oz
Them: oh so he wasn't properly prem then, do you feed him?"__

What exactly is 'properly prem' in the publics mind I wonder??

"at least you didn't have to go overdue"


"you're so lucky you had a csection and didn't have to push a big baby out"_

When taking him on a trip to Mothercare when we were allowed to take him out of the hospital for a few hours I had someone stop me about Findlay and I was just so so stressed with everything I snapped :blush:

_Them: Why does he have a tube in his nose
Me: he has severe gastro oesophageal reflux disease 
Them: oh my little one had reflux, was sick all the time after a bottle, had meds etc
Me: He has 22ml dripped in 0.25ml at a time over an hour 24/7 through his feeding pump and he still cannot keep even that small amount down, he vomits over 100 times a day, vomits blood, screams in agony 24/7, is losing dangerous amounts of weight, he is awaiting major surgery so that he physically cannot vomit and the hospital have said that we are just trying to keep him going until the surgery.
Them: Reflux is nothing to worry about though and he'll grow out of it
Me: Incredulous stare thinking WTF?!?!?!_

I hate it when people tell me they 'totally understand' about the reflux as yes I am not saying their LO doesn't/didn't have bad reflux but reflux and GORD are different and even the hospital were shocked by the severity of his GORD. It's never good when the radiologist is doing his barium study and goes 'wow'. I suppose that it is like most things though and unless you have been in the exact situation you can never fully understand. 


The one that annoys me at the moment is people saying _"well he looks normal/fine/happy" _as if somehow I must be making up all his medical problems just because his chromosome abnormality doesn't produce distinguishing features and because he is very smiley. 
If he had Down Syndrome people would see he looked 'different' and everyone has heard of it so knows what it is and people wouldn't be so quick to come out with all the _'oh he'll be 6ft tall and a rugby player before you know it' _or _'he'll catch up and be absolutely fine'_ which really annoys me. 

It's amazing how the geneticist doesn't know what the future holds for Findlay as his chromosome abnormality is so so rare that he is going to write an article for a medical journal about him but some family members (all my OH's family and some of mine) and the general public apparently know exactly what the future holds :wacko:


----------



## maisiemoo

I'm getting sick of people telling me how small Olivia is. When i tell them her actual age, i just get an "oh". 

One lady said "oh 7 weeks, it's not that early...that's fine"

Olivia was also born with a problem with her oesophagus (it didn't join to her tummy), so after having surgery she's left with something called a TOF cough, which is quite a loud bark :) Anyways, I attended a music class yesterday morning and Olivia was coughing (i'm so used to it, i just ignore it now), the ladies next me actually moved their babies away and made it quite obivous why. I was too upset to say anything....


----------



## Kitty23

Eugh why do people have to say offensive things

Because Noah is alot bigger than Poppy I get so many comments about how tiny she is or how premature she looks or she's so skinny etc etc etc

Really pisses me off, why cant they just say congrats they are beautiful! Or people saying Poppy looks like a little doll or once like a little old man :growlmad: that really pissed me off!

Or yeah people saying "oh I had a 10lber at least you didnt have to push them out" or " well having them in the SCBU was a rest for you :dohh:"

xxx


----------



## hopedance

kitty, that's another one that drives me mad, people thinking that having them in SCBU is a rest. especially when expressing milk every few hours during the night (and day!) but not being able to nap with baby during the day, because it's not like you can kip down in the hospital for a cuddle and a nap. you just end up awake day and night getting more and more emotional and exhausted.


----------



## katy1310

hopedance said:


> kitty, that's another one that drives me mad, people thinking that having them in SCBU is a rest. especially when expressing milk every few hours during the night (and day!) but not being able to nap with baby during the day, because it's not like you can kip down in the hospital for a cuddle and a nap. you just end up awake day and night getting more and more emotional and exhausted.

Ha, yes, getting up to express in the night with no baby there is awful :( Week after week of getting up in the night just to express when you're already exhausted. I used to get so upset with anyone saying it was a rest, or we were missing the hard part - especially when our hospital was a 120 mile round trip from home...we were completely exhausted, both emotionally and physically. DH ended up signed off work with stress not long before Sophie got home, and when he went back, he overheard one of his colleagues saying they couldn't understand why he was signed off, what was there to be stressed about, especially now because Sophie is fine and getting home soon! I was sooooo mad! That stupid woman didn't have to go through watching her daughter stop breathing mid-feed and go blue (that was just 2 weeks before she got home, not exactly "fine now" just because she was in SCBU rather than ICU or HDU!) or have talk of her daughter going home on oxygen... he'd almost lost his wife AND baby, had 12 weeks of neonatal, prior to that 2 weeks of daily hospital visits 60 miles away for scans...it's going to take its toll sooner or later!


----------



## Laura2919

Kitty23 said:


> Eugh why do people have to say offensive things
> 
> Because Noah is alot bigger than Poppy I get so many comments about how tiny she is or how premature she looks or she's so skinny etc etc etc
> 
> Really pisses me off, why cant they just say congrats they are beautiful! Or people saying Poppy looks like a little doll or once like a little old man :growlmad: that really pissed me off!
> 
> Or yeah people saying "oh I had a 10lber at least you didnt have to push them out" or " well having them in the SCBU was a rest for you :dohh:"
> 
> xxx

I got that!!! Some lady said Ahhh I bet it was nice to have them in NNU so you could catch up on your rest.. Yeah love I did a lot of that... STUPID COW!


----------



## 25weeker

Thankfully no one who knows me has said anything stupid but someone who asked me how old Holly was said to her 'did you just want to come out and see the world' I did think if you had seen what she had to go through to survive instead of having a nice relaxing time in my belly you wouldn't say she chose it!

Didn't say anything though because before this I was oblivious to the preemie world.


----------



## mammyy

i hated it when people say how tiny and ask how old. then look at you asif you have lost the plot when you tell them
and i dont know how people think you get a rest when you're baby/babies are in there, its awful leaving them in hospital, people should understand that

xx


----------



## bathbabe

i was in boots picking up Harrison reflux meds when he was 2months old, and some woman said "he doesnt look ill! How old is he about 2 weeks? And your pumping him full of drugs already!" i stood there stunned for a while before saying "actually hes is 2months old, and if you would like to come do all my washing and cleaning because he has puked all over my 3rd outfit of the day the floor needs scrubbing AGAIN and my sofa cushions need cleaning for the second time this week, because actually he isnt very well! So keep your nose out" i was shaking when i walked away. Stupid woman. I also hate it when people say he looks like a doll, or he looks like a 'proper' boy now! Opposed to what?! Grr! And he was no where near as small as some of your babies! 5lb 3oz at his smallest xxx


----------



## dainti2001

when the family came to see her they were like:
''baby anabell (doll) is bigger than her''
''where are u gonna find clothes to fit her'' (as if she's going to stay that way)
''she is gonna have so many problems'' (speaking from no personal experience)
''what did u do why u had her early, did u fall''
''she is going to be slow in school''

aaaarrrrgggghh!!!


----------



## Sugarmuppet

As well as the usual ones at the beginning, yesterday while out for lunch, random woman comes over...

'you do know that the weaning guidlines are to wait until 6 months, and certainly nothing before 4 months!' (Gaby was sitting on my lap eating a banana!) 

Grrrrrr, she's not that little!!! Okay maybe she is, but keep your nose out!!!!!

Anyway I just said, 'she's nearly 8 months' and the woman walked away while saying 'maybe you should be feeding her more then!' :growlmad:


----------



## 25weeker

I haven't fed my lo outside because she is small and people would probably ask why am I feeding my 2 month old baby even though she is 5 months corrected and 8 1/2 actual! :rofl:


----------



## AP

I didnt feed outside either, I knew what people were thinking when i did once! People make judgements too quick.

I had a neonatal doctor yesterday practically blaming me for Alex not being able to take lumpy food, and compared her to her own 1 year old term baby. i am still spitting bullets.


----------



## Lianne1986

sb22 said:


> .I had a neonatal doctor yesterday practically blaming me for Alex not being able to take lumpy food, and compared her to her own 1 year old term baby. i am still spitting bullets.

omg thats terrible. did u say anything to her 

:hugs:


----------



## AP

Think I bloody will!


----------



## Lianne1986

sb22 said:


> Think I bloody will!

too bloody right u shud. there is no need for rudeness like tht, is she the normal dr u see? x


----------



## Mumof42009

Doctors are the worst when i was pregnant with ds and went in due to suspected abruption, he goes why did they bloody sterilise you after you had your 1st premature baby? I was in so much shock I couldn't even say anything back.
People saying oh he was only 5 weeks premature but they didn't see him scbu for 4 weeks nearly dying because of his severe allergy's.


----------



## Olivias_mum

i got the ''she doesnt look like a prem baby she looks normal'' one yesterday, from a midwife at the early pregnancy unit!!!


----------



## Olivias_mum

oo and ''its nothing to do with her being prem why she isnt crawling yet its all about how much time you spend with her, my daughter was crawling at 8 months and i never put her down'' i nearly screamed!!


----------



## lizziedripping

It amazes me how ignorant people are, and how they don't really understand what having a preemie means. In fairness, before I had babies, I didn't realise either, but I atleast had the good sense to keep my mouth shut!!!

Noenatal nurse NICU - "How much did she weigh at birth?"
Me - "1Ib 7ozs!"
Nurse - "That's teeny. Personally I have no idea what that's like - all mine have been big, healthy 9/10Ibers"

Another nurse - "This baby was meant to still be tucked up warm and safe inside your body, instead she's lying in a plastic box on a machine, and exposed to the world far too soon - you can't expect to get away with that scot free!"

Un-bloody-believable!!!!!! But sadly true :(

Don't worry girls. Hold your heads up proud that you fought the NICU battle with dignity and bravery. They can't touch us! x


----------



## Foogirl

I'm guilty of saying most of the "inappropriate" things before others get the chance. Of course it was horriffic having Abby so early, but she would have been hoooooooge if she'd gone to term. And it _was_ useful to be able to recover from the C-section. But of course, it is one thing to think these things ourselves and quite another to have others thinking them for us! I see them as the silver lining to a very big cloud. I certainly wouldn't expect other preemie mums to feel the same way and it goes without saying, I'd much rather have had her on or after her due date.

I don't think anyone has been wholly inappropriate but the one thing I did get sick of hearing was "oh, my auntie/sister/neice/friend/neighbour's had a premature baby" and you get the whole story followed by "he's a strapping 6 footer now"

I swear, there must be some genetic link between tall people and premature birth as according to everyone I've spoken to, the preemie they know/had is now over 6ft tall. I think I'm going to suggest Bliss do the research!


----------



## hopedance

lol Foogirl!!!

When Sam was 6 months, he had a strange 'episode' while he was sucking on an apple. We took him to the out of hours doctor, who the moment we mentioned he'd been sucking an apple was like 'he's not old enough!' and swung around to Sam's notes on the computer saying that he was too early to be eating etc etc. When he realised he was 6 months, he was just like '....oh..'


----------



## 25weeker

Foogirl said:


> I don't think anyone has been wholly inappropriate but the one thing I did get sick of hearing was "oh, my auntie/sister/neice/friend/neighbour's had a premature baby" and you get the whole story followed by "he's a strapping 6 footer now"
> 
> I swear, there must be some genetic link between tall people and premature birth as according to everyone I've spoken to, the preemie they know/had is now over 6ft tall. I think I'm going to suggest Bliss do the research!

I have had a few of these except I have been told they are 5/6/7 and the tallest in the class! To have the giant gene you must have to be born small. Not sure what happened me though as I was only 4lb when born and was a midget at school :rofl:


----------



## Angelihelen

Hello all, I'm new, got a 25 weeker who we took home for the very first time last night (oh my god!) and just wanted to let you knowm on stumbling across this site, how SO VERY relateable this thread is....

My dental nurse, 2 weeks into having my daughter, I was barely able to speak for blubbing , but had to have an emergency filling , said " Oh bet you're pleased you dont' have so much baby weight to lose!" 

Yep, wish I'd had the balls to say "Actually, I'd give another 20 stone to lose if it meant I didn't have to watch my baby in intensive care." Or something . I didn't of course, as I am too polite. But inside I was seething. 

But they don't get it do they? They just don't understand what it's like. 

And why would they. Sigh....

Oh and I did laugh at the strapping 6 footer comment Foogirl!

It's amazing how many people know babies born at 23 weeks who are now 'perfectly norma;' whatever that means. I feel compelled to tell people it's not just about them getting bigger and weighing more. But they still don't get it. The amount of people obsessed with how much my daughter weighs is unbelievable. Bless em, I think they just don't know what to say.


----------



## Foogirl

Angelihelen said:


> Hello all, I'm new, got a 25 weeker who we took home for the very first time last night (oh my god!) and just wanted to let you knowm on stumbling across this site, how SO VERY relateable this thread is....

Welcome Angelihelen! Congratulations on your LO and getting them home. Stick around and have a good natter with us.

Oh, and we all go very gooey over the ickle teeny tiny ones so you absolutely must share your story and some photos on the "introduce your preemie" thread. Many of us are feeling very broody!


----------



## Elveneye

Oh god, I'm well pissed off now after reading all these posts.. Mrrrrrh, people can be inconsiderate!


1. "You should be damn happy, at least you didn't have to suffer the last weeks of pregnancy"
- Happy?! Why would I be happy? My pregnancy got interrupted, I had to gather up all the strenght within me to be able to transform into a mother 2 months too soon. My body wasn't ready yet, my mind wasn't prepared for it, my home wasn't furnished for a baby. After giving birth to my child she was taken away from me, I didn't get to see her for over 24hours! From that moment onwards, my baby belonged to the hospital, I was the visitor who occasionally go to take that tiny fragile creature in my arms. I would much rather had suffered all the back-and stomach aches, badly slept nights and impatience in the world than watched the poor, tiny child surrounded with these wires and peeping monitors.

2. "She doesn't even look premature"
- What is a premature baby supposed to look like then? Preemies look just like term babies, just smaller.

3. "It's the same change to your life as having a normal baby added to your family, preemie or not. "
- Wow, you really don't know what prematurity brings with it.. It does change your life in a whole different way when you need to be scared every day, wondering how your own child is doing. Never mind the constant running to the hospital and back home again. We pretty much lived in that hospital, in that teeny tiny coffee room. We sat there on that red leather sofa and cried, cried, cried.. If you couldn't find me there, I was sitting next to my wee girl's incubator with my hand gently stroking her little belly. And there too, I just cried. I cried until I ran out of tears. I very much doubt that having a term baby includes all this.. Or are you telling me it does?

4. "My co-worker/friend/godparent/cousin/neighbour had a preemie and now she/he is absolutely fine."
- Am I saying something different then? Of course my child will be "just fine", if only she can hang in there, if she'll survive.

5. "When is she coming home"
- People really should not ask this from a parent that has a preemie still in the hospital. When your child is in the hospital, you know nothing about anything. The hospital staff isn't telling you anything, doesn't guess, estimate or promise. Everything happens a day at a time. 

6. "Have you been breastfeeding her/are you still strong enough to try breastfeeding her" 
- Oh that pissed me off so much. We struggled so much with the feeding to begin with, and family&friends wouldn't leave me alone about it. Of course I was strong enough to try, of course I tried to breastfeed her. What wouldn't a mother do for her child?!

7. "Is the nosetube still in? It's been there for so long, are they still not taking it out"
- Oh my dear god. Of course the tube was still there, if the poor wee thing can't eat on her own yet! What, should I just have let her die because the tube bothered you? See, it took over 3 weeks for Sophia to learn to eat, until then it was a struggle and she kept falling asleep, crying and turning all cold and blue. She just didn't have enough energy in her to maintain her body temperature whilst eating - had to give up one or the other, hence the tube. It kept my baby alive, that's why it was still there.

8. "But in the end, this went pretty well. You got to recover from the birth whilst your baby was in the hospital" 
- Well?! I would rather have recovered at home whilst taking care of my baby than running back and forth between the hospital and the house. That didn't help my recovery, never having time to eat, sleep or rest. I had to walk hundreds of stairs every day and stand by the incubator for most of my days. Does this sound like an easy recovery? .. Exactly.

9. "But surely with modern technology she should be able to come home sooner"
- Well surely modern technology can't affect on her growth. If she simply doesn't have enough energy to eat and hold her body temperature above freezing simultaneously, surely all the machines in the world can't help that. The technology might save you, yes, if you have difficulties breathing like many preemies do. But in our case the modern technology made fuck all difference.


----------



## Foogirl

:hugs:Elveneye:hugs:

It's so horrific isn't it.

The things people say.....:dohh:


----------



## katy1310

Elveneye, you have summed up exactly my feelings surrounding some of the things people have said to me.

I had a couple more things this week. My mum's just been in for a hip operation, and I gave her a photo of Sophie to keep beside her bed. The number of nurses who said to her "Oh, she doesn't look like a premature baby" is unreal! 

Also, someone the other day said to me that her friend's granddaughter got a tooth the other week. "Hasn't Sophie got one yet?" she said. "Jane's daughter is only a week older than Sophie. If she's got one, I'd have thought Sophie should have one by now as well". I asked if it was going by Sophie's actual age or her corrected age. Yep, you've guessed it, her actual age. She better not say anything about Sophie's developmental milestones compared to Jane's baby! Jane's baby and Sophie are both 7 months, but Sophie should only be 4 months! Big difference. I know some babies are even born with a tooth, but it was just her saying that this baby is just a week older than Sophie and comparing them that made me angry! Sophie will do everything in her own good time!


----------



## felicitycp

Hello everyone, I am newbie. I had my little boy William on 25th August, 9 weeks early.

The most awful thing ever said to me was by my Mother in Law, who used to scream "dont drop him" everytime I picked him up.

The other was from a nurse who had come to fetch some milk from me I told her it was in the fridge, she came back witht the milk I had spent ages expressing and said "is this it? he is'nt going to get fat on that"

A doctor also cornered me when I had visitors once by his incubator and said "We are going to start feeding him formula because we are on day 4 and can't wait around for you any more" meaning my breast milk.


----------



## katy1310

felicitycp said:


> Hello everyone, I am newbie. I had my little boy William on 25th August, 9 weeks early.
> 
> The most awful thing ever said to me was by my Mother in Law, who used to scream "dont drop him" everytime I picked him up.
> 
> The other was from a nurse who had come to fetch some milk from me I told her it was in the fridge, she came back witht the milk I had spent ages expressing and said "is this it? he is'nt going to get fat on that"
> 
> A doctor also cornered me when I had visitors once by his incubator and said "We are going to start feeding him formula because we are on day 4 and can't wait around for you any more" meaning my breast milk.

Hi and welcome :) Hope William is doing well xxx


----------



## Foogirl

felicitycp said:


> Hello everyone, I am newbie. I had my little boy William on 25th August, 9 weeks early.
> 
> The most awful thing ever said to me was by my Mother in Law, who used to scream "dont drop him" everytime I picked him up.
> 
> The other was from a nurse who had come to fetch some milk from me I told her it was in the fridge, she came back witht the milk I had spent ages expressing and said "is this it? he is'nt going to get fat on that"
> 
> A doctor also cornered me when I had visitors once by his incubator and said "We are going to start feeding him formula because we are on day 4 and can't wait around for you any more" meaning my breast milk.

That's shocking. I can't believe the medical staff treated you that way. I'd put in a complaint about that.

My MIL was the same whenever Mr Foo picked up Abby she was "watch her head" :dohh: We'd had 6 fekking weeks watched by trained professionals - I think we knew what we were doing by then!!


----------



## embojet

felicitycp said:


> Hello everyone, I am newbie. I had my little boy William on 25th August, 9 weeks early.
> 
> The most awful thing ever said to me was by my Mother in Law, who used to scream "dont drop him" everytime I picked him up.
> 
> The other was from a nurse who had come to fetch some milk from me I told her it was in the fridge, she came back witht the milk I had spent ages expressing and said "is this it? he is'nt going to get fat on that"
> 
> A doctor also cornered me when I had visitors once by his incubator and said "We are going to start feeding him formula because we are on day 4 and can't wait around for you any more" meaning my breast milk.

:hi: and congratulations! I had this with my milk too, the exact same comment 'is that it?'. That drop took me 4 hours of pumping in tears.


----------



## vicky84

some one told me how distressing my photos of my little girl are - see sig pic - she just looks like a normal baby only small! Dunno what they expect at 12 week early. i was just like well yeah i needed to hear that cos it wasnt distressing for me at all - idiots.


----------



## AP

Aw Vicky! Distressing? Thats ridiculous. :nope: shes just a ickle ickle baby!
Emily looks bloody great btw! xxxx


----------



## Foogirl

vicky84 said:


> some one told me how distressing my photos of my little girl are - see sig pic - she just looks like a normal baby only small! Dunno what they expect at 12 week early. i was just like well yeah i needed to hear that cos it wasnt distressing for me at all - idiots.

She is just lovely.

Can I also say, I love your blinkie - very funny. It must be quite a conversation piece to have two children with less than 9 months between them! I'd imagine that's quite a rarity!:happydance:


----------



## vicky84

just under 8 month lol! But not many people believe it lol some say "are you sure?" lol - yeah duh i was there for both lol!!!

and thankyou, she is doing amazingly well shes awake lots now and feeding off me


----------



## Foogirl

vicky84 said:


> just under 8 month lol! But not many people believe it lol some say "are you sure?" lol - yeah duh i was there for both lol!!!
> 
> and thankyou, she is doing amazingly well shes awake lots now and feeding off me

That's excellent! It's great when they have a go for the first time isn't it!


----------



## deobi

"It must be so easy for you, you don't have to deal the sleep deprivation of having a newborn at home. By the time you bring the baby home the hard part will be over"

Oh ya! You wouldn't believe how well you sleep when your baby is in an incubator 30mins away and there is nothing you can do for him. Toss in the fact you can't even hold you own child and it's a cake walk isn't it!?! (note: dripping with sarcasm) :)

Preemie moms are tough as nails!


----------



## AP

We sure are, we have no choice :)

Welcome over deobi


----------



## Foogirl

deobi said:


> "It must be so easy for you, you don't have to deal the sleep deprivation of having a newborn at home. By the time you bring the baby home the hard part will be over"
> 
> Oh ya! You wouldn't believe how well you sleep when your baby is in an incubator 30mins away and there is nothing you can do for him. Toss in the fact you can't even hold you own child and it's a cake walk isn't it!?! (note: dripping with sarcasm) :)
> 
> Preemie moms are tough as nails!

Not to mention the middle of the night phone calls telling you there is a problem.

Oh and the fact you jump every time the phone rings. Not very relaxing:dohh:


----------



## katy1310

Foogirl said:


> deobi said:
> 
> 
> "It must be so easy for you, you don't have to deal the sleep deprivation of having a newborn at home. By the time you bring the baby home the hard part will be over"
> 
> Oh ya! You wouldn't believe how well you sleep when your baby is in an incubator 30mins away and there is nothing you can do for him. Toss in the fact you can't even hold you own child and it's a cake walk isn't it!?! (note: dripping with sarcasm) :)
> 
> Preemie moms are tough as nails!
> 
> Not to mention the middle of the night phone calls telling you there is a problem.
> 
> Oh and the fact you jump every time the phone rings. Not very relaxing:dohh:Click to expand...

Oh yes, I will never forget the feeling my first morning out of hospital after having Sophie, and the phone rang quite early but we couldn't find it, and it was an Edinburgh number....a bit of raking about told us it was the number for neonatal. We were soooo scared! Turned out it was just them asking if we were going up that day as the breastmilk supply was running out, but you can imagine the fright we got before we found that out! xx


----------



## Sugarmuppet

katy1310 said:


> Oh yes, I will never forget the feeling my first morning out of hospital after having Sophie, and the phone rang quite early but we couldn't find it, and it was an Edinburgh number....a bit of raking about told us it was the number for neonatal. We were soooo scared! Turned out it was just them asking if we were going up that day as the breastmilk supply was running out, but you can imagine the fright we got before we found that out! xx

That happened to us too. We left the hospital about 8pm and decided to stop at my Mums on the way home, as we hadn't eaten that day she made us dinner and we didn't get home until about 12pm. Missed call from the hospital at 9pm and a message on the answering machine. I got into such a panic and coudn't work the answering machine, I was screaming at OH to get it working! Turned out they just wanted to know if it was okay to give Gaby a dummy. What a fright. :(


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

vicky84 said:


> some one told me how distressing my photos of my little girl are - see sig pic - she just looks like a normal baby only small! Dunno what they expect at 12 week early. i was just like well yeah i needed to hear that cos it wasnt distressing for me at all - idiots.

:nope: My DD isn't a preemie, but I thought I'd let you know that your little girl is beyond beautiful, not distressing. :hugs:


----------



## Foogirl

Sugarmuppet said:


> That happened to us too. We left the hospital about 8pm and decided to stop at my Mums on the way home, as we hadn't eaten that day she made us dinner and we didn't get home until about 12pm. Missed call from the hospital at 9pm and a message on the answering machine. I got into such a panic and coudn't work the answering machine, I was screaming at OH to get it working! Turned out they just wanted to know if it was okay to give Gaby a dummy. What a fright. :(

I'm sorry, but visualising this made me giggle. I can just imagine it.:haha:

But I'm certain it was far from funny at the time.:hugs:


----------



## okciv

I think I have a good one - not what they said but what they wrote in my DD's notes this week. Turns out they like to write about me instead of writing about how my DD is doing :(
Apparently I am emotional, not coping well and they feel I am 'slowly sinking'
Hmmm wonder how they would cope with a 4 year old, losing one twin and sitting looking at the back of my other DD's head for 6 hours at a time and feeling so helpless at not being able to be a mum to her :(
I actually think I AM coping pretty well!! Still really annoyed me though


----------



## Foogirl

okciv said:


> I think I have a good one - not what they said but what they wrote in my DD's notes this week. Turns out they like to write about me instead of writing about how my DD is doing :(
> Apparently I am emotional, not coping well and they feel I am 'slowly sinking'
> Hmmm wonder how they would cope with a 4 year old, losing one twin and sitting looking at the back of my other DD's head for 6 hours at a time and feeling so helpless at not being able to be a mum to her :(
> I actually think I AM coping pretty well!! Still really annoyed me though

:hugs:

Where about in Scotland are you?


----------



## okciv

Foogirl said:


> Where about in Scotland are you?

I'm in Fife so my DD is in Forth Park (if you have heard of it?)


----------



## 25weeker

How is eve doing? Been thinking about you both xx


----------



## katy1310

I've got two new ones:

"Sophie couldn't have been any more premature and still lived"

and

when my mum was telling my brother that Sophie's had her first cold and that we'd been really worried about her getting a cold with her being premature etc, he said "Oh but she's not premature now, babies get colds all the time and it's no big deal". Yes, maybe no big deal if you have a muckle big full term baby like they did!


----------



## AP

:dohh: why do people think now they arent newborns, that the whole thing is over?!??!

I've just had my usual FB friend throw in her usual remark about how her (full term) LO can do what alex is doing, and has done for ages.

That's it. Delete button got hit! :rofl:


----------



## Foogirl

okciv said:


> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> Where about in Scotland are you?
> 
> I'm in Fife so my DD is in Forth Park (if you have heard of it?)Click to expand...

I have heard of it. How is the unit in there?


----------



## Angelihelen

Had to share, my M in law said the other day, and bearing in mind she's the biggest drama queen in the entire world and it's always all about her said;

"Do you know the very worst thing, the VERY worst thing about my grandaugter being in special care for so long ((12 wks)) was that I (this in bold!) couldn't hold her. I'd see my neigbour with her grandchild ansd all the mums walkign to school past my house with their babies and knew that I couldn't even cuddle my own grandaughter."

As it is mother in law, i'd say the VERY worst thing about MY daughter being in special care was watching her stop breathing, need multiple blood transfusions, have a major heart defect..etc etc. Strange that....:cry:

Incidentally, my daughter is home now and was 17 weeks yesterday and is doing really well and i LOVE HER SO MUCH! xx


----------



## Foogirl

DP


----------



## Foogirl

Angelihelen said:


> Had to share, my M in law said the other day, and bearing in mind she's the biggest drama queen in the entire world and it's always all about her said;
> 
> "Do you know the very worst thing, the VERY worst thing about my grandaugter being in special care for so long ((12 wks)) was that I (this in bold!) couldn't hold her. I'd see my neigbour with her grandchild ansd all the mums walkign to school past my house with their babies and knew that I couldn't even cuddle my own grandaughter."
> 
> As it is mother in law, i'd say the VERY worst thing about MY daughter being in special care was watching her stop breathing, need multiple blood transfusions, have a major heart defect..etc etc. Strange that....:cry:


My mother in law was similarly self involved. She was going through some difficult times caring for my FIL who ended up in a care home aged 66, and when Abby was born early, she actually said "I could be doing without all this, on top of everything else I have to go through"

It is the closest I have come to hitting a family member.

She also compared my husband having to hot foot it to london (500 miles away) when I was admitted with bleeding, and then him having to go to and from the hospital to see to me (and Abby) as well as having to go to work and keep the house running, to her (whilst retired) visiting her husband every day for an hour. She actually said to him "at least you know it won't be for long, I have no idea how long I'll have to be visiting your dad" When she told me she had said that to him I told that was really offensive but she refused to accept it.:growlmad:



Angelihelen said:


> Incidentally, my daughter is home now and was 17 weeks yesterday and is doing really well and i LOVE HER SO MUCH! xx

:happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## mummyvikki

I had 1 in a lift " awww he looks like a doll "
yes mate cause i happily push a doll round town

Second 1 " Awww why was he early'
Me: " they dont really know '
Person: "something you did maybe"

Arrrghhhhh the inconsiderate cow bags x


----------



## Angelihelen

Ah Vikki, I've had that too, the old "Perhaps it was something you did" thing. WISH i had the balls to say "Yeah, probably all the lager and fags I was having." But don't think that would help! :haha:

I don't understand how it wouldn't occur to someone that that's really quite an insensitive thing to say? Like I don't carry enough irrational guilt as it is. It just happened sadly, and there's nothing I can do about it.


----------



## Foogirl

"Something you did" ?????

Never had that one but for sure would respond "Yeah, I don't think the Crack Cocaine helped":happydance:


----------



## nineena

my hubbys grandma told me Ella was born early and with all her problems because i'm overweight....thanks


----------



## lil-star

Ohh how early was he?
10 weeks early
Ohh that's not too bad is it...babies can be born at 27 weeks 
He was the size of a 26 weeker because he stopped growing...
*silence

NOT TOO BAD, swear to god some people....


----------



## mom2eight

I am glad to see people who felt the same way I did. My daughter was born at 31 weeks and spent a month in the NICU. The comments people made never made me feel better only reminded me that I had pre eclampsia and she came early..!! I had to be put to sleep for the delivery so I woke up to my Husband and my brother not my baby. She is 14 months old now and on her 1st birthday my brother had to remind me he was the second person to see my daughter when she was born. I think I was the 4th. As you can see it still bothers me 'just a tiny bit" still. People need to think before they speak!


----------



## Foogirl

mom2eight said:


> I am glad to see people who felt the same way I did. My daughter was born at 31 weeks and spent a month in the NICU. The comments people made never made me feel better only reminded me that I had pre eclampsia and she came early..!! I had to be put to sleep for the delivery so I woke up to my Husband and my brother not my baby. She is 14 months old now and on her 1st birthday my brother had to remind me he was the second person to see my daughter when she was born. I think I was the 4th. As you can see it still bothers me 'just a tiny bit" still. People need to think before they speak!

If my brother said that, he'd get a thumping. There is no excuse for such insensitivity.:nope:


----------



## angelstardust

I liked the comments about them growing up big and strong. Liked being reminded that they wouldn't be tiny, fragile babies forever and a little glimpse into a future where I didn't have to worry all the time (ha! yeah, as if!). I also took the 'looks like a doll' comments to mean they were perfect looking (no random glob of snot or flakey bit of dry skin hanging over their eye). 

I did (and still do) hate it when people say I was lucky because they had horrific heartburn from 36 weeks and I got to miss that. Because both of us being in intensive care is so much better than heartburn.


----------



## Foogirl

angelstardust said:


> I liked the comments about them growing up big and strong. Liked being reminded that they wouldn't be tiny, fragile babies forever and a little glimpse into a future where I didn't have to worry all the time (ha! yeah, as if!)

It was nice to hear - once or twice. But after the 50th time someone has said it, it did get really annoying!


----------



## AP

:rofl: Thanks to Foo I have re-read this, wondering if i see new light. i don't. All I see is all of us threatening to thump, slap or throw someone down the stair :rofl: preemies make us mental :rofl:


----------



## Foogirl

sb22 said:


> :rofl: Thanks to Foo I have re-read this, wondering if i see new light. i don't. All I see is all of us threatening to thump, slap or throw someone down the stair :rofl: preemies make us mental :rofl:

I was just having a wee read of it myself. These things still piss me off!


----------



## AP

I dunno if time makes it better or not tbh :hugs: its something that sticks x x


----------



## Foogirl

sb22 said:


> I dunno if time makes it better or not tbh :hugs: its something that sticks x x

It's wierd. Time made it better for me, I was eventually fine about the whole thing until about 6 months ago, then found it started to bother me again :dohh:


----------



## AP

^ i think you're right. I said similar to the midwife when i was in labour- sometimes its all ok and im strong about it but it always comes back to remind me for a bit.


----------



## Hotmum

hopedance said:


> i hate it when people dismiss what we went through by interrupting and saying 'oh but he's fine now, isn't he!', as if just because he is okay now somehow discounts the trauma and upset of having a premature baby.
> 
> i also hate it when i tell people i had severe preeclampsia and had sam prematurely say to me things like 'oh i know _just_ how you feel, i had sereve preeclampsia too at 38 weeks and had to be induced so i ended up in hospital for 3 days'. i know that can be so difficult for them, for multiple reasons, so not to discount their own difficult experience, but they can't claim to understand what it is like to have an early low birth weight baby who needs NICU/SCBU care for weeks.

TRUE -HIGH FIVE !

lol

I know any kinda of complications during pregnancy or post-partum can be hard... But I had mine at 34 and I have a good chance of having this one at 31!!! Because of the f*#&@* pre eclampsia ( sorry I just hate the disease)
and i get sooo much people like- ´´ NO you will be fine, I had pre E too and stayed at the hospital for 4 days before going home !´´

-´´oh, and how long were you pregnant``

- ´´37+5 weeks ! Can you believe it?``

men... i had a 34... I stayed 14 DAYS not 4, I may stay again a MONTH not 4... I am suffering really bad with headaches, backpain, high blood pressure and contractions !

Taking Ivs, meds, steroid shots, and you think this is a competition? I am sorry I dont want to compete with ANY one, I am to be the looser and have a healthy full term, than having another premie... 

Anyways ! I agree girl, there is some WEIRD competitive people !

=)


----------



## bob2331

wHy do people always ask you how old your baby is, and when u tell them, they say are u sure!!! No i forgot about going through hell and back and really i had him last week!!!

I have had someone, about 2 months ago now, in harvester, come up to me and say, i thought that was a doll u had in the high chair! WTF do u see many dolls in highchairs now adays!

I think all of us must get the old 'at lesat u didnt have to push out a big baby' or at least you could to get some sleep before they came home!!!

I have never had a termie and never will, but it must be so different or are we just that little crazy after going through our premmies xx


----------



## Hotmum

hopedance said:


> kitty, that's another one that drives me mad, people thinking that having them in SCBU is a rest. especially when expressing milk every few hours during the night (and day!) but not being able to nap with baby during the day, because it's not like you can kip down in the hospital for a cuddle and a nap. you just end up awake day and night getting more and more emotional and exhausted.

TRUEEE

i HATE when people say ´´how good it is`` to rest before baby comes home...

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING !

We dont rest lol , we go back and forth to the hospital several times a day (at least I did lol ), we wake up in the middle of the night NOT BECAUSE WE GOTTA feed our little one but because we have to PUMP =(

anyways. done rsrs


----------



## Dasy25

bob2331 said:


> I have had someone, about 2 months ago now, in harvester, come up to me and say, i thought that was a doll u had in the high chair! WTF do u see many dolls in highchairs now adays!

I hate that comment sooooo much and get it most days....today i had Ella in the baby seat of a trolley and the checkout woman said (as i was buying her pyjama's) "Oh my god it's a doll!" Eh actually NO! Like i'm in the habit of bringing my doll around the supermarket and buy them PJ's!!!!! Grrrr It's so so irritating!!!


----------



## Funbella

Hi new to these forums; we were expecting twins, went into labour at 24 weeks and lost one due to complications, the other survived.

What's really surprising is, having met a surprising amount of parents of twins of which one survived, the amount of times people say "at least you've got one".

It's a difficult thing to explain to someone about your dreams, hopes and aspirations that are dashed through many months of NICU.

Part of me tries to understand how I would have reacted pre-baby with that information and if I would have said the same thing. I also find it's easier to understand people's knee-jerk reactions to difficult questions having been through all of this, and to choose when to explain, and when to brush their questions off completely.


----------



## EmSmith1980

I had Anya at 23+6, and it was touch and go for quite a few weeks. One idiot said to me "well at least if anything happens to her, you've got your other 3 kids". Still brings me to tears thinking about it. Like it would be ok if she died because I had 3 older children. :'(


----------



## Scottiemum

sb22 said:


> hopedance said:
> 
> 
> i hate it when people dismiss what we went through by interrupting and saying 'oh but he's fine now, isn't he!', as if just because he is okay now somehow discounts the trauma and upset of having a premature baby.
> 
> Thats the thing that gets me too. The experience of having a preemie doesnt stop when LO gets home.Click to expand...

Yeah that gets to me too...when they say "oh shes fine now" and I'm like "yes" but what am I going to say in the middle of eg supermarket, office..."well health wise fab but not sure how she will be developmentally " tough!

or

How old is she now?......."15 months". Oh is she walking? "No" and then feel like I have to go into the reasons why not and then see the shocked looks and them not knowing what to say back..awkward!:dohh:


----------



## freddiesmum

I have another little boy at home so on thursday and fridays I spend the day time at home with him and the night at the hospital with teeny and one the NICU nurses said to me 'i'll see you thursday day then' and then quickly follwed by 'oh no, i forgot, your just a part time mum'!!!! YOU HAVENT GOT ANY BLOODY CHILDREN SO YOU HAVE NO FLIPPIN IDEA HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE TO SPILT YOUR TIME, TO SIT WATCHING ONE OF YOUR BABIES FIGHTING SOOOO HARD AND THEN DESPERATLY WANTING TO SEE THE OTHER FOR A TINT BIT OF NORMALITY!! IMBICILE!! rant over lol
*hugs and wishes*


----------



## AP

:O a friggin pert time mum
Omg wat a cheeky bitch!


----------



## Cloberella

I was in the clinic the other day and one of the mums said to me that having a baby late was 'worse in a lot of ways'. No, no it isn't.

I get the 'he looks like a doll' a lot too, and 'well he's fine now'. Yeah he's fine now so I'll just erase all those weeks of anguish, the memory of him stopping breathing and turning blue and get over it because he's fine 'now'.


----------



## Laura2919

I had someone stop me in Asda to ask why I was pushing around two dollies in a pram and then the next time I went my mums friends daughter was in there and she thought the same.. :shrug: Mind you there are some people out there who do crazy things so hey ho. Lol


----------



## pink.crazy

MIL - as LO reaches a milestone. "You shouldn't be doing that yet!!" WTF??? Yes we're all amazed at everything he does but he is still a BABY, he was prem but he will still develop in his own time!! Stop beating him down for doing what BABIES do!!


----------



## pink.crazy

Oh here's another recent one..... "So when will you have his birthday????"

:rolleyes:


----------



## clairec81

Funnily enough some of the worst comments have came from mine and DH families! As Erin is really small and we have 2 babies a few months either side of Erin in the family we regularly get comparisons and comments, recent ones have included 'just get all of the other babies clothes when there finished with them' - 1. i don't like the clothes they wear 2. one of them is a boy!!! 3. I can afford to buy my daughter clothes myself.
The other comment that really bugged me was at a recent family party when Erin was walking about and one of the other babies who isn't walking was crawling and the babies dad said, 'i mean it just doesn't make sense that 'she' would walk first' - why not!!! Bitchy comment alert - for one thing their little boy is 30lbs at 1 year old - he has a lot more to lug about than Erin does no wonder he struggles!!! (sorry could help it):blush:


----------



## lozzy21

One comment that narks me, it goes like this


Oooo shes small was she early?

Yes 5 weeks early

What did she weigh?

8lb 15

*look of disbelief* Are you sure she was early?

No im saying it for the fun of it.


----------



## AP

Are you sure???? :wacko: wtf, people r nutjobs!!!


----------



## Dasy25

Ok so i know i'm probably repeating this for the millionth time but it really really gets on ma goat.....today the gran of preemie born at 25weeks who is now 2yrs old actual said to me today..."Oh your baby doesn't look like she's premature" I wanted to hit her square on the nose! (i'm not a violent person i promise) but this really bugs me! 1: She doesn't know anything about my wee cherub and 2: What should a preemie look like exactly??? :growlmad: I think i may be over sensitive to this at the moment but surely she of all people should know what not to say to a preemie parent. 

Ok rant over :wacko:


----------



## ermm23a

It really bugs me when my family/friends look at him and say, "oh, he's just so tiny!" or "I've never seen a baby so small." 

No shit sherlock. He was 3 lbs 10 oz at birth. Yeah, he's small. I get it. No need to keep going on and on and on about it. Pisses me off. 

I also got irked at the "well at least you are getting to rest and recover from your section at home before the baby gets there." Like I preferred to have my child stay in the NICU for 3 weeks so I could recover and "get some rest." 

Or, several of my friends who are currently pregnant, that just assume they could NEVER have a preemie. That their pregnancies will be picture perfect and no complications.


----------



## Foogirl

Dasy25 said:


> Ok so i know i'm probably repeating this for the millionth time but it really really gets on ma goat.....today the gran of preemie born at 25weeks who is now 2yrs old actual said to me today..."Oh your baby doesn't look like she's premature" I wanted to hit her square on the nose! (i'm not a violent person i promise) but this really bugs me! 1: She doesn't know anything about my wee cherub and 2: What should a preemie look like exactly??? :growlmad: I think i may be over sensitive to this at the moment but surely she of all people should know what not to say to a preemie parent.
> 
> Ok rant over :wacko:

I was gobsmacked! Not often you hear it from someone who is close to it. You dealt with it well!


----------



## PrincessPea

I have had a lot of the ones mentioned previously esp the 'doll' one.

MIL yesterday - 'Oh she looks like a proper baby now' - what do you think she looked like before????

BIL when LO still in hosp - 'We were just saying you guys are lucky as she will come out of the hospital in a good routine' - needless to say I was furious!!


----------



## Dasy25

PrincessPea said:


> I have had a lot of the ones mentioned previously esp the 'doll' one.
> 
> MIL yesterday - 'Oh she looks like a proper baby now' - what do you think she looked like before????
> 
> BIL when LO still in hosp - 'We were just saying you guys are lucky as she will come out of the hospital in a good routine' - needless to say I was furious!!

:gun: to both your MIL and BIL How very dare they!!!!! :growlmad:


----------



## rockabillymom

"she is so Tiny" (she is 2 monthes old and huge compared to when she is born.
"she looks normal now"


----------



## Skylamummy

HI, I'm new on here so first of all a big hello...


I too had people say, ''Lucky you'' when LO was early. insinuating I can catch up on sleep and have a lovely time of it as well as having got out of having a ''hard'' labour! I wanted to punch them ALL at the time, it made me so cross. 
I was trying to explain to my OH why this upset me and felt a bit silly but I'll show him these posts.....


----------



## Cloberella

Skylamummy said:


> HI, I'm new on here so first of all a big hello...
> 
> 
> I too had people say, ''Lucky you'' when LO was early. insinuating I can catch up on sleep and have a lovely time of it as well as having got out of having a ''hard'' labour! I wanted to punch them ALL at the time, it made me so cross.
> I was trying to explain to my OH why this upset me and felt a bit silly but I'll show him these posts.....

Don't feel silly! I've had a few people be like 'ooh well at least he wasn't huge'. What do they think happened? I sneezed and he popped out?!


----------



## AP

^ haha thats exactly what i said a few weeks ago, someone assumed that having a preemie wasn't a normal delivery, and went on to advise me on epidurals etc...

Wtf, i gave birth. With an epidural. Before her. 
And no, i wouldn't have said its harder full term (perhaps harder in my case because of a few reasons specific to me, but otherwise there was no difference


----------



## AP

Bump for Claire xxx


----------



## Lianne1986

Jaiden wasnt premature but a couple of weeks ago in tesco an old lady asked e how old he was, so i said 3 months. she gave me a funny look turned around and marched off!! 

same day, same place, a pregnant lady asked me how old he was, i said 3 months, she was like... are u sure? he only looks a couple of weeks old. :dohh:

errr shit i must have picked up the wrong baby u div!! i know hes small but i didnt think he was 'that' small :dohh:

ETA - i meant Jaiden WASNT premature :dohh:


----------



## Hotmum

I just got a new one this week:

´´Ow you´re lucky! You will have time to rest and by the time she comes home she will be 2 months already !``

I walked away, seriously... I wanted to slap her but she is from my street and I will have to look at her everyday... so whatever

First- Nope I am not lucky
Second- I am not resting THAT much hunn I have a 2 yr old and I gotta pump every 3 ANYWAYS.
Third- She will be two months BUT NOT acting like a 2 month old !


----------



## littlestar85

deleted


----------



## EmSmith1980

I got once again "ohhhh she's tiny". Now I expect this from strangers, but from effin family. It's really making my blood boil, they know how much it p*sses me off. She's huge now (11lb15oz) copare to the 1lb 7oz she was when she was born. Arrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!! 

Sorry, rant over!! xx


----------



## kimandbump

My SIL is forever saying that I am lucky that I had time to recover from my c section before LO came home. I bite my tongue for the sake of family relations but honestly...........some people have no idea!


----------



## Foogirl

kimandbump said:


> My SIL is forever saying that I am lucky that I had time to recover from my c section before LO came home. I bite my tongue for the sake of family relations but honestly...........some people have no idea!

Oh this is so frustrating. Of course it is easier to recover from C-section if you can rest more, but to insinuate someone is "lucky" because of this? I'd have taken a longer recovery over having Abby in hospital any day. People just do not understand. I actually found family were worse for saying these sorts of things.:growlmad:



littlestar85 said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I went into labour at 35+6 and had LO the next day at 36wks, I was v.lucky cos he was 6lb 4oz and didn't need help, so I know I can't really relate to what most of you went through, but reading all these comments made me realise how many I've had too from people!
> 
> _"Only 4 weeks early? oh that's *nothing*, he should be the same as a full-termer"_ - yes, I know it's not the same as 26 weeks but it was still stressfull! I wasn't ready, I hadn't had a chance to have any rest which I was planning to do from 37wks till LO came, LO was jaundiced, needed phototherapy, LO couldn't latch, ended up back in hospital 2 days after leaving cos the jaundice got worse, he took 5 weeks to regain his birthweight, was tongue-tied for 10 weeks and would take 2hrs to take a full breastfeed then want the same 45mins later.

This winds me up something chronic. "Only 4 weeks"??? It makes no difference be it 4, 8 or 12. The worry, the fear, the upheaval are all things you didn't figure and not only that, you had so much taken away, a whole month of pregnancy is a long time to lose. You didn't know at 36 weeks that everything would be ok, no more than I did at 29 or others did at 26 etc. Premature is premature and is a terrible thing to have to deal with. I suspect you can relate to alot more than you think! :hugs:


----------



## mylittlebud1

Hi everyone.

God you just dont realise until reading this post how many ignorant people there are out there.

My daughter was born dec 22nd at 27 + 2 wks 2lb 8oz. she spent 10 wks in NICU and SCBU and it was the most horrifying time of my life. Unless someone has had a prem baby then they have NO CLUE whatsoever at the stress ad worry we've been through.

I've had the usual comments
1. at least you didnt suffer the uncomfortable part of pregnancy! (i would've give anything to SUFFER rather than watch my baby suffer)!!!!

But the most shocking was a week go when i bumped into a woman who i once worked with and she said to me 'oh so what year willshe go into at school? I replied 'the same year she wouldve, she was due in march but born in december. She said 'oh well she'll be a bit behind at school and have learning difficulty .. but....

I wanted to smash her ignorant little face to the floor. Whether or not you think something like that you dont say it and more to the point Why Will my baby have learning difficulty?! 

I'm fortunate to have a very supportive family who made me see that its ignorance that makes people say things.

I would just like to say well done to all parents who have had prem babies. its the scariest thing ever being a first time mum let alone having a prem baby and th experience that comes along with that!!

Claire and Evie Faith xxxxxx


----------



## Lianne1986

Tyler was as prem as sme of ur babies, he was a 32 weeker but when i go to his parents evening at school his teachers have told me on a few occasions, he is one of the top in class. so being prem doesnt mean they have learning difficulties. 

:hugs:


----------



## mumjaney

Hi there
I've only had my baby boy home a week, he was 1 pound 4oz and 25 weeks he's been in hospital five and half months. He has come home on oxygen and so far the hardest thing i have found is that people look at him see his nasal cannulas and give me a sympathetic look saying nothing and turning away. I would just like people to say hello and ask nice questions like they would normally do when they see a new baby. I've had two people ask me 'what's wrong with him?' I have to say nothing he just needs a little bit of oxygen. Or people say 'wow he's tiny', which is annoying cause he's 11 pound and to me he's huge and come a long way. 
When you do have a prem baby friends and family are so keen to tell you all their bad stories of a friend or relative who had a prem and now they are severely disabled or struggle at this and that. it would be nice is there was some positive stories like mine thats why this blog is very good.


----------



## Lianne1986

aww congrats on ur little boy! whats his name? he is super cute! 

sounds like hes doin fab! welcome to BnB xxx


----------



## cowboys angel

"it could've been worse, she could've been earlier and ********...or died..."

As a matter of fact I know it could have been worse. I was extremely lucky, I went into labor on a weekly (and then every other day) basis starting at 24 weeks and they kept managing to stop it....and I have two angels...so I know it could've been much worse, thanks for reminding me...


----------



## cowboys angel

"She's only 8 pounds?? Are you feeding her enough??"

...You should have seen her at birth moron now go away....


----------



## vermeil

gaaaah I feel your pain cowbow's angel! When bubbah was finally home I kept getting told 'whoah he's tiny! is he eating well?' which to me always sounded like a polite 'are you feeding him??' He weighed 6 pounds by then which was HUGE to me.

So I'd cheerfully answer 'oh yes, in fact he weighs five times more than at birth!' ... or if they seemed particularly judgemental, I'd add 'oh he is four weeks old now. He was hospitalized for the first 4 months'
I'd watch the wheels turning in their brains... then they'd usually look confused, mutter some inane excuse and wander off. I probably sounded quite insane but I didn't care ha :haha:


----------



## DonnaBallona

*bump!*

sorry to gatecrash people, not been in here for ages-although admittedly I'm more of a lurker than a talker :blush: my little Brooke was born 8 weeks early at 2lb 4oz :cloud9: (I probably should mention that although she's now 2, she's not 6ft yet.... :winkwink:)

whilst Brooke was in SCBU, I was approached by another woman (whose baby was FT but jaundiced), who peered critically into Brookes incy, then said the usual 'how old is she, what's wrong with her, how big is she' etc.....then commented that I'd 'taken the easy option' having a section!! 

reality was, at that moment, I'd just been wheeled out of intensive care on my bed to visit her....I'd had severe PET and HELLP syndrome and had my 'easy option' under GA, then was ventilated for 24 hours as I was so poorly.

my OH was about to open a can of whoop ass on her before the nurses moved her away! :growlmad:


----------



## Preemiemummy

My baby was born at 27plus2 on April 7th this year. She was discharged from nicu on monday only to be readmitted Tuesday morning after an episode of apnea - she went blue and had to be resuscitated by paramedics. I am so scared to have her home now in case she does it again. The doctors sais it was due to reflux and have prescribed her medicine to control it and we are having basic life support training tomorrow. has anyone else had this problem? Would you recommend getting an apnea monitor for home. I feel so anxious and of course i want my baby home but am so scared she will stop breathing again. Why did they send her home with this problem?? Help!


----------



## Alimum

This is great, 

Bet your glad to be off bed rest then...


----------



## 112110

"you should've gained more weight so he could've stayed in longer"

_*a day or two after LO was born*_ "is he home?" "why can't he come home" "when is he coming home" "home yet?"

"how much does LO weigh?" _*insert weight here*_ *awkward silence* ".......my LO weighed that much at 2/3/etc months"

"why isn't he doing blahblah yet"
"it's your fault he can't do blahblah yet because you aren't doing blahblah" 

"you guys are home and you still won't let us all come over. that's selfish of you"

"you're lucky you didn't have to get big and stretch marks and all that"

I could go on and on. Ignorant people. :nope:


----------



## cowboys angel

"Why did she have to stay in the hospital?"

"Cuz she lost a lot of weight"

"All babies lose weight. You worry too much"

......................:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:


----------



## whistle

I love this thread. Some people have absolutely no tact, or common sense for that matter.

At my day 10 postnatal check up, a midwife at the hospital - a MIDWIFE at the HOSPITAL, said in a jolly voice 'You don't even look like you've had a baby!'

'Well,' I said, 'I didn't have much time to put on weight. I gave birth to twins at 24 weeks.'

Midwife's jaw drops: 'Wow! That's tiny!!!'

Yeah, I've got one little fighter who passed away and one still battling on in SCBU. I'm well aware that they were 'tiny!!!' thanks. :growlmad:


----------



## cowboys angel

Oh I hate that!

"You don't look like you just had a baby!"

"My baby came early and was very tiny"

"Oh you're so lucky!"



grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


----------



## AP

Yes! Several mw's said that to me too, knowing she was in NICU. I forgot that!!


----------



## AP

The other day at soft play there was a baby, about 12 months. She was walking and quite steadier, and more vocal than A. Her mum assumed A was about the same age as her LO, simpily because Alex wasnt quite advanced as this LO. i could hear her mum discussing how A was 'massive' for her age.

I was so lost for words and didnt know where to start. Im still hurting now.


----------



## epicnova

I am in utter horror of the kinds of comments I'm reading.

can't believe you mums have had to deal with that crap. 

On behalf of humanity, I apologize. :cry:


----------



## AuntBug

I haven't joined you ladies yet, but I'm 29+1 and my LO could need to be delivered at anytime, so we're expecting to be preemie parents. She's measuring behind, with most measures under the 1st percentile. Of course, given this, I look maybe 20 weeks along, certainly not in my 3rd trimester. Strangers still don't realize I'm pregnant at all.

When I say I'm 29 weeks, they are shocked and say "wow, you look fantastic. You hardly look pregnant at all. I was huge. You'll lose the weight in no time, lucky you"

No, I don't look great, I look TOO SMALL. I'd much rather have the weight to loose than my measly 2 lbs. My tiny bump makes me feel sad and worried, not lucky.

Thanks for sharing all of your frustrations, I'll know what to expect.


----------



## cowboys angel

AuntBug said:


> I haven't joined you ladies yet, but I'm 29+1 and my LO could need to be delivered at anytime, so we're expecting to be preemie parents. She's measuring behind, with most measures under the 1st percentile. Of course, given this, I look maybe 20 weeks along, certainly not in my 3rd trimester. Strangers still don't realize I'm pregnant at all.
> 
> When I say I'm 29 weeks, they are shocked and say "wow, you look fantastic. You hardly look pregnant at all. I was huge. You'll lose the weight in no time, lucky you"
> 
> No, I don't look great, I look TOO SMALL. I'd much rather have the weight to loose than my measly 2 lbs. My tiny bump makes me feel sad and worried, not lucky.
> 
> Thanks for sharing all of your frustrations, I'll know what to expect.

I could say "look forward to you joining us" but in all honesty I hope you never have to join this forum. Good luck to you :hugs::hugs:


----------



## vermeil

AuntBug said:


> I haven't joined you ladies yet, but I'm 29+1 and my LO could need to be delivered at anytime, so we're expecting to be preemie parents. She's measuring behind, with most measures under the 1st percentile. Of course, given this, I look maybe 20 weeks along, certainly not in my 3rd trimester. Strangers still don't realize I'm pregnant at all.
> 
> When I say I'm 29 weeks, they are shocked and say "wow, you look fantastic. You hardly look pregnant at all. I was huge. You'll lose the weight in no time, lucky you"
> 
> No, I don't look great, I look TOO SMALL. I'd much rather have the weight to loose than my measly 2 lbs. My tiny bump makes me feel sad and worried, not lucky.
> 
> Thanks for sharing all of your frustrations, I'll know what to expect.

Wow auntbug my situation was identical!! At 27 weeks my son was in the 2nd percentile - I was still so small my regular clothes still fit me. I got the 'wow you're so small lucky you!!' all the time too. I wanted to just strangle people when I heard that, and just scream "You know what I'd rather be HUUUGE and even very sick, ANYTHING that would give my guy even a small chance at life, right now his odds of survival are tiny GAAAAAH" :growlmad:](*,):devil:


----------



## AuntBug

[/QUOTE] Wow auntbug my situation was identical!! At 27 weeks my son was in the 2nd percentile - I was still so small my regular clothes still fit me. I got the 'wow you're so small lucky you!!' all the time too. I wanted to just strangle people when I heard that, and just scream "You know what I'd rather be HUUUGE and even very sick, ANYTHING that would give my guy even a small chance at life, right now his odds of survival are tiny GAAAAAH" :growlmad:](*,):devil:[/QUOTE]

Thanks, it does drive me nuts. Your LO is adorable, thanks for sharing the pics. Seeing journeys like yours always gives me hope. :hugs:


----------



## Poorah

My absloute guaranteed to drive me nuts:
"just wait until the sleepless nights start"
Yep because when I leave hospital I just chill out at home and forget about the little part of me I left in hospital. And of course even though I express every couple of hours and have to drag myself out of bed in the early hours, I still get lots and lots of sleep. And of course spending my days and nights in NNU means I have lots of time for myself and don't have any outstanding chores to do at home. Arghghghgh!


----------



## katy1310

I had a couple of new ones this week. We have a photo on the living room wall of Sophie at one day old, and last week someone said to Sophie "You looked like a skinned rabbit on that photo" - then today the same person said to me "At least she looks like a proper baby now"!!!! She's always been a proper baby - my beautiful miracle baby! x


----------



## AP

Proper baby.
Aye i hate that one. :grr:


----------



## PrincessPea

Yep I hate the 'proper baby' one too esp when its my MIL saying it.

I am starting to get a similar conversation with most people who stop to speak to us and it goes something like this:

them - aw how old is she?
me - 9 months
them - she is awful small for her age.... (my back goes up!!)
me - yeah she was born very early
them - oh is she, you know, ok? (!!!!)

I normally say, yes thankfully but I really want to say something I cant type on here!!! 

:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:


----------



## katy1310

PrincessPea said:


> Yep I hate the 'proper baby' one too esp when its my MIL saying it.
> 
> I am starting to get a similar conversation with most people who stop to speak to us and it goes something like this:
> 
> them - aw how old is she?
> me - 9 months
> them - she is awful small for her age.... (my back goes up!!)
> me - yeah she was born very early
> them - oh is she, you know, ok? (!!!!)
> 
> I normally say, yes thankfully but I really want to say something I cant type on here!!!
> 
> :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:

That's just reminded me, I met the mum of an old schoolfriend the other day and she said in a very sympathetic voice "And does she have many problems?"


----------



## cowboys angel

I hate being asked if she has problems, if she's okay mentally, or even worse in my mind, "is she going to be okay?"

The "proper baby" bugs me too. I mean when we hit 8lbs I was excited and told people 'she's the size of an average newborn' but 'proper???' Cuz she was what exactly before?


----------



## Lottie86

"You'd never guess you'd just had a baby to look at you" this comment came from a midwife!! :nope::cry: 

Before Iona was born I had lots of midwives telling me how small my bump was when it said in my notes that she had growth probs so they had no excuse for the comments :growlmad:

The "she'll be absolutely fine don't worry" from some people is really hacking me off :growlmad: Nice to know they Know that when the doctors don't!! My *DAD* came out with this when I rang him yesterday to tell him about her deterioration and me going down to find her being bagged, put on ventilator and chest drain put in due to pneumothorax! :wacko: There again I shouldn't be surprised as my Dad has all the understanding and compassion of a snail!


----------



## Lottie86

A comment that has really made me fuming mad. Just had someone ask me why I'd put photos of Iona on FB already and why hadn't I waited until she looked like a 'normal' baby as they found the photos of her distressing to look at!! :wacko: WTF?! She's my baby and if I want to post pics of her I will. No one is forced to look at them. GRRRR :growlmad::growlmad:


----------



## AP

Lottie86 said:


> A comment that has really made me fuming mad. Just had someone ask me why I'd put photos of Iona on FB already and why hadn't I waited until she looked like a 'normal' baby as they found the photos of her distressing to look at!! :wacko: WTF?! She's my baby and if I want to post pics of her I will. No one is forced to look at them. GRRRR :growlmad::growlmad:

:shock: errr I hope thats not someone you class as a 'friend' hun.
Fuck anyone who says its distressing. They are distressing.

Proper fuming for you now :growlmad:


----------



## Lottie86

I've deleted her now. I'm just shocked and horrified someone would say that. Whatever happened to people thinking before they speak/type?!


----------



## AP

:grr:

what an arse. Wow, I need a swear filter now :rofl:


----------



## Dasy25

Congratulations on the birth of Iona, Lottie. Just read your comment about the pic on facebook...that is shocking and glad to hear you have deleted that person! Some people!!! :growlmad:

I agree with the `proper baby` comment too. Really gets on my goat when folk say it! 

I keep getting the same comment from a fellow preemie mum....oh she's really losing her premature look isn't she? I think she thinks its ok to say this but it still bugs the tits off me! No, it upsets me cause she should know better! :nope: Ranting now sorry. :dohh:


----------



## Lianne1986

im glad u deleted her lottie, thts awful.


----------



## cat81

Congratulations on the birth of Iona Lottie, I hope she's doing ok. I can't believe that your 'friend' said that. Absolutely shocking. You have as much right as anyone to post pictures of your baby, if you want to, and I am sure she is absolutely gorgeous!


----------



## PrincessPea

Lottie, massive congratulations on the birth of Iona, gorgeous name for a gorgeous wee girl. 
Anyone who says anything like that to you is clearly not a 'friend' and glad you got shot of them, you dont need that crap just now! Argh that makes me mad!!!:growlmad:

Dasy - The last time she was out my HV said to me, yeah she still has a bit of the prem look about her! What exactly is 'the prem look'? I would like to know as a few people have said this to me, but all the prem babies I know look different!!!


----------



## cowboys angel

"oooh you're so lucky! everyone wants their baby to stay little forever! yours is gonna stay small a long time!"


----------



## bigbetty

I've been browsing different parts of bnb than I normally do tonight and happened across this thread.

I would just like to say that I find you all such an inspiration. The things you have had to cope with are just heartbreaking and the insensitive, idiotic and downright disrespectful comments you have had to listen to are simply disgusting. Some people need to learn how to put their brains in gear before opening their mouths.

God bless you and your beautiful babies xxx


----------



## 112110

Is it wrong to get annoyed when people are like
"Oh my baby was premature too" "Oh how early" "I was 38 weeks" "did they have a stay in the nicu" "no. they weighed only 5/6 lbs though" 
I heard this today and I just got annoyed :wacko:
But yet I get really annoyed when I say "he was born at 31 weeks" and someone replies "oh thats not bad at all"
WHAT? Kinda?!
Not even sure if thats going to make sense to anyone :dohh:


----------



## cowboys angel

112110 said:


> Is it wrong to get annoyed when people are like
> "Oh my baby was premature too" "Oh how early" "I was 38 weeks" "did they have a stay in the nicu" "no. they weighed only 5/6 lbs though"
> I heard this today and I just got annoyed :wacko:
> But yet I get really annoyed when I say "he was born at 31 weeks" and someone replies "oh thats not bad at all"
> WHAT? Kinda?!
> Not even sure if thats going to make sense to anyone :dohh:

Made perfect sense, and I'm sorry. :hugs:


----------



## freddiesmum

112110 it makes perfect sense, ive had the same thing so many times "oh, how premature was he?" me: "13weeks, he weighed 2lb 6oz" them: "oh thats not too bad, i was premature and very tint, 2weeks premature so tiny at 4lb" ARE YOU SERIOUS????? do my tree in, ive even had that "oh not too bad" from medical staff!!! 

It winds me up when medical staff read Freddie's notes, see his name on the room door and then come and continously call him "she"!! where in the name Freddie sugests that he is a she?? 

Hope all you ladies are well and your LO s are good xxx


----------



## violetsky

I feel a little silly being her with a 36 weeker (well 35wks 5 days if you count when my waters broke lol) but I REALLY hated the following thing:

Pregnant friends saying to me how LUCKY i was my baby came early. My lo was tiny, badly jaundiced and couldn't regulate her own temperature or blood suger or even wake up to feed she was so weak and tiny, we were lucky there wasn't anything more serious wrong with her but that's it. It completely wound me up every time!


----------



## preemie12

Friend: how long will baby be in hospital?
Me: 2 months
Friend: that must be hard on wife?
Me: yes, for both of us
Friend: no, I think it must be hard for the mother of the baby

What the hell do u know how hard it is for us. I don't want ur sympathy, but pls don't ever think that it's not affecting us. U will have no idea what were going through, and I pray to god that u will never have to find out.


----------



## tweetee

preemie12 said:


> Friend: how long will baby be in hospital?
> Me: 2 months
> Friend: that must be hard on wife?
> Me: yes, for both of us
> Friend: no, I think it must be hard for the mother of the baby
> 
> What the hell do u know how hard it is for us. I don't want ur sympathy, but pls don't ever think that it's not affecting us. U will have no idea what were going through, and I pray to god that u will never have to find out.

That's terrible! I felt so awful for my OH when our little one was in the neo natal unit as he had to go back to work and do a stressful job at the same time as worrying about LO and about me and how I was coping. At least I could be at the unit all day with LO.

People can be so insensitive :hugs:


----------



## AP

preemie12 said:


> Friend: how long will baby be in hospital?
> Me: 2 months
> Friend: that must be hard on wife?
> Me: yes, for both of us
> Friend: no, I think it must be hard for the mother of the baby
> 
> What the hell do u know how hard it is for us. I don't want ur sympathy, but pls don't ever think that it's not affecting us. U will have no idea what were going through, and I pray to god that u will never have to find out.

See even although me & my OH were on rocky ground even before LOs birth , I still considered he had it bad. How on earth could he sit at work, how could he concentrate, and he had so lil time with her when he could.

:hugs: I understand xxx


----------



## Foogirl

There isn't nearly enough support for Dads. And apart from the fact they have to deal with their child being in NNICU and not having enough time with them because of work, they also, often, have to deal with their fact they nearly lost not only their child but also their wife / partner. They are pulled in so many different directions, needing to help their child, and to help their wife but also being the main point of contact for families and expecting to do all that whilst appearing strong and manly. In Mr Foo's case he was also dealing with the fact his father was terminally ill and having to prop up his mum who kept likening our situation to hers in the most inappropriate ways. How the hell he didn't go under with the stress of it all I have no idea.

I've also got some "things not to say" type stuff. With me at the moment it is a bit further down the line and is as much to do with her long term problems as with her having been a preemie.

I'm getting really angry with family members, and friends who are aware of Abby's problem coming away with things like "oh, she'll get there in the end" or "yeah, it's like when my son/daughter (who has no problems whatsoever) was that age....." or "I know how you must feel"

Really? Do you know? That every day I am with Abby is a fight to get her to do her physio or anything remotely physical, that actually she _might not_ get there eventually, that I get frustrated with her for not bothering her arse and all the time think "I did this to you" No, frankly it's not like the time your child had tantrums.

I posted yesterday <<snippped - I've had the rant now, best not leave that all public>> :winkwink::haha::winkwink: 

Another time I posted on FB about putting Abby in her big bed and so many people, who know her problems, started bleating on about making sure she doesn't fall or climb out and leaving toys so she can play on the floor in the morning and putting up a stair gate. For fuck's sake, she can't fucking move, you only saw her a fucking week ago and you think she will magically get the ability to get herself out out the bed and through the closed door to the stairs. I long for that day, I ache for it, I would run round the house celebrating if she fell or climbed out of her bed. She could launch herself headlong down the stairs and I'd still cheer. Now, tell me you understand how I feel - what mother would ever say that?

People really don't know how hard it is to have a toddler who doesn't toddle!

Rant over. Sorry to hijack this thread but it bothers me the "things not to say" don't stop when they are no longer babies.:growlmad:


----------



## Lottie86

I thought that when I saw people's comments about Abby's big bed, People just don't think do they :hugs::hugs::hugs: We're all here for you every step of the way xxx


----------



## Foogirl

^^Quite possibly the only other parent I know who would cheer if their child wriggled out of bed :haha:

:hugs::hugs::hugs: Thanks Lottie. I really do know you know how I feel!:hugs:


----------



## Lianne1986

:hugs:

reading tht post made me :cry: ur little girl has the cutest smile ever!!!!


----------



## AP

Sorry foo but your 'little fucker' rant got me ;) but yes, I did see that and I did think it was insensitive. Wtf is wrong with people! :dohh:


----------



## Foogirl

Lianne1986 said:


> :hugs:
> 
> reading tht post made me :cry: ur little girl has the cutest smile ever!!!!

She is brilliant when you tell her to smile for the camera, that's what she does!



sb22 said:


> Sorry foo but your 'little fucker' rant got me ;) but yes, I did see that and I did think it was insensitive. Wtf is wrong with people! :dohh:

He really is a little fucker. Although I said to Mr Foo "that's probably a bit off the mark" when I said it to him and he said "yeah, he's quite big now" :haha:

<<snippped for the same reason over the page>> :haha::haha: Do people not realise a post like mine yesterday wasn't seeking "advice" on how to do it better, it was a "make me feel better" plea.

Nuts.


----------



## cowboys angel

Person: "I hated being pregnant. Worst 9 months of my life."

Me: "Well I only was pregnant 8 months"

Person: "Well aren't you lucky?"

Me: "Yes, very lucky. I'm so lucky that my baby had trouble breathing and eating when she was born, and I'm so glad that she was in the hospital longer than me and I got some time away from her."

Person: "Huh?"

Me: "Fuck off."


----------



## Foogirl

bumped for kylie....


----------



## AP

Is kylie back??!! I'm sure she used to be on here


----------



## Foogirl

sb22 said:


> Is kylie back??!! I'm sure she used to be on here

No, I don't think she was, but she was writing a blog on this subject.

https://notevena.blogspot.com/


----------



## kyliemum2

hello, and thank you! I've done the blog post and another one about what to say!

I didn't know about this website! Glad I've found you all!


----------



## cowboys angel

Hello!


----------



## kyliemum2

Hi! I've just done an intro post on the main bit but I'm Kylie mum to Joseph born at 27 weeks. I haven't got enough posts to have a signature yet! Will have to post like mad!

My little boy is two now.


----------



## xforuiholdonx

My daughter was born at 35 weeks, not as premie as others, but still. I hate it when people comment on her growth, ' gosh she looks so young for a year old...' 'why isnt she walking yet, etc'. Sorry my kid came early due to pre-eclampsia, and labor was unstoppable by the time we got to the hospital, so shes just a LITTLE BIT BEHIND. stupid effers!


----------



## cowboys angel

My daughter, Lyla Elizabeth, was also born at 35 weeks, so she's not 'as preemie' but she's still very small and very behind. Sometimes I feel silly for being in the Preemie Forum, but then I remember her birth and watch her development as it's behind and I feel better knowing there's people that understand. She is 3 months, the size of a newborn.

My name's Katie!


----------



## xforuiholdonx

She looks adorable from your avatar photo. Emma swam in premie clothes for about 3 months as well. Shes no a year old, and weighs about 20 lbs, but is still very small. I hate it, and some days the remarks kill me! Its like, stfu, she could have died, I ALMOST DELIEVERED MY BABY IN THE CAR! And not by choice! Ugh!


----------



## cowboys angel

Me too! I got up to labor and delivery triage and was crowning, got to labor and delivery and she was in my pants. stood up and she fell out of my pants and almost hit the floor! OH caught her thank god.

She was 9lbs9ozs a few days ago. YAY! She's getting sooooo big! I'm getting sick of the comments tho. The "Oh she's so small" and "don't you feed her enough" and all that jazz.

Oh yeah, and thanks, she's a doll. :) That picture just makes me laugh.


----------



## Foogirl

You are very welcome here Katie :hugs:


----------



## xforuiholdonx

Yup total doll!!! :D. I seriously hate people some days /:


----------



## cowboys angel

Foogirl said:


> You are very welcome here Katie :hugs:

Thanks :) :hugs:



xforuiholdonx said:


> Yup total doll!!! :D. I seriously hate people some days /:

Emma is adorable!

Oh and me too! Oh by the way, nice to meet someone else from the US! :)


----------

