# So sad :(



## Av2805

Hi all,

Just wanted to post on here this is only the second time I've posted so you'll have to bear with me! I'm still in hospital at the moment should be home today,came in on Saturday because I could feel a small gush every so often but the midwife was convinced it was my bladder so I wasn't overly concerned and thought as this was my third pregnancy she was probably right. Anyway Dr came in and checked and my waters were bulging approx 4cm dilated and I knew at 20+3 this was not good :( after days of scans and decisions there was no water left around my baby girl so mother nature took over and I gave birth yesterday.

Feel so so sad and empty,Emily was already a part of our lives in so many ways and I just feel there will always be a part of me missing :( God bless you baby Angel and Mommy loves you more than all the stars xxxxx


----------



## Shezza84uk

I am so sorry for your loss, Emily is a lovely name sending you hugs and hoping with time your heartbreak will be more bearable she's now an angel and will be watching over you daily xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am So deeply sorry for your loss of Emily :cry::cry::cry::cry:

I also gave birth at 20 weeks to my Ava, I had her in my house and we buried her on 3-11-2011. Yes a part of us will always be missing :cry::cry: But I pray the days ahead are gentle on you, take one day at a time. I am here if you ever need to talk.. Sending a lot of love and prayers..XOXOXO Andrea
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Av2805

Thankyou :hugs: I just feel a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment had to leave her yesterday at the hospital and I hated it just wanted to stay but I have 2 boys at home and have to be here for them. I just feel so blessed to have them they will help me get through just feels like a part of me will always be missing xxx


----------



## Lottelotte

I am so sorry for your loss

Xx


----------



## SassyLou

So sorry :hugs:


----------



## sharan

Oh Hun I am so sorry to hear that. I gave birth to my sleeping angel on Tuesday when I was 22 weeks. He looked so perfect and at peace. It is hard leaving our child behind and every time I get a moment spare all I do is think of him. He was a part of me that I will never have anymore.


----------



## MizzPodd

I am so sorry for your loss. That was the hardest part for me too, leaving my angel at the hospital while I went home empty handed. I pray you get through this time and I understand your pain. It has almost been a month and I still can't bear to come to grasps sometimes. sending you many many hugs...


----------



## gnomette

hi hun i lost my little boy back in may and i also have 2 children at home an yeh it does make it easier in some ways but harder in others cause you find your self engrossing your self in what you feel it best for the kids rather than even trying to think bout what you need x i hated leaving my lo behind but i went back to see him as often as i could but i didn't take my children but i know some people have an suggested that to me so if you feel thats something you think you want to do with them its worth thinking about x but remember you need time for you as well as needing time with your kids x xx i am sorry you have found your way here x


----------



## evewidow

you know where I am if you want to talk


----------



## Av2805

Thankyou to all of you xx I haven't been able to come on here until tonight. Feel like I'm getting through every day by trying to stay positive for the boys they're 6 and 18 months and you never get that back. It's hard at night and everywhere I look there's pregnant ladies :( my oh isn't coping very well just trying to be strong for everyone but it's hard and I don't think I'll ever feel the same again. Funeral is on Thursday x


----------



## Beaglemama

I am so sorry for all of your losses everyone. I just came home from the hospital. I delivered my 20 week old little girl this morning and I don't think it's really even set in yet. Delivery was difficult and painful (I wound up needing an epidural) and had a reaction to the medicine to induce labor so I spent most of the night with a fever of 104. I feel so battered and grieved. We don't know exactly what our daughter passed away from, but she developed hydrops and was extremely swollen at the time of her birth.

Now I'm sore for the epidural injection, and my heart just feels heavy. I know this was the best thing for her, and I will see her again. But tonight, I just feel sad. Reading all your posts help me to not feel so alone.


----------



## sharan

Beaglemama said:


> I am so sorry for all of your losses everyone. I just came home from the hospital. I delivered my 20 week old little girl this morning and I don't think it's really even set in yet. Delivery was difficult and painful (I wound up needing an epidural) and had a reaction to the medicine to induce labor so I spent most of the night with a fever of 104. I feel so battered and grieved. We don't know exactly what our daughter passed away from, but she developed hydrops and was extremely swollen at the time of her birth.
> 
> Now I'm sore for the epidural injection, and my heart just feels heavy. I know this was the best thing for her, and I will see her again. But tonight, I just feel sad. Reading all your posts help me to not feel so alone.

Oh Hun I am so so sorry for your loss. It is difficult going from a healthy normal pregnancy to then all of a sudden being told that you are likely to miscarry and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. But it will get better in time.

I was like you and the day that I delivered my son I was pretty much like a zombie. I did cry and get upset but then I was desperate to get home. Once home I started cleaning up, vacuuming the whole house, cleaning the windows. I'm not sure if I was in denial or just trying to suppress the thought 'you're not pregnant any more and you haven't bought home your new baby'. It was that night that I broke down. 

By the following day I felt lost and helpless. It was then that I posted here. I guess part of me wanted to hear from other women you have gone through the same to tell me it will get better. I had the doctors and the midwives tell me the same at hospital but at the back of mind I was thinking 'how do you know. You've not had to deliver your baby after going through half your pregnancy problem free'. It did help so much, all the ladies on here have been absolutely lovely. And I'm so glad you've been able to share your story xx


----------



## MizzPodd

Beaglemama said:


> I am so sorry for all of your losses everyone. I just came home from the hospital. I delivered my 20 week old little girl this morning and I don't think it's really even set in yet. Delivery was difficult and painful (I wound up needing an epidural) and had a reaction to the medicine to induce labor so I spent most of the night with a fever of 104. I feel so battered and grieved. We don't know exactly what our daughter passed away from, but she developed hydrops and was extremely swollen at the time of her birth.
> 
> Now I'm sore for the epidural injection, and my heart just feels heavy. I know this was the best thing for her, and I will see her again. But tonight, I just feel sad. Reading all your posts help me to not feel so alone.

Beaglemama,

I am so sorry sweetie. I know how hard this must be for you... words can't ever describe the loss of a child. It has been only 5 weeks sine my baby passed at 18 weeks + 5 days... They do not know what caused it and said the baby was healthy (did an autopsy). We just found out today at my post partum that our baby boy was a GIRL. :cry::cry::cry::cry: When I delivered the baby, they confirmed a boy. We already did all of the funeral stuff, birth cert/death cert., social security number, the ern... everything. We feel like we have just lost another child all over again. We have been grieving over a baby boy and it wasn't a boy...:cry::cry::cry::cry: I am so crushed and I know that you, me, Ava, and everyone else will get through these tough unbearable times... :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Beaglemama

I am so sorry everyone. The only thing I can say is that I understand. I know and am having many of the same feelings all of you are experiencing right now, and I'm just so sorry.

Mizzpodd, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, again. You've mourned for a son that is actually your daughter. I guess, in the end, a life is a life. Boy or girl, it is simply your child. I've even worried myself, what if they made a mistake and my girl is a boy? Unfortunately, because she passed away in my womb, once she was born the doctors told me her DNA had already begun to break down and they would be unable to determine exactly the cause of her death. However, we were told that with almost certainty, she had Turner syndrome. That provides some closure, but doesn't change what is.

I'm so sorry to all of you on the board. I am going to start on thread on here as well, I feel like I need to vent. Please take care.


----------



## Av2805

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been on this past month has been terrible. I feel for all you ladies as I know what you're all going through xx 

I think of Emily all the time and to be honest I just want to know why it happened now as I have no answers my consultant appointment is October and it feels like ages away!!! They seemed to think in hospital i had an infection but did the infection cause pprom or did pprom cause the infection???

So many questions!! I still feel like something is missing and have to remind myself sometimes I'm not pregnant anymore then I have that horrible grief wash over me does anyone else do this?? 

I feel better for coming back on here and reading your stories as I don't feel so alone with it all so Thankyou ladies and God Bless all of our Angels

Xxxxxxxx


----------



## Beaglemama

Av2805 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> So many questions!! I still feel like something is missing and have to remind myself sometimes I'm not pregnant anymore then I have that horrible grief wash over me does anyone else do this??
> 
> I feel better for coming back on here and reading your stories as I don't feel so alone with it all so Thankyou ladies and God Bless all of our Angels
> 
> Xxxxxxxx


Yes, I feel that way too. Especially right after my loss, I would "forget" that I wasn't pregnant anymore and then I'd remember and feel like I lost her all over again :cry: Now I struggle with feeling pregnant still, and worrying that somehow I am pregnant and my body's not ready yet, even though it's not possible... :cry: it's just so awful to have our pregnancies interrupted, it's hard for our minds and emotions to cope.

We're all here for you, and we understand. Take care and please write anytime, we're here to help each other through. :flower:


----------

