# Do you let your toddler walk around the restaurant?



## NoodleSnack

Instead of trying to hold him still, I just walk behind him with my own food. I got some funny look and some smile. I wonder what the funny looks meant.


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## jd83

I don't. I just try to bring enough things to keep him occupied long enough for us all to eat. He's plenty occupied once his food comes, until then I try to keep him busy coloring, or playing with small cars, or something. Sometimes baby games on my Iphone.


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## Noodlebear

I'll let him wander around the table and mingle with the people we're with but I won't let him go all around the restaurant.


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## SazzleR

No, I don't let him. When he was very first walking, I did. It was just cute then. Now he's a menace!! Charging around etc. so he's just a danger. I take the iPad, colouring & a Busy Book to occupy him. But tbh, we rarely eat out cos he's such a pest in restaurants. Unless the food is in front of him, he wants to be running around :wacko:


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## sevenofnine

I've never had to; she's kept busy in the highchair with food and games and toys. If she had a fit to get down (which she hasn't yet), I would take her outside.

:flower:


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## sparkle_1979

No I would allow that... I'd amuse them at the table.. I wouldn't like children walking around if I'm paying decent money for dinner to be honest.


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## Natsku

Hardly ever go out to restaurants but I wouldn't let her wander about, if she got bored we'd take turns taking her outside or let her watch something on OH's phone. Last time we went to a restaurant she was great though, the restaurant gave her an activity pack and breadsticks straight away so she was happy.


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## seoj

Just depends on where we are. We do tend to go to restaurants that are more "kid friendly" though-- and I can only expect my 2yr old to sit at the table for so long (although she does pretty great). I do encourage her to sit while we are eating though. But before/after- if she needs to get out and about it's fine- long as it's not disruptive to other people, I see no harm. I've only ever had people smile at her when we do walk around... if we don't go outside instead (which I usually do if I know she needs to burn some energy off).


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## TryinFor1

sparkle_1979 said:


> No I would allow that... I'd amuse them at the table.. I wouldn't like children walking around if I'm paying decent money for dinner to be honest.

I agree with this. Lo can stay busy till the food comes anyway but I don't like when random kids are at my table. Lo has ran off before when I get him out of his highchair when were leaving but I can usually get him before he goes anywhere but if he does get to another table, I apologize and get him away from them. I also don't like when parents just let their kids jump around on the seats and turn around and stare at your table when in the booth behind you. I'm not mean about it or anything, I will smile at them. But it is just a pet peeve I guess.

Eta, my response sounds kinda rude but I don't mean it in a rude way. I don't know what its like yet with a wild two year old who can't sit in a highchair and is acting crazy in a booth. But I know I would not allow them to be disruptive to the table next to us


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## missk1989

Not when food has arrived. We tend to avoid fancy restaurants but if he wants to get down inbetween meals then we let him. One of us just goes for a little walk with him, take him outside if possible or just find something that fascinates him. We try to entertain him as much as we can in a highchair first though.


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## hattiehippo

When Tom was little we'd take turns to walk round with him or go outside to keep him entertained while waiting for the food. Once the food arrived we'd expect him to sit down and eat for a little bit - I would never wander around with my food! And I would keep him away from other people as much as possible.

Since 3 he's been expected to stay sat down most of the time and he's pretty good now at sitting and colouring or playing reasonably quietly with a small toy.


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## KittyVentura

No. We tend to stick to family friendly places with them and some have a kids corner so we will let them wander to that and play but not elsewhere. If no kids corner they can stay at the table or next to it or go home xx


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## ktod

No I wouldn't do that. And I've not really seen kids wandering around any restaurants I've been too (not that I go to that many!)

I think following my LO around would stress me out too much. I can just imagine him running up to tables, pulling cutlery off tables, expecting people with food to share it with him (this is all just based on his behaviour at home) and probably getting up to more mischief that I cant think of. I would constantly have to be pulling him back and telling him "no". I don't know how you manage to take your food round with you at the same time!!!!!!


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## staralfur

I used to, when she was first getting steady on her feet and wanting to explore, but only if the restaurant wasn't busy and only before the food came/after we had finished. 

Now I don't, because she's all over the place. Definitely not in a busy restaurant and definitely not while we were eating. It's exhausting eating at restaurants with her because she's not one to sit still, but we make it work.


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## Tor

Nope I wouldn't let my kids run around in a restaurant, they have to stay in highchairs, they aren't very good with it so we don't tend to eat out or we take lots of toys and eat quickly.


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## Palestrina

Not really, mostly because it's dangerous, waiters walking around with platters of hot food and heavy drinks etc. I have a rule that I never eat while standing or walking even at a picnic so maybe the stares you're getting are because you're walking around a restaurant eating, it's a little odd. We only go to restaurants that I know have fast service, some restaurants are too slow and can drag a meal on for too long. At first he's fine and I make sure to keep him occupied with crayons or a toy. Once food arrives he's occupied and doesn't pose a problem. Once the food is over we try to leave quickly but if we're lingering then I take him outside to walk around, not around the restaurant. You do what you have to do and sometimes it's not possible or even fair to keep them strapped in to a chair for too long. But I try to be mindful that other people are trying to enjoy a relaxing dining experience and a toddler rushing around them is a bit distracting.


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## bumpy_j

A little bit if it's a family pub type set up. Not if it was anywhere else.


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## _jellybean_

No, we do not. Dh will take him outside for a stroll if he can't sit still. I think the funny looks were probably because...I'd think it was kind of different if a mama was eating her dinner while following her toddler around the restaurant. I don't think it's safe to do so because of the waiters carrying the hot food, drinks, etc. Sometimes they seem to pop out of nowhere! 


Maybe try bringing some things with to help your little one stay distracted--iPads, coloring books, crayons, books, etc. 

Here's some great advice I got from reading an article:
--order your child's food when you're ordering your drinks--makes it much easier
--get into the habit of talking to lo beforehand about how we behave at restaurants--but this is for when they're older
---take all salt/sugar/ketchup/condiments/knives off of the table before your lo sits down. Give them to your server--when you need them, ask him/her---so then your lo doesn't end up grabbing them and throwing them
---bring a tablecloth, and place it on the floor under your toddler so the waitress doesn't have a big mess to clean up (we use a tablecloth for all of our meals--very easy clean up).

Finally, I stick to family-friendly restaurants, like a pp said.


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## x__amour

No, I wouldn't. :flow:


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## steele

No I think it's kinda rude and bad manners really. It's important to teach good table manners, and that includes sitting at the table in a restaurant. We take books/toys/games on phones ect. to entertain him. If he gets too antsy before the foods arrived then one of us will take him a walk outside. If he plays up when we've finished while we're chatting ect. then we will pack up and leave.


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## Baby Bell

This happened to us just yesterday. LO (17months) was amused in highchair before food came (toys and bread on the table:haha:) and ate quite happily as usual. But then after his plate was taken away that was him wanting out the chair......no amount of distraction would have kept him quiet. His screams were too disruptive to the restaurant. So I got him out and walked around with him. I should add that normally after we finished we would just leave rather than having coffee etc so he doesn't get the chance to be bored BUT we were out with the inlaws and fil takes forever to drink one glass of wine, he will not be rushed. Mil was telling him to just drink it and stop talking or to leave it, and he wouldn't have any of it, no matter how bored LO was:shrug: Also it was a very child friendly environment:thumbup:


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## NoodleSnack

We usually let him walk outside, but it's getting cold so I kept him in. We don't bring him to fancy restaurants - the ones we go to tend to have stacks of highchairs and full of children. 

The reason I walk after him is to ensure he stays out of the waitor/waitresses's way and don't bother other people. He finished his food, and I figured I'll just have mine on the go rather than let it go cold. It never occurred to me it would look funny because people eat on the go, so what if it's in a restaurant? But I guess people go to restaurants to sit down and eat. 

Jellybean - thanks for the table cloth tip. He's not as messy now but maybe for the next one. 

He's not really interested in ipads and such yet, but I don't mind walking after him and there's never been a big negative reaction so it doesn't bother me.


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## Noodlebear

I must admit I'd have given you a funny look if you were walking around with your food :haha: I think it's fine as long as they stay out the way and don't interrupt other people while they're eating.


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## sequeena

No I don't. If there is a play area me or OH take him there. He's quite disruptive so we don't eat out often.


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## sparkle_1979

Also if your little one is at an age where they can't sit in a restaurant try and avoid until she's older
We didn't eat out for a year with jasmine because she wouldn't sit for more than ten mins, I didn't enjoy it, she didn't and I'm sure other dinners didn't x

I must admit I've never seen anyone walking around a resturant with their food... I do think that's slightly bad manners x


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## Cassie123

I would never walk around eating. LO has always been taught good table manners and I would never let her walk around eating, I certainly wouldn't do it myself. 

LO has always been good in restaurants, we take enough toys/distractions for her. If she finishes her meal and is getting restless I would take her outside for a bit. 

I don't mind kids walking round if they are supervised, but I think when you are eating you should be sat at the table. It is just bad manners to wander around with your meal.


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## Natasha2605

I wouldn't allow it. But I also wouldn't walk around eating, I don't think thats good manners.

My girls have good table manners and I go to family friendly restaurants if we have the kids (usually).


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## Loui1001

We eat out quite regularly and DS is always very good, I bring toys with me to keep him occupied or he's content to colour in. On a few occasions when he's been really bored I've taken him outside for a walk but I wouldn't let him walk around inside. It would stress me out too much and tbh I don't think it's fair on the waiters and waitresses, they have enough to do without sidestepping busy toddlers, never mind the risk that he'd get burned or have something dropped on him. I wouldn't walk around with my food either, I do enough of that at home so meals out are to be enjoyed!


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## Banshee

I also don't allow the boys to wander around restaurants. We eat out every once in a while. If it's a family friendly place with a children's play area then they can go there but if it's just a regular restaurant then they have to stay in their chairs. That has always been the expectation and they are pretty ok with it. We do distract them with apps on phones or colouring etc if necessary. 
As others have mentioned I wouldn't think it was very safe to have a toddler hanging around where wait staff could be carrying hot food and drinks. 
I'd also just add that one of my friends was letting her son run around in a restaurant and he banged his head right into the corner of a table and they had to call an ambulance coz it was bleeding so much. Eeeek!


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## bumpbear

LO will stay in her highchair for a max of 30 minutes so if we don't all manage to chow down our food in that time, we generally take it in turns to walk with her. 

We don't allow her to go around the tables as that would annoy the other diners who I assume would just wanna eat in peace without my kid bothering them, but we do walk up and down the communal areas such as the lobby and and outside too if the weather is alright. We obviously steer clear of areas where we may get in the way of wait staff carrying food. I wouldn't take my plate with me though - I don't think the restaurant staff would be too happy about that either (unless maybe it's a buffet/ fast food type place)!

Eating out is more of an ordeal than a pleasurable experience at the mo but we do it anyway as we want LO to learn how to behave at restaurants! Not sure if thats the right approach, but it's the one we're taking.


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## XJessicaX

I find great amusement with the image of OP walking around a restaurant clutching a bowl and twirling tagliatelle whilst following small child.


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## lovelylaura

XJessicaX said:


> I find great amusement with the image of OP walking around a restaurant clutching a bowl and twirling tagliatelle whilst following small child.

Glad its not just me with that image :haha:


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## jd83

Banshee said:


> I'd also just add that one of my friends was letting her son run around in a restaurant and he banged his head right into the corner of a table and they had to call an ambulance coz it was bleeding so much. Eeeek!

I also have a friend whose lo was hurt while roaming around a restaurant to keep from boredom (probably around 2 yrs old when it happened?); he slipped and fell on some ranch dressing that had been spilled and not cleaned up yet, and ended up having to get X-rays on his ankle because it swelled up pretty badly. 

Another reason I'd rather just keep them at the table with me and try my best to keep them occupied.

I usually request the kids food to be brought out as soon as its ready, also, as that's less time they have to wait, getting antsy for their food.


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## Banshee

I think going to restaurants with toddlers is all about planning. If possible I try and look at the menu beforehand so I can save time on ordering. Take something with me to entertain the boys (I have some colouring pencils that live in my bag if all else fails). I always ask for the boys food to be brought out as soon as it's ready - with the starters if people are having starters. Just generally trying to make it as smooth as possible lol


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## HKateH

Regardless of whether I would or wouldn't let my child wander around a restaurant with me in pursuit, I would *never* walk around eating. In my opinion that is simply bad manners. If, for whatever reason, I didn't get chance to eat my dinner, I would either chalk it up to experience or quietly ask the waiter if they could box it up for me to take home.


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## Incubus

Never. 

I work in a restaurant and it's so annoying when people allow there kids to run around the place, people without children don't want kids running around them and it's dangerous when your carrying plates of hot food/drinks and they run in front of you.


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## Foogirl

Reading these replies, and as We eat out a lot, I'm wondering who the heck it is letting children wander around restaurants as most of them seem to. I have to say, I hate it. The number of times random children come up and gawp at us whilst eating, then run off and you see waiting staff with plates full of food trying to navigate round them. Horrible.

Our daughter didn't walk as a toddler, and still doesn't now. She has no choice but to sit at the table but I have to say for the most part she manages fine with no whingeing or boredom. We do use the colouring in things but mostly as a family we sit and chat, we always have done, even before she was able to properly converse. it's still possible,to engage a toddler in the conversation. I think the problem can be that adults go out for dinner and forget that their children are a part of it. I've seen tables of mostly adults with one child and they completely ignore them, so of course the child gets bored and wanders off. I wouldn't let my child get down from the dinner table at home so I wouldn't let them do it in a restaurant. 

Having said all that, if we ever get the chance to have a walking toddler, I might well be eating my words! But to be honest, if that were the case, we'd avoid eating out.


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## _jellybean_

I have to add that a while ago we took both kids to the restaurant, and it was WAY too much so we decided to stop going out to eat, but I do think it's important to teach kids to sit at the table and have manners. Dh is the one who sent me that info, Noodleshack. Oh, I usually don't have kids walking up to me at a table while I'm eating dinner. I didn't realize a lot of parents let their kids run around restaurants--I'd think the wait staff would say something, but I guess not? 

Anyway, having lo's can be tough. I'd just try to bring things with to distract so you can have a nice meal too:) xxoo


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## hubblybubbly

If it's one of our friends restaurants at lunchtime and it's quiet, then yes, we know a lot of locals and they are happy for her to join them at the bar, or go see their dog while they're having a drink etc, she isn't allowed to go up to people while they are eating though, and I certainly wouldn't walk round after her eating my food.

If its a restaurant where we don't know the proprietors, or if the familiar ones are busy she stays at the table with us and does an activity, them gets bored and we take it in turns to go outside with her. X


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## lindseymw

Nope never.

We take things to keep them occupied such as movie on the phone, books, cars. We eat out at least twice a week and have never wandered around after a child. I think it's very bad manners and quite dangerous!


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## alicecooper

No - kids sit at the table nicely (unless they're coming with me to get food from a buffet, but a toddler wouldn't be doing that).


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## RachA

We don't allow it. We went for a period of time where we didn't go out for meals because DD wouldn't stay in the high chair-she wasn't interested in the good either so we'd basically be sat at the table trying to stop her from screaming and trying to eat food. We decided it wasn't worth it so stopped going out for about a year. 
If we go out now and the food is taking ages we'll distract with colouring or iphone. If that stops working we'll go outside. 
I don't think it's appropriate to let children down and wandering around-partly from a safety aspect and partly because it's not great for the other diners. 
We tend not to take the children to posh places but we'd expect them to behave the same in McDonalds as we would in a posh place.


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## d_b

I take him to the entranceway or outside to walk around but not usually throughout the restaurant. Mostly I'm afraid a waiter would spill coffee on him. But I haven't brought him to many restaurants since he became a toddler because I find it stressful.


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## Ganton

No, I wouldn't allow my LO to wander around. I'm going for a family meal for my birthday in a few weeks and am already thinking of ways to keep him occupied. The place we're going to has an outdoor play area, so I think we'll take him out there while we wait for food, then he'll be happy eating for a while. I'm also going to take colouring stuff and a couple of small toys do that he can play at the table for a while.
We eat out with him a fair bit, but normally try not to stay too long, but with there being 12 of us for my birthday, I'm expecting we'll be there a while, hence the extra planning.


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## SarahBear

NoodleSnack said:


> Instead of trying to hold him still, I just walk behind him with my own food. I got some funny look and some smile. I wonder what the funny looks meant.

If she's not in anyone's way, yes. I will sometimes also direct her to a particular area such as the waiting area. I don't walk around with my food though. I'm guessing that's what the funny looks are about.


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## NoodleSnack

I never knew so many people are so stuck up about eating. I figured everyone must have eaten while walking, how do you avoid doing that after more than 20 years of living? Don't you ever grab a bag of chips, cookie, chocolate, hamburger, sandwich etc while you're on the way somewhere? What about eating at a party? Genuinely baffled. 

Maybe you're thinking just in a restaurant? I've been to restaurants where there's mostly standing room, and eaten in so many other ways, so it doesn't make me think twice about not sitting down. 

It's not about lack of preparedness, not ordering beforehand etc, I (and I bet most parents) have thought and done most of the things some of you said you do (accept the table cloth, I just got down and clean the worst on the floor with napkins or wipes), it's about a toddler who doesn't like to stay still anywhere and my choice to let him walk around instead of having a scene and leaving without my dinner. I never get bothered by kids walking up to me (what's to be annoyed about? It's just a little kid being curious) so I still don't see a problem from that point of view, although I knew before I started the thread that there are people out there who get bothered by such things, but I can see it from a safety perspective.


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## NoodleSnack

XJessicaX said:


> I find great amusement with the image of OP walking around a restaurant clutching a bowl and twirling tagliatelle whilst following small child.

What was I wearing? I'll forgive the amusement at my expense if it's something chic.


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## SarahBear

Oh, well I'll eat while on the move, but not in a restaurant. That sounds a little odd to me. I guess at a fast food restaurant or a "fast-casual" type place it wouldn't be too odd. I tend to go to regular sit-down restaurants though.


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## AngelofTroy

I have followed Micah round a restaurant before! More than once! I've not taken my food with me but only because I'm not coordinated enough to navigate the tables and eat at the same time:haha:


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## xSin

I can only assume perhaps this must be a cultural thing??? 

I've never seen kids wandering around restaurants where I go, nor do I allow my toddler to wander around. For a number of reasons

It's not safe for them, other people (servers, other diners, etc) aren't expecting a toddler to be running around on the loose. They could get tripped on easily, they could fall and hit their head like a previous poster mentioned seeing happen, and I don't know about you but my toddler moves FAST and I could "blink" and she'd be in the back in the kitchen where it's DEFINITELY not safe for a toddler to go. 

I also remember before I had kids, finding it irritating when I encountered people who not just thought their kids were "Just the cutest!" (which is normal) but lived in a state of expectation that the rest of the world would feel the same (which is annoying!!!). Is it cute seeing a toddler toddle around? The phrase "There's a time and place for everything!" comes to mind. At a restaurant, during mealtime, is neither the time nor the place. To me, it's a parents responsibility to teach their children etiquette. It's not something we're born with, it's something we learn. 

When my OH and daughter and I go out for a meal, we ask for a booth if the restaurant has them. Then, our daughter stands on the seat between the wall and one of us; this way she's free to "stand/walk" while still remaining at the table and interacting with those who she is dining with. When there's no booth options available we usually give her the opportunity to sit in a regular chair and if she "struggles" to remain seated, we put her in a high chair. She's 22months and extremely active and mobile, but we go out pretty regularly and she's very well behaved. 

That being said... I saw a comment above which mentioned something about "mostly standing room" ??? I've never seen such a thing except maybe at a food truck?


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## Foogirl

No I don't eat on the move. I don't particularly like doing it. And the gawping bother me because for one it is very off putting, and secondly children gawp and stare at Abby whenever she goes. It makes her shy and nervous.


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## Ganton

xSin said:


> I also remember before I had kids, finding it irritating when I encountered people who not just thought their kids were "Just the cutest!" (which is normal) but lived in a state of expectation that the rest of the world would feel the same (which is annoying!!!).

This is how I feel. Even if LO is say at our table but manages to get the attention of another diner, I try to distract him with something else after a short while, as I think there's only so long that someone wants to play peekaboo with someone else's child. 



> When there's no booth options available we usually give her the opportunity to sit in a regular chair and if she "struggles" to remain seated, we put her in a high chair.

My son likes to sit in the normal chairs too, but we have a high chair ready, so that we can give the "option" of being strapped into the high chair if he can't sit nicely. He's only just getting to the age where he can understand and remember the consequences, but it's starting to work and normally makes him sit back down nicely rather than us having to wrestle a toddler into a high chair!


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## Rachel_C

No, we don't let the kids walk around in a restaurant. If we have been there a while and they're getting bored with good reason, I will take them to the toilets (exciting trip, I know!) or maybe outside for a few minutes, or OH will sometimes take them to help him refill drinks in places like Nando's. I would never walk around eating and would find it incredibly rude if I saw somebody else doing that. I wouldn't let the kids walk around eating either, not in a restaurant anyway. The only time I'd ever let the kids get down from the table is if we were somewhere with quite secluded areas and we were the only ones there e.g. we ate in a pub conservatory once and we were the only people in that bit so I let my oldest get down to play. As soon as there are other diners or staff around, they stay at the table. 

If the kids aren't capable of behaving properly in a certain setting, we just don't take them there. I probably wouldn't take them to a posh restaurant until they're a bit older as I don't think it's fair to them; we tend to go to fairly loud family-friendly places for now. I always take a selection of little toys they can play quietly with at the table too.


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## Eleanor ace

If we're at a very family friendly restraunt/cafe I'll sometimes let DS walk around, or more like from one place toa nother- like to look at a fish tank, kids corner etc. DD no, she's too little, she'd just wander up to people and a lot of people wouldn't like that. 
I think the looks are about you walking around eating, I can't say I've ever seen that and it does strike me as odd. Although it sounds as if you're from a culture where that is more of a done thing, as you've been to lots of standing room restraunts and I've never seen anything like that here (UK). I eat on the move regularly at home and occasionally outside (like an ice cream or a piece of fruit, not a proper meal lol) but eating on the move in a restraunt here would be considered very poor manners.


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## Logan's Mum

No I wouldn't allow my children to walk round the restaurant, even just round the table we are sitting at. You can get in the way of the other diners or waiting staff. I would also bring things to entertain the children at the table. X


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## Bevziibubble

We usually try to go to child-friendly restaurants that have a children's area she can play in. She is very good at staying in the children's area. If we go to a different restaurant then I will try to entertain her at the table as best as I can.


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## AngelUK

We don't go to restaurants cause my boys would never stay at the table unless strapped into a high-chair and I doubt they'd think it fun for such a long time. But apart from that, I would never allow them to walk around and I certainly would never walk around eating my food on the move. 
And I certainly agree with xSin too, that it is too much to expect other people finding my boys as gorgeous and fun as I do.


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## petite ping

I tend to take the LO to noisy restaurants so she can shout as much as she likes. She loves the sound of her own voice. On the other hand I would not let her walk around and visit other tables. I don't think it is the responsibility of other diners to entertain my child. Eating out is expensive in France and if I was eating in a restaurant I would prefer to be left alone and not circled by an unknown toddler and her shadow.

The LO stays in her chair though we tend to include her in the meal / discussion and not just talk over her. I don't bring her any toys. 

If she does get grumpy, OH walks her to the changing room or toilet which in France can be quite an adventure (upstairs or hidden in corners). However she does tend to try and go through the pockets of the waiters and we do spend a lot of time picking up food from the floor.

We have taken her to posh restaurants in the past and she was impeccably behaved (proud mommy moment) but I don't think I will take her to one for a while as she is going through a shouty, food spitting phase. I have seen other toddlers in posh restaurants in France and their behaviour seems to depend on how close they are to their naptime.


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## SillyMoo1983

We rarely go out for a meal but when we do we try to choose somewhere family friendly. DD is not a fan of actual sitting down! We will take it in turns to wander outside with her, except when we're eating when she has to sit down. I try to occupy her with crayons, Ipad, puzzles etc but it doesn't always work. If I tried to force her to sit for a long time she'd just shout and yell and get in a state. I wouldn't go as far as eating my dinner as I walked around though. I'd end up dropping it! I don't let her bother people at the other tables, I wouldn't like that if I was out for a quiet meal.


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## RaspberryK

No and it pisses me off, especially then when ds wants to get down because there are other children messing around. 
Unless it's a children's pub with a play area then he stays seated. Even then he has to sit and finish eating before he goes off to play again. 
And no I don't eat anything walking around unless maybe an odd ice cream. 
I don't let ds eat whilst walking either, it's not only rude but also a choking hazard. 
At parties? Like where there is a buffet ... still don't eat moving around, you get a plate and fill it, and choose somewhere to stand if no seating available. I wouldn't be walking around, unless it's drinks and canapés where it's just a bite and you're standing mingling.
It's just how I've been brought up though, perhaps it is stuck up. 
Xx


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## Bex84

No but then she doesent walk around and home when eating food. We sit up table. We dont eat stuff walking about either. I got bought up having meals at table and we have done same with lo. When lo couldent sit long we didnt go or now we would just take outside or play area if have it though havent ovely needed to or just get a doggy bag and go. I take some colouring and small puzzles to entertain. I know when i was waitressin it was a mine field not falling over small children when carrying heavy plates of food. I hated doing one of the mixed grill meals as water was poured on top as you left kitchen and would be spitting and steaming and you had to be so careful.


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## sparkle_1979

NoodleSnack said:


> I never knew so many people are so stuck up about eating. I figured everyone must have eaten while walking, how do you avoid doing that after more than 20 years of living? Don't you ever grab a bag of chips, cookie, chocolate, hamburger, sandwich etc while you're on the way somewhere? What about eating at a party? Genuinely baffled.
> 
> Maybe you're thinking just in a restaurant? I've been to restaurants where there's mostly standing room, and eaten in so many other ways, so it doesn't make me think twice about not sitting down.
> 
> It's not about lack of preparedness, not ordering beforehand etc, I (and I bet most parents) have thought and done most of the things some of you said you do (accept the table cloth, I just got down and clean the worst on the floor with napkins or wipes), it's about a toddler who doesn't like to stay still anywhere and my choice to let him walk around instead of having a scene and leaving without my dinner. I never get bothered by kids walking up to me (what's to be annoyed about? It's just a little kid being curious) so I still don't see a problem from that point of view, although I knew before I started the thread that there are people out there who get bothered by such things, but I can see it from a safety perspective.

I'm not hung up at all but I like to think I have manners... it's not the done thing to walk around restaurants eating your dinner... I've never seen anyone do that :shrug:

Of course I will grab something if I'm on the way someplace, I'd eat in my car if I had to, or sit on a bench, I walk around the house munching on fruit.... These things are different to walking around a restaurant... Maybe it's a culture thing, but the. Again I've travelled a lot and I've just never seen it done :shrug:


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## AngelUK

^me neither, except perhaps in a pub?


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## Bex84

I think its a cultural thing in what is seen as good manners rather than been stuck up.


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## sparkle_1979

AngelUK said:


> ^me neither, except perhaps in a pub?


No not a pub unless a beer garden but even then it's just around the table... Maybe it is just me lol... I just remember before I had my girls I worked in a bar and kids running around was everyone's pet hate, I can't imagine trying to serve food and dodge little people. Then there are the other diners to consider ?


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## skc22

In a restaurant, absolutely not. I go to family friendly places, but I expect my dd to sit at the table. I bring loads of things to keep her amused. She is very social so would interrupt other peoples meals if she wondered about. I love her to bits, but in don't expect others to, especially while having a meal out. 
I'm afraid I would be looking at you strangely if you were walking around eating in a restaurant. Im surprised the staff haven't asked you to eat at your table. They certainly would do that here. I'm not a particularly strict parent, but I expect good manners. Yes toddlers will be toddlers and they aren't made to sit still for long, but I just wouldn't bother until she could sit for longer. Mine is throwing lots of tantrums lately and I haven't taken her to a restaurant for a few weeks because of this


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## pippi_89

No I entertain them at the table. If they make too much of a fuss i take them outside until they calm down then bring them back. I would never let them walk around just to avoid a scene, they need to learn that that is poor behaviour! I think they need to learn to sit until everyone has finished.


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## lau86

I wouldn't want them walking round at a restaurant. They are a trip hazard for other people and waiters carrying hot food. Also it's rude


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## jd83

NoodleSnack said:


> I never knew so many people are so stuck up about eating. I figured everyone must have eaten while walking, how do you avoid doing that after more than 20 years of living? Don't you ever grab a bag of chips, cookie, chocolate, hamburger, sandwich etc while you're on the way somewhere? What about eating at a party? Genuinely baffled.
> 
> Maybe you're thinking just in a restaurant?

I don't think its that people are stuck up, its just general good manners when you are out to eat, and proper etiquette towards others who are paying good money to eat out to not have small children randomly wandering up to them, and/or wandering around them while they are trying to enjoy a meal out. I 've never been to a "standing room only" type setting restaurant either, so maybe that's different where you live? They'd never allow a restaurant to be that full here, as it wouldn't pass fire safety codes to have the building that full. All buildings have maximum capacity limits, which usually is the number of seated people, workers, and the amount of people allowed to wait inside for a table to open.

Yes, I have eaten on the go before, but its generally not a meal. Its usually a small snack, ice cream, etc, and never in a restaurant. An actual meal I would likely stand and eat, or find a place to sit and eat. And I definitely don't let the kids eat while moving around, its a choking hazard.


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## _jellybean_

Didn't think I was being stuck up about eating, NS? Everyone's different I guess. It does get easier though when they're a bit older. I think that around the 12 month point is when it's hardest to take them out to eat.


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## hattiehippo

I don't think it's particularly stuck up to expect a child to not disturb other people or to not eat while wandering round in a restaurant. But maybe it is just a cultural thing that you feel it is ok OP as its certainly never something I've seen in the UK. At a buffet you might have to stand for a bit but even then you'd find a spot and stand there rather than walk around with a plate of food.

I do get what you're saying about your toddler not wanting to sit and obviously he's still only little but it's worth thinking about what you'll do when he's a bit bigger, 2,3,4, etc and still doesn't want to sit for long. Even people who think a small toddler wandering around is cute tend to find it less cute and acceptable as they get to 3+ and much more able to sit and behave (mostly!)


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## CarlyP

We tend to go to places that are child friendly, our favourite has a small indoor play area, so we can sit and have our meal together while the children play, we usually order them a range of food from the starter menu so they can come and pick at bits.


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## TryinFor1

I just don't see how seven pages of all but like one person saying no is stuck up. I think my child is awesome but as others said I do not expect others to. I do not like random kids coming up to me. It makes me feel very awkward. That isn't being stuck up, that's wanting to enjoy my food with my own kid, not someone else's random child. I too have grabbed food on the go but I would never walk and eat and definitely not let him do it because as others have said, it is a safety issue. 


Also, yes. People think you are talking about a sit down restaurant since your title of the thread is, "Do you let your toddler walk around the restaurant" a sit down restaurant is gonna be the first thing people think about.


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## AnneD

pippi_89 said:


> No I entertain them at the table. If they make too much of a fuss i take them outside until they calm down then bring them back. I would never let them walk around just to avoid a scene, they need to learn that that is poor behaviour! I think they need to learn to sit until everyone has finished.

This is what I do.


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## staralfur

Oh, my favourite. Ask people a question and then get super defensive and insult people who disagree with you (everyone, in this particular case). 

No one is being "stuck up". Walking around with a plate of food at a restaurant is completely bizarre. You can put it down to cultural differences if you'd like, but seeing as you were getting strange looks yourself, I doubt that's the case. 

I don't particularly think it's the _most_ inappropriate thing you could do at a restaurant, but it's also not something most people are going to deem normal behaviour.


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## Miss Vintage

Before I had a child, children wandering around restaurants used to be a pet peeve, and I still feel the same. My son is a major tantrum thrower and a fussy eater, so I wouldn't take him to a restaurant anyway as I wouldn't want to disturb others. If I did, I certainly wouldn't let him wander around or follow him around, that's just two people the wait staff have to work around. Also, my son is of the opinion that he is adorable and everyone loves him! I might think this, but I don't expect other people to, I'd be embarrassed if he was to bother other diners. I don't think it's stuck up if people want to teach good manners, and in my opinion that includes eating at the table in a restaurant and respecting other diners and staff.


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## KatieB

Until Louis can sit and behave at the table (currently impossible at home), I won't be taking him to a restaurant. Following him running all over the place would be a pain in the arse and take any pleasure out of going, although to be fair to him I think he'd probably be better behaved outside of his familiar surroundings and may actually sit still. I also wouldn't dream of following him whilst eating, going past everyone else's tables etc, whilst they try to enjoy their meals, conversation and so on.


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## sequeena

My son is definitely one for going up to strangers and interrupting their meal so walking round is a big no for us.


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## jd83

I also think allowing them to walk around randomly in a restaurant using the excuse that they are little and get bored easily is just setting up a very bad habit to break later. If you allow your child to do that for several years because they are "little", how and when do you decide that they are old enough to know better and to sit for a meal? How do you then break that habit of walking around in restaurants when your child's been allowed to do so for so long?

TBH, I just think its way easier to teach them from the get go proper manners at a restaurant, and bring enough things to entertain them for the duration of the meal. If they can't handle it at the time, sometimes its best to do take out for a while until they CAN handle it. We sometimes have issues with DS2 being able to sit for an entire meal without throwing a fit at a restaurant, but if between the 2 of us we can't find a way to entertain him briefly, we would rather take him outside to walk a few minutes than have him roam around bothering others and creating a hazard to the wait staff.


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## aliss

I'm afraid I'd have to agree with everyone else and when I worked in a restaurant, I would have asked you to sit him down or leave. It's not appropriate for the social setting.

My kids have crap table manners, and won't sit. I sympathize. We go out to eat at the 2 fast food places with a playplace designed for kids (Burger King and McDonalds) and that's basically it. On very rare occasions, there is a place here called St Hubert which has a 'castle' with kid's tv and toys inside, but that's rare. 

I have to admit I've never seen anyone do this and I'd be really shocked because I'd think _who does that!?!?!?!? _ (apparently Noodleshack does :rofl:)


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## dani_tinks

Nope. I think it's really important for children to learn good table manners. My son's 4 and finds it very difficult to sit still but he has to learn. We only eat at family friendly restaurants with Jacob, and I make sure to bring a car or two to keep him entertained. 
He will get up when he's finished his meal and sometimes walks around the table to the other side, but there's no way i'd let him walk around the restaurant and disturb other diners.


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## Foogirl

I think it's rather funny that there are people out there who think having table manners is "stuck up"


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## RachA

I think i am probably a little bit stuck up - more because i don't like using the excuse of 'its a family friendly place so my lo can do what they want' (not quoting anyone here and not having a go either before i get pounced on). My point of view is that if we are having a meal we are sat down. This is true whether we are in a posh place of McDonalds or even soft play. I will let them come back for little snacks but if i have ordered a proper meal i expect them to sit down and eat it. I'm not very popular as if we are somewhere where the adults have a plate of food on their knees i will make my two sit at a table otherwise the food just ends up on the floor.
Sometimes i feel that using family friendly gives people the excuse for not teaching their children proper manners (again not having a go at anyone here because you've all stated you will go to family friendly places but still teach the children how they should be behaving) :)


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## bumpbear

I do think its a bit unusual for an adult to be walking around a restaurant with a plate of food, but it does depend on what kind of restaurant it is. If I was eating in e.g. mcdonalds, I would not care if someone was walking around eating a burger whilst keeping an eye on their kid. Its mcdonalds. If its a sit down restaurant, then no.

Are people really that bothered if a kid comes up to them and says 'hi' before being quickly ushered away by a parent who is walking them to an area where they can have a bit of freedom? I'm rather surprised by that.

I am quite happy for a kid to come up and say a brief hello in these instances and totally don't think its bad manners for kids to walk around in appropriate areas of the restaurant where they won't get in anyone's way (e.g. the lobby or near the loos etc).

I don't think anyone would dream of letting their kid roam around a restaurant wildly unsupervised without directing them where to go? Thats totally different to walking through the restaurant to get to an area where the kid can let off a bit of energy and not be confined to a highchair.

It's fine to say 'don't take them to restaurants until they're ready', but sometimes you have no choice but to eat out, e.g. when you are traveling to another part of town and can't get home to eat or if you've been invited out to a group dinner to celebrate etc. And sometimes, it's just nice to get out and be served for once!

I might add, at the risk of offending people, being a British expat living in the states, that I do think that in the UK, people are less child friendly and get het up about these things. Adults also don't seem to know how to speak to children they're not related to in the UK and get very taken aback/ caught off guard if a child approaches them. US children are much more outgoing and will approach people and generally always get a welcome response back because being sociable is encouraged here. It is a very different culture. If we have been in the UK a few weeks, my daughter comes back very subdued and it takes her a while to adjust back to the US way of doing things. In the US, if I take her out for a walk in a stroller, a lot of people will say hi and stop for a chat with her when they pass her and she converses back. Totally different cultures.


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## freckleonear

No, never. I don't think it's appropriate for a child to be wandering around and I would find it really rude and intrusive to have an adult repeatedly walking past my table. As others have said, how do you then break the habit later? A child who isn't required to sit still will never learn to sit still.

When my children were babies or toddlers, I just distracted them with whatever was handy (keys, menus, sugar sachets, etc.) or played games like "round and round the garden" and colour "I spy". If necessary I would take them out of the highchair and hold them on my lap. For very long family meals with a big table and plenty of space, I would occasionally let them sit on the floor but never move away from the table.


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## pippi_89

bumpbear said:


> I might add, at the risk of offending people, being a British expat living in the states, that I do think that in the UK, people are less child friendly and get het up about these things. Adults also don't seem to know how to speak to children they're not related to in the UK and get very taken aback/ caught off guard if a child approaches them. US children are much more outgoing and will approach people and generally always get a welcome response back because being sociable is encouraged here. It is a very different culture. If we have been in the UK a few weeks, my daughter comes back very subdued and it takes her a while to adjust back to the US way of doing things. In the US, if I take her out for a walk in a stroller, a lot of people will say hi and stop for a chat with her when they pass her and she converses back. Totally different cultures.

I would actually agree with you there! I, personally would do the same as you, that's how I was taught but in general British people are not that friendly with anyone they don't know, children or adults (and I say this as a UK citizen). You can't even smile at a stranger without getting a funny look!

I agree in appropriate areas of a restaurant it's fine for kids to stretch their legs but not wandering around other people's tables while they are eating.


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## RachA

bumpbear - it thinks its true what you are saying about being less child friendly in the uk. I'm only bothered by a child coming and saying hi if OH and i are having a dinner out on our own (doesn't happen that often) and the child is at our table either for ages or just keeps coming back. If the child is being taken to another part of the restaurant that wouldn't bother me and i don't think that's what would bother most people that have mentioned it - i think it's more the repeated behaviour.
People here in the UK are definitely less welcoming of other adults taking to our children. Although i have been brought up in the UK i have been influenced by other nationalities and generally speaking they are much more open and in my experience that doesn't have to mean bad mannered either.


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## emyandpotato

Well it depends. We don't take him anywhere really posh so places are quite relaxed anyway. If it's very quiet, like a pub with basically no one eating or just other families, he can wander so long as he isn't bothering anyone. If it's busy he can play around our table if he must, though I prefer him to sit at the table and play, but obviously later in to the meal he often doesn't want to anymore. If it was just somewhere like McDonalds I'd let him wander about. 

I do have to keep an eye on him though as once when he couldn't even walk yet he managed to escape from Pizza Express in about ten seconds as he snuck out while someone was leaving!


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## aliss

I don't know many cultures where that would be tolerated, even in uber child-friendly ones. The degree of discipline would vary I'm sure, ranging from a "please sit down" here in Canada down to an ass whoopin' in more ... Obedient ... Places ;)


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## Jchihuahua

In Pizza Hut the other day two little girls kept coming over to our table and saying 'boo!' to Daisy. They meant no harm but I was still a bit peeved with their parents who were just letting them do it as we were trying to enjoy a family meal and my kids are not allowed to get down from the table when we are eating (choking hazard as well as not being good table manners). Daisy kept asking why she wasn't allowed to play and I explained that when we are having a meal it is a time to sit nicely and enjoy the food and company, not to wander around. If any of mine refused to sit then we'd go home.


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## babycrazy1706

No I make Elijah sit down


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## louandivy

Definitely not! As someone who used to be a waitress I know how annoying it is when you have to worry about tripping over and injuring a small child because their parents seem to think that restaurants also soft play centres urghhh


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## MrsPear

If the restaurant is empty I would let Joni explore a bit, but not otherwise. It isn't really fair on the other diners. Even if they have children they don't necessarily want to be bothered with your children.

I think it's important to think of other diners when you go and eat. Even if it's just noise not moving around. We went to Wagamama's the other week, which is very family friendly. Joni cried through the whole meal so OH took her outside. In the end I told him to bring her back in because it was so noisy that I really don't think anyone was being disturbed by her. However, this weekend we went out for a meal in a family friendly pub and Joni was crying (sometimes don't know why we bother going out if I'm honest!) and I noticed the boy at the table next to us was getting visibly distressed by her noise (he was about 7-8 and I think he had something like autism/sensory processing disorder) so I took her outside immediately and didn't take her back.

To be honest I wouldn't really enjoy my meal if I thought it was at the expense of other diners' experience.


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## babycrazy1706

louandivy said:


> Definitely not! As someone who used to be a waitress I know how annoying it is when you have to worry about tripping over and injuring a small child because their parents seem to think that restaurants also soft play centres urghhh

Agreed


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## liz1985

No. If he's really playing up OH or myself might take him a little walk outside. We wouldnt take him anywhere too posh but even kid friendly places I hate kids wandering around. Child friendly to me means not getting dagger eyes when your child makes a lot of noise but people should still be able to eat without random kids at the table, plus Im always scared someone will spill something hot on them.


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## MrsButterfly

No he sits in his high chair and we occupy him at the table. 

The roaming around makes me uncomfortable for a number of reasons. 1 - it's not fair on other diners. I consider myself pretty kid friendly these days but if I'm on one of those super rare meals out with DH alone last thing I want is some other child coming up to us non stop. 2 - it's dangerous. Waiting staff are carrying around hot food and drinks and shouldn't have to put up with an assault course. 

I agree with the pp who said about it not being a soft play. I personally think its important to be clear about appropriate behaviour from the get go. Gonna be pretty confusing for my lo in a few years when I want him to sit still if he's used to running riot.


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## Button#

No I wouldn't. LO is a trip hazard, he sneaks up behind people and just stands there so I'd be worried about him being hurt. I also would find it rude to have people wandering around eating in a sit down restaurant. I've also had my LO sit up to the table/in a highchair for every meal since weaning. Even if we have a picnic I expect him to sit down and eat. Like pp's have said it's a choking hazard. I take a couple of cars and a book with me and make sure I know what I'm ordering before going. I also don't think LO would like other children coming up to the table when he was eating, I think that would freak him out a bit.


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## RachA

I was out at our local Hungry Horse pub last year sometime. The pub is set out with the booths in the middle and the tables around them creating a path between the two that was in a circle. There was a child of around 3 running round in a big circle between the tables and booths-one of the parents was following her. We overheard them being asked nicely to stop their child running around - they didn't intervene at all and in the end the people were told to stop her or leave. They did in the end stop her but complained about it. It was a huge safety risk as the circuit took her right by the kitchen door.


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## Shadowy Lady

I don't. I only bring her to family restaurants anyway (fancy restaurants are saved for me and DH only). I bring things to entertain her before/after food and anyway she's always entertained by her food.

I think once I did let her walk around this big sushi place with me behind her (not eating though lol). It wasn't very busy that day and the only 3 ppl there smiled at us. My daughter is 20 months btw.


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## lhancock90

Actually I change my answer. As a previous waitress, no I wouldn't perhaps if the restaurant is relaxed but not really no, it's dangerous to the people trying to serve hot food, multiple plates and drinks etc. in McDonalds. KFC yes but anywhere else no.


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## shanny

No, I expect the same at home as well as out. They sit at the table to eat. 

I love those places that have crayons etc for the children - really helps to keep them occupied while they wait.


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## Foogirl

lhancock90 said:


> Actually I change my answer. As a previous waitress, no I wouldn't perhaps if the restaurant is relaxed but not really no, it's dangerous to the people trying to serve hot food, multiple plates and drinks etc. in McDonalds. KFC yes but anywhere else no.

I'd say McDonalds is a bigger risk. There you have untrained customers (rather than trained waiting staff) wandering round with trays full of food and often hot drinks. I hate navigating round errant toddlers as I am terrified I'll spill my coffee on them.:dohh:

I agree with those who say table manners are valid whether it be in McDonalds or Claridges. But I'm stuck up like that :haha:


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## SophiasMummy

No not at all. Most restaurants we go too are upscale so LO has learnt from a young age that she stays in her highchair until we leave. My grandma is amazed at how wellbehaved she is and the maitre d' at the main place we go to when we go out absolutely loves my LO and shows her to the table ahead of us everytime.

if my LO is a little unsettled while waiting for food she is allowed to play cbeebies or drawing on my phone


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## MrsHedgehog

We live in Italy and most places here are very child friendly in the sense that children are welcome almost everywhere. Most people are delighted to see young children out and about even if they are misbehaving a bit. I think society in general have become very intolerant of children which is sad. I don't think that children should be allowed to run wild in a restaurant but at the same time I don't think they should be forced to sit still or that parents should feel they can't go out for fear of annoying other diners. We have always taken LO out everywhere with us and we are lucky that she is very good at sitting still for quite a long time with some toys. Mostly she'll sit under the table at our feet pretending to be a dog or a cat! We allow her to roam a little bit if it's safe to do so and she's not getting in anyones way. I certainly don't stop her from speaking to other people at nearby tables. Most people here are delighted to speak to her and often it's others who initiate any conversation. I think it's quite sad TBH if you get annoyed by other children coming and looking at you or speaking to you. Fair enough if they're having a food fight or trying to steal your chips. Even then, I'd try to be understanding.


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## bumpbear

MrsHedgehog said:


> We live in Italy and most places here are very child friendly in the sense that children are welcome almost everywhere. Most people are delighted to see young children out and about even if they are misbehaving a bit. I think society in general have become very intolerant of children which is sad. I don't think that children should be allowed to run wild in a restaurant but at the same time I don't think they should be forced to sit still or that parents should feel they can't go out for fear of annoying other diners. We have always taken LO out everywhere with us and we are lucky that she is very good at sitting still for quite a long time with some toys. Mostly she'll sit under the table at our feet pretending to be a dog or a cat! We allow her to roam a little bit if it's safe to do so and she's not getting in anyones way. I certainly don't stop her from speaking to other people at nearby tables. Most people here are delighted to speak to her and often it's others who initiate any conversation. I think it's quite sad TBH if you get annoyed by other children coming and looking at you or speaking to you. Fair enough if they're having a food fight or trying to steal your chips. Even then, I'd try to be understanding.

Totally agree with you, and your experience in Italy is very similar to the one I have here in Manhattan of all places! You'd think this would be a very child unfriendly place, but in reality, businessmen in suits who look like they're rushed off their feet will wave hello and make silly faces at my DD as we walk past or make conversation with her when we're waiting for the lights to change so we can cross the street. Its really fun being here and it has made her very sociable.

I think a lot of the unfriendly attitude comes from the Victorian times when the term 'children should be seen and not heard' was coined.

Kids should be encouraged to behave, of course. But we can't expect them to mimic adults and sit through a 90 minute meal without wanting to leave their seats and go for a wander! I don't think its fair to expect families to stay home to eat until their youngest kid is 4 or 5 and as feel that as diners, we need to be more welcoming of kids in restaurants.


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## NoodleSnack

jd83 said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> I never knew so many people are so stuck up about eating. I figured everyone must have eaten while walking, how do you avoid doing that after more than 20 years of living? Don't you ever grab a bag of chips, cookie, chocolate, hamburger, sandwich etc while you're on the way somewhere? What about eating at a party? Genuinely baffled.
> 
> Maybe you're thinking just in a restaurant?
> 
> I don't think its that people are stuck up, its just general good manners when you are out to eat, and proper etiquette towards others who are paying good money to eat out to not have small children randomly wandering up to them, and/or wandering around them while they are trying to enjoy a meal out. I 've never been to a "standing room only" type setting restaurant either, so maybe that's different where you live? They'd never allow a restaurant to be that full here, as it wouldn't pass fire safety codes to have the building that full. All buildings have maximum capacity limits, which usually is the number of seated people, workers, and the amount of people allowed to wait inside for a table to open.
> 
> Yes, I have eaten on the go before, but its generally not a meal. Its usually a small snack, ice cream, etc, and never in a restaurant. An actual meal I would likely stand and eat, or find a place to sit and eat. And I definitely don't let the kids eat while moving around, its a choking hazard.Click to expand...

I'm referring to people who claim they never walk and eat because they think it's bad manner, that's really extreme - everywhere, every culture, there are places and circubstances where people eat while walking. I've lived in England and the US, it's definitely done there.

If they're just talking about restaurants, then it's more understandable. 

I currently live in nz. Elsewhere from the developed world, there are places where there's no fire safety codes (or at least it's not enforced) or capacity limits. "Restaurants" can be mere shacks. Food doesn't always come in the order of entree, mains, dessert.


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## NoodleSnack

staralfur said:


> Oh, my favourite. Ask people a question and then get super defensive and insult people who disagree with you (everyone, in this particular case).
> 
> No one is being "stuck up". Walking around with a plate of food at a restaurant is completely bizarre. You can put it down to cultural differences if you'd like, but seeing as you were getting strange looks yourself, I doubt that's the case.
> 
> I don't particularly think it's the _most_ inappropriate thing you could do at a restaurant, but it's also not something most people are going to deem normal behaviour.


I have not been defensive, please reread the post again and what the comment refer to in particular, and the subsequent paragraph for context. It's the only word I can think of that reflects my view of the people who claim they never walk and eat because it's bad manner - I struggle to think of how one can avoid doing it for 20 or more years.

My sentiment regarding toddler walking in restaurants is that I don't see why people get bothered by it but I'll still walk behind my child to ensure he doesn't bother others in case they don't feel like I do.

As for my walking and eating in a restaurant, if others see it as bad manner that's fine, I can see that in that setting most people sit down to eat, it doesn't bother me what people think if I was called to do it again, I'm not physically bothering them.


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## NoodleSnack

Foogirl said:


> I think it's rather funny that there are people out there who think having table manners is "stuck up"

Table manners could be numerous different forks or eating with your hands. It could mean never bring a knife to the table or different one for different course. Slurping down the bowl to show your appreciation or make as little noise as possible. Make the kids stay at a little kid table (or just out of sight) or let them dig in with their hands. I've seen all, so when someone say "table manner", the question is: for which setting? Fair enough that people here go to sit down restaurants to sit and eat, but to say they never (as in elsewhere too) walk and eat is really out there (at least to me).


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## steph.

If I saw you chasing your toddler while eating I wouldn't think it was rude. I would think "aw poor mum, doesnt get a break".

I do usually keep my toddler at the table, unless there is a play corner or the restaurant is empty and spacious so she can walk around without bugging anyone. But if another kid comes up to me to say hello, I dont mind as long as they arent being too disruptive :shrug:


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## NoodleSnack

bumpbear said:


> I do think its a bit unusual for an adult to be walking around a restaurant with a plate of food, but it does depend on what kind of restaurant it is. If I was eating in e.g. mcdonalds, I would not care if someone was walking around eating a burger whilst keeping an eye on their kid. Its mcdonalds. If its a sit down restaurant, then no.
> 
> Are people really that bothered if a kid comes up to them and says 'hi' before being quickly ushered away by a parent who is walking them to an area where they can have a bit of freedom? I'm rather surprised by that.
> 
> I am quite happy for a kid to come up and say a brief hello in these instances and totally don't think its bad manners for kids to walk around in appropriate areas of the restaurant where they won't get in anyone's way (e.g. the lobby or near the loos etc).
> 
> I don't think anyone would dream of letting their kid roam around a restaurant wildly unsupervised without directing them where to go? Thats totally different to walking through the restaurant to get to an area where the kid can let off a bit of energy and not be confined to a highchair.
> 
> It's fine to say 'don't take them to restaurants until they're ready', but sometimes you have no choice but to eat out, e.g. when you are traveling to another part of town and can't get home to eat or if you've been invited out to a group dinner to celebrate etc. And sometimes, it's just nice to get out and be served for once!
> 
> I might add, at the risk of offending people, being a British expat living in the states, that I do think that in the UK, people are less child friendly and get het up about these things. Adults also don't seem to know how to speak to children they're not related to in the UK and get very taken aback/ caught off guard if a child approaches them. US children are much more outgoing and will approach people and generally always get a welcome response back because being sociable is encouraged here. It is a very different culture. If we have been in the UK a few weeks, my daughter comes back very subdued and it takes her a while to adjust back to the US way of doing things. In the US, if I take her out for a walk in a stroller, a lot of people will say hi and stop for a chat with her when they pass her and she converses back. Totally different cultures.

I may have forgotten how bad the brits are. I do remember when I first got there thinking they weren't as bad as their reputation, this lady just helped me with directions. 

Americans are definitely way more outgoing but a bit too "huggy" for me.


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## NoodleSnack

MrsHedgehog said:


> We live in Italy and most places here are very child friendly in the sense that children are welcome almost everywhere. Most people are delighted to see young children out and about even if they are misbehaving a bit. I think society in general have become very intolerant of children which is sad. I don't think that children should be allowed to run wild in a restaurant but at the same time I don't think they should be forced to sit still or that parents should feel they can't go out for fear of annoying other diners. We have always taken LO out everywhere with us and we are lucky that she is very good at sitting still for quite a long time with some toys. Mostly she'll sit under the table at our feet pretending to be a dog or a cat! We allow her to roam a little bit if it's safe to do so and she's not getting in anyones way. I certainly don't stop her from speaking to other people at nearby tables. Most people here are delighted to speak to her and often it's others who initiate any conversation. I think it's quite sad TBH if you get annoyed by other children coming and looking at you or speaking to you. Fair enough if they're having a food fight or trying to steal your chips. Even then, I'd try to be understanding.

That's exactly what I'm used to, and most people here are actually very friendly. 

For all the people who say they are annoyed, I wonder if they're aware most of the time, most people just eat their food and engage in their conversations, only a few will notice us.


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## JASMAK

I haven't read through. I find it annoying when children run around restaurants. Not only is it a hazard (hot liquids etc) but I go out to relax...not to see and hear other children running around like a playground. If its McDonalds...I guess. I teach my kids appropriate behaviour, and I guess there is an expectation on my part for other parents to have the courtesy to control their kids to some extent.


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## Bex84

I have to say even though i wouldent do it kids doing it dont irritate me if they talk to me as i adore children and find them easier to talk to than adults. I think for me its more safety and dont want lo getting up from table. We have eaten things like those mini fresh douhnuts from food van on go or occasionally ice cream but generally we wont walk around eating. I dont judge for that. I got bought up by parents who didnt allow and when with grandparents it was not acceptable as it wasent socially accepted when they were young


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## MommyGrim

Yep, all the time. We mostly eat out at a local restaurant and know the staff and most of the customers (we live in a small town). So she gets up and walks around all the time. She knows where she shouldn't be though (the salad bar, beverage counter, or the kitchen). It's a small restaurant so I can see her wherever she goes. My daughter cannot sit for long periods of time, she has to get up and move or she gets agitated and destructive, even at home. It doesn't hurt anyone so I don't see the harm in it? :shrug: She also loves to converse with people, most of whom know us so they want to talk to her or old people who always stop by to talk to us about her or the twins. 
If it's overly crowded, we take her outside. If it's a nicer restaurant (VERY rare) we usually take her outside or give her one of our phones. 

If I saw a mom walking behind her kid eating I'd probably (like a PP) would think "Poor mom can't get a minute to eat." Wouldn't be strange to me though, some kids are really busy. 
Also, I really don't like kids (with the exception of my kids obviously lol) and I think it's adorable when they come up and say hi, most of the time the parents look embarrassed but I think it's so cute. It must be what other posters have said, a cultural thing. It's completely normal and I almost expect it when I see a small kid in a restaurant here. :shrug:


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## harrieth

No never they sit at the table with everybody else, I just make sure I take plenty to do...


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## calm

Its not so much the kids that run around the table as I try to eat that annoy me. Its the parents who are very insistently ignoring their kids and eating their meal as if they don't have any children at all which makes me cross!


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## kit10grl

I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.

Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child


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## sparkle_1979

I must admit if I'm out I just don't want other peoples kids around me if I'm trying to chat with friends or my husband. I have children 24/7 and it's so rare to get time away for adult conversations ...It really annoys me, just because you think your kids cute doesn't mean I do when I'm trying to eat my meal


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## Tasha

I've never let my LO's walk around the restaurant but have taken them outside for a little walk if they were getting fed up (like if food is taking ages to come).

LO's walking around dont tend to bother me if it is just me and my DH or friends, or my older two but my youngest is so easily distracted that it would bother me if she was there.

My thoughts if I saw you would be wow, amazing coordination to be supervising LO, dodging people and waiters and being able to eat on the go too :haha:


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## Miss Vintage

kit10grl said:


> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child

You've summed up perfectly how I feel about this. Also, I resent the comment about how 'bad Brits are' that someone made. I know plenty of Brits who adore talking to other people's children, I'm just not one of them, especially if I'm out for some child-free time!


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## sparkle_1979

I didn't like that comment either ... We regularly are in town, lots of people chat to my girls ..if I'm at the bank often someone is chatting to them etc... Seems your stuck up and unsociable if you enjoy a relaxing meal at a table without letting kids hassle strangers


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## jogami

We always go where there is a play area. We go for breakfast alot. There are two restaurants near my house with play areas, trampolines, jumping castles and other activities. They also have childminders but I always sit right by the play area so I can keep a close watch. I'm a paranoid mother and want to be able to see my kids at all times. If we go out to eat at night it's usually a place without a play area and I'll take my ipad or most restaurants offer pictures and crayons. He still can be a menace though so we usually try to do breakfasts as it's fun for the kids and us!


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## Noodlebear

I don't resent the comment about Brits not being great with other kids but I think it was a bit of a daft one lol. I am British and yeah, some people are clueless when my LO is about but I've travelled - believe it or not there are people like that world wide. :haha: I think if you want to try and define it, it's more of a generational thing than a cultural. 'Stranger danger' and all that. It's just not always acceptable to chat to children and not all parents like you to. In all fairness you shouldn't have to. I love children and never mind saying a quick hello to them or whatever but if I'm in a restaurant with my OH I'm there to eat and spend time with him, not play at being Barney the purple dinosaur.


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## Natsku

I don't mind when other people's kids come up to me in a restaurant, I just chat back or smile and pull a silly face. Doesn't happen often though.


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## aliss

Its not the Brits. That wouldn't be acceptable in north america either... You wouldn't do that in most countries. Being child-friendly has nothing to do with poor restaurant manners.


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## Tasha

I think it depends where you go and where you live. I say hello to children, I do, I make an effort, wave, pull faces etc. However, where I live (London, but it might just be this part of London) that is rare and people dont do that but they are like that to each other though. One of my favourite past times is smiling and saying hello to everyone I meet on the street, the elderly people love it and it makes their day but I would say it freaks out about 98% of people as they just arent use to it :haha:


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## MrsPear

If not wanting other people's children under my table whilst I eat makes me British, then I guess I'm as British as they come!


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## Miss Vintage

MrsPear said:


> If not wanting other people's children under my table whilst I eat makes me British, then I guess I'm as British as they come!

Ha, me too!


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## RaspberryK

Proud to be British if I'm being known for politeness and good etiquette. 
Not so much by the football hooligans who go abroad though. Lol. 
Xx


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## Foogirl

NoodleSnack said:


> Table manners could be numerous different forks or eating with your hands. It could mean never bring a knife to the table or different one for different course. Slurping down the bowl to show your appreciation or make as little noise as possible. Make the kids stay at a little kid table (or just out of sight) or let them dig in with their hands. I've seen all, so when someone say "table manner", the question is: for which setting? Fair enough that people here go to sit down restaurants to sit and eat, but to say they never (as in elsewhere too) walk and eat is really out there (at least to me).

Right, so it's culturally accepted to walk around with a bowl of food in a restaurant where you live, is it? Or to eat with your hands and slurp your food? You didn't ask about doing what you did in other countries, nor did you ask whether things were different where you are. You pointed out several people gave you funny looks and others have noted this may well be because in the UK (and in other countries too) this is actually very bad mannered. You responded by saying these people were stuck up. It's a ridiculous argument to now bring up cultural differences and suggest no-one should be bothered about manners, because things are different in other parts of the world. The things being talked about here are clearly the type of manners appropriate to the majority of people responding to this post.

In my experience, people generally don't walk around eating meals, most will find a place to sit. We were brought up to be taught is bad manners to wander around eating, even if it is a packet of crisps. To this day I find it really difficult to do. It doesn't bother me seeing other people do it, but to be honest, I don't see it that much.

Teaching children appropriate table manners should begin at home and should begin young, if you want them to be well mannered. To suggest a toddler is incapable of sitting at a table for a meal is ridiculous as many are well able to do it. This thread has hit on my other pet peeve, people unable stop their children doing something, then making it my problem when they come and interrupt what I'm doing. Well done you if you enjoy other people's children gawping at you, don't make it my problem that I don't.


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## RachA

I don't think many people have a problem with a child saying hi or smiling at them. I think the problem is more if the child is standing by the table and interrupting the conversation for long periods of time. I am generally quite child friendly and will smile and say hi to children. However if I am out with my oh or the whole family I want to make time for them and so don't like if if I have someone else's child at my side for half the meal. 
I also think that children respond to your expectations-yes my children are perhaps older than some if yours so maybe it's easier - but I do expect my children to bd able to sit at the table for 60min of more while we eat. If my expectation was they'd only last 15min then after that amount of time if they started playing up my thought would 'well they can only last 15 min anyway'. If however I expect 30min then I will provide distractions and the likely hood would be they'd last 30min and I wouldn't be getting stressed. 
I also think that how you are at home helps when out. We eat all meals sat at the table. We don't have the tv on and everyone is expected to stay sat down until everyone has finished unless we decide otherwise. This has given them good grounding for when we are out.


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## sparkle_1979

I agree Rach. Dinner times at our house mean everyone sitting at the table until everyone's finished. My two year old will now ask to leave the table and thank me for her meal ( which she's not touched usually, but that's another thread .. :dohh: ) It's just the way I was brought up, start them young :)


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## Shadowy Lady

you know guys funny enough we had a discussion with our neighbours about a topic very similar to this yesterday. 

They have a 2.5 year old son and they asked us if we ever went to fancy restaurants (with white linen and all...) with Sofia. We said that if we paid more, we would like to enjoy our food in peace and quiet and expected the same from everyone else at the restaurant. These guys disagree though and say that if they pay more money they should bring their kid and let him enjoy the food too.

I just don't think a 2 year old's taste in food is as sophisticated as an adults and toddlers and fancy restaurants just don't mix.


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## jd83

Shadowy Lady said:


> you know guys funny enough we had a discussion with our neighbours about a topic very similar to this yesterday.
> 
> They have a 2.5 year old son and they asked us if we ever went to fancy restaurants (with white linen and all...) with Sofia. We said that if we paid more, we would like to enjoy our food in peace and quiet and expected the same from everyone else at the restaurant. These guys disagree though and say that if they pay more money they should bring their kid and let him enjoy the food too.
> 
> I just don't think a 2 year old's taste in food is as sophisticated as an adults and toddlers and fancy restaurants just don't mix.

I agree with you. I don't feel like my kids care about "better" quality meals, experience, etc of a more upscale restaurant, so if that's what we are seeking, we do it on a date night. Family friendly restaurants are where we take the kids, as they have a menu more catered to people with children, its not as quiet and subdued an environment so its okay if the kids get a little noisy (not tantruming hopefully), etc. I hate to pay a lot for a meal at a fancy restaurant, and be stressed out that the kids might disturb other guests. Its much more enjoyable if I don't have to worry about that. Family friendly restaurants I feel like I can relax a lot more when they are with us, as its more expected that kids are going to be there, may make some noise, etc, but I do still expect my kids to sit at the table while we are there, same as at home for a meal.


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## bumpbear

Foogirl said:


> Teaching children appropriate table manners should begin at home and should begin young, if you want them to be well mannered. To suggest a toddler is incapable of sitting at a table for a meal is ridiculous as many are well able to do it.

Yes, because all toddlers are the same and have the same temperament . 

They all start walking, talking and are potty trained at the same time too.

If in reality it wasn't difficult to get toddlers seated at the table for long periods of time, this discussion wouldn't be happening. I'm sure no parent wants to leave a hot meal they paid for to take their child for a walk around a restaurant, but if the alternative is a screaming tantrum, I can see why it's necessary.


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## aliss

My son certainly can't sit at the table hence 2 years of him not going. I don't think we have a right to disrupt.


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## sparkle_1979

I have to say IMO if you're constant with making a child sit at the table they will get it... Mine was bloody awful, in fact this time last year my two yr old couldn't sit at a table, she would throw food, get up, scream... With effort and patience we can now take her anywhere... It was bloody hard work and sometimes meal times were soul destroying :)


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## Kay_Baby

I know it is dangerous to let a child wander around a restaurant. When I was waitressing someone's little darling ran across my path and the result was I seriously burnt my hand. 

I taught my child that you sit at a table to have a meal and you do not get down until everyone is finished. It was hard work to teach but the result is that he can sit through a couple of hours at a restaurant easily.


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## sequeena

sparkle_1979 said:


> I have to say IMO if you're constant with making a child sit at the table they will get it... Mine was bloody awful, in fact this time last year my two yr old couldn't sit at a table, she would throw food, get up, scream... With effort and patience we can now take her anywhere... It was bloody hard work and sometimes meal times were soul destroying :)

Unfortunately it's not as simple as being consistent. My son becomes genuinely distressed if he sits at a table for too long. We have never figured out why. It's possible it could be a sensory thing but who knows. I can deal with crying and complaining I can distract him from that it's the head butting of the table I can't deal with :( I try every few months, usually at a family birthday to take him and sit him at the table - in a highchair, on a chair, in a booth etc but none of it works. I end up outside with him calming him down or in the play area if there is one.

It's crap but I suppose meals out aren't something we necessarily need to do right now. I usually just take a packed lunch and let him eat it in his buggy whilst I sit on a bench :haha:


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## lhancock90

Last week we popped into KFC whilst we were shopping, a little boy around 2 came up and tried to take our food off the table, we very nicely told him that his dinner was at the next table and off he toddled. He did it 5 more times. His mother said absolutely nothing. Now i understand the little boy may have been confused, or mischievous or wanted the iccecream my daughter had, that's fine. But his mother was completely in the wrong after the first time he did it, she didn't bother to stop it. Resulting in 10 minutes of Ivy getting upset because she didn't understand why this boy kept coming to take her food. I was completely lovely to the little boy but that doesn't change that inside i was fairly irritated and the interruption for myself and my children and the lack of any parenting from the mother. I guess i'm British.


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## Tasha

sequeena said:


> Unfortunately it's not as simple as being consistent. My son becomes genuinely distressed if he sits at a table for too long. We have never figured out why. It's possible it could be a sensory thing but who knows. I can deal with crying and complaining I can distract him from that it's the head butting of the table I can't deal with :( I try every few months, usually at a family birthday to take him and sit him at the table - in a highchair, on a chair, in a booth etc but none of it works. I end up outside with him calming him down or in the play area if there is one.
> 
> It's crap but I suppose meals out aren't something we necessarily need to do right now. I usually just take a packed lunch and let him eat it in his buggy whilst I sit on a bench :haha:

Maybe I can explain, I have an older child with hypermobility and because his core muscles are so weak, it physically hurts him to sit for even short periods of time let alone extended. The OT said this is normal for children with hypermobility. Even now, at almost ten, ask Morgan to sit for too long and he ends up very distressed, even the school allow him to get up etc x


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## sequeena

Tasha said:


> sequeena said:
> 
> 
> Unfortunately it's not as simple as being consistent. My son becomes genuinely distressed if he sits at a table for too long. We have never figured out why. It's possible it could be a sensory thing but who knows. I can deal with crying and complaining I can distract him from that it's the head butting of the table I can't deal with :( I try every few months, usually at a family birthday to take him and sit him at the table - in a highchair, on a chair, in a booth etc but none of it works. I end up outside with him calming him down or in the play area if there is one.
> 
> It's crap but I suppose meals out aren't something we necessarily need to do right now. I usually just take a packed lunch and let him eat it in his buggy whilst I sit on a bench :haha:
> 
> Maybe I can explain, I have an older child with hypermobility and because his core muscles are so weak, it physically hurts him to sit for even short periods of time let alone extended. The OT said this is normal for children with hypermobility. Even now, at almost ten, ask Morgan to sit for too long and he ends up very distressed, even the school allow him to get up etc xClick to expand...

Do you think? He does shift a lot and favours the W position a lot which we are trying to stop him from doing as it turns the hips/pelvis/leg joint right around. I'm not sure what the correct term is but the physio did say he shouldn't sit in that position. That would explain a lot of things actually, thank you :)


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## Tasha

I will reply in your journal Sequeena so we dont send the thread off in a different direction :flower:


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## louandivy

aliss said:


> My son certainly can't sit at the table hence 2 years of him not going. I don't think we have a right to disrupt.

I agree. In my experience parents are the worst customers out of everyone because people can be so bloody entitled when it comes to your kids. Obviously everyone thinks that their own child is adorable and precious but that doesn't mean other people necessarily want to be bothered by kids while they are trying to have a meal. Especially in regards to letting your kids run around as a major trip hazard, as a waitress it is not part of my job to have to tip toe around children to be sure I don't scold them with hot drinks or food! Arghhhh I've had a lot of bad experiences with parents in the past :haha:


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## sevenofnine

And not to be a big jerk... but even with a child, it still irritates me when a kid is walking around a restaurant and comes to stand and gawk at me while I eat.

(Please note, I am not saying this is what the OP is doing.)

I have been to dinner a couple times where a kid is just walking around and then just stands in front of our table... one of the times after telling the kid to come back like 10 times, the parent came and got him, and the other time I waited ten minutes because I complained to our waitress who had to find the parent... :wacko:

But with that being said, if there was a toddler toddling around with a parent following him at a restaurant, but not specifically bothering me, it probably wouldn't even register on my radar!


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## Loui1001

[/QUOTE]

I agree. In my experience parents are the worst customers out of everyone because people can be so bloody entitled when it comes to your kids. Obviously everyone thinks that their own child is adorable and precious but that doesn't mean other people necessarily want to be bothered by kids while they are trying to have a meal. Especially in regards to letting your kids run around as a major trip hazard, as a waitress it is not part of my job to have to tip toe around children to be sure I don't scold them with hot drinks or food! Arghhhh I've had a lot of bad experiences with parents in the past :haha:[/QUOTE]

Been there so many times as a former waitress........ Personally i really don't like it when children are walking around me while I'm out for a meal and can't understand how some parents are so blasé about their child roaming a restaurant or cafe unsupervised. Off topic but If I'm meeting friends for lunch or a coffee I usually bring my dd in her car seat that attaches to her pram, we've been out recently on 2 separate occasions when a child has actually tried to take off with her pram. The first time I had just finished feeding dd and put her back in her seat to have a nap when a little girl of 4(ish) decided she was going to take her for a walk, came up and casually started bouncing and pushing the pram away, I nearly passed out with shock and had to be very firm and direct her back to her parents, all the while they sat and looked on indulgently. The next time I was holding dd on my lap when her pram disappeared from the table, steered off by a 2 year old. To be fair his parents were very apologetic though. Littlies can and do get up to everything and in places like that there is so much potential for injuries and accidents


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## Noodlebear

bumpbear said:


> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> Teaching children appropriate table manners should begin at home and should begin young, if you want them to be well mannered. To suggest a toddler is incapable of sitting at a table for a meal is ridiculous *as many are well able to do it*.
> 
> Yes, because all toddlers are the same and have the same temperament .
> 
> They all start walking, talking and are potty trained at the same time too.
> 
> If in reality it wasn't difficult to get toddlers seated at the table for long periods of time, this discussion wouldn't be happening. I'm sure no parent wants to leave a hot meal they paid for to take their child for a walk around a restaurant, but if the alternative is a screaming tantrum, I can see why it's necessary.Click to expand...


Just wanted to point out the bit in bold as you seem to have missed it? She wasn't saying all toddlers are the same.

If my 20 month old doesn't want to sit at the table he'll kick off. We've let him walk from person to person at our table but I wouldn't do it all around a restaurant as it's rude and dangerous. IMO that's never necessary.


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## pinkpolkadot

We generally try to go somewhere with a play area or similar so that DD can have a little play while waiting for her food and maybe after and that way she is more likely to sit while we all eat! We also take lots of things to keep her occupied at the table especially if there is no play area.

This works most of the time but she is extremely active so it can be difficult at times to keep her seated for long periods. That being said I wouldn't let her run around and talk to other diners while they are eating as she is a right chatterbox :haha: I may walk her around, maybe in a quiet area or outside if need be.


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## geordiemoo

I've not read the entire thread however I wouldn't let my dd walk around a restaurant from a safety point of view. People are walking round with plates, trays, drinks etc and they shouldn't have to contend with a toddler. It's not safe for either person, even if a parent is nearby, all it takes is a second. When I worked as a waitress I used to despair of children let to roam as I was always frightened of hurting them. It's difficult but I take a variety of things for dd and I say no if she tries to get down unless there is a specific play area.


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## HKateH

Walking around a restaurant eating food is bad manners. Simple as. I can't think of a single scenario in which it would be acceptable. If your toddler can't sit still during mealtime, whatever way you choose to deal with that, you cannot be _so_ hungry that you have to cart your food around the restaurant with you. I'd say that considering basically everyone has deemed this bad manners, whatever their views on the toddler walking round, it is.


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## Foogirl

Noodlebear said:


> Just wanted to point out the bit in bold as you seem to have missed it? She wasn't saying all toddlers are the same.
> 
> If my 20 month old doesn't want to sit at the table he'll kick off. We've let him walk from person to person at our table but I wouldn't do it all around a restaurant as it's rude and dangerous. IMO that's never necessary.

:thumbup: That was the point I was making. People generally assume that it is impossible for children to do it because _their_ child can't, or worse, don't even bother trying because they _think their_ child can't.

And no one is expecting a child to sit for 90 minutes quietly. This is why we spend an hour max in a restaurant. if Abby gets antsy we go walk outside, or somewhere like the vestibule or porch area. When she was younger and kicking off we would take her out to calm her down. If she gets loud we remind her nobody beside us needs to hear her and to use her inside voice. Sometimes instead of sitting, she asks to come sit on our knees for a cuddle. There are alternatives to just taking them out of the high chair and letting them roam.

I will add though, I noticed Tash's comment about SN. This is where my view does an about turn. Where a child has SN, I am far more relaxed about it. For the most part it is very easy to spot (at least to me it is) and knowing that the parents probably face 4000 struggles a day I'm not going to add to that.


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## Seity

Yes, I absolutely let my son walk around. He's not interested in food or coloring or any activity that requires him to stay in one place. If I didn't give him an outlet for his energy it would be a very unpleasant experience for everyone at the restaurant. I don't eat while walking around and I walk around with him because he's not allowed to bother the staff or other patrons during his walk. Sometimes other people engage him in conversation and that's fine as long as they initiate it. My younger son is fine. He likes to eat, but the 4 year old will not eat anything on the menu except for milk. We almost never go into restaurants because of him, but sometimes we are traveling and quite frankly sometimes we don't want 'fast food'. We always opt for a family friendly restaurant though.


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## MrsHedgehog

kit10grl said:


> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child

I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.


----------



## MrsHedgehog

MrsHedgehog said:


> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...

Another thought I had which I wanted to add, if it was a senile old lady who was wandering around the restaurant, speaking to other customers and being a bit of a nuisance would you feel the same way? Certainly it would be a bit annoying but would you think that they shouldn't be there or should be forced to stay at their table?


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## kit10grl

MrsHedgehog said:


> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...

I never said the kids shouldnt be there? :shrug: Or that they should be kept home. As I have said n my post I am never rude to the children and answer if they talk to me. But while we are talking about rights I have as much right to be in a public space and not be interrupted by children as they have to be there. Why should i have to limit where i go in the world so as not to have other peoples children in my personal space? 

As for the an old senile woman yes i would feel the same way but again at no point did i say they shouldnt be there. There is a huge difference between being in a restaurant with children at there own tables with there parents and being in a restaurant with a strange child at my table talking to me while im trying to eat, or feed my own kids. The most extreme case of this i had was a small child in a restaurant who was lost and because i smiled and asked if she needed help she then jumped up and climbed in my lap. While i was having a romantic meal with my husband, kinda killed the mood. But of course i shouldnt go out where i want in case some parent isnt watching their kid and it ends up climbing into my lap.


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## SerenityNow

I think it completely depends on the restaurant. There is a small family run restaurant we go to where the server will walk around with our youngest when it is slow. 

We've also had opportunities to take our kids to some very high end restaurants, even when they were toddlers. I think the same standards apply for nice restaurants as for church, but they can talk, of course! I'll walk a young toddler around the back pews a during a church service so I can't see how it is disruptive to walk them around in an unobtrusive way at a restaurant. Anyone with eyes and a brain can keep them from approaching other diners and out of the way of the waitstaff. 

Mores differ, though. I think it is totally inappropriate for anyone to be using a tablet or phone at the table. Sharing a meal is a social activity.


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## YoshiPikachu

No never.


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## angel2010

Absolutely not. If my child is unable to handle sitting at the table we will go to the car for a bit. If I don't think he will be better when we go back in, we don't go back in at all. My husband will finish eating and will pay and come out. Occasionally I have let him walk around the table to sit on someones lap or to change seats, but even that is rarely. If I don't feel he can handle going out, I feel that the best decision for us is to not go out at all. It is not my right to ruin other diner's experience. When I go out without children, I certainly don't want other people's children at my table being bothersome. They are only small for a little while and if we need to miss out on eating out so often, then so be it.


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## angel2010

RaspberryK said:


> No and it pisses me off, especially then when ds wants to get down because there are other children messing around.

I agree with this as well.


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## NoodleSnack

Foogirl said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> Table manners could be numerous different forks or eating with your hands. It could mean never bring a knife to the table or different one for different course. Slurping down the bowl to show your appreciation or make as little noise as possible. Make the kids stay at a little kid table (or just out of sight) or let them dig in with their hands. I've seen all, so when someone say "table manner", the question is: for which setting? Fair enough that people here go to sit down restaurants to sit and eat, but to say they never (as in elsewhere too) walk and eat is really out there (at least to me).
> 
> Right, so it's culturally accepted to walk around with a bowl of food in a restaurant where you live, is it?Click to expand...

Well, no one stopped me here, but in my country, I've seen it done and never thought twice.



> Or to eat with your hands and slurp your food?

Yes, we eat with our hands and slurp from bowl. 



> You didn't ask about doing what you did in other countries, nor did you ask whether things were different where you are. You pointed out several people gave you funny looks and others have noted this may well be because in the UK (and in other countries too) this is actually very bad mannered. You responded by saying these people were stuck up.

Again, I'm referring to people who say they never eat and walk anywhere.




> It's a ridiculous argument to now bring up cultural differences and suggest no-one should be bothered about manners, because things are different in other parts of the world. The things being talked about here are clearly the type of manners appropriate to the majority of people responding to this post.

I'm pointing out to you manners mean different things in different settings. I said fair enough that people think it's bad manner to eat and walk in a restaurant but surely it's normal to walk and eat elsewhere, say a fair or a bbq party, on the street from a street cart? I maintain that if you have to stop yourself from eating while you're walking your whole life that's out there to me. 

Please read what I actually wrote instead of asuming things into it that I didn't write. 




> In my experience, people generally don't walk around eating meals, most will find a place to sit. We were brought up to be taught is bad manners to wander around eating, even if it is a packet of crisps. To this day I find it really difficult to do. It doesn't bother me seeing other people do it, but to be honest, I don't see it that much.
> 
> Teaching children appropriate table manners should begin at home and should begin young, if you want them to be well mannered. To suggest a toddler is incapable of sitting at a table for a meal is ridiculous as many are well able to do it.

I did not suggest such. I think the other poster said it shouldn't be expected, not that they're incapable, very different thing. 



> This thread has hit on my other pet peeve, people unable stop their children doing something, then making it my problem when they come and interrupt what I'm doing. Well done you if you enjoy other people's children gawping at you, don't make it my problem that I don't.

But I didn't make it anyone's problem. I stated twice that I ensured he bothers no one. 

I think you're getting ahead of me. I'm talking about a little kid walking around, we did not bother anyone, people merely turned to look or smile at us. This is in fact what I see most of the time at restaurants with other children.


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## NoodleSnack

RachA said:


> I don't think many people have a problem with a child saying hi or smiling at them. I think the problem is more if the child is standing by the table and interrupting the conversation for long periods of time. I am generally quite child friendly and will smile and say hi to children. However if I am out with my oh or the whole family I want to make time for them and so don't like if if I have someone else's child at my side for half the meal.
> I also think that children respond to your expectations-yes my children are perhaps older than some if yours so maybe it's easier - but I do expect my children to bd able to sit at the table for 60min of more while we eat. If my expectation was they'd only last 15min then after that amount of time if they started playing up my thought would 'well they can only last 15 min anyway'. If however I expect 30min then I will provide distractions and the likely hood would be they'd last 30min and I wouldn't be getting stressed.
> I also think that how you are at home helps when out. We eat all meals sat at the table. We don't have the tv on and everyone is expected to stay sat down until everyone has finished unless we decide otherwise. This has given them good grounding for when we are out.


I don't think that's true of all cases, but I'll say my household is very relaxed about meal time. We eat when we're hungry, whoever want to eat first can eat first etc. Out and about I don't care about enforcing too many rules, to me my responsibility is to ensure he doesn't physically or audibly disturb other people, we clean up after ourselves and that's it.


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## NoodleSnack

I don't get why people think parents who let their kids walk around do so because they think their kid is cute? It's the furthest thing on my mind. Even before having children, I never thought parents want anyone to entertain their children. If I don't want to engage, I'll just pretend not to see the kid.


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## NoodleSnack

kit10grl said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...
> 
> I never said the kids shouldnt be there? :shrug: Or that they should be kept home. As I have said n my post I am never rude to the children and answer if they talk to me. But while we are talking about rights I have as much right to be in a public space and not be interrupted by children as they have to be there. Why should i have to limit where i go in the world so as not to have other peoples children in my personal space?
> 
> As for the an old senile woman yes i would feel the same way but again at no point did i say they shouldnt be there. There is a huge difference between being in a restaurant with children at there own tables with there parents and being in a restaurant with a strange child at my table talking to me while im trying to eat, or feed my own kids. The most extreme case of this i had was a small child in a restaurant who was lost and because i smiled and asked if she needed help she then jumped up and climbed in my lap. While i was having a romantic meal with my husband, kinda killed the mood. But of course i shouldnt go out where i want in case some parent isnt watching their kid and it ends up climbing into my lap.Click to expand...


But you engaged with the girl first, it's a bit too friendly for her to get into the lap of a stranger, that would scare me as a parent more than the walking about. I would just take her to the counter and ask them to get her parents lest they be worried. 

I ask this genuinely: why would this kill the mood? I can so imagine the scene in a romatic comedy.


----------



## NoodleSnack

MrsHedgehog said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...
> 
> Another thought I had which I wanted to add, if it was a senile old lady who was wandering around the restaurant, speaking to other customers and being a bit of a nuisance would you feel the same way? Certainly it would be a bit annoying but would you think that they shouldn't be there or should be forced to stay at their table?Click to expand...

At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?


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## sparkle_1979

Oh for goodness sake I'm leaving this thread if you're comparing it to bf in public :dohh:


----------



## Natasha2605

NoodleSnack said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...
> 
> Another thought I had which I wanted to add, if it was a senile old lady who was wandering around the restaurant, speaking to other customers and being a bit of a nuisance would you feel the same way? Certainly it would be a bit annoying but would you think that they shouldn't be there or should be forced to stay at their table?Click to expand...
> 
> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?Click to expand...

Oh come on. That is the most irrelevant comparison I've come across in a long time.

How is it even remotely similar?


----------



## Button#

NoodleSnack said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...
> 
> Another thought I had which I wanted to add, if it was a senile old lady who was wandering around the restaurant, speaking to other customers and being a bit of a nuisance would you feel the same way? Certainly it would be a bit annoying but would you think that they shouldn't be there or should be forced to stay at their table?Click to expand...
> 
> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?Click to expand...

Personally I think it's different because you can't take out the safety aspect unless the child is walking somewhere away from where people are seated. I feel worried and anxious about children in dangerous situations and no matter who likes children walking around and who doesn't, a waiter carrying trays in front of them with hot food and little teeny tiny people who run in front of people without thinking is dangerous.

Presumably the baby who is being breastfed is not running around a busy area while mummy runs after them. 

I and I'm sure many others who have contributed are advocates for BFing in public so it's not really relevant.


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## petite ping

I don't understand what you want us to say. 

That it's OK to let your toddler to wander around a restaurant? That other diners should suck it up or they don't mind because they don't say anything? That it's impossible to teach a toddler to sit at table during a meal? That its the waiting staffs responsibility to dodge little people and avoid injury?

Well OK, if that's what you want to hear. But I don't agree. If my LO can't deal with eating in a restaurant, then we don't eat in a restaurant with her.


----------



## modified

NoodleSnack said:


> people merely turned to look or smile at us.




NoodleSnack said:


> I got some funny look and some smile. I wonder what the funny looks meant.

Sorry?


----------



## MrsPear

NoodleSnack said:


> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?

Well if the toddler wasn't bothering anyone and it wasn't unsafe then no I'm sure people wouldn't feel their dinner was ruined. But it does bother people and it is unsafe so why even consider the scenario? 

As for BF, really? 

And for whoever was talking about senile people coming to their table- well to be honest it's not really something I have as a regular occurrence when I'm out for a meal so it's not an issue I particularly worry about. :shrug: Yeah sure, if I was regularly accosted by senile old people who were unsupervised in a restaurant and didn't have appropriate support, I'd probably find that got on my nerves too.


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## Elphaba12

No I wouldn't, if DD became restless or unsettled one of us would take her outside or to the bathroom if needed and that usually enables her to resettle once she returns to the table. 

OP, I'm not sure why you keep pressing the issue though. You asked what the funny looks could mean and the replies on here have provided some likely answers. You don't agree with a lot of the responses, which is fine, so why not just let it drop and accept that everybody does things differently:shrug:

I just think life is too short to get yourself in a twist over insignificant things like this.


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## lhancock90

I don't get at all the BF thing? I don't see how its relevant.


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## Miss Vintage

I don't see the relevance of the breastfeeding comment either, unless the bf mother is walking in front of wait staff without looking, engaging in conversation with strangers without being invited, or sitting in their laps? These seem to be the things that worry/bother most of us about the toddler walking around the restaurant, so how can you compare the two?


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## HPmum2B

First off, I resent the insinuation that Brits are unfriendly. I have been to the states many times and yes it does seem to me that Americans can be a lot more forward, however, when the checkout guy in Walmart asked me how my day was, I answered him with "very good thank you, how about yours?"... he looked at me blankly... suggests to me that his "how is your day going?" was empty words that I was not supposed to answer!

As for children walking around resturants, okay so sometimes you have to do what you need to do to get through the meal. But if I could not keep my DD in her seat while we ate, I would keep her very close to my table or we would take it in turns to take her outside.

As for walking around with food... no way. I don't walk around with food at home and I wouldn't walk around with food in a restaurant. It is not what I consider good manners. I would find it very rude if I saw that in a restaurant too.

Yes there maybe occasions where you 'eat and run', but generally that would be walking along the street with a choccy bar or packet of crisps. Not a main meal. I also don't remember ever buying food off a street cart vendor thingy (well maybe a burger on my way home from a night out when I was 18, but even then I would have found somewhere to sit down to eat it).

And breastfeeding seriously? maybe its a comparison if you are going to sit at someone else table to do it? If not, that really does not belong in this discussion.


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## Natsku

Thought about this thread last night, was at a diner and a couple toddlers were wandering about. Seemed fine though there, there was toys out for them and a little trampoline and no one minded.


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## hel_5

I'm sorry but no, as a manager in hospitality it is just dangerous having kids wondering around the place, someone will get hurt - the kid, other guests or staff, plenty of times I have had to ask kids to move away from the swinging doors as you can't see them and they could easily get hurt (happened in one place I worked, but it was a man trying to talk on his mobile - the door smacked into him!) I have also had staff refuse to carry large trays of food as there are kids wondering around and they are scared they are going to trip over them. I wouldn't be a fan of people wondering around with food either (in any of the places I have worked) again more chances of spillages or you tripping over!
We tend to take our youngest for a walk around outside, then when the food is on the table we come back, then if he's still restless we take it in turns to go outside with him.

Does not compare to bfing at all, I've dealt with complaints of kids running round the restaurant from both guests and staff, but never any about bfing...


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## steele

You ask why you're getting funny looks then get annoyed when people tell you why? Then continue to press the issue and compare it with ridiculous scenarios. If you're not bothered about being seen as rude then by all means, carry on with what you're doing :shrug:


----------



## kit10grl

NoodleSnack said:


> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kit10grl said:
> 
> 
> I openly put my hands up to being annoyed by being interrupted by other peoples kids. Before I had kids I just didn't want to be involved with them. I didn't know how to talk to them or enjoyhow loud they are etc so I would have not enjoyed being oh for a meal with a partner and being innteripted by kids at the table, followed by an adult behind them at our table. Or kids at the next table staring at us etc. Not everyone likes kids that is there right. I would never be rude to the child and would answer if they spoke to me but it would make me uncomfortable and ruin my dining experience just because some parent thinks the world should revolve round there child.
> 
> Now I have kids of my own its a very rare occasion we get to eat out alone so I would be super annoyed that my child free time was being interrupted by someone else's child. I don't see how that is hard to understand. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to spend time with grown ups with out having to entertainsomeone else's child
> 
> I can perfectly understand that you don't enjoy having kids around while you eat but the thing is that if you are in a public place then you have to expect that you will be sharing that public place with other members of the society and that includes children. *The children have as much right to be there as you do.* As long as they are not causing any harm then you just have to put up with them. Even if they are misbehaving, they are only just learning how to behave and are going to make mistakes and get into trouble sometimes. I don't think it's right that they should be kept at home until they know how to behave better. How will they learn if they are never allowed to experience different environments. I don't think the world revolves around my child but I do expect that others treat her with the respect that any human being deserves. Maybe if you prefer not to have children around then you should only go to places which don't allow children.Click to expand...
> 
> I never said the kids shouldnt be there? :shrug: Or that they should be kept home. As I have said n my post I am never rude to the children and answer if they talk to me. But while we are talking about rights I have as much right to be in a public space and not be interrupted by children as they have to be there. Why should i have to limit where i go in the world so as not to have other peoples children in my personal space?
> 
> As for the an old senile woman yes i would feel the same way but again at no point did i say they shouldnt be there. There is a huge difference between being in a restaurant with children at there own tables with there parents and being in a restaurant with a strange child at my table talking to me while im trying to eat, or feed my own kids. The most extreme case of this i had was a small child in a restaurant who was lost and because i smiled and asked if she needed help she then jumped up and climbed in my lap. While i was having a romantic meal with my husband, kinda killed the mood. But of course i shouldnt go out where i want in case some parent isnt watching their kid and it ends up climbing into my lap.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> But you engaged with the girl first, it's a bit too friendly for her to get into the lap of a stranger, that would scare me as a parent more than the walking about. I would just take her to the counter and ask them to get her parents lest they be worried.
> 
> I ask this genuinely: why would this kill the mood? I can so imagine the scene in a romatic comedy.Click to expand...

I engaged with child who came and stood at the end of my table and was crying her eyes out. But I'm still in the wrong?would it have been better if I had just ignored her obvious distress? And as for getting up and taking to the counter how would you have felt if you walked round the corner saw a strange woman with her hands on your child holding her on her lap and ur child crying? If it was me I'd jump to the worst conclusion to be honest. I didn't touch her to make it clear to anyone watching I had not instigated the position, her mum came past at that point and apologised but yes the sudden worry of being accused of being a pedo ( and it does happen easily there is another thread going on about it just now) didn't make me feel like being romantic with my husband. My marriage is barely getting any focus right now so I wouldn't appreciate feeling like I was INA comedy to behonest .

And as others have said the breastfeeding comparison is ridiculous. That wouldntbother me as the bf mother would be one assumes at her own table in her own space and not at my table in mine. Again I never said the sight of children in a restaurant bothered me I said kids at my table followed by a parent at my table would bother me. 

I have breast fed in restaurants I still wouldn't let my kids approach another diners table in a restaurant


----------



## KittyVentura

I was thinking about this thread over the weekend. We ate out twice, both at family friendly places (hungry horse and a wether spoons). Both of my meals were completely un relaxing and not because of my own kids. 

When we go for food with the kids we plan to keep them entertained... We know it can be boring sat around so we take colouring books and pencils and story books and other toys, typically they each load their small backpack with a few things and then can sit and play a while. Both "pubs" had outdoor play areas. So we each had turns escorting the kids out and supervising play etc.

We had a heart attack nearly when one kid ran full pelt into the corner of our table and started screaming but no parent came running or was easily identified. We had kids coming up and trying to take the kids toys. We had kids screaming while running up and down past us making so much noise that even FIN said "Mummy, it's too loud". As it was a special occasion at the HH, we got one of those giant puddings to share as a family and genuinely had kids asking if they could have some.

I've never had it that bad before and I am really pretty laid back (my two did baby led weaning and make a lot of mess and like to play and laugh and have fun at the table)... But it was pretty shocking.


----------



## jd83

OP, it really is seeming like you are just adamant to extend this argument, which I am not understanding. Why can you just not accept that 99% of the people on this board have said they find it bad manners, as well as dangerous in a restaurant setting, to be walking around with a small child, and eating while you do so? Bringing up other situations where you might eat on the go really has no relevance to what is typically acceptable to do in a restaurant. Comparing eating on the go from a street cart, at a fair or BBQ is a completely different social atmosphere to eating in at a restaurant. Even then, eating and walking is ALWAYS a choking hazard. Which is why I try not to do that. If there is somewhere I can stand and eat, or sit and eat, I look for that before resorting to walking and eating. And I would never let my kids do that, as they are still very little and I'd worry way to much about them choking.

And the breastfeeding comparison? What? That seriously has NO relevance to this topic whatsoever, and again seems like you are trying to instigate more argument by even bringing it up. It is in no way the same as having a toddler roaming around, making it a hazard to wait staff with hot food/plates/trays, trip hazard, and choking hazard for yourself eating while following your child. A breastfeeding mom is typically going to be sitting at her table, not creating hazards or interrupting people's dining experiences. Sure, there may be people who are uncomfortable with seeing that (unfortunately there are narrow minded people who think a baby shouldn't need to eat except at home apparently), but that's not you and your child actually going up to them disturbing them. Completely different, and completely irrelevant to this conversation.


----------



## AnneD

NoodleSnack said:


> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?

The only way bfing in public would be remotely comparable is if you walked around bfing, then pulled the child off at every table and stuck your tit into random people's faces while they dined peacefully. Or if you begged for their food. Let's face it, a woman bfing in public is highly unlikely to do either. I have had random toddlers begging for our food, trying to crawl under our chairs and tables or climb onto our chairs, pulling at our daughter's clothes. It's annoying beyond belief and yes I think it's appalling manners. But I've never had a woman bfing in public stick her tit in my face or beg for my food. If you want to compare, find a comparison that works.


----------



## sparkle_1979

AnneD said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?
> 
> The only way bfing in public would be remotely comparable is if you walked around bfing, then pulled the child off at every table and stuck your tit into random people's faces while they dined peacefully. Or if you begged for their food. Let's face it, a woman bfing in public is highly unlikely to do either. I have had random toddlers begging for our food, trying to crawl under our chairs and tables or climb onto our chairs, pulling at our daughter's clothes. It's annoying beyond belief and yes I think it's appalling manners. But I've never had a woman bfing in public stick her tit in my face or beg for my food. If you want to compare, find a comparison that works.Click to expand...

:haha::hugs:


----------



## Natsku

AnneD said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?
> 
> The only way bfing in public would be remotely comparable is *if you walked around bfing, then pulled the child off at every table and stuck your tit into random people's faces while they dined peacefully. *Or if you begged for their food. Let's face it, a woman bfing in public is highly unlikely to do either. I have had random toddlers begging for our food, trying to crawl under our chairs and tables or climb onto our chairs, pulling at our daughter's clothes. It's annoying beyond belief and yes I think it's appalling manners. But I've never had a woman bfing in public stick her tit in my face or beg for my food. If you want to compare, find a comparison that works.Click to expand...

That's not how you're supposed to do it? Oh shit... :haha:


----------



## aliss

To be fair Anne D, some freaky customers might pay extra for that experience. 

Probably already exists in Japan somewhere.


----------



## staralfur

NoodleSnack said:


> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?

Considering you keep telling people to read what you wrote, stop getting ahead of you, etc., you should probably take your own advice. 

Not one person has said "oh the mere sight of a child at a restaurant ruins my meal." If they did, I'm sure they'd have pages upon pages of people disagreeing with _them_. 

If there were a breastfeeding woman crouching down while making her way around the restaurant, able to trip a waitress or take someone out at the knees, then I would agree that's inappropriate... but not because she was breastfeeding. 

If you want to do a comparison, then you would have to assume the breastfeeding mother and the child are actually doing the same thing. Breastfeeding mother wandering around and potentially getting in people's way like a small child, and stopping by tables, interrupting people's meals? Not appropriate. Again, totally unrelated to the act of breastfeeding, it's the "potentially getting in the way" and interrupting meals that poses an issue. A kid sitting quietly in their booth like a breastfeeding mother? Not an issue. 

If someone's dinner is ruined by seeing a child not bothering anyone, then they're an asshole. But no one has said they're bothered by a child not disturbing anyone. :shrug:


----------



## teal

I've not read all the replies but no, I'd not allow my son to wander around a restaurant whether I was following after him or not. If I'm out for my dinner then I'd not want to be bothered by someone else's child coming up to my table. I'd also want my son to learn to sit patiently when waiting for food to arrive. 

I don't think it would be safe for a child to wander about anyway. People are serving food so what if something spilled or fell on the child.


----------



## bumpbear

KittyVentura said:


> I was thinking about this thread over the weekend. We ate out twice, both at family friendly places (hungry horse and a wether spoons). Both of my meals were completely un relaxing and not because of my own kids.
> 
> When we go for food with the kids we plan to keep them entertained... We know it can be boring sat around so we take colouring books and pencils and story books and other toys, typically they each load their small backpack with a few things and then can sit and play a while. Both "pubs" had outdoor play areas. So we each had turns escorting the kids out and supervising play etc.
> 
> We had a heart attack nearly when one kid ran full pelt into the corner of our table and started screaming but no parent came running or was easily identified. We had kids coming up and trying to take the kids toys. We had kids screaming while running up and down past us making so much noise that even FIN said "Mummy, it's too loud". As it was a special occasion at the HH, we got one of those giant puddings to share as a family and genuinely had kids asking if they could have some.
> 
> I've never had it that bad before and I am really pretty laid back (my two did baby led weaning and make a lot of mess and like to play and laugh and have fun at the table)... But it was pretty shocking.

Yikes! That sounds awful. Perhaps we've been fortunate to have only dined in restaurants with patrons who keep an eye on their kids, and maybe that's why I'm not understanding the 'my dinner was ruined by a pesky kid' posts. The most we've ever been bothered is by a child who wants to come and have a chat or wave at us continuously from across the room, and that doesn't bother me at all.


----------



## jd83

bumpbear said:


> KittyVentura said:
> 
> 
> I was thinking about this thread over the weekend. We ate out twice, both at family friendly places (hungry horse and a wether spoons). Both of my meals were completely un relaxing and not because of my own kids.
> 
> When we go for food with the kids we plan to keep them entertained... We know it can be boring sat around so we take colouring books and pencils and story books and other toys, typically they each load their small backpack with a few things and then can sit and play a while. Both "pubs" had outdoor play areas. So we each had turns escorting the kids out and supervising play etc.
> 
> We had a heart attack nearly when one kid ran full pelt into the corner of our table and started screaming but no parent came running or was easily identified. We had kids coming up and trying to take the kids toys. We had kids screaming while running up and down past us making so much noise that even FIN said "Mummy, it's too loud". As it was a special occasion at the HH, we got one of those giant puddings to share as a family and genuinely had kids asking if they could have some.
> 
> I've never had it that bad before and I am really pretty laid back (my two did baby led weaning and make a lot of mess and like to play and laugh and have fun at the table)... But it was pretty shocking.
> 
> Yikes! That sounds awful. Perhaps we've been fortunate to have only dined in restaurants with patrons who keep an eye on their kids, and maybe that's why I'm not understanding the 'my dinner was ruined by a pesky kid' posts. The most we've ever been bothered is by a child who wants to come and have a chat or wave at us continuously from across the room, and that doesn't bother me at all.Click to expand...

Most of the time that's all we deal with too, and its not that big a deal. A bit annoying when I'm trying to have family time, but no big deal. I have no problem really with kids waving at us, or talking to us a little from over their booth into our booth. But I've had similar experiences to what she's had with some kids being practically wild, running around screaming, talking to you nonstop, trying to eat your food, etc, and THAT does ruin your dining experience. As well as create trip hazards, and dropping hot food hazards to the wait staff.


----------



## JASMAK

AnneD said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?
> 
> The only way bfing in public would be remotely comparable is if you walked around bfing, then pulled the child off at every table and stuck your tit into random people's faces while they dined peacefully. Or if you begged for their food. Let's face it, a woman bfing in public is highly unlikely to do either. I have had random toddlers begging for our food, trying to crawl under our chairs and tables or climb onto our chairs, pulling at our daughter's clothes. It's annoying beyond belief and yes I think it's appalling manners. But I've never had a woman bfing in public stick her tit in my face or beg for my food. If you want to compare, find a comparison that works.Click to expand...

Bwhahahahahaha


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## xSin

This whole thread is laughable, really. 

NoodleShack, did you even read the title you yourself gave this thread? It states really clearly "Do you let your toddler walk around the *RESTAURANT*. You are taking the replies to that, and trying to assume that it somehow is applicable to ALL other aspects of life and that people "never walk around and eat" -- And yet that isn't what was asked originally.

You asked why do you get funny looks? Because your behavior is incredibly ignorant and rude. That's why.

You then say "What you people never walk around and eat ever?" -- That wasn't the initial question. We aren't talking about popping to the corner store to grab a bag of chips. See above. You asked "Do you let your toddler walk around the RESTAURANT." 

Absolutely, you're right -- Different settings call for different etiquette. YOU however, asked about ONE setting. I'll repeat since you seem confused. You asked about A RESTAURANT. The question was not about BF'ing in public it was not about taking your toddler to the bathroom in a restaurant, it was not about walking around at home, or a mall, you even suggested that you carry your food with you while you follow your toddler. 

The carrying and eating of your own food, particularly blows my mind. For one, how can you be fully focused on your kid while you're trying to balance a plate/bowl of food, as well as eat it, as well as ensure that you all stay out of everyone's way? What are you supposed to do if your toddler DOES go up to someone else's table? Do you put your plate down on their table? How do you apologize for the disruption if your mouth is full of food? Why even GO to a restaurant, if you aren't going there to relax? If you are there with someone, what do they do? Eat on their own? The part that really blows my mind IS the eating and walking, and specifically in (as you asked about) the restaurant setting. If my daughter slid off her chair and dashed off, I'd leave my plate of food there with my OH, go after her, and come back and resume eating when I got back. 

You asked "What do the funny looks mean?" 
You have 19 pages of replies, telling you what they mean.


----------



## staralfur

xSin said:


> This whole thread is laughable, really.
> 
> NoodleShack, did you even read the title you yourself gave this thread? It states really clearly "Do you let your toddler walk around the *RESTAURANT*. You are taking the replies to that, and trying to assume that it somehow is applicable to ALL other aspects of life and that people "never walk around and eat" -- And yet that isn't what was asked originally.
> 
> You asked why do you get funny looks? Because your behavior is incredibly ignorant and rude. That's why.
> 
> You then say "What you people never walk around and eat ever?" -- That wasn't the initial question. We aren't talking about popping to the corner store to grab a bag of chips. See above. You asked "Do you let your toddler walk around the RESTAURANT."
> 
> Absolutely, you're right -- Different settings call for different etiquette. YOU however, asked about ONE setting. I'll repeat since you seem confused. You asked about A RESTAURANT. The question was not about BF'ing in public it was not about taking your toddler to the bathroom in a restaurant, it was not about walking around at home, or a mall, you even suggested that you carry your food with you while you follow your toddler.
> 
> The carrying and eating of your own food, particularly blows my mind. For one, how can you be fully focused on your kid while you're trying to balance a plate/bowl of food, as well as eat it, as well as ensure that you all stay out of everyone's way? What are you supposed to do if your toddler DOES go up to someone else's table? Do you put your plate down on their table? How do you apologize for the disruption if your mouth is full of food? Why even GO to a restaurant, if you aren't going there to relax? If you are there with someone, what do they do? Eat on their own? The part that really blows my mind IS the eating and walking, and specifically in (as you asked about) the restaurant setting. If my daughter slid off her chair and dashed off, I'd leave my plate of food there with my OH, go after her, and come back and resume eating when I got back.
> 
> You asked "What do the funny looks mean?"
> You have 19 pages of replies, telling you what they mean.

I want to thank this twice.


----------



## cookette

You asked, and have a zillion replies. I cant fathom what else you need to hear...?


----------



## Foogirl

NoodleSnack said:


> Well, no one stopped me here, but in my country, I've seen it done and never thought twice.
> 
> Yes, we eat with our hands and slurp from bowl.

Assuming you are in the UK, US, Canada, Australia (where all the comments on this thread have come from) these are not acceptable table manners. And your question was about the funny looks and there are several pages of people here telling you why. You can choose to stand your ground and say we are all wrong if you wish but now you know what those looks are about. Nobody here is saying you shouldn't do it, only letting you know what people will think about it. Since you asked and all.....



> Again, I'm referring to people who say they never eat and walk anywhere.

Which I stated I never do. Why is it so hard to believe?



> I'm pointing out to you manners mean different things in different settings. I said fair enough that people think it's bad manner to eat and walk in a restaurant but surely it's normal to walk and eat elsewhere, say a fair or a bbq party, on the street from a street cart? I maintain that if you have to stop yourself from eating while you're walking your whole life that's out there to me.

It is "out there" to you to believe there are people who do things differently to you?



> But I didn't make it anyone's problem. I stated twice that I ensured he bothers no one.
> 
> I think you're getting ahead of me. I'm talking about a little kid walking around, we did not bother anyone, people merely turned to look or smile at us. This is in fact what I see most of the time at restaurants with other children.

And you also went on to berate people for not wanting children to bother them - which is actually what I was responding to.

Seriously, it seems bizzare to post a question asking why people were looking at you funny, to argue with anyone who answers the question, then to change your mind about what actually happened in the first place.


----------



## Noodlebear

(I'm not the OP) I thought about this earlier on my lunch break. I bought a bacon sandwich to go and the people I was with wanted to wander around town a bit so I ended up picking at it before it went cold. I actually apologised for 'being a savage' lol.


Edited...P.S. - I'm not the OP :haha:


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## mummy2be...

There's a massive difference between grabbing a sandwich to go and carrying food around a restaurant and you know it, your just being facetious. 

Children walking around restaurant whilst others are trying to relax is irritating. Irritating for other diners, irritating for the staff....The only person it's not irritating for is the parent of the child, who seems to think it's adorable....and they don't seem to understand why everyone else doesn't think it the most wonderful thing in the world! It's actually bad manners and i think if your child won't sit still long enough for a meal in a nice place don't ruin it for everyone else and don't take the child. 

However in Child friends places (crayons on the table, kids menu, play sea etc) I fully expect it. Although even in those places I still don't allow my daughter to wander the tables etc or get down from the table whilst there is food.


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## Foogirl

I know our daughter is utterly adorable, she charms everyone she meets. Her videos on Facebook are loved by many, heck she even gets requests for them. She's witty and funny and always puts a smile on people's faces. But when we are in a restaurant I always tell her to pipe down if she gets loud. Just the other day we were out for dinner and she had had an exciting day and was telling us all about it. I had to remind her to keep her voice down several times. As they were leaving, the elderly couple who had been sitting behind us stopped to speak to her, telling her they had heard her speaking all through dinner. They were lovely and really complimentary to her but I still felt like shit, that we had spoiled their peace.


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## MrsHedgehog

I think the BF comment was merely suggesting that not everyone likes to see BF in public but it is allowed and other people just have to like it or lump it. The same goes for children (as long as not misbehaving) walking around a restaurant. You may not like it but really you just have to put up with it. I often walk my toddler about in a restaurant, I'm always with her so it's not dangerous, she doesn't cause any harm, will maybe speak to other kids at another table, might end up playing with them. I'll allow her to move a little away from the table by herself if there is a safe place for her to play with her toys without bothering other people. We usually choose a table that gives us space to do so. I much prefer this to distracting her with a Smart phone or tablet. I can understand if some people might not like it but there are lots of things other people do that bother me and I just have to put up with them. Somebody complained about parents thinking the world revolves around their kids but I think there are a few people on here that think the world revolves around them!


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## MrsHedgehog

Foogirl said:


> I know our daughter is utterly adorable, she charms everyone she meets. Her videos on Facebook are loved by many, heck she even gets requests for them. She's witty and funny and always puts a smile on people's faces. But when we are in a restaurant I always tell her to pipe down if she gets loud. Just the other day we were out for dinner and she had had an exciting day and was telling us all about it. I had to remind her to keep her voice down several times. As they were leaving, the elderly couple who had been sitting behind us stopped to speak to her, telling her they had heard her speaking all through dinner. They were lovely and really complimentary to her but I still felt like shit, that we had spoiled their peace.

I wouldn't worry about it - if they'd wanted peace and quiet they would have gone to a library or for a walk in the country. I'm sure they loved listening to her chattering. I don't think you should feel bad about it.


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## Noodlebear

MrsHedgehog said:


> I think the BF comment was merely suggesting that not everyone likes to see BF in public but it is allowed and other people just have to like it or lump it. The same goes for children (as long as not misbehaving) walking around a restaurant. You may not like it but really you just have to put up with it. I often walk my toddler about in a restaurant, I'm always with her so it's not dangerous, she doesn't cause any harm, will maybe speak to other kids at another table, might end up playing with them. *I'll allow her to move a little away from the table by herself if there is a safe place for her to play with her toys without bothering other people. *We usually choose a table that gives us space to do so. I much prefer this to distracting her with a Smart phone or tablet. I can understand if some people might not like it but there are lots of things other people do that bother me and I just have to put up with them. Somebody complained about parents thinking the world revolves around their kids but I think there are a few people on here that think the world revolves around them!

That's not what people are talking about. Most here mean parents who let their children potter off on an adventure. The world doesn't revolve around anyone, I think it's ridiculous to suggest that anyone who wants to be left to enjoy their food feels that way, every single person deserves to have their meal without random children appearing at their table and as a parent it's my responsibility to make sure it's not my child doing it. That's just good manners. If people at nearby tables want to talk to him that's fine, their choice.


----------



## kit10grl

MrsHedgehog said:


> I think the BF comment was merely suggesting that not everyone likes to see BF in public but it is allowed and other people just have to like it or lump it. The same goes for children (as long as not misbehaving) walking around a restaurant. You may not like it but really you just have to put up with it. I often walk my toddler about in a restaurant, I'm always with her so it's not dangerous, she doesn't cause any harm, will maybe speak to other kids at another table, might end up playing with them. I'll allow her to move a little away from the table by herself if there is a safe place for her to play with her toys without bothering other people. We usually choose a table that gives us space to do so. I much prefer this to distracting her with a Smart phone or tablet. I can understand if some people might not like it but there are lots of things other people do that bother me and I just have to put up with them. Somebody complained about parents thinking the world revolves around their kids but I think there are a few people on here that think the world revolves around them!

PP have also said that they don't want other kids coming over and distracting their own children during a meal. I wouldn't want people talking to my toddler while he is eating as its very distracting for him and he would them want to play rather than eat so in that situation your child would be causing harm. Its the perspective of you thinking your child chatting to another isn't harming anyone but from another's point of view it is harmful if it means my child then throws a tantrum over not being allowed to play and then won't eat his meal.

And breast feeding in a restaurant is legally protected so its not the same as having to put up with children potentially causing danger to themselves and others. For the recorded. I don't think the world revolves around me but I still don't want to be put in a position of dealing with other peoples children unless its my choice. In the last six months I have had four whole hours alone with my husband to go anywhere. We went to pizza hut as that's the food we enjoy. We had a lovely meal there was a family with children at the next table but because they didn't come over to us we were able to tune them out and focus on each other. That's how it should be. I would have been furious if for those four hours on my birthday having a break from the stress of parenting a child with special needs I had had to deal with someone else's child hanging around me. It doesn't make me a bad person to want to be left alone, and it doesn't mean I think the world revolves round me either.


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## Noodlebear

It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?


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## HPmum2B

Deleted...


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## Noodlebear

Eh? I'm not the OP...... But cheers.


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## HPmum2B

Noodlebear said:


> Eh? I'm not the OP...... But cheers.

Oh sorry... :blush:


----------



## Noodlebear

That's ok, I was about to get all snippy back and then realised the mistake you made ;)


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## HPmum2B

Someone else has quoted you a few posts back. I guess they have made the same mistake.

I thought it was the OP being sarcastic. lol.


----------



## Noodlebear

I'm sure it'll happen again :haha: I'll have to be on the look out now!


----------



## SarahP13

I thought of this thread last night when I was trying to convince my 16 month old that riding her sisters scooter in the restaurant wasn't a good idea! Needless to say we beat a hasty retreat to the garden to avoid the inevitable tantrum :brat:

As for letting them walk around the restaurant, no way. Yesterday it was very quiet, loads of empty tables around us but they drew pictures, read books and chatted to us grown ups before the food came and then sat and ate nicely. Just because it's quiet doesn't mean my girls are going to think its ok to mess around, table manners are important to me. The scooter incident came after over an hour of being there so understandable IMO! As soon as they begin to play up we leave. 

I love kids, have always worked in child care and will chat to them anywhere- playground, supermarket, even a restaurant if I'm out with my girls but once every two or so months we get a babysitter and DH and I will go for a nice meal. On those occasions I don't want kids running around my table and interrupting our meal, that time is precious to me. 

As for the breast feeding comparison?! :wacko:


----------



## Bevziibubble

I was dreaming about this thread last night! :dohh:


----------



## MrsHedgehog

Noodlebear said:


> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?

I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.


----------



## jd83

MrsHedgehog said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. *Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, *restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...

Definitely a cultural thing, and really depends where you live. That would be VERY awkward here to have wait staff take your child off somewhere to show them something. I've noticed this being a cultural thing when we go out for Chinese food, the wait staff often want to touch my kids, or hold my kids. It makes me uncomfortable, as that's not something really done in our culture, touching people's kids without them offering it to you. But I do get that its probably completely normal to them, so usually don't make a big deal of it, but it does make me uncomfortable.


----------



## RachA

jd83 said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. *Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, *restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> Definitely a cultural thing, and really depends where you live. That would be VERY awkward here to have wait staff take your child off somewhere to show them something. I've noticed this being a cultural thing when we go out for Chinese food, the wait staff often want to touch my kids, or hold my kids. It makes me uncomfortable, as that's not something really done in our culture, touching people's kids without them offering it to you. But I do get that its probably completely normal to them, so usually don't make a big deal of it, but it does make me uncomfortable.Click to expand...


Plus i think it also depends on the type of place you are in. At the places that we usually go to the staff would be too busy to take kids off to look at things. I know that when we have been away on holidays to places in spain or greece the restaurants we've been in are much smaller family run places and the staff aren't run off their feet waiting on people. I am generally a very open person and have allowed people that i don't know to hold and walk about with my kids. But i wouldn't do that in most of the places local to us because they are just not the type of places where you get to know people.


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## JASMAK

Yeah. .. no one has ever tried to hold, touch, or take my kids. Likely the police would be involved if that happens here! !! Hahaha


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## Pearls18

I haven't read the mammoth thread but....

No I don't let DS run around restaurant, just like don't let him run around the dining room while we're eating, he gets down when we get down.

He used to be hard work at restaurants for a while no matter what entertainment there was, so tbh we just avoided them until he was better behaved, that was more down to his own personality/ behaviour though.


----------



## Loui1001

JASMAK said:


> Yeah. .. no one has ever tried to hold, touch, or take my kids. Likely the police would be involved if that happens here! !! Hahaha

Same here, I'd freak if anyone tried to take my LOs off somewhere while we were out for a meal. Mind you, the state that DS is in after he eats isn't the cutest


----------



## HKateH

jd83 said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. *Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, *restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> Definitely a cultural thing, and really depends where you live. That would be VERY awkward here to have wait staff take your child off somewhere to show them something. I've noticed this being a cultural thing when we go out for Chinese food, the wait staff often want to touch my kids, or hold my kids. It makes me uncomfortable, as that's not something really done in our culture, touching people's kids without them offering it to you. But I do get that its probably completely normal to them, so usually don't make a big deal of it, but it does make me uncomfortable.Click to expand...

We go to a family run, Greek/Cypriot restaurant and have done for years. They used to chat to me about the baby when I was pregnant and then when he'd been born, my parents went there to eat (without us) and the family passed on a present for LO. We sent them a photo of LO in one of the outfits they bought him. Now, whenever we go to eat there, the waiters make such a fuss and cuddle LO or take him off to look around the kitchen.


----------



## Pearls18

Noodlebear your name is too similar to the OPs lol.


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## PandaMao

Honestly I think the idea of following your child around a restaurant pretty rude and disrespectful. I think they need to learn patience and sit at the table like everyone else. If your child isn't capable of doing that then don't bring them or walk with them in the lobby or outside. It's pretty rude to think everyone is ok with you and your child walking around the dining area. Especially with you eating. I can't even imagine doing that. Not to mention it's incredibly unsafe. Restaurants are meant for you to sit and eat. It doesn't compare to getting food at a street cart or fair.


----------



## Noodlebear

MarineWAG said:


> Noodlebear your name is too similar to the OPs lol.

I know :( not ideal on a thread like this lol!


----------



## Noodlebear

MrsHedgehog said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...

No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.


----------



## cookette

Noodlebear said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...

This exactly. One persons pleasure is another's poison.


----------



## HPmum2B

jd83 said:


> Definitely a cultural thing, and really depends where you live. That would be VERY awkward here to have wait staff take your child off somewhere to show them something. I've noticed this being a cultural thing when we go out for Chinese food, the wait staff often want to touch my kids, or hold my kids. It makes me uncomfortable, as that's not something really done in our culture, touching people's kids without them offering it to you. But I do get that its probably completely normal to them, so usually don't make a big deal of it, but it does make me uncomfortable.

Its funny you say that, there is a Chinese we go to occasionally, and while I we were getting ready to leave the waitress took my DD, held her, wondered around with her etc. I did find it quite unusual, but I was happy to go with the flow as she was in my sight the whole time.


----------



## jd83

HPmum2B said:


> jd83 said:
> 
> 
> Definitely a cultural thing, and really depends where you live. That would be VERY awkward here to have wait staff take your child off somewhere to show them something. I've noticed this being a cultural thing when we go out for Chinese food, the wait staff often want to touch my kids, or hold my kids. It makes me uncomfortable, as that's not something really done in our culture, touching people's kids without them offering it to you. But I do get that its probably completely normal to them, so usually don't make a big deal of it, but it does make me uncomfortable.
> 
> Its funny you say that, there is a Chinese we go to occasionally, and while I we were getting ready to leave the waitress took my DD, held her, wondered around with her etc. I did find it quite unusual, but I was happy to go with the flow as she was in my sight the whole time.Click to expand...

So its not just me that this keeps happening to, LOL! Literally every time we go to get Chinese. When the boys were babies, they would pick them up out of the high chair to cuddle them without even asking. It was very awkward, but I did my best to go with the flow because after it happening multiple times I could see that it must be very commonplace for their culture to be so openly affectionate to all babies.


----------



## MrsHedgehog

Noodlebear said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...

I really think though that when you are in a public place you should be open to people coming up and talking to you. Should I stop my LO from chatting to everyone just in case they don't like it? I'm very respectful of others boundaries. If I sense somebody is not willing to interact with my LO I will always suggest that she leaves them in peace. I can understand she might be annoying. But I'm not going to strap her into her high chair and force her to stay there for fear that she might (God forbid) say 'hi' to someone who is trying to enjoy a quiet romantic meal. All I am trying to say is that we all have to be a bit tolerant and respectful of the people we are sharing a space with and children deserve to be treated with tolerance and respect too. 

Maybe this article can explain it a bit better than I can https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/10/the-radical-notion-that-children-are-people.html


----------



## jessicatunnel

I only got halfway through this thread and then quit reading, hah, but yes and no.

If we're at a restaurant like olive garden, a steakhouse, etc, then she has to stay at the table. She refuses to sit in a highchair so she sits in a "big girl" seat, and will usually play with the items on the table. When she gets bored of that, she will play under the table or walk around the table but I would never let her leave the table and run around the restaurant. 

The Mcdonald's here have a huge play area, so we will eat in there, and she will run off and play and come back to the table to eat when she gets hungry.

I live in a big-ish city, and my parents and grandparents live in a REALLY small town about 15 minutes outside my city. I go out there often, and the town has a cute cafe that we go to A LOT, and we know the staff there, and it's mostly elderly people there who love seeing little kids. She usually plays at/around our table but sometimes someone will start conversation with her and she will walk up to them and laugh and play games with them. 

I would NEVER allow her to go up to a stranger's table if they were showing no interest in her (she wouldn't anyway), and I also would never follow her around a restaurant while eating my food at the same time, I have never in my life seen that. 

People are very relaxed where I live, and most wave, smile, play peekaboo, etc with my daughter when we're out eating. 
I also have no problem with kids coming up to our table. I've had kids come up to our table to play with my daughter after they're all done eating, and that doesn't bother me one bit. If it was just DH and I eating and a child came up to us, we would smile, ask them how their meal was, are they having a good time, etc. It wouldn't annoy me one bit, and this is coming from a person who doesn't really like other kids besides my own, lol. We're just friendly people.


----------



## Reidfidleir

Would you believe I just sat and read all 23 pages? Whew! I won't post much as everything has pretty much been covered here but yes another person to say No. I would never do that. I have also never seen it done in my area. Casual family restaurants or otherwise. Thorrin is expected to sit and behave. We play with crayons if available. And if he's antsy before the meal well ask for some oyster crackers (commonly given gratis with soup and chowder here) to keep him busy. 
If he gets very wriggly well pick him up and sit him next to us. Usually he is pretty good and yes he's an active child but we have started from infancy training him. It does help however that he is a very good eater. 
And who knows? Maybe ill eat my words when he gets older... 
But in any case I was raised with etiquette and very high expectations. I will be passing this on but in a more reasonable fashion.


----------



## Noodlebear

MrsHedgehog I don't know what to say without repeating myself over and over. The only person in control of your LO is you. Others will probably put up with being approached but that could've spoilt their time. You don't know why they're there, what they're discussing, what mood they're in. Children are naturally inquisitive but that does not mean I will let mine go and stand at the end of someone else's table. I can't stop him looking at people from our table and if they wish to speak to him I have no problem with that but I haven't allowed him to invade anyone's personal space. As I said there are pages and pages of people saying that it's just not ok to do that. If you choose to let your child then fine but you seem to be in the minority and possibly aren't being very respectful of fellow diners. Basic manners come into play - you don't interrupt conversations and you sure as hell don't disturb people when they're eating.


----------



## RachA

Noodlebear said:


> MrsHedgehog I don't know what to say without repeating myself over and over. The only person in control of your LO is you. *Others will probably put up with being approached but that could've spoilt their time.* You don't know why they're there, what they're discussing, what mood they're in. Children are naturally inquisitive but that does not mean I will let mine go and stand at the end of someone else's table. I can't stop him looking at people from our table and if they wish to speak to him I have no problem with that but I haven't allowed him to invade anyone's personal space. As I said there are pages and pages of people saying that it's just not ok to do that. If you choose to let your child then fine but you seem to be in the minority and possibly aren't being very respectful of fellow diners. Basic manners come into play - you don't interrupt conversations and you sure as hell don't disturb people when they're eating.

The bit I put in bold stood out to me-at the end of the day how do you know if the people your child has approached are ok with it or not. Ok you'll get those who make it obvious that they don't want the child there. However most people would smile and say hi and you'd be none the wiser. I will quite happily say hi to a child and my good manners wouldn't allow me to show the actually the child is an imposition and I don't want them at my table. I've lost count of the times someone has apologised for their child coming up and saying hi or running in to me etc (obviously not all in restaurant settings) and I've said 'oh that's ok' when actually it hasn't been ok. 

I would always with on the basis that if the adult makes eye contact/says hi first then I would allow my child to say hi back. I wouldn't allow them to do this repeatedly though.


----------



## petite ping

Actually if a child came up to my table while I was eating, I would probably say hi or ignore them and wait for them to leave (or for the parents to take them off). If they came up repeatedly, I don't think there's a lot I would/could do even if it pissed me off as I wouldn't really want to face a protective momma bear on top of a persistant child. So I would put up with said child and hope that they get bored of me.

As for the comments about chinese - they really do love babies. On the other hand their kids are really restaurant savvy and generally stay in their seats or if they get bored they wander from person to person at the same table as them. When I go to asia, I'm always pretty impressed by the behaviour and the eating habits of kids there - I've eaten at tables with 2/3 toddlers and we hardly noticed they were there.


----------



## bumpbear

MrsHedgehog said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...
> 
> I really think though that when you are in a public place you should be open to people coming up and talking to you. Should I stop my LO from chatting to everyone just in case they don't like it? I'm very respectful of others boundaries. If I sense somebody is not willing to interact with my LO I will always suggest that she leaves them in peace. I can understand she might be annoying. But I'm not going to strap her into her high chair and force her to stay there for fear that she might (God forbid) say 'hi' to someone who is trying to enjoy a quiet romantic meal. All I am trying to say is that we all have to be a bit tolerant and respectful of the people we are sharing a space with and children deserve to be treated with tolerance and respect too.
> 
> Maybe this article can explain it a bit better than I can https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/10/the-radical-notion-that-children-are-people.htmlClick to expand...

Totally with you on this one!

I supervise my kid 100% of the time. I am not going to stop my kid saying hello to someone, but I will stop her doing anything further than that unless those people invite her in for further conversation. Even still, we wouldn't linger for more than a minute conversation at most. If people are going to feel their whole night is ruined by a simple 'hi' from a 2 year old passing their table at a restaurant, perhaps they need to re-examine why such small things are so bothersome to them.


----------



## kit10grl

MrsHedgehog said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...
> 
> I really think though that when you are in a public place you should be open to people coming up and talking to you. Should I stop my LO from chatting to everyone just in case they don't like it? I'm very respectful of others boundaries. If I sense somebody is not willing to interact with my LO I will always suggest that she leaves them in peace. I can understand she might be annoying. But I'm not going to strap her into her high chair and force her to stay there for fear that she might (God forbid) say 'hi' to someone who is trying to enjoy a quiet romantic meal. All I am trying to say is that we all have to be a bit tolerant and respectful of the people we are sharing a space with and children deserve to be treated with tolerance and respect too.
> 
> Maybe this article can explain it a bit better than I can https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/10/the-radical-notion-that-children-are-people.htmlClick to expand...


Not sure how that article is relevant to this to be honest. I dont spank my children as i dont believe in it. I'm not a young person with no kids who thinks they will discover the secret to well behaved kids, and im not an older person claiming 'In my day kids didnt do that'. I am a mother who thinks my kids are adorable but who understands other people dont want them interfering in their lives. 

Maybe if i explain it better this way. When I'm out for a meal with other people in a restaurant i dont want people coming up to my table interrupting us and expecting me to be all chatty with them. Now based on yoru article people would include children. So its not that toddlers shouldnt be walking round a restaurant people shouldnt be doing it. Its bad manners. But this is where others jump in with but there just children and they are just learning. But you cant have it both ways either they are children who should be treated differently or they are people and should be treated the same. Either way i still dont want them at my table.


bumpbear said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...
> 
> I really think though that when you are in a public place you should be open to people coming up and talking to you. Should I stop my LO from chatting to everyone just in case they don't like it? I'm very respectful of others boundaries. If I sense somebody is not willing to interact with my LO I will always suggest that she leaves them in peace. I can understand she might be annoying. But I'm not going to strap her into her high chair and force her to stay there for fear that she might (God forbid) say 'hi' to someone who is trying to enjoy a quiet romantic meal. All I am trying to say is that we all have to be a bit tolerant and respectful of the people we are sharing a space with and children deserve to be treated with tolerance and respect too.
> 
> Maybe this article can explain it a bit better than I can https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/10/the-radical-notion-that-children-are-people.htmlClick to expand...
> 
> Totally with you on this one!
> 
> I supervise my kid 100% of the time. I am not going to stop my kid saying hello to someone, but I will stop her doing anything further than that unless those people invite her in for further conversation. Even still, we wouldn't linger for more than a minute conversation at most. *If people are going to feel their whole night is ruined by a simple 'hi' from a 2 year old passing their table at a restaurant, perhaps they need to re-examine why such small things are so bothersome to them*.Click to expand...


I feel this way because one of my children has special needs and is bloody hard work, I am in mum mode ALL the time if there is a rare occassion when i am child free and i can switch off then i want to be able to relax. If i am interracting with a child i feel that in some way at that moment i am responsible for that child. If they are talking to me and a waitress trips over them while they are talking to me with no parent in sight i would take charge of seeng if they were ok. Its that responsibility that i dont like and want to be free from in my childfree time. I dont need to rexamine this, or feel bad about it, i get very little time off and want to be able to relax. I dont ask others to understand it as unless you live in my situation then you wont get it, but i do ask that people respect it by not involving themselves in my conversations and in my space. Maybe others need to rexamine the possibility that because its not something that bothers them it is something that bothers some people and that is ok because everyones life is different and everyone is entitled to live their lives how they want


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## jessicatunnel

Really though, how many times has a child walked up to you and started a conversation with you, wanted to play with you, or stood there gawking at you while you ate your food? I know it's never happened to me, while DH and I were having dinner alone. So if it did, it wouldn't bother us because it's so rare that it happens. 

Really, a child talking to you for two minutes out of your 1/1.5hr long dinner is not that big of a deal. It's not like they're going to pull up a chair and eat their dinner with you!


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## modified

A strangers child staring at me eating from elsewhere in the restaurant (happens more often than not) is enough to make me antsy - so yeah, a kid coming up to me and talking to me for a few minutes is too much. I wonder where their parents are and why they aren't being looked after.


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## bumpbear

kit10grl said:

> I feel this way because one of my children has special needs and is bloody hard work, I am in mum mode ALL the time if there is a rare occassion when i am child free and i can switch off then i want to be able to relax. If i am interracting with a child i feel that in some way at that moment i am responsible for that child. If they are talking to me and a waitress trips over them while they are talking to me with no parent in sight i would take charge of seeng if they were ok. Its that responsibility that i dont like and want to be free from in my childfree time. I dont need to rexamine this, or feel bad about it, i get very little time off and want to be able to relax. I dont ask others to understand it as unless you live in my situation then you wont get it, but i do ask that people respect it by not involving themselves in my conversations and in my space. Maybe others need to rexamine the possibility that because its not something that bothers them it is something that bothers some people and that is ok because everyones life is different and everyone is entitled to live their lives how they want

I'll be a bit clearer and say I am not referring to unsupervised children. I don't agree with children being left to roam freely without someone watching them because it's unsafe. I am like a shadow to my DD!

In your situation I would choose an adult only restaurant if I really couldn't stand the thought that a child might possibly wave at me, smile, or say hello. 

I think a society where children can't interact with other adults in the most natural and briefest of situations is a sad one. I


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## kit10grl

bumpbear said:


> kit10grl said:
> 
> I feel this way because one of my children has special needs and is bloody hard work, I am in mum mode ALL the time if there is a rare occassion when i am child free and i can switch off then i want to be able to relax. If i am interracting with a child i feel that in some way at that moment i am responsible for that child. If they are talking to me and a waitress trips over them while they are talking to me with no parent in sight i would take charge of seeng if they were ok. Its that responsibility that i dont like and want to be free from in my childfree time. I dont need to rexamine this, or feel bad about it, i get very little time off and want to be able to relax. I dont ask others to understand it as unless you live in my situation then you wont get it, but i do ask that people respect it by not involving themselves in my conversations and in my space. Maybe others need to rexamine the possibility that because its not something that bothers them it is something that bothers some people and that is ok because everyones life is different and everyone is entitled to live their lives how they want
> 
> I'll be a bit clearer and say I am not referring to unsupervised children. I don't agree with children being left to roam freely without someone watching them because it's unsafe. I am like a shadow to my DD!
> 
> In your situation I would choose an adult only restaurant if I really couldn't stand the thought that a child might possibly wave at me, smile, or say hello.
> 
> I think a society where children can't interact with other adults in the most natural and briefest of situations is a sad one. IClick to expand...

There are no adult only restaurants where i live :shrug:


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## modified

Where does it end? An adult only beach? Adult only shopping mall? Why can't parents just keep their kids to themselves in public? :shrug:


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## staralfur

It seems to me that some people are talking about kids who are being supervised and some people are talking about those who aren't. I think there is a BIG difference. On one hand, you'd probably have a child walking alongside their mother saying "hi" while they briefly pass a table. I don't see why anyone would be annoyed by that five seconds of interaction. 

On the other hand, if a child specifically walked up to my table with no parent in sight, I would be annoyed. Because as a PP said, I would feel temporarily responsible for that child. 

Anyway, it seems to me while reading this that there's a bit confusion as to which situation everyone is talking about.


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## louandivy

lol this is still going on


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## aliss

kit10grl said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...
> 
> I really think though that when you are in a public place you should be open to people coming up and talking to you. Should I stop my LO from chatting to everyone just in case they don't like it? I'm very respectful of others boundaries. If I sense somebody is not willing to interact with my LO I will always suggest that she leaves them in peace. I can understand she might be annoying. But I'm not going to strap her into her high chair and force her to stay there for fear that she might (God forbid) say 'hi' to someone who is trying to enjoy a quiet romantic meal. All I am trying to say is that we all have to be a bit tolerant and respectful of the people we are sharing a space with and children deserve to be treated with tolerance and respect too.
> 
> Maybe this article can explain it a bit better than I can https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/10/the-radical-notion-that-children-are-people.htmlClick to expand...
> 
> 
> Not sure how that article is relevant to this to be honest. I dont spank my children as i dont believe in it. I'm not a young person with no kids who thinks they will discover the secret to well behaved kids, and im not an older person claiming 'In my day kids didnt do that'. I am a mother who thinks my kids are adorable but who understands other people dont want them interfering in their lives.
> 
> Maybe if i explain it better this way. When I'm out for a meal with other people in a restaurant i dont want people coming up to my table interrupting us and expecting me to be all chatty with them. Now based on yoru article people would include children. So its not that toddlers shouldnt be walking round a restaurant people shouldnt be doing it. Its bad manners. But this is where others jump in with but there just children and they are just learning. But you cant have it both ways either they are children who should be treated differently or they are people and should be treated the same. Either way i still dont want them at my table.
> 
> 
> bumpbear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> It's a little ironic that you think individuals wanting to eat their meal in peace believe the world revolves around them. There are pages and pages of people stating they feel it's unacceptable. You feel people just have to put up with it, that's fine, but is it really everyone else that thinks the world revolves around them or the minority of parents who think that everyone else should be able to just 'put up with' their child?Click to expand...
> 
> I think you misunderstood me. I'm not talking about children who are being disruptive. I'm talking about children who are just being children and being curious and sociable. Today I had lunch out with my daughter. There was a baby at the next table who we'd been smiling and waving at throughout our meal. After a while the granny brought the baby to our table so that he could play a bit with my daughter who had finished eating and was playing under the table as usual. I love this kind of interaction. Often my husband and I will get chatting with other parents at nearby tables and the kids will play together as we eat. It's always lovely and I never feel like it's a problem. Sometimes even the waiting staff will take my daughter off somewhere to show her something or when she was a baby would ask to hold her. If we wanted to spend just family time alone together then we'd stay at home and cook a nice meal or go somewhere for a picnic. Generally if we go to a restaurant it's because we want to be more sociable. Maybe it's a cultural thing, restaurants here generally are very lively places, not somewhere to go for a quiet meal.Click to expand...
> 
> No I didn't misunderstand. That depends on your definition of disruptive, someone being interrupted by children who are trying to talk to them could be seen as disruptive. If a child is sat quietly, being taken out for a wander with someone they are with etc then it's a different story. But just because you love lots of interaction doesn't mean everyone does. You have to be aware of your surroundings and respectful of boundaries that may differ from your own.Click to expand...
> 
> I really think though that when you are in a public place you should be open to people coming up and talking to you. Should I stop my LO from chatting to everyone just in case they don't like it? I'm very respectful of others boundaries. If I sense somebody is not willing to interact with my LO I will always suggest that she leaves them in peace. I can understand she might be annoying. But I'm not going to strap her into her high chair and force her to stay there for fear that she might (God forbid) say 'hi' to someone who is trying to enjoy a quiet romantic meal. All I am trying to say is that we all have to be a bit tolerant and respectful of the people we are sharing a space with and children deserve to be treated with tolerance and respect too.
> 
> Maybe this article can explain it a bit better than I can https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/10/the-radical-notion-that-children-are-people.htmlClick to expand...
> 
> Totally with you on this one!
> 
> I supervise my kid 100% of the time. I am not going to stop my kid saying hello to someone, but I will stop her doing anything further than that unless those people invite her in for further conversation. Even still, we wouldn't linger for more than a minute conversation at most. *If people are going to feel their whole night is ruined by a simple 'hi' from a 2 year old passing their table at a restaurant, perhaps they need to re-examine why such small things are so bothersome to them*.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I feel this way because one of my children has special needs and is bloody hard work, I am in mum mode ALL the time if there is a rare occassion when i am child free and i can switch off then i want to be able to relax. If i am interracting with a child i feel that in some way at that moment i am responsible for that child. If they are talking to me and a waitress trips over them while they are talking to me with no parent in sight i would take charge of seeng if they were ok. Its that responsibility that i dont like and want to be free from in my childfree time. I dont need to rexamine this, or feel bad about it, i get very little time off and want to be able to relax. I dont ask others to understand it as unless you live in my situation then you wont get it, but i do ask that people respect it by not involving themselves in my conversations and in my space. Maybe others need to rexamine the possibility that because its not something that bothers them it is something that bothers some people and that is ok because everyones life is different and everyone is entitled to live their lives how they wantClick to expand...

I agree with kit10grl.

I don't get most of you to really understand but when your life revolves around a disabled child and you get the 1/million chance to get a childfree break, it would spoil your night. We're not in the same boat as parents of "normal" kids who don't just want or trust babysitters, we're the kind of parents where you put up an honest ad for babysitting and they hang up the phone or preschools won't even entertain you past 2 sentences. I won't even get into how we can't even go a few nights without worrying about what the heck is going to happen to our (adult) kid when we die. It's a 24/7 thing and it never ends.

So, needless to say, no, obviously that isn't the fault on the parents of the cute little kid toddling around but seriously... just don't get uppity if we ignore your kid and are annoyed by it, that's all. Because I will. Does that make me a bitch? Probably. You'd be a bitch too if your life revolved around 1 or 2 measly 'escapes' at a cheap diner once a year. 

Yes, I admit that is a very personal feeling but I know that many of us who deal with that particular issue of disabilities feel the same way. Just trying to show support for how she is feeling. I'm there too. I wouldn't voice it if it didn't come to this thread.


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## Foogirl

I'm surprised at the number or people positively encouraging children to interact with strangers, insisting others should engage with them, and calling out anyone who chooses not to, when on another thread someone was worried about a "weird" stranger near a play park. With parents on a hair trigger looking for anyone who might pose a risk to children, is it any wonder adults are reticent to talk to children?



aliss said:



> Yes, I admit that is a very personal feeling but I know that many of us who deal with that particular issue of disabilities feel the same way. Just trying to show support for how she is feeling. I'm there too. I wouldn't voice it if it didn't come to this thread.

:thumbup: Well said. I totally get it. I don't expect others to understand but nor do I expect people to disagree or to dismiss the way we feel as irrational or stupid.


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## ronnie1234

Stalking this thread don't ususlly have a problem with lo, but been away this weekend and at buffet breakfast what a nightmare up down in out aargh.,


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## Ceejay123

.


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## petite ping

For me a "family restaurant" means that the restaurant is reasonably priced with kids meals and facilities for entertaining/changing kids.

I have travelled a lot in the US for business and have eaten in a lot of "family restaurants". I don't believe that these restaurants are exclusively for families.

Since I had the LO, I tend to go to "family restaurants" (even without the LO) as they are lighter on my wallet. Often I go to take time out with my OH without having to pick food off the floor. I am not intolerant of children - I just want my privacy and break from normal life.

A kid saying hi passing by is not the same as a kid wandering around the restaurant with his mom shadowing because he can't sit still at the table - I think that was what the OP was asking about. A young child stopping to talk to strangers unsollicited would worry me whether or not his parents were near by.


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## MrsPear

staralfur said:


> It seems to me that some people are talking about kids who are being supervised and some people are talking about those who aren't. I think there is a BIG difference. On one hand, you'd probably have a child walking alongside their mother saying "hi" while they briefly pass a table. I don't see why anyone would be annoyed by that five seconds of interaction.
> 
> On the other hand, if a child specifically walked up to my table with no parent in sight, I would be annoyed. Because as a PP said, I would feel temporarily responsible for that child.
> 
> Anyway, it seems to me while reading this that there's a bit confusion as to which situation everyone is talking about.

Completely agree with this. In my responses I was specifically talking about children prancing about the restaurant and coming over to the tables.

Children are everywhere and of course I'm not expecting all children to keep a certain distance from me. I love children! I daresay at a family restaurant there's going to be children arriving, children leaving, children walking to the toilet with a parent, children chatting loudly, children crying. Yeah sure, I accept all that, it's a family restaurant, I'd be ridiculous to think I shouldn't clap eyes on a child there. I'll even say hi if it happens that I'm in the same place as a child, like they're in front of me in the queue to be seated. I'm not an ogre. 

But when I've sat down and ordered my food, is it so much that I just want to eat my food and speak to the people I actually arrived with? 

Crazy how two threads can run with people in one saying that you should call the police if a lone adult comes within 50 yards of your child in a public place and the other one with people saying that adults are rude and ignorant if they don't want to interact with your child whilst they socialise in another public place.


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## Quartz

I think too there is a world of difference between children walking around unattended (which I have seen) and children interfering with other diners and walking a child around who otherwise could be disruptive by making noise.

I would not let DD at 5 walk around a restaurant as she is old enough to sit at a table and eat (although I do still take colouring books) unless there is a specific child friendly area or we are eating outside. But I have walked DS around (particularly when he was a tinier baby) to calm him down but would not go up to peoples tables. To be honest it never occurred to me it would disrupt anyone as we were just walking around as waitress or people coming and going to the toilet.

That said I would not walk around with food - when food comes we are at the table. 

I tend to make decisions in restaurants based on the surroundings and how to be least disruptive to people around me. That said I tend to always go for the restaurants that there are loads of kids in with the kids and less kid friendly places without.

One thing though to those who say that they want their children to stay at the table until everyone has finished - admittedly never had this rule - at home its been until they have finished. just wondered how you felt about the fact that its the same at school, they stay at the table until they have finished (at least at DDs) and dont wait for anyone else.


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## HPmum2B

Wow, this thread is still running...

There is a difference between kids charging around in McDonalds / Harvester / Dennys and children wondering around in a much more upmarket restaurant.

There is also a difference between a kid wondering past your table once and a kid coming past every 30 seconds as they wonder round and round. I don't know the size of the restaurants everyone else eats in, but if you were circling the average restaurant round here, you would find yourself back at the beginning again pretty quickly.

I don't let my DD wonder around restaurants, because it is not good behavior for a restaurant, we want to teach her good table manners. Sometimes, particularly if we have had a long wait for food, she does run out of patience, but we would keep her away from other people trying to enjoy their meal, either outside or in a lobby area.


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## HPmum2B

Quartz said:


> I think too there is a world of difference between children walking around unattended (which I have seen) and children interfering with other diners and walking a child around who otherwise could be disruptive by making noise.
> 
> I would not let DD at 5 walk around a restaurant as she is old enough to sit at a table and eat (although I do still take colouring books) unless there is a specific child friendly area or we are eating outside. But I have walked DS around (particularly when he was a tinier baby) to calm him down but would not go up to peoples tables. To be honest it never occurred to me it would disrupt anyone as we were just walking around as waitress or people coming and going to the toilet.
> 
> That said I would not walk around with food - when food comes we are at the table.
> 
> I tend to make decisions in restaurants based on the surroundings and how to be least disruptive to people around me. That said I tend to always go for the restaurants that there are loads of kids in with the kids and less kid friendly places without.
> 
> One thing though to those who say that they want their children to stay at the table until everyone has finished - admittedly never had this rule - at home its been until they have finished. just wondered how you felt about the fact that its the same at school, they stay at the table until they have finished (at least at DDs) and dont wait for anyone else.

When I was a child, I was not allowed to leave the table until everyone had finished when I was at home.
However, at school we left when we had finished and did not wait for others.
I was able to differentiate from one situation to another, I don't remember it causing me any confusion, so I am sure my kids will be able to work it out too.


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## Noodlebear

Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.


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## RachA

Quartz said:


> I think too there is a world of difference between children walking around unattended (which I have seen) and children interfering with other diners and walking a child around who otherwise could be disruptive by making noise.
> 
> I would not let DD at 5 walk around a restaurant as she is old enough to sit at a table and eat (although I do still take colouring books) unless there is a specific child friendly area or we are eating outside. But I have walked DS around (particularly when he was a tinier baby) to calm him down but would not go up to peoples tables. To be honest it never occurred to me it would disrupt anyone as we were just walking around as waitress or people coming and going to the toilet.
> 
> That said I would not walk around with food - when food comes we are at the table.
> 
> I tend to make decisions in restaurants based on the surroundings and how to be least disruptive to people around me. That said I tend to always go for the restaurants that there are loads of kids in with the kids and less kid friendly places without.
> 
> One thing though to those who say that they want their children to stay at the table until everyone has finished - admittedly never had this rule - at home its been until they have finished. just wondered how you felt about the fact that its the same at school, they stay at the table until they have finished (at least at DDs) and dont wait for anyone else.

To answer your query-it's the same at my sons school, they get down once they have finished and don't have to wait for everyone else. 
I don't have an issue with this because it's nothing I have a say in. I would however have an issue if I found that the school allowed them to get up and down from the table whilst they were eating.


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## JASMAK

I have never let my kids wander in a restaurant, with our without me, but curious for those that do. ... at what age would you stop? I personally don't even like the waves or hi's (although I would NEVER be so rude as to ignore a child) but honest answer is I don't care for a child standing on their seat and say, looking over into our booth at us. My kids have done this, but I do stop them. Perhaps because I don't want it. But really just curious for those who don't mind. .. what age is it rude? 3, 5, 7, 10?


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## MrsHedgehog

Noodlebear said:


> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.

You know what, you're right. I was being totally self-centred. From now on I'll stop my daughter from talking to anybody in a restaurant just in case they don't like it. I had no idea it could be such a problem for some people.


----------



## TryinFor1

My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened. Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know. 

I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!


----------



## bumpbear

.


----------



## bumpbear

MrsHedgehog said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> You know what, you're right. I was being totally self-centred. From now on I'll stop my daughter from talking to anybody in a restaurant just in case they don't like it. I had no idea it could be such a problem for some people.Click to expand...

Ha!

I will continue being self centered and keep allowing my child to say a simple hello to people if she wants to because I want her to grow up sociable and thinking it's not a nuisance for people to be friendly. When she's 30, hopefully she won't feel like her whole night's been ruined if a supervised 2 year old toddles by her table at a restaurant and waves at her.


----------



## steph.

I cant believe this thread is still going. It seems that everyone agrees they wouldnt let their child pester (and by that I mean continuously go up to them and keep interrupting) other diners, but that a 'hello'is ok?


----------



## karlilay

Haven't been on here for a long end, but no. I wouldn't just let them walk around the restaurant.
We don't go out to eat for this specific reason. Until they're old enough to sit and eat properly and sit nicely at a table without getting distracted or wandering around we won't.
Having said that is a small child came up to us in a restaurant, I wouldn't bat an eyelid.


----------



## AngelofTroy

TryinFor1 said:


> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened. Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!

Omg! Is it wrong to let them walk (supervised) in the aisle on a plane then?! We have specifically booked aisle seats for this reason as I just don't expect my 18 month old to sit still on my lap for hours at a time, however many toys and distractions I plan!


----------



## Noodlebear

bumpbear said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> You know what, you're right. I was being totally self-centred. From now on I'll stop my daughter from talking to anybody in a restaurant just in case they don't like it. I had no idea it could be such a problem for some people.Click to expand...
> 
> Ha!
> 
> I will continue being self centered and keep allowing my child to say a simple hello to people if she wants to because I want her to grow up sociable and thinking it's not a nuisance for people to be friendly. When she's 30, hopefully she won't feel like her whole night's been ruined if a supervised 2 year old toddles by her table at a restaurant and waves at her.Click to expand...

Interesting that you have decided to agree with MrsHedgehog then as she's the only poster who seems to have said that more than a quick hello is ok. That tells me that you're not really reading the answers you're replying to and being argumentative 'just because' that's fine, but adds nothing to a mature discussion. And yes I'm sure all children who are taught restaurant etiquette grow up to be anti social.


----------



## Tasha

AngelofTroy said:


> TryinFor1 said:
> 
> 
> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened. Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!
> 
> Omg! Is it wrong to let them walk (supervised) in the aisle on a plane then?! We have specifically booked aisle seats for this reason as I just don't expect my 18 month old to sit still on my lap for hours at a time, however many toys and distractions I plan!Click to expand...

:shock: that is very extreme. I didnt know it was wrong to let them walk supervised up an plane aisle either. The alternative is not like a restaurant where you can pop outside with them to stretch their legs, the alternative is most likely them screaming/crying etc. I know I would prefer the walking to them being distressed.


----------



## Natsku

Tasha said:


> AngelofTroy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> TryinFor1 said:
> 
> 
> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened. Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!
> 
> Omg! Is it wrong to let them walk (supervised) in the aisle on a plane then?! We have specifically booked aisle seats for this reason as I just don't expect my 18 month old to sit still on my lap for hours at a time, however many toys and distractions I plan!Click to expand...
> 
> :shock: that is very extreme. I didnt know it was wrong to let them walk supervised up an plane aisle either. The alternative is not like a restaurant where you can pop outside with them to stretch their legs, the alternative is most likely them screaming/crying etc. I know I would prefer the walking to them being distressed.Click to expand...

I let Maria walk up and down the aisle but told her not to go too far and to come back to me if someone is trying to walk down the aisle so she can get out of their way. No one seemed to have a problem (she got a lot of smiles and helloes, especially from the cabin crew!)


----------



## Miss Vintage

Natsku said:


> Tasha said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AngelofTroy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> TryinFor1 said:
> 
> 
> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened. Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!
> 
> Omg! Is it wrong to let them walk (supervised) in the aisle on a plane then?! We have specifically booked aisle seats for this reason as I just don't expect my 18 month old to sit still on my lap for hours at a time, however many toys and distractions I plan!Click to expand...
> 
> :shock: that is very extreme. I didnt know it was wrong to let them walk supervised up an plane aisle either. The alternative is not like a restaurant where you can pop outside with them to stretch their legs, the alternative is most likely them screaming/crying etc. I know I would prefer the walking to them being distressed.Click to expand...
> 
> I let Maria walk up and down the aisle but told her not to go too far and to come back to me if someone is trying to walk down the aisle so she can get out of their way. No one seemed to have a problem (she got a lot of smiles and helloes, especially from the cabin crew!)Click to expand...

I took it to mean the child was unsupervised, i.e. the mum wasn't checking on the child and making sure he didn't bother anyone? That of course does not make it OK for someone to hit your child, but I guess I still feel the child should be supervised walking up and down the aisle, just with mum or dad sticking their head out to make sure the child is OK.


----------



## RinnaRoo

Well this thread was a mess. No, I would never let Gabriel wonder about a restaurant supervised or not. It's a restaurant with other people enjoying a meal. I wouldn't want to see some kid staring at me from the other booth, or have a mom wonder around eating while following her kid. BFing in public has nothing to do with this subject as its totally acceptable to me because its needed to feed a child. Don't take your kid out to eat if they can't behave at a table. It's in everyone's basic culture to enjoy a meal as a family.


----------



## modified

Walking in the aisle of a plane is different. Like a pp said, there's no where else for the child to go to stretch their legs. And if I was on the plane and your child said hello in passing, I'd likely smile and wave - but if he stopped and tried to engage me in conversation, I'd be uncomfortable. I wouldn't ignore him and would talk back but I'd be uncomfortable. If he continued to come up to me time and time again, I'd be annoyed.


----------



## TryinFor1

Miss Vintage said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tasha said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AngelofTroy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> TryinFor1 said:
> 
> 
> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened. Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!
> 
> Omg! Is it wrong to let them walk (supervised) in the aisle on a plane then?! We have specifically booked aisle seats for this reason as I just don't expect my 18 month old to sit still on my lap for hours at a time, however many toys and distractions I plan!Click to expand...
> 
> :shock: that is very extreme. I didnt know it was wrong to let them walk supervised up an plane aisle either. The alternative is not like a restaurant where you can pop outside with them to stretch their legs, the alternative is most likely them screaming/crying etc. I know I would prefer the walking to them being distressed.Click to expand...
> 
> I let Maria walk up and down the aisle but told her not to go too far and to come back to me if someone is trying to walk down the aisle so she can get out of their way. No one seemed to have a problem (she got a lot of smiles and helloes, especially from the cabin crew!)Click to expand...
> 
> I took it to mean the child was unsupervised, i.e. the mum wasn't checking on the child and making sure he didn't bother anyone? That of course does not make it OK for someone to hit your child, but I guess I still feel the child should be supervised walking up and down the aisle, just with mum or dad sticking their head out to make sure the child is OK.Click to expand...

I'm honestly not sure how supervised the child was. I don't think the parent was with him like every step. I think she was standing in the back so she could see him but I might be wrong. But still doesn't make it right obviously! I know the situation is different it just made me think of this thread and how crazy some people are about these types of engagements.


----------



## bumpbear

I fly long haul with LO quite a lot (about 4-5 flights per year). Planes are generally uncomfortable for everybody on there so I always supervise DD when she is walking the aisles and we keep ourselves to ourselves. People's tempers are usually short on a flight and they're usually more than willing to tut and glance disapprovingly if a kid so much as makes a noise.


----------



## emma4g63

RinnaRoo said:


> Well this thread was a mess. No, I would never let Gabriel wonder about a restaurant supervised or not. It's a restaurant with other people enjoying a meal. I wouldn't want to see some kid staring at me from the other booth, or have a mom wonder around eating while following her kid. BFing in public has nothing to do with this subject as its totally acceptable to me because its needed to feed a child. Don't take your kid out to eat if they can't behave at a table. It's in everyone's basic culture to enjoy a meal as a family.

this thread is a mess!! and posts like yours contribute to the mess tbh!! your child must be perfectly behaved or you never leave the house but we go to family orientated restaurants and sometimes Madison gets bored after an hour or so she needs to stretch her legs we usually just let her roam near our table side and no further and sometimes she runs off ( you know typical 2 year old ) but i quickly get her- we dont do this on a saturday night at a top notch italian as those places we choose not to go to as we dont tend to leave madison as we both work full time as it is but i do not think that you can tell people not to go out to eat unless there child is behaved enough- you sound as though you havent experienced a spirited child but you may do in the future and you may then have different opinions as two childeren from the same parents can be totally different!! my two nephews are opposites - one calming and will totally entertain himself and sit there eating and the other very spirited and outgoing loves exploring and finds it hard to sit there for long periods of time - same parenting skills use but neither is badly behaved - its called personality!!!


----------



## modified

Not allowing her child to stare at other diners whilst they eat doesn't mean she has an angel child. It means she's teaching her child manners. Staring is rude.


----------



## Tasha

I dont think the child's personality really comes into this. I have three children, one as I said before has hypermobility and is just about to start assessment for autism, one has sensory issues and the other has no issues what so ever and is as laid back as they come. Their personalities and needs all vary greatly but I wouldnt allow any of them to walk around, bother people etc. It is not as if doing that is the only option if they do become restless or what ever.


----------



## KayBea

no i dont let her wander around, especially whilst people at our table are eating.
if we are waiting for food to arrive i'll take her out side if shes really stessing but i try & keep her at the table.


----------



## JASMAK

Tasha said:


> I dont think the child's personality really comes into this. I have three children, one as I said before has hypermobility and is just about to start assessment for autism, one has sensory issues and the other has no issues what so ever and is as laid back as they come. Their personalities and needs all vary greatly but I wouldnt allow any of them to walk around, bother people etc. It is not as if doing that is the only option if they do become restless or what ever.

Same! My child has asd too and we have never let her wander. We have spent a considerable amount of time just taking her completely out of the restaurant though. It's not everyone else's job I'm the restaurant to entertain my child.


----------



## JASMAK

I fly about 6-8 flights a year with my kids. You are technically supposed to keep their seatbelts on at all times.


----------



## emma4g63

my post was not relating to staring or was i saying personality allows my child to wander around -my post was relating to the comment about not eating out with a child who may be less well behaved than an other- i mean come on!!! badly behaved means to some people what personality means to another -my point was that you cant label a child badly behaved just because they wish to say hello to someone dining or they wish to get out there s after an hour!!! craazy- there childeren..... 

if my 29 year old sister wanted to wonder around the dining room smiling a people and roaming around that would be strange my 2 year not so much....


----------



## steele

How is this still going on? Even the OP has stopped commenting :wacko:


----------



## Foogirl

JASMAK said:


> I have never let my kids wander in a restaurant, with our without me, but curious for those that do. ... at what age would you stop? I personally don't even like the waves or hi's (although I would NEVER be so rude as to ignore a child) but honest answer is I don't care for a child standing on their seat and say, looking over into our booth at us. My kids have done this, but I do stop them. Perhaps because I don't want it. But really just curious for those who don't mind. .. what age is it rude? 3, 5, 7, 10?

Great question.


----------



## jessicatunnel

modified said:


> Not allowing her child to stare at other diners whilst they eat doesn't mean she has an angel child. It means she's teaching her child manners. Staring is rude.

You're calling a child that stares at someone rude? They're children, they're curious. They stare. My daughter stares at people because they're interesting to her, that doesn't make her rude or mean she doesn't have manners. Are you telling me you've never caught your kid staring at someone before? 

Excuse me, while I go teach my not even two year old daughter to never ever look at anyone in a restaurant again because it's RUDE. 
She may like the shirt they're wearing and might want to look at the pretty colors a little longer, but oh no, they're uncomfortable, look away Lilly! Look away! 

:dohh:

Get a grip people.


----------



## modified

There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.


----------



## jessicatunnel

modified said:


> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.

:dohh:

When you're an adult and stare, yes it's rude.
When you're two, no, it's not rude, it's being a curious child, a NORMAL child.


----------



## jessicatunnel

Also, I don't ignore it when she's been staring at someone for an uncomfortable amount of time. But god forbid I'm talking to my husband or whoever I'm with and don't notice her staring because I'm not looking at her the ENTIRE time we're at the restaurant.


----------



## Noodlebear

We went out for lunch today and Lucas was staring at the people behind us. They said hello to him a couple of times and I kept distracting him to allow them their own time. On their way out the 3 of them came over and were talking to him. It was nice, Lucas loved the attention and they'd been left to their meal and not pestered by him the whole time. If I'd have let him just stare constantly he wouldn't have been the one being rude because he doesn't understand but it would've been rude of me not to do anything.


----------



## staralfur

I let my LO look around all she likes but if I notice she's staring at one particular table or person, I'll distract her with something else (if they're ignoring her or look uncomfortable. Some people think it's adorable and wave to her, smile, etc. Even then I won't let her focus on them too long.) 

For me personally, a really small child, like a baby or young toddler, doesn't make me uncomfortable if they're staring at me. I just assume they're curious. But at some point it does come across as being 'nosy'. I don't know exactly what age that would be for me, maybe 3? But for some people it may be a lot sooner.


----------



## jessicatunnel

Obviously I distract my daughter if she's been staring too long, I was just trying to get the point across that a young child staring is not rude. 

Like another poster said, it would be rude of me if I let her stare enough to make the other diners uncomfortable, but my child is not rude.


----------



## Redfraggle

bumpbear said:


> MrsHedgehog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> You know what, you're right. I was being totally self-centred. From now on I'll stop my daughter from talking to anybody in a restaurant just in case they don't like it. I had no idea it could be such a problem for some people.Click to expand...
> 
> Ha!
> 
> I will continue being self centered and keep allowing my child to say a simple hello to people if she wants to because I want her to grow up sociable and thinking it's not a nuisance for people to be friendly. When she's 30, hopefully she won't feel like her whole night's been ruined if a supervised 2 year old toddles by her table at a restaurant and waves at her.Click to expand...

And I hope she isn't infertile at 30 and saving so desperately for treatment she can't afford to go to a high end restaurant that doesn't have children in.

Just give people a break. What seems harmless to you is totally heartbreaking to others.


----------



## XJessicaX

modified said:


> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.

Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:


----------



## staralfur

I don't think she was calling the child rude, she said "staring is rude." I think she's referring to the act of staring, not the child itself. I think we've all wandered down the path of picking at semantics at this point. :haha:


----------



## modified

XJessicaX said:


> modified said:
> 
> 
> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.
> 
> Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:Click to expand...

No, it won't. What I find rude now, I will still find rude then. Just as my mother, aunts, uncles, sister, brother, sister in law etc still do. Nice attempt at condescension though!

But yes, I called no child rude. I said _staring_ is rude. If people can't differentiate between their child and a behaviour, that's not my problem.


----------



## xolynn

This has gotten wayyy off topic. But throwing my opinion out there, I don't think a baby/toddler staring is rude....they are curious and don't know any better. Anyone who does think that it is a bit uptight I'd say...


----------



## modified

You're allowed your opinion as I'm allowed mine :thumbup: For what it's worth, I'm talking about children who are old enough to be told not to do something. A baby? Yeah... No.


----------



## jessicatunnel

modified said:


> You're allowed your opinion as I'm allowed mine :thumbup: For what it's worth, I'm talking about children who are old enough to be told not to do something. A baby? Yeah... No.

Curious, how old do you think that is?


----------



## modified

Does it matter? I'm sure you'll have a smart response at the ready! I don't have to explain myself - it is what it is. It's my opinion and I'm allowed it, like you're allowed yours.


----------



## xolynn

I was wondering the same lol...I can't see my 11 month old listening to commands to not do something for quite a while yet...eh to each their own though.


----------



## staralfur

Perhaps we should all just go back to agreeing that walking around a restaurant while eating a plate of food is weird.


----------



## Blizzard

For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.


----------



## shelx

Def not. A restaurant is a place to go to sit and eat food. I think to let your child walk around the restaurant is careless. What about the waiting staff trying to get around with hot food and drinks?


----------



## KatieB

Holy Shit. This is turning into a Baby Club thread.


----------



## lindseymw

For future reference:-

0-12months - ok to stare
12-24months - if poss stop staring...not ok to toddle around restaurant unsupervised/supervised
24-36 months - definately not ok to stare, ok to say hi if passing to loo, lobby etc but not ok to wander around restaurant aimlessly, stand at end of table, annoy other guests etc.
36months+ Same as above?

Any age - not ok for parent to follow child with plate of food.

Think I got everything?


----------



## Bevziibubble

Goodness me, being a parent is confusing! So many rules :rofl:


----------



## special_kala

I wouldnt walk around eith my food or let them walk around with theirs but the giros are allowed diwn from the tabke if ita not busy.


----------



## staralfur

special_kala said:


> I wouldnt walk around eith my food or let them walk around with theirs but the giros are allowed diwn from the tabke if ita not busy.

:rofl: 

I'm picturing a couple of gyros flopping all over the restaurant and wreaking havoc.


----------



## Shadowy Lady

lol, this thread had made Toddler and Pre-school sub-forum most interesting it's been in a long time :D

I think I jinxed my toddler. She's usually great at restaurants but yesterday so was soooo fussy at the chinese place we were eating at. I'm in "camp no walking and no staring at other ppl in a restaurant" so we ended up taking our food to go. 

You guys were right though; I have noticed in our fave Chinese restaurants the staff often wants to come and hold Sofia or bring her little toys and special plates...


----------



## caz_hills

I've not read everything so sorry as I see this is a long thread! I wouldn't walk round the restaurant with my son taking his or my food. If he refused to sit down and eat we would go! I take things to keep his attention in a restaurant - sticker books, books and some quiet small toys he can play with without annoying anyone too much.

I don't know what the staring question is but I haven't noticed my son staring at people so I can't comment x


----------



## Wriggley

Nope my boys are not allowed to just wander around a restaurant. My oldest wouldn't even consider getting off his seat to go for a wander. 

We are quite strict when it comes to eating my boys are not allowed to eat anything away from the table at home so the same applies when we are in a restaurant. They are also not allowed down from the table until everyone has finished.

We have always done this so they know no different

Having said that if a small child was wandering round a restaurant I wouldn't bat an eyelid If others are more relaxed about how they go about having a meal then that's fine that's how they do it but for us personally dinner time is a family thing we all sit and enjoy a meal together. No phones computers or TV as a distraction etc . . .


----------



## ronnie1234

XJessicaX said:


> modified said:
> 
> 
> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.
> 
> Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:Click to expand...

I agree and think modified should come back when LO a toddler and let us know how her meals out in restaurants go!

Enjoy your long lazy lunches while you can!!


----------



## Foogirl

Blizzard said:


> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.

Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.


----------



## XJessicaX

I am meant to be going out tomorrow!! My options are now sadly limited to straight jacketing the kids to a chair and asking them to wear sunglasses just in case they eyeball anyone. Actually, just in case sunglasses insufficient, better face them to the wall as well.

Sod it. Takeaway it is!


----------



## modified

ronnie1234 said:


> XJessicaX said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> modified said:
> 
> 
> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.
> 
> Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> I agree and think modified should come back when LO a toddler and let us know how her meals out in restaurants go!
> 
> Enjoy your long lazy lunches while you can!!Click to expand...

I think you should stop assuming you know anything about me and my experiences and get off your high horse :thumbup:


----------



## JASMAK

XJessicaX said:


> modified said:
> 
> 
> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.
> 
> Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:Click to expand...


Wow! Unbelievably rude response.


----------



## Tasha

It isn't fair to make those assumptions about modified, sure she might change her mind about kids staring when she has a toddler but then again she may not. No a twelve month old won't understand it's rude and so aren't being rude themselves but distraction can be use as a tool rather than saying don't stare at the ages they won't comprehend. I think from eighteen months I was using that sentence as well as distraction. What works for my kids may not work for yours though I get that but at the same time your thoughts on parenting won't be mine and just because you (generic you not anyone in particular) changed your opinions on staring or whatever doesn't mean everyone will.


----------



## Natsku

My 3 year old still doesn't understand that its rude to stare no matter how many times I try and explain it to her. The reasoning just escapes her.


----------



## Noodlebear

JASMAK said:


> XJessicaX said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> modified said:
> 
> 
> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.
> 
> Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Wow! Unbelievably rude response.Click to expand...

If I'm honest the posters replying like this made me laugh. Very rude. She shares the view of many parents here but it's easier to pick on someone and dismiss them than to respect their view and respond. Parent or not everyone goes out for food so everyone's opinion is valid.


----------



## Foogirl

Natsku said:


> My 3 year old still doesn't understand that its rude to stare no matter how many times I try and explain it to her. The reasoning just escapes her.

I'm willing to bet though, that you wouldn't just let her stand there and do it right in Abby's face though? There are plenty of things children don't understand but the answer isn't just to let them do it, keep reinforcing it and it will sink in eventually.


----------



## KittyVentura

Woah. Time warp. It's like baby club 2011 all over again.

We had an opposite problem this weekend. Admittedly only in the BHS cafe but the old biddies kept talking to and distracting the kids. Coming over and "boinging" Fin's curls and cooing over Mimi. My kids are trying to eat folks...Someone should really try and control their Grandmas...


----------



## KittyVentura

And it is pretty easy to stop stares without a fuss. If I notice either child is staring a quick "ooooh, what's this" while passing them anything does the trick


----------



## Blizzard

Foogirl said:


> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.
> 
> Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.Click to expand...

Well if course I don't let him just stare blankly at people for ages! If someone looks different he also doesn't tend to stare, but if he did I would try to explain why that person looked different.

This is a rather different situation to a child staring in a restaurant though, no? 

Children don't have the longest attention spans. If a young toddler is staring then they are curious and trying to figure something out. They are not trying to hurt your child! They are presumably trying to understand her and work out where she fits in their world view. 

Of course I will correct my toddler, but I'd rather he understood so staring wasn't necessary.


----------



## RachA

ronnie1234 said:


> XJessicaX said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> modified said:
> 
> 
> There's a difference between looking and staring. Staring _is_ rude. You can tell me to get a grip all you want, just don't expect me to respond to your child with a smile when she's staring intently at me as I'm trying to eat my meal and you ignore it.
> 
> Ah the blissful ignorance of pregnancy ;) Dont worry, we have all been there. It will change once you actually have a toddler. :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> I agree and think modified should come back when LO a toddler and let us know how her meals out in restaurants go!
> 
> Enjoy your long lazy lunches while you can!!Click to expand...



We'll as someone who is no longer pregnant and has two children passed the toddler stage I can 100% say that my expectations have not changed and therefore why would modified's? 

My children have played up while eating out so we have taken steps to help with that. Sometimes it's taking distractions, sometimes taking them outside and sometimes going home. And while DD was going through a particularly bad stage we just didn't eat out. 

My children have both stared and Esther than just letting them get on with it they've been told not to do so and been distracted. 

My 4 year old doesn't talk and he'd main method of opening contact with someone is to stars at them intently. I still don't let her keep doing though as it is excessively unnerving for the other person. 


Therefore just because someone doesn't have children doesn't mean they have no idea how to deal with things. 

I'm a firm believer in teaching children certain standards right from the word go as it's easier to teach them something if they haven't already got I to the habit of doing it differently. Think about the thread someone started about bike helmets-several people on that stated that it's best to put them in a helmet as early as possible rather than leaving it until they are on a proper bike because then that's all they have known. The same applies here-teach them to sit down for eating then it becomes second nature etc.


----------



## carbafe

I am surprised by how intolerant people are being espically as everyone has small children ! I don't let my DS run around crazy or screech and shout if we are out and we do make him sit and eat his meal but the fact is going out for dinner is boring for a toddler. You ask them what they want then they have to wait an unspecified time for it to come and usually for more than one course. We eat dinner at the table at home but that will take 20 mins max. I always try to take a small toy and we sometimes give him a phone depending cause as everyone knows small children are unpredictable ! Sometimes he will happily sit the whole time others he is fed up after 5mins. On Easter Sunday ds2 was a bit restless so my uncle took him for a wee walk around just for a change of scene. People either ignored them or smiled and chatted. If we are out and a kid is acting up I try to smile at the mum ( unless the are wrecking the place and they are just ignoring then) cause haven't we all been there when our little Darling has decided they no longer like pasta or the seat is to itchy or they just want to test your sanity today ! Don't make that mums life more stressful !!

O and my son is very chatty and will say Hi to everyone. If they engage with him he chats away if not he moves on. My husband was painfully shy as a kid and it is only now that he is getting over that and can chat with new people easily etc so I have no desire to curb my 3 year olds confidence. People do ignore him and that hurts his feelings but I say they are not feeling chatting today or they are busy. This wouldn't be people at the next table etc more when he is walking past people or they look at him etc. If a child spoke to me I would always speak back even just to say hello as what kind of world does that show them when people snub them for being friendly !


----------



## kit10grl

[ QUOTE=bumpbear;32465433]


MrsHedgehog said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> You know what, you're right. I was being totally self-centred. From now on I'll stop my daughter from talking to anybody in a restaurant just in case they don't like it. I had no idea it could be such a problem for some people.Click to expand...

Ha!

I will continue being self centered and keep allowing my child to say a simple hello to people if she wants to because I want her to grow up sociable and thinking it's not a nuisance for people to be friendly. When she's 30, hopefully she won't feel like her whole night's been ruined if a supervised 2 year old toddles by her table at a restaurant and waves at her.[/QUOTE]



Blizzard said:


> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.
> 
> Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.Click to expand...
> 
> Well if course I don't let him just stare blankly at people for ages! If someone looks different he also doesn't tend to stare, but if he did I would try to explain why that person looked different.
> 
> This is a rather different situation to a child staring in a restaurant though, no?
> 
> Children don't have the longest attention spans. If a young toddler is staring then they are curious and trying to figure something out. They are not trying to hurt your child! They are presumably trying to understand her and work out where she fits in their world view.
> 
> Of course I will correct my toddler, but I'd rather he understood so staring wasn't necessary.Click to expand...


In Foos situation though it is the same as being in a restaurant, or a bus or a street. When your child looks different they get stares all the time so it is the relevant here. 
And parents of children with special needs understand that the other child is usually not trying to hurt our children!d by staring but the fact remains our kids ARE hurt by the staring. Your child is just figuring out whats different about our child. And that reminds our kids that they are different. Just because your child doesn't mean harm doesn't mean IIT should be allowed to continue. We wish people understood too but staring is never necessary. My two year old is around a lot of differently abled children and a simple 'we don't stare at people let's look at this instead' is enough to distract him.



carbafe said:


> I am surprised by how intolerant people are being espically as everyone has small children ! I don't let my DS run around crazy or screech and shout if we are out and we do make him sit and eat his meal but the fact is going out for dinner is boring for a toddler. You ask them what they want then they have to wait an unspecified time for it to come and usually for more than one course. We eat dinner at the table at home but that will take 20 mins max. I always try to take a small toy and we sometimes give him a phone depending cause as everyone knows small children are unpredictable ! Sometimes he will happily sit the whole time others he is fed up after 5mins. On Easter Sunday ds2 was a bit restless so my uncle took him for a wee walk around just for a change of scene. People either ignored them or smiled and chatted. If we are out and a kid is acting up I try to smile at the mum ( unless the are wrecking the place and they are just ignoring then) cause haven't we all been there when our little Darling has decided they no longer like pasta or the seat is to itchy or they just want to test your sanity today ! Don't make that mums life more stressful !!
> 
> O and my son is very chatty and will say Hi to everyone. If they engage with him he chats away if not he moves on. My husband was painfully shy as a kid and it is only now that he is getting over that and can chat with new people easily etc so I have no desire to curb my 3 year olds confidence. People do ignore him and that hurts his feelings but I say they are not feeling chatting today or they are busy. This wouldn't be people at the next table etc more when he is walking past people or they look at him etc. If a child spoke to me I would always speak back even just to say hello as what kind of world does that show them when people snub them for being friendly !

That last bit is where the problem lies. If we ignore a child who tries to interact with us then we are seen as rude. But if we smile and say hi then that gives the parent/child the idea we want to interact with your child and then I get drawn into a longer. Encounter that I didn't want. Its unfair to judge people as rude because they don't respond and its not always as simple as oh they said hello so they wanted to talk either. I wouldn't be rude to a child and would smile and say hi as I would want others to do the same to my kids but I still don't want them to stop and chat to me. I'm not intolerant and I'm not a bad person I just like to be left alone by strangers


----------



## Natsku

Foogirl said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> My 3 year old still doesn't understand that its rude to stare no matter how many times I try and explain it to her. The reasoning just escapes her.
> 
> I'm willing to bet though, that you wouldn't just let her stand there and do it right in Abby's face though? There are plenty of things children don't understand but the answer isn't just to let them do it, keep reinforcing it and it will sink in eventually.Click to expand...

No, I just tell her to say hi and move on when she stares at people. She just doesn't understand why.


----------



## NoodleSnack

AnneD said:


> The only way bfing in public would be remotely comparable is if you walked around bfing, then pulled the child off at every table and stuck your tit into random people's faces while they dined peacefully. Or if you begged for their food. Let's face it, a woman bfing in public is highly unlikely to do either. I have had random toddlers begging for our food, trying to crawl under our chairs and tables or climb onto our chairs, pulling at our daughter's clothes. It's annoying beyond belief and yes I think it's appalling manners. But I've never had a woman bfing in public stick her tit in my face or beg for my food. If you want to compare, find a comparison that works.

I've never had a child stuck his face into my face, crawls under the table, climb on my chair, pulling at my clothe or beg food off of me. And I specifically stated: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner. So the comparison works for me. 

What puts the comparison in my mind in the first place was that I find the comments with regards to why people are bothered by a toddler walking in a restaurant are similiar to those against bf e.g. pay decent money to dine out, dinner gets ruined, it's only a short time, just don't go out etc. Not too long ago, in certain places, it's not out of the norm to think that bf in restaurant is rude, attitudes are changing towards bf in public so maybe it's easy to see anyone objecting as out of the norm/unreasonable. 





staralfur said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> At the risk of opening another can of worm: let say it's just a toddler walking and he doesn't bother anyone, and some people are still bothered by the sight and it "ruins" their dinner, take out the safety aspect, how is this different from the people who feel their dinner is "ruined" when they see someone bf?
> 
> Considering you keep telling people to read what you wrote, stop getting ahead of you, etc., you should probably take your own advice.
> 
> Not one person has said "oh the mere sight of a child at a restaurant ruins my meal." If they did, I'm sure they'd have pages upon pages of people disagreeing with _them_.
> 
> If there were a breastfeeding woman crouching down while making her way around the restaurant, able to trip a waitress or take someone out at the knees, then I would agree that's inappropriate... but not because she was breastfeeding.
> 
> If you want to do a comparison, then you would have to assume the breastfeeding mother and the child are actually doing the same thing. Breastfeeding mother wandering around and potentially getting in people's way like a small child, and stopping by tables, interrupting people's meals? Not appropriate. Again, totally unrelated to the act of breastfeeding, it's the "potentially getting in the way" and interrupting meals that poses an issue. A kid sitting quietly in their booth like a breastfeeding mother? Not an issue.
> 
> If someone's dinner is ruined by seeing a child not bothering anyone, then they're an asshole. But no one has said they're bothered by a child not disturbing anyone. :shrug:Click to expand...


There were a few posts which sound a lot like they are annoyed by the sight of children walking around in a restaurant. I won't point them out here given the stance in your post, but I'll pm the examples to you if you want prove. 





xSin said:


> This whole thread is laughable, really.
> 
> NoodleShack, did you even read the title you yourself gave this thread? It states really clearly "Do you let your toddler walk around the *RESTAURANT*. You are taking the replies to that, and trying to assume that it somehow is applicable to ALL other aspects of life and that people "never walk around and eat" -- And yet that isn't what was asked originally.
> 
> You asked why do you get funny looks? Because your behavior is incredibly ignorant and rude. That's why.
> 
> You then say "What you people never walk around and eat ever?" -- That wasn't the initial question. We aren't talking about popping to the corner store to grab a bag of chips. See above. You asked "Do you let your toddler walk around the RESTAURANT."

There were other posters saying they never walk and eat because it's bad manner and I find that extreme and commented on that. I think people need to read posts more carefully. 

As for the original question, it's still there. I have already addressed that in post #22 and again to another poster as clarification. Am I not allowed to comment on other stuff if I asked a question in the title or OP? 




> Absolutely, you're right -- Different settings call for different etiquette. YOU however, asked about ONE setting. I'll repeat since you seem confused. You asked about A RESTAURANT. The question was not about BF'ing in public it was not about taking your toddler to the bathroom in a restaurant, it was not about walking around at home, or a mall, you even suggested that you carry your food with you while you follow your toddler.

Again, the thread evolved and other comments were made and I made a comparison that I saw fit (or aren't that allowed either?).





> The carrying and eating of your own food, particularly blows my mind. For one, how can you be fully focused on your kid while you're trying to balance a plate/bowl of food, as well as eat it, as well as ensure that you all stay out of everyone's way?

It was easy, that's why I had time to notice other people too. 




> What are you supposed to do if your toddler DOES go up to someone else's table? Do you put your plate down on their table? How do you apologize for the disruption if your mouth is full of food?

I steered him away from tables with other people. End of story. 




> Why even GO to a restaurant, if you aren't going there to relax?


Why do you think I wasn't relaxed? We are not all the same, I get that other people are bothered by their children walking around, or other people staring, or the idea of walking and eating - but I'm not one of them. It's just normal to me. 




> If you are there with someone, what do they do? Eat on their own?

If it was someone I don't mind leaving sure. Or I just don't take my son out with someone I do mind leaving at the table alone. To me, it's all very simple and clear cut. 





> The part that really blows my mind IS the eating and walking, and specifically in (as you asked about) the restaurant setting. If my daughter slid off her chair and dashed off, I'd leave my plate of food there with my OH, go after her, and come back and resume eating when I got back.

Okay, but you're not me. What blows my mind is the idea of someone avoiding walking and eating their whole life and yours is the idea of someone walking and eating in a restaurant. You are entitled to this opinion as I am entitled to mine. Fair? 




> You asked "What do the funny looks mean?"
> You have 19 pages of replies, telling you what they mean.

And I heard it loud and clear. That isn't the same as I agree. I don't think I have to agree to something just because it is the popular opinion. You need to remember that those answering are from similiar cultures, so it's not unusual for most to feel the same way, if I'm from a different culture, then my view is going to be different, and it is. 






Foogirl said:


> Assuming you are in the UK, US, Canada, Australia (where all the comments on this thread have come from) these are not acceptable table manners. And your question was about the funny looks and there are several pages of people here telling you why. You can choose to stand your ground and say we are all wrong if you wish but now you know what those looks are about. Nobody here is saying you shouldn't do it, only letting you know what people will think about it. Since you asked and all.....

I didn't say anyone was wrong. I can disagree with someone and think they are entitled to their view. For all the people who called me rude and ignorant here, I haven't said anything because they are entitled to their view and it doesn't bother me what people think about me if I'm okay with myself. 

But that doesn't mean I can't point out why I think eating and walking (even in a restaurant) is okay, why I think a toddler walking around is not something to be bothered about etc. I don't expect anyone to accept it as correct just like I don't accept others' opinions if I don't feel it's reasonable. 




> Which I stated I never do. Why is it so hard to believe?

Because for me it's hard to imagine all the circumstances where it's normal to eat and walk and avoid all of it. 




> It is "out there" to you to believe there are people who do things differently to you?

The referred to behaviour (never eating and walking) is "out there" to me. Believing that there are people who do things differently to me is not. 




> And you also went on to berate people for not wanting children to bother them - which is actually what I was responding to.
> 
> Seriously, it seems bizzare to post a question asking why people were looking at you funny, to argue with anyone who answers the question, then to change your mind about what actually happened in the first place.

I don't think I berated anyone. Can you point how I did? 

There must be at least 50 posters answering the question, I answered a few and mostly to correct the misunderstanding in those posts so it's not true that "I argue with anyone who answers the question". And I have not changed my mind about what actually happened - I'm actually the best/only person to ask about what actually happened. Early on I clearly stated that I ensured he bothers no one. 






Noodlebear said:


> MarineWAG said:
> 
> 
> Noodlebear your name is too similar to the OPs lol.
> 
> I know :( not ideal on a thread like this lol!Click to expand...

There should be a smiley for: "I'm not the OP, shoot over there". :haha:


----------



## jd83

Wow, I see this thread took another turn over the weekend:wacko:

So in response the staring issue, I would say I find that rude as well if allowed to go on without trying to distract them. Obviously, they are little and curious, and are going to stare. Its rude on the parents part if they don't try to distract them. This is something I deal with EVERY time we are out with my older son, as he is a VERY curious boy who loves people. He loves to look around at everyone, loves to ask me questions about other people. I try to answer his questions as best I can, as I do think that's important for him to be learning about differences, but that even having differences we value everyone. But if it comes to the point of staring, I will always distract him with something else after telling him its not polite to stare at people.


----------



## _jellybean_

I do get uncomfortable when kids stare at me at restaurants.


----------



## Eleanor ace

While I wouldn't personally carry my food around a restraunt and I can see why the other diners were giving you odd looks, it isn't the end of the world to do so! Reading this thread has reminded me that we all do things differently and that people who let their child walk around a resteraunt or do other things I don't do have their reasons for doing so (some of them I hadn't really considered).
As long as you keep your LO out of harms way and out of other poples way (the waiting staff, diners who value their privacy) then how you enjoy your food isn't really too big a deal in the scheme of things!


----------



## Tasha

If you hands are full with a plate and a fork, then surely you are less able to react quickly should they be in harms way? I mean sometimes things happen in a split second and you wouldnt be able to react quick enough with nothing in your hands but with something in your hands the chances of that happening are greater, no?


----------



## NoodleSnack

aliss said:


> kit10grl said:
> 
> I feel this way because one of my children has special needs and is bloody hard work, I am in mum mode ALL the time if there is a rare occassion when i am child free and i can switch off then i want to be able to relax. If i am interracting with a child i feel that in some way at that moment i am responsible for that child. If they are talking to me and a waitress trips over them while they are talking to me with no parent in sight i would take charge of seeng if they were ok. Its that responsibility that i dont like and want to be free from in my childfree time. I dont need to rexamine this, or feel bad about it, i get very little time off and want to be able to relax. I dont ask others to understand it as unless you live in my situation then you wont get it, but i do ask that people respect it by not involving themselves in my conversations and in my space. Maybe others need to rexamine the possibility that because its not something that bothers them it is something that bothers some people and that is ok because everyones life is different and everyone is entitled to live their lives how they want
> 
> I agree with kit10grl.
> 
> I don't get most of you to really understand but when your life revolves around a disabled child and you get the 1/million chance to get a childfree break, it would spoil your night. We're not in the same boat as parents of "normal" kids who don't just want or trust babysitters, we're the kind of parents where you put up an honest ad for babysitting and they hang up the phone or preschools won't even entertain you past 2 sentences. I won't even get into how we can't even go a few nights without worrying about what the heck is going to happen to our (adult) kid when we die. It's a 24/7 thing and it never ends.
> 
> So, needless to say, no, obviously that isn't the fault on the parents of the cute little kid toddling around but seriously... just don't get uppity if we ignore your kid and are annoyed by it, that's all. Because I will. Does that make me a bitch? Probably. You'd be a bitch too if your life revolved around 1 or 2 measly 'escapes' at a cheap diner once a year.
> 
> Yes, I admit that is a very personal feeling but I know that many of us who deal with that particular issue of disabilities feel the same way. Just trying to show support for how she is feeling. I'm there too. I wouldn't voice it if it didn't come to this thread.Click to expand...


What is wrong with ignoring kids when you don't want to interact? Okay, some people think that's rude, but so what?


----------



## NoodleSnack

Tasha said:


> If you hands are full with a plate and a fork, then surely you are less able to react quickly should they be in harms way? I mean sometimes things happen in a split second and you wouldnt be able to react quick enough with nothing in your hands but with something in your hands the chances of that happening are greater, no?

We stayed away from where the people are. I don't see why waiters would be bringing food to area with no diners. 

As for catching him, I have caught him with my hands full of bags (and the occasional buns) when we are out walking, I have to be very fast.


----------



## babyblog

No. .I think it's important they learn from any early age how to behave appropriately in certain places.we couldn't enjoy our meal if we were wandering around after them so I wouldn't see the point in paying to go out if we did that!


----------



## BigAl

I'm sure this thread has reached the point of needing a limerick or two.


----------



## NoodleSnack

Noodlebear said:


> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.


See this is what brings bf to my mind. People say "Why should I not bf in public?" "People should be more open-minded...", do you see that as self-centred? I would think most people here don't? 

But I do think people should be more self-centred - as in "you mind your business, I mind mine". If someone doesn't want to interact with children, I think they should feel comfortable ignoring/pretending not to see them. If someone want to walk their kids around unobstructively, they should feel comfortable doing that. :shrug:


----------



## jd83

NoodleSnack said:


> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> 
> See this is what brings bf to my mind. People say "Why should I not bf in public?" "People should be more open-minded...", do you see that as self-centred? I would think most people here don't?
> 
> But I do think people should be more self-centre - as in "you mind your business, I mind mine". If someone doesn't want to interact with children, I think they should feel comfortable ignoring/pretending not to see them. If someone want to walk their kids around unobstructively, they should feel comfortable doing that. :shrug:Click to expand...

I don't see it as the same argument because if you breastfeed, the alternative to feeding your baby is to let your baby starve, which is not okay. Feeding your baby when your baby is hungry is addressing the baby's basic needs. Its not the same as allowing your child to get up from the table and roam around, although I do see that you have now further explained that you took your child to an unpopulated area out of the way of wait staff. That wouldn't be as much of an issue to me as being right in the way of them coming through with their trays, etc. Still not what I would do with my kids, but if its out of the way of everyone, including the staff there, fine. I still stand by my opinion that I wouldn't be carrying me meal around eating while following my child around though, for the same reason I mentioned before. Its a choking hazard. I try not to do it whenever possible. Yes, I have done it, but I try not to when possible.


----------



## NoodleSnack

TryinFor1 said:


> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that *but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened.* Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!

I'm an adult and I need to walk around on a 10 hours flight or my legs get numb. I don't think it's fair to judge her because someone choose to assault a child. If he hits me while I was walking, I don't think it's fair to say why would an adult be walking on a plane without considering her surrounding etc?


----------



## NoodleSnack

jd83 said:


> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> 
> See this is what brings bf to my mind. People say "Why should I not bf in public?" "People should be more open-minded...", do you see that as self-centred? I would think most people here don't?
> 
> But I do think people should be more self-centre - as in "you mind your business, I mind mine". If someone doesn't want to interact with children, I think they should feel comfortable ignoring/pretending not to see them. If someone want to walk their kids around unobstructively, they should feel comfortable doing that. :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> I don't see it as the same argument because if you breastfeed, the alternative to feeding your baby is to let your baby starve, which is not okay. Feeding your baby when your baby is hungry is addressing the baby's basic needs. Its not the same as allowing your child to get up from the table and roam around, although I do see that you have now further explained that you took your child to an unpopulated area out of the way of wait staff. That wouldn't be as much of an issue to me as being right in the way of them coming through with their trays, etc. Still not what I would do with my kids, but if its out of the way of everyone, including the staff there, fine. I still stand by my opinion that I wouldn't be carrying me meal around eating while following my child around though, for the same reason I mentioned before. Its a choking hazard. I try not to do it whenever possible. Yes, I have done it, but I try not to when possible.Click to expand...


What about when people say: why not just don't go out until they're weaned? Use a cover? Go to the bathroom, car, etc?

But to me, the similarity is the idea that it's rude/bothers other people therefore it should be stopped for other people's sake. I come from a culture where children walking around in a restaurant is normal, but bf in public is not always accepted, so it's easy for me to see the other side of both. My answer is: both are okay as long as it doesn't violate anyone's physical space.


----------



## Loui1001

I really don't see the need to bring bf'ing into this. To me they are two completely different scenarios and aren't comparable. Material for a whole new thread if you want to go there


----------



## TryinFor1

NoodleSnack said:


> TryinFor1 said:
> 
> 
> My grandma was actually telling me about this woman that was on a long flight and let her toddler walk up and down the isles and someone got so frustrated at the toddler that he smacked him. The woman went ape shit, as I would have. What he did was very very wrong and not ok at all. I don't know how disruptive the kid was actually being but its just important to take others into consideration because some people truly just do not like kids bothering them. that's obviously an extreme case and that was awful of him to think he could do that *but the woman wasn't considering her surroundings and other people and that's what happened.* Just gotta be careful because you don't know who your kids are interacting with. I know its a different setting completely and people are much much closer together and stuck in those areas for a long amount of time but still.. most people wouldn't dream of doing this and I am sure most would just smile back but you just never know.
> 
> I would have jumped on the man had I been on the flight. Even if the kid he smacked wasn't mine. That's just.... No!
> 
> I'm an adult and I need to walk around on a 10 hours flight or my legs get numb. I don't think it's fair to judge her because someone choose to assault a child. If he hits me while I was walking, I don't think it's fair to say why would an adult be walking on a plane without considering her surrounding etc?Click to expand...

I doubt the guy just reached out and smacked him the first time he walked by. An adult wouldn't be walking up and down a plane like a toddler and as this thread has showed, some toddlers are curious and like to stare. Maybe that was going on, I don't know. Adults can hold their own better than a child, and keep to themselves better than a child, and will not be continuously walking or running or whatever up and down a plane multiple times in a row. and I just can't imagine someone smacking a kid because he walked by a couple times like most adults would. I would never expect anyone to sit still on a long flight that would be painful. But I just don't think the comparison between adults and kids works. They are two totally different states of being especially in situations like this. Adults know.boundaries and toddlers don't.

As for judging her, I didn't feel like that was a judgement more than an assumption that may or may not be true. I can see how you could see that I guess but that isn't what I was doing. Someone got so mad they smacked her kid, and she didn't see that coming. I just doubt that the guy looked completely calm and smiled at the kid and then smacked him. Its usually pretty obvious when someone is that upset by someone's behavior. But again, wasn't there. I have no idea. Sorry it came across as a judgement but I certainly wasn't trying to judge her more than say that you just have to be extremely aware of what's going on around you and the impact your kids are having on other people. The point has nothing to do with her. Maybe she was being extremely careful. Maybe her kids were just walking, I just don't know because she saw it on the news. It would just blow my mind if someone really hit another kid by just walking around, I guess.


----------



## AngelofTroy

BigAl said:


> I'm sure this thread has reached the point of needing a limerick or two.

A family went out for some pasta
They ate quick but the toddler was faster
So off he went for a roam
Others said they should have gone home
But Mum followed him to avoid a disaster

It's true that she got funny looks
From fellow diners, waiters and cooks
But she took their pouting 
Over screaming and shouting
Not all toddlers will sit still with books!


----------



## Bevziibubble

AngelofTroy said:


> BigAl said:
> 
> 
> I'm sure this thread has reached the point of needing a limerick or two.
> 
> A family went out for some pasta
> They ate quick but the toddler was faster
> So off he went for a roam
> Others said they should have gone home
> But Mum followed him to avoid a disaster
> 
> It's true that she got funny looks
> From fellow diners, waiters and cooks
> But she took their pouting
> Over screaming and shouting
> Not all toddlers will sit still with books!Click to expand...

Love it! :rofl:


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## MrsPear

I wish I could think of a ditty
To say something clever and witty
A toddler was staring
But now I'm past caring
The rest of this thread isn't pretty.

Some people don't walk with their food
They think it's a hazard and rude
Their toddlers sit still
Till they've settled the bill
If yours doesn't you're basically screwed.


----------



## MrsPear

At restaurants it doesn't seem fair
To bother the other folk there
With children exploring
Who wander the flooring
They ought to be kept in their chair.


----------



## Natsku

Limericks improve threads 1000% 
FACT


----------



## Bevziibubble

Loving the return of the limericks! :dance:


----------



## Foogirl

Blizzard said:


> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.
> 
> Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.Click to expand...
> 
> Well if course I don't let him just stare blankly at people for ages! If someone looks different he also doesn't tend to stare, but if he did I would try to explain why that person looked different.
> 
> This is a rather different situation to a child staring in a restaurant though, no?
> 
> Children don't have the longest attention spans. If a young toddler is staring then they are curious and trying to figure something out. They are not trying to hurt your child! They are presumably trying to understand her and work out where she fits in their world view.
> 
> Of course I will correct my toddler, but I'd rather he understood so staring wasn't necessary.Click to expand...

It doesn't matter if it's intentional or not. It hurts her. I keep being told I'm supposed to be considerate of ther people's children just being children, but mine is supposed to just suck it up is she? She doesn't draw a distinction between toddler gawpers, bigger kid gawpers and adult gawpers, they are all just making her feel very uncomfortable. She isn't something to be understood. She is a five year old with emotions who becomes more aware every day that she is different from everyone else. If a toddler wants to "figure her out" it's up to the parents to talk to that kid and help him understand because staring open mouthed at her sure as hell isn't going to do it. And frankly no, it makes no difference if they are right there or across the room, she still feels it.


----------



## Tasha

:hugs: Foo, it must be really hard for your A.


----------



## bumpbear

Foogirl said:


> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.
> 
> Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.Click to expand...
> 
> Well if course I don't let him just stare blankly at people for ages! If someone looks different he also doesn't tend to stare, but if he did I would try to explain why that person looked different.
> 
> This is a rather different situation to a child staring in a restaurant though, no?
> 
> Children don't have the longest attention spans. If a young toddler is staring then they are curious and trying to figure something out. They are not trying to hurt your child! They are presumably trying to understand her and work out where she fits in their world view.
> 
> Of course I will correct my toddler, but I'd rather he understood so staring wasn't necessary.Click to expand...
> 
> It doesn't matter if it's intentional or not. It hurts her. I keep being told I'm supposed to be considerate of ther people's children just being children, but mine is supposed to just suck it up is she? She doesn't draw a distinction between toddler gawpers, bigger kid gawpers and adult gawpers, they are all just making her feel very uncomfortable. She isn't something to be understood. She is a five year old with emotions who becomes more aware every day that she is different from everyone else. If a toddler wants to "figure her out" it's up to the parents to talk to that kid and help him understand because staring open mouthed at her sure as hell isn't going to do it. And frankly no, it makes no difference if they are right there or across the room, she still feels it.Click to expand...

It's hard to guess what to do in those situations.

My friend's child has muscular distrophy and uses a wheelchair. She hates when children are told to look away and prefers to say hi.

I can also see why your child hates being used as 'the teaching moment' too.

It must be really hard for both of you.


----------



## Wriggley

When I wrote my originally reply I didn't realise you meant that you followed him around with your plate of food 

I'm response to that yeah I probably would have given you a funny look. .. not to intently be rude or judgey burn purely because I have never ever seen someone do that before and I would be thinking that's a little strange why come to a restaurant type of thing

I'm not saying your wrong but I just don't understand doing that


----------



## JASMAK

NoodleSnack said:


> jd83 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> NoodleSnack said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Noodlebear said:
> 
> 
> Seems to me that those who believe it's ok are those who have given entirely self centered answers, not in a horrible way of course but literally - answers that center around them. Attitudes like - 'Why should I stop my child talking to someone?' 'People should be more accepting....' And the majority of those who are against have based their answers on safety, teaching table manners or just being respectful of other diners. I find that interesting.
> 
> 
> See this is what brings bf to my mind. People say "Why should I not bf in public?" "People should be more open-minded...", do you see that as self-centred? I would think most people here don't?
> 
> But I do think people should be more self-centre - as in "you mind your business, I mind mine". If someone doesn't want to interact with children, I think they should feel comfortable ignoring/pretending not to see them. If someone want to walk their kids around unobstructively, they should feel comfortable doing that. :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> I don't see it as the same argument because if you breastfeed, the alternative to feeding your baby is to let your baby starve, which is not okay. Feeding your baby when your baby is hungry is addressing the baby's basic needs. Its not the same as allowing your child to get up from the table and roam around, although I do see that you have now further explained that you took your child to an unpopulated area out of the way of wait staff. That wouldn't be as much of an issue to me as being right in the way of them coming through with their trays, etc. Still not what I would do with my kids, but if its out of the way of everyone, including the staff there, fine. I still stand by my opinion that I wouldn't be carrying me meal around eating while following my child around though, for the same reason I mentioned before. Its a choking hazard. I try not to do it whenever possible. Yes, I have done it, but I try not to when possible.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> What about when people say: why not just don't go out until they're weaned? Use a cover? Go to the bathroom, car, etc?
> 
> But to me, the similarity is the idea that it's rude/bothers other people therefore it should be stopped for other people's sake. I come from a culture where children walking around in a restaurant is normal, but bf in public is not always accepted, so it's easy for me to see the other side of both. My answer is: both are okay as long as it doesn't violate anyone's physical space.Click to expand...

Food is a human right. Roaming restaurants is not.


----------



## Foogirl

bumpbear said:


> It's hard to guess what to do in those situations.
> 
> My friend's child has muscular distrophy and uses a wheelchair. She hates when children are told to look away and prefers to say hi.
> 
> I can also see why your child hates being used as 'the teaching moment' too.
> 
> It must be really hard for both of you.

It is a tough choice for sure. I've tried saying hi and sometimes it works and we answer questions, but most often they just ignore me and stand and stare. It would be most polite if the parent would simply acknowledge us with a hello and guide the child away.


----------



## JASMAK

Foogirl said:


> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.
> 
> Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.Click to expand...
> 
> Well if course I don't let him just stare blankly at people for ages! If someone looks different he also doesn't tend to stare, but if he did I would try to explain why that person looked different.
> 
> This is a rather different situation to a child staring in a restaurant though, no?
> 
> Children don't have the longest attention spans. If a young toddler is staring then they are curious and trying to figure something out. They are not trying to hurt your child! They are presumably trying to understand her and work out where she fits in their world view.
> 
> Of course I will correct my toddler, but I'd rather he understood so staring wasn't necessary.Click to expand...
> 
> It doesn't matter if it's intentional or not. It hurts her. I keep being told I'm supposed to be considerate of ther people's children just being children, but mine is supposed to just suck it up is she? She doesn't draw a distinction between toddler gawpers, bigger kid gawpers and adult gawpers, they are all just making her feel very uncomfortable. She isn't something to be understood. She is a five year old with emotions who becomes more aware every day that she is different from everyone else. If a toddler wants to "figure her out" it's up to the parents to talk to that kid and help him understand because staring open mouthed at her sure as hell isn't going to do it. And frankly no, it makes no difference if they are right there or across the room, she still feels it.Click to expand...


I agree! And, distracting a child who doesn't understand how or why it is rude, is so easy anyways! A baby wouldn't notice anyways, but if my 3 year old was staring, I would distract. Or even change seats (to the other side of the table). I really don't see why its so hard to at least try to prevent your toddler from staring. 

Now, if I could only get my 3 year old to stop giving the waitress personal info! She also says the most embarrassing things! Last time she told the waiter that 'mommy was mad at daddy but we came for dinner anyways'


----------



## RachA

JASMAK said:


> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Foogirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blizzard said:
> 
> 
> For the record, if I told my almost two year old not to stare he would be baffled. It's not rude! He's curious. Wave and try to get over it.
> 
> Try telling my five year old with cerebral palsy the two year old standing inches from her, staring open mouthed is just curious. I do explain to her younger children just don't know better, and she gets it, but she still hates it. As an adult our job is to guide our children. When Abby stared at that age, a simple "Abby don't stare please" followed by a distraction was adequate to spare the feelings of others. I spend my life wishing adults would realise how their children are hurting mine and step in.Click to expand...
> 
> Well if course I don't let him just stare blankly at people for ages! If someone looks different he also doesn't tend to stare, but if he did I would try to explain why that person looked different.
> 
> This is a rather different situation to a child staring in a restaurant though, no?
> 
> Children don't have the longest attention spans. If a young toddler is staring then they are curious and trying to figure something out. They are not trying to hurt your child! They are presumably trying to understand her and work out where she fits in their world view.
> 
> Of course I will correct my toddler, but I'd rather he understood so staring wasn't necessary.Click to expand...
> 
> It doesn't matter if it's intentional or not. It hurts her. I keep being told I'm supposed to be considerate of ther people's children just being children, but mine is supposed to just suck it up is she? She doesn't draw a distinction between toddler gawpers, bigger kid gawpers and adult gawpers, they are all just making her feel very uncomfortable. She isn't something to be understood. She is a five year old with emotions who becomes more aware every day that she is different from everyone else. If a toddler wants to "figure her out" it's up to the parents to talk to that kid and help him understand because staring open mouthed at her sure as hell isn't going to do it. And frankly no, it makes no difference if they are right there or across the room, she still feels it.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I agree! And, distracting a child who doesn't understand how or why it is rude, is so easy anyways! A baby wouldn't notice anyways, but if my 3 year old was staring, I would distract. Or even change seats (to the other side of the table). I really don't see why its so hard to at least try to prevent your toddler from staring.
> 
> Now, if I could only get my 3 year old to stop giving the waitress personal info! She also says the most embarrassing things! Last time she told the waiter that 'mommy was mad at daddy but we came for dinner anyways'Click to expand...


I agree-you don't need to actually explain in great depth to a young child why it's rude to stare-distracting them is fairly easy. 


Jasmak - :haha: at your daughter oversharing.


----------



## Foogirl

JASMAK said:


> Now, if I could only get my 3 year old to stop giving the waitress personal info! She also says the most embarrassing things! Last time she told the waiter that 'mommy was mad at daddy but we came for dinner anyways'

:rofl:

When Abby was 3 she was sitting on my knee in a restaurant as we ordered our food. I asked her to stop pulling at my shirt because nobody wants to see my boobies. She responded in the crystal clear voice 3 year olds have "daddy wants to see your boobies" :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Foogirl said:


> JASMAK said:
> 
> 
> Now, if I could only get my 3 year old to stop giving the waitress personal info! She also says the most embarrassing things! Last time she told the waiter that 'mommy was mad at daddy but we came for dinner anyways'
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> When Abby was 3 she was sitting on my knee in a restaurant as we ordered our food. I asked her to stop pulling at my shirt because nobody wants to see my boobies. She responded in the crystal clear voice 3 year olds have "daddy wants to see your boobies" :haha:Click to expand...

:rofl: they're just too smart for their own good! !!!


----------



## RachA

That's just brilliant Foogirl :)


----------



## jd83

I was looking for a different, unrelated article to this topic on MSN that I had read yesterday for another thread, and saw this one....lol. Oh boy. She was a bit more extreme than most of us, saying you should take the kid and go if they can't sit quietly for a meal out, rather than just taking them outside to calm them down.

https://living.msn.com/family-parenting/raising-kids/why-toddlers-and-restaurants-dont-mix


----------



## _jellybean_

Jd, interesting article. I do think that if you baby/toddler is acting up, you should take them outside, or leave. Take them out at least though until they've calmed down enough to sit for a bit. Dh and I tried to take both of ours out to a diner a while ago, and it was way too much, so we left.


----------



## jd83

_jellybean_ said:


> Jd, interesting article. I do think that if you baby/toddler is acting up, you should take them outside, or leave. Take them out at least though until they've calmed down enough to sit for a bit. Dh and I tried to take both of ours out to a diner a while ago, and it was way too much, so we left.

That's what we do too, usually try to take them to lobby or outside to calm them down if other distractions aren't working. I can't imagine just up and leaving without first trying to calm them down though! If we had tried that, and they were STILL tantruming like crazy, yeah, meal would probably we over.


----------



## RachA

Obviously you don't know the exact situation but from what the blogger wrote it sounded like the child was just screaming etc for the whole time they were there and nothing was done about it. I think a lot of people would be frustrated in that situation and i honestly don't know how a parent could concentrate talking to their friends if their child was like that.
I think the vast majority of people would try their hardest to distract the child and if it wasn't working take them out to calm them down.
We have been in a situation like this with DD - she never been overly fond of food so if she was in a screaming mood then the arrival of food wouldn't stop her and nothing you did would distract her for more than a min or so at a time. We ate an unbelievably fast meal and got out as soon as possible. I was stressed, OH was stressed and DS was more than put out that he didn't get pudding because DD had been a pain. We learnt from that experience that it wasn't worth taking DD out for a meal as she would just scream and shout regardless of what we did. She did the same at home too but obviously that would only disturb us. Once she settled down at home we took her out again and she's been fine since.


----------

