# TTC = public knowledge or a secret kept...?



## sumatwsimit

Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?

Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.

How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?


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## Macwooly

DH & I stupidly mentioned it back in 2009 when we tried and every time we met friends or family of his they would ask and then somehow make me feel like a failure that I wasn't pregnant. So when we had a break we told people to get off our cases and children weren't in our future as we truly believed that then.

So this time round the lovely members of B&B know we're TTC and one of DH's friends who will be a godfather is suspicious but he is so discrete and trustworthy we know he won't say anything :)

And we've agreed when I get my BFP then apart from announcing it on this site we will only tell our mothers and swear them to secrecy and that is in case the worst happens as I will need my mum's support and I know DH wants his mum to know. 

But my FIL is liable to tell people without thinking and we know my SILs couldn't keep a secret if their lives depended on it! To be honest BIL and my brothers will be happy for us but won't understand all the fuss so not telling them for a while won't be an issue.

Then once past 12 weeks and scans have been done we will decide who we tell them but once members of DH's family know it will become common knowledge immediately :growlmad:

I can understand how you would feel if your TTC became office gossip I would be mortified with DH if he was discussing out TTC with anyone other than me or our GP.


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## Jax41

Blimey around the office? Nooooo way pedro! My DH won't mention it to anyone seeing as he's NTNP while I'm TTC :haha: No-one at my work know's, just not comfy with that one but my Mum knows and my girlfriends who are all willing me on to be a mum so then can be 'honoury aunties'!!!!

:dust::dust::dust:


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## sumatwsimit

Macwooly said:


> DH & I stupidly mentioned it back in 2009 when we tried and every time we met friends or family of his they would ask and then somehow make me feel like a failure that I wasn't pregnant. So when we had a break we told people to get off our cases and children weren't in our future as we truly believed that then.
> 
> So this time round the lovely members of B&B know we're TTC and one of DH's friends who will be a godfather is suspicious but he is so discrete and trustworthy we know he won't say anything :)
> .

Good for you telling them to get off your case and that you'd decided children were not going to be on the agenda. I think you do right by keeping it to yourselves this time. You know, that is exactly my fear too, I think that if I start to tell people then I'll feel the pressure is on every time someone asks me. I really don't want that. Plus, I have 3 sisters...all with children...whom all claim to have fallen pregnant on their first goes and that they are SUPER FERTILE!!! Bully for them, but sorry, having a child for me is not a competition and when and how many tries I take is not open for discussion. I am very close to my sisters and love them to bits but it is sad case that that is how I would feel discussing it with them.


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## sumatwsimit

Jax41 said:


> Blimey around the office? Nooooo way pedro! My DH won't mention it to anyone seeing as he's NTNP while I'm TTC :haha: No-one at my work know's, just not comfy with that one but my Mum knows and my girlfriends who are all willing me on to be a mum so then can be 'honoury aunties'!!!!
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:

Yeah, can you imagine. Apparently he had just come off the phone from speaking to his wife and openly said ( in an open office full of guys) that she'd just told me it didn't work for them this month. Shocking huh!


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## Jax41

sumatwsimit said:


> Jax41 said:
> 
> 
> Blimey around the office? Nooooo way pedro! My DH won't mention it to anyone seeing as he's NTNP while I'm TTC :haha: No-one at my work know's, just not comfy with that one but my Mum knows and my girlfriends who are all willing me on to be a mum so then can be 'honoury aunties'!!!!
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> Yeah, can you imagine. Apparently he had just come off the phone from speaking to his wife and openly said ( in an open office full of guys) that she'd just told me it didn't work for them this month. Shocking huh!Click to expand...

Bad man, his poor wife prob doesn't even know what he said!!!:growlmad:

Just read your other post sumat about your sisters being SUPER FERTILE and getting preg on their first go. I don't necessarily agree with people professing this, I reckon they just got lucky with the timing:winkwink:that's all. You're right though, it's so sad that you feel this kind of pressure from your sisters and unable to talk to them - we'll be your TTC sisters instead:flower:xXx


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## sarahincanada

we are self employed so dont have the office thing, but I havent told many people as I dont want everyone waiting along with me every month to see if it worked....that would be waaaaaayyyy more stressful than it already is. Just a couple of great friends and my sister know. Its harder to keep it a secret though as I am getting older, will be 39 this year. My mum has asked a few times and my MIL is dropping a couple of hints. I dont like lying so its hard to know what to say when they say something. I usually tell them Im waiting to lose some weight first, they know I have gained 30 pounds and want to lose it, so that usually stops them asking :thumbup:


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## Cui

We decided not to tell anyone. Which can be hard as my dad lives with us and he sees me leave early in the morning when I go to get US/BW done. Which can be several times a week.

It also makes it fun trying to intercept any mail that comes that might have some stupid baby clinic logo on it.(I HATE that they send mail with a stupid baby and the clinic name completely spelled out. I want to ask them to mail things to me in plain white envelopes.:haha:
At least when I order OPk's and Preg strips online they send them to me in an envelope with nothing on it that would give you any idea what it was.

It's not so much that I care that my dad knows as that I'm afraid he will slip up and tell my brother and SIL who I can't stand.
I get asked when we are going to have kids and I just say not yet.


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## Indigo77

My 2 sisters, brother, and BIL know, but that's about it...They know better than to constantly ask about it and are respectful of boundaries for the most part...My mother probably knows, but not from me...I think my FIL and MIL guessed when i left my job, but they have not heard it from us....My MIL kept making comments about us having family around for support for the first time, since they bought their home here....


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## zehava

a few friends know. well, that's how it started and that's how we wanted it. until one of those "friends" made it gossip. i told her in confidence, i made darn sure to say "please keep this to yourself", but she turned around an talked. and not just talked, but made it seem like the worst idea of all time. "she already has two kids who aren't with her, she shouldn't even think about having another." (my kids live with their dad. i've learned, the hard way, that in this day and age a lot of people still automatically assume something negative if the kids aren't with the mom after a break up).

so, really, i have no idea who knows and who doesn't anymore. :/


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## Redclaire

Fot the first few months of ttc we told nobody and just had fun with all the BD!!! But over the months as its moved from natural to medical i've told a few more people, sisters and friends cos i'm a chatterbox really and i like to talk out my worries!! The only people who have no idea in my circle are the girls at work. With them i blatently lie...say i'm too young to be a grown up with a baby etc!!!
My partner has told one friend who is ttc too, his wife had chemo and they are in the ivf process now after many months of other treatments. My Oh hasn't even told his grown up kids that we are trying, never mind doing iui. And i like that!! I don't want to 'ask permission' know what i mean?? Ok say one of his kids is mad that he's starting a 2nd family???? That it would change his feelings about our ttc?? I've asked him to only tell them when i'm 12wks (whenever that might be!!) so that its a fait accompli !!


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## Shelley71

My close friends at work know, and one other of my friends. OH doesn't talk about these kinds of things, so I know he hasn't said anything. Our families do not know, and I think we both want to keep it that way. Especially since it looks like we will have trouble. We don't get any pressure though. 

Well, except from my grandmother who thinks we are going to get married and then have kids. She's going to freak when I finally tell her we do not want to get married. Ugh, I dread that convo! LOL


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## Indigo77

Why don't u want to get married? Just curious...


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## Shelley71

We just don't see any need for it. All it does is change my last name, really. Our life together wouldn't be any different other than that.


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## Indigo77

Shelley71 said:


> We just don't see any need for it. All it does is change my last name, really. Our life together wouldn't be any different other than that.


Yeah, i didn't see the point, either.....but it was important to my hubby...so we did....we were together 9 years before actually getting married...i did not bother changing my name....seemed like a PITA, but if we have a kid, he wants me to consider it....


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## Indigo77

I definitely think it's smarter not to tell anyone....but my siblings actually asked....and i did not want to lie about it....


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## Shelley71

Yeah, the ONLY thing about it that we will have to figure out is our child's last name. I do NOT want to have a different last name than my kid, but I know he'll want him/her to have his last name. Our only option really is to hyphenate his/her name, which I'm totally fine with. :)


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## NorthStar

Have told one of my oldest friends who is also 35+TTC, accidentally blabbed to my bestie that we were considering it and she was soooo negative about it (she had her first baby last year, rushed into it before they were emtionally/financially ready and has been a bit up and down since).

So I feel like I can't talk to her now about it :-( as for my parents I don't want to get their grandchild hopes up before I know if it's a possibility, and everyone else it's none of their business.

My OH's family are all super fertile and got knocked up in their teens/twenties accidentally, I don't expect them to really understand, and I'm not willing to talk about this private kind of stuff with them.

My BnB pals though - you ladies are the best, it is a great support network - I don't need anyone else.


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## future_numan

Secret for us


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## cebethel

Sometimes I want to tell everyone..........just because I am sick of hearing all the time from my MIL how DH & I are not to have any other children :nope:


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## dachsundmom

Indigo77 said:


> Shelley71 said:
> 
> 
> We just don't see any need for it. All it does is change my last name, really. Our life together wouldn't be any different other than that.
> 
> 
> Yeah, i didn't see the point, either.....but it was important to my hubby...so we did....we were together 9 years before actually getting married...i did not bother changing my name....seemed like a PITA, but if we have a kid, he wants me to consider it....Click to expand...

I never changed my name either; I came into the world with this one and I am leaving it the same way. Ii want to hyphenate our LO's name but DH said no, hellz no actually! :growlmad:


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## dachsundmom

cebethel said:


> Sometimes I want to tell everyone..........just because I am sick of hearing all the time from my MIL how DH & I are not to have any other children :nope:

I don't like her! :growlmad:

We haven't told anyone because we are afraid Porkchop will try and eat our young, lol :wacko:


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## cebethel

Porkchop will be the guard dog :haha:


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## Indigo77

cebethel said:


> Sometimes I want to tell everyone..........just because I am sick of hearing all the time from my MIL how DH & I are not to have any other children :nope:

Just tell HER...Show her your charts...Let her see your bbt....:growlmad:


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## cebethel

I kind of think she says that because she blames me for DS premature birth. DH said that we should talk to her about it, but I don't think I can. Both of my parents are gone & the only family members that talk to me live in New Zealand. I feel that if I speak up that it may pizz her off & she'll ignore us. I couldn't do that to DH & DS :(
They are all I have here in the US.


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## Indigo77

Why the hell does she blame you?....
Your DH should talk to her and leave you out of it...imo....


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## Macwooly

Indigo77 said:


> Why the hell does she blame you?....
> Your DH should talk to her and leave you out of it...imo....

I agree. You shouldn't be blamed for it :hugs:


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## Shelley71

dachsundmom said:


> I want to hyphenate our LO's name but DH said no, hellz no actually! :growlmad:


I figure I'll get that same reaction, but I'm not giving in. He has no more right to having only his last name than I do. So, I'm not budging. It's either that or my name only. But, we aren't married either, so it's a slightly different situation.


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## Milty

mums the word!


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## dachsundmom

Shelley71 said:


> dachsundmom said:
> 
> 
> I want to hyphenate our LO's name but DH said no, hellz no actually! :growlmad:
> 
> 
> I figure I'll get that same reaction, but I'm not giving in. He has no more right to having only his last name than I do. So, I'm not budging. It's either that or my name only. But, we aren't married either, so it's a slightly different situation.Click to expand...

I have no intention on giving up on this one; there is no rule that says I have to, lol. :happydance:


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## Shelley71

dachsundmom said:


> Shelley71 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dachsundmom said:
> 
> 
> I want to hyphenate our LO's name but DH said no, hellz no actually! :growlmad:
> 
> 
> I figure I'll get that same reaction, but I'm not giving in. He has no more right to having only his last name than I do. So, I'm not budging. It's either that or my name only. But, we aren't married either, so it's a slightly different situation.Click to expand...
> 
> I have no intention on giving up on this one; there is no rule that says I have to, lol. :happydance:Click to expand...

Good for you! We will stick to our guns!:gun:


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## dachsundmom

I figure this is pretty much how it's going to be unless my DH grows a uterus! :thumbup:


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## Shelley71

dachsundmom said:


> I figure this is pretty much how it's going to be unless my DH grows a uterus! :thumbup:

Hahahahahaa! OMG, I so using that.


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## Jodes2011

sumatwsimit said:


> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?

Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxx


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## Macwooly

Jodes2011 said:


> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?
> 
> Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxxClick to expand...

It drive me nuts that people think there is a limit to how many children you can have :growlmad: If you are providing for them and caring for them then it is no one's business!


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## Jodes2011

Macwooly said:


> Jodes2011 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?
> 
> Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxxClick to expand...
> 
> It drive me nuts that people think there is a limit to how many children you can have :growlmad: If you are providing for them and caring for them then it is no one's business!Click to expand...

I completely agree with you! This will be our last one and i want a nice relaxing pregnancy without any negative comments. They have our best interests but sometimes they need to keep quiet! :growlmad: J xx


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## sumatwsimit

Jodes2011 said:


> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?
> 
> Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxxClick to expand...

Hey, i see you're blessed with bitchy sisters in law...me too. unfortunately for me she speaks perfect english which is a pain in the ass...she never shuts up!your sils, its none of their business so you're right to keep them in the dark. i was one of 4 girls, in fact my mum prob would have gone on and had more. and like you, my mum devoted her time for us kids and i feel very thankful for that. we were never short of anything and i wouldn't swap growing up in a large family for anything. i think kids learn so much more when they have siblings. bugga what your rellies think. well, im starting at ttc1 but in fact i'd love a crew like you! the more life and noise in a house is better i think:thumbup:

SYMPTOMS? are you asking about symptoms already? thats a no no question. it's banned on here, ask macwooly! :yellowcard:I think it's still too early for me to have any sympt. But now you've mentioned it, how r u feeling today? :winkwink:


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## Macwooly

Oh symptom spotting is most definitely banned :ban: and me & Jax make a formidable team at banning people from it :grr::trouble::grr:

I symptom spotted for my first cycle and went nuts doing it but the last 2 I haven't and find it so much more relaxing :thumbup:

But ladies if you need a distraction for a few hours I suggest going to the cinema and seeing Bridesmaids which is the most fabulous film and will have you :rofl: It will really lift your mood and stops you symptom spotting or thinking about TTC :thumbup:

As for bitchy SILs I think many of us have one I know I do :growlmad:


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## Jodes2011

Macwooly said:


> Oh symptom spotting is most definitely banned :ban: and me & Jax make a formidable team at banning people from it :grr::trouble::grr:
> 
> I symptom spotted for my first cycle and went nuts doing it but the last 2 I haven't and find it so much more relaxing :thumbup:
> 
> But ladies if you need a distraction for a few hours I suggest going to the cinema and seeing Bridesmaids which is the most fabulous film and will have you :rofl: It will really lift your mood and stops you symptom spotting or thinking about TTC :thumbup:
> 
> As for bitchy SILs I think many of us have one I know I do :growlmad:

Haha thats why i put it as i know Nat doesn't like to symptom check. We are on another website called countdowntopregnancy and all we get on there is symtom checking which does my head in. I only put my symptoms on because they show an interest which i suppose is nice. That thumbup made me laugh


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## Jodes2011

sumatwsimit said:


> Jodes2011 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?
> 
> Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxxClick to expand...
> 
> Hey, i see you're blessed with bitchy sisters in law...me too. unfortunately for me she speaks perfect english which is a pain in the ass...she never shuts up!your sils, its none of their business so you're right to keep them in the dark. i was one of 4 girls, in fact my mum prob would have gone on and had more. and like you, my mum devoted her time for us kids and i feel very thankful for that. we were never short of anything and i wouldn't swap growing up in a large family for anything. i think kids learn so much more when they have siblings. bugga what your rellies think. well, im starting at ttc1 but in fact i'd love a crew like you! the more life and noise in a house is better i think:thumbup:
> 
> SYMPTOMS? are you asking about symptoms already? thats a no no question. it's banned on here, ask macwooly! :yellowcard:I think it's still too early for me to have any sympt. But now you've mentioned it, how r u feeling today? :winkwink:Click to expand...

Looks like you'll be pregnant for the next 5 years then :winkwink: 

well i can't let you know what my symptoms are otherwise i'll get beaten up by the viking :haha: x


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## Jodes2011

You know what i'm so glad i'm on this forum and talking to you lovely ladies. x


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## purplelou

:haha:we are keeping TTC pretty much secret - although I have a feeling our next door neighbours probably know, since our bed seems to have developed a definite squeak since we started this.:blush:


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## Miss_C

as for telling families and friends - I say why not tell them, surely the more suport the better and as for waiting until you are 12 weeks along before announcing a pregnancy I say bollox to that!! Why should it be kept secret until in the "safe" zone, so no-one else has to deal with your loss? Having been there done that I am feet firmly planted in the tell people and share it camp. The more people are open and sharing about ttc and loss etc etc the less it will be a taboo subject and I think the more sensitive people will be to others and the whole list of crappy responses like it'll happen when you relax or it just wasn't mean to be etc etc will disappear, people think they are saying the right thing but have NO IDEA cos they simply don't know. It needs to be out there why should it all be so secret squirrell?


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## Suki73

I've told my mum and a couple of close friends that we're "thinking about getting pregnant". The problem is I'm a blabbermouth and tend to share anything I'm going through with close people (I'm not indiscreet though!). So it's hard for me to keep stumm and say nothing if I'm very preoccupied with something. My mum is interested and pleased and actually very reassuring as she did the whole chart thing herself during her fertile years and has lots of good advice. It's useful to know things about your 'reproductive heredity' too, I think; like the other day my mum reassured me that she never had classic 28 day cycles but varied between 29-35 days her whole life. 

My family and friends are extremely discreet though, and I only tell them because I trust them to keep their mouths shut!! :)

I think I'd have more difficulty if we got a BFP. My instinct would be to blab in excitement, but I would be cautious given my age so we'd probably keep it to ourselves for as long as possible, i.e. 3 or 4 months. I would tell my mother though, as I generally tell her everything.


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## Jodes2011

I wonder how many ladies we know are on this website? x


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## Macwooly

Until a few days ago I would have said I don't know any but got my friend to join who has just told me she's pregnant with #1 after 23 months of TTC :) She didn't know I was TTC again and it felt so fab to be able to tell her but that's it now :)


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## purplelou

there are a few ladies from my general area on this site, although I don't know them in RL - it's possible we might meet. somehow with you ladies knowing - it's different. I don't want to 'disappoint out familes' if it doesn't happen plus - I have a bit of a secret dream to get all our parents together and tell them they're going to be grandparents.


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## NorthStar

On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.

On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.

And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?


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## Macwooly

When DH and I were TTC in 2009 we told people and the pressure was immense and I couldn't cope with it. With the exception of my friend who is now pregnant and my mum the first question from everyone else was "well any news about babies yet" or if they didn't ask they would keep giving us strange looks and trying to look at my belly and I just found it all too invasive :nope:

That's why this time it's my friend and you ladies on here who know although we suspect my mum has an idea as does one of DH's close friends who has become like a brother to us.

The main reason for not telling DH's family and many of his friends is they are all gossipers :nope: My MIL loves to say "I'm not supposed to tell you this but ......" and has been told not to mention miscarriages 2 of her nieces have had but has then told everyone :shock:


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## Jodes2011

Macwooly said:


> When DH and I were TTC in 2009 we told people and the pressure was immense and I couldn't cope with it. With the exception of my friend who is now pregnant and my mum the first question from everyone else was "well any news about babies yet" or if they didn't ask they would keep giving us strange looks and trying to look at my belly and I just found it all too invasive :nope:
> 
> That's why this time it's my friend and you ladies on here who know although we suspect my mum has an idea as does one of DH's close friends who has become like a brother to us.
> 
> The main reason for not telling DH's family and many of his friends is they are all gossipers :nope: My MIL loves to say "I'm not supposed to tell you this but ......" and has been told not to mention miscarriages 2 of her nieces have had but has then told everyone :shock:

I completely agree with you Macwooly you speak a lot of sense. :hugs:


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## Jodes2011

Macwooly said:


> Until a few days ago I would have said I don't know any but got my friend to join who has just told me she's pregnant with #1 after 23 months of TTC :) She didn't know I was TTC again and it felt so fab to be able to tell her but that's it now :)

Fantastic news about your friend getting pregnant that has made my day :hugs:


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## Jodes2011

Miss_C said:


> as for telling families and friends - I say why not tell them, surely the more suport the better and as for waiting until you are 12 weeks along before announcing a pregnancy I say bollox to that!! Why should it be kept secret until in the "safe" zone, so no-one else has to deal with your loss? Having been there done that I am feet firmly planted in the tell people and share it camp. The more people are open and sharing about ttc and loss etc etc the less it will be a taboo subject and I think the more sensitive people will be to others and the whole list of crappy responses like it'll happen when you relax or it just wasn't mean to be etc etc will disappear, people think they are saying the right thing but have NO IDEA cos they simply don't know. It needs to be out there why should it all be so secret squirrell?

I totally know where your coming from here but for some of us it isn't that easy. If any of my family knew we were TTC they would just give us grief and then i would flip which isn't good for baby and me. And if i do happen to miscarry again i don't want the 'i told you so's'


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## Suki73

Macwooly - "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but..." - that's classic!!! :)

I can totally understand your not saying anything in that case. It's a very private thing, and very emotionally fraught if ttc is difficult. As far as I'm concerned, a pg only becomes 'public property' once it's visible. Would you MIL be offended if she found out you were keeping it from her? Some MIL's are so intrusive!


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## Macwooly

Jodes2011 said:


> Macwooly said:
> 
> 
> Until a few days ago I would have said I don't know any but got my friend to join who has just told me she's pregnant with #1 after 23 months of TTC :) She didn't know I was TTC again and it felt so fab to be able to tell her but that's it now :)
> 
> Fantastic news about your friend getting pregnant that has made my day :hugs:Click to expand...

Her and her DH had tried for 23 months with some fertility issues and it was a week or so before they were supposed to have an appointment for IVF that she got her BFP :happydance: This is her first and if I never get a BFP I'm living vicariously through her and her baby if she lets me :D


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## Macwooly

Suki73 said:


> Macwooly - "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but..." - that's classic!!! :)
> 
> I can totally understand your not saying anything in that case. It's a very private thing, and very emotionally fraught if ttc is difficult. As far as I'm concerned, a pg only becomes 'public property' once it's visible. Would you MIL be offended if she found out you were keeping it from her? Some MIL's are so intrusive!

At one time she would have been upset I had kept it from her but I think she would be ok. She has struggled with me as I can be an extremely private person and if I feel like someone is trying to be intrusive I shut down totally with them. But she will be told before it becomes general knowledge to all.

Much as my DH loves his mum to bits he admits that it would be cruel to tell her a secret such as we're TTC or I'm pregnant but then say she can't say anything as his words "she would turn bright red and her head would explode from trying to keep the secret in"

I know that if I was to suffer a miscarriage I would only turn to the few people we know or suspect know we are TTC already. My in laws (with an exception) are sweet people but they are not people I would turn to myself in a trauma. DH has said he wouldn't want to speak to them and has a few good friends he would turn to if he felt he needed to in such a situation.

I think TTC is such an individual matter and each of us will handle things differently based on our personality. 

I can understand it is good to have a support group if things go wrong on this journey but I find all you lovely ladies on B&B are an excellent support for me and quite enough of a support for me along with the 2-3 people who know we're TTC :thumbup:


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## 73pink

Hello

I wont be telling anyone that we are TTC or even that we want another child (which is why I am on here, I just have to talk about it to someone!!!!). I am a very private person as is my OH.

I dont know if I would tell anyone if we are lucky enough to get pregnant. I told people at 8 weeks with my LO after having a scan. I do regret that now.


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## Macwooly

73pink said:


> Hello
> 
> I wont be telling anyone that we are TTC or even that we want another child (which is why I am on here, I just have to talk about it to someone!!!!). I am a very private person as is my OH.
> 
> I dont know if I would tell anyone if we are lucky enough to get pregnant. I told people at 8 weeks with my LO after having a scan. I do regret that now.

You have to do what feels right for you and your OH :thumbup:


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## sumatwsimit

Jodes2011 said:


> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jodes2011 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?
> 
> Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxxClick to expand...
> 
> Hey, i see you're blessed with bitchy sisters in law...me too. unfortunately for me she speaks perfect english which is a pain in the ass...she never shuts up!your sils, its none of their business so you're right to keep them in the dark. i was one of 4 girls, in fact my mum prob would have gone on and had more. and like you, my mum devoted her time for us kids and i feel very thankful for that. we were never short of anything and i wouldn't swap growing up in a large family for anything. i think kids learn so much more when they have siblings. bugga what your rellies think. well, im starting at ttc1 but in fact i'd love a crew like you! the more life and noise in a house is better i think:thumbup:
> 
> SYMPTOMS? are you asking about symptoms already? thats a no no question. it's banned on here, ask macwooly! :yellowcard:I think it's still too early for me to have any sympt. But now you've mentioned it, how r u feeling today? :winkwink:Click to expand...
> 
> Looks like you'll be pregnant for the next 5 years then :winkwink:
> 
> well i can't let you know what my symptoms are otherwise i'll get beaten up by the viking :haha: xClick to expand...

Haha! i best get busy then :hahaha! a crew would be perfect but if it's down to dh's ball crunching choice of pants he bought only yesterday, we'll be lucky if we get someone even to scrub the decks!

went shopping yesterday. came back laden with bags....he started sorting his and pulled out what i can only describe as seriously, professional 'budgie smugglers!', i freaked out and said why did you buy kid's sized pants...you know we are trying to conceive!?! .... in his defence, it was an accident in the end, after he had changed his mind on the colour (colour being very imortant to him...) he picked up the wrong size.:dohh: i've told him he is banned from even attempting to stretch them out to wear. we need to keep those babies cool and unrestricted right!?!


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## sumatwsimit

NorthStar said:


> On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.
> 
> On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.
> 
> And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?

that is so funny. yeah, i feel the same. announcing to say my parents or other peeps we are ttc is like telling them we are having lots of sex!!! :haha: how embarrassing huh!


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## NorthStar

sumatwsimit said:


> NorthStar said:
> 
> 
> On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.
> 
> On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.
> 
> And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?
> 
> that is so funny. yeah, i feel the same. announcing to say my parents or other peeps we are ttc is like telling them we are having lots of sex!!! :haha: how embarrassing huh!Click to expand...

Exactly, I could curl up and die at the thought of it :dohh:


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## Macwooly

NorthStar said:


> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> NorthStar said:
> 
> 
> On one hand I totally agree with what Miss_C is saying, in that why are we all worrying so much about other people's feelings and what they think about us TTC.
> 
> On the other hand, like purplelou, I wouldn't want to disappoint family members who would really like to see us have a baby.
> 
> And another part of me would be MORTIFIED at public announcing that I'm having sex with my OH! LOL how stupid is that?
> 
> that is so funny. yeah, i feel the same. announcing to say my parents or other peeps we are ttc is like telling them we are having lots of sex!!! :haha: how embarrassing huh!Click to expand...
> 
> Exactly, I could curl up and die at the thought of it :dohh:Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same :)


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## Jodes2011

sumatwsimit said:


> Jodes2011 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jodes2011 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sumatwsimit said:
> 
> 
> Just wondering, with all our TTC efforts, who really knows what we are up to?
> 
> Hubby and I were discussing this last night over dinner and he asked me if I'd told anyone, I said no I want to keep it private and he was in agreement. At his workplace he was saying that a colleague was announcing 'it didn't work for him and his wife this month', I would be mortified if my hubby made our TTC days office gossip. So, so far only me, DH and you lot are in the know :haha: let's hope I don't bump into anyone I know on here (note mug shot for avatar). Sisters have been asking me...but I still fell uncomfortable talking about it and I just tell them I'll let them know when it happens...I just want to keep it private for now.
> 
> How about everyone else? You keeping mum about it or have you made sure close people, family or best mates are in the know?
> 
> Hey Nat i've not told no one apart from my DH haha! I won't tell anyone until i'm showing because all i will get is grief from DH's sisters. They all think that 4 children is enough! I get lectured on where can you find space for another child? and what about uni? etc ect ....... i know they have a point but we provide really well for the children we've got and they never go without. Not saying their spoilt either. I'm going to bug you now any symptoms so far? haha!! J xxxxClick to expand...
> 
> Hey, i see you're blessed with bitchy sisters in law...me too. unfortunately for me she speaks perfect english which is a pain in the ass...she never shuts up!your sils, its none of their business so you're right to keep them in the dark. i was one of 4 girls, in fact my mum prob would have gone on and had more. and like you, my mum devoted her time for us kids and i feel very thankful for that. we were never short of anything and i wouldn't swap growing up in a large family for anything. i think kids learn so much more when they have siblings. bugga what your rellies think. well, im starting at ttc1 but in fact i'd love a crew like you! the more life and noise in a house is better i think:thumbup:
> 
> SYMPTOMS? are you asking about symptoms already? thats a no no question. it's banned on here, ask macwooly! :yellowcard:I think it's still too early for me to have any sympt. But now you've mentioned it, how r u feeling today? :winkwink:Click to expand...
> 
> Looks like you'll be pregnant for the next 5 years then :winkwink:
> 
> well i can't let you know what my symptoms are otherwise i'll get beaten up by the viking :haha: xClick to expand...
> 
> Haha! i best get busy then :hahaha! a crew would be perfect but if it's down to dh's ball crunching choice of pants he bought only yesterday, we'll be lucky if we get someone even to scrub the decks!
> 
> went shopping yesterday. came back laden with bags....he started sorting his and pulled out what i can only describe as seriously, professional 'budgie smugglers!', i freaked out and said why did you buy kid's sized pants...you know we are trying to conceive!?! .... in his defence, it was an accident in the end, after he had changed his mind on the colour (colour being very imortant to him...) he picked up the wrong size.:dohh: i've told him he is banned from even attempting to stretch them out to wear. we need to keep those babies cool and unrestricted right!?!Click to expand...

Haha brilliant x


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## NorthStar

The only thing about this, is all during the 70s when you look at the old shows, or any old family photos the men all used to wear total nut crushers, but evidently were still breeding away (we're all here as proof of that!).


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## Jodes2011

NorthStar said:


> The only thing about this, is all during the 70s when you look at the old shows, or any old family photos the men all used to wear total nut crushers, but evidently were still breeding away (we're all here as proof of that!).

Totally true


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## Miss Fosdyke

We are keeping it completely quiet that we are TTC, which is going to be difficult(keeping quiet). I have so many questions that it is hard not to ask people I know for their knowledge and advice. People will begin to notice that I am not drinking wine.
Why don't I want to tell anyone? I don't want outside pressure to conceive or people telling me that i shouldn't have waited so long. We may never conceive and I don't want people having that pitying "Sorry you couldn't have children" attitude as if my life were a complete failure.
I will need support so I think will need to come from this forum.


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## starlight2801

Our families and a couple of close friends know and that's it.

To be honest we wouldn't have told anyone about it but we conceived earlier in the year and sadly had a MC and we had to call on people to help out with DD and my horse. I'm not one for asking for help and either lying or expecting people not to ask what was wrong so it kind of gave the game away that we wanted another baby.

It's true people knowing does add to the pressure though. There's always someone who can't resist asking 'are you pregnant yet?'


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## pcsoph2890

My girlfriends at work know and my mum and my sister. I'm not sure who hubby has told - his family never mention it anyway!

The girls at work are very supportive and i don't personally feel any pressure from them about TTC. Got a bit womb achy when two of them got pregnant on the first occasion they TTC - but hey ho.
After now 12 months of TTC at the age of just 37 - if AF doesn;t show up in the next 2 days (which i'm sure she will as have all the symptoms of it coming) then will be making appt at the doctors for tests....


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## brooksbaby

Miss Fosdyke said:


> We are keeping it completely quiet that we are TTC, which is going to be difficult(keeping quiet). I have so many questions that it is hard not to ask people I know for their knowledge and advice. People will begin to notice that I am not drinking wine.
> Why don't I want to tell anyone? I don't want outside pressure to conceive or people telling me that i shouldn't have waited so long. We may never conceive and I don't want people having that pitying "Sorry you couldn't have children" attitude as if my life were a complete failure.
> I will need support so I think will need to come from this forum.

This is exactly how I feel!!!

My sister popped out 4 kids without any issue (actually, most of them were unexpected...gah). I took the super careful route in life and waited until everything was *right*...and she can't understand why I don't just have kids? (like I just make the decision and poof! there it is).

I'm just the kind of person that prefers to deal with disappointments on my own. I'm private. Luckily I have an amazing husband who I can share a lot of these thoughts with, but yeah...I can't make an announcement to all my friends and family and then have to face publicly face failure.


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