# Feel like I`m back to square one



## dancareoi

Feeling so down and sad again today, I don`t know what to do.

We lost our LO 8 weeks ago today. This was an unplanned PG.

DH didn`t want a 4th baby and now we have lost it is reluctant to say we can try again.

i am 40 now and time is ticking. I really thought he was going to say yes, even though he is worried about us losing another and any other age related things that may happen.

However, he had a bad day himself yesterday. He is not enjoying his job at the moment and his best mate emigrated yesterday, so I think all this combined with the loss of our baby has finally caught up with him.

We had a long talk last night and from the way he was talking I don`t think he is going to want to TTC again, I am devasted.

Where do i go from here. The thought and hope of trying again for a baby was the only thing keeping me going. Without this hope I am totally empty instead, with no chance of being happy ever again, but spending the rest of my life mourning my baby with a lost an empty feeling inside.

I was doing so well and have now taken a huge 8 week step back. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.


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## Andypanda6570

Lisa,
Your loss is so fresh and this is so very normal at this stage, it happens to us all. Like I said I didn't start to feel a little peace till Ava was gone for 10 months, then I went backwards at her first year anniversary, I am feeling better now.
Lisa, please believe me when I say you will get better it just takes awhile to get there, never over it, but you will get to a place where things aren't as hard as they are right now , I promise you this :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Lisa, you need to really have a long talk with him and tell him you wont be ok if you don't try one more time and you know you wont, this consumes you and it did me also. He needs to understand that you need this to move on and feel better. I am praying he sees this, he needs to understand you need this to move on in a way., I don't know what else to say on that subject, I just pray he sees your point and gives in.
I love you, Lisa... :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:


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## dancareoi

Andypanda6570 said:


> Lisa,
> Your loss is so fresh and this is so very normal at this stage, it happens to us all. Like I said I didn't start to feel a little peace till Ava was gone for 10 months, then I went backwards at her first year anniversary, I am feeling better now.
> Lisa, please believe me when I say you will get better it just takes awhile to get there, never over it, but you will get to a place where things aren't as hard as they are right now , I promise you this :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> Lisa, you need to really have a long talk with him and tell him you wont be ok if you don't try one more time and you know you wont, this consumes you and it did me also. He needs to understand that you need this to move on and feel better. I am praying he sees this, he needs to understand you need this to move on in a way., I don't know what else to say on that subject, I just pray he sees your point and gives in.
> I love you, Lisa... :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

hi andrea,

He knows how much I need and want this.

I have been sad all morning. DH just called in on his way back to work and noticed i was upset, i said it was nothing but he asked me to tell him.

I said that i thought after yesterday`s conversation I thought he was going to say no. He said that is not what he meant when he was talking yesterday, he said we should wait and see what this professor says. (although its been 2 weeks since visit to docs and no sign of a letter - I am not going to chase as I don`t want to go)

He knows if he did say no i would be devasted and i think as well he would know that our relationship could and would never be the same again as it would always be between us.

He is in a very difficult situation. But he is still not saying no!

There is still a small flicker of hope!!!!

Thanks again for being there, i knew you would reply to my post because you are always there for me and I love you for that. 
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SabrinaKat

and may I remind you ladies -- that compared to me - 40 is spring chicken territory! (I was 43 when I conceived rainbow/delivered at 44), so dancareoi, give yourself a little more time? It sounds like both you and your OH are having a hard time at the moment? (I do understand the obsession, tho!)

best wishes


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## Bride2b

How is going Lisa, I think of you often & hope things are are going a little better? Have there been any developments?xx


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## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> How is going Lisa, I think of you often & hope things are are going a little better? Have there been any developments?xx

Hi Gemma, no developments yet, although DH knows how much I need and want this and how devasted I will be if we don`t.

He is waiting to see when we get an appoinment for the hospital to go and get ourselves checked out and tested, to see if there are any medical reasons that would strongly mean the same would happen again.

however, we have been waiting 2 weeks now for appoinment and I have told him i am not going to wait too long. 

He has said def no to TTC this month, which would probably be in the next week, so i am keeping fingers crossed he will say yes to April.

Thing is, i reckon if we do try in April, and i if I got PG straight away, we would have a due date of first week in Jan, 2 of me 3 babies were early - so Christmas baby!

Anyway, shouldn`t jump ahead, we have a long way to go.

How is it going with you?:hugs:


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## Bride2b

Its looking more hopeful then, it really does seem that you will be ttc by April. I hate waiting for appointments! Its like you just want to get on the phone & get them to get their arses moving. The chances are there will not be any reason why you cant try again. These second tri losses are usually nothing to do with anything that is likely to be repeated just shear bad luck - so if its the case with you then fingers crossed you might have that Christmas baby!! 

I am on cd2! Last cycle was a blow out, but I used soy & got major O pains, and started using cbfm again. I know we missed the window of opportunity to have sperm waiting for the egg as I only had 2 high days before it turned to a peak. When I used cbfm before I used to get 5 highs, then the peaks. So really O surprised me & we didnt get to BD on the 2 high days. So in my mind thats why I think it didnt happen even though we BD on the peak days, but I think it was too late by then anyway!
I was supposed to try smep, but it just didnt happen. I am going to try & smep this month. Its the last month before my due date to get a bfp, and I really need this. I am finding it so hard, everything I do just reminds me of whats happened and how I should be pregnant & waiting for my baby to arrive, I still keep thinking this must be some sort of a nightmare & I'll wake up, as this is all to horrible to be real life! I just wish I could wake up and be pregnant from where I was before (if that makes sense).
I am not coming to these threads so often as I find it quite hard to cope with whats happened & just cant bear to read new stories as it breaks my heart. I have found the last few days really really tough, as I am back to work full time which means I have to be 100% on the ball. My manager called me in to see if I was ok, and I ended up crying in his office! I've seen occupational health & the doctor told me I am not to work full time at the moment, so I am to do 4 hour days for the next 2 weeks, and then 6 hour days for the following week. I am to do a mixture of teaching & non teaching duties to ease myself back in. Then after these 3 weeks it will be easter holidays (and I hope to god I will be pregnant before I return back to work!).

I will keep checking back here to see how everything is going for you xx


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## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Its looking more hopeful then, it really does seem that you will be ttc by April. I hate waiting for appointments! Its like you just want to get on the phone & get them to get their arses moving. The chances are there will not be any reason why you cant try again. These second tri losses are usually nothing to do with anything that is likely to be repeated just shear bad luck - so if its the case with you then fingers crossed you might have that Christmas baby!!
> 
> I am on cd2! Last cycle was a blow out, but I used soy & got major O pains, and started using cbfm again. I know we missed the window of opportunity to have sperm waiting for the egg as I only had 2 high days before it turned to a peak. When I used cbfm before I used to get 5 highs, then the peaks. So really O surprised me & we didnt get to BD on the 2 high days. So in my mind thats why I think it didnt happen even though we BD on the peak days, but I think it was too late by then anyway!
> I was supposed to try smep, but it just didnt happen. I am going to try & smep this month. Its the last month before my due date to get a bfp, and I really need this. I am finding it so hard, everything I do just reminds me of whats happened and how I should be pregnant & waiting for my baby to arrive, I still keep thinking this must be some sort of a nightmare & I'll wake up, as this is all to horrible to be real life! I just wish I could wake up and be pregnant from where I was before (if that makes sense).
> I am not coming to these threads so often as I find it quite hard to cope with whats happened & just cant bear to read new stories as it breaks my heart. I have found the last few days really really tough, as I am back to work full time which means I have to be 100% on the ball. My manager called me in to see if I was ok, and I ended up crying in his office! I've seen occupational health & the doctor told me I am not to work full time at the moment, so I am to do 4 hour days for the next 2 weeks, and then 6 hour days for the following week. I am to do a mixture of teaching & non teaching duties to ease myself back in. Then after these 3 weeks it will be easter holidays (and I hope to god I will be pregnant before I return back to work!).
> 
> I will keep checking back here to see how everything is going for you xx

Gemma, i know exactly what you mean about being in a nightmare, I keep thinking the same myself and hope to wake up and find everything ok.

I have been lucky in the fact that I don`t work full time. My DH and I have our own business. I go to work for 3 hours on a tuesday and 3 hours on a saturday and that is it. i am a stay at home mom the rest of the time.

4 of my 5 pregnancies I conceived the first time of trying my method!(number 5 accident) 
the first PG was pot luck as it was the first time we tried and we just thought we would see what happened. 
PG 2 - we tried sort of for about 4 months, it was more NTNP but nothing happened, I then took the following steps, which worked first time then on PG 2, first time on PG 3 (MMC) and first time on PG 4 (at 38!)

On the day you get increased CM start taking OV test, DTD this day and every day until after the OV test indicates you have OV.

DTD - you lying flat.

After DTD - do not move for at least 1 hour - lying flat with feet raised.

This has worked for me, so wanted to pass it on to you. I really hope it works
:dust:


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## Bride2b

Thanks for the tips! Its certainly more about sperm meets the egg, as it needs to be there waiting which is why its probably worked well for you in the past, so hopefully for you if you do get to try again it will be easy to fall again! I will certainly try your method! I've been keeping an eye on cm and recording it on FF so hopefully this cycle I will know my body a bit better as it seems to be settling down! Hopefully the cm will coincide with highs on my cbfm & I should probably bd every high and peak (which we didnt do last month) although thought maybe every other high & both peaks so the sperm were nice and replensihed. I just dont know!!! I will def put a pillow under my bum though, I did this last time & it worked! x


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## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Thanks for the tips! Its certainly more about sperm meets the egg, as it needs to be there waiting which is why its probably worked well for you in the past, so hopefully for you if you do get to try again it will be easy to fall again! I will certainly try your method! I've been keeping an eye on cm and recording it on FF so hopefully this cycle I will know my body a bit better as it seems to be settling down! Hopefully the cm will coincide with highs on my cbfm & I should probably bd every high and peak (which we didnt do last month) although thought maybe every other high & both peaks so the sperm were nice and replensihed. I just dont know!!! I will def put a pillow under my bum though, I did this last time & it worked! x

just keep those legs in the air and allow those :spermy: to get there and do their job!!!!!:haha:


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## majored

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back. 

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it. 

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend. 

I hope everything turns out ok for you. 

Sarah xxx


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## Bride2b

Sarah I wondered how you were doing.

I hope the PM results come back with good results for you (if you know what I mean) sometimes if nothing showed up it can be just as hard as something did show. 

Maybe the results will help make up your mind about ttc again, especially if they find nothing wrong. We are here if you need to chat xx


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## dancareoi

majored said:


> Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.
> 
> My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.
> 
> Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.
> 
> My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.
> 
> I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.
> 
> Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.
> 
> I hope everything turns out ok for you.
> 
> Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4. 

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa:hugs:


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## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.
> 
> My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.
> 
> Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.
> 
> My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.
> 
> I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.
> 
> Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.
> 
> I hope everything turns out ok for you.
> 
> Sarah xxx
> 
> Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?
> 
> Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!
> 
> i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.
> 
> LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.
> 
> We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.
> 
> I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.
> 
> I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
> 2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
> 3rd - MMC July 09
> 4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
> 5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.
> 
> This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.
> 
> Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.
> 
> i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!
> 
> We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.
> 
> i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.
> 
> I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.
> 
> You will know when you are ready to try again.
> 
> I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.
> 
> Lisa:hugs:Click to expand...

Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.

Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair.:hugs: . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.

Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again. 
Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.

In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.

Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon. 
Sarah xx


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## majored

Bride2b said:


> Sarah I wondered how you were doing.
> 
> I hope the PM results come back with good results for you (if you know what I mean) sometimes if nothing showed up it can be just as hard as something did show.
> 
> Maybe the results will help make up your mind about ttc again, especially if they find nothing wrong. We are here if you need to chat xx

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Take care Sarah xx


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## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.
> 
> My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.
> 
> Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.
> 
> My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.
> 
> I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.
> 
> Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.
> 
> I hope everything turns out ok for you.
> 
> Sarah xxx
> 
> Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?
> 
> Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!
> 
> i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.
> 
> LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.
> 
> We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.
> 
> I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.
> 
> I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
> 2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
> 3rd - MMC July 09
> 4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
> 5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.
> 
> This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.
> 
> Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.
> 
> i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!
> 
> We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.
> 
> i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.
> 
> I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.
> 
> You will know when you are ready to try again.
> 
> I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.
> 
> Lisa:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
> Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.
> 
> Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair.:hugs: . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.
> 
> Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
> Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.
> 
> In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.
> 
> Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
> Sarah xxClick to expand...

Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.

I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.

So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!

however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.

She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.

Will show DH her reply later.

Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.

i am really hoping DH agrees!!

Speak soon,

Lisa


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.
> 
> My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.
> 
> Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.
> 
> My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.
> 
> I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.
> 
> Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.
> 
> I hope everything turns out ok for you.
> 
> Sarah xxx
> 
> Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?
> 
> Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!
> 
> i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.
> 
> LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.
> 
> We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.
> 
> I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.
> 
> I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
> 2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
> 3rd - MMC July 09
> 4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
> 5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.
> 
> This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.
> 
> Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.
> 
> i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!
> 
> We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.
> 
> i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.
> 
> I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.
> 
> You will know when you are ready to try again.
> 
> I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.
> 
> Lisa:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
> Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.
> 
> Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair.:hugs: . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.
> 
> Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
> Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.
> 
> In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.
> 
> Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
> Sarah xxClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.
> 
> I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.
> 
> So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!
> 
> however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.
> 
> She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.
> 
> Will show DH her reply later.
> 
> Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.
> 
> i am really hoping DH agrees!!
> 
> Speak soon,
> 
> LisaClick to expand...


Hi Lisa, I do hope heartlands give you the answers you want to hear. The fact that they said you can try straight after you have told her everything means that she thinks everything is fine. I think that loosing a baby sometimes is one of those things,(well thats what everyone tells me) but having answers helps. It helps you to cope and helps you to understand better. If she thought that there were any probs that stood out she would of told you to wait until you had seen her. 

Waiting for tests or results is just the worst thing ever, i dont cope very well. It all takes time and time is a thing i dont have a lot of.

When the Alex were speaking to me he sat there with a great big smile on his face saying "when you try again" so he was assuming i would naturally just go for it. My GP has said to me "try again when things feel right and you have got your head around everything....."

My OH is concerned about me getting pregnant again because i worried all the time even within 5 minutes of finding out i was worrying. I know i would worry straight away if i fell again. My head is telling me i should wait but my heart is saying go for it. There is something missing in my life and in time i guess that gap heal to some point. However how long does that take maybe it will never happen.

I know men / fathers go through the loss as well, but it is different for women. 

Just lately i feel very alone, i have so many thoughts going around in my head. Nobody seems to understand or know what im thinking or feeling inside. Its hard to explain to people how im feeling. I thought i was doing ok with things but i have got worse. The times i go quiet when im thinking and in a world of my own....there is nothing wrong its just that im in deep thought!

Take care anyway speak soon
Sarah :flower:


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.
> 
> My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.
> 
> Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.
> 
> My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.
> 
> I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.
> 
> Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.
> 
> I hope everything turns out ok for you.
> 
> Sarah xxx
> 
> Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?
> 
> Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!
> 
> i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.
> 
> LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.
> 
> We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.
> 
> I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.
> 
> I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
> 2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
> 3rd - MMC July 09
> 4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
> 5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.
> 
> This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.
> 
> Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.
> 
> i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!
> 
> We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.
> 
> i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.
> 
> I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.
> 
> You will know when you are ready to try again.
> 
> I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.
> 
> Lisa:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
> Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.
> 
> Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair.:hugs: . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.
> 
> Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
> Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.
> 
> In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.
> 
> Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
> Sarah xxClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.
> 
> I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.
> 
> So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!
> 
> however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.
> 
> She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.
> 
> Will show DH her reply later.
> 
> Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.
> 
> i am really hoping DH agrees!!
> 
> Speak soon,
> 
> LisaClick to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, I do hope heartlands give you the answers you want to hear. The fact that they said you can try straight after you have told her everything means that she thinks everything is fine. I think that loosing a baby sometimes is one of those things,(well thats what everyone tells me) but having answers helps. It helps you to cope and helps you to understand better. If she thought that there were any probs that stood out she would of told you to wait until you had seen her.
> 
> Waiting for tests or results is just the worst thing ever, i dont cope very well. It all takes time and time is a thing i dont have a lot of.
> 
> When the Alex were speaking to me he sat there with a great big smile on his face saying "when you try again" so he was assuming i would naturally just go for it. My GP has said to me "try again when things feel right and you have got your head around everything....."
> 
> My OH is concerned about me getting pregnant again because i worried all the time even within 5 minutes of finding out i was worrying. I know i would worry straight away if i fell again. My head is telling me i should wait but my heart is saying go for it. There is something missing in my life and in time i guess that gap heal to some point. However how long does that take maybe it will never happen.
> 
> I know men / fathers go through the loss as well, but it is different for women.
> 
> Just lately i feel very alone, i have so many thoughts going around in my head. Nobody seems to understand or know what im thinking or feeling inside. Its hard to explain to people how im feeling. I thought i was doing ok with things but i have got worse. The times i go quiet when im thinking and in a world of my own....there is nothing wrong its just that im in deep thought!
> 
> Take care anyway speak soon
> Sarah :flower:Click to expand...

Hi Sarah, you seem to have the same feelings i do. When I am alone all these things start going round my head.

My DH keeps saying i should speak to my mom, tell her how I`m feeling. I have spoken to her and she knows how this has effected, but she can`t understand why I want to try again and out myself through all this worry. She is trying to help, but she has never been through this so she knows she doesn`t know how i feel.

My sister had 2 MMC and my cousin 1, so they know how i am feeling to some extent, but their ones, like my first, were early on, so they didn`t have to give birth to their LO.

The only person that truly understands, but I have only spken briefly to her, is my daughter`s teacher. She had to give birth to her LO at 16 weeks, she then lost her next early on. (she now has a little boy)

When this first happened she came over to speak to me when I collected my daughter, I got upset and she too started getting. This is something i suppose that is always with you.

DH won`t try again until we have seen the professor, I know deep down this is the right thing to do,so i will use the next 4 weeks to try and lose some weight and get a bit healthier.

We have just booked a trip to euro disney for the week off in June that the kids have. They have been through a lot as well. Also if we do try again, it will be a while before we can do something like this so this will be good for them too.

(hopefully i will be about 4/5 weeks pregnant when we go!!!!)

i am always here for a chat:hugs:


----------



## ksrharris21

when did test positive when u first found out?


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.
> 
> My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.
> 
> Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.
> 
> My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.
> 
> I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.
> 
> Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.
> 
> I hope everything turns out ok for you.
> 
> Sarah xxx
> 
> Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?
> 
> Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!
> 
> i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.
> 
> LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.
> 
> We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.
> 
> I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.
> 
> I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
> 2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
> 3rd - MMC July 09
> 4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
> 5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.
> 
> This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.
> 
> Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.
> 
> i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!
> 
> We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.
> 
> i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.
> 
> I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.
> 
> You will know when you are ready to try again.
> 
> I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.
> 
> Lisa:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
> Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.
> 
> Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair.:hugs: . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.
> 
> Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
> Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.
> 
> In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.
> 
> Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
> Sarah xxClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.
> 
> I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.
> 
> So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!
> 
> however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.
> 
> She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.
> 
> Will show DH her reply later.
> 
> Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.
> 
> i am really hoping DH agrees!!
> 
> Speak soon,
> 
> LisaClick to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, I do hope heartlands give you the answers you want to hear. The fact that they said you can try straight after you have told her everything means that she thinks everything is fine. I think that loosing a baby sometimes is one of those things,(well thats what everyone tells me) but having answers helps. It helps you to cope and helps you to understand better. If she thought that there were any probs that stood out she would of told you to wait until you had seen her.
> 
> Waiting for tests or results is just the worst thing ever, i dont cope very well. It all takes time and time is a thing i dont have a lot of.
> 
> When the Alex were speaking to me he sat there with a great big smile on his face saying "when you try again" so he was assuming i would naturally just go for it. My GP has said to me "try again when things feel right and you have got your head around everything....."
> 
> My OH is concerned about me getting pregnant again because i worried all the time even within 5 minutes of finding out i was worrying. I know i would worry straight away if i fell again. My head is telling me i should wait but my heart is saying go for it. There is something missing in my life and in time i guess that gap heal to some point. However how long does that take maybe it will never happen.
> 
> I know men / fathers go through the loss as well, but it is different for women.
> 
> Just lately i feel very alone, i have so many thoughts going around in my head. Nobody seems to understand or know what im thinking or feeling inside. Its hard to explain to people how im feeling. I thought i was doing ok with things but i have got worse. The times i go quiet when im thinking and in a world of my own....there is nothing wrong its just that im in deep thought!
> 
> Take care anyway speak soon
> Sarah :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, you seem to have the same feelings i do. When I am alone all these things start going round my head.
> 
> My DH keeps saying i should speak to my mom, tell her how I`m feeling. I have spoken to her and she knows how this has effected, but she can`t understand why I want to try again and out myself through all this worry. She is trying to help, but she has never been through this so she knows she doesn`t know how i feel.
> 
> My sister had 2 MMC and my cousin 1, so they know how i am feeling to some extent, but their ones, like my first, were early on, so they didn`t have to give birth to their LO.
> 
> The only person that truly understands, but I have only spken briefly to her, is my daughter`s teacher. She had to give birth to her LO at 16 weeks, she then lost her next early on. (she now has a little boy)
> 
> When this first happened she came over to speak to me when I collected my daughter, I got upset and she too started getting. This is something i suppose that is always with you.
> 
> DH won`t try again until we have seen the professor, I know deep down this is the right thing to do,so i will use the next 4 weeks to try and lose some weight and get a bit healthier.
> 
> We have just booked a trip to euro disney for the week off in June that the kids have. They have been through a lot as well. Also if we do try again, it will be a while before we can do something like this so this will be good for them too.
> 
> (hopefully i will be about 4/5 weeks pregnant when we go!!!!)
> 
> i am always here for a chat:hugs:Click to expand...

Hi Lisa, booking a trip away will do you the world of good. It will give you a break and also take your mind off other things . 

I know with my relationship if you want something or to do something and the person your with doesnt want the same thing, it can make everything seem like hard work. In the end one of you has to give in. 

If someone could wave their magic wand and say everything will be ok, i would do it. I know that wont happen nobody can do that it. Since ive lost Samuel i get a lot of tight pains across my chest. I know its stress and ive been to the dr. Who in turn did an ECG and gave me medication just to calm me down. I have the tablets but ive not taken any, im trying to deal with this on my own. Some days im fine the next i think im having a heart attack. Everywhere i look there seems to be babies or ladies that are expecting and are ready to drop. Its not that i mind but i say to myself that should be me walking round waiting for my baby to arrive. Or i should be holding my new born just like they are. I cant help thinking that should be me in my life!

My mother in law lost 3 children all quite early on. They did loads of tests on her and found nothing. The only thing they could come up with was MAYBE she can not carry girls as she ended up with two sons. My sister in law also lost 3 and at one time she had twins and lost one twin at 14 weeks. They did tests on her and couldnt come up with nothing. The other twin was born at 28 weeks and is doing fine in life. Both in-laws had no PM done as they lost everything down the toilet. My S-I-L has been quite shocked that this is my only loss and they have done testing on me. Now i dont know if this is because things have changed or because i was nearly five months. I know they only used to test things if you had multi losses.

Little things start me off thinking about everything thats happened. I feel like im the only one that thinks about him. Nobody mentions him, like it never happened. I said this to my OH the other day, Im always thinking about my son, i know its worse at the moment as he would be due. I know things will get better in time but you never forget. 

I hope things work out for you......so you can be on:cloud9:


take care and speak soon Sarah:hugs:


----------



## dancareoi

Hi sarah,

My due date is not until 15 June, although all of my 3 previous PG`s have all been early, so I was expecting this LO to be born around 1st June, so those 2 weeks are going to be bad.

Today is exactly three months to the day and date we found our LO had died. Feeling so sad again, it`s just not fair is it?

We are in Wales now and my DH and 2 older kids went to mass yesterday as Easter sunday, my lad is 10, such a cring and sensitive little boy, my DH told me he lit a candle for the baby, this made me fill up to think my son still thinks of his sibling.

It`s 3 weeks and 2 days now until I see the professor, so I am really hoping that we can then start to make some decisions.

My DH is like you, if he could wave a magic wand and know everything would be ok, he would have another.

Hope these days pass peacefully for you.

lisa xx


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> Hi sarah,
> 
> My due date is not until 15 June, although all of my 3 previous PG`s have all been early, so I was expecting this LO to be born around 1st June, so those 2 weeks are going to be bad.
> 
> Today is exactly three months to the day and date we found our LO had died. Feeling so sad again, it`s just not fair is it?
> 
> We are in Wales now and my DH and 2 older kids went to mass yesterday as Easter sunday, my lad is 10, such a cring and sensitive little boy, my DH told me he lit a candle for the baby, this made me fill up to think my son still thinks of his sibling.
> 
> It`s 3 weeks and 2 days now until I see the professor, so I am really hoping that we can then start to make some decisions.
> 
> My DH is like you, if he could wave a magic wand and know everything would be ok, he would have another.
> 
> Hope these days pass peacefully for you.
> 
> lisa xx


Hi lisa how are things going your end. :flower:

Ive been keeping busy and been....as we have opened a shop in the village. Babies have been coming in and ive been giving them a cuddle. 

Today i had to have a blood test at the drs. To see if my blood clots that were found in my placenta, were caused by my body or if they happened because of Samuels cord. Im feeling quite positive about it...which is not like me!

I had a water infection last week and as it was at night time so i took a few antibiotics which i had left over from having Samuel. Well they then in turn have played my stomach up no end, Cramping and aches on/off all day. The water infection has cleared up. Yes i know i should of gone to the drs about it in the first place but i really do seem to get stressed and worried about everything. If you google something it tells you that all your limbs will fall off and green puss will explode from your head (if you know what i mean). Im trying not to worry about things or think too much in depth about things. The stomach ache is getting better but im still feel quite delicate. When i took them before i had the same thing but i thought it was because i was loosing Samuel.

I hope Wales was a nice break for you and that you all had time to relax. With any luck the professor can give you the news that your looking for. Anybody that can give you the information that you need to help you and point you in the right direction is a god send. I ask every dr i see the same questions and they all will say different things in a different way.

Please take care and hope to chat soon.

Sarah


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi sarah,
> 
> My due date is not until 15 June, although all of my 3 previous PG`s have all been early, so I was expecting this LO to be born around 1st June, so those 2 weeks are going to be bad.
> 
> Today is exactly three months to the day and date we found our LO had died. Feeling so sad again, it`s just not fair is it?
> 
> We are in Wales now and my DH and 2 older kids went to mass yesterday as Easter sunday, my lad is 10, such a cring and sensitive little boy, my DH told me he lit a candle for the baby, this made me fill up to think my son still thinks of his sibling.
> 
> It`s 3 weeks and 2 days now until I see the professor, so I am really hoping that we can then start to make some decisions.
> 
> My DH is like you, if he could wave a magic wand and know everything would be ok, he would have another.
> 
> Hope these days pass peacefully for you.
> 
> lisa xx
> 
> 
> Hi lisa how are things going your end. :flower:
> 
> Ive been keeping busy and been....as we have opened a shop in the village. Babies have been coming in and ive been giving them a cuddle.
> 
> Today i had to have a blood test at the drs. To see if my blood clots that were found in my placenta, were caused by my body or if they happened because of Samuels cord. Im feeling quite positive about it...which is not like me!
> 
> I had a water infection last week and as it was at night time so i took a few antibiotics which i had left over from having Samuel. Well they then in turn have played my stomach up no end, Cramping and aches on/off all day. The water infection has cleared up. Yes i know i should of gone to the drs about it in the first place but i really do seem to get stressed and worried about everything. If you google something it tells you that all your limbs will fall off and green puss will explode from your head (if you know what i mean). Im trying not to worry about things or think too much in depth about things. The stomach ache is getting better but im still feel quite delicate. When i took them before i had the same thing but i thought it was because i was loosing Samuel.
> 
> I hope Wales was a nice break for you and that you all had time to relax. With any luck the professor can give you the news that your looking for. Anybody that can give you the information that you need to help you and point you in the right direction is a god send. I ask every dr i see the same questions and they all will say different things in a different way.
> 
> Please take care and hope to chat soon.
> 
> SarahClick to expand...

Hi Sarah,

i know what you mean about reading symptons on the net, it makes you think you`re going to die of some terrible unheard of disease!

we had a nice break in Wales and we are now looking forward to Euro Disney in June.

Only 8 days now til I have my hospital appoinment and i am starting to worry i`ll be told something i don`t want to hear.

Sorry you are feeling a bit off colour, hopefully you will start feeling better soon. A little nice weather would help a lot.

i assume the shop you have opened in the village is in Studley - what`s the name of the shop? As I have said previously, we know Studley as my daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School (started at the junior school), but from next week for a few weeks they will be at a school in Astwood Bank.

i hope your docs results are ok - if it is due to clotting then i think that can be sorted by taking baby asprin when you are pregnant again.

look after yourself and speak soon.

lisa :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi sarah,
> 
> My due date is not until 15 June, although all of my 3 previous PG`s have all been early, so I was expecting this LO to be born around 1st June, so those 2 weeks are going to be bad.
> 
> Today is exactly three months to the day and date we found our LO had died. Feeling so sad again, it`s just not fair is it?
> 
> We are in Wales now and my DH and 2 older kids went to mass yesterday as Easter sunday, my lad is 10, such a cring and sensitive little boy, my DH told me he lit a candle for the baby, this made me fill up to think my son still thinks of his sibling.
> 
> It`s 3 weeks and 2 days now until I see the professor, so I am really hoping that we can then start to make some decisions.
> 
> My DH is like you, if he could wave a magic wand and know everything would be ok, he would have another.
> 
> Hope these days pass peacefully for you.
> 
> lisa xx
> 
> 
> Hi lisa how are things going your end. :flower:
> 
> Ive been keeping busy and been....as we have opened a shop in the village. Babies have been coming in and ive been giving them a cuddle.
> 
> Today i had to have a blood test at the drs. To see if my blood clots that were found in my placenta, were caused by my body or if they happened because of Samuels cord. Im feeling quite positive about it...which is not like me!
> 
> I had a water infection last week and as it was at night time so i took a few antibiotics which i had left over from having Samuel. Well they then in turn have played my stomach up no end, Cramping and aches on/off all day. The water infection has cleared up. Yes i know i should of gone to the drs about it in the first place but i really do seem to get stressed and worried about everything. If you google something it tells you that all your limbs will fall off and green puss will explode from your head (if you know what i mean). Im trying not to worry about things or think too much in depth about things. The stomach ache is getting better but im still feel quite delicate. When i took them before i had the same thing but i thought it was because i was loosing Samuel.
> 
> I hope Wales was a nice break for you and that you all had time to relax. With any luck the professor can give you the news that your looking for. Anybody that can give you the information that you need to help you and point you in the right direction is a god send. I ask every dr i see the same questions and they all will say different things in a different way.
> 
> Please take care and hope to chat soon.
> 
> SarahClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah,
> 
> i know what you mean about reading symptons on the net, it makes you think you`re going to die of some terrible unheard of disease!
> 
> we had a nice break in Wales and we are now looking forward to Euro Disney in June.
> 
> Only 8 days now til I have my hospital appoinment and i am starting to worry i`ll be told something i don`t want to hear.
> 
> Sorry you are feeling a bit off colour, hopefully you will start feeling better soon. A little nice weather would help a lot.
> 
> i assume the shop you have opened in the village is in Studley - what`s the name of the shop? As I have said previously, we know Studley as my daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School (started at the junior school), but from next week for a few weeks they will be at a school in Astwood Bank.
> 
> i hope your docs results are ok - if it is due to clotting then i think that can be sorted by taking baby asprin when you are pregnant again.
> 
> look after yourself and speak soon.
> 
> lisa :hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...



Hi Lisa , I hope all is well your end and everything went to plan at the hospital. With any luck you know whats happening for the good. Your break in Euro disney will do you all some good.:flower:

This urine infection got the better of me and i had to go to the drs. Who informed me that they had a problem with the blood test they had taken 3 days before. Well before they could say anymore i was shaking, crying and just in a panic. They told me at the time the results would take about 7-10 days. I assumed as it had only been 3 days that there must be a big problem. It turned out there was an admin problem.....so had to have another test which i had to take to the Alex as it was a Fri night. My bp was 160/105 i was getting myself in a right state.Now im waiting the results from the new test.Then she tells me my smear is due. I feel its just one thing after another and i cant seem to cope with things very well at the moment. Well its been since i found i was expecting there was one problem after another. I keep getting told off for being so negative all the time. Samuels due date was yesterday, i was going to go out but the weather was just so bad i didnt bother. 

The little shop is a vintage/ retro shop in between the wedding centre and primrose hospice. ( or as i call it more a "junk shop" )Im just trying to get my feet on the ground with it. I dont know if its wise opening a shop, but words getting around and were getting alot of dealers buying from us.

Well please take care of yourself :hugs:

All the best 
Sarah xx


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi sarah,
> 
> My due date is not until 15 June, although all of my 3 previous PG`s have all been early, so I was expecting this LO to be born around 1st June, so those 2 weeks are going to be bad.
> 
> Today is exactly three months to the day and date we found our LO had died. Feeling so sad again, it`s just not fair is it?
> 
> We are in Wales now and my DH and 2 older kids went to mass yesterday as Easter sunday, my lad is 10, such a cring and sensitive little boy, my DH told me he lit a candle for the baby, this made me fill up to think my son still thinks of his sibling.
> 
> It`s 3 weeks and 2 days now until I see the professor, so I am really hoping that we can then start to make some decisions.
> 
> My DH is like you, if he could wave a magic wand and know everything would be ok, he would have another.
> 
> Hope these days pass peacefully for you.
> 
> lisa xx
> 
> 
> Hi lisa how are things going your end. :flower:
> 
> Ive been keeping busy and been....as we have opened a shop in the village. Babies have been coming in and ive been giving them a cuddle.
> 
> Today i had to have a blood test at the drs. To see if my blood clots that were found in my placenta, were caused by my body or if they happened because of Samuels cord. Im feeling quite positive about it...which is not like me!
> 
> I had a water infection last week and as it was at night time so i took a few antibiotics which i had left over from having Samuel. Well they then in turn have played my stomach up no end, Cramping and aches on/off all day. The water infection has cleared up. Yes i know i should of gone to the drs about it in the first place but i really do seem to get stressed and worried about everything. If you google something it tells you that all your limbs will fall off and green puss will explode from your head (if you know what i mean). Im trying not to worry about things or think too much in depth about things. The stomach ache is getting better but im still feel quite delicate. When i took them before i had the same thing but i thought it was because i was loosing Samuel.
> 
> I hope Wales was a nice break for you and that you all had time to relax. With any luck the professor can give you the news that your looking for. Anybody that can give you the information that you need to help you and point you in the right direction is a god send. I ask every dr i see the same questions and they all will say different things in a different way.
> 
> Please take care and hope to chat soon.
> 
> SarahClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah,
> 
> i know what you mean about reading symptons on the net, it makes you think you`re going to die of some terrible unheard of disease!
> 
> we had a nice break in Wales and we are now looking forward to Euro Disney in June.
> 
> Only 8 days now til I have my hospital appoinment and i am starting to worry i`ll be told something i don`t want to hear.
> 
> Sorry you are feeling a bit off colour, hopefully you will start feeling better soon. A little nice weather would help a lot.
> 
> i assume the shop you have opened in the village is in Studley - what`s the name of the shop? As I have said previously, we know Studley as my daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School (started at the junior school), but from next week for a few weeks they will be at a school in Astwood Bank.
> 
> i hope your docs results are ok - if it is due to clotting then i think that can be sorted by taking baby asprin when you are pregnant again.
> 
> look after yourself and speak soon.
> 
> lisa :hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa , I hope all is well your end and everything went to plan at the hospital. With any luck you know whats happening for the good. Your break in Euro disney will do you all some good.:flower:
> 
> This urine infection got the better of me and i had to go to the drs. Who informed me that they had a problem with the blood test they had taken 3 days before. Well before they could say anymore i was shaking, crying and just in a panic. They told me at the time the results would take about 7-10 days. I assumed as it had only been 3 days that there must be a big problem. It turned out there was an admin problem.....so had to have another test which i had to take to the Alex as it was a Fri night. My bp was 160/105 i was getting myself in a right state.Now im waiting the results from the new test.Then she tells me my smear is due. I feel its just one thing after another and i cant seem to cope with things very well at the moment. Well its been since i found i was expecting there was one problem after another. I keep getting told off for being so negative all the time. Samuels due date was yesterday, i was going to go out but the weather was just so bad i didnt bother.
> 
> The little shop is a vintage/ retro shop in between the wedding centre and primrose hospice. ( or as i call it more a "junk shop" )Im just trying to get my feet on the ground with it. I dont know if its wise opening a shop, but words getting around and were getting alot of dealers buying from us.
> 
> Well please take care of yourself :hugs:
> 
> All the best
> Sarah xxClick to expand...

Hi Sarah, it`s only natural to feel negative when you have been what we have been through. Especially when you have passed your due date as well.
i hope everything gets sorted with the blood tests.
I will be in Studley later as we will be eating at the Barley Mow whilst my duaghter does her gymnastics, which for now is at Ridgeway middle school in astwood bank.

My hospital appoinment went well. The professor said it was very unusual to have lost a baby when we did especially after having had a healthy nuchal scan. I thought she was going to say not to try again until they have an answer, but it was the opposite.
they can`t start any treatments until you are actually PG. They tried to put our minds at rest, especially DH who is so worried. Our chances of another MC are 1 in 2 due to my age, but we knew that already and hopefully the one I lost was our 1 in 2!
Anyway, they took a load of blood from me - 7 tubes in total and will be testing for all sorts of things. They are hoping it is one of those things, then they know what needs to be done, if it isn`t one of those things then we have to see what happens.
I am going back 19th june for the results.
We have decided therefore to TTC immediately and see what happens!
If and when we do get PG they have promised they will look after us to ensure that if something does go wrong again, to make sure we don`t get as fer as we did last time.
Therefore once PG i will have to go to Heartlands once every 2 weeks and each time i go i will be scanned. So, I could be about 7 weeks PG at my next appoinment which they said would be perfect.
All we can do is hope that all goes well and we get our rainbow and trust in the people who have promised to look after us.
Hopefully everything will come right for you too and hope the shop goes well. 
Speak soon,
Lisa xxx


----------



## dancareoi

Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.


----------



## Bride2b

Lisa I am pleased your doctors told you that you can ttc again, and there was 'nothing' wrong. When they told me there was 'nothing' wrong I couldnt get my head round it. I really hope all your blood work comes back fine. It just seems like they take so much - I never got anything back from mine. I am still TTC, which is proving frustrating as my LP has been all over the place. Last cycle it was only 8 days - which is crap and implantation cant happen with a LP that short. So I am off for CD21 blood tests this cycle to see whats going on!

Keep us updated with your ttc a rainbow journey. I wish you all the luck xxx


----------



## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Lisa I am pleased your doctors told you that you can ttc again, and there was 'nothing' wrong. When they told me there was 'nothing' wrong I couldnt get my head round it. I really hope all your blood work comes back fine. It just seems like they take so much - I never got anything back from mine. I am still TTC, which is proving frustrating as my LP has been all over the place. Last cycle it was only 8 days - which is crap and implantation cant happen with a LP that short. So I am off for CD21 blood tests this cycle to see whats going on!
> 
> Keep us updated with your ttc a rainbow journey. I wish you all the luck xxx

Hi Gemma, I will keep my fingers crossed that everything works out for you as well.


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.


Hi Lisa, how you doing? Ive been thinking about you wondering how you have been getting on. I hope things are going to plan for you. 

Yes Reminisce is me, its a hard word to spell.... It started off as a little vintage shop, now its like a junk filled car boot in one room. Ive been getting so much stuff in which in turn has made me busy. So ive not been on here much.

Ive been stressing out alot over things mainly health problems. My BP was a bit high for a while because or stressing. Im still overweight and have not lost anything even though ive been trying to keep fit. The Urine infection took nearly 2 months to clear. My blood test came back ok but i still worry about things. I think worrying about things have given me other health problems. It seemed all the time i was expecting i just had one problem after another like something was trying to stop thing progressing. Ive got to go back to the drs next week for a check up to see how im feeling. They have given me medication to relax me but ive not taken them. Ive had ear pain, vertigo, sickness, head ache, swollen knee, stomach cramps the list just goes on and on. These are all things that i didnt have before i lost Samuel. I dont know whats going on with my body:wacko:

Anyway other than that the weather is rubbish at the moment as you know and that makes you feel quite down and low. All last week the house was up side down due to leaks, boilers and pipes etc now its my garden with slabs, bricks,walls,rubbish and mud lol. Dont you just love being upside down :haha:


So please take care and keep dry:rain::rain::rain:

Sarah x


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, how you doing? Ive been thinking about you wondering how you have been getting on. I hope things are going to plan for you.
> 
> Yes Reminisce is me, its a hard word to spell.... It started off as a little vintage shop, now its like a junk filled car boot in one room. Ive been getting so much stuff in which in turn has made me busy. So ive not been on here much.
> 
> Ive been stressing out alot over things mainly health problems. My BP was a bit high for a while because or stressing. Im still overweight and have not lost anything even though ive been trying to keep fit. The Urine infection took nearly 2 months to clear. My blood test came back ok but i still worry about things. I think worrying about things have given me other health problems. It seemed all the time i was expecting i just had one problem after another like something was trying to stop thing progressing. Ive got to go back to the drs next week for a check up to see how im feeling. They have given me medication to relax me but ive not taken them. Ive had ear pain, vertigo, sickness, head ache, swollen knee, stomach cramps the list just goes on and on. These are all things that i didnt have before i lost Samuel. I dont know whats going on with my body:wacko:
> 
> Anyway other than that the weather is rubbish at the moment as you know and that makes you feel quite down and low. All last week the house was up side down due to leaks, boilers and pipes etc now its my garden with slabs, bricks,walls,rubbish and mud lol. Dont you just love being upside down :haha:
> 
> 
> So please take care and keep dry:rain::rain::rain:
> 
> Sarah xClick to expand...

Hi Sarah, good to hear from you. I know it`s so much easier to say than to do, but you need to try and relax - says me who go so worked up a couple of months ago at our first month of TTC again that we DTD every day for about 10 days so by the time D-day came we were both so tired and fed up, it didn`t work!!!:dohh:

sisnce my MC in Jan i have managed to lose just over a stone in weight - finding it difficult now to go any lower, but i`ll keep trying. I am also taking pregnacare pre-conception tablets.

We have had two cycles to try and so far no luck - last month we were in euro disney and came back day of positive OPK, but too tired to BD, by the time we did, it had been a while, as sharing a room with 3 kids on holiday means you can`t get up to much, so the spermies i think we a little old and tired!!! :dohh:

It has all come as a shock to me this TTC and nothing happening as it has always happened first time before - then again being 40 probably isn`t helping.:growlmad:

Different plan for this month - every other day, let`s see if that works. I`ve made excuses the last 2 months for it not working - so if it doesn`t happen this month, I will have run out of excuses.

First month I was so upset, but I am trying to be more upbeat and positive, hoping that will help.

Have you thought of having a massage or something like that to relax you. I have also heard from other ladies that acupuncture is supposed to be very good for your Chi!

I have also bought myself some relaxing CDs of Ebay, deep meditation and rain forest sounds!! just need to try and find time to listen to them now.:wacko:

As you say, the weather is not helping at all - so depressing.:rain:

tonight we have an outside BBQ at my son`s nursery, a leaving party for the ones starting school - hoping it drys up.

School fayre tomorrow afternoon, so i think it will be rain coats and brollies.:dohh:

i hope your business keeps going well.

Look after yourself and speak soon.

Lisa:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, how you doing? Ive been thinking about you wondering how you have been getting on. I hope things are going to plan for you.
> 
> Yes Reminisce is me, its a hard word to spell.... It started off as a little vintage shop, now its like a junk filled car boot in one room. Ive been getting so much stuff in which in turn has made me busy. So ive not been on here much.
> 
> Ive been stressing out alot over things mainly health problems. My BP was a bit high for a while because or stressing. Im still overweight and have not lost anything even though ive been trying to keep fit. The Urine infection took nearly 2 months to clear. My blood test came back ok but i still worry about things. I think worrying about things have given me other health problems. It seemed all the time i was expecting i just had one problem after another like something was trying to stop thing progressing. Ive got to go back to the drs next week for a check up to see how im feeling. They have given me medication to relax me but ive not taken them. Ive had ear pain, vertigo, sickness, head ache, swollen knee, stomach cramps the list just goes on and on. These are all things that i didnt have before i lost Samuel. I dont know whats going on with my body:wacko:
> 
> Anyway other than that the weather is rubbish at the moment as you know and that makes you feel quite down and low. All last week the house was up side down due to leaks, boilers and pipes etc now its my garden with slabs, bricks,walls,rubbish and mud lol. Dont you just love being upside down :haha:
> 
> 
> So please take care and keep dry:rain::rain::rain:
> 
> Sarah xClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, good to hear from you. I know it`s so much easier to say than to do, but you need to try and relax - says me who go so worked up a couple of months ago at our first month of TTC again that we DTD every day for about 10 days so by the time D-day came we were both so tired and fed up, it didn`t work!!!:dohh:
> 
> sisnce my MC in Jan i have managed to lose just over a stone in weight - finding it difficult now to go any lower, but i`ll keep trying. I am also taking pregnacare pre-conception tablets.
> 
> We have had two cycles to try and so far no luck - last month we were in euro disney and came back day of positive OPK, but too tired to BD, by the time we did, it had been a while, as sharing a room with 3 kids on holiday means you can`t get up to much, so the spermies i think we a little old and tired!!! :dohh:
> 
> It has all come as a shock to me this TTC and nothing happening as it has always happened first time before - then again being 40 probably isn`t helping.:growlmad:
> 
> Different plan for this month - every other day, let`s see if that works. I`ve made excuses the last 2 months for it not working - so if it doesn`t happen this month, I will have run out of excuses.
> 
> First month I was so upset, but I am trying to be more upbeat and positive, hoping that will help.
> 
> Have you thought of having a massage or something like that to relax you. I have also heard from other ladies that acupuncture is supposed to be very good for your Chi!
> 
> I have also bought myself some relaxing CDs of Ebay, deep meditation and rain forest sounds!! just need to try and find time to listen to them now.:wacko:
> 
> As you say, the weather is not helping at all - so depressing.:rain:
> 
> tonight we have an outside BBQ at my son`s nursery, a leaving party for the ones starting school - hoping it drys up.
> 
> School fayre tomorrow afternoon, so i think it will be rain coats and brollies.:dohh:
> 
> i hope your business keeps going well.
> 
> Look after yourself and speak soon.
> 
> Lisa:hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...


Hi lisa, so pleased that you have lost the weight Well done:happydance: Im real pleased for you. :thumbup: I run about 2 miles a day, ive cut down on fat, eating more fruit and i lost about 3-4 lb. This has been since Dec.... so not getting anywhere. 

I know i would also feel down if i had been :sex: and i wasnt :bfp: . Sometimes i think we try too much and focus on it and it just doesnt happen. Its when your not trying it will happen. I thought it would never happen to me as my OH never had any children and was told he could have with IVF. Then all of a sudden i was expecting and it just wouldnt sink in. I would love another but i dont think at the moment my head could cope with it. I would worry all the time. I dont know if i could go through all the upset again. 

I think we both should try and relax :hugs: , we would if the weather was better. 

nice to chat and speak soon Sarah:flower:


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, how you doing? Ive been thinking about you wondering how you have been getting on. I hope things are going to plan for you.
> 
> Yes Reminisce is me, its a hard word to spell.... It started off as a little vintage shop, now its like a junk filled car boot in one room. Ive been getting so much stuff in which in turn has made me busy. So ive not been on here much.
> 
> Ive been stressing out alot over things mainly health problems. My BP was a bit high for a while because or stressing. Im still overweight and have not lost anything even though ive been trying to keep fit. The Urine infection took nearly 2 months to clear. My blood test came back ok but i still worry about things. I think worrying about things have given me other health problems. It seemed all the time i was expecting i just had one problem after another like something was trying to stop thing progressing. Ive got to go back to the drs next week for a check up to see how im feeling. They have given me medication to relax me but ive not taken them. Ive had ear pain, vertigo, sickness, head ache, swollen knee, stomach cramps the list just goes on and on. These are all things that i didnt have before i lost Samuel. I dont know whats going on with my body:wacko:
> 
> Anyway other than that the weather is rubbish at the moment as you know and that makes you feel quite down and low. All last week the house was up side down due to leaks, boilers and pipes etc now its my garden with slabs, bricks,walls,rubbish and mud lol. Dont you just love being upside down :haha:
> 
> 
> So please take care and keep dry:rain::rain::rain:
> 
> Sarah xClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, good to hear from you. I know it`s so much easier to say than to do, but you need to try and relax - says me who go so worked up a couple of months ago at our first month of TTC again that we DTD every day for about 10 days so by the time D-day came we were both so tired and fed up, it didn`t work!!!:dohh:
> 
> sisnce my MC in Jan i have managed to lose just over a stone in weight - finding it difficult now to go any lower, but i`ll keep trying. I am also taking pregnacare pre-conception tablets.
> 
> We have had two cycles to try and so far no luck - last month we were in euro disney and came back day of positive OPK, but too tired to BD, by the time we did, it had been a while, as sharing a room with 3 kids on holiday means you can`t get up to much, so the spermies i think we a little old and tired!!! :dohh:
> 
> It has all come as a shock to me this TTC and nothing happening as it has always happened first time before - then again being 40 probably isn`t helping.:growlmad:
> 
> Different plan for this month - every other day, let`s see if that works. I`ve made excuses the last 2 months for it not working - so if it doesn`t happen this month, I will have run out of excuses.
> 
> First month I was so upset, but I am trying to be more upbeat and positive, hoping that will help.
> 
> Have you thought of having a massage or something like that to relax you. I have also heard from other ladies that acupuncture is supposed to be very good for your Chi!
> 
> I have also bought myself some relaxing CDs of Ebay, deep meditation and rain forest sounds!! just need to try and find time to listen to them now.:wacko:
> 
> As you say, the weather is not helping at all - so depressing.:rain:
> 
> tonight we have an outside BBQ at my son`s nursery, a leaving party for the ones starting school - hoping it drys up.
> 
> School fayre tomorrow afternoon, so i think it will be rain coats and brollies.:dohh:
> 
> i hope your business keeps going well.
> 
> Look after yourself and speak soon.
> 
> Lisa:hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi lisa, so pleased that you have lost the weight Well done:happydance: Im real pleased for you. :thumbup: I run about 2 miles a day, ive cut down on fat, eating more fruit and i lost about 3-4 lb. This has been since Dec.... so not getting anywhere.
> 
> I know i would also feel down if i had been :sex: and i wasnt :bfp: . Sometimes i think we try too much and focus on it and it just doesnt happen. Its when your not trying it will happen. I thought it would never happen to me as my OH never had any children and was told he could have with IVF. Then all of a sudden i was expecting and it just wouldnt sink in. I would love another but i dont think at the moment my head could cope with it. I would worry all the time. I dont know if i could go through all the upset again.
> 
> I think we both should try and relax :hugs: , we would if the weather was better.
> 
> nice to chat and speak soon Sarah:flower:Click to expand...

Hi Sarah, how are you?

We are off to Butlins for a week tomorrow so thought I would drop in and catch up before we go away.

i had decided to stop all the FF charting when i got my AF again last week, I am getting too stressed by all the sympton spotting. however, i discovered last Sunday that my LP is only 9 days!!!!

If it`s not one thing, it`s something else. Anyway went to see doctor and i am now taking 50mg of B6 each day, as this hopefully should extend LP. Docs are also going to take blood tests the next 2 cycles to make sure I am actually OV, so we`ll see what happens there.

I have also booked a consultation with an actupuncturist. i have read this is supposed to help with conception!!!

He is based in solihull and recommends 8 treatments, so i will be starting that in September.

i hate needles, but i figure it can`t do any harm.

Hope you are keeping well and the shop is still doing well.

Look after yourself and speak soon.:hugs:


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, how you doing? Ive been thinking about you wondering how you have been getting on. I hope things are going to plan for you.
> 
> Yes Reminisce is me, its a hard word to spell.... It started off as a little vintage shop, now its like a junk filled car boot in one room. Ive been getting so much stuff in which in turn has made me busy. So ive not been on here much.
> 
> Ive been stressing out alot over things mainly health problems. My BP was a bit high for a while because or stressing. Im still overweight and have not lost anything even though ive been trying to keep fit. The Urine infection took nearly 2 months to clear. My blood test came back ok but i still worry about things. I think worrying about things have given me other health problems. It seemed all the time i was expecting i just had one problem after another like something was trying to stop thing progressing. Ive got to go back to the drs next week for a check up to see how im feeling. They have given me medication to relax me but ive not taken them. Ive had ear pain, vertigo, sickness, head ache, swollen knee, stomach cramps the list just goes on and on. These are all things that i didnt have before i lost Samuel. I dont know whats going on with my body:wacko:
> 
> Anyway other than that the weather is rubbish at the moment as you know and that makes you feel quite down and low. All last week the house was up side down due to leaks, boilers and pipes etc now its my garden with slabs, bricks,walls,rubbish and mud lol. Dont you just love being upside down :haha:
> 
> 
> So please take care and keep dry:rain::rain::rain:
> 
> Sarah xClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, good to hear from you. I know it`s so much easier to say than to do, but you need to try and relax - says me who go so worked up a couple of months ago at our first month of TTC again that we DTD every day for about 10 days so by the time D-day came we were both so tired and fed up, it didn`t work!!!:dohh:
> 
> sisnce my MC in Jan i have managed to lose just over a stone in weight - finding it difficult now to go any lower, but i`ll keep trying. I am also taking pregnacare pre-conception tablets.
> 
> We have had two cycles to try and so far no luck - last month we were in euro disney and came back day of positive OPK, but too tired to BD, by the time we did, it had been a while, as sharing a room with 3 kids on holiday means you can`t get up to much, so the spermies i think we a little old and tired!!! :dohh:
> 
> It has all come as a shock to me this TTC and nothing happening as it has always happened first time before - then again being 40 probably isn`t helping.:growlmad:
> 
> Different plan for this month - every other day, let`s see if that works. I`ve made excuses the last 2 months for it not working - so if it doesn`t happen this month, I will have run out of excuses.
> 
> First month I was so upset, but I am trying to be more upbeat and positive, hoping that will help.
> 
> Have you thought of having a massage or something like that to relax you. I have also heard from other ladies that acupuncture is supposed to be very good for your Chi!
> 
> I have also bought myself some relaxing CDs of Ebay, deep meditation and rain forest sounds!! just need to try and find time to listen to them now.:wacko:
> 
> As you say, the weather is not helping at all - so depressing.:rain:
> 
> tonight we have an outside BBQ at my son`s nursery, a leaving party for the ones starting school - hoping it drys up.
> 
> School fayre tomorrow afternoon, so i think it will be rain coats and brollies.:dohh:
> 
> i hope your business keeps going well.
> 
> Look after yourself and speak soon.
> 
> Lisa:hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi lisa, so pleased that you have lost the weight Well done:happydance: Im real pleased for you. :thumbup: I run about 2 miles a day, ive cut down on fat, eating more fruit and i lost about 3-4 lb. This has been since Dec.... so not getting anywhere.
> 
> I know i would also feel down if i had been :sex: and i wasnt :bfp: . Sometimes i think we try too much and focus on it and it just doesnt happen. Its when your not trying it will happen. I thought it would never happen to me as my OH never had any children and was told he could have with IVF. Then all of a sudden i was expecting and it just wouldnt sink in. I would love another but i dont think at the moment my head could cope with it. I would worry all the time. I dont know if i could go through all the upset again.
> 
> I think we both should try and relax :hugs: , we would if the weather was better.
> 
> nice to chat and speak soon Sarah:flower:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, how are you?
> 
> We are off to Butlins for a week tomorrow so thought I would drop in and catch up before we go away.
> 
> i had decided to stop all the FF charting when i got my AF again last week, I am getting too stressed by all the sympton spotting. however, i discovered last Sunday that my LP is only 9 days!!!!
> 
> If it`s not one thing, it`s something else. Anyway went to see doctor and i am now taking 50mg of B6 each day, as this hopefully should extend LP. Docs are also going to take blood tests the next 2 cycles to make sure I am actually OV, so we`ll see what happens there.
> 
> I have also booked a consultation with an actupuncturist. i have read this is supposed to help with conception!!!
> 
> He is based in solihull and recommends 8 treatments, so i will be starting that in September.
> 
> i hate needles, but i figure it can`t do any harm.
> 
> Hope you are keeping well and the shop is still doing well.
> 
> Look after yourself and speak soon.:hugs:Click to expand...



Hi Lisa, How did butlins go? I hope you and your family had a nice break , its good to have time away to clear your head and take your mind off of things.

Your not the only one that hates needles, i hate them big time. However there are times when you just have to have them. Ive been informed the needles that they use are not like normal drs needles. They say they dont hurt but ive never had them done so i cant say.

We were due to go away with the kids however im still not feeling right. Ive been having real bad pains in my stomach area as well as a swelling on the right side of my stomach which comes and goes. Three drs have told me i have a hernia by my stomach. I have heartburn, tightening and pain. They dont know what the swelling is.......Its been making me a nervous wreck to tell you the truth wondering whats wrong with me.They cant seem to feel anything even though it feels tender when they press. At times it hurts just to drink water. My hair is falling out , im pale and i just cant think straight at times. My OH thinks its all in my head but its very real. Im waiting for an US to see if ive got gallbladder problems etc.. I worried to know whats wrong with me but im also worried to go to the dr to find out if you can make sense of that!

Other than that the poor kids have not been up to much, because of all my problems. Or as my daughter quoted since you have had Samuel you have not been well. :nope: So now were have to wait to half term before we can take them out.

I feel on my own alot of the time, i like to talk about things but i dont wont to come across as im moaning every five minutes. At times i dont know what or why all this is happening to me. Ive been going to the drs every few weeks for the last year and im getting a bit fed up now. 

My plan is to get better and sought my life out and be fit. i still would like another child but im not sure this is going to happen. 

The kids are back to school soon so everything should go back to normal work wise, then before you know it its xmas!:happydance:

Anyway take care and sending you good wishes :hugs:

Sarahx


----------



## jessandaj

Im so sorry for you're loss :( i know plenty of people who have unplanned pregnancy when they didin't want to and they lose the baby and then that joy and thinking of the baby to be and motherhood they want to get pregnant again because they just feel lost like you say :( maybe try and talk to him about the way you feel and how you want to have another baby and the time is ticking for it and it just gets more hard and dangerous


----------



## dancareoi

jessandaj said:


> Im so sorry for you're loss :( i know plenty of people who have unplanned pregnancy when they didin't want to and they lose the baby and then that joy and thinking of the baby to be and motherhood they want to get pregnant again because they just feel lost like you say :( maybe try and talk to him about the way you feel and how you want to have another baby and the time is ticking for it and it just gets more hard and dangerous

Hi, we are now trying and hoping for our rainbow. I hope all works for you too:hugs:


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Think i saw your shop last night - is it called Reminisence? Sorry if I spelt it wrong.
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, how you doing? Ive been thinking about you wondering how you have been getting on. I hope things are going to plan for you.
> 
> Yes Reminisce is me, its a hard word to spell.... It started off as a little vintage shop, now its like a junk filled car boot in one room. Ive been getting so much stuff in which in turn has made me busy. So ive not been on here much.
> 
> Ive been stressing out alot over things mainly health problems. My BP was a bit high for a while because or stressing. Im still overweight and have not lost anything even though ive been trying to keep fit. The Urine infection took nearly 2 months to clear. My blood test came back ok but i still worry about things. I think worrying about things have given me other health problems. It seemed all the time i was expecting i just had one problem after another like something was trying to stop thing progressing. Ive got to go back to the drs next week for a check up to see how im feeling. They have given me medication to relax me but ive not taken them. Ive had ear pain, vertigo, sickness, head ache, swollen knee, stomach cramps the list just goes on and on. These are all things that i didnt have before i lost Samuel. I dont know whats going on with my body:wacko:
> 
> Anyway other than that the weather is rubbish at the moment as you know and that makes you feel quite down and low. All last week the house was up side down due to leaks, boilers and pipes etc now its my garden with slabs, bricks,walls,rubbish and mud lol. Dont you just love being upside down :haha:
> 
> 
> So please take care and keep dry:rain::rain::rain:
> 
> Sarah xClick to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, good to hear from you. I know it`s so much easier to say than to do, but you need to try and relax - says me who go so worked up a couple of months ago at our first month of TTC again that we DTD every day for about 10 days so by the time D-day came we were both so tired and fed up, it didn`t work!!!:dohh:
> 
> sisnce my MC in Jan i have managed to lose just over a stone in weight - finding it difficult now to go any lower, but i`ll keep trying. I am also taking pregnacare pre-conception tablets.
> 
> We have had two cycles to try and so far no luck - last month we were in euro disney and came back day of positive OPK, but too tired to BD, by the time we did, it had been a while, as sharing a room with 3 kids on holiday means you can`t get up to much, so the spermies i think we a little old and tired!!! :dohh:
> 
> It has all come as a shock to me this TTC and nothing happening as it has always happened first time before - then again being 40 probably isn`t helping.:growlmad:
> 
> Different plan for this month - every other day, let`s see if that works. I`ve made excuses the last 2 months for it not working - so if it doesn`t happen this month, I will have run out of excuses.
> 
> First month I was so upset, but I am trying to be more upbeat and positive, hoping that will help.
> 
> Have you thought of having a massage or something like that to relax you. I have also heard from other ladies that acupuncture is supposed to be very good for your Chi!
> 
> I have also bought myself some relaxing CDs of Ebay, deep meditation and rain forest sounds!! just need to try and find time to listen to them now.:wacko:
> 
> As you say, the weather is not helping at all - so depressing.:rain:
> 
> tonight we have an outside BBQ at my son`s nursery, a leaving party for the ones starting school - hoping it drys up.
> 
> School fayre tomorrow afternoon, so i think it will be rain coats and brollies.:dohh:
> 
> i hope your business keeps going well.
> 
> Look after yourself and speak soon.
> 
> Lisa:hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi lisa, so pleased that you have lost the weight Well done:happydance: Im real pleased for you. :thumbup: I run about 2 miles a day, ive cut down on fat, eating more fruit and i lost about 3-4 lb. This has been since Dec.... so not getting anywhere.
> 
> I know i would also feel down if i had been :sex: and i wasnt :bfp: . Sometimes i think we try too much and focus on it and it just doesnt happen. Its when your not trying it will happen. I thought it would never happen to me as my OH never had any children and was told he could have with IVF. Then all of a sudden i was expecting and it just wouldnt sink in. I would love another but i dont think at the moment my head could cope with it. I would worry all the time. I dont know if i could go through all the upset again.
> 
> I think we both should try and relax :hugs: , we would if the weather was better.
> 
> nice to chat and speak soon Sarah:flower:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Sarah, how are you?
> 
> We are off to Butlins for a week tomorrow so thought I would drop in and catch up before we go away.
> 
> i had decided to stop all the FF charting when i got my AF again last week, I am getting too stressed by all the sympton spotting. however, i discovered last Sunday that my LP is only 9 days!!!!
> 
> If it`s not one thing, it`s something else. Anyway went to see doctor and i am now taking 50mg of B6 each day, as this hopefully should extend LP. Docs are also going to take blood tests the next 2 cycles to make sure I am actually OV, so we`ll see what happens there.
> 
> I have also booked a consultation with an actupuncturist. i have read this is supposed to help with conception!!!
> 
> He is based in solihull and recommends 8 treatments, so i will be starting that in September.
> 
> i hate needles, but i figure it can`t do any harm.
> 
> Hope you are keeping well and the shop is still doing well.
> 
> Look after yourself and speak soon.:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> Hi Lisa, How did butlins go? I hope you and your family had a nice break , its good to have time away to clear your head and take your mind off of things.
> 
> Your not the only one that hates needles, i hate them big time. However there are times when you just have to have them. Ive been informed the needles that they use are not like normal drs needles. They say they dont hurt but ive never had them done so i cant say.
> 
> We were due to go away with the kids however im still not feeling right. Ive been having real bad pains in my stomach area as well as a swelling on the right side of my stomach which comes and goes. Three drs have told me i have a hernia by my stomach. I have heartburn, tightening and pain. They dont know what the swelling is.......Its been making me a nervous wreck to tell you the truth wondering whats wrong with me.They cant seem to feel anything even though it feels tender when they press. At times it hurts just to drink water. My hair is falling out , im pale and i just cant think straight at times. My OH thinks its all in my head but its very real. Im waiting for an US to see if ive got gallbladder problems etc.. I worried to know whats wrong with me but im also worried to go to the dr to find out if you can make sense of that!
> 
> Other than that the poor kids have not been up to much, because of all my problems. Or as my daughter quoted since you have had Samuel you have not been well. :nope: So now were have to wait to half term before we can take them out.
> 
> I feel on my own alot of the time, i like to talk about things but i dont wont to come across as im moaning every five minutes. At times i dont know what or why all this is happening to me. Ive been going to the drs every few weeks for the last year and im getting a bit fed up now.
> 
> My plan is to get better and sought my life out and be fit. i still would like another child but im not sure this is going to happen.
> 
> The kids are back to school soon so everything should go back to normal work wise, then before you know it its xmas!:happydance:
> 
> Anyway take care and sending you good wishes :hugs:
> 
> SarahxClick to expand...

Hi Sarah, so sorry you are feeling so unwell, it must be so worrying and frustrating.

I know what you mean about wanting to sort it out, but being worried about what you will find.

Hopefully, they will find the answer and it will be something that they can easily deal with which will get you on the mend. I am always popping in here if you want a chat.

Buntlins was great and now we are in Wales.our kids holiday has been extended for a week due to building work at school, so they are not back til 10th sept. my ds is sitting the 11+ entrance exams soon, the first one is next week for Birmingham and the week after for Stratford, so we are really nervous at the moment!

Hope you feel better soon, as I said, I'm always around if you need a chat, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to moan to.:hugs::hugs:

Speak soon, look after yourself

Lisa :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## majored

Hi lisa, Im glad you and your family had a great time at Butlins, i like Butlins too but ive not been there for many years. Exams are always a stressful time and i hope they get the results that they wish for. I wouldnt want to be doing them thats for sure!

I had an us done and they were unable to find anything even in the swollen area. They think its my stomach or bowel so more tests will need to be carried out. I feel better knowing its not my gallbladder, liver etc. However im still in pain on/off and they have not found the answer to the swelling yet so who knows!

Weve had some lovely weather the last week just as the kids go back to school. We have been doing our garden slabs, walls , paths etc. So everything its in a bit of a mess our end we need to get it finished before the cold sets in, which could be just around the corner.

How are things your end what have you been up to?

Take care and hope to chat soon xx


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> Hi lisa, Im glad you and your family had a great time at Butlins, i like Butlins too but ive not been there for many years. Exams are always a stressful time and i hope they get the results that they wish for. I wouldnt want to be doing them thats for sure!
> 
> I had an us done and they were unable to find anything even in the swollen area. They think its my stomach or bowel so more tests will need to be carried out. I feel better knowing its not my gallbladder, liver etc. However im still in pain on/off and they have not found the answer to the swelling yet so who knows!
> 
> Weve had some lovely weather the last week just as the kids go back to school. We have been doing our garden slabs, walls , paths etc. So everything its in a bit of a mess our end we need to get it finished before the cold sets in, which could be just around the corner.
> 
> How are things your end what have you been up to?
> 
> Take care and hope to chat soon xx

At least the us was clear so that's something. Hopefully the other tests will find something. That's sounds a bit mean doesn't it? What I mean is if they find something at least they can sort it out.

Kids have gone back to school today so trying to get back into a routine again now.

Ds sat bham 11+ exam on sat, he's not sure how he did! We've got the Stratford one this sat and then it's just a case of waiting to see what happens!

Hope you feel better soon,

Lisa xx


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## dancareoi

Hi Sarah, did you see my ticker?

I have been keeping it quiet but I got ' outed' on another thread cos someone looked at my fertility friend chart.

Really really worried though, as you can imagine.

I was at the Alex on Tuesday morning to see the diabetic nurse. First time I'd been there since jan, thought about going into the memorial garden, but I couldn't do it.

I'm at heartlands tomorrow having an early scan, so scared!


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## jessandaj

BIG BIG BIG CONGRATS TO YOUUU !!!!!!! 

very happy and healthy 9 months :)


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## majored

dancareoi said:


> Hi Sarah, did you see my ticker?
> 
> I have been keeping it quiet but I got ' outed' on another thread cos someone looked at my fertility friend chart.
> 
> Really really worried though, as you can imagine.
> 
> I was at the Alex on Tuesday morning to see the diabetic nurse. First time I'd been there since jan, thought about going into the memorial garden, but I couldn't do it.
> 
> I'm at heartlands tomorrow having an early scan, so scared!

Hi Lisa, oh im so pleased for you both.......:flower:
I would also be very scared and worried if i was in the same position as you, however its only natural for you to feel like that. Im sure everyone has the same feelings. 

Other than being worried how are you feeling i bet you were very pleased?

I still have Samuels ashes at the moment, i didnt want them in the memorial garden just in case we moved house. I then would be too far away if i wanted to visit. 

How did you get on at heartlands? 

Im taking some new tablets for my stomach which seems to be helping with the pain but the swelling is still there, which worries sick. Ive had to do a sample for them to test to see if i have helicobacter. slightly worried that it could be something else instead. If this comes back as normal, i may end up having to have a camera down & up. I cant cope with it all to tell you the truth......feed up with feeling stressed all the time and being in pain day in and day out. I wont know the results till Friday. ~i get worried about what they are going to think up next, i just wish i didnt worry but i have to take one day at a time. 

im so happy for you really i am:happydance: I wish i could be well and be there with you too.:hugs:

take care xx


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## Pink_Sparkle

Congratulations! H&H 9 months xxx


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## dancareoi

Hi Sarah, sorry you are still not well.

Hopefully you will get some positive feedback on Friday and hopefully they will be able to find what the problem is and sort it for you, so you can get back on your feet properly and start looking ahead.

Scan last Friday was fine, so far so good and measuring to my dates. Still early days though. We have another scan at heartlands next wednesday. They will then scan me again on 10 th October.

I have an appointment in diabetic clinic at Alex on 8th October. The midwife came to see my Monday and I have scan at alex on 17 th oct.

Midwife asked what we were going to do about a nuchal scan. The Alex now do them but they only have 85% detection rate and if baby not in right place and they can't get a good luck, they won't try again, you then have to wait for results.

The last couple of times we have been to mums in Solihull for a private nuchal. Their detection rate is 97% and you get the results the same day.

Hubby is very reluctant to go back there as last December we had ns at 12 weeks and
They said how perfect it all was but a week later baby died. Somehow I think he blames them.

I did mention it to him yesterday but he doesn't want to think that far ahead yet. Just wants to take each step at a time. Next step is the second scan next wed.

I am now feeling very very tired each day and feeling sick most of the day as well. Seems to get worse as the days goes on. 

I've been in studies the last 2 Tuesday's. Dd gymnastics has started up again at studies high school, so whilst she is doing that we have a carvery in the barley mow!

Look after yourself and let me know how you get on on Friday.:hugs:


----------



## dancareoi

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.
> 
> I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. :cry: I really do feel for you.

Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.

Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.

If you need a chat or just a cry im here. :flower: Please take care xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry::cry: Oh Lisa........... I am SO SO SO sorry. OMG I am almost in tears here. oh Lisa, i wish I could hug you. My heart is just broken for you. I am here lisa if you ever need to talk, I am just in shock right now. OXOXO
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.
> 
> I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.
> 
> Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. :cry: I really do feel for you.
> 
> Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.
> 
> Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.
> 
> If you need a chat or just a cry im here. :flower: Please take care xxClick to expand...

Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?

You are so right, life is so unfair.

I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.

Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.

The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.:nope:


----------



## Pink_Sparkle

I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx


----------



## dancareoi

Pink_Sparkle said:


> I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx

Thank you for your kind words.

Sorry for your loss too, it is so hard isn't it?:hugs:


----------



## Pink_Sparkle

dancareoi said:


> Pink_Sparkle said:
> 
> 
> I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx
> 
> Thank you for your kind words.
> 
> Sorry for your loss too, it is so hard isn't it?:hugs:Click to expand...

Thanks hun, its very hard. Life is so cruel and unfair. I see youve had a few losses already, if anyone deserves a rainbow its you. Freya took us a long time to conceive (4 years) we really thought that this was 'our time' when we got past the 12 weeks stage we thought we were safe :cry: This was my first and only pregnancy. We miss Freya so so much, no baby will ever replace her but we desperately want a rainbow xxx


----------



## dancareoi

Pink_Sparkle said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Pink_Sparkle said:
> 
> 
> I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx
> 
> Thank you for your kind words.
> 
> Sorry for your loss too, it is so hard isn't it?:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Thanks hun, its very hard. Life is so cruel and unfair. I see youve had a few losses already, if anyone deserves a rainbow its you. Freya took us a long time to conceive (4 years) we really thought that this was 'our time' when we got past the 12 weeks stage we thought we were safe :cry: This was my first and only pregnancy. We miss Freya so so much, no baby will ever replace her but we desperately want a rainbow xxxClick to expand...

We are lucky that we do have 3 beautiful children already, but that doesn't make the loss any easier,

It seems even crueller to be trying for so long for you to conceive your first for her then to be taken from you.

On the miscarriage support forum I have posted a poem called an angel never dies, it has beautiful words, you should try and look for it, although it makes me cry it is comforting as well.

Nothing will replace the loss, but a rainbow goes a long long way to helping. I know because my third is a rainbow and is surely is the most wonderful things that has been created.:hugs:


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.
> 
> I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.
> 
> Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. :cry: I really do feel for you.
> 
> Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.
> 
> Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal.  So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.
> 
> If you need a chat or just a cry im here. :flower: Please take care xxClick to expand...
> 
> Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?
> 
> You are so right, life is so unfair.
> 
> I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.
> 
> Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.
> 
> The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.:nope:Click to expand...

Hi Lisa, Sometimes i wonder why life throws things like this at us. It gives us life, hope, joy to then take it away from us and make our world come falling down at our feet. Is it to make us stronger or was there something wrong? However its all just so unfair.:cry::cry::cry:

I so much wanted another but i dont think i can/could do it all again. I admire all women that can do it again, they are like YOU alot stronger than iam. 

I hope you get on ok at the hospital and you are well. I know it may sound harsh but when i found out that i had lost Samuel i felt i couldnt carry him anymore. That space inside me was for him to be safe and grow but he wasnt growing. I felt i needed it to be over and the only was was to deliver him as soon as i could, i didnt want to wait about. I found that time very hard to deal with. I know not everybody thinks like that. 

You may need to give Dh time he may come round if you think about trying again.

I really do feel for you and my memories of how i felt are still very fresh in my mind. 


Please take Lisa God bless your little angels. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dancareoi

majored said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.
> 
> I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.
> 
> Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. :cry: I really do feel for you.
> 
> Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.
> 
> Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.
> 
> If you need a chat or just a cry im here. :flower: Please take care xxClick to expand...
> 
> Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?
> 
> You are so right, life is so unfair.
> 
> I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.
> 
> Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.
> 
> The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.:nope:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Lisa, Sometimes i wonder why life throws things like this at us. It gives us life, hope, joy to then take it away from us and make our world come falling down at our feet. Is it to make us stronger or was there something wrong? However its all just so unfair.:cry::cry::cry:
> 
> I so much wanted another but i dont think i can/could do it all again. I admire all women that can do it again, they are like YOU alot stronger than iam.
> 
> I hope you get on ok at the hospital and you are well. I know it may sound harsh but when i found out that i had lost Samuel i felt i couldnt carry him anymore. That space inside me was for him to be safe and grow but he wasnt growing. I felt i needed it to be over and the only was was to deliver him as soon as i could, i didnt want to wait about. I found that time very hard to deal with. I know not everybody thinks like that.
> 
> You may need to give Dh time he may come round if you think about trying again.
> 
> I really do feel for you and my memories of how i felt are still very fresh in my mind.
> 
> 
> Please take Lisa God bless your little angels. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Thank you Sarah,

It is all over now. I know how you feel about wanting it over, that is how I have felt each time.

We have asked the hospital to deal with everything from now on, it may sound cold but we don't want anymore to do with it now, which is how we were the first time it happened.

After January and giving birth and having a funeral, we could not go through that again.

I am a strong person and I have been heartbroken once again, but i need to try again as soon as possible. Odds are it could happen again, but I have to take that risk.

I am going to an acupuncturist in 2 weeks time and have 7 sessions booked with him. He specialises in fertility and miscarriage and I am hoping that he can help.

God bless all our beautiful little angels:hugs:


----------



## majored

dancareoi said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.
> 
> I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.
> 
> Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. :cry: I really do feel for you.
> 
> Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.
> 
> Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.
> 
> If you need a chat or just a cry im here. :flower: Please take care xxClick to expand...
> 
> Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?
> 
> You are so right, life is so unfair.
> 
> I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.
> 
> Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.
> 
> The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.:nope:Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Lisa, Sometimes i wonder why life throws things like this at us. It gives us life, hope, joy to then take it away from us and make our world come falling down at our feet. Is it to make us stronger or was there something wrong? However its all just so unfair.:cry::cry::cry:
> 
> I so much wanted another but i dont think i can/could do it all again. I admire all women that can do it again, they are like YOU alot stronger than iam.
> 
> I hope you get on ok at the hospital and you are well. I know it may sound harsh but when i found out that i had lost Samuel i felt i couldnt carry him anymore. That space inside me was for him to be safe and grow but he wasnt growing. I felt i needed it to be over and the only was was to deliver him as soon as i could, i didnt want to wait about. I found that time very hard to deal with. I know not everybody thinks like that.
> 
> You may need to give Dh time he may come round if you think about trying again.
> 
> I really do feel for you and my memories of how i felt are still very fresh in my mind.
> 
> 
> Please take Lisa God bless your little angels. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Thank you Sarah,
> 
> It is all over now. I know how you feel about wanting it over, that is how I have felt each time.
> 
> We have asked the hospital to deal with everything from now on, it may sound cold but we don't want anymore to do with it now, which is how we were the first time it happened.
> 
> After January and giving birth and having a funeral, we could not go through that again.
> 
> I am a strong person and I have been heartbroken once again, but i need to try again as soon as possible. Odds are it could happen again, but I have to take that risk.
> 
> I am going to an acupuncturist in 2 weeks time and have 7 sessions booked with him. He specialises in fertility and miscarriage and I am hoping that he can help.
> 
> God bless all our beautiful little angels:hugs:Click to expand...


Hi Lisa, hoping your ok and thinking about you. xx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Kelly9

So sorry to hear you have another angel :hugs:


----------



## dancareoi

Just popping in to let you know my rainbow girl , Caitlin Erin, is 2 weeks old today.


----------



## helloeveryone

So pleased to hear about your rainbow little girl...injoy every moment of the sleepless night , Time flys so quickly.. Xxxx


----------



## Kelly9

That's awesome :) mine is 6 months :)


----------



## lovelylaura

congratulations on your rainbow xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

dancareoi said:


> Just popping in to let you know my rainbow girl , Caitlin Erin, is 2 weeks old today.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

OMG Lisa , I am SOOoooooooooooooooo excited and happy for you..
You SO deserved her... All my love, congrats and give her kisses from me..

XOXOXOXOOOXOXO


----------



## dancareoi

Andypanda6570 said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> Just popping in to let you know my rainbow girl , Caitlin Erin, is 2 weeks old today.
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> OMG Lisa , I am SOOoooooooooooooooo excited and happy for you..
> You SO deserved her... All my love, congrats and give her kisses from me..
> 
> XOXOXOXOOOXOXOClick to expand...

Big kisses duly given . Thank you xx

Hope you are doing well xx


----------

