# single dad rights



## jayjay121

hey all gona try and keep this short.im a single dad living at my ex partners house all i care about is my son and whats best for him hence why i stayed here coz it was familiar surroundings for him im now thinking about moving back to london where i was from with my son away from his mum just wondering what rights do i have and could i do this any help would be great thanksssss


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## lilyd

Are you named on the birth certificate? What grounds do you think you have to remove your child from his mother?


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## sweetlullaby

Is the mother uncapable of looking after your son?


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## jayjay121

@lilyd

ive been his sole carer since he was 1 his now nearly 3 i live in a city where i do not no 1 really no family thats way im thinking about moveing back.


@sweetlullaby

she can be a fantastic mother dont get me wrong its just she has the odd moment where she goes completely off the rails and i cant take that chance with my son


p.s sorry about the spelling


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## jayjay121

oh yeah my name is on the birth certificate


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## sweetlullaby

unless she is a drug addict and your son is being neglected or she agree's to it you will more than likely not be able to take your son away from his mother. It's in your childs best interests to be with his mother and that's what a court will probably tell you!

Sorry!


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## lilyd

I obviously don't know what you mean by going off the rails and the implications for your son when she does, but unless he is put in danger I don't think you will stand a chance of being able to move away with him (unless his mother agrees).

Also, do you not think it is in his best interests to remain close to his mother, regardless of which one of you is the primary carer?


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## lou_w34

sweetlullaby said:


> unless she is a drug addict and your son is being neglected or she agree's to it you will more than likely not be able to take your son away from his mother. It's in your childs best interests to be with his mother and that's what a court will probably tell you!
> 
> Sorry!

Agreed, why not have a conversation with your ex about this? If she the odd moment where she goes off the rails, and you dont trust her with your son, why havent you left sooner if you dont mind me asking??


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## WhiteGeisha

Where does your ex live? and how often does she come to see your little man or take him off to her place?

Have you spoken to her about wanting to move?


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## lou_w34

WhiteGeisha said:


> Where does your ex live? and how often does she come to see your little man or take him off to her place?
> 
> Have you spoken to her about wanting to move?

I think they all live together in the same house... unless im mistaken lol

xx


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## MissEfendi

If by your own admission she is a 'fantastic' mother then you have no grounds for removing your son from her care.
Being on the birth certificate gives you half rights, so that means your ex has to be in agreement with any changes you want to make.
As you are living at your ex house, that means she is the resident parent,which means technically she has more rights.
You would have to be the resident parent ( or have a residency order via the courts) in order to make the major decisions over your son such as moving away ( and still you would need her permission).

Since she is a fantastic mother, I think it would be in your child best interest that he stays with her, and you are nearby.

As you are lonely and wanting to be back home, have you maybe asked your ex to consider some form of access agreement? such as you have the baby overnight at yours every fortnight or something? As you have been around for your baby from day one, it seems pretty unlikely she would disagree unless she has reasons to doubt you would be unable to care for him.

I am sure if you sat down and told your ex you feel lonely and want to go back home, and would like to see your son as often as you can and come to an agreement with regards to access, you can stop it turning nasty and involving the law but wanting to just take your son away from his mother and live with you.


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## scottishgal89

im a bit confused...do you live together?


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## jayjay121

lilyd said:


> I obviously don't know what you mean by going off the rails and the implications for your son when she does, but unless he is put in danger I don't think you will stand a chance of being able to move away with him (unless his mother agrees).
> 
> Also, do you not think it is in his best interests to remain close to his mother, regardless of which one of you is the primary carer?

yes he does i just find it fustrating that mothers have more rights then us dads thanks for your input


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## jayjay121

scottishgal89 said:


> im a bit confused...do you live together?

i live at her mothers house where we lived togehet when we was a couple


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## WhiteGeisha

So you live at her mothers with........??

and she doesn't live there?

How often does she see your son?

You haven't answered my questions ^^^


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## jayjay121

just wana say thanks to every 1 who has posted some real good points u guys have im defo gonna sit down with her and try and talk end of the day i dont wana take him away from his mother coz i know son needs both parents i remember when i was a kid the thought of my mum not being there is a horrible thought.

1 love to you all


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## jayjay121

WhiteGeisha said:


> So you live at her mothers with........??
> 
> and she doesn't live there?
> 
> How often does she see your son?
> 
> You haven't answered my questions ^^^



sorry.

i live there with my son.

every day


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## Linzi

sweetlullaby said:


> unless she is a drug addict and your son is being neglected or she agree's to it you will more than likely not be able to take your son away from his mother. It's *in your childs best interests to be with his mother *and that's what a court will probably tell you!
> 
> Sorry!


Not always!!

I was removed from my mothers care when I was a baby & it was the riight decision.

If you are confident that it is the right thing to do & you're doing it purely in the best interest of your son then I would definately follow it up. I dont know about these things in very much detail but maybe CAB is the best place to start, Im sure they could help you out. Its hard to say though as you haven't given much detail about her 'going off the rails'.

It frustrates me about fathers rights too. Granted, some fathers are terrible, but so are some mothers. 

It makes me wonder if some of the comments on this thread might have been different if you were a woman wondering about your childs safety with his father. Something to think about.


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## jayjay121

Linzi said:


> sweetlullaby said:
> 
> 
> unless she is a drug addict and your son is being neglected or she agree's to it you will more than likely not be able to take your son away from his mother. It's *in your childs best interests to be with his mother *and that's what a court will probably tell you!
> 
> Sorry!
> 
> 
> 
> It makes me wonder if some of the comments on this thread might have been different if you were a woman wondering about your childs safety with his father. Something to think about.Click to expand...



i was thinking the same too.


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## scottishgal89

yeah i agree with it not always being in the best interest for the child to be with the mother, i've seen some horrible situations where they are definitly not.
sorry im still confused :blush: does your sons mum live there with you both as well?
why did you want to take him away from his mum?
does he have contact with her if you dont live together?


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## sweetlullaby

Hoping that wasn't aimed at me :wacko: Sorry If I appeared harsh didn't mean to! In some cases it isn't fair the way the system and court processes work either way for mothers or fathers. :hugs: 
I was going on the understanding that you's lived in the same house (as in you, mother and son) and that he was 3 years old and that the mother was a fantastic mother most of the time but sometimes went "off the rails" and that you wanted to move with your son away from his mother to London. And a judge always has to consider the best interests of the child as a top priority and taking a 3 year old away from his mummy is not usually in the child's best interests unless the mother is putting the child at real danger or she agree's to it. Thats what I meant lol :flower:


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## MissEfendi

He said the mother was FANTASTIC, if he said the mother was unable to care for the son and was a bad mother, we would be advising him to seek legal advice but he did not say that, so I think you have taken it out of context Linzi.

I think it just boils down to he has finished with his ex but yet is living with her and her mother in her mother's house, they obviously do not get on hence they are not a couple anymore, he is missing his home, his family and friends, but at the same time wants to see his son. So the best thing is to sit down and discuss how often he can have his son when he moves back home so that the son gets the best of both world.


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## MissEfendi

Think we all go off the rails sometimes!It is normal, bad mothers are never fantastic, whereas Jay has stated she is fantastic, thus there is no legal reason to remove the baby from his mother's care. He would have to prove to the courts anyway that the mother is dangerous in order to get residency of his son, which won't happen because she is not bad mother. Jay just wants to go home and have access to his son, therefore the best thing is to sit down and talk.

Just be aware Jay that when the father and mother are not a couple it is going to be hard, so if you get to have him every fortnight for a whole weekend, take it, and build up to more days , when two people live far apart it is hard to arrange it whereby you both get equal time with the child because naturally living with his mum will be his permanent base and when he goes to school , make friends etc he will needs to spend the majority of the time there, but you never know, she might be cool with you having him most weekends and holidays.


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## Linzi

In my post I commented that it was difficult to understand because there was very little details about her 'going off the rails'. My mother was bi polar so some days she was brillaint, some days she was in hospital, overdosing on drugs etc. Thats how I read it anyway. I dont think I took it out of context I just think its very difficult to judge based on the little info in the post.

But I do think that he is doing what he believes is for the best for his child, and if he does apply for full custody or whatever, Im sure it will work out in the correct way.

Just think its a little unfair that fathers dont get the same reaction mothers do.

Think the best thing now might be for OP to come back & give a little more detail.

Also my post was not aimed at anyone just in general reaction to the thread.

x


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## MissEfendi

I personally think that rights are given too freely, I know many people whose child/ren have to endure a violent and abusive parent just because the courts think any parent is better than no parent, sadly that is not the case, if the mother or father is abusive, violent etc, than the child is better off without that parent, it is better to be surrounded by love, no stress and a good role model whether it is one parent, a grandparent etc, than to be surrounded by a mother and father whose influence brings nothing but unhappiness just because they are the biological parent.


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## WhiteGeisha

scottishgal89 said:


> sorry im still confused :blush: does your sons mum live there with you both as well?
> why did you want to take him away from his mum?
> does he have contact with her if you dont live together?

Me 2!

I've asked twice now :haha:


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## bloodbinds

WhiteGeisha said:


> scottishgal89 said:
> 
> 
> sorry im still confused :blush: does your sons mum live there with you both as well?
> why did you want to take him away from his mum?
> does he have contact with her if you dont live together?
> 
> Me 2!
> 
> I've asked twice now :haha:Click to expand...

He has already answered this.

He is living in his ex's mums house, with his ex and his son.

So they are all living in the same house together, and he seems to be living there still for his sons sake.


To the OP, i think it's great that you care a great deal about your son, but you can not take him away from his mother just because you want to live closer to your friends without leaving your son, sorry!
Like you said, i think it's a good idea that you talk to your ex and try to arrange something together, where you can both see him equal amounts?
Good luck with it all :hugs:


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## scottishgal89

jayjay121 said:


> scottishgal89 said:
> 
> 
> im a bit confused...do you live together?
> 
> i live at her mothers house where we lived togehet when we was a coupleClick to expand...

he didnt say she still lived there though. he said lived in past tense :wacko:


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## Ju_bubbs

Whether your childs mother is a fantastic mum or not, if you are named on the childs brth certificate, she has NO more rights than you do. You COULD take your son anywhere, and the only way she could get him back is by taking you to court. 

I know this because it happened to me when My ex and I first split.. and back then, the name on birth certifiacte thing didn't give fathers equal rights even, and he was still just 'allowed' to go to my sons school, take him early, and not let me have him back.

When I took him to court over residency of my son, he then had to apply to the court for equal parental rights, which he was granted. Several months later there was an interim hearng, and the judge gave my sons father temporary residency til the end of the court case, as he 'didn't want to upset the status quo'

I won the court case in the end, pretty much because my sons father was an alcoholic and wasn't capable of caring for a child. However, if we had both been perfectly fit parents, 'm quite sure he would have won, simply because our son was already living with him, even if it was only for the 9 months it took for the court case to complete, and he's lived with me for 4 years before that!

I'm not in any way saying its right of you to just take you child and move away from its mother btw, just telling you where the law stands on it.


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## jayjay121

scottishgal89 said:


> jayjay121 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> scottishgal89 said:
> 
> 
> im a bit confused...do you live together?
> 
> i live at her mothers house where we lived togehet when we was a coupleClick to expand...
> 
> he didnt say she still lived there though. he said lived in past tense :wacko:Click to expand...



i live at my ex mothers house and no she does not live there


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## jayjay121

just wana say thanks again for all the post some real usefull imformation.


p.s this forum is fantasticoooooooooo : )


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## jayjay121

Ju_bubbs said:


> Whether your childs mother is a fantastic mum or not, if you are named on the childs brth certificate, she has NO more rights than you do. You COULD take your son anywhere, and the only way she could get him back is by taking you to court.
> 
> I know this because it happened to me when My ex and I first split.. and back then, the name on birth certifiacte thing didn't give fathers equal rights even, and he was still just 'allowed' to go to my sons school, take him early, and not let me have him back.
> 
> When I took him to court over residency of my son, he then had to apply to the court for equal parental rights, which he was granted. Several months later there was an interim hearng, and the judge gave my sons father temporary residency til the end of the court case, as he 'didn't want to upset the status quo'
> 
> I won the court case in the end, pretty much because my sons father was an alcoholic and wasn't capable of caring for a child. However, if we had both been perfectly fit parents, 'm quite sure he would have won, simply because our son was already living with him, even if it was only for the 9 months it took for the court case to complete, and he's lived with me for 4 years before that!
> 
> I'm not in any way saying its right of you to just take you child and move away from its mother btw, just telling you where the law stands on it.



thank you really was a real helpful good read


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## jayjay121

Linzi said:


> In my post I commented that it was difficult to understand because there was very little details about her 'going off the rails'. My mother was bi polar so some days she was brillaint, some days she was in hospital, overdosing on drugs etc. Thats how I read it anyway. I dont think I took it out of context I just think its very difficult to judge based on the little info in the post.
> 
> But I do think that he is doing what he believes is for the best for his child, and if he does apply for full custody or whatever, Im sure it will work out in the correct way.
> 
> Just think its a little unfair that fathers dont get the same reaction mothers do.
> 
> Think the best thing now might be for OP to come back & give a little more detail.
> 
> Also my post was not aimed at anyone just in general reaction to the thread.
> 
> x



hey no probs matey thanks for your feed back


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## bloodbinds

jayjay121 said:


> scottishgal89 said:
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> jayjay121 said:
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> scottishgal89 said:
> 
> 
> im a bit confused...do you live together?
> 
> i live at her mothers house where we lived togehet when we was a coupleClick to expand...
> 
> he didnt say she still lived there though. he said lived in past tense :wacko:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> i live at my ex mothers house and no she does not live thereClick to expand...

:-S So you live at your exs mother's house with her mother and your son? Is that right? If so that is very strange! Lol. 

Why doesn't she live with you and her son? If she is a none-resident parent then you are more likely to be able to move away with your son i think, though you would have to go to court about it, but if he's been living with you then it's more likely to go in your favour x


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## scottishgal89

agree with bloodblinds but im a bit confused about the whole thing.
why does your son's mum not live with him?


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## jayjay121

bloodbinds said:


> jayjay121 said:
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> scottishgal89 said:
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> jayjay121 said:
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> scottishgal89 said:
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> 
> im a bit confused...do you live together?
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> i live at her mothers house where we lived togehet when we was a coupleClick to expand...
> 
> he didnt say she still lived there though. he said lived in past tense :wacko:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> i live at my ex mothers house and no she does not live thereClick to expand...
> 
> :-S So you live at your exs mother's house with her mother and your son? Is that right? If so that is very strange! Lol.
> 
> Why doesn't she live with you and her son? If she is a none-resident parent then you are more likely to be able to move away with your son i think, though you would have to go to court about it, but if he's been living with you then it's more likely to go in your favour xClick to expand...



well we were living together at her mums but she started to see sum1 else so she moved out.

and yes it is very strange


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## jayjay121

scottishgal89 said:


> agree with bloodblinds but im a bit confused about the whole thing.
> why does your son's mum not live with him?

she moved out when we spilt up


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## scottishgal89

how often does your ex see your son?


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## Aidan's Mummy

She may be a fantistic mother

But as you have said she doesn't actually live with the child. Is that right? Then I think you would have a good case in court as you seem to be the main carer and the most peristant thing in his life, Therefore a court may rule in yoru favour for full custody
xx


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## jayjay121

scottishgal89 said:


> how often does your ex see your son?


near enuff every day.


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## MissEfendi

So WHO is the main carer? that is, who every night does the feed? bath times? see to him at night and for breakfast etc?


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## jayjay121

MissEfendi said:


> So WHO is the main carer? that is, who every night does the feed? bath times? see to him at night and for breakfast etc?



mostly me at first but she does do her fair share


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## Aidan's Mummy

I think I need more clarification. Who does most of the caring. Does she live with your son? Who puts him to bed, is there when he has a nightmare etc
xx


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## purpledahlia

jayjay121 said:


> hey all gona try and keep this short.im a single dad *living at my ex partners house* all i care about is my son and whats best for him hence why i stayed here coz it was familiar surroundings for him im now thinking about moving back to london where i was from with my son *away from his mum* just wondering what rights do i have and could i do this any help would be great thanksssss

What a confusing thread! 

you said you stay at your ex partners house, but then said its her mums house? 

and you said you want to take him away from his mum, but then said his mum doesnt live there? so hes already away from her? 

Why dont you just get a flat in the same area? Do you work? surely would be easy to just get an apartment of your own near your job and son?

does your son's mother not want to live with her son? If not then you could probably get a 2 bed and he could stay with you there rather than your ex's mothers house?


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## AppleBlossom

Confused.... you say you're the sole carer but then you say the mother does her fair share? Unless the mother is an addict or can be deemed unfit then a court will not allow you to just up and leave with your son and are most likely to give you contact but keep the mother as sole carer.


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## sweetlullaby

Im sooo confused now :rofl:


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## scottishgal89

sweetlullaby said:


> Im sooo confused now :rofl:

glad im not the only one :wacko:


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## Aidan's Mummy

Very confused there seem to be many contradictions



> im a single dad living at my ex partners

First he is living at his ex partners house and then



> i live at my ex mothers house and no she does not live there

It's his ex mums house

Rather confusing
xx


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## AppleBlossom

You live at your ex's mum's house without your ex...?


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## scottishgal89

bexy_22 said:


> You live at your ex's mum's house without your ex...?

yup :wacko:


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## CandJ

Haven't read all the replies and apologise for the lurking ( I was a single mum)

If a father is named on the birth certificate and has sole custody (if the mother lives with the child too then they have joint custody and can't move without her consent) they can move anyway within the country without mother's consent. However when leaving the country for more than a month ( or possibly 6 weeks) they need consent. The rules apply for both mother's and father's.

This is just from the constant battle I've had with my daughter's biological "father" Even though he hasn't seen her for 18 months!


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