# 1 in 5 chance of Down's: To CVS or not?!



## Violinnem

Hi everyone,

Just got a call from a midwife at our local hospital saying that I've got a 1 in 5 chance of having a Down's Syndrome baby (or more positively an 80% chance of having a perfectly healthy baby), BUT I've read that having the diagnostic CVS test has a 1-2% risk of miscarriage and the later amniocentesis carries a 0.5-1% risk of miscarriage. 

Me and my partner have talked about this before and said that no matter what we could NEVER end our pregnancy just because of risk factors and we'd deal with whatever situations we were presented with. 

I just don't know what to do for the best at the moment. One one hand we don't get the diagnostic and just leave it to the fates, and on the other hand we get the diagnostic test and know for sure what we need to prepare for.

Please help with any advice, any comments or suggestions or personal stories are most welcome.
xx


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## sthorp1179

This is a tough one the chances are still very much in your favour to have a healthy baby. I know for me i would continue the pregnancy regardless but i may have chosen the amniocentesis to confirm either way just to be prepared.

Good luck x


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## domesticdiva

I know I would be continuing the pregnancy reguardless so I myself probably wouldnt risk the testing. And just try and learn what I can in case. Just me though. I could see the benefits of knowing too so you can prepare. I think its only a decision you can make..


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## honeybee2

personally, i'd have the test but only you know whats best for your family x


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## griffinh

I'd have the test, because as you said, you can then be prepared for whichever way the Fates swing x


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## ellebob

If you would continue with the pregnancy anyway I don't think it's worth the risk. By having CVS you're giving yourself a 1-1.5% risk of losing a completely healthy baby.

It might be possible to get the testing done much later at 30something weeks, then it would give you some time to prepare but the risk of miscarriage turns into a risk of early labour so there's a better chance for the baby.


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## Sunshine12

I wouldnt get a CVS but would get an amnio. x


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## Violinnem

Thank you so much for your feedback so far everyone. It's such a tough one. I rang my oh and he was just so unresponsive. Just one word/syllable answers. It's alot to take in. Thanks again everyone. Still no closer to a decision in my own mind. Let's see if oh has any wondrous words later on at home (both at work at the moment) xx


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## xloulabellex

I think, if you would continue with pregnancy anyway, no point risking the M/C?

Just think... 80% chance you've got a healthy baby anyway.

You can look at your 20 week scan for the nose bones etc.. to get a better idea if it would have DS (to prepare yourself) but in all honesty... 80% healthy baby is lovely odds hey :)

xx


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## Missmarie87

Im havin the blood test tomorrow, its always best to check, i hate blood tests too :(


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## Sazzoire

In my last pregnancy I had the blood test but me and DH agreed that whatever the result, we couldnt/wouldnt end the pregnancy... we decided against further tests... what will be, will be xx


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## overcomer79

we aren't doing anything invasive.


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## xdxxtx

I really hope your baby doesn't have DS, but if he/she did, there would probably be signs of it throughout the pregnancy in scans. I definitely agree that if you wouldn't end the pregnancy anyway, it isn't worth the physical pain and possibility of miscarriage at all. If you choose not to get the test done, they will look for markers of DS during your anomaly scan, and if none are found you can be confident that your baby does not have it. You'd still have LOTS of time to prepare, either way.


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## Stevielyn

We get our test done this Thursday. I am very scared, nervous, overwhelmed.. but very excited to see our baby. We have decided to get the ultrasound/bloodwork done. If the odds don't favor healthy, we will leave it at that. No further testing, if it will harm the baby. We will take it as it is. 

I wish you the best of luck with everything! My friend had the same odds as you. His wife panicked and he wanted no further testing. They have a healthy, beautiful baby boy in July.


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## Momma.Bear

If the results won't affect your decision about keeping the pregnancy - don't do the testing.


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## April76

Im 25 weeks and me and my hubby have refused the tests for downs because of the risks of miscarriage, plus me and my hubby had IVF and there is no way that we can have a baby naturally so i did not want to risk anything happening to the baby. All my scan look perfect, i just didnt want to take the risk.


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## girlinyork

I've worked with people who have down's syndrome and while it's hard work they were loving and sensitive people. It really wouldn't be the end of the world if our child had down's. We'd find joy in our baby no matter what and we have no intention of having invasive tests :)


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## DJ987

My auntie and uncle had the same odds as you and went for all the further tests. My auntie is now 22 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy who doesn't have DS. 80% is great odds, and if it wouldn't matter anyway I think I wouldnt have the tests :hugs:


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## kimberley3

m,e personally would not have the test as even if it proves that you do have a child with downs it would not show you the level of downs that your child would have, i work with adults with learning disabilities some with downs and the levels are so different. so you wouldnt no the childs quality of life just by the test if this makes sense? so why risk losing your child for yes or no answer? but thats only what i would do and everyone is different hope you get some peace and have surport for whatever option you use :hugs: x


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## DaniJean

My mom had my brother in her 30s after a miscarriage and he's her 4th baby. They told her that there was a high risk of DS and that they should prepare herself. She knew she wouldn't terminate anyway so she went on without further testing. Come to find out my brother is a perfectly healthy 18 year old! So if you wouldn't terminate anyway, I don't think it's worth the risk. Good luck!:thumbup:


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## Violinnem

Thank you all again for all your input and support. We're still undecided, but will be going to have a chat with the midwife who rung me over the next day or two just to discuss a few things. At the moment me and my OH ate in the ballpark of carrying on with no further testing and praying for that 80% of having a healthy baby to prevail. Down's or not we would not love our baby any less so we don't want to risk losing it with those tests. 
My OH said "in my mind our baby's already got Downs, it's just the only way I can deal with this and prepare myself for the possibility", which upset me a bit, but can understand. 
Thank you again everyone x


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## iwantababynow

80% is a great chance of a normal heatlhy baby!!! i had the cvs done in my last pg and it really isn't as bad as it sounds i was told by my consultant that cvs carries !% chance of complications compared to the amnio at 3% it all depends on the situation and how important its is for you to know! only you can make the choice! make sure you get all the info you can off whoevers looking after you xxxx


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## Violinnem

Hi everyone, just spoke to a woman at the charity called 'ARC' (antenatal results and choices) and she was brilliant. Very calming, gave me all the stats v clearly in 'normal speak', talked about the emotional / relationship side of it, didn't rush the conversation to an end or anything. Highly recommended. I feel a bit more settled and really am trying to focus on that 80% chance having a healthy baby. She said that me & my OH need to try and help each other cope in whatever way works for us, and if that means allowing my OH to consider our baby automatically as having Downs for him to cope then do that. As iwantababynow said we need to let it sink in and decide just how important it is for us to know either way if our baby does have Downs or not. Can we have the possibility hanging over ours heads until June or do we find out and deal with it. It's only been a day and a half of dealing with this so we'll just see! 
The lady from ARC also said that we could book ourselves in for an amniocentesis and use that date as a focus point, if we get to it and decide its just not what we want then we can cancel it or just go ahead and find out. She also said that, although it's not widely done some (more specialist) hospitals might do a later amnio (c.32-34 weeks) so that the risk would not be of miscarriage but of early labour. It's something for tonight's conversation anyway.
Thanks again for all your input everyone. :) it's really great to hear all the different stories, viewpoints and information. :) xxx


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## laura1981

This is such a personal choice, my oh and i decided not to even have the initial testing for downs as it would not change how we felt, also we view it as you might be able to test for that but anything can happen and there are hundreds of other things you cant test for, i also know someone who went through all the testing was told the baby was downs and he was born perfectly healthy with no sign of downs so all a bit of pointless worrying in my personal opinion xxx


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## Violinnem

Hi again, just rung a midwife at our local hospital and set up a meeting to chat things over with her at 9am. She said that my NT measurement of 3mm was classed as within the normal range from an NHS point of view, so it was obviously something in the blood work that pushed my ratios up to 1:5. She said that she couldn't tell me any more about specific hormone levels because "they don't get that information", but I've read on here ppl that have received the info. Maybe they went private. 
I told my mum about our situation last night and she was very emotional about it all, even suggesting that "you're so young you've got to think about the rest of your life, it'll change your life having a baby with that condition, some people just go and get 'sorted out' then try again you know?"
I was GOBSMACKED by this but understood how worried she is for me as her daughter, in the same way I worry about my developing son/daughter. I tried to skim over that bit of what she said and bear in mind she's from a totally different generation. After more talking she's come to terms with the fact that terminating this pregnancy is NOT an option and we'll love this baby whether it's typical or got DS. 
She's also a member of BUPA so is going to research private routes/options for me and my OH too. She's actually very very supportive, despite the old fashioned approach! 
She was very complimentary about my OH too. I told her about how he has been my rock, so open to discussion and dealing with things fantastically and she said "yes, we couldn't wish for anyone better for you" - aw! And neither could I! Cos theres not. 
Thanks again for all your support everyone :)


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## Rhiannon

we had a 1 in 35 chance of downs with rhys and the hospital automatically booked me in for an amnio.

i refused the amnio and cancelled the appointment however as the thought of risking my baby regardless of it having downs didnt enter my head.

going through another 25 weeks of pregnany not knowing if your baby has downs or not is very hard, and very emotinal, ive been there, but i still wouldnt have the amnio if i was offered it again.

like you have said - as it doesnt matter to you both anyway - i wouldnt bother having any diagnostics done and just prepare yourself for the possibility of having a baby born with downs.

xx


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## Violinnem

Thanks Rhiannon, Your profile pic looks fab by the way, what a beautiful little boy! I'm guessing no Down's for you then. There's just so many things to consider. Just 48 hours of knowing that there's a 1 in 5 chance is driving me nuts, but am so scared of having the amnio done due to the risk factor. We'll have to see. 

Does anyone know anything about the integrated test? (NT scan/bloods at 11-14 weeks then bloods/scan done later and all those results combined? I think?) My OH is currently looking into that, but I think you can only get that done privately. We'll have to see.
xx


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## MrsButterfly

Noticed you're in West Yorkshire - there is a scanning centre in Leeds who claim to operate a more precise test than the NHS combined test. It's called Leeds Screening Centre (also known as "this is my"). Might be worth looking into as you're still under 14 wks. I have used them and they are great. Wishing you all the best :hugs:


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## leahsbabybump

i have always refused to even find out my risk of having a baby with downs sydrome simply because i will love my baby no matter what and i would want to keep my baby no matter what so no point in taking the risk i know its only 1-2% but the risk is there and for me that speaks a thousand words i dnt think i would even want to know just to be prepared i mean how and what do you need to do to prepare for a baby with downs sydrome :shrug: as long as you love the child and he/she is fed and has clothing on there back they dont need anything else extra to any other baby :shrug:


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## leahsbabybump

i have also heard a lot of horror stories how the NHS have tried to puch people into ending their pregnancy with a downs sydrome baby which i think is dreadful

there was once a lady who shared her ordeal with this she said she was pushed into terminating her pregnancy with her "downs baby" as she wouldnt have enough support etc etc speeled her a load of shit basically so she reluctantly whent through with and in the end when they tested her baby it didnt even have downs syndrome they had made a mistake how life shattering could that be the lady was distraught


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## Sunshine12

leahsbabybump said:


> i have always refused to even find out my risk of having a baby with downs sydrome simply because i will love my baby no matter what and i would want to keep my baby no matter what so no point in taking the risk i know its only 1-2% but the risk is there and for me that speaks a thousand words i dnt think i would even want to know just to be prepared i mean how and what do you need to do to prepare for a baby with downs sydrome :shrug: as long as you love the child and he/she is fed and has clothing on there back they dont need anything else extra to any other baby :shrug:

I dont think its got anything to do with the child not being loved as much. Im sure we would all love our babies no matter what but some people I think need to mentally prepare for it. Ive read the blogs of people who have had DS children and have said that they just wished they had known as if they had it would have changed their whole birthing experience because the happiness of the birth wouldnt have been taken away by the shock and upset and worry they felt when they had the baby and found out it had downs. They could have also ensured that they had a close support network around them after the birth to help them cope with the various emotions they were going through. Its not as simple as just having the baby, realising it has down syndrome and moving on. Its a very complex emotional journey for some and there are ladies who would have preferred to have found out first to ensure that they were emotionally prepared to cope with it. x


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## Rhiannon

Violinnem said:


> Thanks Rhiannon, Your profile pic looks fab by the way, what a beautiful little boy! I'm guessing no Down's for you then. There's just so many things to consider. Just 48 hours of knowing that there's a 1 in 5 chance is driving me nuts, but am so scared of having the amnio done due to the risk factor. We'll have to see.
> 
> Does anyone know anything about the integrated test? (NT scan/bloods at 11-14 weeks then bloods/scan done later and all those results combined? I think?) My OH is currently looking into that, but I think you can only get that done privately. We'll have to see.
> xx

nope, no downs, but we didnt find out till he was born.

i know how you are feeling hun.

pm me if u need a chat xx


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## Violinnem

Me and my OH have been talking more this evening and have decided we want to get the amnio done, but by a top top specialist that has a REALLY good track record of doing them well, even if that means going private. I just can't bear this 'not knowing' thing, it's driving me crazy. 
We also decided that we are just not ready to handle such complications as DS at this point in our lives, as we were only just getting our heads around being parents to a typical child. I know this sounds awful and I hate myself for thinking in this way. We agreed that if it were 100% proved that we were having a child with DS we would discontinue to pregnancy. It's the most heart-wrenching decision to have made and I've been in tears, but we are in agreement that for us as a couple it is the right decision for us (I know this decision will not go down favourably with some women on BnB - it's right for us though).
I realise that this is a complete turnaround from what I've been saying before, but looking more into DS and REALLY thinking about life caring for a child with DS, and that child themselves having DS, we just can't handle it at this point in our lives. We're simply not ready. This sounds selfish and awful and I'm hate myself for thinking like this. I feel awful and resentful that we're even in this predicament. 
I realise that 80% is a great chance, but we need to know what we're dealing with here.


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## Violinnem

Anyway, as mentioned before we're going to see the midwife on Fri morning at 9 and I'm trying to get a few questions together to present to her - can anyone think of any? I don't want to miss anything out. xx


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## daydreaming22

You are right, I'm sure its not a favorable decision to all of the others on here but it is a _very_ hard and personal decision that can only be made by you and your husband. Wishing you the best, good luck hun.


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## Sunshine12

Violinnem said:


> Me and my OH have been talking more this evening and have decided we want to get the amnio done, but by a top top specialist that has a REALLY good track record of doing them well, even if that means going private. I just can't bear this 'not knowing' thing, it's driving me crazy.
> We also decided that we are just not ready to handle such complications as DS at this point in our lives, as we were only just getting our heads around being parents to a typical child. I know this sounds awful and I hate myself for thinking in this way. We agreed that if it were 100% proved that we were having a child with DS we would discontinue to pregnancy. It's the most heart-wrenching decision to have made and I've been in tears, but we are in agreement that for us as a couple it is the right decision for us (I know this decision will not go down favourably with some women on BnB - it's right for us though).
> I realise that this is a complete turnaround from what I've been saying before, but looking more into DS and REALLY thinking about life caring for a child with DS, and that child themselves having DS, we just can't handle it at this point in our lives. We're simply not ready. This sounds selfish and awful and I'm hate myself for thinking like this. I feel awful and resentful that we're even in this predicament.
> I realise that 80% is a great chance, but we need to know what we're dealing with here.

Im glad you have come to a decision and at least know which direction you are both headed. I can appreciate how difficult it must have been for you and completely respect the decision you have come to as well as the reasoning behind it. 

I wish you all the best with your amnio and try not to worry about it. Technology these days is such that its a completely different procedure than it was years ago. Yes of course there are still risks but as the procedure is done whilst they are looking at the baby on the screen its much more precise than it used to be. The questions I would be asking would be:

How long afterwards should you rest for?
Is the first 24 hours the most critical in terms of miscarrying?
After what period does the risk of miscarriage from the amnio cease? (Im sure its 2 weeks)
How quickly will the results be produced?
Are the results definately 100% accurate?
How soon would you have to make the decision about termination should the results come back as positive for downs?

I cant think of any others but if I do Ill be sure to let you know. Have you got a date for the amnio yet or just waiting to speak to the doctor? xxx


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## Violinnem

Thank you so much for the support, I've never had to make such a hard decision. This feels worse than my cervical cancer scare back in March in all honesty as its not my own life at stake here.
It's been a tough year for many reasons, this another thing on the list. I'll be glad to see the back of 2011 to be perfectly honest. 
Those are fantastic questions thank you I shall add them to my growing list, poor doctor won't know what's hit them! 
We haven't got a date for the amnio yet but need to speak to the doctor, get a list of the most qualified and experienced specialists in the amnio field and set up a meeting with them. 
Today I feel a bit more 'at peace' as we've got our contingency plan worked out now and feel much better for having such a great heart-to-heart with my OH. I've never felt closer to him. 
Thank you again for the support xxx


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## girlinyork

I can't imagine what you've been through. When people have asked me if I'm pro-life or pro-choice I've always said I'm somewhere in the middle. It's such a big choice I've got no right at all to judge a woman who picks that option. If there is a psychological fallout or some sort of divine consequence then it's not my place to dish that out or to judge a couple for doing it. It must have been such a hard decision for you both and while it's not the choice I've had made, I still think you're really brave :hugs:


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## hannpin

Hey hun I have just come across this, and just want to add another perspective to things. I am not saying this to offend or upset anyone, just want to open up things from the others side.

I too was one of those people who said I would never end a pregnancy, not matter what. But please do not put that kind of pressure upon yourself, as sometimes the world is cruel, and things dont work out as planned. I really hope that this is not the case for you, and all is fine.

I think it is a positive that u have opted for the testing, as (please excuse my ignorence of the situation, but I do not know much about downs syndrome) sometimes there are other complications alongside the initial diagnosis that would mean a vaginal birth would put too much risk on the baby for example as well as other risk factors that would need imediate medical attension at birth. So I think it is important that both you, your partner and the hospital were prepared for that.

I am glad you have spoken to ARC, they are amazing and put things into plain normal language.

I hope the amnio goes ok, and you get the results u are hoping for. If u ever need to talk to anyone, I havent been in your exact situation, but I know how hard it is to have a possible diagnosis, and then unfortunatly for me an confirmed diagnosis of a birth defect.

Big :hugs:


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## Violinnem

Thank you girlinyork that really helps. I'm glad that I'm not offending people with this decision and people understand the difference choices we make. It honestly was the single most terrifying and gut-wrenching decision ever to have had to make but it's the right one for me and my oh in our little universe. Xx


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## Rhiannon

you have to make a decision based around whats best for you hun, and if thats whats best for you then thats the right thing to do xx

i really hope your amnio comes back ok.

good luck xxxx


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## Violinnem

Afternoon everyone.

We went to see the midwife at our local hospital today and she was fantastically reassuring and comforting, and we booked the amnio for Weds January 12th at 1:30pm (and will hopefully get the results on either Fri 14th Dec or Mon 17th Dec obviously due to the weekend). 
We decided, now faced with the reality of potentially having a baby with DS, that we HAD to know one way or the other as, just like a few people on here have said, the waiting would've killed us and the way I'm feeling I may miscarry anyway due to stress. This feels much worse than my cancer scare earlier this year and that nearly finished me off emotionally at the time, but now there's all those emotions plus pregnancy hormones I just think it'd be really unhealthy for the baby to continue this level of stress for any longer than absolutely necessary. 
The midwife said that at that hospital there had never been any cases of miscarriages in her 8 or so years of working there and they say there's a 1% risk of it to legally cover their backs, but the specialists that do the procedure are very skilled and that really put our minds at rest. Fingers crossed all goes well.

Thank you again for all the help and support you've given over the past few hellish days. I don't know how I would've coped without it. I hope you're all well and you and your bambinos are keeping healthy :) xx


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## emk10

Hi, just wanted to let you know that I have been in exactly the same position.. I am sooooo sorry you are going through this, I know how heartbreaking and unthinkable it all is... Having to make such decisions is something I would never wish on ANYONE!! 

I was given a 1 in 10 chance of downs and was devastated to find out we were indeed that 1. If you have any questions please pm me. 



I hope and pray that you get good results from your amnio !!

And please try not to worry about other peoples opinions, until they are in your position they can't possibly say what they would do x x x


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## Violinnem

emk10 said:


> Hi, just wanted to let you know that I have been in exactly the same position.. I am sooooo sorry you are going through this, I know how heartbreaking and unthinkable it all is... Having to make such decisions is something I would never wish on ANYONE!!
> 
> I was given a 1 in 10 chance of downs and was devastated to find out we were indeed that 1. If you have any questions please pm me.
> 
> 
> 
> I hope and pray that you get good results from your amnio !!
> 
> And please try not to worry about other peoples opinions, until they are in your position they can't possibly say what they would do x x x

Thank you so much emk10. I had a completely different viewpoint to that I do now before I was put into this situation and termination was never an option no matter what the situation, but as you said, no one can truly know how they'd actually, realistically respond to the situation until they themselves are in it. It's SUCH a personal decision, and there's so many different views on the matter, but at the end of the day it is down to just the parents. 

How did you deal with the situation emotionally? At the moment I feel as though I can't bond with the fetus at all just in case there is a chromosomal issue and we needed to terminate. Did you go through that at all? Or something similar? 

Your daughter is beautiful by the way :) xx


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## emk10

To be honest it was the most surreal experience I have ever gone through. It was Like it was happening to someone else and I was just an observer!! Unfortunately for us, we were further along and so the bonding had already occured as I was feeling her move inside me etc..( They were unable to get the measurements at my NT scan due to retroverted uterus etc and so I had to wait until the 16 week bloods). However, I completely understand where you are coming from with regards to bonding. I did feel differently when we found out, but like I said it was all so surreal.However I guess I did start to emotionally distance myself and I was without doubt completely devastated. I also had 3 other children and so had to keep up a pretence that everything was alright.Part of me thought it would all be ok though as my sister had had simliar odds (1 in 9) and her pregnancy ended with a healthy baby boy, so I thought the same would happen to me.

Sorry for babbling, but I don't talk about this much and dont know where to start with it all!!!

I just hope and pray you get better results than I did. I have heard of many people with your odds that have a good outcome x x x 

Thanks by the way x x x


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## Lara+sam+bump

Personally I wouldnt have it. I didnt even have the screening with my son and wont do with this LO either. For me there would be no reason for me to end a pregnancy and therefore no point in testing for it cause that would just cause unnessasary worry.xxxxxx


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## Violinnem

I'm glad you've got that confidence and have your own way of dealing with things. I thought the same until I was faced with the reality of this situation. It stops you in your tracks and makes you question everything you thought you believed. Not saying you personally would but that is just my experience. 
Thanks for telling me your experience emk10, it helps me remember that this distancing myself from the baby is a normal coping mechanism and to be honest it's the only one I've got as I've got no other kids to distract me from it. You're so lucky to have had that, though I imagine doesn't make the emotional turmoil any easier to cope with. Nothing can prepare you for a situation like this. 
You weren't babbling either don't worry!! x


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## VintageEnvy

I truly believe that if I were given a 1 in 5 chance I too would've had the testing done. There is no way that I could've lived the next 9 months with that cloud hanging over me. Even if it came back positive at least I would know and could prepare myself and my family so I knew and could enjoy my pregnancy and gain support and knowledge through other mommies who have been through the same thing.


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## ThisMumRocks

MY hubbys aunt had testing done the same for downs they even did an amnio test and said the baby was positive for Downs, well she is a healthy happy although bratty child and has NO DOWNS whats-so-ever. it hink if it doesnt matter dont do it, a child with special needs is still a blessing.


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## daydreaming22

ThisMumRocks said:


> MY hubbys aunt had testing done the same for downs they even did an amnio test and said the baby was positive for Downs, well she is a healthy happy although bratty child and has NO DOWNS whats-so-ever. it hink if it doesnt matter dont do it, a child with special needs is still a blessing.

I agree all children are blessings, but not all families can handle a lifestyle change and all of the new worries and unknowns that come with it. 

Again, good luck. It sounds like good hospital


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## Violinnem

Daydreaming, exactly. My baby is a blessing but it's the effect on their life and ours that we've decided we cannot handle and are not ready for. There's nothing wrong with just wanting a healthy and typical life for your child and yourselves, so this is why we came to the decision we did. 
As emk10 said previously you honestly cannot predict what you would do until you are dealt that card in life yourself. I didn't think this would be the decision we made, but here we are...


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## emk10

Also, just to add.... 

A huge majority of ladies on here say they would keep their baby whatever, however, statistics would negate this. Over 90% of people faced with the decision do not proceed with the pregnancy...Go figure!!!! 

Like I have said though, I REALLY hope you are not faced with this decision x x x


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## Violinnem

Sorry for the late reply! This is a very reassuring bit of data that really helps us deal with this whole situation. It helped my OH especially, he likes data. Lol. Where's it from can I ask? 
Thanks again for your support emk10 :) x


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## Mummy2Be__x

I wouldn't bother having the test, it's only a 1 in 5 chance of having a downs baby it's not like its 4 in 5 or something x


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## AlwaysPraying

Just wondering where you are at in this situation now? I've stumbled upon your post and wanted to offer my heart. I've gone through something similar, however baby ended up having T13 (down syndrome is T21). You are going through classic reactions, I remember resenting my baby, almost hating him and wanting it over when we found out. I felt like there was something awful in me......such cruel words, but it's how I reacted. Like you said, putting distance helped me cope. After the diagnosis I bonded instantly, it was odd. I knew our days were few and I had to tell him how much I loved him and always would. T13 could have taken his life at any moment, they told me that it was unreal that I was as far along as I was (16 weeks) with such a terrible condition. It's extreme that babies survive that long with T13....anyways, I'm rambling. Just wanted to see if you've had your amnio, or if I can offer you any support.


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## Violinnem

Mummy2Be_x, thank you for your comment and your opinion. I was just wondering if you've ever been in this situation yourself? 1 in 5 is WAY higher than it should be for my age (27), and 20% is a huge chance that there's chromosomal abnormalities with my baby. It's too high just to wait and see what happens. If you were placed in this situation I guarantee you'd change your opinion. Thank you again for your viewpoint though :) 

AlwaysPraying thank you so much, and I'm heartbroken to read of your previous experience in this area. No one can truly understand what it's like until they're put through it. It's so reassuring to know that the way I'm feeling isn't unusual. I felt cold and evil for wanting to stop any bonding between me and the foetus until I knew either way whether the pregnancy would be continuing or not, but everyone has their own way of dealing with situations that are thrown at them, this is just the only way I can think of to cope with the situation that will occur if our results come back showing for definite that it is DS. Until then it's just a painful waiting game. 

At the moment I'm still waiting for the amnio, which is booked in for Thursday 12th January at 1:30pm, so should receive the results by either Monday 16th or Tuesday 17th January, and then go from there. I'm getting quite anxious about it now (I've rambled about this in my pregnancy journal - the link's in my signature) as it's drawing nearer. It's just the thought of a massive needle getting put into my abdomen that's freaking me out, also the enormity of the decisions that have to be made when the results come through. 
Thank you again for your story and your support x


----------



## Missmarie87

I had the test, (blood test) and i got my letter saying im low risk, i didnt want the test but my BF did, I hate blood tests but theres always 1 in 5 so for a blood test i went for it. puts our mind at ease. x


----------



## Violinnem

Missmarie87, is there? Was that the blood tests you get with the NT scan at 12 weeks? Do you know why there's always a 1 in 5 with the blood test? Glad to hear you're low risk. Must be a huge weight off your mind x


----------



## lockzie

Violinnem,

I have read your posts and have nothing but admiration for you and your OH. It must be such a tough and difficult time for you both. I have seen other posts saying that they would not have the tests whatever. However, when faced with it as a reality all options need to be visited and explored. I think you have been very dignified with your responses. 
It has made me wonder what I would do should I be in the same situation and something I need to think about. You must do what is right for you and your OH. 

I wish you all the very best with your amnio and hope you get positive results xx :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## momto3kiddies

I can not imagine how stressed and worried you must be :( I dont think the decision you have made for yourself and family is a wrong one because no one can judge you and those who would need to get off their soapbox. I hope that your test shows the baby is "normal" but even then any woman having a baby needs to realize that you may have a baby that is "normal" but disabilities may be the outcome later in life so as pregnant women extending our families we must always be open to those possibilities.


----------



## Violinnem

Thank you both for your comments, they're both very much appreciated and heart-warming :) momto3kiddies I totally get where you're coming from when considering that disability may occur later in life and that is a bridge to be crossed if that is a scenario. At the moment we are early along enough to have more of a choice that's more controllable than disability in later life. That's not to say that this is a life not worthy of continuing despite it having chromosomal abnormalities as it's been a VERY painstaking decision that we made, and I understand all the implications surrounding the 'right'ness or 'wrong'ness of the choice. For us at this time in our lives it's the right one. That'll just have to do for now!

Thank you lockzie too for such a supportive post :) when the time comes for you to decide to have the screening and subsequent diagnostic testing (some women decide not even to have the screening done as they're so set on it not making a difference to their decisions) I hope that you approach the options with a clear and logical frame of mind, researching all that you can to help those decisions and stick to what YOU and your OH feel is right for you. It concerns no one else but just the two of you. We've chosen not to tell anyone outside my immediate family (my OH has decided to not even tell his mum, stepdad and sister, as he "doesn't need the emotional support" that I do. You know men, they keep stuff to themselves, and we women mostly like to offload, vent and consider 'a problem shared is a problem halved'! That's why I told my mum dad and two sisters anyway!) in fear that they just wouldn't understand, so if the results come back unfavourably then as far as the wider world is concerned we lost the baby naturally. That's all they need to know, nothing more. 

Thank you again and I wish you both a happy and healthy 9 months! x


----------



## AlwaysPraying

You have been incredible through all of this. Its a cruel fate knowing some of the information. I pray all will be ok for you. It's the way of the world no matter what the results it will all be ok.


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## daydreaming22

Hoping the test goes well! And in response to what the PP said, there is NOT always a 1 in 5 with blood test. You are correct in saying that 1 in 5 is high risk. High risk is anything under 1 in 250. Sorry, I just dislike when people misinform others.


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## Missmarie87

Violinnem said:


> Missmarie87, is there? Was that the blood tests you get with the NT scan at 12 weeks? Do you know why there's always a 1 in 5 with the blood test? Glad to hear you're low risk. Must be a huge weight off your mind x

I got it at 12 weeks nearly 13, took a while to scan the nucal and it hurt a little with her pushing, and the blood test was quite fast, i think overall for that its worth getting the test xx


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## Sunshine12

daydreaming22 said:


> Hoping the test goes well! And in response to what the PP said, there is NOT always a 1 in 5 with blood test. You are correct in saying that 1 in 5 is high risk. High risk is anything under 1 in 250. Sorry, I just dislike when people misinform others.

I wondered what she was meaning too as, like you have pointed out, 1 in 5 isnt a connected figure when it comes to NT ratios.

Violinnem, Ive been wondering how you are doing but I didnt want to post again on your thread incase you didnt want to speak about it ATM. I will be thinking of you when you get your amnio. Please let me know how you get one and try not to worry. Massive hugs. :hugs: xxx


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## ZoeZo

Violinnem, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings in this thread.

I'm in the same position as MissMarie, my OH wants the NT screening done, personally I feel it's all 'risk factors, percentages' and things to give us unnecessary worry when I am sure the majority of pregnancies are absolutely fine, 80% is a really good chance.

I know you have made your decision based on what the results are, but have you read Kelle Hamptons birth blog (Enjoy the small things) ? I wont post the link in case in case you feel it may give you doubts (but you haven't even got your amnio results yet, every possibility baby is fine). She didn't know she was having a downs baby, it's a very honest moving story.

I lay in the bath stroking my hump and think 'it's you and me kid whatever the screening says' as you love and bond with your bumps already - then I think I don't think I could cope with a DS baby, wracks me with guilt - so I am scared about consenting to NT screening - my scan in on 17th Jan. (I'm 35 so risk is already up)

My Mum was 39 when she had my brother in 1978 and had an amnio, and he was carried until term, I'm sure the testing is even better these days - they sent her for one purely because of her age.

I feel for you that you have another week to wait, seems like a lifetime between finding out your 'odds' and having the amnio, I'm sure we'd all want it done asap :( Praying for you x


----------



## Violinnem

Thank you again for the support everyone - don't know what I'd do without you! 
I'm feeling a little more positive today, just thinking "what ever will be will be" (can't shake those bloody doubtful voices at the back of my mind, but I suppose that's normal!) and keeping my fingers crossed for good results. 
The specialist at the hospital I'm going to hasn't had anyone miscarry after an amnio procedure and I'm relying on that data to settle my mind and hope that I don't stuff up their statistics! Lol. 

ZoeZo - that thought of not being able to cope with a DS child fills me up with guilt too, which was why it was SUCH a hard, painful and distressing decision to come to. I won't read that story if you don't mind, thank you for posting it btw, I just need to focus on what's ahead of us and keep things in place mentally or I might crack. We had a couple of weeks of going back and forth and each time we changed our minds and then discussed it then rediscussed it then one of us broke down and re-changed our mind... it's just been here there and everywhere, and now we've finally come to a firm decision we're just going to keep the plan in place for our mental health. 
The decision to have the NT scan / combined test is totally a personal one and no-one can say 'do it' or 'don't do it' as it's just up to you and your OH. Personally, me and my OH had agreed no to have the screening done, then it came to my first midwife appointment when she was booking the scan: She asked "just the dating scan or the NT scan?"... then something just made me say "NT scan". I think deep deep deep down I knew I couldn't cope with having a baby with a chromosomal disorder and so HAD to know exactly every detail about how this baby is developing. I'm a planner, worrier, OCD type personality anyway in all other areas of life and so felt really uncomfortable about leaving some this important to fate. Again, this is just my situation and my viewpoint and I'm not insinuating you should or shouldn't listen or allow this to alter your own choices. Just sharing my journey so far is all!

Let me know how you get on and what you decide to do. We're all here for each other whatever! :) 

Sunshine12 - thank you so much, don't worry I cant stop thinking about it so it's not been buried deep ready to be dug up again, it just sits right at the front of my mind at all times! Stresssssssssss..... 

Thanks again everyone - I hope you're all ok and babies are healthy :) xx


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## AllyTiel

Just wondering, but have you considered adoption if your child doesn't turn out like you hope? People really do adopt down syndrome children. A family in our small church adopted 2.


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## Violinnem

It's another option AllyTiel, though personally, I couldn't cope with going right throughout the pregnancy and the birth knowing I wouldn't be keeping it. Again, I know how that sounds. Thank you for the suggestion though! x


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## AlwaysPraying

One step at a time my dear. Get the cvs done, and go from there. This is such a hard thing to have to decide something so drastic a head of time, not knowing if it's actually going to need to happen or not. 

Down syndrome or any other syndrome has many variables to it. Some children with down syndrome have serious health issues, that can be seen in utero (heart, etc), so severe that they may not make birth. I only say this because it seems some people think that a down syndrome diagnosis means some special challenges with a delightful personality. HOwever, there's so much else going on as well. Heart, growth, mental capabilities all vary incredibly with this condition, and a shorter life expectancy. 

My point is, there are details of down syndrome that not everyone knows (there's no reason that most people would know, so it's not a fault thing). I just felt the need to add for a different perspective.

V. your doing so well dealing with this, I admire your strength. But one thing, you don't NEED to be dealing well with this, just be genuine in your feelings and reactions (and it sounds like that's just what your doing).


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## Broodypants

I just wanted to say I think you are fantastic, you are being so brave and so dignified in your responses on this thread at what must be such an emotional time for you and your OH. I don't mean to sound patronising but I think you should feel very proud of yourself.

I wish you all the best in the world for your test next week. I hope with all my heart your little one is healthy.

xx


----------



## momto3kiddies

ZoeZo said:


> Violinnem, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings in this thread.
> 
> I'm in the same position as MissMarie, my OH wants the NT screening done, personally I feel it's all 'risk factors, percentages' and things to give us unnecessary worry when I am sure the majority of pregnancies are absolutely fine, 80% is a really good chance.
> 
> I know you have made your decision based on what the results are, but have you read Kelle Hamptons birth blog (Enjoy the small things) ? I wont post the link in case in case you feel it may give you doubts (but you haven't even got your amnio results yet, every possibility baby is fine). She didn't know she was having a downs baby, it's a very honest moving story.
> 
> I lay in the bath stroking my hump and think 'it's you and me kid whatever the screening says' as you love and bond with your bumps already - then I think I don't think I could cope with a DS baby, wracks me with guilt - so I am scared about consenting to NT screening - my scan in on 17th Jan. (I'm 35 so risk is already up)
> 
> My Mum was 39 when she had my brother in 1978 and had an amnio, and he was carried until term, I'm sure the testing is even better these days - they sent her for one purely because of her age.
> 
> I feel for you that you have another week to wait, seems like a lifetime between finding out your 'odds' and having the amnio, I'm sure we'd all want it done asap :( Praying for you x

Thank you for sharing the name of the blog, I looked it up and just finish reading...beautifully written and puts things into perspective


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## AllyTiel

Violinnem said:


> It's another option AllyTiel, though personally, I couldn't cope with going right throughout the pregnancy and the birth knowing I wouldn't be keeping it. Again, I know how that sounds. Thank you for the suggestion though! x

Is your emotional well being more important than a life? I don't think it is right to kill a child because it could be an inconvenience in your life. I don't think anyone is ready to handle that, but they do, because it is a child. I know down syndrome children to be very happy and friendly. Their quality of life does not suffer generally, because they know nothing else. I hope you would at least do that for your child, and it is still your child, no matter its genetic state. I would hope for that unconditional love from my parents, and I know your baby does too. I don't understand how anyone is okay with this. It honestly seems that noone values life.


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## AllyTiel

Violinnem said:


> Daydreaming, exactly. My baby is a blessing but it's the effect on their life and ours that we've decided we cannot handle and are not ready for. There's nothing wrong with just wanting a healthy and typical life for your child and yourselves, so this is why we came to the decision we did.
> As emk10 said previously you honestly cannot predict what you would do until you are dealt that card in life yourself. I didn't think this would be the decision we made, but here we are...

And Im sorry, but the part about wanting a typical life for yourself? You chose to have a child. There are risks, you never, ever know what will happen. Your child could be 11 years old, be struck by a car and have brain damage. Be able to walk, but seem very different. Would you leave them to die? I would hope not. Yes your life would change, but its your child. Its part of you. I am shocked that I have yet to see one person speak in this helpless childs defense. If you want to do the minimum for your baby, at least give it a chance at living. Adoption is hard for anyone, no matter the state. But its a loving decision. This all is under the theory that your baby has any issue.


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## Violinnem

AllyTiel - quick question: have you yourself ever been placed in this situation? 

There's a lot of "I'd do this" and "I'd do that", but really, until you've been in the situation yourself you've no right to judge someone in the preachy way as you are doing. 
This is real life, and Downs is not just the friendly amicable nature you're describing. There's a huge variety of health issues connected to the disorder that can raise their heads in varying degrees, so is it fair for the child to have to live with that throughout their life? 

Get off your pedestal.


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## Violinnem

AlwaysPraying said:


> One step at a time my dear. Get the cvs done, and go from there. This is such a hard thing to have to decide something so drastic a head of time, not knowing if it's actually going to need to happen or not.
> 
> Down syndrome or any other syndrome has many variables to it. Some children with down syndrome have serious health issues, that can be seen in utero (heart, etc), so severe that they may not make birth. I only say this because it seems some people think that a down syndrome diagnosis means some special challenges with a delightful personality. HOwever, there's so much else going on as well. Heart, growth, mental capabilities all vary incredibly with this condition, and a shorter life expectancy.
> 
> My point is, there are details of down syndrome that not everyone knows (there's no reason that most people would know, so it's not a fault thing). I just felt the need to add for a different perspective.
> 
> V. your doing so well dealing with this, I admire your strength. But one thing, you don't NEED to be dealing well with this, just be genuine in your feelings and reactions (and it sounds like that's just what your doing).

Thank you so much for this response AlwaysPraying. I love the sense of realism and practicality you've given and highlighted a lot of the key issues me and my OH were discussing when talking openly and honestly about the situation. We didn't know all that much about DS before this, so researching it further was the reason we came to the decision we did. 
I totally get what you're saying about not planning too far ahead! I do this is every area of my life and plan plan plan (possibly because I'm a teacher so it's a major part of my life anyway!) for every possible scenario. I'm not one for taking things step by step, but have to look beyond events and decide what would happen if this happened, or if that happened etc. it's a part of my nature that gets on top of me much of the time but I can't seem to shake it unfortunately!
Thank you again for your support xx


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## Medzi

:hugs:


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## lcTaylor

Violinnem, I'm in a similar situation. I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis and we have yet to find out if the donor (private) is. We will be doing that next week. But, if he is, the baby has a 25% chance of having cystic fibrosis. I will not terminate the pregnancy, but I'm wondering if I should get an amnio to either prepare for our new life, or to not have to worry about it. 

I have a friend who was in the exact situation as you. She wanted to do an amnio because she wanted to prepare the family for the news before the baby was born. She just wanted everyone to be happy and excited about the baby, not shocked about what could be wrong. She waited until the latest time to do an amnio and talked to the clinic about their amnio/miscarriage rates. 

I hope you decide what to do, just remember your decision should be something you feel good about. I wish you and your growing family the best!


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## daydreaming22

AllyTiel said:


> Violinnem said:
> 
> 
> It's another option AllyTiel, though personally, I couldn't cope with going right throughout the pregnancy and the birth knowing I wouldn't be keeping it. Again, I know how that sounds. Thank you for the suggestion though! x
> 
> Is your emotional well being more important than a life? I don't think it is right to kill a child because it could be an inconvenience in your life. I don't think anyone is ready to handle that, but they do, because it is a child. I know down syndrome children to be very happy and friendly. Their quality of life does not suffer generally, because they know nothing else. I hope you would at least do that for your child, and it is still your child, no matter its genetic state. I would hope for that unconditional love from my parents, and I know your baby does too. I don't understand how anyone is okay with this. It honestly seems that noone values life.Click to expand...

I think a lot of people feel this way, but until you are put in the situation please dont judge! If we took a poll I bet 90% of you would say you would keep the baby no matter what. Kind of odd given that 90% of women given a DS diagnosis choose to abort!


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## mommylam

I think it really depends on how badly you need to know now for your peace of mind. You can always have the amino later and get the results when the risk of miscarriage has lessened. I think that it's just a very personal decision that you'll have to make based on what you feel is best for you, your partner and baby! Good Luck to you!

I just realized that I posted this really late in the game and I'm sorry that I hadn't read through to see where you are currently! Anyhow...sorry for that....I'm reading through now!


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## Violinnem

lcTaylor said:


> Violinnem, I'm in a similar situation. I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis and we have yet to find out if the donor (private) is. We will be doing that next week. But, if he is, the baby has a 25% chance of having cystic fibrosis. I will not terminate the pregnancy, but I'm wondering if I should get an amnio to either prepare for our new life, or to not have to worry about it.
> 
> I have a friend who was in the exact situation as you. She wanted to do an amnio because she wanted to prepare the family for the news before the baby was born. She just wanted everyone to be happy and excited about the baby, not shocked about what could be wrong. She waited until the latest time to do an amnio and talked to the clinic about their amnio/miscarriage rates.
> 
> I hope you decide what to do, just remember your decision should be something you feel good about. I wish you and your growing family the best!

Thank you. I really hope that you find out good news about the donors risk of carrying the CF gene and it's as low as possible. Same to you - your choice not to terminate should the baby have CF is your own personal decision and one to be admired :) there's such a good chance of it not doing too which is fantastic. 

I've also heard that amnios can be done much later in pregnancy as I spoke to the charity called ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) and the lady presented that as an option. Personally I wouldn't be able to wait that long to find out for definite whether it was Downs or not, but waiting until the risk is no longer of mc but of preterm labour is great for those who have firmly decided to continue no matter what. It's all very personal these choices! 

Xx


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## momto3kiddies

AllyTiel said:


> And Im sorry, but the part about wanting a typical life for yourself? *You chose to have a child. There are risks, you never, ever know what will happen. Your child could be 11 years old, be struck by a car and have brain damage. Be able to walk, but seem very different. Would you leave them to die? I would hope not. Yes your life would change, but its your child. Its part of you.* I am shocked that I have yet to see one person speak in this helpless childs defense. If you want to do the minimum for your baby, at least give it a chance at living. Adoption is hard for anyone, no matter the state. But its a loving decision. This all is under the theory that your baby has any issue.


:thumbup:


----------



## lcTaylor

Violinnem said:


> lcTaylor said:
> 
> 
> Violinnem, I'm in a similar situation. I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis and we have yet to find out if the donor (private) is. We will be doing that next week. But, if he is, the baby has a 25% chance of having cystic fibrosis. I will not terminate the pregnancy, but I'm wondering if I should get an amnio to either prepare for our new life, or to not have to worry about it.
> 
> I have a friend who was in the exact situation as you. She wanted to do an amnio because she wanted to prepare the family for the news before the baby was born. She just wanted everyone to be happy and excited about the baby, not shocked about what could be wrong. She waited until the latest time to do an amnio and talked to the clinic about their amnio/miscarriage rates.
> 
> I hope you decide what to do, just remember your decision should be something you feel good about. I wish you and your growing family the best!
> 
> Thank you. I really hope that you find out good news about the donors risk of carrying the CF gene and it's as low as possible. Same to you - your choice not to terminate should the baby have CF is your own personal decision and one to be admired :) there's such a good chance of it not doing too which is fantastic.
> 
> I've also heard that amnios can be done much later in pregnancy as I spoke to the charity called ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) and the lady presented that as an option. Personally I wouldn't be able to wait that long to find out for definite whether it was Downs or not, but waiting until the risk is no longer of mc but of preterm labour is great for those who have firmly decided to continue no matter what. It's all very personal these choices!
> 
> XxClick to expand...

Obviously, I hadn't read all the posts before I posted this. Now I have, and have to say that I am so upset that more women are not supportive of you. To me, it's no person's right to be judgmental of another family's decision. They don't know you, they don't know your family and most of these people aren't in and haven't dealt with the real possibility of this situation. There are conditions that mean a painful and difficult short life for the child, not just the parents. How could you judge anyone for choosing to end that pregnancy? And in the case of DS, and for me CF, there are degrees of severity. It can be very mild, or very, very difficult for the child. In my opinion, if you know yourself well enough to know that you couldn't handle the situation, deciding to end the pregnancy is responsible.

I'm sorry, I know you understand this, I'm just surprised at how some women are responding to you. 

I completely respect your decision, whatever that ends up being. :hugs:


----------



## Violinnem

lcTaylor said:


> Violinnem said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lcTaylor said:
> 
> 
> Violinnem, I'm in a similar situation. I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis and we have yet to find out if the donor (private) is. We will be doing that next week. But, if he is, the baby has a 25% chance of having cystic fibrosis. I will not terminate the pregnancy, but I'm wondering if I should get an amnio to either prepare for our new life, or to not have to worry about it.
> 
> I have a friend who was in the exact situation as you. She wanted to do an amnio because she wanted to prepare the family for the news before the baby was born. She just wanted everyone to be happy and excited about the baby, not shocked about what could be wrong. She waited until the latest time to do an amnio and talked to the clinic about their amnio/miscarriage rates.
> 
> I hope you decide what to do, just remember your decision should be something you feel good about. I wish you and your growing family the best!
> 
> Thank you. I really hope that you find out good news about the donors risk of carrying the CF gene and it's as low as possible. Same to you - your choice not to terminate should the baby have CF is your own personal decision and one to be admired :) there's such a good chance of it not doing too which is fantastic.
> 
> I've also heard that amnios can be done much later in pregnancy as I spoke to the charity called ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) and the lady presented that as an option. Personally I wouldn't be able to wait that long to find out for definite whether it was Downs or not, but waiting until the risk is no longer of mc but of preterm labour is great for those who have firmly decided to continue no matter what. It's all very personal these choices!
> 
> XxClick to expand...
> 
> Obviously, I hadn't read all the posts before I posted this. Now I have, and have to say that I am so upset that more women are not supportive of you. To me, it's no person's right to be judgmental of another family's decision. They don't know you, they don't know your family and most of these people aren't in and haven't dealt with the real possibility of this situation. There are conditions that mean a painful and difficult short life for the child, not just the parents. How could you judge anyone for choosing to end that pregnancy? And in the case of DS, and for me CF, there are degrees of severity. It can be very mild, or very, very difficult for the child. In my opinion, if you know yourself well enough to know that you couldn't handle the situation, deciding to end the pregnancy is responsible.
> 
> I'm sorry, I know you understand this, I'm just surprised at how some women are responding to you.
> 
> I completely respect your decision, whatever that ends up being. :hugs:Click to expand...

Thank you so much :) I'm a firm believer in having the right to make your own choices, unjudged by people who have strong beliefs of a different inclination. 
I too respect other viewpoints and decisions and would never try to ram my opinion down another persons throat in a plainly offensive manner, as has been done previously in the thread. 

Thank you so much once again, your support is greatly appreciated - I didn't want to just click 'thanks' and that's it! 

Again - good luck with your own situation I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news xxx


----------



## momto3kiddies

lcTaylor said:


> Obviously, I hadn't read all the posts before I posted this. Now I have, and have to say that I am so upset that more women are not supportive of you. To me, it's no person's right to be judgmental of another family's decision. They don't know you, they don't know your family and most of these people aren't in and haven't dealt with the real possibility of this situation. There are conditions that mean a painful and difficult short life for the child, not just the parents. How could you judge anyone for choosing to end that pregnancy? And in the case of DS, and for me CF, there are degrees of severity. It can be very mild, or very, very difficult for the child. In my opinion, if you know yourself well enough to know that you couldn't handle the situation, deciding to end the pregnancy is responsible.
> 
> I'm sorry, I know you understand this, I'm just surprised at how some women are responding to you.
> 
> I completely respect your decision, whatever that ends up being. :hugs:

I have tried to be nothing but respectful but honestly, in this part of the forum there are women in the first trimester that are hoping and praying that dont they see blood every time they do something as normal as using that bathroom when they wipe, many have had one loss or more and are more than willing to love and care for a child whether it be "normal" or not. So yes, some may not agree with the decision she is making, but that is their opinion just like its her choice what to do. You shouldn't be "shocked" as you said because I'm sure she was fully aware of the fact that some may not agree with her decision. there is actually a section on this forum with women that are going through the same thing..that may be a little more helpful


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## mommylam

My first response was obviously under the thought that this was a new thread so sorry I hadn't read through it completely before responding..

Also there really isn't much for me to add one way or the other since so much has already been said...so I just want to wish you peace through what certainly has to be a very painful and devastating time for you and I truly hope that you find out your baby is perfectly healthy. Good Luck to you!


----------



## Violinnem

mommylam said:


> My first response was obviously under the thought that this was a new thread so sorry I hadn't read through it completely before responding..
> 
> Also there really isn't much for me to add one way or the other since so much has already been said...so I just want to wish you peace through what certainly has to be a very painful and devastating time for you and I truly hope that you find out your baby is perfectly healthy. Good Luck to you!

No need to apologise at all! Thank you for comments :) 
Yes, I started this when I was in the first trimester but then continued to use it as I passed over into the second. xx


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## Sunshine12

Violinnem, you should maybe ask the administrators to move this over to the Gestation Complications forum rather than first tri hun as it could upset some people who are suffering losses or loss worries etc. (you know Im behind you with this but I think momto3kiddies has a point about it perhaps being in the wrong section.) x


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## lcTaylor

momto3kiddies said:


> lcTaylor said:
> 
> 
> Obviously, I hadn't read all the posts before I posted this. Now I have, and have to say that I am so upset that more women are not supportive of you. To me, it's no person's right to be judgmental of another family's decision. They don't know you, they don't know your family and most of these people aren't in and haven't dealt with the real possibility of this situation. There are conditions that mean a painful and difficult short life for the child, not just the parents. How could you judge anyone for choosing to end that pregnancy? And in the case of DS, and for me CF, there are degrees of severity. It can be very mild, or very, very difficult for the child. In my opinion, if you know yourself well enough to know that you couldn't handle the situation, deciding to end the pregnancy is responsible.
> 
> I'm sorry, I know you understand this, I'm just surprised at how some women are responding to you.
> 
> I completely respect your decision, whatever that ends up being. :hugs:
> 
> I have tried to be nothing but respectful but honestly, in this part of the forum there are women in the first trimester that are hoping and praying that dont they see blood every time they do something as normal as using that bathroom when they wipe, many have had one loss or more and are more than willing to love and care for a child whether it be "normal" or not. So yes, some may not agree with the decision she is making, but that is their opinion just like its her choice what to do. You shouldn't be "shocked" as you said because I'm sure she was fully aware of the fact that some may not agree with her decision. there is actually a section on this forum with women that are going through the same thing..that may be a little more helpfulClick to expand...

I'm one of those woman hoping to not see blood every time I wipe. I understand that people are going to disagree, I respect that too, everyone has their own opinion, but to express it rudely is shocking to me.


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## Violinnem

Fair point ladies! I've asked the administrator for it to be moved into Gestational Complications.


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## AllyTiel

Violinnem said:


> AllyTiel - quick question: have you yourself ever been placed in this situation?
> 
> There's a lot of "I'd do this" and "I'd do that", but really, until you've been in the situation yourself you've no right to judge someone in the preachy way as you are doing.
> This is real life, and Downs is not just the friendly amicable nature you're describing. There's a huge variety of health issues connected to the disorder that can raise their heads in varying degrees, so is it fair for the child to have to live with that throughout their life?
> 
> Get off your pedestal.

This has nothing to do with you, or me, and I'm not judging. Quit trying to take the attention off the baby! Thats the life that matters in this situation. There is still the fact that adoption is a very good choice, because at least noone dies in that. I've known more than a few down syndrome children, and they lived a relatively normal life (I am perfectly aware of the other health issues than can be present). If you aren't willing to deal with it, like I said, theres adoption and someone could! Wouldn't you want to give you child a chance if it did have a genetic disorder? I don't really understand why you would be offended. I am one of the only people to speak in babies defense, and that angers you? You want everyone to say its okay, so you feel no guilt about it. Again, sorry to offend, but I will risk offending to stand up for innocent children. BTW I do know what I would do in the situation. Keep it or adopt it out. Because no matter what, I don't believe killing is ever an option, no matter what the circumstance.


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## ame704

Hi, I am not here to judge you. You are right, it is hard to know all the emotions that go into this decision if you never had to deal with it. I wish you the very best and I hope and pray for healthy baby. 

I can offer you two stories that happen to my sister and sister in law. My sister was only 20 years old and they told her that between her scan and blood work he baby could possibly have downs. Well my nephew is 25 yrs old now and healthy as can be. My sister in law was around my age, 35 yrs old and she had the NT scan/bloodwork. Her results were NOT good. Now my niece is 7 years old and she is healthy as can be. I think these test are horrible because they stress people out and don't seem to be that accurate. I am only 8 weeks pregnant, I am 35 yrs old and scared to death of getting this test. I do have a question and I am hoping someone can help. Is downs a genetic trait, meaning does it run in families? Also if they test your blood, can't they do this before pregnancy to see what the likelihood of this would be? If you have a downs baby, is it more likely that you would be prone to having another downs baby?

Sorry for all the questions. I am trying to decide if I even want this test. It has a bad track record in my family...


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## girlinyork

Hi Ame, downs is a complete genetic anomaly - no link to parents' genetics. Nobody really knows why it happens. They can only correlate risk factors. I know loads of "older" mothers and not one had a downs baby.

On another note, I lost my baby last weekend. It's little heart just stopped beating. I was really distraught but found out after the ERPC it was malformed and had all sorts of problems. My heart is completely broken but ultimately I can't help thinking it was for the best. I don't know if I would have gotten rid further down the line. Before I got pregnant I would have said no - absolutely not. But the idea of my baby suffering through its whole life is agonising. If I even try and put myself into the position where I might have had to had consider it I simply can't comprehend it.

Like I said before - if there are consequences for your decision, they are yours and yours alone. I just feel so sorry for what you're going through xx


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## Violinnem

AllyTiel said:


> Because no matter what, I don't believe killing is ever an option, no matter what the circumstance.

Exactly - YOU believe that. I believe something else. End of. You do what you like with your body and your baby. I'll do the right thing for me, my OH and my baby within the context of my life, situation, beliefs and opinions.


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## Violinnem

girlinyork said:


> Hi Ame, downs is a complete genetic anomaly - no link to parents' genetics. Nobody really knows why it happens. They can only correlate risk factors. I know loads of "older" mothers and not one had a downs baby.
> 
> On another note, I lost my baby last weekend. It's little heart just stopped beating. I was really distraught but found out after the ERPC it was malformed and had all sorts of problems. My heart is completely broken but ultimately I can't help thinking it was for the best. I don't know if I would have gotten rid further down the line. Before I got pregnant I would have said no - absolutely not. But the idea of my baby suffering through its whole life is agonising. If I even try and put myself into the position where I might have had to had consider it I simply can't comprehend it.
> 
> Like I said before - if there are consequences for your decision, they are yours and yours alone. I just feel so sorry for what you're going through xx

I'm SO sorry for your loss. Words just can't describe what you must be feeling at the moment. This is why I'm trying to get this thread moved over to another forum, out of the way of women like yourself who are suffering awful losses in their first trimester. Again, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. 

I also said no to termination under any circumstances before I got pregnant, unfortunately that view shaken. Everyone can theorise as to what they'd do but just can't understand until its them in the situation personally. x


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## daviess3

Vio just wanted to pop in an say good luck with ur amnio an I think it's a brave decision either way! Do what's right for you an ur hubby! My sil has a disabled child an she loves him to pieces but she also has a really really hard job!! She's single mum now an her daughter also is a carer to her son!! She has to think about when he's older an bigger an she can't take care of him!! She also says if she new what quality of life he would have an the operations he would suffer her decisions may have been different! He was a prem baby so slightly different! 
I just wanted to give you a situation an theres no right or wrong here just what's right for you good luck my lovely xxx


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## Violinnem

Thank you for your sil's story and support :) that's exactly the reasons we're having the amnio so we know what the case really is and can deal with whichever road that needs to be travelled down. I agree that if it's clear the child will suffer throughout its entire life then sometimes other choices need to be considered. 
Thanks again and yey for your little prune you're brewing!! xxx


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## daviess3

Thank you xxx


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## ame704

girlinyork said:


> Hi Ame, downs is a complete genetic anomaly - no link to parents' genetics. Nobody really knows why it happens. They can only correlate risk factors. I know loads of "older" mothers and not one had a downs baby.
> 
> On another note, I lost my baby last weekend. It's little heart just stopped beating. I was really distraught but found out after the ERPC it was malformed and had all sorts of problems. My heart is completely broken but ultimately I can't help thinking it was for the best. I don't know if I would have gotten rid further down the line. Before I got pregnant I would have said no - absolutely not. But the idea of my baby suffering through its whole life is agonising. If I even try and put myself into the position where I might have had to had consider it I simply can't comprehend it.
> 
> Like I said before - if there are consequences for your decision, they are yours and yours alone. I just feel so sorry for what you're going through xx


I too am so so sorry for your loss. How many weeks were you?


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## pickleton

Ive ready through most of this thread, I'm not posting to judge or pass comment on previous threads. 

Only to say that I cannot truthfully know what it would be like or how I would feel in your situation, it is such a hard thing to go through and it takes a lot of courage and strength of character to come to a decision one way or another.

I wish you all the best for your up and coming tests and I hope that everything works out for you.

I was so strongly against having a CVS or amnio test until a week ago when we found out that DH has a chromosome abnormality, which could be the cause for our past losses. We have no idea what impact this will have on our pregnancy as we have yet to discuss the results with the specialist. All I know is that I am now considering an amnio depending on the results of my NT scan next Friday. 

Again I wish you all the best. xxx


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## cosmicgirlxxx

I hope that your results are normal hunnie, what a difficult decision to have to make, you are a very brave lady. my thoughts are with you and your oh xxx


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## Violinnem

Thank you pickleton :) I'm keeping my fingers firmly crossed that the chromosome abnormality has no effect on your baby. Im also so sorry to hear of your previous losses.
Whereabouts in Yorkshire are you? The Huddersfield Royal Infirmary has a great track record for performing amnios so that's where I'm going. Also, Leeds Hospital has a special fetal medicine unit that does amnios as often as can be, so it's very very routine for them, the specialists are very well trained and that in itself can be very reassuring. Ask your doctor/midwife for details about the history of the specialist who would do the procedure so you have all the info you need to settle your mind and be safe in the knowledge that you're in good hands. 
I'll be thinking of you - keep me posted. Best wishes for the best possible results :) x


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## Violinnem

Thank you cosmicgirl :) x


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## Mum22GTTC

Huge :hugs: to you Violinnem. I really hope that some of the responses in this thread haven't further added to the distressing time you are already dealing with. As you know, no-one knows how they will truly feel until they are in that situation at that particular time in their lives (especially as without researching what Down Syndrome is few people actually know what it really means for the child & family, yet they still feel fit to judge others :growlmad:). Even now I do not know how I'd feel if the sitation happened to me again, I really don't. 

I hope my story can give you a little bit of hope. Although statistically my odds were 'better' (so sorry, I feel awful just saying that), I have been there twice, my first two pregnancies were high risk for Downs. I went on to have the amnio in both pregnancies & thankfully I then went on to have perfectly healthy babies. The risk of miscarriage from the amnio is very, very low, so please try not to worry about that, people may have their scare stories, but unless you've heard a negative story from the horses mouth I would not believe it for one second!

For my third pregnacy my results from the NT scan & bloods came baby sooooo low lisk I could hardly believe it. I'm in pieces right now waiting until I can get the tests done for this pregnancy.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, if you ever need a chat or have any questions about the amnio feel free to PM me. I'm thinking of you & your OH & wishing you both the very best :hugs:


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## JennyLynn512

AllyTiel said:


> This has nothing to do with you, or me, and I'm not judging. Quit trying to take the attention off the baby! Thats the life that matters in this situation. There is still the fact that adoption is a very good choice, because at least noone dies in that. I've known more than a few down syndrome children, and they lived a relatively normal life (I am perfectly aware of the other health issues than can be present). If you aren't willing to deal with it, like I said, theres adoption and someone could! Wouldn't you want to give you child a chance if it did have a genetic disorder? I don't really understand why you would be offended. I am one of the only people to speak in babies defense, and that angers you? You want everyone to say its okay, so you feel no guilt about it. Again, sorry to offend, but I will risk offending to stand up for innocent children. BTW I do know what I would do in the situation. Keep it or adopt it out. Because no matter what, I don't believe killing is ever an option, no matter what the circumstance.

This post makes me want to scream. I know this is a huge controversial issue and always will be...until the end of time. Unfortunately, you, ALLYTIEL, have absolutely no say in what Vio decides to do. She's going to do what is best for her OH, her, and her baby and posting this thread was her way of searching out to others in need of advice, encouragement, and/or help. I understand that you have your opinions on abortion and for you, killing is never an option. But as Vio has pointed out time and time again to you, "if you were ever placed in this situation, the outcome may be completely different than what you _say_ you would do now." You know plenty of children with down syndrome...that's great...do you take care of them? Do you pay the hospital bills that come to those families after years and years of doctor's visits? Did you have to quit your job and sacrifice income to stay at home with your child who has down syndrome and needs full one on one attention constantly? I'm guessing no. It is not all about the baby here Ally. The mother and father are consistently affected no matter what way you look at the situation. 

Onto your adoption plea; have you ever given a child up for adoption? Please, before you harshly (and rudely I may add) voice your opinion on this thread, think about how you would feel if you were in her shoes. You have yet to acknowledge that at all. And yes you are judging.....judgement comes in all forms and this, my friend, is judgement at it's best. We may not know Vio in person or be best friends with her, but she has come here and opened up on this forum with a situation that all of us can only hope we don't ever have to go through. Would it be possible for you to put aside your opinions on abortion for one minute and see the real issue here. The issue that you may not agree with her, but forcing your opinions down her throat is rude and inconsiderate. Maybe you could find a little ounce of love in that ice cold heart of yours and just give her words of hope and encouragement that she gets through this rough time with her head held high and all of us there for her if she ever needs to talk.


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## TTCnum2

Down syndrome babies are beautiful children, I dont see why it matters, its just an increased rick to ur child

p.s. this post has nothing to do with "choice" nor meant to start a debate, i was just hoping u could see how beautiful the child could still be, whatever you decide
 



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## pickleton

Violinnem said:


> Thank you pickleton :) I'm keeping my fingers firmly crossed that the chromosome abnormality has no effect on your baby. Im also so sorry to hear of your previous losses.
> Whereabouts in Yorkshire are you? The Huddersfield Royal Infirmary has a great track record for performing amnios so that's where I'm going. Also, Leeds Hospital has a special fetal medicine unit that does amnios as often as can be, so it's very very routine for them, the specialists are very well trained and that in itself can be very reassuring. Ask your doctor/midwife for details about the history of the specialist who would do the procedure so you have all the info you need to settle your mind and be safe in the knowledge that you're in good hands.
> I'll be thinking of you - keep me posted. Best wishes for the best possible results :) x

Aww thanks Violinnew, I'm in Hull, I've got to go to Leeds for a chat with the specialists to discuss the Chromosome issue whenever I get that appointment through. I hope because they put in the letter a 'slight chromosome abnormality' that it's not too serious, but you never can tell 100%.

I'll keep Huddersfield in mind if I cross that bridge. For now it's each day at a time and hoping that I can make it through each day without miscarrying.

Likewise, let me know how you get on, I hope with all my heart you get good results. xxx


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## Mum22GTTC

TTCnum2 said:


> Down syndrome babies are beautiful children, I dont see why it matters, its just an increased rick to ur child
> 
> p.s. this post has nothing to do with "choice" nor meant to start a debate, i was just hoping u could see how beautiful the child could still be, whatever you decide

I really hope you are not implying that Down Syndrome is merely how a child looks. Of course all children are beautiful, every person on this earth is beautiful in their own right. Down Syndrome can be an extremely serious condition with many serious health implications, that can seriously effect the childs quality of life. 

To be honest I find your post nothing but spiteful.


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## AlwaysPraying

V I admire your strength still. Through some of these posts your still so calm, and strong and respectable. 

I'm getting upset about some of the language on this thread. It's just not fair.


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## TTCnum2

Mum22GTTC said:


> TTCnum2 said:
> 
> 
> Down syndrome babies are beautiful children, I dont see why it matters, its just an increased rick to ur child
> 
> p.s. this post has nothing to do with "choice" nor meant to start a debate, i was just hoping u could see how beautiful the child could still be, whatever you decide
> 
> I really hope you are not implying that Down Syndrome is merely how a child looks. Of course all children are beautiful, every person on this earth is beautiful in their own right. Down Syndrome can be an extremely serious condition with many serious health implications, that can seriously effect the childs quality of life.
> 
> To be honest I find your post nothing but spiteful.Click to expand...

OF COURSE NOT, im not an idiot, and certainly not spiteful..... I meant in general, those children may also look beautiful, but the also look happy. There was a lot more to my message than that, but i can see how it was taken that way..... either way, not what I meant AT ALL


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## ZoeZo

Thank you Violinnem - I think this tread is very useful to all us in the first tri who will be getting scan appointments and have to make the decision to have NT screening done or not.

Technically you don't have gestational complications as far as we know yet? Just a higher risk of DS.

You're welcome momto3kiddies, I think I cried my eyes out reading that blog, brave lady sharing with the whole world.

Cruel words are the last think needed on this thread, we all need to support each other, we are all entitled to opinions accept that some may not agree, do not be judgemental or nasty ladies x


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## Wobbles

Moved to Gestational Complications from First Tri at the request of the OP.


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## Septie

We have 2 DS children in our wider circle. Both a complete surprise at birth, no prior signs (one lady in her early 30's, one in her late 30's). One child is now a severely mentally challenged teenager (he undresses himself in front of strangers, is less verbal than my barely verbal trilingual 2 year old, ...). The other is just a baby, he had a major previously undiagnosed heart defect requiring emergency heart surgery immediately after birth. The baby (thankfully born in a European country with lots of free support) already gets developmental therapy sessions 4 days a week. They are hoping for the best.
Best of luck with your test!


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## babykixalot

I'm in the same boat. Our baby showed a soft marker of Down Syndrome in our 18 week ultrasound however our screening was negative. Either way, I'm not sure if I should do the Amnio so that I can prepare for any possibility. My concern is managing my anxiety and stress levels if I don't find out. I completely understand your concerns and wish you all the best. I'm sure everything will be OK :)


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## Nathyrra

This thread makes my heart hurt.

I've been in this boat. I have a child with DS. He is an absolute angel. Though I understand peoples right to make their own decisions, I feel like there is alot of ignorance to DS in this thread. 

As regards to CVS or Amnio's. It's personal, I understand the need to know. I've been there. It's tough. It's not as black and white as one way or another. I do think though, that you need to speak to people that actually have children with DS. Living the 'what ifs' are so very different from living the life with that child. No one thinks they can cope. Everyone thinks they deserve a 'healthy' baby. I wasn't born with a special ability to cope with a special needs child. I just did. Turns out it's not 'coping' at all, It's a pleasure.


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## SwabianMrs

I am shocked at some of the comments that have been made. Unsupportive, judgemental and very very harsh.

Yes some people with DS live happy and long lives. However, far more have health problems that plague them throughout their lives. And even more of them die before birth. 80% of babies with DS will not make it to birth. All people with DS get Alzheimer's disease before age 50.

So if the OP's amnio results show that her precious baby does have DS, she has a horrible decision to make. Does she choose to end the pregnancy? Does she choose to carry on and face the very real probability that the pregnancy will end in stillbirth? Does she carry on with the pregnancy and, if she is lucky, have a live baby - but that live baby may end up having lots of painful surgeries throughout what may be a short life? If by some super miracle her baby doesn't need any surgeries, that baby will end up with a terrible form of dementia at a ridiculously young age.

No mother should ever be in that position - and if she is - people should support whatever decision she makes, and if it isn't the one you would have made - be grateful you weren't in that position. Those women who chose to terminate are no more cruel or selfish than those who chose to proceed, they have just made a different choice. Part of me feels, they chose to bear the pain so that their precious and much loved baby did not. And I say this as a woman whose DS baby died when I was 32 weeks pregnant.

I hope and pray that the screening results were wrong and the OP has the healthy baby she deserves. Because the one thing she has shown through all her posts in this thread - is that she is an excellent mother.


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## Andypanda6570

SwabianMrs said:


> I am shocked at some of the comments that have been made. Unsupportive, judgemental and very very harsh.
> 
> Yes some people with DS live happy and long lives. However, far more have health problems that plague them throughout their lives. And even more of them die before birth. 80% of babies with DS will not make it to birth. All people with DS get Alzheimer's disease before age 50.
> 
> So if the OP's amnio results show that her precious baby does have DS, she has a horrible decision to make. Does she choose to end the pregnancy? Does she choose to carry on and face the very real probability that the pregnancy will end in stillbirth? Does she carry on with the pregnancy and, if she is lucky, have a live baby - but that live baby may end up having lots of painful surgeries throughout what may be a short life? If by some super miracle her baby doesn't need any surgeries, that baby will end up with a terrible form of dementia at a ridiculously young age.
> 
> No mother should ever be in that position - and if she is - people should support whatever decision she makes, and if it isn't the one you would have made - be grateful you weren't in that position. Those women who chose to terminate are no more cruel or selfish than those who chose to proceed, they have just made a different choice. Part of me feels, they chose to bear the pain so that their precious and much loved baby did not. And I say this as a woman whose DS baby died when I was 32 weeks pregnant.
> 
> I hope and pray that the screening results were wrong and the OP has the healthy baby she deserves. Because the one thing she has shown through all her posts in this thread - is that she is an excellent mother.

I do agree that it her choice and NOBODY should judge her or anyone. But I disagree with your comments on DS. My aunt is 58 and has DS she does not have any of those problems you mention and I would say MOST DS babies live very normal lives and get through life just fine, maybe a small percent will have future problems, but not most, that is not my experience. I don't know where you are getting your facts but DS babies don't end up in still birth or die in the womb. More babies with things like Trisomy yes will die but not DS, they live good and full lives. I know from experience . They learn go to regular schools here and are just like you and me.
I am so very sorry for your loss, my deepest condolences :hugs::hugs::hugs:
We all have to make choices and we as woman should support other woman never judge them, i agree with you on that.. :hugs:


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## Violinnem

Thank you all for your comments, support and the many varying facts, figures and viewpoints - all of which are appreciated and respected. 
SwabianMrs - I'm SO sorry for your loss. Words can't describe how painful that mustve been for you. 
Just a quick update. I had the amnio on Thursday and have been resting ever since at home. Work have been very understanding about this which is excellent. The doctor said I'm not to lift anything, stand up too much or even bend down. My OH has been fab as well, waiting on me hand and foot! :) 
The procedure itself wasn't half as bad as Id built it up to be in my mind, a sharp pain as the needle passed through the skin and then just weirdly uncomfortable as it passed into the layers with no nerves into the uterus. It was fairly quick too and was over before I knew it. They sprayed on some spray-on plaster to minimise infection, advised me on what I should/shouldn't do in the recovery period and what signs to look out for that may signal things aren't going well. So far I've had the odd period type cramp, but no spotting or fluid loss, fever etc which is great. The first 72 hours are most critical and then take it easy for the next 2 weeks and then after 6 weeks you're officially out of the post-amnio 'mc danger zone'. 
Ill be finding out the results via phone after 3:20pm on Monday, sonice got everything crossed for everything to be ok. 

Thank you again for all your replies :) xxx


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## Andypanda6570

Violinnem said:


> Thank you all for your comments, support and the many varying facts, figures and viewpoints - all of which are appreciated and respected.
> SwabianMrs - I'm SO sorry for your loss. Words can't describe how painful that mustve been for you.
> Just a quick update. I had the amnio on Thursday and have been resting ever since at home. Work have been very understanding about this which is excellent. The doctor said I'm not to lift anything, stand up too much or even bend down. My OH has been fab as well, waiting on me hand and foot! :)
> The procedure itself wasn't half as bad as Id built it up to be in my mind, a sharp pain as the needle passed through the skin and then just weirdly uncomfortable as it passed into the layers with no nerves into the uterus. It was fairly quick too and was over before I knew it. They sprayed on some spray-on plaster to minimise infection, advised me on what I should/shouldn't do in the recovery period and what signs to look out for that may signal things aren't going well. So far I've had the odd period type cramp, but no spotting or fluid loss, fever etc which is great. The first 72 hours are most critical and then take it easy for the next 2 weeks and then after 6 weeks you're officially out of the post-amnio 'mc danger zone'.
> Ill be finding out the results via phone after 3:20pm on Monday, sonice got everything crossed for everything to be ok.
> 
> Thank you again for all your replies :) xxx

My heart is with you and I am wishing you all the best.. XOXOXO I am really thinking of you ..Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
You do what is best for you no matter the outcome of this, we all will be here for you// XOXOXXOO


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## Medzi

I have been thinking about you a lot and about this thread. You are so strong and I hope with all my heart everything will be ok. :hugs:


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## Violinnem

Thank you Medzi, that really means a lot :) Just seen your signature too. I'm so sorry for your loss, and thank you for your thoughts at this difficult time. I'll be thinking of you too and hope you can pick yourself up and stay as strong as you can be xxx


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## Medzi

Thank you. I just knew in my heart it was going to happen and got the sad news on Wednesday that it would. My mc started naturally on Thursday and so I have just been home and have a scan on Monday to check everything. Very sad - but I know I will be ok and I know I am allowed to be sad and it will just take time. Thanks for thinking of me.

I have everything crossed for you! :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Medzi said:


> Thank you. I just knew in my heart it was going to happen and got the sad news on Wednesday that it would. My mc started naturally on Thursday and so I have just been home and have a scan on Monday to check everything. Very sad - but I know I will be ok and I know I am allowed to be sad and it will just take time. Thanks for thinking of me.
> 
> I have everything crossed for you! :hugs:

My deepest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. This is so hard I know :cry:. If you ever need to talk I am always around.. Andrea'
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Medzi

Andypanda6570 said:


> Medzi said:
> 
> 
> Thank you. I just knew in my heart it was going to happen and got the sad news on Wednesday that it would. My mc started naturally on Thursday and so I have just been home and have a scan on Monday to check everything. Very sad - but I know I will be ok and I know I am allowed to be sad and it will just take time. Thanks for thinking of me.
> 
> I have everything crossed for you! :hugs:
> 
> My deepest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. This is so hard I know :cry:. If you ever need to talk I am always around.. Andrea'
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Thank you so much. :hugs:


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## Mum22GTTC

I hope you are OK Violinnem. I've been thinking of you & your OH, wish you both the very best. :hugs:


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## Sunshine12

Violinnem, have you had your results yet? xxx


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## Violinnem

Hi! Sorry I updated my journal in great depth but completely overlooked this one for some strange reason. The baby has no problems with the 3 big conditions they test for!! Me and my OH are absolutely over the moon!! Also once the full karyotype analysis comes back we'll be able to find out the sex!! That should be in 9 days time :) 
Thank you AGAIN for all your help, support and advice during this experience - its all SO appreciated :) 

Wishing you all the best of wishes in all of your personal journeys :) xxx


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## Sunshine12

Aww thats so fab. Really pleased for you. You must be so relieved. :hugs: x


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## pickleton

Aw glad you got good results. xx All the best xx


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## mikeyhos

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi,

My wife and I have been having several difficulties with our pregnancy and we were wondering if you had any imput or advice.

We first found many risk factors for a chromo abnormality. We took the CVS test and found that there was no Chomo abnormalities. So, that is good.

Here is what we are dealing with now:

As of week 18, the specialists have found:
-Possibly an enlarged bladder. Now thinking it might not be the bladder since it sits off to the side where the bladder shouldn't be. He said it puzzles him and that it might be something with the bowels/intestines, but not sure yet.

-Limbs are a few weeks behind

-Possible heart defect, going to see Cardiologist next week

-Curved Spine

Has anyone had similar problems to this? They are looking into different gentic possibilities, but can't put a finger on what is going on right now. Has anyone gone through this? Anyone that has had anything similar, please PM me or reply. We appreciate it. Thanks.


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## Sunshine12

Mikeyhos, to get most replies you would be better starting a new thread for this. You might not get many in gestation problems forum though as there are a smaller number of users on here. If I were you I would this on third tri (or second if you havent already.) Wish you well. x


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## mikeyhos

Sunshine12 said:


> Mikeyhos, to get most replies you would be better starting a new thread for this. You might not get many in gestation problems forum though as there are a smaller number of users on here. If I were you I would this on third tri (or second if you havent already.) Wish you well. x

Thanks!


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## Havmercy

Violinnem said:


> Hi! Sorry I updated my journal in great depth but completely overlooked this one for some strange reason. The baby has no problems with the 3 big conditions they test for!! Me and my OH are absolutely over the moon!! Also once the full karyotype analysis comes back we'll be able to find out the sex!! That should be in 9 days time :)
> Thank you AGAIN for all your help, support and advice during this experience - its all SO appreciated :)
> 
> Wishing you all the best of wishes in all of your personal journeys :) xxx

I'm very happy for you Violinnem. I've been reading all the posts here and I'm relieved to see your results are good. We tested 1/4000 for trisomies and 1/16 for downs. We are having an amnio on Feb.3rd. I couldn't stop crying until I read about your results. The baby is measuring fine, hb is 160 but I'm 38 years old so my blood work put me in a high risk category. I've heard mixed reviews about the nuchal test, some say it's accurate some not. Either way, until you are faced with knowing your baby may be sick, a person can't say what they would do. We spent 2 years TTC. This is our first. I spent the entire 1st trimester paranoid about having a miscarriage. Now, in my 2nd, I'm faced with possible downs.
These past few days have been a nightmare for me. The hubby says it doesn't matter to him if the baby has downs, but it matters to me. We are older parents. Who will care for our special needs child if something happens to us? I will be 65 when this baby turns 26. A down's child can not live independently at that age. 
There are a lot of issues that come to mind in having a downs child. I don't want a sick baby, and it pains me to know that I will terminate if it comes back positive. It's been a long journey to get here but I couldn't live with knowing I contributed to bringing a life into this world that would not even be able to enjoy it due to health issues.


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