13 yr old teen daughter help !!

[lissaloo]

hi everyone,

i need help from anyone with teen girl experience.

my daughter is really mouthy tonight she told her dad to f**K off she blows in my face when im trying to talk to her

whatever punishment i give her just doesn't work i have done the usual taking away her cd' dvd player hair straightners makes up but nothing seems to have an effect

can anyone give me some ideas and advice x

 

[Blah11]

It's normal teenage behaviour i'm afraid. I was a nightmare when I was 13-16 but I just grew out of it I put my poor mum through hell but now we're the best of friends. Sorry I don't have any magic tips for you

 

[lissaloo]

omg it's so hard i just don't know what to do , if it's not me she's falling out with it's her dad or oicking on the little ones ..

 

[Dizzy321]

Probably herJust being a teenager, but as for using language like that to her dad I would not have that, I dont even swear to my parents now lol, sorry no better advice x

 

[taperjeangirl]

Hmmm.....my oldest is 13 and sort of the same with attitude but doesnt swear at me, I honestly don't know what I would do if that happened, I would probably kill her!

I have tried all the stuff you have, no TV, dvds, internet, mobile..... it works sometimes but mostly not.
Do you still let her go out with her friends? Thats where it hurts Gemma when she is grounded with no pocket money for a couple of weeks.

I also make her do things round the hosue when she is grounded, dont allow her to just sit around watching TV, I have found that sticking to whatever punishment you decide on is the key though, if you give in once they know you will give in again!

Over the past couple of years I have found myself becoming a bit more strict with her and it seems to be paying off, she doesnt seem as keen on taking the piss out of me iykwim?

I know some wont agree, but there has to be some sort of fear there that you will carry out any punishments and wont let them away with murder!

Probably no help, but just wanted you to know you are not alone!

 

[Jkelmum]

Sounds like my son his attitude stinks i have a meeting at school tomorrow as he as been mouthing at teachers and not doing his homework until 6 months ago he was a good child now he is my worse nightmare

 

[taperjeangirl]

Sounds like my son his attitude stinks i have a meeting at school tomorrow as he as been mouthing at teachers and not doing his homework until 6 months ago he was a good child now he is my worse nightmare

Aw hun thankfully mine is doing really good at school ....so far anyway. It's at home she is a total nightmare xxx

 

[Mervs Mum]

I'm with Andrea on this one.

I dont accept it as 'normal' teenage behaviour. It might be normal for some, but it aint in my house.

Taking CDs and hair straighteners off her isnt much of a punishment TBH.

My 13 yr old has been lippy with me in the past - eye rolling, bad body language etc - and I hit her where it hurts. She's grounded and I mean properly. She didnt leave the house except to go to school for 6 weeksm last time she got gobby. I took her mobile off her and there's no internet/CD/TV etc too. The killer is not being allowed to go places with her friends and I stick to it. No birthday partyies not even allowed to play hockey or what ever after school. I also sent her to bed at 8pm EVERY night for 6 weeks when she started with an attitude.

You have to be hard IMO or you'll get nowhere.

 

[helen1234]

my daughter is 14yrs old but last yr we had a spout of really rude behaviour wont go into all the details but it was quite bad.
you have to be strong and stick by your punishment no matter what. she needs to learn boundries and yo have to be strong.

rosie threw such a paddy over something really trivial and decided to have a hormonal outrage in her bedroom started smashing things and the language was awful.

i literally stripped her bedroom completely games, mobile phone, tv, playstation, laptop she was grounded for two months the biggy lol was it was 6 weeks holidays and i packed her off to my mums who took her to church knitting club 3 days a week to knit scarfs for romania orphanage. she was there 2 weeks. i never get into a slanging match or into a to and fro arguement, what i say oes end of, they are my boundries use or lose it is my motto lol.

hit it where it hurts, and keep doing it.
it is really hard i know rosie can test the patience of a saint but she knows when i say carry on or thats not acceptable behaviour she knows the boundary cant be crossed.
i can honestly say she's never done anything like it again as its now zero tolerance 1 warning if its crossed she gets full pelt now i just will not tolerate it.

the thing is if she cant learn authority and respect now she'll lose respect for teachers at school and get snappy with her mates.

lots of praising though as much as you punish i give lots of loves back when she's nice and always make sure we have our time too,

does she have any chores?

 

[PixieKitty]

Definitely teenage behaviour. I remember telling to go fuckinghiself and die, that I was going to kill myself and hated him and everything he stood for. Of course with my problem that's a bet OTT, but it's quite normal

 

[Pyrrhic]

I was awful as a teenager, and things being taken away from me did absolutly nothing. Being grounded did nothing either. I was once grounded for an entire year, and not allowed out of the house unless it was to go to school. Still did nothing. You know what did?

Having my parents sit down , and talk to me and when I had one of my childish tantrums, they kept it together and spoke to me calmly and rationally. Also not just saying 'no' all the time but saying something like 'I don't mind you disagreeing with me, but please be polite at least'.

 

[babybump_teen]

I remember when I was 13. I never swore, but if I did, my mom would be very upset, and make me write a letter about what I did wrong, and then make me go to my room for the rest of the night.
Just talk to her and ask her to try to be nice. Say that you know what she's going through, but try not to take it out the way she has been doing.

 

[Pyrrhic]

Yeah, letters worked with me too.

 

[RedString]

When i got really mouthy with my mom once, she sent me to my room, and I kept screaming at her from in there, saying all sorts of horrible things. Finally she came in and said "if you say one more word, so help me, I will smack you."

Seeing as smacking children is so taboo, and abusive, and the signs of a bad parent, I dind't think she would. I said "moo." with as much contempt in my voice as I possibly could muster, and a glare that said "I dare you."

And y'know what? She did. Not very hard, not even really a smack. just a light tap on the cheek. And then she left. I was in so much shock, and I've never argued with my mom like that since.

 

[lissaloo]

hi girls well we stuck to her punishment grounded in her room all weekend with no t.v c/d player phone nothing !!

RESULT she said sorry and tidyed her bedroom well cleaned it top to bottom AND did a smashing job on her homework !!

thanks to all of you im glad im not the only with a gobby teen x

 

[Mervs Mum]

You definitely are not on your own!! I think what ever your approach is they key thing is to be consistent or she wont believe you and will respect you even less.

 

[helen1234]

no your not alone hun and until someones been through the teens of today i dont think they can comprehend how heated things can get.
i sometimes think rosie has been too spoilt thats why we have to take all her privlidges off her as being just gronded she doesnt care she sits on her ipod, and vice versa.
once we'd punished rosie severely things have gotten alot better and havent had a proper outburst since last august. we get the general huffing and puffing and trying to push curfews but nothing major.

i think the classic mistake i did with rosie was try and befriend her rather than be a parent. and i think it was because i was pregnant i spoilt her thinking she was feeling left out. i let her have the trainers she wanted etc etc.

x

 

[taperjeangirl]

no your not alone hun and until someones been through the teens of today i dont think they can comprehend how heated things can get.
i sometimes think rosie has been too spoilt thats why we have to take all her privlidges off her as being just gronded she doesnt care she sits on her ipod, and vice versa.
once we'd punished rosie severely things have gotten alot better and havent had a proper outburst since last august. we get the general huffing and puffing and trying to push curfews but nothing major.

i think the classic mistake i did with rosie was try and befriend her rather than be a parent. and i think it was because i was pregnant i spoilt her thinking she was feeling left out. i let her have the trainers she wanted etc etc.

x

LOL I could have been writing this myself! Gemma was spoilt by everyone as she was the 1st granddaughter and my 1st etc...

Big mistake isnt it!

I tried to explain to my SIL about the whole befriending and not parenting thing because her 13 year old is a total nightmare, she wants to be 18 and acts like one and SIL lets her, gives her everything and trys to be "cool" with her mates..... Then she wonders why she is a total spolit brat! She tries to get away with it in my house.....

Now she doesnt want to come here cos I wont let her away with murder! But I wont have a 13 year old dictating to me how I should treat them.

 

[tasha41]

It is normal teenage behaviour but you don't have to accept that from her!! It might be a rough couple of years, but most** people grow out of it- and acting rather than just sitting by and letting her do what she wants will make her more likely to "get over" this phase.

I would say ground her from privelages with her friends, that's the worst punishment for a teenager. You have to be tough or it'll never change - no going to birthday parties, concerts, no internet or phone privelages, etc. They can whine and fight you on it all they want but you can't give in or they'll lie and get out of being grounded every time!