1st Miscarriage Vent

[Cazy2]

Hi everyone,

Just needed a good old vent today, feeling sick and tired of everything. The start of my miscarriage experience started with spotting on the 23rd of August, I was worried but wanted to be optimistic about it being a normal part of my first pregnancy, I sort of calculated I was 5 weeks but wasn't 100% sure. I was then taken into A&E on the 29th August with severe abdominal pains after cramping for half a day. I'd had blood work on the day before to find my hcg levels were 1700 - the doctor said this was higher than they'd expect it to be and I was possibly further along than I thought. Anyway, after being admitted into the maternity hospital and getting blood work back they found the levels were dropping - 1600 on the 30th. The pain was manageable and the spotting had turned to light bleeding, no clots or tissue though. I had a scan and another blood test before being discharged 24 hours later with them telling me that they could not find a pregnancy with the scan and even though the levels were changing slowly, they were going down. Since then I have had blood taken regularly, another episode of severe pain (not quite as bad as the first) whilst out shopping where I could not move and it only ceased, like before until I violently threw up - I phoned the hospital but they didn't want to see me unless the pain continued.
It's been a month tomorrow since the first episode where I was taken to hospital (and where I presume the miscarriage started) and even though I stopped bleeding last week - finally! (3 weeks is quite enough in my opinion) - my hcg levels are still present and taking forever to go down.
They are now 250 from last weeks 400 to the week before's 700...
My doctor has told me that it's not totally unheard of to take this long but it's not overly normal either. They haven't suggested anything to help with this process; just keep taking blood on a weekly basis to ensure it keeps going down, however slowly.
I just wanted to know if anyone has had a similar experience?
Even though I haven't been feeling like BD-ing lately with all the examinations and things going on with my body, the few times we have we haven't used protection. I'm assuming though until my hormone levels go way down that we won't be able to conceive, no ovulation? I don't know the science around this and whenever I ask about fertility and trying again no medical professionals will give me a straight answer and have just said to discuss it with the gynecologist I am seeing in October.
I think my little rant is over. Amazing how you can try and prepare yourselves for the worse but I have truly been shattered by this whole experience, the hormones just make everything so much harder... you can't think rationally at all.
Thanks if you got through all that

 

[italianlady14]

Cazy,

I only recently had my first pregnancy and m/c, around 7 weeks. It was a blighted ovum and I was pretty lucky as it took about 10 days to go from the first bleeding to the last. I don't think I can advise you on how long it might take, but I do know my Dr told us no BDing until the bleeding stopped, as the cervix is more open and infection risks increase...so they say. They also said afterwards to use protection until the cycle is normal again. I would guess based on what I've read your body won't ovulate until the hormones are gone, but I would probably use protection anyway. I hate it, but personally, I'd be extra paranoid about 2nd mc (even though when we try again I know i'll be super paranoid to begin with) if I happened to get pregnant and the lining was the one right after the m/c. Maybe just my paranoia about letting my body get "back to normal." That's my two cents. But...don't freak out if I said anything you haven't heard. I read that its super unlikely to get any infections, the Drs use a lot of precautionary measures and words...

As far as the emotional piece, I dont know what to tell you. I was a mess last week and now I can keep it together mostly...but I really don't want to be around people...especially parents or families with young kids. It makes my chest tight and I feel angry and hopeless. Not having ever had a child, it is that much harder to imagine having a successful pregnancy. It is a whole new fear and hurt that I never could have imagined. But, we'll get through it.

 

[Cazy2]

Cazy,

I only recently had my first pregnancy and m/c, around 7 weeks. It was a blighted ovum and I was pretty lucky as it took about 10 days to go from the first bleeding to the last. I don't think I can advise you on how long it might take, but I do know my Dr told us no BDing until the bleeding stopped, as the cervix is more open and infection risks increase...so they say. They also said afterwards to use protection until the cycle is normal again. I would guess based on what I've read your body won't ovulate until the hormones are gone, but I would probably use protection anyway. I hate it, but personally, I'd be extra paranoid about 2nd mc (even though when we try again I know i'll be super paranoid to begin with) if I happened to get pregnant and the lining was the one right after the m/c. Maybe just my paranoia about letting my body get "back to normal." That's my two cents. But...don't freak out if I said anything you haven't heard. I read that its super unlikely to get any infections, the Drs use a lot of precautionary measures and words...

As far as the emotional piece, I dont know what to tell you. I was a mess last week and now I can keep it together mostly...but I really don't want to be around people...especially parents or families with young kids. It makes my chest tight and I feel angry and hopeless. Not having ever had a child, it is that much harder to imagine having a successful pregnancy. It is a whole new fear and hurt that I never could have imagined. But, we'll get through it.

Thank you for your two cents and kind words. I think protection is probably a good idea. Just hope my body gets back to normal soon. I can totally relate to the emotions, I have just started going back to my full time job but as I work with young children it makes it all the harder. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack every time I think of going into work the next day, chest gets tight, knots in my stomach, etc.
I just don't know how to break through this stage of worry and dread around being with others, going back to work like life hasn't been turned sideways for me. Then there's a certain level of shame and guilt because I know people have gone through a lot worse, some people have held their babies and known that their time was limited... or gone through all the labour for it to end in tragedy. My experience has been nothing compared to that.
I suppose I can bring a positive out of it that I can get pregnant, which was always a big question for us with a complicated medical history based around my womb... but it just brings more worry as now I am scared that I might have another one and never carry a healthy baby.
I keep thinking that I don't want to work with children anymore... but don't know if this is the hormones speaking and don't want to do anything rash to regret it later. This feeling is driving me nuts though and I know my whinging is driving everyone around me nuts too.