2 under 2 and feeling like I'm doing half @$$ job for both

[Wugz22]

I now have 20 month old and a 3 week old, and I feel like neither of them is getting the mommy they deserve. The toddler is constantly throwing tantrums because he's not getting the attention that he's used to, and poor baby girl has become content just laying in her pack n play while I try and get her brother fed/bathed/napped/changed/played with. She's the sweetest little baby and I want to just craddle her in my arms all day, but half the time I'm breastfeeding her while walking around the house to keep an eye on #1. I have an Ergo which she spends a ton of time in. And I can't do anything to make my toddler happy. I try and still get out of the house with him to parks and what not, but the second I start feeding the baby and expect him to go off down the slide on his own, he tantrums. Anybody in the same boat? Just needed to vent

 

[_Meep_]

I don't have experience of two (yet) but I do have one and that's hard enough. I frequently feel like I'm a bollocks mum, like I'm not doing enough, I'm not getting anything right and I'm just generally struggling while everyone else skips around making it look easy.

I feel so guilty for just wanting to do nothing sometimes.

But we are doing our best and that's all we can do. Our babies love us regardless and likely have no idea that we feel crap about ourselves and the job we are doing, because all they see is their mama. Yes, you can't always give the older one exactly what he wants now you have a littler one to look after, but he will get used to it. And the baby won't even notice that she's occasionally left to 'get on with it' while you do other things.

My brother was born when I was nearly three. I vaguely remember him coming home. My mother tells me I was pretty pissed off to start with, but you know what? I don't remember any of those feelings. I DO remember growing up with a sibling I could play awesome games with. I remember feeling fiercely protective of him. I remember loving him more than anybody else. I probably still do, with the exception of my daughter.

It certainly wasn't all bad.

Today has been particularly hard and I've felt like crying since I woke up. So I feel you.

 

[Becky1987]

My dd is now 11 weeks old and my dd has just about stopped throwing almighty tantrums when ever I do anything with her. I know it's hard in the beginning but it will get better. Your toddlers world has been tipped upside down but they will get used to it and forget that they were ever without the baby. My son loves his sister and they are so much better together now. Don't get me wrong my ds can still push the boundaries when I'm feeding the baby but he is so much better now. Keep going you sound like your doing a fantastic job so far. X

 

[LegoHouse]

Ahh! It will get better! The first few weeks are hard. Everyone is adjusting. Your baby and toddler won't remember these few weeks. Do what you can and be gentle on yourself. You're doing a great job!

 

[HoneyBee144]

Give it time, you're doing a great job Get through one day at a time, or one hour at a time, whatever works! I found it hard to juggle both and still do some days but I love them both unconditionally and they know that. It is getting easier now DS2 is getting bigger, they interact together and I can do things with them together. In the early days you just have to ge through but it will pay off in the long run.

 

[LegoHouse]

Mine have just turned 14 months and 3 and they are best friends now xx

 

[greats]

Dd#1 is almost 3 and dd#2 is only 16 days old, and my oldest is driving me crazy! Lol but I just keep saying "this too shall pass" and I feel a little better.

 

[zorak]

Mine are now 22 months and 8 weeks . honestly it gets easier. My toddler was not himself for weeks but has now totally gone back to his cheery happy self.

 

[CaptainMummy]

I have a 23month old and a 9.5month old, also a 4.5yr old and I always feel like this. I feel like I am constantly telling my eldest to 'wait a minute, I am doing such and such with your sister'. My 23m old is forever throwing tantrums and is very much in the terrible twos soI find myself constantly telling her off. I also seem to be forever moving ny youngest away from the other two because she just gets in amongst it all and annoys them and they complain.

I dont ever feel like I am getting it right.

 

[george83]

I'm sure your doing a great job

My kids are 4, 19 months and 4 months and I feel the same. I find I like to have everything ready all the time so that as soon as baby has had a bottle or settled down we can pretty much rush out of the door to go somewhere to entertain the older two. It is difficult but it does get easier. My middle one is also nowhere near talking so he gets angry and frustrated very easily, which just adds to the entertainment!!

 

[misspriss]

You are doing a great job. The tantrums will pass. Mine are about 26 months apart, and my son started throwing royal tantrums after my daughter was born. They probably lasted from about 2 weeks old to about 8 weeks old really bad, he still has the occasional one but it isn't the same now (she is about 10 weeks).

I feel the same way as you some, but honestly, your newborn will sleep a lot and you can spend time with your toddler while the newborn sleeps. And it is important to spend time with your newborn, but IMO if they are happy to lie in pack and play/swing/bed alone for a few minutes, you aren't doing them a disservice in any way. They do need interaction, but not as much interaction as a toddler. But the time they are awake and interact with you, they can interact with the toddler too.

You can do together things, like read books to both (not like your newborn will get it really, but it will help all of you bond). My son just started trying to read books TO my daughter, it's adorable.

 

[catty]

mine are now 13 months and 25 months and honestly it gets easier!
my two play games together and I get cleaning done and entertain each other in the morning . in the early days it was hard work! do you have anyone who could take ds one afternoon a week or a playgroup. that way you can have 1-2-1 time with baby and then another day when baby is napping you can make sure to have special time with your son. then you will know they have definately had special mummy time.
dont feel bad though your raising 2 tiny humans its chaotic

 

[calm]

I often get that feeling, well, I had it more before than now, I suppose I'm getting used to it. But I often feel guilt