39+4 and still scared something bad is going to happen

[NC23]

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and it was the absolute worse time in my life. My boyfriend and I broke up right after it happened and I was so alone feeling like I'd lost everything. Well we got back together months later and I'm pregnant again.

After losing one baby I can't see pregnancy as a guarantee, unlike most my friends who have never suffered one. I have two friends were pregnant with me and they both recently gave birth..I'm the last one to go and I'm still scared of something going wrong. I see them with their healthy babies and it makes me so anxious to give birth already and know that things won't end in tragedy for me this time. My due date is in 3 days but of course I feel I'm going to be late and this is going to drag on as long as possible. Then what if something goes wrong during the delivery? Once you feel the pain of losing a baby you realize that it can happen to you and it's not just something you read about from other people.

Also once my baby is born I'm not sure how I'm going to ever leave his side. I'm so scared about SIDS that I just want to watch him constantly and always make sure he is breathing.

I was on anxiety meds before I got pregnant and perhaps I should go back on them when this is all over. They say after 12 weeks you're in the "safe zone" but to me the safe zone does not exsist.

 

[Topanga053]

I COMPLETELY understand. Like you said, once you have a loss, you realize that it really CAN happen to you.

I was induced with DD at 39 weeks because of pre-e. I refused to put it on FB that I was going into labor because I thought that would jinx it and something bad would happen during delivery if I talked about it (as if everyone didn't know I was pregnant and due any day at that point!). It was illogical, so we didn't tell anyone other than immediate family and one or two very close friends. Our other friends were kind of upset afterwards that we hadn't toldthem!

At any rate, delivery went well and SIDS was scary as well, but DD is 17 months, so we made it past that point as well.

My advice is just to take it day by day, enjoy it as much as you can (PPD, if you get it, can be a bitch and really aggravate the anxiety... please don't be afraid to get help), and practice good self-care. The early days are hard. Even without PPD, it's harder to control your emotions when you're operating on no sleep.

You WILL get through it and the anxiety WILL lessen, I promise. In the meantime, try your best to enjoy eveything as much as you can and forgive yourself for the rest.

 

[eme]

Ive had 3 mc's and after the 3rd last year I had an "ah ha" moment! It dawned on me "welcome to motherhood!" From the moment we see two lines on those tests until the day we die, that worry is ammother's heart you worry they'll be picked on in school, worry they get their heart broken...or break a bone, or get sick, or become distant from you etc. There's nothing wrong with how you feel because that's just a mother's love. Yes, woman who've had mc's have the memory of the pain it causes...but that worry....the worry is just from how much you love your little one. So take a big deep breath, let it out slowly, rub your belly and know that ALL mothers worry. It might just be about different things or show in different ways, but you my dear simply have a case of motherhood * dont say any of that to diminish what you feel, just wanted to encourage you that you aren't alone in your worry

 

[NC23]

I COMPLETELY understand. Like you said, once you have a loss, you realize that it really CAN happen to you.

I was induced with DD at 39 weeks because of pre-e. I refused to put it on FB that I was going into labor because I thought that would jinx it and something bad would happen during delivery if I talked about it (as if everyone didn't know I was pregnant and due any day at that point!). It was illogical, so we didn't tell anyone other than immediate family and one or two very close friends. Our other friends were kind of upset afterwards that we hadn't toldthem!

Funny you say that because I didn't tell ANYBODY when I found out I was pregnant. At first I was going to wait until 12 weeks, then I was going to wait until I knew boy or girl....and of course I told people little by little as it came up but I never made some huge announcement. Anybody who didn't see me on a daily basis at work or isn't family just never got the memo. Everybody else either found out from somebody else who knows or they just aren't important enough in my life.

 

[flou]

I know exactly how you feel as that is exactly how I felt a few months ago when I was pg with my DS. I had 2 losses before getting pg with DS. And having experienced the fact that pregnancy doesn't always end well doesn't help with the worry. And now I have my little man I still worry about lots of different things and I probably always will. But I do because I am his mummy. I just try to take each day as it comes and try to tell myself that I can't control everything and my little man is happy and that's all that's important.

 

[Bug222]

I completely understand. My lo will be here in 4 days (repeat c-section).... But i am still struggling with this fear that im not going to actually be able to take this one home.