3rd baby - 16 week midwife appointment

[Lissa3120]

It's totally possible that my expectations were unrealistic and out dated.
I have a 7 year old and a 5 year old so my last 16 week midwife appointment was over 6 years ago.

I had my 16 week appointment today, at a different doctors surgery with a new midwife, my doctor's surgery's midwife is off sick and they don't know for how long or when she'll be back. So I had to chase a few numbers and get hold of the community midwife team and make this appointment.
This is my 3rd baby so I'm aware that I'll be having minimal midwife appointments and generally I'm okay with that, but today I was expecting to hear the heartbeat and have conversations on how I'm feeling, movements, any concerns etc etc
I was there less than 5 minutes.
At my booking appointment the midwife HAD to write down that I suffered with postnatal depression after my children... I'm well now and in a really good place and I'm very prepared and aware that my mental health can be compromised after the baby or even before, but I was a single teenager the last 2 times I was pregnant, hardly the life I live now, I feel like a stranger to the girl that I was then.
Today the midwife did my blood pressure, and gave me the whooping cough vaccine and a leaflet for kicks count... I appreciate that she is busy and has her own surgery patients to deal with and it was kind of her to see me. I just feel a bit abandoned, it's my 3rd baby yes, but I still have questions and concerns, I'm a bit scared. I haven't felt any movements yet when by this point with my previous 2 pregnancies I had, I don't look pregnant, I don't even feel pregnant... It was made out to be such a big deal that I suffered PND, and she insisted it was only recorded so frequently in the green book so they could keep an eye on me, and I accept that it's part of their job, but it was written on every page and then today the midwife didn't even ask about how things were going.
I hear some people say that at every midwife appointment they are asked intrusive questions, how their relationship is going, domestic abuse etc
I was asked nothing, I'm not due to see a midwife again until 28 weeks.
I'm honestly wondering if there is even a point, I'd book one for when I'm 36 weeks to check baby is head down. Obviously I know that this is my emotions talking currently and that isn't a good way forward and I will definitely make and attend the 28 week appointment but I feel so let down that given my surgery doesn't have a midwife at this point, I don't know what to expect at each appointment other than to not see the same midwife throughout my pregnancy...
I know the other midwives must now be picking up all those extra patients and their books and time and resources must be bursting at the seams, and I really don't mean to sound so insensitive I am so very aware of how demanding and stressful their jobs must be... But I just thought they might at least make more of a point to have the conversation with me about what my appointments might involve seeing as I won't have a regular midwife I just thought they might involve me in my own care a little more so that I could be in control of it as it wouldn't be easy or necessarily possible for them to have a primary person to control it for me. Control is the wrong word I'm sounding like a control freak, but I can't think of a better word for a moment.

I'm so upset, I'm sorry for the paragraph and I'm aware I'm probably just being over sensitive and my expectations are out dated and unreasonable. I just wanted to know if anyone else did or didn't hear the heartbeat at 16 weeks? Especially on 3rd babies...

What conversations were had at 16 weeks with the midwife?

Shouldn't I be feeling movements by now with my 3rd?

 

[twinkie2]

I'm in the US so not a lot of help, especially as I don't personally use a midwife, but an OB. My last appt at 16 weeks was crazy fast though, but it did include a hb check with a doppler. But I go in again at 20, 24, 28 weeks etc. In regards to movement though, at 16 weeks I honestly hadn't felt much movement at all yet. I know I was feeling little twinges, but I wasn't truly sure that was baby and not just trapped air! Sorry you had a bad experience though, everything is hard when pregnant!

 

[Lissa3120]

Thank you for your reply!
I feel more at ease to hear that you weren't too certain on movements at 16 weeks also!
I think if I still haven't felt anything over the next couple of weeks and need the assurance of the heartbeat I'll just have to ring up and ask, otherwise I'm able to wait it out I'm sure.

Thank you for your reply it's really helped me

 

[IchigoMewMew]

I think they have recently stopped using the doppler at 16 weeks because it's still very hard to find the hb at that size. I've only had one baby but I would only feel her at 16 weeks if I'd had something very cold or spicy. Do you know where your placenta is? I also was only asked the "intrusive" questions at my booking appointment not at every one

 

[kewpie]

Hey, sorry to hear your midwife experience hasn't been going so well this time round. This is my first pregnancy and I am seeing an OB practice, so I know my experience is different...but even with a private OB I have been surprised at the brevity of some of my appointments so far! They only started weighing me just before 22 weeks, and took forever to listen to the heartbeat - not til 18 weeks I think? I also didn't feel any real movement until after 20 weeks - I was told at both my 12wk and 20wk scans that I have an anterior placenta. I know it's possible to feel a second or third baby's movements earlier than you would with your first baby, but 16 weeks does seem early? Just hoping to reassure you!

I hope your usual midwife is able to return soon and that you can return to some level of routine. Maybe you could chat with the GP to just say you noticed they're asking a lot less at these appointments and see what they say?

 

[LoraLoo]

Ive never been asked intrusive questions. Honestly, i feel like after your first baby they just assume you know the score and that if you have any issues you'll raise them. They checked my babies hb at 16 weeks- in fact i even got a sneaky scan but i was consultant led, but i dont think its standard procedure anymore, which i dont agree with.
Regarding movement, baby is still quite small and has lots if room to move around so its not uncommon to feel any movement yet, fingers crossed you will soon 😊

 

[Lissa3120]

Thank you all for your replies I am feeling so much better from reading them!
It makes sense that they may have dropped the heartbeat at 16 weeks, so I'm far less upset that it appears to be the case.
Yes it is still very early to be feeling movements, I think I need to slow down and enjoy it before I get big and the movements are painful!
Thank you all so much!! Xx

 

[Bonnie11]

Yes they don't check the heartbeat till 23+ weeks now. It's used to worry people when they couldn't hear it at the earlier appts. This time around I didn't feel movement till 20+ weeks and I'm sure it was earlier last time! To be honest my 16 week appt was very similar! Few basic questions and I was on my way, so don't feel it was personal to you. I think they just assume you know what you're doing and if you're fit and healthy and aren't showing any signs of depression/telling them you are feeling ok I think you're just left to get on with it after your first baby! I'm sure if you had specific concerns you could make an extra appt to see them if gohwanted to address anything in particular xx

 

[Bonnie11]

Also we
Don't have regular midwives here as a matter of course, there is a bank of about 5-7 that work in a midwife centre that you get booked in with but you wouldn't see the same one unless you requested to, I didn't realise people had a regular midwife! X

 

[loves_cookies]

I had my 16 week appointment last week. Essentially it's just a urine and BP check now. I was in there longer because I'm pregnant after not long having had a molar pregnancy and i'm suffering high anxiety with this pregnancy. The midwife did offer to listen in for me to try and reassure men but she did state it's no longer standard procedure and if she couldn't find it then she wouldn't be able to refer me for a scan so it could end up being anything but reassuring so I opted not to. I don't know if I'm feeling movements yet, I'm feeling something but it's not strong enough to determine if it's definitely baby.

 

[Lissa3120]

Thank you ladies! It's made me feel much better knowing it's not the done thing now!
Feeling much much better reading these replies! Thank you!! Xx

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Very different from where we are. In Canada, that sounds like an OB Appt. In and out. Except you wait 45 mins in the waiting room.

I'm with a midwife for my 3rd baby, I've had an 8 and 12 week Appt, they were both 45 mins and very detailed and heard the hb at the 12 week Appt. It's such a lovely experience vs the ob. I'm sorry yours sucked so much!!

 

[Avonleigh]

I had my 16 week appt last monday and we were in and out, all she did was check my urine,blood pressure and thankfully we listened to the babys heartbeat.

 

[Riveted Rosie]

I'm glad I came across this post; I have just come from my 16 week mw appt and it was a non success on the HB front.

She did caution me that it can be tricky and I knew it would be anyway as I am BMI 35 and have an anterior placenta.

This is baby number 4 for me, and I *still* can't tell if I have felt movement!

I have a gender scan booked in 2 days so I knew I could reassure myself with that!

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Rosie, third baby here, 17 weeks, still have only felt this little bean once or twice, and I'm skinny as a stick!! I'm putting it down to a chill baby The hb is definitely reassuring but I still have no idea what's going on in there!

Glad for you that you have your scan so soon though, that will be so reassuring for you!

 

[Riveted Rosie]

Funny enough, my best friend who is an obstetrician told me she had a mama referred to her at 19 weeks due to tricky heartbeat location and this mama was slim too. My friend says she won’t test before 20 weeks unless she knows she can hop on and do an ultrasound after!