3rd time's the charm? I'm terrified!

[heart tree]

Hi ladies,

I just got my BFP today and am terrified! I recognize so many of your names from the TTCAL forum. I just wanted to say hello.

I've had 2 mcs, both around Christmas/New Years. This one has started off differently. No symptoms until 15dpo. Usually they come much earlier. It's also a different time of year. Usually I get pregnant in the fall. Today would be my grandmother's 104th birthday. I'm getting superstitious and hoping these are all good signs.

I look forward to sharing our journeys together.

Has anyone figured out how to stop feeling so scared? Any advice is welcome!

xoxo

 

[kafs78]

OMG - Heattree thats is great news... i also found out a few days ago and im SHITTING myself ( excuse the language!)

But i have decided:

I could either, be a bag of nerves, treading on eggshells everyday and runnign to the toilet to see if i am bleeding etc ......
OR

I could just go with the flow... njoi having my wee "im pregnant" secret, and look forward to each scan etc
Im going with the latter........... wanna join me?

 

[heart tree]

Kafs, I LOVE you for responding so quickly and with such lovely advice. I'm totally going to join you in going with the flow. (Just give me a day or two to freak out first, LOL!)

I have to remember that sadly, 2 mcs is very common and many women go on to have healthy babies! We're getting our bubs this time Kafs!

Any other ladies have any advice on how to stop feeling so scared?? I'll take all the advice I can get!

 

[kafs78]

im that scared ive not made a doc app yet.. going to go away on my holidays and then see my doctor after it.

Im going to ask if i can get my bloods done weekly, so that i can be sure things are going in the right direction.

have a few days freak out and then start to just relax and go with it. Yoru body's obviously ready to have a baby this time.............XX

 

[Mizze]

Third time lucky (so far) for me.

Im currently far beyond what I managed in my previous two pregnancies and I am JUST, JUST starting to believe it might happen.

Kafs is right you can spend the next 3 months (and beyond) terrified or you can try (and I dont pretend for a moment its easy - I still check my knickers everytime I pee ) and relax and not stress out about it or about every little twinge or ache. After all the stress does nothing, nothing to help you or the baby, and it does nothing to make it better if the worst happens. You cant change the outcome of the pregnancy, you cant jinx it by doing something wrong and you cant prevent it by worrying about it if the worst happens. The only thing you can do is to get as PMA as you can and take care of yourself as much as posible. Taking care of yourself is important.

If you can get an early scan - its terribly reassuring and helped me relax a lot. Dont get a doppler before 2nd tri as you will frighten yourself silly if you cant find a HB.

Hope that helps sorry reading it again makes it sound a bit harsh but ive seen so many threads on first tri about women (usually oddly enough those who havent previously mc'd) terrified of mc'ing for no reason and causing themselves huge amounts of stress which is NEVER a good idea.

Finally - Congratulations to both of you on your BFP's!! and enjoy the first tri boards and beyond.

Mizze xx

 

[heart tree]

im that scared ive not made a doc app yet.. going to go away on my holidays and then see my doctor after it.

Im going to ask if i can get my bloods done weekly, so that i can be sure things are going in the right direction.

have a few days freak out and then start to just relax and go with it. Yoru body's obviously ready to have a baby this time.............XX

Kafs, I already emailed my doctor (and I haven't even told DH yet as he is still sleeping!) I think it is a good idea to get bloods done. I've already asked for that and an early scan. I'm going on holiday in a month and am scared to be away from my doctor. But you are right, relaxing is the best way to go.

 

[hb1]

I have found having little goals helped me - my big one was 7 weeks as that's when I mc before - had an early scan at 6+5 then a private one at 8+4 and both time saw the hb so that has helped - now it's my 12 week scan at 12+5 - scared but hopeful ( touch wood etc etc etc!! )

Congrats on your BFP have my fxd that you're spending Christmas with a nicely developing bump

hx

hx

 

[heart tree]

Third time lucky (so far) for me.

Im currently far beyond what I managed in my previous two pregnancies and I am JUST, JUST starting to believe it might happen.

Kafs is right you can spend the next 3 months (and beyond) terrified or you can try (and I dont pretend for a moment its easy - I still check my knickers everytime I pee ) and relax and not stress out about it or about every little twinge or ache. After all the stress does nothing, nothing to help you or the baby, and it does nothing to make it better if the worst happens. You cant change the outcome of the pregnancy, you cant jinx it by doing something wrong and you cant prevent it by worrying about it if the worst happens. The only thing you can do is to get as PMA as you can and take care of yourself as much as posible. Taking care of yourself is important.

If you can get an early scan - its terribly reassuring and helped me relax a lot. Dont get a doppler before 2nd tri as you will frighten yourself silly if you cant find a HB.

Hope that helps sorry reading it again makes it sound a bit harsh but ive seen so many threads on first tri about women (usually oddly enough those who havent previously mc'd) terrified of mc'ing for no reason and causing themselves huge amounts of stress which is NEVER a good idea.

Finally - Congratulations to both of you on your BFP's!! and enjoy the first tri boards and beyond.

Mizze xx

Wow Mizze, that is great advice, THANK YOU! It doesn't sound harsh at all. I completely understand what you mean. I tend not to go to the forums with women who haven't had a loss because it is just such a different thing once you've had one (or 2 or more).

As I just wrote to Kasf, I already emailed my doctor and I'm sure she'll do an early scan for me. She did one last time too. Since this is now my 3rd pregnancy, I'm 35 and I've never had a baby, she's really great about working closely with me.

I'm a big proponent of self care and I plan to do lots of it with this pregnancy. I'm going to start doing yoga again. I'm really going to try to reduce my stress. And you are so right. Worrying doesn't change the outcome. Anxiety doesn't serve me or my baby in any way.

I've never made it to 14 weeks, I'm so happy for you! Thanks again for your sound advice!

xoxo

 

[heart tree]

I have found having little goals helped me - my big one was 7 weeks as that's when I mc before - had an early scan at 6+5 then a private one at 8+4 and both time saw the hb so that has helped - now it's my 12 week scan at 12+5 - scared but hopeful ( touch wood etc etc etc!! )

Congrats on your BFP have my fxd that you're spending Christmas with a nicely developing bump

hx

hx

Thanks hb1. The longest I've made it is 10+6. That will definitely be a milestone for me! I'm so happy to hear you've gotten through 2 scans already. I can't wait to hear about your 12 week scan!!!

 

[Mizze]

Wow Mizze, that is great advice, THANK YOU! It doesn't sound harsh at all. I completely understand what you mean. I tend not to go to the forums with women who haven't had a loss because it is just such a different thing once you've had one (or 2 or more).

As I just wrote to Kasf, I already emailed my doctor and I'm sure she'll do an early scan for me. She did one last time too. Since this is now my 3rd pregnancy, I'm 35 and I've never had a baby, she's really great about working closely with me.

I'm a big proponent of self care and I plan to do lots of it with this pregnancy. I'm going to start doing yoga again. I'm really going to try to reduce my stress. And you are so right. Worrying doesn't change the outcome. Anxiety doesn't serve me or my baby in any way.

I've never made it to 14 weeks, I'm so happy for you! Thanks again for your sound advice!

xoxo

I will be 38 when bubs is born and this will be my first child (fingers crossed - see I still cant speak about getting to birth stage without qualifying it!)

Yoga is a brilliant idea - I was doing it before but have felt so awful in the 1st tri (constant nausea, gagging and exhaustion) that I had to stop. There is a pregnancy yoga class around here that I need to investigate as I want to start it again now im feeling a bit better.

The other forums can be useful (I couldnt read any about mc and I had to stop reading the ones where women had convinced themselves for no reason at all that they had had mmc's because I was starting to get VERY cross) but generally if found they can be reasurring. Certainly I didnt get freaked out about aches and pains I was experiencing because I was aware they were stretching pains. And in second tri im aware of different aches and pains I will get (PMA) as the baby gets bigger and the uterus moves up and out. That is quite good for my stress levels. But I do understand what you mean - Sometimes the confidence of those who havent had losses is breathtaking. But then again, for them, why not.

Early scans are great. Im sure your Dr will take great care of you.

I didnt make it past 6 weeks on the previous pregnancies although we didnt know until 9 and 11 weeks so to get a scan at 8 then 12 then 13 (private downs one) weeks was great. I take my scan pictures everywhere.

Good luck to you and to Kafs.


Mizze xx

 

[KatyKat]

That's amazing news heart tree!!!!!!

I'm also on my 3rd pregnancy after two losses, so I know exactly where you're coming from.

As far as the worrying thing goes, I'll be honest - you will worry, and it will be normal for you to do so! However, I promise you it does get better as you get further on. All the little twinges/pains that make you panic in the first few weeks stop being so scary a few weeks further down the line. And, get this, there is actually a point where you realise you've forgotten to check your knickers for blood or any other sign of something going wrong!!!!!!!!!

I'm not saying you stop worrying at all, but you will get more relaxed about it the further along you go, so ennjoy the bits you can, and just accept that the scary times/constant worrying in the early weeks are what they are.

Fingers crossed this is your third time lucky

 

[kafs78]

Im going to set a small target.. of getting by 9wks...
Then i will just relax and wait for 12wks. At this stage you will start to feel the baby move, so that alone in re-assurance!!

Lets keep in touch ladies.....be stressed 2gether XXX

 

[Smudgelicious]

CONGRATULATIONS !!!!!!!!

I just logged on very quickly (away on holidays) and saw your message! I'm so happy for you. There's a thread here 'Cautiously here' that may help with the nerves. None of us past the first trimester yet, but we're plugging along, supporting eac other and definitely do undrstand the worries. As Mizze said, worrying or not won't change the outcome. So head down, bum up and just keep going !

Hope all this makes sense, I'm frantically tapping at my iPhone before I lose the signal again ! Welcome to the board!

 

[KitKatBit]

Congratulations guys!!! Welcome to PAL!!

It IS stressful at times, no matter how much you tell yourself there's no use worrying and it's not beneficial....but, there are also times when it feels less precarious and more exciting again

I've looked towards various milestones, rather than having a long 12ww stretching ahead of me - 6 weeks, 8 weeks (end of previous mc time), first scan, etc, and talked lots and lots to my fellow Cautious Club members (as Smudge mentioned above). We've all gone through various scary times (spotting, pains, loss of symptoms etc) but we've all come out the other side with successful scans, hcG levels, or a return of symptoms and helped each other through in the mean time.

I hope you can enjoy some of it and find support here the other times. Here's to a happy and healthy first tri for you and all of us!!

 

[Starry Night]

Please forgive the intrusion, ladies, but I have to say I'm so happy to see you in here! You've been so helpful with advise to the rest of us TTCAL ladies and I'm glad you got your BFP.

Congrats and good luck!

Also, thanks to everyone else for their advise. I'll hold onto it for when my time comes again.

 

[heart tree]

Mizze, I am loving that you are 38! It helps me to know how far along you are. You give me hope!

Katy, I appreciate your honesty. Your words are very fitting and from the heart. I will look forward to the day that I’m not running to check for blood every day and that I actually forget about it! You have eased my nerves too. Knowing it gets better gives me something to look forward to.

Kafs, let’s definitely all stay in touch. I like the idea of a target!

Smudge, thanks! I will check out the cautious thread. I’m quite sure I’ll need it. I’m super excited to be joining you!

KitKat, you make a lot of sense. I will look towards my milestones. And I know I’ll stress at times too. But I’m going to try my best to keep it in perspective.

Starry, thank you for your very kind words. I’m still around to be supportive to everyone else! I’m always here for you.

Well, I feel very welcomed in this forum indeed. Thank you all so much. I’m so excited for each of us.

xoxo

 

[Mizze]

Heart Tree - if you do venture into 1st tri you will see ladies on there in their 40's! Not many but they are there and they are doing well so far

Kafs - a note of caution about feeling the baby at 12 weeks - im learning in 2nd tri that it can be weeks after that so dont stress if you cant at 12 weeks. Im finally able to feel my uterus now which makes me happy! But it could another couple of weeks before I feel the baby - im impatient but not worried.

Take care all.

Mizze xx

 

[Jem88]

This is also my 3rd preg, 1st was mc at 9 weeks, but i didn't really have sickness or symptoms and 2nd was a chemcial, so this time i was really nervous as if it was gonna be another chemical, but once i got to 6 weeks i felt better and then 6+3 the sickness started and since then it's never stopped so at the mo i'm not worrying and i'm just taking each day and week as it comes, but obv when i get to 9 weeks i'll be alot better. hopefully it's gonna be 3rd time lucky for us both

 

[fluffyblue]

Hi heart so great to see you here at last, fingers crossed for sticky beans.

Im doing great got to 10w 1d with a perfect scan this morning so hope for the golden oldies yet xxx

 

[Rainbowpea]

hi heart tree congrats on your bfp! I'm not sure I can give much advice on not panicking as I'm stressing a fair bit! i think it is normal to worry and i'm just trying to rest as much as i can and take my mind off it. deffo going for an early scan too, but hoping to wait until 8 weeks so fingers crossed will see heartbeat. last time had mmc so scan showed no heartbeat so the scan itself is stressful and full of bad memories for me

sounds like you have a plan with yoga too, and glad things feel different this time - that's good news! xx