4 year old starting to back talk, advice please.

[cuddlebugluv]

Usually my Dd is sassy, but that sassiness was more of her being playful and exploring boundaries. Lately it's evolved into back talks and mimicry of peppa pig's "yuck" and essentially morphing into being bossy and thinking she IS the boss of me. So far I shake my finger at her and nip it in the bud, but she just comes back and tells me " not to do that again"

Is this normal for a 4yo? I can't decide if she is just exploring boundaries on another level, or if this is the early start of us butting heads. How would you handle a little one exhibiting these sorts of actions?

 

[nic18]

My 4year old son is the exact same just now, every telling off I get 'don't tell me what to do' or he sticks his tongue out or makes faces at me. I've spoken to a few other mums at his nursery and as far as I am aware it is normal behaviour for their age. I have taken a different approach to now telling him I will not be speaking to him until he behaves himself and/or apologises can sometimes take him 10-15mins to realise I am being serious but we are getting there slowly but surely

 

[cuddlebugluv]

I'm happy to hear that this is normal, and from some friends advice I have also tried restructuring how I go about my answers to her. Versus a firm tone I tell her I hear what she is saying, but it's still not ok for reasons xyz. so far she seems to have eased up, and maybe she just wanted to feel heard rather than talked at.

 

[Quartz]

I think its the age where they need to be given some control over themselves (allowed within reason to make choices concerning themselves eh what t shirt to wear what sandwich to have) and learn independence whilst understanding that you (or the teacher) is in charge and sets the boundaries and scope of their independence and control

 

[noon_child]

When my child started being bossy to me, it made me realise just how much bossing around I did of her and how I picked at and criticised a lot of things I should really let go. She had learned from me that this is how we talk to each other and rather than empathise that we are all human we should expect perfection! I was horrified.

I find the "When you.................It makes me feel................I need you to................otherwise (x) thing will happen" is really useful with kids, teens adults - anyone! If you can model it she will start using it too and then you'll have a child who can be assertive without the back chat and attitude.

It's not a magic cure and kids go through phases (tiredness and fatigue often bring out a completely different monsters child in our house!) but it allows you to feedback about behaviour (not criticise the person), teach empathy, set expectations and hold others to account.