40 TTC After a 2nd Tri Loss, Need Some Encouragment (Venting)

[sunkiss]

Hello ladies,

I have been feeling so down lately because i do not know if i will get pregnant again. My last pregnancy at 39 was my first. I didn't plan her as i didn't know i could even get pregnant. All my life i wanted to be a mommie but it just never happened for me so in time i put it out of my head and carried on with life. Then last yr i had weight loss surgery and lost a lot of weight. For the first time in my adult life i had a normal BMI, then bam i got pregnant after all these yrs. I was so incredibly happy throughout my whole pregnancy, everyday when i woke up i had to pinch myself because i couldn't believe i was finally gonna be a mommy. Then the worst thing ever happened n i lost my baby because my water broke too early and there was no way to save her. Was the worst experience of my entire life and 2 mths later the pain is still very real every day. My womb n insides feels so empty, all i think about day and night is to be pregnant. I began trying again last cycle but the cycle was all over the place and wasnt really normal. My OB said this is very common after a loss and sometimes the body needs time to get the hormones back in order. I ov without any issues and i have a period every mth, although when i was younger this was a problem, my periods were very irregular. The weight loss may have been the answer to my fertility issues. I am just praying that God will bless me again this cycle because i cannot continue to go through this every mth. I need to be preggo with my rainbow baby before my due date which would have been 3/1/12. I am paying close attn now to my cycle by charting n opk so i can pinpoint it. I have an appt with a maternal fetal specialist the 29th of this mth for testing because i lost my baby in 2nd tri unexplained. Hopefully I will be preggo before that appt even comes. This is my 2nd cycle since my loss and i am praying it is normal n i do not have mid cycle spotting as i did this last one. I spotted from 2dpo right through til AF came again.

Is there anyone who has been through something similar and had a rainbow baby? I would love to hear about it. Even if u ladies want to vent here, that would be kewl too. We could all encourage each other, share tips, become buddies, be a shoulder and hopefully share christmas n new yrs !! Feel free to vent ladies, i would love to hear from u

 

[sarahincanada]

omg you poor thing, what a terrible thing to go through. I have a friend on here who lost her boy at 24 weeks due to an incompetant cervix and she just gave birth to a healthy baby boy. she had a stitch placed in her cervix for the 2nd pregnancy.

although I know you want to be pregnant asap I would suggest to try and not put any time limits on yourself as you are setting yourself up for more upset. The due date will be hard if you are pregnant or not, and you will feel worse if you are not pregnant by that time so try not to do that. Unfortunately at our age it does take some time to get pregnant so you might have to be patient. Your forever baby is going to come when he/she is ready.

I have never had a BFP and just been through IVF and still a BFN. Some days I feel really sorry for myself and others I hold on to the hope that my baby is just not ready yet.

good luck, hope you get your bfp very soon

 

[sunkiss]

thank u sarah and u are right, i shouldnt set myself up for disappointment if it doesnt happen, i can only hope n pray it happens sooner than later. im digging deep to stay hopeful and then God will see that i am ready again, best wishes to u also, i hope we all get our BFP really soon

 

[readyformore]

sunkiss. I am so sorry for your loss.

Although I haven't personally been in your situation, I know of MANY women that have lost 2nd and 3rd trimester babies, and they have gone on to have healthy term pregnancies after that.

I'm hoping for the best for you.

 

[sarahincanada]

thank u sarah and u are right, i shouldnt set myself up for disappointment if it doesnt happen, i can only hope n pray it happens sooner than later. im digging deep to stay hopeful and then God will see that i am ready again, best wishes to u also, i hope we all get our BFP really soon

can you go talk to someone about your loss, I went to a therapist after my dad died...took me 5 years to finally go see someone as I still wasnt dealing with it well. I found it really therapautic to talk to someone.

 

[readyformore]

thank u sarah and u are right, i shouldnt set myself up for disappointment if it doesnt happen, i can only hope n pray it happens sooner than later. im digging deep to stay hopeful and then God will see that i am ready again, best wishes to u also, i hope we all get our BFP really soon

can you go talk to someone about your loss, I went to a therapist after my dad died...took me 5 years to finally go see someone as I still wasnt dealing with it well. I found it really therapautic to talk to someone.

Good idea Sarah. Our hospital also has a support group for losses. They meet once a month and have several special events during the year. The women really seem to benefit from it.

 

[sunkiss]

thank u sarah and u are right, i shouldnt set myself up for disappointment if it doesnt happen, i can only hope n pray it happens sooner than later. im digging deep to stay hopeful and then God will see that i am ready again, best wishes to u also, i hope we all get our BFP really soon

can you go talk to someone about your loss, I went to a therapist after my dad died...took me 5 years to finally go see someone as I still wasnt dealing with it well. I found it really therapautic to talk to someone.

Good idea Sarah. Our hospital also has a support group for losses. They meet once a month and have several special events during the year. The women really seem to benefit from it.

Thank u ladies, i do go to the support group in my hospital once a mth with other mommies who lost their babies and it is very helpful. I also vlog on yt and have ppl i talk to about it but i hate to always bring ppl down with my worries yanno. Most times i just carry on business as usual n find different things to do so i dont focus on the lost and other times it just really hurts alot. I can deal with the loss now but what bothers me so much right now is not knowing if i will conceive again. Even if it happens six mths from now, just knowing that it will happen would put me at ease so much. Hopefully the maternal fetal dr i will see later this mth will have alot of great answers for me!!

 

[sarahincanada]

Even if it happens six mths from now, just knowing that it will happen would put me at ease so much.

I think we all feel that way. I have 8 frozen blastocysts so will be doing frozen embryo transfers starting in the new year. but I still have fears thinking what if none of them work. it would be great if we could know when its going to happen. until then we can only support eachother through the insanity

 

[sunkiss]

Even if it happens six mths from now, just knowing that it will happen would put me at ease so much.

I think we all feel that way. I have 8 frozen blastocysts so will be doing frozen embryo transfers starting in the new year. but I still have fears thinking what if none of them work. it would be great if we could know when its going to happen. until then we can only support eachother through the insanity

so true sarah, all we want is to be mommies ...my cousin is in the beginning stages of ivf and its driving her crazy too, she has also been a great support and my best friend, we both are praying for 2012 babies, hopefully this will be all of our yr to celebrate

 

[sukisam]

Hi sunkiss

So sorry for your loss of baby Olivia I too lost my first daughter Emily she was born sleeping at 24 weeks and I went on to have 2 more children who are now 9 + 11 so there's always hope.

My problem wasn't discovered till i had a c-section with my second daughter and they saw I had a heart shaped uterus so the baby's were getting squashed and causing my uterus to contract.

I was lucky enough to get pregnant again very quickly because I did really want another baby too. I do remember that awful empty belly feeling I'm glad you're going to a support group cos you really need lots of support.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this hunny cos it's a tough road but it does get easier i promise. Have you been on the Stillborm and neonatal loss section because there are some amazing ladies there. I'm here most days so always happy to "talk"

Take care
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[sunkiss]

thank u so much sukiasm for sharing ur story with me, it does give me some hope that i have a chance to conceive and go on to have a healthy baby!! i am so sorry for the loss of ur princess emily ...i did visit that section but never did post there, there are some very lovely ladies there as well, and i plan to visit again. thank u for offering ur support to me