42 and pregnant for the third time and terrified!

[OldMom42]

Hi everyone! It's great to join a forum where we can share ideas! I am a 42 year old mom of two, the eldest is 22 and the youngest is 10. I have been blessed to have 'one of each' (boy and girl) and yes...huge age gaps. When I fell pregnant with my daughter, the 10 year old, my hubby and I decided 'that was it - no more'. Well, clearly the Good Lord above had other plans! Hubby and I went away at the end of November for a romantic week end away, to a friend's wedding in South Africa. Uh oh! My friends here in Botswana said to me "Oi...don't come back pregnant" and I responded "No way...factory long closed". We went away for the Christmas holidays and on Boxing Day I began to feel decidedly awful. I had missed my period, my breasts were sore, I was cranky, I was uncomfortable, I was in pain, I was nauseous, etc etc. Well, you all know what I mean! I endured this nightmare for a week and eventually ended up in the emergency room on New Year's Eve. Did the urine sample thing and hey presto! Pregnant! I smacked my husband...ha ha ha! (wink) The doctors at the clinic were fantastic and took blood and told me I was between 6 and 8 weeks. Six weeks made more sense as that was when THE weekend away happened. My first reaction was: oh my gosh! HOW are we going to do this? I am TOO old! I have my family already! Now that I've got used to the idea I am excited and privileged to be a Mommy again. However, I have some concerns:
- I am seeing my own gynae on 02 Feb and he is going to be prodding and poking me and running all kinds of blood tests because of my age (I obviously never had that with the other two) as well as genetic testing etc. I am so nervous! Please keep me in your prayers. I am trying to be as positive as possible but...eeek!
- We have only told a few people and my brother in law (hubby's brother) was EXTREMELY mean and negative and started throwing all the bad things at me like: 'You're setting yourself up for trauma you know' and 'what if it's a special needs child' etc etc. That threw me completely and I spent days in tears. My feeling at the end of the day is that hubby and I are in a happy, stable marriage and we are committed to loving and nurturing any and all of our children equally. At the end of the day, it's our decision and if we are prepared to go the distance, then others should respect that. I mean, we're not asking HIM to get up and feed and change every night, are we?!
- I am terrified of what people, especially my mother, are going to say when we break the news eventually (we've decided only to tell everyone after the results of the tests). I KNOW people are going to throw my age, and the age of my hubby (50) at us and complain about our huge age gaps, but you know, I do not believe in questioning what we have been blessed with. As I said to my hubby: 'Who knows...this child could be the one to discover a cure for cancer eventually (for example)!' I firmly believe everyone deserves a chance and I am going to do my level best to be a healthy, happy, positive Mommy.

If anyone else out there has had any negative reactions or thoughts or fears or anything I'd be so pleased to chat.

With love to everyone all the way from Africa!

Old Mom of 42!

 

[whattoexpect]

Congratulations!! I love your attitude, it's so refreshing. Yes maybe you weren't planning for it but you are correct, every child is a blessing and there is a reason that you have been given this blessing.
Every one has an opinion on everything, hopefully their negativity doesn't get you too down. I wish the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy to you!

 

[J22]

Hi. I just wanted to congratulate you and your husband! You have a great attitude so who cares what anyone else thinks? So many women nowadays are having babies later on in life (I´ll be 41 when I have this baby, having had my first at 39). That was so very unsensitive of your husbands brother to say those awful things - I´d be straight with him from the start so hw keeps his opinions to himself.
I´m in Spain so don´t know how they do things there but to be honest other than checking blood sugar every tri instead of only first tri, I´ve not had any different tests here. Of course I worry about the triple test results due to my age but I´d have them done regardless of age and would worry all the same.
Chin up mama, you´re a mum to 2 kids already...you can take on the world! x

 

[myra]

Congratulations!! 42 isn't too old at al. I conceived this baby #2 just after my 41st birthday. I had my son when I was 39.

Age is far from a deciding factor when it comes to pregnancy challenges. I had a lot more problems in pregnancy with my son than I do in this pregnancy (so far, so good). So it's more chance that we had so many problems the first time around. As for stats on potential problems in children of older moms, yes the percent goes up a bit but it still is very low. At 42 you have a much greater chance of everything turning out just fine than of anything going wrong. I'm sorry that you've gotten such a negative response so far but hope it's gets better as you tell more people. And either way, continue to have faith that this little one was meant to come in to your life now. Best of luck!

 

[pansorie]

Pish posh, people are too negative with us over 35 moms. And if you read the internet one would swear it is a death sentence getting pregnant over 35. I am 36, I just finished the last round of my genetic testing (Anatomy Scan, blood work) and everything came back awesome. I sum up peoples' negativity on their own ignorance. As my husband loves to remind me: "The odds of you having a healthy baby are in YOUR favor".

And yes, I can attest to those vacation pregnancies. Hubby and I went on a month long trip to Europe and before I left the girls at work said 'you're going to come back pregnant." And they were most certainly right!

 

[CathiiNoo]

Hey hun! Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! All babies are a miracle and your brother in law was out of line to say those nasty things.

I'm from South Africa btw. Did you enjoy it here? Where about were you?

XXX

 

[OldMom42]

Wow, wow and wow again! A very big thank you to all of you for taking time to respond and share your positive thoughts with me and for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. You all put an instant big grin on my face. See..us Mums CAN achieve anything if we stick together! All the best with your babies and let's keep on sharing the love and uplifting thoughts. Thanks again! Ps: we were on Cape Town. ..We love it there! We try and visit as often as possible! Xxxx

 

[CathiiNoo]

Cape Town is a beautiful place. I live about a 21 hour drive from there. Lol x

 

[Scout]

Congratulations!! I had my daughter at age 46. I'm now 48 and she's an amazing 20 month old. Honestly, I haven't had many age related comments. My family all believe as I do that my daughter is a blessing and was truly meant to be here.

Congratulations

 

[OldMom42]

Thanks Scout for another amazing and encouraging story! I am honestly feeling way more relaxed and positive these days! Oh yes...here's another point I meant to mention to all you lovely ladies...I have been SO sick with morning sickness. Ugh! I said to my hubby at one stage that I felt as though my insides had been through a meat grinder! Lol! I never felt like this with my other two although it was worse with my daughter than my son. Last week I had had enough and I went to the chemist and she advised me to take some combo vitamins called Preg Omega. I was used to taking a multi vitamin every day before I fell preggie. The gynae said I must stop and just take folic acid. I hate to disagree with him but I have to say that since I began these vitamins I feel human again! Maybe the fact I am progressing into the second trimester also helps! The Doc also told me to keep exercising but...even though I am a Personal trainer. ..I could not think of anything worse! No energy! I must say that I love swimming and living in a hot country that makes it perfect! What exercises have you enjoyed in your pregnancy? I would live to hear! Xx

 

[OldMom42]

Love...not live. ..pregnant and can't spell or type properly. .hee hee! 😁

 

[J22]

Hi OldMom42!

I´ve always enjoyed exercise (I´m sure not to your level though if you´re a personal trainer!!). I was 38/39 with my first pregnancy and continued running up to 7.5 months. I used to only do runs up to 10km before the pregnancy but during the pregnancy I was down to maybe 3km and near the end I did "wogging" (jogging/walking!), I then gave up jogging as it got painful for me. I then took up power walking and was including some decent hills and was feeling great. I also continued going to the gym and doing my weights and cardio workouts pretty much the same as before pregnancy right up to 3 weeks before the birth (working out 5 days a week). I live in rural Spain and people in the village used to stop me and ask if I was really sure I should be exercising (haha!).

I did get a couple of weeks of terrible sciatica around 22 weeks and went swimming and cured it. It came back and crippled me for any excercise in my last 3 weeks so I used to walk around with an ice-pack down my knickers (I own a B&B so would serve breakfasts like that!!).

Unfortunately this time I´m so not fit and I don´t like the fact I´ve not been able to get back into my fitness. My dd has been such a terrible sleeper and I´ve been exhausted these past 16 months. I also don´t have family here so have to take care of her 24/7 without family to have her for an hour or two now and again, so no free time for the gym. I have started to go on little jogs pushing my toddler in the pram, but only maybe 2 miles. It´s a start, but I´m determined to continue maybe 3 times a week through the pregnancy because I´m convinced it helped me so much last time.

Hopefully you´ll feel more energy again in second tri (that´s usually the case) and you´ll be able to adapt your routine and continue exercising.
x

 

[OldMom42]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and exercise journey with me. It not only helps me as an expectant Mum but will also help when eventually I...hopefully..will be able to train a pregnant lady other than myself! Wishing you every blessing with your children! Xx

 

[cme_red]

I can't believe your brother-in-law reacted like that, so rude! My thoughts are whatever is meant to be will be. I am 35 (almost 36) and 7 weeks pregnant, honestly never thought about being considered old when we were trying to conceive. Even if it was unplanned it was meant to be, so keep being positive!!! Don't let people and their negativity get you down!

Oh and as far as exercising, I do the elliptical trainer and lift weights. I want to ensure I am ready and as healthy as can be for this. Which I am going into mine overweight so really hoping I can keep up my exercising so I don't gain too much and cause unnecessary complications. I recently pulled a muscle in my back so trying to recover from that then will be back at it, just a lot more careful so I don't do that again!

 

[Serenjay]

Bad brother in law.. but exciting news for you!! Congratulations and a Happy and Healthy 9 months.. will have to keep following this

Im 42 I have 3 grown up's from a previous relationship but this is Our first xx

 

[OldMom42]

Wow. .congratulations to you too! It's great to be sharing in this experience with other Mums!
Ok...so update for you all...
Went for the gynae checkup today and had a lovely time with the scan! Baby looking great and a very active little one although I can't feel it yet! Hubby and I were so excited. Gynae very happy and morning sickness seems to have abated..yay! Got the go ahead to break the news to a wider audience. .as we had only told a select few so far and after my brother in laws reaction...well!
Sadly my own mother was appalling to me today and said the most evil things and made me feel like a naughty school girl. Her disappointment was clear and my father refuses to talk to me. How sad that they cannot choose to share in this wonderful blessing with us! I am hoping they will come round soon. My sisters were over the moon to be loving aunties again. .yay!
Still praying for harmony in our family and also for good results from those eight vials of blood they took today..eek! Haha! Love to all you fabulous older Mommies out there and let's keep chatting! Xx

 

[Serenjay]

Your family will come around.. Babies make everyone go all sweet

Try not to worry about them, maybe they are just worried about you... x

 

[Left wonderin]

Firstly huge congratulations you and oh must be so excited 42 is well young !!! Lol
I was 41 having first LO and so plan on having no 2 very soon ..... Inforced WTT due to thyroid issues but can't wait to get going again you are a hope bringer to all us oldies lol...

Enjoy every second of this very special time . And don't listen to the begrudgers ..... Xxxx

 

[OldMom42]

Dear Mommies who have replied to my questions and got involved in this thread,
I just wanted to say thank you for your comments and support to date. It's been amazing! Keep them coming...it's good to chat!
Today I decided that enough was enough...I have been waiting three weeks for my blood test results and whilst I am a strong Christian and believe in lots of Faith, Trust and prayer, this was getting a bit too much! So I decided to pay a quick visit to the gynae's offices to see what was going on. Lo and behold the results were in ages ago and the nurse said: "Don't worry - if anything was wrong we would have called you". Wow! So relieved! So after eight vials of blood were taken they had tested for: Genetic abnormalities, Thyroid, Glucose levels and HIV (the latter being standard here in Africa). I am feeling so blessed and relieved that all is well so far and continue to pray for the health of my new baby!
For those who are interested, I have put myself on a three-times a week 30-minute Preggie Pilates session, as well as some swimming here and there. In terms of eating I am finally (almost) done with feeling nauseous and I am taking a lovely multi-vit called "Preg Omega". So all looking good! Next scan and checkup on Monday 02 March.

Just goes to show how the negative folk should keep their opinions to themselves...lol!
Please let me know how you are all getting on.
Love,

OldMom42 xx

 

[J22]

Aww, you must feel so relieved!
All´s good so far here, I´m starting to "full out" around the middle, but it´s not looking like a bump yet! I got my genetics results back and alls was fine with those, my iron levels were great too.
I´ve managed a few odd little jogs pushing my 18 month old in the pram, but only for a couple of miles...better than nothing I suppose!
My next appointment is on the 15th March for my 20 weeks scan.