5 year old questioning interracial relationship

[adoringmum]

My 5 year old daughter has started asking me questions about why she doesn't look a lot like me, but looks a lot like her father (my husband is black and I am white)?

I have tried to explain to her about genes and that she has a lot of her father's genes, but she doesn't think that she is my child. I've started to become worried as I want her to know that she is mine. Anyone else have a similar problem and can someone offer any advice??

 

[TattiesMum]

My 5 year old daughter has started asking me questions about why she doesn't look a lot like me, but looks a lot like her father (my husband is black and I am white)?

I have tried to explain to her about genes and that she has a lot of her father's genes, but she doesn't think that she is my child. I've started to become worried as I want her to know that she is mine. Anyone else have a similar problem and can someone offer any advice??

My Grandson is mixed race but at 22 months hasn't noticed at all ... does your daughter have any friends at school who are from a mixed race background? It might help if she can see that other children also look more like one parent than they do the other

There are also some great children's books around which help to explain mixed race families to children

https://www.cynthialeitichsmith.com/lit_resources/diversity/multiracial/multi_race_picbooks.html

https://www.intermix.org.uk/books/Books_child.asp

 

[smelly07]

I am mixed race and other children use to think i was adopted but growing up it was 'normal' to me to have a brown daddy and a white mummy and even though my mum had different colour skin to me i never once thought for a moment that she wasnt my mum but school friends would tell me i was adopted as i couldnt possibly have a white mum they just couldnt grasp it.


my daughter asked why i was brown and she was around that age (school age) (but she never has questioned me not being her mum).....i said when you have a mummy and daddy who are both white/black/brown/ then usually their children will have white/black/brown skin BUT if you have one parent who is white and one who is black or brown then the child may have white skin may have brown skin or may have black skin....it all just depends....

my brother has 3 boys and his partner is white but 2 of the boys have white skin and the other has brown skin, (no body would think they were brothers) so i mention this to my daughter, i said B looks like his dad and J and A look like their mum right? she thought about it and said 'so it doesnt matter if you dont look like your mum or dad or have same colour skin or eyes or hair thats doesnt mean anything?' and i said 'yes thats right'!!! and i also pointed out children in her school who i knew where mixed race x!!!

i think just reassure her you are her mum, show her photos of her as a baby and any hospital photos may be good and just try and explain or is there any other mixed race children in her school that you could meet up with so she see's that others to have different colour mummies and daddies?

and there may even be books about mixed race families but i have never even thought about buying any tbh x

 

[adoringmum]

Thanks so much. Might look into these books. They may help with my other kids too!! I always found books about being black but never mixed-race. I live in a predominantly black neighbourhood and most kids at the school are black, with a few white and hispanic children, but there are not many mixed race children that I know of.

 

[adoringmum]

Well our neighbourhood is predominantly black, so she mixes mostly with black children, but I havent seen many mixed race children or interracial couples. But I might have to sit down and discuss it with her and buy some of those books. Thankyou for telling me your story.

 

[JASMAK]

My kids are 'mixed' and we always talk about how white I am! LOL...we are very open about it...I am sure they know they are mine, because they have seen about a billion pictures of me pregnant with them, giving birth etc. Why not break out the photo albums???

 

[LilDreamy]

Well she is young, so try and take a simple approach to it.

Get a glass of white milk and a glass of chocolate milk, and an empty glass. Just say, (lol sorry if this seems silly...) "pretend dada is the chocolate milk and momma is the white milk, now when they decide to have a baby, the baby comes out a mixture of both." Then you pour half the chocolate milk into the empty glass and half of the white milk into the same glass, and show her how it comes out a different color, or a lighter or darker version of mommy/daddy.

lol.... This is probably silly... But if Alexa ever asks me... Thats how I will explain it.

And then of course compare, "see this baby milk looks nothing like mommy milk, but that baby milk came from mommy. "

IDK.

 

[minties]

That's a brilliant suggestion about the milk,

 

[CelticStar]

I was going to suggest something as basic as black and white paints and showing her how mixing different amounts of both colours result in different colours being produced.

The above post about the milk is the same idea though!

 

[WantingABubba]

I am mixed, and love having one black parent and one white parent. My Mum is black and Dad white.

Of course, growing up, it was sometimes confusing, but you get the hang of it when you're older. My Mum always made sure I knew my identity, and never pushed me to stick to one race. I'm biracial - not black, not white, and she helped me with that.

Only thing, for ages, I felt weird that I didn't 'have' a race. And sometimes I feel like my white family aren't mine, but that's probably because they've practically disowned me because of my Dad

There have been issues, but that's another story.

OH is white (Greek), so our babies may look white, or may look mixed. Def something to think about.

I think LilDreamy's suggestion was perfect