5 year old won't go to school!

[bloodbinds]

I've hesitated in posting, I've not been around for a while but really need some advice.

My daughter tells me she doesn't like school, she's in reception and says the day is too long. She gets on with all the kids and the teachers and comes back with drawings for me etc but she's always said it's too long.

The last couple of months she's been really 'funny' with socks and tights. She says they hurt her and it can be almost impossible to get her out of the house because of this.
I went to the doctors about it and they've said its nothing medical, most likely it's in her head as a behavioural issue and she'll grow out of it.


However, getting her to school is becoming a nightmare. She won't wear socks or tights, some days are better than others but she always throws a massive tantrum about it, and though I offer to rearrange the socks or swap the tights she still won't. She went to the shops and tried on a bunch of socks to find ones she liked and we did so we bought them but now those are hurting her too. It's getting ridiculous, I'm having to drag her out of the house each morning and she kicks and screams all the way to school and she won't go in and a teacher has to come and get her in.

I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't want to go to school or if it's genuinely that the socks hurt her, though when she gets back from school the tights or socks are no longer a problem and she doesn't seem fussed with them and some days the tights are fine and even though I put the exact same ones on her the next day they are hurting again.


I just don't know what to do, it's embarrassing having to drag her to school every morning, I feel like I've tried everything, tried putting her in the naughty step if she makes a fuss about it and tried rewarding her when she doesn't make a fuss but nothing is working and now really need some advice of what I could try next? I can't keep waiting for her to grow out of it as it's making me miserable every single morning and I hate that I have to leave her screaming like she does but I need to get to work.

Any advice you can give me would be gratefully received!

 

[alibaba24]

it sounds like she may be using the socks/tights as an excuse not to go to school as she knows she can't go without them

sorry no better advice id probably try and come up with some type of incentive for her to go

 

[aimee-lou]

I would probably try to talk to her on a non-school day about school. Get her doing an activity with her hands so she's distracted and just talk generally about school, what's good, what's bad, who's her best friend etc and see what comes out.

To have her so distraught every single day I would say there's something deeper going on. Even the teachers may not be aware of it, and it may be something trivial to most people but it's important to her. It may take a couple of times to get to the root of it but it's worth a go.

How does she react if there's something exciting going on at school? Has she had any time off recently with illness or something that would make her want to stay home? Earl is bad if he has any time off. He was off most of last week and Tues/Wed this week were a bit of a nightmare but back to normal this morning.

A friend of mine has a little girl who was crying every morning. They did a sticker chart and gave her a prize for every week that she went in without crying/getting upset. It took a good few weeks but she's much better now.

I hope things improve for you soon x

 

[laurajo24]

I remember a friend of mine having a similar issue with her daughter and socks. It was the seam inside the toes that was bothering her so she ended up wearing them inside out and was fine after that.

It does sound more like an excuse though. It could be something really simple like worrying about going to the toilet, or having to change for PE. I agree with PP who said to get her chatting when she's distracted.

Hope you can get to the bottom of it x

 

[Tasha]

I would ask the school if they will organise play therapy for her. My little one had it last year (she was five almost six) and it helped her massively. At five she might not even know what's bothering her or might be unable to express herself effectively. Play therapy allows that without the pressure.

 

[Jchihuahua]

I teach reception and I have a little girl in my class who is like this with tights and her mum had a lot of trouble getting her ready and into school in the mornings because of this. In the end I told her mum to send her without if she won't put them on in the morning and to put them in her book bag and I will help her put them on as soon as she gets to school. This worked and she would put them on straight away at school as it was more of a psychological thing than actually hating the tights and within a few weeks she seemed to get over that phase and now gets ready fine for her mum and it is no longer an issue.

Agree with Tasha about play therapy too.

 

[AngelofTroy]

My brother did exactly this in the 90s! I clearly remember him begging my mum to stay at school because his socks were 'wrong'! No advice sorry but my mum persevered and he loved school later on. I think he was just quite young as he''s a July birthday

 

[SilasLove]

My little sister did this, she was 9 years younger than me and it was so frustrating every morning and I know you say the doctor's say it isn't medical but my sister actually has sensory issues. To this day she wears clothing inside out to deal with it, but if she has to wear something the right way she literally starts scratching at her skin with no regard to how hard ... I don't know, but I don't always chop these things up to being behavioral issues.

That being said, seeing as some mornings she is okay with them I would start an incentive thing or as a PP said maybe ask the school to assist with getting the tights and such on after arriving at school. At least to see if maybe the behavior stops. (Then you could rule out any medical issue for sure)

Best of luck with this, and I hope it all works out. There really may be a deeper issue for her and either way I hope it comes to light.

 

[BethK]

I would send her in without socks or tights on and put them in her PE or book bag and explain the situation to the teacher. At least then you'll know if it really was down to the socks or tights.

 

[jd83]

I agree with some of the posts about it possibly being a sensory thing with her, and how they feel against her skin. I'd try them inside out to see if that helps, or see if she can go without them and put them on later at school to see if that helps.

 

[OmarsMum]

How is she at school after you leave? When do you wake up? Did you try to send her to bed a bit earlier & give her some time at home before you leave? Omar is nightmare in the mornings, he complains about everything, he started full time last year, this year he is much better, but when he wakes up a bit late in the morning & we have to rush out to avoid being late he kind of freezes & starts to whine.

As for the socks it could be sensory, I was the same when I was a child, until now I feel everything against my skin from the bra to underwear and socks. I can't even feel comfy in any shoes.

Omar is funny with underpants, he doesn't wear pants at home, he is funny with some pjs if the stitches are hard, I cut all labels from my clothes & his. He hates long trousers since he was tiny, when the weather is cooler it is a nightmare to find proper outfits for him, he goes to school in shorts. The weather is generally warm here but it gets cooler in winter.

I can't wear wool, it feels itchy on my skin, I'm in loose very short dresses at home, I can't sleep in pj trousers it feels like torture.

I agree it is not medical but for me & Omar it is sensory

 

[RachA]

If she is ok with the socks and tights on non school days and when she gets back from school then I'd hesitate to say it's a sensory thing.

My advice is to get the school on board and send her in without the socks on and they can put them on for her. My daughter has issues with getting dressed to my schedule! She wants to do it in her own time but this is as we are walking out of the house. I have the agreement of her teachers and the SENCo at the school that I can send her in wearing as much as possible and they will put the rest on. Since putting this into place the stress of getting her dressed is much reduced and 9 times out of 10 she is fine now.

 

[OmarsMum]

If she is ok with the socks and tights on non school days and when she gets back from school then I'd hesitate to say it's a sensory thing.

My advice is to get the school on board and send her in without the socks on and they can put them on for her. My daughter has issues with getting dressed to my schedule! She wants to do it in her own time but this is as we are walking out of the house. I have the agreement of her teachers and the SENCo at the school that I can send her in wearing as much as possible and they will put the rest on. Since putting this into place the stress of getting her dressed is much reduced and 9 times out of 10 she is fine now.

With sensory it doesn't work this way, I wear underwear, I don't always feel them, but when I am tired or upset they start to irritate me. When I feel nervous every item of cloth on me irritates me.

With Omar if he is excited to go out, he is not bothered with what he is wearing, but once he gets tired he starts to get irritated from what he is wearing. When he wakes up in the morning and I dress him to go to school his socks will irritate him, he will complain about them, it takes me at least 10 mins to help him put them on in the "right" way, but if he is going to a football class they don't bother him as his excitement and the adrenaline rush overcome the irritation.

 

[kbwebb]

I was like this when i was that age, i hated the feel of the white long school socks and they had to be just right and exactly level with each other or i felt very distressed. Often the teacher would put them on for me, or i would wear normal socks that weren't actually allowed as part of the uniform because they were soft. A few years later, i went on to hate trousers or underwear because the elastic waist irritated me, at one point, i would wear a summer dress and no socks even in the winter. im sorry that i have no advice, but just to say that you're not alone and that i did grow out of it eventually.

 

[bdb84]

Could it be that she is having an issue with a classmate? When my son was 5-6 and in his first year of full time schooling, he pulled something similar. One day I dropped him off at school and he walked toward the building. He suddenly made an abrupt stop, turned around to face my car and started crying. He had never done this before so I immediately pulled into a parking spot and went to him. He began saying his stomach hurt "so bad". It was the first he had mentioned it, but one of the teacher aides came up to us and confirmed that there had been a stomach bug going around the school lately. I agreed to bring him back home with me on the off chance he really was not feeling well.

Of course, as soon as he gets back home, he is perfectly fine.

The next morning he pulled the same stunt on me in the drop-off line, so I knew there was something else bothering him. It took several days, and LOTS of crying on his part, before he finally admitted that one of his classmates had been picking on him.

I took it to his teacher and the principal and actions were taken to solve the problem. We didn't have another incident again.

 

[babifever]

I believe she's using the socks/ tights as an excuse for sure.

Question, how long has this been going on?

I think being firm and letting her know she must go to school and just consistently taking her may help alone.

She needs to see that it's not a option. She has enough sense to make up excuses and express that "the day is too long", so I imagine there's anything else going on, she just doesn't like it.

Maybe you can add a incentive for cooperatively going to school.....

 

[mumnbean]

My daughter doesn't have particular issues with clothing, but is always saying she hates school and doesn't want to go. It's pretty distressing to hear from a 4 or 5 year old! My strategy is to arrange play dates with a few friends she mentions from school. So she can have a better time socializing one on one to get to know her classmates. It always improves things for me so might be worth a shot? I think it helps her feel more connected to the friends at schools she spends all day with.