6 year old behaviour

[alibaba24]

My 6 year old is turning into a nightmare ! She will argue about anything. She goes from 0-60 in seconds. She can't seem to talk about what's annoyed her she's just gone straight to screaming about it. For example if her tablet needs charged she's screeching that her tablet needs charged rather than just telling me. Earlier my sister said let's go to the park a big one! And dd barked back no a small one !!! I mean. What !! Anyone else experiencing anything similar?

 

[Natasha2605]

At 6, I absolutely would not tolerate that kind of behaviour. My four year old knows how to speak and ask appropriately, let alone my nearly 6 year old. I'd sit her down, speak to her about why it's unacceptable, ask her how she'd feel if you were speaking to her in such a way etc. Following that I'd explain the consequences if she continues to act in such a way depending on how you discipline. For us, either or my two would be warned not to speak in such a manner and if they continued then they would need to sit on the stair in the hallway until they were ready to talk nicely.

 

[alibaba24]

At 6, I absolutely would not tolerate that kind of behaviour. My four year old knows how to speak and ask appropriately, let alone my nearly 6 year old. I'd sit her down, speak to her about why it's unacceptable, ask her how she'd feel if you were speaking to her in such a way etc. Following that I'd explain the consequences if she continues to act in such a way depending on how you discipline. For us, either or my two would be warned not to speak in such a manner and if they continued then they would need to sit on the stair in the hallway until they were ready to talk nicely.

I do that already. She settles then a while later is the same

 

[cupcake23]

My dd already has some teenage attitude but wouldn't dare speak to me this was way, she knows I wouldn't let her finish her sentence.

Not sure how you would resolve this though... Does she apologise after speaking this way? Do you do what she wants i.e charge her tablet? Take her to the smaller park? Because I wouldn't, that would be my punishment and would hope she would learn from this.

 

[alibaba24]

Iv done a bit of googling and it seems I am not alone in this thankfully. I'm thinking of doing a reward chart because she loves praise iv just no idea how to go about doing one

 

[alibaba24]

My dd already has some teenage attitude but wouldn't dare speak to me this was way, she knows I wouldn't let her finish her sentence.

Not sure how you would resolve this though... Does she apologise after speaking this way? Do you do what she wants i.e charge her tablet? Take her to the smaller park? Because I wouldn't, that would be my punishment and would hope she would learn from this.

Yes she apologises and no I don't give into whatever it is she's fussing about. If she starts shouting about her tablet I take it off for her a period of time until she can learn to speak to me properly

 

[Quartz]

It sounds like both a mixture of not being able to fully get a handle on her emotions so it spirals out of control and not fully getting what people are saying misinterpreting it and then firing back.

How is her communication - it sounds like things are bothering her and its getting ontop of her and her emotions are coming out

How is she at school?

 

[alibaba24]

It sounds like both a mixture of not being able to fully get a handle on her emotions so it spirals out of control and not fully getting what people are saying misinterpreting it and then firing back.

How is her communication - it sounds like things are bothering her and its getting ontop of her and her emotions are coming out

How is she at school?

She does have some language difficulties but the language I use with her I keep it basic and I know it's things she understands confidently. At school she's really happy and doing very well

 

[alibaba24]

The thing about the park size I am 99% sure she was just bring awkward. She's done it a few scenarios if I say black she says white. Had my sister said let's go to a small park I would put money on dd saying no a big one!

 

[LaughOutLoud]

The thing about the park size I am 99% sure she was just bring awkward. She's done it a few scenarios if I say black she says white. Had my sister said let's go to a small park I would put money on dd saying no a big one!

At this age may be you need to try re connecting with her? I know, easier said than done but may be a day out just you two? An you can ask what shed like to do an then talk about whether there is anything on her mind? Anything bothering her?

GL x

 

[alibaba24]

The thing about the park size I am 99% sure she was just bring awkward. She's done it a few scenarios if I say black she says white. Had my sister said let's go to a small park I would put money on dd saying no a big one!

At this age may be you need to try re connecting with her? I know, easier said than done but may be a day out just you two? An you can ask what shed like to do an then talk about whether there is anything on her mind? Anything bothering her?

GL x

Maybe a good idea she often asks if we can go somewhere without her 2 year old sister

 

[LaughOutLoud]

The thing about the park size I am 99% sure she was just bring awkward. She's done it a few scenarios if I say black she says white. Had my sister said let's go to a small park I would put money on dd saying no a big one!

At this age may be you need to try re connecting with her? I know, easier said than done but may be a day out just you two? An you can ask what shed like to do an then talk about whether there is anything on her mind? Anything bothering her?

GL x

Maybe a good idea she often asks if we can go somewhere without her 2 year old sister

I can imagine that if her sister was her next sibling then she was used to having you to herself until the baby came along. I feel that maybe her emotions now are her way of trying to get your sole attention rather than being divided with the baby. I have a 6 yr old and a 19 month old and can see where she may be coming from. I'm planning on taking a day out with my 6yr old too during the school break next week. My 19 month old takes most of my attention so I do feel that the relationship with my 6 yr old can easily get lost. Let us know what happens X

 

[alibaba24]

The thing about the park size I am 99% sure she was just bring awkward. She's done it a few scenarios if I say black she says white. Had my sister said let's go to a small park I would put money on dd saying no a big one!

At this age may be you need to try re connecting with her? I know, easier said than done but may be a day out just you two? An you can ask what shed like to do an then talk about whether there is anything on her mind? Anything bothering her?

GL x

Maybe a good idea she often asks if we can go somewhere without her 2 year old sister

I can imagine that if her sister was her next sibling then she was used to having you to herself until the baby came along. I feel that maybe her emotions now are her way of trying to get your sole attention rather than being divided with the baby. I have a 6 yr old and a 19 month old and can see where she may be coming from. I'm planning on taking a day out with my 6yr old too during the school break next week. My 19 month old takes most of my attention so I do feel that the relationship with my 6 yr old can easily get lost. Let us know what happens X

i didnt think of that because her sister is 2 now but that could may well be the case. I am going to plan something nice with her and have a heart to heart and see if will tell me if anything is bothering her too . hope you have a nice day with your oldest x

 

[noon_child]

It sounds like both a mixture of not being able to fully get a handle on her emotions so it spirals out of control and not fully getting what people are saying misinterpreting it and then firing back.

How is her communication - it sounds like things are bothering her and its getting ontop of her and her emotions are coming out

How is she at school?

She does have some language difficulties but the language I use with her I keep it basic and I know it's things she understands confidently. At school she's really happy and doing very well

I think people can really underestimate the emotional strain that language difficulties can cause. Some of what you say sounds like normal child behaviour (deliberately saying the opposite in order to feel "in charge") but other things do sound like they could be related to the language thing.

I don't think there's anything you are doing wrong though. How independent is she? maybe if she could DO more for herself she wouldn't get so stressed about trying to explain or ask for help? e.g could she not charge her tablet herself?

 

[alibaba24]

It sounds like both a mixture of not being able to fully get a handle on her emotions so it spirals out of control and not fully getting what people are saying misinterpreting it and then firing back.

How is her communication - it sounds like things are bothering her and its getting ontop of her and her emotions are coming out

How is she at school?

She does have some language difficulties but the language I use with her I keep it basic and I know it's things she understands confidently. At school she's really happy and doing very well

I think people can really underestimate the emotional strain that language difficulties can cause. Some of what you say sounds like normal child behaviour (deliberately saying the opposite in order to feel "in charge") but other things do sound like they could be related to the language thing.

I don't think there's anything you are doing wrong though. How independent is she? maybe if she could DO more for herself she wouldn't get so stressed about trying to explain or ask for help? e.g could she not charge her tablet herself?

She's very independent she does almost everything for herself. The reason she complains about it needing charged is because she knows she will have to stop playing it

 

[noon_child]

It sounds like both a mixture of not being able to fully get a handle on her emotions so it spirals out of control and not fully getting what people are saying misinterpreting it and then firing back.

How is her communication - it sounds like things are bothering her and its getting ontop of her and her emotions are coming out

How is she at school?

She does have some language difficulties but the language I use with her I keep it basic and I know it's things she understands confidently. At school she's really happy and doing very well

I think people can really underestimate the emotional strain that language difficulties can cause. Some of what you say sounds like normal child behaviour (deliberately saying the opposite in order to feel "in charge") but other things do sound like they could be related to the language thing.

I don't think there's anything you are doing wrong though. How independent is she? maybe if she could DO more for herself she wouldn't get so stressed about trying to explain or ask for help? e.g could she not charge her tablet herself?

She's very independent she does almost everything for herself. The reason she complains about it needing charged is because she knows she will have to stop playing it

Ah yes, I know that one very well!

 

[alibaba24]

Lol noon child it's fun and games haha. She definately Does have some added frustration when she's struggling to get her words out but she generally copes well and always manages to get her point across. I think mostly it's down to just trying to push some boundaries and see what she can get away with . Yesterday I noticed her getting noticeably less angry and talk to me more I could see her check herself and I told her how well she had done speaking to me calmly which she loved and we had a nice hug. Hopefully she will see throwing her weight around isn't going to bring her anything good or rewarding

 

[wishingonastar]

Can honestly say it's totally normal behaviour. That said, it obviously still needs addressing (which I know you're trying to do) I just wanted to reassure you. Earlier in the thread a poster meant well however comparing a 6 yr olds behaviour to a younger child is like comparing lamb and strawberries for taste comparisons. I say this as a mother of a 6 yr old, 4 yr old and 4 mth old.

My now 6 yr old began having a personality change from the time they started reception but it was slight so we noticed but she was still largely our little girl.

Fast forward to yr 1 and a teenager began to peer out from her with attitude beginning to emerge and stroppiness. Again, still not enough to be drastic but definately growing inside!

Now we find ourselves at yr 2 and 6 yrs old (7 in a few mths). Oh boy! We've had a nice conversation about something random when she'll suddenly scream and thrown something and this feral look and strong jaw will take over her face. Occasionally we can see something has triggered anger inside...other times its totally random. We've experienced shouting, screaming, hysterics, tears, violence, the works.

Having spoken to several school parents they've also experienced these changes too. Apparently girls experience rushes of hormones even this early and that can affect behaviour along with a desire to be independent and in effect a mini grown up. They also have more pressure on them at school now to deal with and they're starting to see different stressful social dynamics whereas before in earlier yrs they were more fickle in play and self absorbed.

Things we've found have helped:
- reward chart (I'll explain below how we've presented ours)
- remaining firm but calm in thethe face of her behaviour (modelling what we expect)
- on particularly bad (violent/aggressive) days we put her in her room and hold door shut whilst explaining she's having calm down time (different from time out) and that she can come out when she's calm. I stay outside the door at all times and whenever she tries to open door I explain she's only allowed out when she's calm and that I'm staying outside til then. This can take her one to 5 mins as she has to basically allow the internal rage pass through her and until then literally does not hear a word we say and just stays in aggressive hysterical mode.
- once calm we explain her behaviour wasn't acceptable and try to talk about what triggered it and how it made others feel (she's petrified her 4 yr old sister in the past in these states which led me to research her behaviour on dealing with it)

For our reward chart we have put days of week across top, the behaviours she needs to show down left side. These behaviours cover home & school as we've had major issues in both areas. I crossed out the school sections on weekend then counted maximum number of stickers she can achieve in a week which was something like 37. I decided to make the chart achievable for her and we now say she can get a whole sticker, half sticker or sad face for each entry. If she manages a full day of stickers then the following morning she gets a small treat (one starburst or tiny choc). We learnt the hard way to wait til next morning as we had impeccably behaved child, rewarded her at dinner then she was a nightmare at bedtime! If she manages 30 or more stickers in a week she gets a big treat (like a normal size choc bar or a special drunk or a ice cream tub out freezer). If no half stickers or sad faces at all within that week she'll get two big treats. For the sake of counting up we count two half stickers as a whole. This chart has definitely helped

 

[alibaba24]

thank you so much wishingonastar. Its reassuring to know its not just mine and definately going to try the chart

 

[wishingonastar]

No probs and just realised I made slight mistake. We do two big treats if no sad faces at all that week not no sad faces and no half stickers. That way if her behaviour has been markedly better with only couple of slips she gets two rewards but if she has one or two sad faces she still has chance to get just the one big treat at end of week.

It's really helped her