6 year old displaying disturbing behaviours

[BrandiCanucks]

I am so absolutely embarrassed.

*Maybe trigger warning*

My three older children are in the middle of a custody and access battle and things have gotten bad. My ex is losing, and in turn, he's been saying things to the kids to try and turn them against me. I've seen my girls cry because when he tells them they should live with him, they think he means that they will never see me again.

But it's my 6 year old son that I am concerned about the most. Recently, he's been chewing on his shirts and literally destroying them. He's become violent at school and on the bus, hitting kids for no reason, and just now, I got a text from a mom a few doors down from me that he was trying to pee on her daughter and other kids while walking up from the bus stop. When I tried to talk to him about it, he just started crying and stomped upstairs and slammed his bedroom door.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. He's been in counselling twice because of violent outbursts at home, and he was investigated for ADHD, but nothing has come of that. The outbursts stopped for a while, but I've noticed a negative attitude creeping back since his father took me back to court over custody and access.

I've called his counsellor who isn't in until tomorrow and his doctor is on vacation until August.

Please help me.

 

[Tristansmom]

I can totally relate. My ex (my 6yo's father) does similar things. My son also has anger issues about it, but refuses to actually talk to me about what is said at Daddy's house because Daddy said not to.

All I can say is keep showing them as much love and support as you can. They will eventually connect the unconditional love they get from you with feelings of safety and security, and the feelings of recrimination and stress they get from the other party will not be able to overcome that. I know it's not much comfort in the moment - and those moments are heartbreaking - but you are doing the best you can. Don't forget that. Continue to seek out help and advocate for your son whenever possible - counselling, etc etc. I hope Ontario Healthcare can provide some support for you along those lines.

With my son's outbursts, I remind him that it is ok to be angry but there are appropriate and not-so-appropriate ways to show we are angry - and hurting other people is never appropriate (he can become very violent, slamming his head into people, punching, or kicking). We work hard on more constructive ways to deal with anger and frustration, including things like breathing exercises (pretend you are blowing up a balloon ten times to help you calm down), drawing, building block towers and pushing them down, and even crying (sometimes that release is what he really needs). I won't say it works 100% of the time by any means, but, little-by-little I am noticing changes in his behaviour.

And I'm sure you already know this but document everything. Keep a journal with dated entries. It's admissable in court.

Best of luck. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hope you have some in-person support out there!