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[Waiting4Bump]

Well, I woke up at 4:30am throwing up. Then I went faint, and passed out in the bathroom. I got back into bed, and had a drink. I started to feel better, but I went to get checked out anyway, as I had a busy day today. So we toddled of to A&E.

Almost the first question was, any chance you are pregnant? I told them there was and that I was late for AF and whatever, and they asked if I had tested. So I told them about my test at 15dpo, and that it was definately at BFN. They insisted I took another one, and said that it's very common for women to not get their BFP's until after their AF is due. So I took another test, and almost straight away.....! Big and bold and bright.

They took my blood pressure, which was slightly low, but not worryingly so, and put everything down to pregnancy. Which I was over the moon at, and instantly seemed to feel better. So I came home, and went back to bed for a couple of hours. Woke up feeling nauseous, but nothing to write home about.

I went to Hartlepool for the football, and watched all of the game..We won 4-1! OK a pretty good day for me so far as you can imagine.

On the way home, the coach broke down, and we had to wait 2 hours at a service station while the coach was repaired. I just wanted to get home, and to bed. I went to KFC as it was really what I fancied, and OH went to Subway with a couple of his mates. Anyway, I started to cramp a little bit, but didn't think anything of it, as I have been cramping for a week now. Went to the toilet and had a little bit of spotting. Again, thought nothing of it because I had some spotting last week and it wasn't anything different than then.

Half-Way home, I had to beg them to stop the coach so I could get off, and go to the loo. I knew I was bleeding, I just felt so different. I ran to the toilet, and I was right. Really heavy bleeding, and awful, awful cramps. It was horrible. I told my friend what was happening, and text OH. He ran in, but obviously there wasn't a lot he could do, and I just burst into tears.

So, I've just got home and rang the out of hours at the hospital. They say the EPAU won't do anything, as I was between 4 and 5 weeks, and it is too early to see anything on a scan, but if I wanted they could do a blood test tomorrow, and another on Wednesday to check my HcG levels. I said I didn't see the point as I just know my little one has gone.

Not only did I find out I was pregnant today, but I have also lost my little one. I'm beside myself and I just don't know what to do. I don't want my friends, I don't want my family, I don't want OH. I just want to be on my own. But then, I don't want to be on my own either.

I'm so sorry, I just don't know what else to do.

 

[~KACI~]

*HUgs* x x

 

[Waiting4Bump]

Thank you hun..OH has also been a bit of a Grr today! Don't know what to do with him anymore! xx

 

[~KACI~]

Bless you... men are hopeless!! Get yourself tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle and some parecetomol x x

 

[Waiting4Bump]

I've had Nurofen, and I have a heat pad on my back, but neither are touching the pain.

I guess I just want to curl up in bed, and wake up and it all be a dream, but I don't think that is going to happen. I just want to carry on as normal, and be my normal happy self in front of everyone. I always try to do that. I only cry in private, and on my own.

 

[wantababybump]

Sorry for your loss xx

 

[JASMAK]

 

[KKSARAH]

so sorry Hun,

 

[becky77]

sorry for your loss hunny, it is perfectly natural to have your emotions all over the place,i only cry in private to so i understand what your feeling. keep taking the painkillers and rest and any time you need to talk then get on here and do so this forum was a god send when i lost my lo in oct, all this ladies are wonderful and know how you feel which is such a support as many people you know go through the motions a bit as they have no idea what its like.

pm if you need to talk

x

 

[Waiting4Bump]

Thank you all very much. I have been to the doctor's this morning and had the blood tests done. I text OH and told him that I was sure it was over, and he said "Well, if it's over we can try again, it isn't hard!" I really don't think he understands at all, I really don't!

I'm still bleeding, and passing big clots, but the cramps have eased slightly. I just don't know what to do with myself. Do I stay at home in bed? Or do I go to town to the sales? I want to stay at home on my own, but I want to be out and about as normal.

 

[Drazic<3]

Grrr men just do not get it sometimes. Im sorry he is seeming so insensitive. It might just be that he is confused and doesn't understand, doesn't make it any easier though.

Im so sorry for your loss

 

[Waiting4Bump]

I've tried to explain to him how I feel, but I can't find the words, at all.

Thank you xx

 

[Rumpskin]

Just seen your post lovely, I am so so very sorry to hear your news.

I would rest up and take things easy.

Thinking of you xxx

 

[becky77]

men sometims dont know what to say ,and feel like they should be protecting you somehow and have failed. my oh was great but he did suffer to as he did not know what to do or say and felt guilty. i am sure he does not mean to be insensitive its just there way.
hugs

 

[Chris77]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Waiting4Bump]

Thank you all. My friend said that OH needs some sense knocking into him. We have just lost what we both really wanted, and all he can think about it "trying again". I think he is hurting though, really. I mean, how could he not be? He has never been great at showing emotion to be honest.

I did go for the blood tests this morning, but I am not feeling at all hopeful. The bleeding is still really heavy, and the cramps are back as bad as ever. I'm almost bent double. I'm sat in bed at the minute, with a box of chocolates, and Friends on TV. That never fails to cheer me up. But today, I can't see it happening. I'm trying my hardest to just smile for a time, I mean a smile makes everything seem better doesn't it?

I still feel like a fraud being here. Some on you lovely ladies have experienced losses much later on in pregnancy, so I can't imagine how it must feel for you, but I barely knew I was pregnant. Yet, I feel so utterly terrible. xx

 

[Orange lady]

I really am terribly sorry to hear your news. Also sorry that OH is not being helpful. I found a pregnant friend was the insensitive one for me. It's impossible to understand unless you have been through it yourself.
I would advise you to do what feels best for you. If that's squirrelling yourself away in bed for peace and quiet then so be it. You will feel better, I promise.
Take care
x

 

[SJK]

Im sorry xx

 

[Waiting4Bump]

Thank you both very much.

I'm feeling slightly better today I think. I am trying so hard to take my mind of things, so today I am going into Chester with my parent's and then I'm going out for a meal tonight with my parent's, OH and my brother. It's sort of like our New Year's celebration, as I'm working tomorrow night, and my brother is going back to uni tomorrow to go to his friend's houseparty. So that should be nice, although going out is the last thing on my mind at the minute, and I really don't feel like it.
I know, that if I don't go out now then I will probably find it harder when I do need to go out. I have my other blood test in the morning, and then they will get my results to me sometime on Thursday hopefully, although with it being New Year's Day, I'm not holding out too much hope to be honest. Normally my doctors are very good though, so who knows.

The bleeding seems to have eased a little bit today, but the cramps are still there and very strong. I'm going to have a nice shower in a minute and try to chill out for a little bit, but I don't think it will work. I don't know what I want to do for the best at the minute I wish there was someone who could tell me what to do.

It doesn't help that on Facebook I have one friend who is moaning about not being able to drink on NYE due to being pregnant, and another who is in hospital because she is beng induced with her baby, yet she is still moaning. I'd do anything to not be able to drink this NYE, or to be in hospital being induced next September. I'd take anything at the minute as long as it meant I could have my baby back.

Gosh, it's so confusing. I wish I could understand myself how I feel

 

[Barneyboo]