A fathers rights?

[Cre5po]

• Daughter is 7 months old
• I'm on benefit (Incapacity)
• Been apart from ex 6 weeks - CSA is being reviewed to show how much I'd have to pay
• Being told due to me only seeing my daughter once a week and not providing through CSA I wont be able to see her anymore at all
• She left me 6 weeks after getting engaged at Christmas 2011 - was with another bloke within a week

Those are the main points above but here is a little more detail.

I split with the ex around 6-7 weeks ago and since then things have been a bit messy, anyway to the point she claims to have gone to a solicitor last week regarding my daughter and what I assume would be her not being allowed around my house (Which I share with my mum and other siblings) due to an argument that broke out - yeh it sounds petty I know

Anyway until this "solicitors letter" arrives at my door she's refusing me the right to see my daughter claiming she doesn't trust me with her (despite allowing me to for 7 months?), I don't pay enough (she never applied) and that my mother is according to her a psycho - by psycho she means shouted at her to leave my house. I know, just menacing right?

What rights at this point do I even have? I have no idea what she spoke to said solicitor about or what she wants to do about anything so I'm left stranded. I don't want to go over hers and demand to see her in-case she uses that as me being disruptive or some other fantasy rubbish she can muster up. It's worth noting I'm not violent, never drank, don't smoke, do drugs, didn't abuse either of them etc it's all based on me not doing enough for my daughter before our split, whilst I admit I did not I am trying now and it's getting me nowhere as she claims what has happened is enough to refuse me the right to see my daughter permanently

My apologies if vague I just don't know how the system works and would provide more details but am not sure what to put?

This may be the wrong forum entirely as I've noticed next to all posts being by women so my apologies if that is the case I just want to see her

The reason for the split was me not doing enough, not in terms of money but sleeping over her house etc more often, as of now I live at home with my mother and 4 siblings in a 3 bedroom house so it's not like I can have my daughter over night anyway

 

[teal]

I'm sorry your ex isn't letting you see your daughter.

I'm probably not going to be much help, I don't have any contact with my ex (his choice). A friend of mine has had trouble seeing his son and he went to the solicitor himself to start the process for access. Is that something that you could do? If your ex isn't allowing you access that might be a good option for you xx

 

[lemontree12]

This makes me so sad!
There are men who generally want to do the right thing by their children and give their world to them!
I don't no the full story but from what uv said she sounds like she using ur kid as a weapon!
Mayb you should go to citizens advice if ur from the UK and get some information from them, I have a feeling that although ur not working u should be entitled to some
Legal aid! I would also make a drairy of everything that is said between u and ur ex as evidence if it's ever brought to court! Although I wouldn't make her aware that u are doing this!

Good luck I hope everything works out for u x

 

[Cre5po]

I'm sorry your ex isn't letting you see your daughter.

I'm probably not going to be much help, I don't have any contact with my ex (his choice). A friend of mine has had trouble seeing his son and he went to the solicitor himself to start the process for access. Is that something that you could do? If your ex isn't allowing you access that might be a good option for you xx

I think I'm going to indeed have to get some support of my own as she's not budging at all when it comes to sitting down like adults and discussing it, she claims I've had my chances and that's that. How that small period of time should define the next 18 years is beyond me, it simply shouldn't

This makes me so sad!
There are men who generally want to do the right thing by their children and give their world to them!
I don't no the full story but from what uv said she sounds like she using ur kid as a weapon!
Mayb you should go to citizens advice if ur from the UK and get some information from them, I have a feeling that although ur not working u should be entitled to some
Legal aid! I would also make a drairy of everything that is said between u and ur ex as evidence if it's ever brought to court! Although I wouldn't make her aware that u are doing this!

Good luck I hope everything works out for u x

Thanks for the kind words

I think I'd be fully entitled to legal aid and I'm not shying away from the fact during our relationship I didn't do as much to support my daughter as I should have. This is something I'm fully aware of and have openly told her, the case with CSA is that well we had only been apart 6 weeks, I have no problems whatsoever doing all I can to ensure that money goes through but she's using every single thing possible to stack up against me.

During the course of the last 6 weeks we have sent nasty texts, things that don't involve our daughter though so I fail to see how me thinking she treated me like a total b1tch should stop me being a father.

She offered me to have her the other week for example and I had an interview at 12pm for some experienced based work through the job centre and because I lied about it being 3 hours instead of one she claims that's because I don't want to see my daughter, truth be told, I spent the morning feeling sick and anxious - I suffer panic attacks so I said it was longer to get over it. At 4pm I rang and said I'm home and she said sorry she sleeps at 7pm you can't have her now there's no point.

She's 19 years old and at times I honestly feel like a sperm donor, that crushes me beyond belief especially as in 6 weeks she's been seeing two different guys. I may be 22 and with not a lot going for me but I'm trying to meet in the middle, her family, her friends even herself may despise me for whatever reason but they like in regard to split but that should in no way stop me seeing my daughter. She said before once or twice a week isn't enough time for me to see her, surely then I'd have split custody and as things are (6 people in a 3 bed house) I can't do it. So because I say I can't I'm now not allowed to see her fullstop? It's crazy.

I have made a small diary about the events that have happened if it does get that far but I feel it all a bit juvenile tbh. I'm heading down citizens advice on Tuesday will see how that goes!

 

[Jinty]

If i done my research right few weeks/months back. If your on yours daughters birth certificate, you have the same amount of rights as your ex. Unless you have been through court before saying your only allowed certain amount of access etc. I don't think she has the right to do that unless your a danger to your daughter. Don't quote me though.

 

[Lemonflower]

Go to citizens advice - I think they can also arrange for you to see a solicitor for 15 mins for free also.
You're doing the right thing keeping a diary. Maybe write her a letter requesting access, photo copy it and send the original by recorded post. Also maybe set up a savings account for your daughter or transfer money to your ex by standing order each month or you could buy nappies and milk and keep the receipts.

If this goes to court at least you have evidence that you wanted access to your daughter. She sounds quite vindictive and may lie but by showing you always have your daughter in your thoughts and trying to be her father will go in your favour.

 

[angelpkj]

go solicitors asap as it can be a long winded process some times
you should apply youself to csa if you wish to support your daughter-it isnt just left to when she does it for you-you can arrange it yourself and even if you was only on JSA you still "have" to pay a fiver a week

bringing up a baby and paying for it alone is hard and any help you could offer would show you care

 

[Laura2919]

If your on her birth certificate you have parental responsibilty but the whole thing is pretty vague! I wouldn't be too sure on what is what!
Your ex is bang out of order for not letting you see your LO. But if this went to court it wouldn't look good on her at all.
Its bound to be difficult at first, its been 6 weeks. I'm here nearly 8 months and we still haven't found mutual ground. It's a battle but I suppose there is always going to be some sort of battle because we will never ever agree on whats right.

Unfortunately you cannot make her give you your child, unless there is a court order in place.

 

[xxsteffyxx]

I don't pay enough (she never applied)

I am in no way taking sides here, but a women should not need to 'apply' for matinence for your daughter, you should have been willing to pay it straight away after you split.

I am sorry you are unable to see your daughter though, my advice would be to go through a solitor and see what you can get done in court. If you are on incapacity then you should be entitled to legal aid.

 

[whoops]

I think you need to focus on your responsibilities as well as your 'rights'.

There's no need to go through CSA if you and your ex can work out a maintenance agreement between yourselves, so there's absolutely no reason why you can't be paying her some money now.

Sort that out first, then contact your ex and make an effort to arrange regular contact with your daughter. Stop leaving it up to your ex to take the lead on it and for the love of god, if you're offered an afternoon with your child, don't lie about being unavailable.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it comes across like you didn't take on responsibility when you and your ex were together, and now you're apart, you're sitting back and making excuses as to why you're not already paying maintenance and seeing your child.

Stop with the nasty texts as well - they don't help anybody. Your daughter is the important person here.

 

[MommaAlexis]

If my ex started insulting me and hadn't done much before I wouldn't want them to have custody either. If your daughter can't live with you, move. And the asides of how petty and everything she's being is not helping your case. You should pay her what you owe her, she shouldn't have to go through court to get it. I don't think she should refuse you when you're doing what you need to do to take responsibility for your LO, but you need to prove that you're doing that and more before expecting a thing.

 

[tooyoung]

So you u broke up because she didn't feel you were sleeping over enough? Did I read that right? Did you live together previously?
How much do / did you contribute? Were you a hands-on dad?

You can't even be sure if she went to a solicitor. Maybe that is a threat, maybe not. It will be determined what you can pay but in the meantime, give her what you can. She should not be keeping you from seeing your baby, in my opinion. That makes me sad. There are so many dads out there that don't give a rats a$$ about their children and it's refreshing you do.