I had some pink mucus and cramping on 22/12 and went to the out of hours doctor who diagnosed me with a UTI and sent me to the early pregnancy unit for a scan in the morning. On the 23/12 the cramping and mucus stopped and at the scan the baby was wriggling around. Later the cramping came back and I was bleeding with clots. I went to A&E that evening and of course it all slows down, something didn't feel right, yet they sent me home and for another scan in the morning. I didn't see much point going to it as I felt fine, no more bleeding and cramping so continued with my day.
After having a lovely day with Erika (daughter) and seeing Martins dad, we went to to my parents house. Whilst Martin(OH) was bathing Erika, I went to the bathroom (2 different bathrooms) but as I went I felt something came out. I screamed for my parents several times to phone an ambulance as the baby was coming. My dad had his headphones on and my mum was up helping Martin, but she came down and helped. By the advice of the 999 call I got on the floor and started to shiver. I was hopeful that the paramedics would be there soon.
As soon as Martin came down stairs, unaware of what was going on as I guess my parents didn't want to panic him, the paramedics came through the door. The first thing these 2 sexy guys saw was me with my pants round my ankles and everything on display! I was quickly ushered into an ambulance with a nappy as a make shift towel. It works pretty well if your short and need to nip out to the shops. The ride to the hospital was pretty good. I was pretty calm. But I think shock had kicked in and I was being unreasonably rational at that moment in time. I had no contractions at all on the way down.
When we arrived at the hospital I fell out the ambulance. Only I can manage to lose my footing getting out of one and twisting my ankle, but at that moment in time that was the least of my worries. I was quickly offered a chair and had to wait for a bed at A&E, as I was only 19 weeks and could go to the maternity ward. This could take up to 30 minutes! I started contractions pretty quickly at this point and was soon found a bed in 5 minutes. I stood up and felt something come out as I was walking to the bed. I remember getting on the bed and telling the nurse I didn't want to stand and take my trousers off as I didn't want to see anything. Somehow we managed to get everything off and it turned out just to be a blood clot, but I was in labour. They asked for the maternity doctor to come over to examine me. During this time I was having drips in, temperature checks, laughing gas the usual things. Ishmal arrived and said I was half way through delivering my baby. He asked if I minded if he got the baby out. I said no. Armed with the laughing gases and a few screams from me he managed to get the baby out at 8pm. I didn't want to see my baby. He went back to the maternity ward, whilst I was waiting to be transferred there by ambulance as I would have to go outside.
The ambulance arrived 45 minutes later and my 2 sexy guys where back. They had to replace the original ambulance as GPS wasn't working so I was their 1st and 2nd casualty for the night, not many people can be that. The baby was removed from my bed and the ER nurse came with us whilst I was being transferred. Once I reached the labour and delivery suit I was soon seen to. They were getting a bit concerned that the placenta wasn't coming. With a bit of gas an air for the 2nd time that day a doctor chucked her hand up me and was removing clots from me, but couldn't find the placenta. She went away and started to prepare for a spinal block to clear me out, but an emergency happened in between. So just before midnight I was in the theater having my placenta removed, so saw Christmas in lying on the bed looking up at the light seeing this woman pulling random clots and finally a placenta out of me. At this point I was thinking good, now I'll just spend the night in the hospital and get to go home in the morning and see Erika, little did I know what was going on.
The next morning when Ishmal came round at 9 he explained to me that I had an infection which was the cause of my miscarriage. Then he explained if I wanted a post mortem on the baby and if I wanted a funeral. It was then I was beginning to realise that I had lost my baby and had a lot of planning to do. He wanted to keep me in for 24 hours as my temperature was high and I still need bloods taken to be tested. I was gutted, not only had I just lost my 3rd child, I wouldn't be able to spend Erika's first Christmas with her. The rest of the day was more or less a whirlwind with people coming in and out, asking me if I wanted to name my baby. I did finally ask to find out what sex it was. I was delighted to find out I had a boy. I spent the rest of the morning thinking of names. It soon turned to tears when I heard a baby's cry and room filled with congratulations next door. The salvation army came round and played Christmas carols. I honestly never realised how many contained the word boy and baby in them until then and I just broke down again.
The Chaplin came over and saw me and asked what we wanted to do about funeral arrangements if we even wanted one. I didn't feel I wanted one at the time but something made me say yes. By this point I had also gave him a name Daniel Scott Anderson. He soon left and Christmas dinner was given to me. Another baby was born next door. This happened two more times over night and at 7am on Boxing Day I requested to change room as I couldn't deal with all the happy people whilst I was grieving for the loss of my baby.
I was asked if I wanted to see Daniel, but I kept refusing thinking it didn't matter or mentally I knew I wasn't ready, but you know what. I really wish I had. Right now all I keep thinking that his tiny body is somewhere ready for his post mortem to be carried out. Thankfully I the midwife took some photo's of him and put them in my SANDS pack along with his foot prints and hand prints. His foot prints are identically to Erika's just smaller. They were so cute I just broke down and cried for at least the 50th time in my hospital stay. It also told me how much he weighed 170grams. Unfortunately my temperature spiked over night so I had to spend the whole of Boxing day there also. The only good thing was at around 4pm I got transferred yet to another room and this was more like a hotel then a hospital room. A double bed, tea and coffee, free tv, books, dvds, no en suite but can't have everything.
This morning I spent the day waiting for the doctor to come round. I had no temperature spike and at this point I just wanted to go home and see my babies and give them both a big hug. Finally at midday they came round and I explained my concerns about how to prevent an infection in future pregnancies. They explained to me that I could have swaps every time I went to them and just to ring if I had concerns, if I recall I tried doing that this time, but maybe since I've had this loss maybe they will believe me more. I was finally discharged at 4 and spent a few hours with my kids at my mums before they went to bed and I went home.
Vent part. My partner and parents are really the least supportive people in this whole situation. I have a 3rd child. I have a son called Daniel who I gave birth to on Christmas eve. Although he wasn't born alive, doesn't make him any less of my child or any less important than Erika or Ossian(DS). They and at one time I believed a child isn't a child until it was born alive. I now know that was wrong as that isn't the case. So they are all thinking I shouldn't be sad about this and should just get on with it. No. I'm glad I gave Daniel a name. I'm glad I have his funeral to go even if I'm the only one there. I'm glad I have the photo's of him that when I feel confident enough to do so look at him and wonder what went wrong. They gave me a heart in my SANDS pack, like for the build-a-bear place so I might next week go and get myself a bear and place his heart in there so I have something to forever to remind me of him.
I will be trying again soon as I always wanted Erika to have a sibling close in age, so please don't think I'm trying to replace Daniel as I am not in any way shape or form doing so. He holds a special place of my heart and I didn't realise how big it was going to be until now. Also I will probably only be dipping in and out of facebook so won't read everything as I know lots of people are pregnant and not sure I can deal with that right now, so if I'm not back before you give birth Kristin don't take it personally as I really am happy for you, just I need my own wounds to heal a bit.
After having a lovely day with Erika (daughter) and seeing Martins dad, we went to to my parents house. Whilst Martin(OH) was bathing Erika, I went to the bathroom (2 different bathrooms) but as I went I felt something came out. I screamed for my parents several times to phone an ambulance as the baby was coming. My dad had his headphones on and my mum was up helping Martin, but she came down and helped. By the advice of the 999 call I got on the floor and started to shiver. I was hopeful that the paramedics would be there soon.
As soon as Martin came down stairs, unaware of what was going on as I guess my parents didn't want to panic him, the paramedics came through the door. The first thing these 2 sexy guys saw was me with my pants round my ankles and everything on display! I was quickly ushered into an ambulance with a nappy as a make shift towel. It works pretty well if your short and need to nip out to the shops. The ride to the hospital was pretty good. I was pretty calm. But I think shock had kicked in and I was being unreasonably rational at that moment in time. I had no contractions at all on the way down.
When we arrived at the hospital I fell out the ambulance. Only I can manage to lose my footing getting out of one and twisting my ankle, but at that moment in time that was the least of my worries. I was quickly offered a chair and had to wait for a bed at A&E, as I was only 19 weeks and could go to the maternity ward. This could take up to 30 minutes! I started contractions pretty quickly at this point and was soon found a bed in 5 minutes. I stood up and felt something come out as I was walking to the bed. I remember getting on the bed and telling the nurse I didn't want to stand and take my trousers off as I didn't want to see anything. Somehow we managed to get everything off and it turned out just to be a blood clot, but I was in labour. They asked for the maternity doctor to come over to examine me. During this time I was having drips in, temperature checks, laughing gas the usual things. Ishmal arrived and said I was half way through delivering my baby. He asked if I minded if he got the baby out. I said no. Armed with the laughing gases and a few screams from me he managed to get the baby out at 8pm. I didn't want to see my baby. He went back to the maternity ward, whilst I was waiting to be transferred there by ambulance as I would have to go outside.
The ambulance arrived 45 minutes later and my 2 sexy guys where back. They had to replace the original ambulance as GPS wasn't working so I was their 1st and 2nd casualty for the night, not many people can be that. The baby was removed from my bed and the ER nurse came with us whilst I was being transferred. Once I reached the labour and delivery suit I was soon seen to. They were getting a bit concerned that the placenta wasn't coming. With a bit of gas an air for the 2nd time that day a doctor chucked her hand up me and was removing clots from me, but couldn't find the placenta. She went away and started to prepare for a spinal block to clear me out, but an emergency happened in between. So just before midnight I was in the theater having my placenta removed, so saw Christmas in lying on the bed looking up at the light seeing this woman pulling random clots and finally a placenta out of me. At this point I was thinking good, now I'll just spend the night in the hospital and get to go home in the morning and see Erika, little did I know what was going on.
The next morning when Ishmal came round at 9 he explained to me that I had an infection which was the cause of my miscarriage. Then he explained if I wanted a post mortem on the baby and if I wanted a funeral. It was then I was beginning to realise that I had lost my baby and had a lot of planning to do. He wanted to keep me in for 24 hours as my temperature was high and I still need bloods taken to be tested. I was gutted, not only had I just lost my 3rd child, I wouldn't be able to spend Erika's first Christmas with her. The rest of the day was more or less a whirlwind with people coming in and out, asking me if I wanted to name my baby. I did finally ask to find out what sex it was. I was delighted to find out I had a boy. I spent the rest of the morning thinking of names. It soon turned to tears when I heard a baby's cry and room filled with congratulations next door. The salvation army came round and played Christmas carols. I honestly never realised how many contained the word boy and baby in them until then and I just broke down again.
The Chaplin came over and saw me and asked what we wanted to do about funeral arrangements if we even wanted one. I didn't feel I wanted one at the time but something made me say yes. By this point I had also gave him a name Daniel Scott Anderson. He soon left and Christmas dinner was given to me. Another baby was born next door. This happened two more times over night and at 7am on Boxing Day I requested to change room as I couldn't deal with all the happy people whilst I was grieving for the loss of my baby.
I was asked if I wanted to see Daniel, but I kept refusing thinking it didn't matter or mentally I knew I wasn't ready, but you know what. I really wish I had. Right now all I keep thinking that his tiny body is somewhere ready for his post mortem to be carried out. Thankfully I the midwife took some photo's of him and put them in my SANDS pack along with his foot prints and hand prints. His foot prints are identically to Erika's just smaller. They were so cute I just broke down and cried for at least the 50th time in my hospital stay. It also told me how much he weighed 170grams. Unfortunately my temperature spiked over night so I had to spend the whole of Boxing day there also. The only good thing was at around 4pm I got transferred yet to another room and this was more like a hotel then a hospital room. A double bed, tea and coffee, free tv, books, dvds, no en suite but can't have everything.
This morning I spent the day waiting for the doctor to come round. I had no temperature spike and at this point I just wanted to go home and see my babies and give them both a big hug. Finally at midday they came round and I explained my concerns about how to prevent an infection in future pregnancies. They explained to me that I could have swaps every time I went to them and just to ring if I had concerns, if I recall I tried doing that this time, but maybe since I've had this loss maybe they will believe me more. I was finally discharged at 4 and spent a few hours with my kids at my mums before they went to bed and I went home.
Vent part. My partner and parents are really the least supportive people in this whole situation. I have a 3rd child. I have a son called Daniel who I gave birth to on Christmas eve. Although he wasn't born alive, doesn't make him any less of my child or any less important than Erika or Ossian(DS). They and at one time I believed a child isn't a child until it was born alive. I now know that was wrong as that isn't the case. So they are all thinking I shouldn't be sad about this and should just get on with it. No. I'm glad I gave Daniel a name. I'm glad I have his funeral to go even if I'm the only one there. I'm glad I have the photo's of him that when I feel confident enough to do so look at him and wonder what went wrong. They gave me a heart in my SANDS pack, like for the build-a-bear place so I might next week go and get myself a bear and place his heart in there so I have something to forever to remind me of him.
I will be trying again soon as I always wanted Erika to have a sibling close in age, so please don't think I'm trying to replace Daniel as I am not in any way shape or form doing so. He holds a special place of my heart and I didn't realise how big it was going to be until now. Also I will probably only be dipping in and out of facebook so won't read everything as I know lots of people are pregnant and not sure I can deal with that right now, so if I'm not back before you give birth Kristin don't take it personally as I really am happy for you, just I need my own wounds to heal a bit.
xx
