absolutley devastated :'(

[dingle48c]

Hi ladies, me and my OH have been ttc for our first child for just over two years, it has been very stressful as you all probably know and I have been super depressed. We had just got our first appointment to see a specialist in a couple of weeks but me and him have just had a massive row and during the row he said "at least im going to have my own family one day unlike you, I wasted two years on your infertile a**"

I just burst into tears and we are no longer speaking, he knows how hard this journey has been for me and watched me cry over it every month then he goes and says something as hurtful as that?

I really wanted this and with my first appointment coming up in less that two weeks I just dont know what to do, I feel like I have waited forever for this appointment now I don't know if I am going to be with him anymore.

I dont know if I should still go to the appointment on my own? I am absolutely heart broken :'(

 

[Samanthatc]

You poor thing, I am feeling teary just reading your story. I know how devastating and heart breaking this TTC journey is, I've only been officially trying for 3 months but I'm totally heart broken that I didn't catch it first go! just can't believe someone could say something so hurtful.. I mean you haven't had any tests yet so you could both be very fertile or maybe he's letting the team down?!

Hopefully it was just a stupid thing that he said in the heat of the moment and hopefully he feels terrible now. You should still go to your appointment definitely because worst case scenario and things don't work out with your partner it will still be reassuring to know that everything is fine with you, because you will still want to have children one day weather with him or someone else

 

[Tui]

It's easy to say something hurtful in the heat of the moment. When we are angry we lash out and say the things we know will have effect. You get that angry because you care. I guarantee he didn't mean it. Go on your own if you have to, but try and make up. Trying for a baby is hard, and stressful. I hope you work it out. Good luck.

 

[AJR14]

That is an extremely terrible thing to say! Is that common for him to say things like that? If you guys had a stressful week he might have just said it out of frustration and now he's struggling with his pride to apologize. Or whatever you said or were arguing about really upset him. But if he is not willing to talk about it or at least try that's not a good sign in the long run. Maybe have a date night with no TTC talk. Men just handle it weird. I've had 3 miscarriages within 6 months and my husband didn't ask once I how was doing. I finally got fed up started crying and told him how I was so frustrated with him. He still didn't say much but I could tell he felt terrible...it's just he has no idea what to say.

Definitely still go to the appointment! You guys could always reconcile and it could also start a new hope that you guys need. Even if you end up not wanting to be with him...maybe you'll find the reason why you haven't been able to get pregnant and you can start preparing yourself and your body for when you're ready to try again.

 

[KatO79]

Ok that is just cruel to say on so many levels

Firstly it could just as well be his "fault" that you're having problems conceiving. Secondly even if it's you, it's not like you can help it. It also sounds like he's contemplating leaving you when he says that at least he'll have his own family, he's pretty much saying it'll be with someone else. He doesn't sound committed to you. It doesn't sound good he says he's wasted time with you, sounds like your relationship has some serious problems and you should maybe put TTCing on hold until you and your OH have resolved things and are on the same page. Because it'd be a shame to have a baby if your relationship is so bad. Not only that, I've heard that assisted conception is very mentally an emotionally draining and if he's not going to be supportive, I doubt you'll get through it.

So take a break and try and figure out if he's the one you want children with.

I know my DH and I have had our rows but we wouldn't dream of saying something so unbelievably cruel to each other.

 

[slg76]

Whoa!! That is an awful thing to say. I can't imagine something like that ever coming out of my hubby's mouth. I think it should give you pause about your relationship. Sounds like he has some things to work on weather to stay together or not

Yes!! Go to the apt! If he wants to go then great but either way you should go get checked out. It would be good to know if the issue is yours in the first place and how to fix it. That way you will have the Info you need when you decide to have a baby with hubby or with somebody new.

I'm so sorry you had such an awful fight. What a stressful week it must be for you : flow:

 

[baby_rose]

Wow, girl i understand heat of the moment out bursts but that there was disrespectful, love yourself more than you love anybody else and give urself that respect that you deserve no natter the stress sounds like he has underlying issues that must be discussed go to ur apt for ur own sanity but id hold off on ttc till he learns to respect u

 

[NDurham12]

I agree with what most have said. Men can be stupid. And talking is the last thing they want to do in times like this.

It was a very cruel thing to say, but don't judge your marriage or him on one comment.

The stress of ttc can get to be too much. Taking a break could be a good thing for both of you. Go to the appointment to know what's going on with your body, but once you know, the two of you need to work on each other.

What baby_rose said was very wise as well. He needs to respect you. Your wrath on him for those words, should be strong enough such that he will never utter them (or anything near them) again.