Access when living far away?

[makemeamammy]

Hi, so...I guess I'm now a single parent after leaving my husband a few weeks back after finding out he'd been cheating on me and him being very emotionally abusive towards me for the past year. So...as soon as I left I came back to my home town with my dd who is 2. I I have told my ex he can see her any time but it must be where I am (it's an island so he has to come by short flight or a ferry ride). He agreed and said he's likely to come in a few weeks. I have no idea how often he's likely to come but my instincts tell me it won't be often and he hasn't phoned or messaged once to ask how she is...I've occasionally phoned him if I've needed things like her birth certificate.

Anyway...I just wondered what his access would likely be when things are finalised? I don't think he will be happy about having to come here to see her but I don't see why she should have to travel. I'm seriously concerned about him having her overnight as he has never had her overnight on his own - if I was ever away, his mother would come to help as he doesn't hear her monitor when she cries (no hearing issues btw!) and she doesn't settle for him. I also don't think he could manage her when travelling.

Is it likely that a court would agree to only granting him day time access on the island where I live or will they make her travel to go and stay with him? I read somewhere about there being something to say a mum can refuse overnight access until the child is four?

Thanks in advance for any help!

Clueless, confused, newly-single mum!

 

[ClairAye]

I can't really help but I live on an island too and my ex moved away but chooses to not see his kids. However, I really cannot see a court forcing a young child to travel on a plane or boat every however often to see him. I could be wrong but I don't see that being practical at all for a two year old!

 

[makemeamammy]

Thanks for your response! I do wonder if my ex does have to make the effort to come to the island for visits whether he will lose interest (at the moment I suspect he will!) bug would just love to know for sure from other people who've been through similar. Particularly whether there's a rule saying a mum/primary carer can say no to overnight visits before four if she has concerns? Xx

 

[Cjayne]

Please update and let us know what happens All the luck in the world x

 

[Tink_]

Hey lovely,

This is exactly what I have been trying to find out too! Well, I don't live on an island but my husband (well ex now I guess?) intends to move 150 miles away but thinks he can have our 6 month old son overnight every other week which I feel extremely uncomfortable about.

I haven't got any definitive answers yet so if you hear anything, please let me know and I'll do the same for you!

If you ever want to chat, feel free to get in touch. This is literally just happening to me now too so we can be new single mums and clueless together xxx