Advice for those just entering LTTTC from those that have been here a while

[no_regrets_91]

I just thought that it might be nice to have all of the ladies that have been at this for a while give advice to those that are just starting this journey.

I know that there are alot of advice threads on here but it would be nice to have it all in one place.


When you start a post that contains advice please number it and put at least one word to tag it. Please keep comment posts and advice posts seperate so people can find the advice easier.

(Sorry I am an organization freek)

to everyone

 

[no_regrets_91]

There will be times that you feel intense jealousy for those that seem to get pregnant so easily and there is nothing wrong with this, it happens to all of us.

Don't feel guilty for having these feelings.

Try to remember this:

We should not feel envy for those that achieve pregnancy so easily instead we should pitty them. Yes, they have what we want, but they will never know what it is like to truely appreciate what they have because they have never had to work for it. They will never feel the joys of pregnancy and parenthood like we will and that is just sad.

 

[Sophe]

#2 Shock and Denial

Shock - I never expected to be in this position.

I try to remember that life can be difficult at times for everyone, people are hit by serious illness, divorce, death etc etc, these things are sent to try us and we have to be strong, LTTC is the battle we have been given, and we can win it.

Denial - This can't be happening to me?

This is something I felt quite a lot at first, I think its normal to beshcoked to find out you are in the small percentage of people who can not conceive within 1 year 18 months. I try to think it is what it is, and if I need help getting pregnant then I will have to take it.

Any other tactics for dealing with thse feelings ladies?

 

[Skoer1360]

#4 Anger

Some days you will feel nothing but anger and rage at the world. Some days you will feel angry at people close to you because they have just gotten pregnant, announced their pregnancy, posted pictures of little ones that have been conceived and birthed in the time that you are still trying. Some days you will feel angry at random strangers that pass by because they have something that you want so bad.

This is all normal. Mostly, it wont last, sometimes it fades from anger to jealousy, jealousy to bitterness, and then bitterness to nothing. Just know that if you need to take a step back and avoid certain people or situations that it is okay. No one will begrudge you and those that do, don't deserve you in the first place.

 

[Skoer1360]

#5 Blame

This is not your fault. This is not your spouse's fault. This is something that you do not deserve no matter how much you think it is. It is something that happens to the best people in the world and the worst people in the world, infertility has no judgement on who it bestows itself on. It does not mean you are a bad person or are ill equipped to handle children, it just means that you have to work a bit harder for your end goal.

 

[wonderstars]

#6 Coping

You go through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It's important to understand what coping mechanisms you have in place to help you get through these stages and daily life, in general, as you'll likely find that TTC is on your brain day and night and everyone seems to be pregnant.

I've found B&B to be a great tool for coping. I've focused on making a healthier me for the baby and have started working out, developing the short term goals makes it a wee bit easier.

Coping when you find out someone else is yet again pregnant is a tough one and I'm still working on it....