Advice Needed on Sensitivity about Baby Names

[hopeful_scot]

Hi all,

After losing our little girl last year when I was 6 months, we are very excited to be expecting a new baby in March. However, choosing baby names is a bit of a delicate issue.

My partner and I viewed the loss very differently. It was easier for him to think of it as a failed pregnancy but for me we lost a daughter. When it came to naming her, he said he would prefer if we didn't use the name that up until then had been our favourite girl's name. We agree on so few names and he felt that he would like to keep it for a future pregnancy. I wasnt sure about this but he was very supportive and went along with a lot of things that he wasnt overly comfortable with to help me that I agreed to call her another name that was on our shortlist.

Now that we are choosing names for our new little one, that name is still a favourite of ours and I have tried really hard to find one that I like more that we would both agree on but nothing has come up. I am worried if we call her that name that I will feel pangs of guilt that our first little girl wasn't good enough for that name or that we are discriminating against her because she couldnt survive. Does that make sense?

On the other hand, we have a name that we both agree on and we both really like. Would it make sense to settle for a name we like less for this child?

My partner says that after a while, the child's name becomes such a part of who they are that I'll stop fretting about it and I think he could be right but its such a permanent thing to name a child that I dont want to have any regrets down the line.

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?

Thanks

 

[TTC First]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I think that the two of you decided save the name for a future child and you should continue to do this. Like DH said, although you will never first your previous child, this name will take on the new child. Using this name for a future child is allowing the name you two love so much to carry on.

 

[knobby]

Using this name for a future child is allowing the name you two love so much to carry on.

I agree with this.

DH and I both have a girl name in mind that we both love and I feel that is what we would do if we were in the same situation. We also have coped with our loss and new pregnancy by seeing it as the same soul coming back to us. So in that case it would only make sense for us to keep a name.

If you are really uncertain about how you feel about giving her the name, you could always wait until she is in your arms and decide then. I think you would know without any doubt if she should have the original name or the other one you have thought about.