Advice needed Please!

[DragoPanda]

Hi

I posted this in 3 sections before and still got no advice. I am starting to feel ignored on this website cos I know it has heavy traffic.
Since I am a single parent maybe this section will be more sympathetic. My problem is that I live and work in Korea and will return home around 25 weeks pregnant to give birth. (going home because I live here alone and do not want to give birth alone and come back to an apartment alone and then have to deal with being in a foreign country at the same time - issues buying things etc... Also I don' t think my current apartment is fit for having a baby in it, I didnt choose my apartment my school did. I'm an english teacher.) I will then of course take some time to get used to my baby and relax and recuperate. My dilemma is, I want to return to Korea with my baby. There are nannies and daycare centers here for me to utilize although they will be pricey. I just wonder how long do you think I need to wait before I leave the baby with a nanny for 8 hrs a day? My baby is due some time around June 4th. Is it crazy to get back into work by end of August/September? I was thinking I should probably wait until the baby is at least 6 months old? Since this is my first child I have no idea when babies start sleeping regularly and all of that. I don't want to be a bad mom but I also do have a life here. My boyfriend is here too. PS. The baby is half-Korean as well...
I earn a good salary here, I don't pay rent, it's a safer country than my home town, those are all things I have also thought about. It might seem early to worry about this now but if I do come back to Korea, it is important to plan ahead and get the ball rolling before I leave here.

 

[tagisit11487]

A friend of mine left the baby with a nanny when her baby was 3 months old. I don't know what I would do personally unless I was in the same shoes as you :/
But I think you should do what is best for you, the baby, and your future.

 

[Mincholada]

to be honest, your plans sound perfectly fine to me! i'm about to become a single mum in the USA, which is not my home country. i don't have any family here, live alone and all i get "leave" wise are 4 weeks. i'm already a day overdue. worst case scenario my baby will be 2 weeks old when i'll be forced to return to work at least part-time and leave her with a friend on her off days until a daycare will take her with 6 weeks old full-time.

over here it is quite common that women need to return to work 6 weeks after birth and have to leave their child with nanny, daycare etc... i don't see that that makes you a bad mummy. you can still spend valuable time with your LO, but you also make sure you guys future is rolling which is good!!!

if you trust that you can find a trustworthy nanny/daycare over there and you see the better future for you guys in korea, i'd say go for it. you'll never know how your baby will turn out. some sleep perfectly through the night after 6 weeks, others after 6 months. all these things you'll be able to deal with once they happen at least that's my positive thinking

good luck with your decisions and a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy!!!

 

[DragoPanda]

thank you so much for your post. i feel a bit better now. i had no idea babies could sleep well by 6 weeks. I had this idea it would be a non-stop crying fest for months on end. i don't really have friends here that can help me so you are very lucky with that at least. I will be depending 100% on nannies/daycares so I guess I should start calling around to find out about that.

I know motherhood is a sacrifice but for a minute there I was starting to feel like I would have to give up my whole life! Phew!

 

[daisygirl]

can your boyfriend not support u if you give birth there? i'm just wondering cos you said you were alone there. from my experience its good to have family support when you do have a baby, or someone there to support you. and you may even feel differently about going to work as soon as aug/sep, i guess just decide for sure when your baby is born?

my first started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old.

 

[ProzacQueen]

Look into your options now, but what you cant plan for is how your feelings will change after your baby is born!!

I know how you feel about believing that you have to give up your whole life and not wanting that, but there is a very good chance that when you hold your your baby for the first time your old life will pale into significance and you wont be able to bear the thought of someone else looking after your precious bundle!!

Really not trying to patronize you, i speak from experience! I loved my job and had grand ideas about returning but since having my first child, work is just something i have to do in order to make my children's life better. i wuold rather spend my time with them though!

 

[HoneyBee1508]

Look into your options now, but what you cant plan for is how your feelings will change after your baby is born!!

I know how you feel about believing that you have to give up your whole life and not wanting that, but there is a very good chance that when you hold your your baby for the first time your old life will pale into significance and you wont be able to bear the thought of someone else looking after your precious bundle!!

Really not trying to patronize you, i speak from experience! I loved my job and had grand ideas about returning but since having my first child, work is just something i have to do in order to make my children's life better. i wuold rather spend my time with them though!

I agree. I have always been a career type and thought I'd be more than ready to go back after 6 months but now, nearly 5 months on I can't bear the thought of going back so have decided to take another 3 months and cash depending, may go the full 12 months.

I know this may sound really bad but it's really suprised me - I actually love being a stay at home mummy! x

 

[DragoPanda]

thanks for the advice.
my bf won't be able to support me. Also, here in Korea people work ridiculous hours and my bf works 10am - 10:30pm and gets one day off in the middle of the week which he spends sleeping a lot of the time. So I expect nothing from him. Besides, our relationship really isn't strong at all due to language barriers etc. I am definitely going to go back to SA, my parents are already preparing themselves (bless them ^^).
I hear you about how my feelings might change. I guess it is very likely that I will want to spend time with my baby cos I even know when I see him on the scan I feel so strong that no one comes before him! Just a burst of love
Gosh these are some difficult decisions!