Advice on the Ex when he had DD

[Elljo3]

a little background.... h was one that never even wanted the baby and did nothing for years and my OH brought her up since she was 2.

He has taken me to court loads of times, gets a new order then says i dont stick to it, but i do.

she goes to his at weekends, altho not every weekend and during holidays.

everytime she is there she will ring or text me to say she needs to wear her coat and a blanket as its freezing. He is in bed all day so she has to go hungry or get her own food, then gets in trouble if she does. Often tells me that he doesnt always have food in becuse he cant be bothered shopping.
she smells really bad of mold and i have to rewash all her clothes because of this.

he wont talk about it, infact doesnt even want to no me.
is there anything i can do?

she is 12

 

[seoj]

Short of documenting (everything! dates/times/issues/what your kid is telling you etc..) and taking him back to court for a new parenting agreement... not really.

Long story- my hubby went through HORRID issues with his ex after they split (well, after she left him and LO for another guy and only came back months later). She was awful to her daughter- treated her like an inconvenience. My hubby dealt with the courts for YEARS... and even after all his ex did to their daughter, the lies she told, the manipulation- she never lost 100% of her visitation. She always had minimal visits- every other weekend and holidays. Even dealt with it a little myself after we started dating- fun times.

Sorry. It's awful I'm sure. Just do what you can, and maybe talk to a lawyer to see if a new agreement might be an option? I'm so sorry hun. Wish there was more that could help. Big hugs Your daughter is lucky to have you and your OH.

 

[emyandpotato]

She is 12 so she can tell the courts herself she doesn't want to see him/go there every weekend.

 

[RachA]

She is 12 so she can tell the courts herself she doesn't want to see him/go there every weekend.

This. My sisters two were 9 and 13 when their dad left and they were both allowed to make their owns decisions on if they wanted to see him. My sister always encouraged them to go as she didn't want to create bad feelings towards him but after 6 months neither wanted to see him and it was actually making the youngest sick as she worried about going inbetween visits.

Ask your daughter if she wants to go and if she says no don't push her to go.

 

[xprincessx]

i would call social services tbh. leaving a minor hungry and smelling of mold is not acceptable. he should get supervised visits only for this! i am disgusted your poor daughter has been living like this!

ETA: not disgusted with you, but with him!! just thought i'd clarify

 

[heidi87814]

Nothing new to add except to agree with the other ladies. Document every incident - every phone call, everything she tells you, times, dates, etc. and take him back to court. She's definitely old enough to tell the courts herself too about what it's like there.

It sounds absolutely awful. I'd be getting my daughter the hell out of there and away from him.

 

[Natsku]

She's old enough to choose whether she wants to visit him or not, and I'd also call social services because he is neglecting her when she visits him. Maybe a visit from them will be a wake up call for him to take the visits seriously, and even if it doesn't work your daughter can just choose not to visit him.

 

[tommyg]

How about she takes some photos of the mould and empty fridge.
I have a feeling that the court would regard the mould as a minor issue (lots of people have damp houses ) but it doesn't stop them from looking after or caring for their kids.
The lack of care is more concerning. But as others have said she is old enough to have her views taken into account by the court.

 

[Natsku]

They might consider the mould a serious issue as its a health risk. Social services here won't let Maria go to her dad's house until his mould problem is fixed and they've checked it thoroughly.

 

[xprincessx]

Mould in a house might be minor but if the mould is that bad that she comes home stinking of it then that isn't minor IMO

 

[tallybee]

Wow. I agree at 12 your daughter should have her voice heard by the legal system regarding whether she wants these visits to continue. I also agree document everything and ask your daughter to take pics on her phone if poss. And of course many ppl have damp homes but if your dd is coming back smelling of it that's beyond being a minor issue, if she's saying its cold there is there even any heating on? That's totally unacceptable.

Sounds awful tbh I'd be absolutely livid if I was you

 

[pandacub]

How awful I have nothing new to add, but to document everything and she wont be forced to go if she doesn't want to