Advice - problem with partner

[mummydove]

I have a 2 year old boy who i have looked after since my husband left when he was one month old.

Even though my ex has been nothing but horrible to me (putting the house on the market without telling me, shouting at DS when he was only months old, and many other things) i have alsways tried to be accomodating with contact for him and our DS.

He has him 2 full days a week and one over night. This has happened since he left. Now a year on he has sent me a solicitors letter with a list of demands. He wants him for 3 seperate weeks 3 times a year, long weekends every third week and all special occasions.

I am so cross that he has done this because if he had just asked me we could have discussed it and i probably would have let him see fin a bit more (although i think it would not be best for finley to be away from me so much - and i still worry about my ex temper)the only reason i let him go know is because i know he is living with his parents.

I am going to see my solictior today but i just wondered if anyone has got any advice. Both my health visitor and solicitor have said in the past that he is lucky to have a regular over night.

Any advice or information? What are over peoples routines with partners.

 

[ticklemonster]

Well i'm in a bit of a different situation, i'm the step mummy of my OH lil boy who is 5. One week we have him 3 days/nights the next week we have him 4 days and nights. So we are pretty lucky.

My OH's ex is a nice person, we don't get on like a house on fire but we all get on for the kids sake. She isn't too happy i'm expecting but she has dealt with it and lets us just get on x

 

[mummydove]

this is what i find hard, i am always nice to him but i get nothing but trouble back. If he asks to have him i say yes but it is still not good enough for him

 

[Ash_P]

I am a few stages behind u. My husband ended things when I was 7 weeks pregnant. Currently he is demanding that he sees the child everyday at my house so he can bond with the baby and wants LO 2 nites a week (but mite i add, he doesnt want it at weekends as he "needs a social life") He has been nothing but a b*stard to me since the split and hasnt shown any interest or support towards the pregnancy.
I am not comfortable with him coming to my house everyday but I wouldnt refuse him seeing the child (and this is only for the childs sake that I am agreeing to this at the minute) I dont know how I am going to deal with things if he demands more once LO comes along.
He def wont be getting it at xmas, and occasions like that. Theres just no way. I dont feel comfortable with him taking my baby away from me, He is totally self absorbed and I feel not responsible enough to look at a baby.

Plus he is still with the woman he left me for - who unfortunately I cant say a nice word about, theres no way Im leftting him take MY child, so him and her can play happy families.

I spoke to my solicitor to find out my rites, and due to his bad temper, irractic behaviour etc I dont actually have to give him access to anything if I dont want to. I can arrange for supervised visits so he is being watched closely by LO.

Men are such pigs, they are soo good at messing about with our heads, and using the kids as an excuse.

 

[lou_w34]

Sorry i dont have much advice!
But it sounds like you have a good case!
Good luck with the solicitor!

 

[purpledahlia]

He wants Fin EVERY special occasion??? That is totally ridic, unfair and selfish! LIKE ud agree to that?!? so u miss every birthday and xmas?? ppfftt. He wont get that, good luck with the solicitor, i hope he gets nothing but what he has at the moment, sounds like he sees him quite a lot!

 

[dali]

honestly hun, it sounds kind of like he is just trying to get your back up. and of course it has worked , what a riliculous list of demands !
you are right i dont think it would be good for fin to be away from you so much, and if you dont trust his temper he is lucky to get him alone atall , surely ...
and every special occasion... please ? ?? as if you would let him have this
is he actually wanting to see fin ? or is he just trying to p*** you off ?
only allow what access you are comfortable with hun , im sorry he is making life so hard for you..... is he good with fin atleast ?

 

[mummydove]

Thanks for the replies. I have been to the solicitor and she has put my mind at rest, she said to do what i am comfortable with and don't feel pressured.

I have got to do what i think is best for Fin and i think that at the age he is i cant have him going away for any longer than what is arranged at the moment, which i have been told is very fair.

My Ex lives with his parents and i know that they are good with Finley and i think that they would always make sure that he was looked after.